We were doomed from the Start.(CLOSED)

[DeadnotSleeping]

I watch as the older boy takes his brother out of the room, and I just smile and shrug. I know I spoke the truth, and somehow it still feels redundant. I am just angry because of all those broken promises we held. But they are not important. Not to me, anyway.


My chest is still tight when I look at my liege. He barely breathes, and I lean to him and set him in a more comfortable position. Then I get up and barricade the room, quickly, effectively. I hear monsters in the night. I doubt they could break down the barricade against that entrance gate, but I don’t want to take any chances. And I need to sleep, too.


I prepare more cold applications, as I feel my lord’s fever is still high. I look over the scattered medical journals, and I kick them out of the way. I was stupid, thinking they could mean solution. That anyone, that stupid kid would be able to truly save Nigel.


I am not able to do so. They are not able to do so. And that’s when I realize that even if me doing my best, I really can’t do anything else than watch my friend die, because of something he suffered while I wasn’t with him, and my resolution crumbles again. I kneel down next to the bed, and I began to cry earnest, with deep, heavy sobs, grieving all of my family and my friends.


The End took everything before. And now my last chance for happiness is taken away, too…

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

Darius started crying as he climbed into the bed. I turned around and cuddled him into my breast.


"I love you. Thank you" I say "thank you for sticking up for me. Do you think she'll ever calm down?"


"Yes it'll be water under the bridge in the morning. I promise.


I nod solemly and slowly start to fall asleep.


"She loves us very much, probably" he soothes.

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

I fall asleep right there, not even on the other bed just next to it, in an awkward position so my whole body hurts when I wake up. The anger still burns inside me, chilling the blood in my veins. I have to wiggle and hiss for a while, though, because my legs have fallen asleep, and I can feel ants as I try to move…


I look at the empty beds, then my liege, and I smile bitterly. I’m actually kind of happy that he is not awake now, and even when I try to coax him awake, he doesn’t seem to be aware of where and when he is… he just stares at me, confused, then falls unconscious again. At least this way I don’t have to explain the betrayal.


I get up, and settle down at the table, eating slowly, without any inclination to do so, just for the sustainment, not for enjoyment. Then I mix up another witchcraft potion, and I force it down my liege’s throat. This time, he actually struggles, and I hurt him a little… I yell at him in my frustration, and almost hit him… almost. I regain my senses in time.


I hold his hand afterwards, and watch him. It actually hurts, being alone. I was quite used to the annoying soldier boys. No matter how much their presence hurt my liege indirectly, or maybe even directly…


…he seemed to be so happy with them. And now I was forced to take away his happiness, too, because they were hurting him. I sigh, glancing at the door, then deciding against removing the barricade. I just curl up on the other bed next to my liege, and pull the bony hand against my heart.


I am still there for him…

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

Why are my dreams always so shoddy now.


She was digging my grave. But I was alive, tied to a bed while the dirt was slowly covering me. Darius was trying to stop her. But she wasn't.


I kept pleading with her but she wouldn't listen.


The dirt covered the last patch of vision when I woke up, sitting up with a jolt. Sweat dripping from my body. I was screaming. Screaming so loud you B probably could hear it a mile away.


It woke Darius up. But he didn't fret. He just held me and soothed me.

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

Nie opened his eyes again, dazed and confused. His mind seemed to be clouded way too much… He couldn’t remember how much time passed, and exactly where was he… he couldn’t really feel his limbs. But he managed to turn his head, and that was when he realized what was amiss.


His sons weren’t there in the room. Ma Baker was standing at the open window, leaning to the windowsill… she seemed tired in the grey undergarment she used to wear under the armour. She looked at him, smiling.


“My liege. Do you feel any better? You shouldn’t be in so much pain now…”


“Ma… where are… my sons?... please… tell me…”


“You don’t have to worry about them. They have gone out to relax…” there was something strange in the woman’s voice. Some kind of intangible edge. Nie tensed.


“You are… lying… where…”


His knight was still smiling. She stepped to the table, and leaned over a little camp stove; she worked fast, and she came back to him with a cup, sitting on the edge of the bed.


“No, I am not. Darius took his brother. They even took some kind of dog doll.”


“Lucy?…” Nie furrowed his eyebrows. It sounded a little more probable now, but still… no. No way. “Outside… is dangerous…”


“Not outside. Upstairs. There is a small park in the top of the spital. Kind of unkempt, but there it is. Come on, my liege. I’ll help you drink this.”


She didn’t take no for an answer, she just forced the liquid down his throat… the dentist struggled against it, instinctively, not only because it tasted bitter. It left a bad taste in his mouth, and he was shaking. Something was not right.


“Where are… my sons?…”

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

I couldn't stop screaming for a while. I didn't know who could hear me. But I'd finally cracked . I ran to sit in the corner with my knees to my chest.


I was seriously scared.


"What have we done Darius?!" I kept yelling "we've left Dad with her. She's going to hurt him!"


"No, she loves him more than anything... She won't."


"She was only looking After us because he loves us. If he died then we are dead. All that thing about family. It was too..."


"Fragile? I know. It smelt like bullshit once it was first said. That was never going to happen."

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

My heart hurts so much. It is painful, being alone and watch my liege. At least when the boys were here he was smiling, no matter how broken he was...


...why did...


My liege suddenly jerks and retches, going into some kind of seizure. I am able to move quickly enough and hold him while he vomits out the concoction I just fed him. I am shaking, from worry and fear. I have no idea what's wrong... I am only able to position him so he won't aspire, then clean up everything.


Something is wrong, and I cannot stop thinking about my lord's words.


His sons.


He has a family aside from me. I promised him to take care of them...


....that's when I realize I hear screaming, and it startles me. I throw on my armour and reach for my sword, tearing down the barricade in record time, and rush to search for the boys, burning with worry now...

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

Darius sits next to me and holds me.


"You're shaking " he said rubbing my arms


"So are you." I murmur "I feel like a prisoner here"


"We sort of are..." Darius said thinking for a moment.


I weep into him.


"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm such a dickhead. I've got us into this mess."


"You weren't to know. And she overreacted big time. Big big time. I think she forgets your quite old. And know the signs of a zombie attack. And you were relaxing. Just like she ordered "


"Which is another crock of shit" I interject


"Well she has a point. BUT maybe you should be allowed to stand up once in a while. Not doing so isridiculous "

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

I am even more scared by the fact that the screaming stopped. It might be irrational... but I am experienced enough to know what sudden silence might mean.


Please God don't let them be dead... I know that I will not be forgiven if they are hurt, and there were so many monsters outside tonight... my heart beats so fast that my chest feels like it will burst in any minute. I open the doors with sword in hand...


I feel immensely relieved when I found them, finally, huddled together in the corner.


"Thank almighty! Are you all right? Are you hurt? Where are the monsters?"

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

I bury my head into Darius. I didn't want her here. In my safe place.


"D..Darius." I cry at him.


Darius was shaking to. I could feel it. Together our skeletons shook and clanked together.


"It's okay. She can't hurt us. I'm here. I won't let her hurt us"

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

They are not responding, which scares me even more... I look around, scanning the room for enemies.


No sign of monsters... I sigh, thrusting my sword back into the scabbard, and kneel next to them. In that moment, everything else but the worry is forgotten.


"Darius... is Mitchell hurt? Are you all right?..."

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

Darius tries to inch away from her. The two shaking bodies unable to move. I buried deeper into my brother.


"Y..you stay away from us. Don't touch my brother" he said putting his arm out slightly.

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

I just stare at them, confused. I do not understand why are they afraid of me, why would they...


"What... I don't...." then I remember last night.


My anger. How I yelled at them. How desperately I wanted them go, because...


I sigh, letting down my arms.


"I'm sorry.... for everything. Upon my honour and my liege's name, I won't hurt you. Are you all right?"

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

I loosen up a bit. But Darius's grip is still tight on my shoulder.


"We're... We're fine" I say looking at her tentatively. Gingerly.


Darius continued his glare. He was trying to read her actions. His mind was going a mile a minute, analysing her every move.

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

I sigh, relieved, as I scan over them, and their words confirm they are intact. I try to smile, then I realize my helmet conceals my face... so I lift up my visor and try it again.


"Thank God..." the memories are creeping back again. I sigh. "How is your back now? Your father is worried..."


I take a deep breath, remembering when I heard the screaming and the panic set in.


"...and... I'm worried, too. I apologize for my harsh words yesterday. I was so angry... desperate... I still am..."

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

Darius even loosens his grip on me now and becomes less tense. He stood up and shook the Knights hand


"I'm sorry for telling you to go fuck yourself.. Or whatever it was I said. I was just so upset. I've never done what I did to my brother yesterday before. I did bad. I feel awful. And you slapped him. I... He wasn't that ba... It wasn't warranted. Can we just agree to start again?"

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

"Don't worry. I have said harsh things" I admit, pulling in the boy for a quick hug. I am still afraid a bit... but I manage to smile somehow.


"We shall. But I won't repeat my performance with yelling at you, hitting you and tying you up. I hope you won't mind that."


I am trembling now, just a bit. I still feel worried, looking over Mitchell.


"Seriously... how are your injuries?..."

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

"They're. They're sore. But I think it's because I've been tense... I'm sorry". I stand up too and shake her hand too tentatively. I was scared of her still even though she had promised not to hurt me again. I'd seen another side of her. I was willing to let it slide when she didn't know us... But yesterday she flipped.


Oh shit, what about my dad. Was he dead?


"H..how's my father?" I asked preparing myself for the worst. "Is... Is he alright.... Does he know that I've gone... Have I hurt him?"


I hoped he hadn't found out id left the room to sleep here with my brother. He'd fear the worst.

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

I sigh, shoulders drawn. I am close to breaking down. Thinking about this is painful… even more painful now that I realize how much my lord might be scared now, alone, not knowing where we are…


“Your father… does not fare well…” my voice is trembling. “I actually think he might be dying. He was asking about you… then he had a seizure… and… after that… I’ve heard the screaming…”


I touch the younger boy’s shoulders, gingerly.


“I haven’t told him. Told him you two just went up to the roof to relax… I don’t know if he understood it. He was very disoriented. But you didn’t hurt him. Promise…”


I did. I did, and knowing this is painful.


“Come back. I’ll look at your injuries…”

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

"Okay." I grab Lucy gingerly. And follow the Knight out the door.


I turn around to watch Darius following me closely. Still unsure of Azu's intentions.


I lay on the bed and took off my shirt and lay on my stomach again. While I waited, I untied the ropes because I couldn't bear to look at them. They held bad memories.


"Thank you". I said weakly

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

I am very grateful that the kids are willing to come back with me… I do know I’ve wronged them, even if at that moment it felt justified… but they are still coming back with me…


…and I know this is not for me. I smile, bitterly. That family is not mine, at least not yet, I do recognize it… but I also belong to it, for better or worse, even if only for my liege. I want to feel that warmness from before, although I’m afraid that with yesterday I’ve already lost it…


When we arrive back, I do not dare to check on my liege yet. Not before I can collect myself. He looks dead, so pale and unmoving… and I think he would yell at me if I wouldn’t tend to his son first…


I lean over the boy, carefully and tenderly inspecting the injuries. Some are still very much inflamed, the deeper ones, and they are still swollen… I tend to them the best I can, gingerly cleaning them, putting on the salve and bandaging it up after putting on a thick, soft pad to prevent more injuries. I still have enough for that… and I half-think that my liege might not need them soon…


I don’t answer. I just finish up the bandaging, then stand up and look away. I dread to look at my lord. I cannot bear it now…

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

I wince at every clean up it hurt. But it did hurt less now. That was a plus.


"H... How is my Father? Is. Is he dead? He doesn't look... Alive". I start putting my shirt. I wasn't panicked at this. But I was more inquisitive instead. I needed to know whether he'd died before I got upset about it. And , hknestly, at that point I think I would have been at peace with his death.

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

I move, somehow reluctantly, to look at my liege. He indeed looks dead, every single drop of colour drained from his face… I think his chest is still moving…


I swallow back my tears and fear, and lean over him. He is still breathing somehow, although it is dragged and so weak… his pulse is faint under my fingers, I can barely feel it. His skin is feverishly hot still… a thin layer of sweat covering it, making it even more sickly. I swallow.


“He is… somehow… still alive… I have no idea how… he said… he wants to… give up… and yet… he is still alive…” my voice is barely a whisper now. I am grateful and pained at the same time. I think this is a mixed blessing…

 

[CharlieBoyyy]

"Is... Is his body giving up on him. Is he going to die. He is isn't he? Oh auntie. I can't bear him being this sick anymore. Do you think he'll get better?"


I furrow my brow and look after to Darius who is stood in the doorway. He's not angry anymore. But he looks dreadfully worried.


"I... I don't want him kept alive if he's in pain for my sake. He can't be in any pain. I won't forgive myself." I choke the tears

 

[DeadnotSleeping]

I lift my palm to my face, like I could hold back everything. I cannot. I am trembling so much that my armour is clattering.


“I… I don’t know… his wounds… are healing… that’s sure… some are… actually healed now” my voice sounds a bit empty, even for me. “But this fever… he is so weak. And I can only make him drink liquids… I gave him painkillers so he won’t be in pain, but I am not sure how much this helps. I want to heal him so much… I want him… back. I might be pathetic… but I really need my liege to live. I was so sure I could save him. And now…”


I am breaking, I realize this.


“I am just… I don’t know anymore… I cannot bear to watch this anymore… and I cannot bear to not do anything as he suffers… it is selfish, I know, but without him… I won’t be able to keep together…”