Fandom Red Vs Blu: The Very Retarded Battle. (TF2 Roleplay.)

[Dawn2Dusk]

Sonja checked her phone's clock. "F**k. Look, I need to go now, I'm pretty sure the drive is a long one. Stay safe, and if any of you are dead when I return I'll kill you." Sonja said, rushing into to the elevator and giving everyone a wave goodbye. She quickly got into the truck and started the engine, pleasantly surprised by a GPS she hadn't noticed on the way to the bunker. Mainly because she had passed out from crying like a complete and utter baby. She tapped in for a train station, and thankfully the one that wasn't too far away was the refinery station she had been told about. The drive was about fifty minutes. The station looked slightly empty. I guess uranium mines aren't what they used to be, she thought.


Meanwhile, Charlotte had eaten the cookies and was currently poking a BLU sentry that a spy had sapped. The spy had also sapped Charlotte's life. What did you expect?

 

[Furious Finch]

The drive was largely uneventful, barring a few stray prairie dogs on the road from time to time. The refinery loomed in the distance ten minutes before Sonja even reached it. It was huge, spanning an entire battlefield's worth of land...


Following the signs leads you around into a small passage through the refinery. Blast marks, blood splatters, littering of personal effects and actual dead bodies tell a lot about the refinery; this place was recently under contest by BLU and RED mercenaries. It's impossible to tell which team won, if either of them even did. Little red dots tracing along the truck's door windows indicates that RED still has Snipers around. None of them fire. On the other door window, blue dots do the same. The teams might be under orders not to shoot you.


Doesn't stop them from investigating apparently. As you pull into an empty parking zone you see the train, waiting patiently. You have ten minutes to haul your stuff onto the platform and into the train, judging by the large clock hanging above the platform. There's a fellow in BLU overalls having a beer on the platform. A RED Heavy sits with him, munching on her sandvich.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

Lee smiled in a friendly manner at the HazPyro, largely unaware of its' glare for the moment. "Hey, you alright now?" He asked, sounding a little concerned for it and placing his left hand on the table. He still had his rifle holstered on his back and his gold-plated SMG holstered at his right side.

 

[Furious Finch]

HazPyro grunted out two syllables, otherwise remaining still and quiet.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

He never really understood anything the HazPyro said, but assumed it said "Just fine" and left it at that. "Good to hear, then." And with that, he headed straight for the fridge.

 

[Furious Finch]

It watched him in utter silence, one arm dropping off the table.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

In the meantime, he rummaged around in the fridge looking for something to eat, not noticing HazPyro's...behaviour for the moment.

 

[Furious Finch]

It will roll its head around its shoulders tensely as it waits for him to turn around and face it.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

Frowning at the lack of food (besides the one Sandvich in there that he wouldn't take out of fear of the Heavy's rage), he turns around to face the HazPyro. "...What?"

 

[Furious Finch]

The pyro lifts its axe off of the ground and stands up, slamming it into the table and nearly breaking the table in half. The axe is now stuck in the table and they shout a demanding question at Lee.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

He's not entirely sure what the HazPyro's mad about so he cringes as the axe strikes the table with the force of a particularly furious freight train. "I don't understand!" Really, he never has. He'd suggest getting the HazPyro to write it on something but he's a little afraid to right now.

 

[Furious Finch]

The HazPyro growled and fumed, fumbling with its helmet until it manages to pry it away with a horrid sucking sound, exposing their pale bald skin to the electrical lights. He, or she, has angular features, deepset eyes, a solid brow and not a single hair to show for. Even their voice is hard to put a gender on. "WHY DID YOU LET THAT FUCKING SPY GO!!?" they scream in Lee's face, shoving the entirety of the long table aside with one sweep, sending their mask tumbling to the floor.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

Ooh dear, somebody's upset, he thought. He just had to keep calm in the face of...bloody hell, HazPyro's ugly. "Firstly, he wasn't a Spy, he was a RED Medic that informed me that one of our Spies has been 'taking a dirt nap for a while'. Secondly, you ever tried killing somebody with a rifle that can't kill unless it unloads at least six darts into their bodies? Thirdly, he held me at gunpoint with a Revolver pointed right at my face earlier on, then shot me in the arm as well as a few of our teammates with my own SMG right as he began making his escape." Sassy British Sniper mode activated. "And lastly, he's covered in my own urine. It'll be weeks before he gets rid of that smell."

 

[Furious Finch]

They wrench the axe from the table, splitting it in half finally. "But. He's not. DEAD." they hissed. "That was a Spy. I know it was. It might walk, talk and dress like a Medic, but there's no way in HELL that was anything but a motherfucking Spy. I can sense it..."

 

[IncensedShedinja]

"I'm very much aware that he's not dead, but he'll be dead the next time I see him. I swear on my life." And this time he was dead serious about that. He hated Spies as much as HazPyro did but he believed he was just dealing with a genocidal Medic. Regardless, the next time he saw Ramond he'd be filling him with plenty of holes, enough to make him indistinguishable from swiss cheese.

 

[Furious Finch]

They stormed up to Lee, axe held tightly, pressing a rubber finger into his chest. "Do you know how many of our people that FUCK killed!? DO YOU!?" they roared.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

"Too many to count, if I remember correctly." He hazarded a guess at the kill count and it was likely in the tens, possibly hundreds.

 

[Furious Finch]

"And you just shot him once. And let him run away."

 

[IncensedShedinja]

He sighed. "With a rifle that can't kill...I'm guessing I should probably switch to something that actually CAN kill, then."

 

[Furious Finch]

"Or shot him MORE THAN ONCE!" they screamed, raising the axe and swinging it down at Lee in rage.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

He gasped and tried to move to the side to avoid it. "Alright alright, I'll get my fuckin' AWP."

 

[Furious Finch]

The axe crashed through the oven, splitting it to pieces and sending sparks up. The gas would leak, but the facility hasn't had gas, or WARM SHOWERS for that matter, for a while now. HazPyro seethes with rage, giving him the stink eye. "Don't fucking bother." they told him, ripping the axe out of the oven and storming off. They snatch their mask up and shove a Demoman out of the way, knocking him off his feet with a shout. She kicks him while he's down with a snarl, then resumes storming off.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

He shook his head in slight disapproval of his rage (albeit well justified rage) and headed off to get his other rifle, but not before stopping to help the Demoman up.


The other rifle actually had some stopping power, as opposed to his dart gun which to be completely honest was best used for humiliation and non-lethal takedowns.

 

[Furious Finch]

A half hour later one of the Soldiers could be heard tearing up and down the base demanding to know who last saw HazPyro.

 

[IncensedShedinja]

With his AWP, an obnoxiously loud and powerful rifle now holstered on his back in place of the Sydney Sleeper, Lee sat on a bench in the barracks with a bar of chocolate in his right hand. At least he had found something to eat even if it wasn't the healthiest option.