Fandom The Farmhouse Dream { The Last of Us 1x1 with icedthemoon }

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Jordan bit his lip as he felt the hands against his cheeks, and the sides of his face. "If I tell him what I should've done, no what I wanted to do, then the demon can't hurt me anymore? Can't hurt us anymore?" Jordan asked. He was terrified but at the same time, he knew that if he let this demon win, let the others take hold and grow, he'd continue to hurt and hide himself. His thoughts quieted for a moment when Carlos kissed him. When he said that he was doing well already. The tears slowed down as he pulled away from the kiss. "I.. I miss him. I've kept him at bay for months. And it hurts how much I miss him. Thank you. For helping me find my way back to him, back to me."

Kaleb shook his head a little as he heard Asher. "I said let it out, not let it go. Anger will always be there, worry and fear will too. The difference is how you let it rule you. Don't let it run your life because if you do, then you'll both hurt more in the end." He said, moving with Asher towards the door. "Now come on, let's go see your man." He said, kissing Asher's cheek gently. He hooked an arm around Asher's shoulder for support as he moved towards the door. ​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Carlos pulled him into another hug, because Carlos always wanted a hug, and he felt like maybe Jordan needed another one. This was a lot to deal with, especially after dealing with it alone for so long. “You are going to do amazing when he comes. I know you are, because you are amazing. You have always been amazing. I wanted to be you when we first met, you know.” He chuckled a little. “I like being me. But I wanted to be you. I like me more now. And I like you. You get to be you. You and your demons that will probably stick around for a while. And I get to be me. Me and my demons, which are mostly Kaleb’s to tell the truth. I just adopted them.” He laughed again. “Which is fitting since I also adopted his name. And I’m marrying him.” He looked around. “Here. Somewhere here. But we can talk about that later. When you feel better. When you’re with him.”

Let it out not let it go. Those words had so much power. This was why Asher liked Kaleb so much. They were so similar. He nodded. Okay. He could do this. Maybe. Could he do this? He didn’t think he could do it. But he wanted to. He missed Jordan. He thought he missed Kaleb, and he really did, but it wasn’t like the way he missed Jordan, and they were together in this community. They slept in the same bed. But did they sleep together? Not in a long time. How often to Asher wake up on his own, firmly on his side of the bed? Too often. He picked up the bag and groaned. “I didn’t pack hardly anything. We’ll have to come back and get more.” As he said it, he moved with Kaleb out of the house and towards the farmhouse.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Jordan felt himself pulled into another hug and he smiled for the first time in months. A real one. One that was not forced. His eyebrows rose as he pulled away, looking at Carlos with a confused look. "Really? You wanted to be like me?" He asked incredulously before he smiled softly. "I miss me. I'm ready to be me again. Thank you beautiful for listening and helping me." Jordan said before he raised his eyebrows. "I heard that, and once everything is better, I plan to hear all about it." Jordan replied.

Kaleb saw the nod, and he let out quiet chuckle at the words. "I don't think this was as much about packing as it was helping out family." Kaleb said as he headed out of the house with Asher. He didn't know where he was going, so he let Asher lead the way. "I'm ready to see this farmhouse of ours, it's been our dream since we met Alex and Nate, and they shared it with us. Now we can all share it together." Kaleb said with a big smile.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

“Of course I wanted to be like you. I was young and eager and had only ever known me when it came to people who were like this.” Carlos wiggled his fingers through Jordan’s hair as he pulled away from the hug. “You were like everything I ever dreamed of being. I don’t think I did too bad figuring that out.” He leaned back and grinned. “Also when you feel better, I’ll show you what I’ve learned since we’ve been apart.” He leaned in and whispered, “I think you’ll be impressed.”

Asher laughed. Yeah, it probably wasn’t about packing at all. They really would have to move their things eventually, but this was probably more important. He led the way through Jackson and out until they reached the little gate. “This is really your dream?” He gestured to the farmhouse. It was not a dream to Asher. It looked a little rundown. It was where Ellie and Dina were which he worried would be harder for Jordan. He opened up the gate and closed it behind Kaleb. The house was making him nervous. Maybe he should turn around. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do when he went in there and saw Jordan being whoever it was that he was now.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Jordan listened, as he felt the fingers wiggle through his hair and he chuckled softly. Then he saw the grin before he heard him whisper to him as he leaned in. "I'd love to see just what you've learned beautiful." He said, before he heard footsteps outside. Jordan's body froze, he swallowed, and pulled away from Carlos, shifting so he could face the front door, lip between his teeth and hands twisting in his lap.

Kaleb heard the laugh as they moved through Jackson, and up to the little gate. His breath caught in his throat as he looked at the farmhouse. "It is. A beautiful place to call home." Kaleb admitted as he held onto Asher. "Come on, I'm sure he's waiting for you." Kaleb said, moving through the gate, as Asher closed it behind them. He headed towards the door, and pushed it open, revealing Carlos and Jordan on the couch. Kaleb looked at Carlos and smiled, moving away from Asher. He moved slowly towards the other two and took Carlos' hand. "Let's give these two a moment love, and go find our bedroom. I'm ready to set this pack down and never pick it up again."​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

“You got this,” Carlos reassured Jordan as the sounds came. “Whatever you do, don’t let the demons win. You’re a winner. The door opened, and he smiled at Kaleb. They had only been apart for a little while, but he really did miss him. As Kaleb took his head, he reached for Jordan’s and squeezed it. He winked before getting up and moving away with Kaleb. “Mm yes please. Show me where you’d like to go. I actually didn’t see much of the house to be honest.”

Asher stood in the doorway unsure. Uncertain? Uncomfortable. He held the bag full of he didn’t even know what as he looked at Jordan for just long enough to feel all of his insides churn. He looked away. what was he supposed to do? Try and talk to him again just to be shut out? He didn’t know if he could handle that. He was already raw from crying with Kaleb. He was already primed for breaking. He couldn’t do that to Jordan when he was really hurting. He dropped the bag. “I, uh. I should go get more things. This wasn’t very much.” He twisted around to leave. It was easier to leave. Easier to run. Easier to be angry. Easier to not. The moment he turned around, he could feel the hot prickles of tears nipping at his eyes.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

He smiled at the reassurance, and felt the hand squeeze his before he turned his attention to Asher, standing in the doorway. His heart clenched as Asher looked away. This was all his fault. He watched Asher drop the bag and twist around to leave. No. Jordan all but jumped from the couch, crossing the room and placing a hand on Asher's shoulder. "Gorgeous. I.. I want.. no I need to talk to you. Please?" Jordan pleaded. Please don't run away, I need you Jordan thought as he waited to see if his plea would work.

Kaleb chuckled as he heard that, shaking his head. "Why does that not surprise me?" He asked as he turned back towards the hall. It was rather obvious where the kitchen and living room were. He peeked into the art room and then glanced at Carlos. "Well, I know one spot to look for you when I can't find you." He said with a chuckle. As they walked, he saw the two bedrooms downstairs, and then turned to the stairs. One door was shut, and Kaleb had a feeling not to open that one. The other bedroom to the right was open, and he looked in it. "What do you think about this as our room?" Kaleb asked, pulling Carlos inside, setting the bag down and looked around. "It's nice, could use some art though." Kaleb added, looking at Carlos and winking at him.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

He couldn’t do this. Asher couldn’t do it. Kaleb wanted him to be strong, wanted him to talk, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t tried already. What could he possibly have to say that would make a difference now? There wasn’t anything else. He already said it. He tried to tell him that he was there. He tried so say that no one was alone in this. Asher tried. He tried anything he thought could work, but he wasn’t good enough. He wanted to be good enough. Just good enough. He didn’t have to be this overwhelmingly positive force. He didn’t have to change everything. He wasn’t a hero. He couldn’t be that. He just wanted to be enough. Just enough. Borderline not but still on the good side. He couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t. He was better off with Carlos. Maybe one of these new ones. God, he was going to cry. He couldn’t cry. Not again. He raised his hand to push the screen door at the same time that he sniffled. Maybe the squeak of the door would be enough. “I need to get more. We can talk later.” He didn’t want to be harsh, but he knew he sounded it. He didn’t want to hurt him, but what was the point in trying? He wanted to bury his face in the man he had loved for years, but who would he find when he turned around. So he didn’t. He tried to walk away.

It was a very nice house. Carlos liked it a lot. Of course, many things were nice compared to what they had before which was nothing. Tiny rooms shared with other people in the quarantine zone and then nothing. Now they had a whole home. It was beautiful. At the top of the stairs, he moved to the closed door and listened. He was curious. It was a long time coming if it was what he was thinking. He looked at Kaleb and smiled so wide that it hurt his face. He had to shove his hands over his mouth to stifle the laughs. He ran after him and finally actually laughed as Kaleb pulled him inside the room. He tossed his bag down and spun in a circle. “My love, it’s more than I could ever dream. Though you’re right.” He pulled Kaleb close and pointed. “It needs a piece there. Some over there. Maybe a big statement piece over here. Something sprawling.” He rested his head on Kaleb’s shoulder. “We do have all that paint down there. It should come in handy.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Jordan held onto that shoulder firmly, hearing the squeak of the doorframe. “No.” Both stern and scared tones echoed in the word. “We need to talk now.” Jordan added, hearing the harsh sounding way Asher had spoken. He hadn’t worked up the courage to really talk to Asher finally to have him walk away. He’d pushed him away for so long and he realized how stupid it had been to do. “Gorgeous. I’m sorry. Please just come in and talk to me. I’ll follow you if you leave anyway.” Jordan told him, pulling a little on the shoulder. He could’ve wrapped his arms around Asher and dragged him in but he wouldn’t never do that. Not to his Asher. “Baby. Just. Hear me out.”

Kaleb rolled his eyes as he saw Carlos listen to the closed door. Once in their own room, he looked around and smiled as he was pulled close to Carlos. He looked around and then felt Carlos’ head on his shoulder. “I can’t wait to see all the paintings you’re going to make baby.” Kaleb said as he moved towards the bed, pulling Carlos. “Let’s check our bed out.” Kaleb said as he laid on the mattress and sighed. “Love, it’s so soft.” Kaleb said, with a big smile on his face.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Asher froze. No not froze. Freezing would mean that everything paused where it was. That didn’t happen. He stopped walking forward, but every other part of him was melting beneath Jordan’s touch. “Lovebug, I can’t-“ The air caught in his throat. Tears fell from his eyes and down cheeks. He couldn’t hide those. He couldn’t hide from Jordan. He never could. Well, not before. He hid pretty well now. He turned around with every intention of walking past him. It did not work. The moment he saw him, he stopped again. Jordan had been crying. His Jordan had been crying, and now he was going to look straight at Asher and see that he wasn’t the only one. The evidence still rolled down his cheeks. He wanted to ask what was wrong, but he didn’t think that Jordan would tell him. So instead he looked down. He didn’t move. He just listened to the screen door shut behind him.

Carlos plopped down on the bed beside Kaleb. He rolled a little. Wiggled a little. “Mm, you’re right. It’s a pretty good bed. Nice and comfy.” He rolled onto his side. “Comes with beautiful accessories.” He ran a finger down Kaleb’s nose. “I love the blue.” He laughed and sighed. “But really, it’s so good. And ours. Our house. That we share with family. Our room. That we do not share with others. Except for when maybe we share?” He grinned at Kaleb in almost a plea for forgiveness. “Our bed. You and me, love. Like we were always meant to be. And all of our closest family across the way and downstairs.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Jordan heard the words, heard that nickname fall from Asher’s lips as his love turned around. His breath caught in his throat as he saw the tears rolling down his cheeks. No. He did that. Jordan’s hands cupped his cheeks, thumb brushing at the tears. “Gorgeous. I’m so so sorry. I can never apologize for what I did by shutting you out. Please, sit down and let me talk? I.. I need to talk.” Jordan said, hand moving down to capture Asher’s, his eyes pleading with his partner. Hand holding Asher’s like he’d drown without him. And he was, he was drowning in this pool of self despair that he’d created. “Please?”

Kaleb grinned as he saw Carlos join him on the bed and he chuckled at the finger down his nose. “I’m glad you love the accessories on the bed.” Kaleb commented as he shifted to curl into Carlos’ chest. “Our house. Our family. And yes, sometimes we can share.” He agreed and then smiled at the next comment. “Our bed. One we never have to leave if we don’t have to.” Kaleb agreed, leaning up and kissing Carlos for a moment before relaxing into his chest with a happy sigh.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Did he really want to talk? Was this new? Was this Asher just living in his hope? Because he wanted it so badly. He wanted to be with Jordan again. He missed him more than anything in the entire world. Yeah, he missed Kaleb. For a while, he thought he couldn’t miss anything like Kaleb, but he was wrong. He missed Jordan so much more. Was he acknowledging that this was a problem? As fingers swiped at tears, brushing across his skin, Asher wanted to believe that this was finally it. It was finally something real between them again. He needed that. So much. He looked at their interlocked hands. How many times had to begged for Jordan to come back with that hand? How many times did he get the lie in return? “Okay.” But he didn’t move. He didn’t know how to make his feet work. “Okay.” This time it was Asher pleading silently for Jordan to save him.

“My love, this world has always been ours for the taking. We traveled all over just to take a look at it all. Scope out the prospects.” His arms held tight against Kaleb. “I think we did good finding this. We didn’t have to fight for it or anything. And I would have. I would have pulled out all the charm if I needed to just to get it for us.” His kissed the top of Kaleb’s head. “It could be our forever home, baby. After all this time.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

The breath of relief that slipped from Jordan’s mouth was loud and grateful. He heard the okay, the second one, and he led them to the couch. He helped Asher move until he could sit them down. Jordan held both his hands and looked at Asher with a broken smile. “Gorgeous. I.. I’m sorry for shutting you out. I tried to handle my demons alone, the ones inside that wanted me to go with Ellie. The ones that told me vengeance was the only option. But I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want to let you see the hole that these people created in me the moment they..” Jordan paused to catch his breath. “The moment they killed him. I have nightmares that I tried to hide, despair and sadness that I should’ve done more. I should’ve been there, should’ve checked the ski lodge like I’d originally been scheduled to.” Jordan felt tears on his cheeks as he spilled out everything inside. “Baby.. I’m.. drowning without you. I’m so so so sorry I tried to turn away. Tried to hide from you. Can you ever forgive me? I miss you, so much. And I can’t.. I can’t lose you too.” His words stopped as a sob came out a moment later.

Kaleb listened to Carlos as he felt the tight grip from his arms. “I know you would’ve, and I love that. I’m just glad we didn’t have to.” Kaleb said as he smiled. He felt the kiss on top of his head and nodded. “Our forever home. You, Me and our big beautiful family.”​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

This was too much for his mind to handle. He was not ready. How could Kaleb swoop in to talk him into trying to be ready and okay with the everything going on at the same time that suddenly Jordan wanted to have this conversation? And Asher desperately wanted to have the conversation. Was this Carlos? Of course it was Carlos. Of course it was Kaleb and Carlos working together to make everything right again. This was why he and Jordan loved them so much. They were the best people. Jordan’s words swept over him like a dream. A daze. Demons. Vengeance. Nightmares. Should’ve should’ve. Drowning. Asher didn’t know what to do. He knew that Jordan was hurting. He knew that he was haunted, but he would never tell Asher anything. Asher pieced it together with the tiny breadcrumbs Jordan dropped. At least he knew that he was right. Asher’s own tears fell hot and heavy but silent as Jordan spoke. Watching him so broken like that was the thing that hurt the most. What Abby did was unforgivable. He wished that he could have done something to her. He knew exactly what he would do. He planned it over and over every time he saw Jordan lose a little more of himself. Jordan was grasping for something right now. Pleading. All Asher had wanted was to catch Jordan when he fell, but Jordan kept dodging out of the way. It was time to catch him.

Asher took both of his hands from Jordan and stood up. He breathed. This was so hard. It was not hard, because it was hard to forgive. It was hard, because he didn’t know how it would feel if Jordan pushed him away again after this. He didn’t think he could take that kind of heartbreak. He moved to stand in front of Jordan on the couch, tried not break as he watched the rise and fall of Jordan’s chest from the sobs that tore through him. He pushed his hands against Jordan’s shoulder, shoving him back on the couch, and climbed onto his lap, legs straddling him as he rammed the entirety of his own body against him. In the tightest hug he could create, he held onto his best friend, his love, and his hero all at once. This was the closest they had been in months. Months. He had not really noticed how much he ached to feel him again until that moment. “I would have gone with you,” he whispered in voice that threatened to shatter into oblivion. “I would have done anything to fix you.” His weak voice sharpened like the blades he would have used on this girl who broke Jordan. “I would do anything for you.” Right now. Right now if Jordan wanted anything, he would do it. He would find a way. “I would have killed them all.” No he wouldn’t have. They would have eventually died, but it would not be swift deaths. Not like Ellie and Tommy. Every fiber of his being would have switched back to his roots. “But you aren't me. So I didn’t. I didn’t-” He squeezed a little harder. “I didn’t want to lose you any more than I had.” But he did anyway.

Carlos chuckled as they lay there on their bed. Their bed. He liked that a lot. Their room. They may have been on probation, but that didn’t mean that they were getting kicked out in a month. Who would kick them out? They were so useful and lovely. Absolutely lovely. “It really is big, isn’t it? I had no idea that we were going to suddenly be inducted into the biggest family that I have ever seen. Is this what we have been missing this whole time? If I had known, I might have wanted to come here sooner.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Jordan saw the tears rolling down Asher’s face, as he stopped talking, and he froze when those hands were taken back. Did he do something wrong? What did he do. Say. And then Asher was in front of him. As Jordan sobbed, he felt hands push on his shoulders and then Asher was climbing in his lap. Desperate arms wrapped around his partner, his best friend, his love. God he missed this. Missed him. He was so afraid to hurt him that he had pushed him away. Jordan sniffled as he heard the whispered words. The words that cut through Jordan sharp like knives. “I know. And I would’ve lost you. I tried to keep this from you because I knew you’d do whatever it took. I didn’t want to lose you to the hunter inside. But from now on, I’m going to talk to you, I’m..” he paused as he took a deep breath, face buried in Asher’s chest. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to prove how much I’m sorry and how much I need you. You are my world Asher. My heart. And you are everything I’ve ever wanted, and needed.”

Kaleb nodded as he thought about how big their family really was. “It’s crazy, but it’s home. Our home. Our life. And I can’t wait to see just what the future holds for us.” Kaleb said happily.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

There were times when nothing was enough. This was one of those times. He could not get close enough to Jordan. He could sit on him, against him and it would not matter. At times like this, Asher wondered if it still wouldn’t be enough if they could merge into one being. He used the couch to try to simulate what he wanted to do, because he didn’t have enough limbs for this. The back of the couch could be the physical pressure where Asher could not reach as he held Jordan’s head to his chest with both of his arms. He used his own head and neck to take the top of Jordan’s. The tears ran off his cheek and into Jordan’s hair, and he absolutely did not care. He would take a tear-stained Jordan if that was what he could get. Jordan was afraid of losing him to the hunter that he used to be, but without someone to push that back, he was present anyway. How else was he supposed to survive? There were things that Asher did that he never told Jordan. Things he did in his past. Things he did just last week. There was a reason he could get what he wanted. But Asher didn’t want to be that person. He wanted to be Jordan’s. He couldn’t be Jordan’s if Jordan didn’t know who he was.

He walked his trembling fingers to his chin and lifted his head, coaxing it out into the cruel world again but where Asher could keep him safe. Safe from demons and nightmares and whatever else wanted to come for him. Let them. Asher would never allow it. Not again. When Asher spoke, he was only inches from Jordan’s face. He kept his hands on cheeks and temple and around eyes like blinders so that they could only exist together. Kaleb told him to let out his anger and his frustration. He wasn’t supposed to hold onto all of this pain, because bottling it up was bad. He knew that. He needed someone to remind him. “Do you want to know what it’s like to watch your world fall apart in front of you? What it’s like to feel like you could never do enough to put it back together? When everything that used to work bounces off like rain, leaving only the remnant of its existence for such a short amount of time before it evaporates. I couldn’t- I couldn’t fill all the little holes and cracks inside of you, because they weren’t so little after all. They were massive valleys that would take more than I could ever give. And I wanted to pour everything into them. I wanted to give you anything, but it didn’t work.” He was not saying this to hurt Jordan more, even if it did do that. They needed to see each other like Carlos and Kaleb could see them. They needed to finally look at each other again. “I wish that I could have been enough for you. I wish that I could have battled your demons and traversed your nightmares. But you would have hated that. That would have failed you. But every time I didn’t do something, I failed again. And I just kept not doing it right.” At least he could still talk with the silent tears. “I had no options, but I love you so much, and I wanted to do something, anything that would help you.” Like walking out that door. Because maybe Carlos could be enough. Or this family. Or this house. Or anything that wasn’t Asher. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t do that for you.”

Carlos grinned and kissed the top of Kaleb’s head again. “Mm, yeah. It sounds like a beautiful future. So, Mr. Price, what do you say we do next? What is the first stop on our train to the future?”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Jordan was tucked into Asher as much as he could be. He felt the back of the couch against his spine. The head and arms around his head. He breathed in the scent of Asher, the scent of security and safety. The scent of his love. It calmed the raging river and lulled the demons tearing at his insides. Soothed the turbulence inside his core. He breathed in and out, in and out. Heavy sobs turned to quiet ones as Jordan breathed. He had no idea he’d missed this as much as he had. But it was the truth. And he was going to to whatever he had to in order to keep it. He felt the fingers walk up his chin, his head lifted, and he looked at Asher. Their faces were only inches apart, his hands on his cheeks, and temple, covering his eyes. He blinked away the wetness in his eyes as he looked at Asher. He heard every word that he said. Jordan never realized just what he’d been doing to his own partner.

“Don’t be sorry, I should’ve let you in months ago. I never meant to hurt you. I should’ve.. I.. I’m sorry. You are enough, you’ve always been enough for me. I just didn’t let you in.” Jordan replied, arms moving up to wrap around Asher’s neck. “I love you Asher McCoy. You are my world, my heart, my love and my best friend. I never want to be apart from you again, and if it takes years to make up for what I’ve done, then I will.” Jordan moved Asher off him gently, standing them both up. And then he swept Asher into his arms. “Let me prove it to you tonight. In our own room, let me show you just how much you mean to me.” Jordan said, looking at the man in his arms. They’d haven’t been close since before Joel died, and Jordan missed him so much.

Kaleb hummed for a moment as he listened to Carlos before he smiled. “I’d love to just relax and maybe sleep? I’m a little tired from all this activity and fun today.” Kaleb admitted as he looked at Carlos.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Asher was terrified, because it felt like having his Jordan back. It felt like he was no longer alone, and as much as he wanted to believe that was true, they had been there before. Asher would reach out a hand and get one in return. He would get reciprocated embraces. He even got the occasional kiss. Some conversations made it almost like nothing ever happened, but he knew better. He knew better than to think that it would stay. He wanted it to stay. He wanted to keep his lovebug. That terror double, tripled, extended to a suffocating wrap around him as Jordan moved him away. Don’t send me away again. I can’t- can’t can’t I can’t- They were standing and Asher couldn’t let it fall apart again. He was watching seams unravel, and he was shaking his head. Everything shaking. Suddenly he was no longer on his feet. He was in Jordan’s arms that held him. Kept him safe. He was always safe in those arms. Nothing could break his heart. He stared at the face of the one person in the world who could make him cry. Kaleb only managed it because it was about Jordan. Letting him in was a risk he had not wanted to take. He knew it would hurt. He knew it would only end in the kind of suffering that was so much worse than what he used to do to prisoners. He cupped his sodden cheek. Guided their faces together so that he could kiss him. Really kiss him. It had been so long since they shared a kiss that felt like love without the loss. When their lips fell apart, he whispered, “Take me to bed.” This was going to hurt so much more if he lost him tomorrow, but he would never be able to survive if he didn’t take the chance to mend things.

“I think that is a perfect plan, my dearest love.” He rubbed his cheeks and nose and mouth in Kaleb’s hair. “And tomorrow, I think I would like to take a bath. And wear something that isn’t this grimy. I miss being beautifully clean. I was doing so well keeping that up for a while.” He yawned. “Tomorrow. Not now.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Jordan had seen the shaking head and bit his lip, but continued with picking up his love. He felt that hand cup his cheek, and felt their faces guided together. Jordan kissed him back, like he used to. Before the loss. Before the hurt. Before the demons threatened to take away everything he’d ever loved. As the kiss broke, he heard Asher’s whisper and nodded. “Yes gorgeous.” He replied, moving out of the living room and into the first room after the art room. He shut the door with his foot behind them. He was going to show Asher just how much he missed him. And he remembered who he was before the loss.

Kaleb curled into Carlos with a chuckle. He felt the cheeks, nose and mouth rub in his hair. “That sounds like a wonderful plan. Take a bath and change into nicer clothes. I couldn’t agree more.” He said before he too yawned. “Tomorrow. Good night my love.” Kaleb said quietly as his eyes closed and he fell fast asleep.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

There was no better sleep than that which came after an exciting day in whatever way that excitement came. Asleep in the arms of the person who loves you the most. Wrapped up in all that tangible passion and care. The comfort of it could be so great that nothing could ever rouse you from the sleep. Nothing except for the piercingly loud screeches of an endlessly excited young man who had never lived in such luxury. After having had probably the best day followed by the best night and then to top it all off the best sleep he had ever had, he was still up before the sun, and instead of cuddling with his love and sleeping in, he found himself roaming the house. First, he made sure he could find all of his people. Kaleb and Carlos were happily sleeping in the room across the way from them. Downstairs, a door was shut, and he listened for a moment before he curiously opened the door to take a peek. They looked so peaceful sleeping all attached like that. He softly closed the door again and ran through each room one more time. He explored every cabinet and drawer. He poked at anything that could move to inspect everything. Finally, he decided to play with the various faucets. That was when he could not contain the squeal. The water was so cold, and frankly unexpected, that he could not contain himself. Too late, he shoved a hand over his mouth as he shut it off, and then he yelled up, “Sorry!” just in case that woke anyone up. Then realizing that the yell also was probably going to wake someone up, he flashed a bright red and groaned. Thankfully, the sun was rising now, so if he did wake everyone, at least it was a reasonable time. The sun was rising! He ran out the front door and to the porch to watch it change the colors in the sky. He had seen the sun rise many times, but this was different. This was theirs.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Alex felt Nate leave the bed, and he managed about ten minutes more of relaxing in the bed before the squeal woke him up. He’d never had a better nights sleep than he did last night. In their own home. A smile was on his face as he moved off the bed, stretching and slid off. Alex looked around the room and he was going to cover the empty walls with pictures, or try anyway. He was coming out of their room about the time Kaleb stumbled from his. He wasn’t limping as bad but the squeal had woken him up too. The yelled out ‘sorry’ didn’t help him get back to bed. Alex helped Kaleb down the stairs and they both looked for Nate, who was currently on the porch. Alex made his way out, Kaleb behind him. Alex threw an arm over Nate’s shoulders, while Kaleb stood on the other side. “Beautiful. Isn’t it? A perfect start to our new life.” Alex said as he watched it rise. Jordan was still fast asleep, and didn’t wake up once that night. No nightmares haunted him and he was sleeping so much more soundly than he’d been sleeping in months. He did not wake up to the squeal or the apology either.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Nate smiled at the two who joined him, leaning into Alex. He slid an arm around his waist and rested his head on his shoulder. “It really, really is. I mean, I know we’ve seen these before. We have watched so many sunrises and sunsets together, all of us. I know. I just… I just like it, I guess?” He let out a breath and waited a moment as they watched the colors. “I’m sorry that I woke you. I will try not to be so loud the next time I find cold water. I don’t know what I was expecting.” He looked around. “Did I wake anyone else?” He had a feeling that since Carlos could sleep through anything, that little noise was not enough to wake him. The way everyone talked about Jordan, he was the same way. It was Asher he wasn’t sure about. It did wake Asher, and though he was awfully curious about what could make someone screech like that in a place like this, he woke up in the arms of his lovebug, and he did not ever want to leave them again. He chose to stay there instead. The rest could handle their young companion.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Alex felt the arm slide around his waist and the head on his shoulder. “We have seen many together true, but there is something special about seeing one in our home.” Alex replied, placing a kiss on top of Nate’s head. “It’s okay Nate. I was already half awake.” Kaleb commented as he heard his question. “You certainly did not wake Carlos and honestly probably didn’t wake Jordan either. I’m not sure about Asher but I doubt that he’d leave Jordan even if he was awake.” Kaleb added as he watched the sun rising. Alex looked at the two as the sun fully rose. “I don’t know about you two, but I think a bath is in order?” Alex asked as Kaleb chuckled and nodded. “I completely agree.” Kaleb said.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews, Carlos Price, Asher McCoy, Ezekiel Finch, and Theophilus Sharpe (and the Smith Clan)
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist, Former Hunter, Former Seraphite, Former WLF | 21, 25, 32, 29, 25 | Current location ;; Wyoming

The sun painted the sky so many beautiful colors before it was just the sky once more. A daytime sky. Nate nodded. “Oh yes, baths are exactly what I would like. Do we have other clothes? I should figure out how to wash these. I know what I would prefer, but I am not sure what we have just yet. My mama taught me how to wash my clothes, so that is something that you,” he poked at Alex’s chest, “do not get to be the only one who knows how to do that.” He laughed before he kissed Alex’s cheek. “It’s nice to have some sort of useful knowledge. Alright, who’s first? One of you go while I looked for a wash tub. And a washing board. There’s bound to be a washing board around here somewhere. If not, I am going back into that cute little town and figuring out what I need to trade to get one.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan, Kaleb Price, Jordan DeShay, Kaiden Lachlan and Elijah Lewis (and the Smith Clan)
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer, Former Smuggler, Former WLF, Former Seraphite | 19, 27, 30, 26, 27 | Current location ;; Wyoming

Alex looked at Nate and shrugged a little. “I think we still have at least one clean outfit each from that little town. And we made sure to pack the wedding clothes. I wasn’t leaving that behind.” Alex said, looking at Kaleb who flushed and smiled. “I’ll go first” Alex offered as he chuckled, feeling the poke to his chest. “See. I knew you know something about being self sufficient.” Alex commented as he kissed Nate before he disappeared inside. Kaleb looked at Nate one more time before he headed inside and to the kitchen. “Looks like we’ll have to go to the town anyway. We don’t have any food here.” Kaleb said loudly, making sure Nate could hear him, that and he really didn’t want a breakfast of canned foods when they could go into town and have a real meal. Alex finished his bath and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around himself and headed upstairs to get dressed. He came back down and looked at Kaleb. “Want me to take that wrap off so you can bathe?” Alex asked and Kaleb nodded. The older man sat down at the table and Alex knelt, unwrapping his leg. “All good now?” “Yes, thank you.” And with that Kaleb headed into the bathroom, took a bath and made his way slowly upstairs and into their room to get dressed, curious if his love was up yet.​