Fandom Red Vs Blu: The Very Retarded Battle. (TF2 Roleplay.)

[Dawn2Dusk]

((YOU KILLED IT MA! ;- )


Sonja stared blankly at the scout. "I don't wanna seem like a try-hard, but I really don't like conga. Good luck with your conga quest, or whatever. Also, the medicine is kind of- Wait, you're the Bonkaboo guy, or something!" she raised her Übersaw, slashing it around in an attempt to cut him.


Charlotte was busy on her adventurous adventure to poke every BLU Sentry currently active without annoying the Engineer who built it. She failed, and poked RED Sentries on numerous occasions. They shot her. Funnily enough, she kept poking them. I guess she's just an idiot. A schizophrenic idiot. A pyromanic, schizophrenic idiot.

 

[DarkLordFTW]

(No ma why!?) "Ah!" Bonk jumped back and pulled out his soda popper."Okay doc, no conga then!" he was about to shoot, but since he likes to show off, he switched to his bat."Time to get a double bonk doc!" He then hit Sonja twice on the head, then jumped back, waiting for her next move.

 

[Dawn2Dusk]

Sonja felt light-headed and dizzy. "You'll regret that soon, bud, as sure as I'm a liscensed professional about to KICK YOUR ASS!" she screeched, scanning her surroundings for weapons, in her current state forgetting that she was carrying both a saw and a syringe gun. She picked up some large rocks and threw them at Bonk, hitting him in the stomach, knee and ear. She then grabbed a nearby stick and stabbed him in the arm with it. That's around the time she fell to the floor and started writhing around.


Charlotte was watching this from a distance. She came up to Sonja, still most likely having a concussion, and poked her eye. "Is the doctor ok, Bonkie?" She asked, geniunely curious as to whether this random woman was ok. Charlotte grabbed the stick Sonja had stabbed Bonk with and repetitively poked her arm with it.

 

[Furious Finch]

The train pulled into the station beneath the RED facilities of Heatsink, a huge canyon carved out by thousands of hours of Mann brand excavation.


Originally expected to be another gravel quarry it turned out to contain vast quantities of uranium, and was thus deemed a waste of money by the CEO of RED. When Blutarch Mann made moves into the quarry, however, suddenly the area became an investment again and mercenaries were sent to contest the territory and protect the assets.


With no official bases, both factions had to jury rig their bases together out of the machinery, shacks and storage areas. The train hissed and groaned as it came to a stop in the empty station. One of the carriage doors creaked open on its wheels, a heavy metal hand slipping between the doors and pulling them open. A large man steps out onto the concrete with a heavy thud. His arms are both heavy duty prosthetics made of dark brown metal. His body shows signs of having once been well fed but at this point it seems to be just the appearance as he moves like weight doesn't bother him and his belly does not shake as it should. A thick metal helmet like an ushanka is hitched ot his head along with a series of metal plates bolted into his jawline. His eyes are shallow and beady, like some kind of shark, and he looks around the station before pulling a massive suitcase out behind him.


He is accompanied by two men. One sticks to him like glue and is already armed with a fairly standard issue medigun. A Medic. He wears a heaping helping of metal body armor, shinguards and shoulder plates. A steel mockery of a plague doctor mask covers his face, hitched in place with a leather strap and complemented by a wide brimmed black metal hat. The red eyes of the mask betray no emotion as he follows closely behind the Heavy with his medigun ever ready.


The other man appears to be another Medic. He doesn't have his coat on and is carrying a briefcase, presumably containing his personal effects. He keeps a proper distance from the other two passengers, making his way immediately to the left, walking toward the stairs of the station. The remaining passengers, if any, are left to disembark the train at their leisure; this is the last stop for the automated train.

 

[Dawn2Dusk]

((I would ask you to delete that seeing as you weren't accepted before writing this, but HOLY BALLS that's quality stuff!))

 

[Furious Finch]

Bartok marched toward the nearby buildings, the entourage of doktors following behind. Heatsink was quiet for a place that was supposed to be contested territory...


He eventually comes upon a sheet metal "door" and pulls it away from the doorway without effort. Inside is the pitiful remnants of previous inhabitants; torn bags, some empty food cans and bottles, that sort of thing. The two metal men silently made for what must have been the barracks, descending down the concrete stairs into the basement where the beds and mess hall were set up in a former storage room. Ramond, meanwhile, placed his briefcase down on a table quietly and carefully explored the base. Some of the lights were malfunctioning or disconnected with visible wires exposed, as if someone had been tinkering with them. He could find no bodies or other teammates.


Until he came upon the ladder to a watch tower. There he found a deceased Sniper woman slumped in the corner next to the ladder, a hole shot up through her jaw and a bloodied revolver in her cold gloved hand. Ramond grimaced and knelt down, examining the woman's injury. An exceptionally fatal self inflicted headshot, up through the bottom of her head. Suicide. His brow furrowed in thought and he patted her down, searching her person. Aside from a pack of smokes and a homemade wallet he found two things of importance; a scrap of paper with a battle plan of sorts laid out on it and a last words note.


He stood and carried the items out into the main room where there was at least some light, reading the note. "them manky goons on blu went and broke the bloody respawn station or something, they sniped our bloody captain and started pickin us off, we dun sicd frank on em so im pretty bloody sure ther all dead, judgin by the bombs and screams outside... i can feel the heat of franks fire, hes killing every last one of em, everyone else is gone i think... screw this im out, i cant take this, im gonna die im gonna die, if it aint blu its gonna be the bosses or even frank, if anyone finds my body dont you touch my stuff and also the respawn is probably still down go fix it or you wont come back goodbye"





"... merde..." he swore, pocketing the note and taking a look at the battle plan, laying it out on a table and taking a seat to look at it, the revolver salvaged and sitting on the table as well within his reach.

 

[Deadeye]

Drake had been eventually killed but the respawn put him back in and he noticed a scout and pyro with his teams medic so he ran down and burnt them, switching to knives for deadliness

 

[DarkLordFTW]

"Uh, yeah, sure Char." Said Bonk, as he ran off and found Frank, freaking out, who had just turned his attention at Bonk."Bah! Frank, come on!" Yelled Bonk as Frank shot at him."I know that we had some bad times and that we broke your respawn BUT I still love you!" Said Bonk, but secretly he was reaching for his scatter, one shot was all he needed at such close range."Oh, but wait, there's more! I DON'T love you!" Said Bonk right as he pulled the trigger on the scatter, blasting through Frank."Suck on that tough guy!"

 

[Deadeye]

(I might get rid of my other oc grace and replace her with a spy)

 

[Deadeye]

Grace had managed to get the administrator to accept her resignation so shadow stepped onto the battlefield and disguised and then sapped two teleporters, a dispenser and a level three turret and stabbed an engineer in the back

 

[Dawn2Dusk]

Sonja laid there, foaming at the mouth, when a RED pyro whose name she couldn't remember started to grill the people around her. "T-thanks..." she managed to say. "C-can you p-pass me the m-medigun... or so-so-something..." She was too weak to get up, or push away the weird pyro poking her with a stick.


Charlotte was still poking Sonja with a stick. Duh. If you didn't know that, you're only interested in Charlotte's point of view. That's, uh, yeah, that's pretty sad. But alas, Charlotte sat there, poking Sonja, until she was backstabbed by an enemy spy.

 

[DarkLordFTW]

"Char?" Bonk said."Ah come on spy! Char was nice, err, I think." He said, hitting the spy who killed Char one time one the head with his bat.

 

[Dawn2Dusk]

Charlotte respawned and booped the spy on the head. With a Powerjack. Not sure how she carries it around. "Yay!" she squealed loudly, almost certainly bursting a few eardrums, as the spy dropped dead.


((OCC: I've decided if Sonja's left alone for a while, I'll put in Charlotte's point of view. I like to call it SCHIZOVIEW! Uncreative, yes, but it's a placeholder. Kinda.))


That mean spy made me go through respawn! I hate it, it's gross and weird and ONE TIME IT MURDERERED my magical unicorn hammer that fixes all injuries and stops poverty! I had to get a new one. It wasn't as pretty. I cried. But let's get back onto the happy things! I decided all people deserve second chances, but Ralph kept telling me to punch him, and I didn't because Ralph is mean and sometimes I lock him up in a spooky brain cage! So anyway, I lightly tapped him on the head with my MUHTFAIaSP and he turned into a pretty unicorn! I'm sure he has a much happier life now, prancing around with the rainbowifed kittens and the candymen and the other pretty unicorns. So I shouted yay because I was so happy a meanie was moving on with their life! Oh, look, a candy wand! And this girl with the bruise on her head! I better use the candy wand to heal her, because she looks like she needs to help stop terrorists and help save the orangutangs, so her being a unicorn wouldn't help! I'll tap her with it until the bruise goes away!


((OCC: It was just an idea but I don't know if it's a good one. Yay or nay?))

 

[DarkLordFTW]

(So much yay. That performance deserves a Grammy.) "Oh, uh, hiya Char! I thought the respawn was broken." Bonk said.

 

[Dawn2Dusk]

"Respawn is poop. If it was broken I would be glad." Charlotte huffed through her mask. "But I guess the gross tingling could be fun for some people." She then resuming poking Sonja, who groaned and attempted to tug the stick out of Charlotte's hand and throw it away. She failed. Miserably. "I don't think it's working, the big blue butt of a bruise isn't going away. This lady needs urgent medical attention! Pass me my lollipop shooter that can save lives and regulary donates to children in Africa!" Charlotte giggled

SCHIZOVIEW TIME!

​

I don't like respawn. It's poop. So I said that out loud to Bonkie because he listens to me and doesn't randomly laugh at my when I try to poke every kitten guard there is. But I respect other opinions, so I also said that the gross tingling could be fun for a select group of people. Then I started trying to heal the lady again, but it wasn't working because the mean bruise kept saying VERY rude things to me that I do not want you to hear. So I asked Bonkie to hand me my LSTCSLaRDTCiA so I could put it on NOT candyman setting and heal her bruise without candy-ifying her. Yay! I like to make the world a better place! But then Ralph said I WASN'T making the world a better place and was instead hurting other people and stealing vital information about everything. So I put him in the spooky brain cage because Ralph is a meanie and lying isn't right. He also said that everything I know is a lie. Wait, that's a double lie! I can't believe he lied about lies! Ralph is a poop. Hehe. Poop.

 

[DarkLordFTW]

(I love Schizoview more each time you do it. It's freaking hilarious. That is all.) "Sure, but uh, Char, I don't know if the bruise will go away." Said Bonk as he handed the shotgun to Char, he wondered how he actually became friends with someone on the other team. Then he saw another enemy, forgot everything he was thinking about, ran up, shot 'im in the face, and T-bagged the corpse before returning to Char's "medical procedure".

 

[Dawn2Dusk]

"Yay! Thank you Bonkie!" Charlotte giggled gleefully. She cocked the shotgun and was about to shoot when Sonja screamed the following:


"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I KNOW I SAWED YOUR NECK OFF THAT ONE TIME AND YES, I WAS THE ONE WHO REPLACED YOUR SUIT WITH A CAMOFLAUGE MAXI DRESS WHILE YOU WERE TRYING TO VOODOO- I MEAN ENCHANT A SPYCRAB PLUSHIE BUT CAN WE AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I MADE YOU THAT SPYCRAB PLUSHIE FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I WAS THE ONE WHO- Actually, um, my bruise is fine, doesn't need healing and, err, I'll just take my QuickFix and go, thanks. But, uh, I heard that there are, uh, unicorns, where that sniper is, see there? You should go see them. Or poke sentries. Or play with dolls. Actually, I think I've got a concussion, so I'll just find a medicine bott-" Sonja was interrupted by a bullet to the head. From a Panic Attack. Charlotte's Panic Attack. "YEAH!" Charlotte yelled, throwing her gun up in the air and doing a small victory dance.


Schizoview Time!


((OCC: Something weird's going on with my iPad, I can't select anything, so no rainbow today, folks))


I thanked Bonkie for handing me my awesome shooter, and was about to heal the lady when she started meowing! Ralph translated it for me, and he was clearly lying, I would never kill anyone, nor has my neck ever been sawed off. Actually, one time I ate that oregano, it kinda felt like I think it would. I liked it. But I did get a spycrab plushie for my birthday, it was delivered by a magical fairy princess. She was eating a sandwich. It looked yummy. So I switched the shooter to "Revert To Human" mode and fired! She looked so happy, she flung her head back and yelled "Yeah!" so I yelled "Yeah!" with her! Also, what's a sentry? And what's a QuickFix? Is the candy wand a QuickFix? Gee, my whole life has been a lie.

 

[DarkLordFTW]

(But I love mah rainbows, even if I cry when I see them... You have no idea how many times I've had to get a new computer because of it. Here's the amount of times, none. Isn't that insane!? Also, did everyone else on this thread die or something? They've all disappeared!) "Well uh, Char, I'll go by your spawn room, I would like to talk to the Medic." Bonk said, moving towards the Red spawn.

 

[Dawn2Dusk]

"Urgh..." Sonja woke sprawled on the floor of the RED spawn. "I guess the spawn is malfunctioning. Again. Ow." she grumbled under her breath, getting up from the cold, hard ground. ((OCC: OH! OHOHOH, TROU- k sowwy)) She noticed Bonk running towards her and brushed any dirt off her coat before taking out her Übersaw. "What do you want, Bonkaface?" she growled warily, "If you recorded that, I'll slowly torture you and as soon as you want relief by death I'll heal you and resume torture."


Charlotte pouted. "Ok. But waaaaaait! I'm BLU!" She then screeched. "LOOK AT THE PRETTY BLUE BADGE I HAVE! ARE YOU LISTENING?!"

 

[DarkLordFTW]

"Ayyyy, I didn't record anything at all Song Bird." Said Bonk, putting his hands up. "I just wanted to check out the spawn room, since it should be broke. But what I really wanted to do is ask you, what is in that freaking purple needle Doc? I found some pics of it in your intel, why is it so important?" Bonk said questionably.

 

[Dawn2Dusk]

"I, umm, nothing, just a new... Medicine, I've come up with, that, err, can instantly, uh, Übercharge. But, it's under development, so nobody has used it. That is all." Sonja lied. "Now would you kindly shift your presence to somewhere else? I was going to make a cof-" she paused before shakily screaming, "Wait, you have our intel? Sweet baby Jesus, what did you find in there?!". She was breaking down, sobbing now, on her knees and burying her face in for hands. Cursing and crying. "WE'RE ALL SO STUPID! IDIOTS! F**K THIS S**T, WE'RE ALL MORONIC ASSHOLES! CRIMINAL RECORDS, PLANS OF OUR BASE, EVERYTHING! DOWN THE DRAIN! THANKS TO THE F**KING D**KSUCKERS WE CALL RED TEAM! THANKS TO THE C**K BAGS WE CALL BLU TEAM!" she was now screeching. She carried on like this for quite a while before collapsing on the floor, curling into the fetal position, and quietly crying.


"Get a grip, maggot!" a soldier called out.

 

[VirtualUnity]

Virtual_Notoriety has joined the game

 

[VirtualUnity]

VN joined Red

 

[VirtualUnity]

Muffled curses*

 

[VirtualUnity]

Nathan angry noone can understand him he removes his gas mask