Fandom Tale of Two Survivors { The Last of Us 1x1 with icedthemoon }

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex noticed that Nate didn't reach for his hand, and so Alex pushed a little. His hand took Nate's and squeezed gently, a reassurance. A promise. He knew it would be hard to think right now, but he was not leaving his side. "Okay. Come on." Alex said, leading Nate further into the woods, through the trees. "Look at these trees. Ever seen ones like these? They're called giant Sequoia trees." Alex told him, reaching a hand out to brush against one of the giant red trees.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Like he could read his mind, Alex took Nate’s hand. Nate wanted to cry. Again. Some big boy he was. He wanted to cry but it felt so much better than being alone, but he was so much more afraid with him than without him. Feeling that hand made him remember every time he felt everyone who was gone. Family. Friends from before. Everyone. Trees. Alex was talking about the trees. Nate’s eyes scaled the tall trunks of red. They were beautiful. They could have even been breath taking. He shook his head. "No. We never came this far west. Are they just here?”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex glanced over at Nate when he looked at the trees and smiled. "They run up and down the coastline. But they don't go past California, Oregon and Washington." Alex explained as he looked over at Nate. "I did try to climb one once, but as you can see, the branches are a lot harder to get to." Alex said with a chuckle as he led them through the forest.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate stared up as the trees towered over them. They did look like they would be significantly harder to climb. “It would be like rope climbing. Or up a pipe or something. Ben tried that once. He fell on his butt.” For the first time since the morning before, he laughed. A little. It was enough. He could forget just a little. “I could give you a boost, but I don’t think we would be tall enough.” He let that smile grow a little more. “We would be funny to watch. Like acrobats.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex heard Nate, and then he caught that little laugh. It made his heart swell and he smiled for the first time. "I think that would be a very entertaining sight. Though I don't know if I'd want to risk falling on you." Alex said with a laugh, it was soft but it counted. He looked back at the tree and then at Nate. He saw that smile grow a little and nodded. "I think I'd rather climb my normal pine trees." He said as he started them walking again, looking around the forest with that smile staying on his face for a few more minutes.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

As he stared up at those trees, legs following along out of habit, he stayed in the moment of beautiful forests with his tree-climbing beau. His monkey man. He liked that moment. It was a safe, nice moment. But then he thought about Ben falling, and he laughed, and he thought about Max making fun of him, and they laughed together. He thought about these trees, so tall, and the leaves that shaded them, and he thought about how the light trickled from above, casting shadows that danced across his limbs as he moved. He wanted to ask if this was the kind of thing Carlos would want to paint? Something beautiful like that with all of those colors. Would this be what he wanted to paint when they found him some? And when he turned back to ask, no one was behind them. No one was there to bask in that light and romanticize the art it made. No one was there to tell the story of Handsome jumping through trees in some impossible way, and no one was there to remind him of how gravity worked. No realist to ground his dreamer. Without thinking, he squeezed the hand that he held and breathed. “I don’t want you to fall,” he agreed even if that wasn’t exactly the point of the conversation. He was not sure if he could fix that.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex looked over at Nate, like he knew what his partner was thinking. Because he was thinking it too. The beauty of the light through the leaves and the art on the ground. It made his heart hurt and he could picture that conversation, but he pushed that away. Too soon, too real. He felt the squeeze on his hand and he squeezed it back. "I won't fall." He knew that wasn't the point, and it hit a little closer to the pain they shared at the moment. Alex's mind flashed back to the city, the metal, the fall and he wiped the tear that escaped. The light through the trees was fading as the trees were thinning out, smaller pines replacing the giant sequoia trees.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Don’t. fall. That was what he wanted to say. Not just I don’t want you to fall. Not promise me that you won’t. He wanted to be direct. Don’t. Don’t fall. Don’t fall from trees. Don’t fall from fourth stories. Don’t fall down when the infected bring you down. So many falls. So many breaks. So many. “Okay.” He trusted Alex. He trusted him with his life. But could he trust himself with Alex’s? No. Probably not. Not now. Maybe not anymore. And he was back to that smaller Nate. The one who lost it all.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

He heard Nate but when he glanced over at him, he saw how small he looked. Alex had gotten Nate back for a moment and then he was gone again. He knew this was hard, but Alex didn't know what to say or do. So he was just there. As the trees faded away and the overlook appeared, with the city in the distance, as the orange and red sunset was behind it. "Nate. There it is. Seattle." Alex said as he stopped them in the middle of the overlook. "We'll be there tomorrow."​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Seattle. That was Seattle. We made it, he thought to everyone he ever lost. We made it. Now we just have to find them. They have to be out there somewhere. “Alex?” His voice was so much littler than he ever had been. If he had been more aware, he might have wondered if this was who he was between the deaths of Max and Ben and Alex finding him. “Do you think we’re going to find them? The people who took in mine?” The unasked question was whether or not they were really going to find people who were working on what he wanted. Not all of the Fireflies were great people. Not all of them really cared about fixing the world and saving them from FEDRA. Not all of them but enough. Were they going to find one of them?
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex was stuck in memories for a moment, the fear and uncertainty of facing the city he'd left behind. Lev, Yara, his parents, his siblings. They were all on the other side of those buildings. His group, his people. He was pulled from his memories when he glanced over at Nate, hearing how little his voice sounded. "We'll find them. We have to." Alex told him, even as he worried that the group they were looking for would take one look at Alex and take him away. Take him to that place where they tortured his people. He'd heard of the 'apartments' before from Seraphites that had managed to escape somehow. He never wondered how they'd escaped. Alex pulled his hand away from Nate and pulled out the blanket, set so they were closer to the forest than the overlook's edge. Another day gone. "Are you hungry?"​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

We have to. That was exactly what Nate was thinking too. They had to find them. If they weren’t there, then they had to keep looking. There were more who didn’t die. He knew it. They were three survivors of the group. There had to be more. They had to find them. They had to find someone. Hungry. Was he hungry? Maybe. He didn’t know. When was the last time they ate? Yesterday morning? He looked down at himself and then at Alex. “Yes? I- I don’t know.” He tried to close his eyes and feel his body. He tried to be the medic instead of just a man. “Probably. Human bodies need energy to survive.” He moved to the blanket and sat.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex looked at Nate before he sat down on the blanket, and pulled his pack into his lap. He wasn't quite hungry but they needed to eat. He pulled out a can of green beans and swallowed hard. He held the can in his hand as he froze, remembering the feast. The dress. The moment in the closet. All the food they found. Replacements for beans. Alex quickly set the can on the ground, as if it burned him. The memories burned as he looked in his pack, seeing Carlos' journal, and reached past it for utensils and handed one to Nate with a shaky breath. Control it Alex. Breathe. Calm. Push it down. Deal with it later. "Green beans sound okay to you?"​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Canned green beans. Better than normal beans. Beans he refused to eat again. Beans he could eat but no one else. Beans, beans, the special beans. Alex’s hand stopped, and the can dropped away. He looked to Alex’s face. Trembling. Nate took a utensil but caught Alex’s hand. “Sounds fine.” He didn’t care about the food. He didn’t even want to eat. He brought his captured hand to his chest. He put his utensil down on the blanket and cupped the hand with both of his. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. He just wanted Alex.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex looked at Nate, feeling his hand taking Alex's and brought it to his chest. Breathe Alex. He shifted so he sat beside Nate, hand still on his chest. "Okay." He said, taking his free hand and popped open the can. Alex swallowed as he paused, glancing at Nate beside him, their sides touching. "We have to.. to eat. Then we can have zero feet."​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate was terrified. He was terrified of everything. Terrified of being alone. Terrified of being with someone else. Terrified of leaving this spot and never moving again he was terrified that they wouldn’t find these people, and he was terrified that they would. He was not so scared yesterday morning. Yesterday morning, he was not sure what exactly he wanted to do now that he had a new desire. Not now. Now it was so much worse. Now everything felt wrong. All he had left was Alex. He dropped one of his hands, keeping the other attached firmly to Alex’s, and picked up the utensil. “I know.” His hand shook as he moved it to the can and then he took a bite.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex used his free hand to eat a few bites from the can. He saw Nate's hand shake and he twisted his hand in Nate's and squeezed it. "I'm right here, relax even though I know it's hard." Alex said quietly. He really only managed a few bites from the can before he wiped his utensil clean and put it away. He couldn't eat anymore. Once Nate was done, he'd cover the beans and put them away.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Relax. He was relaxing. He was sitting. He wasn’t moving. He wasn’t running. He wasn’t crying or screaming. He was calm. Except that he wasn’t. They both knew it. He was only barely holding on. He was so sad. Unendingly sad. It felt like he would never be okay again. That was how it felt after his mama and then after his brothers. He got better. Better but not perfect. He could be better again. Better with Alex. He took another bite. Two. That was it. That was all he could do. It was enough for now. Maybe he could do more later. Maybe in the morning. When he finished, he slowly cleaned off his utensil as Alex covered the can. They weren’t anywhere close to finishing it. He waited. Wanting. Fearing. Arms just barely lifting from him and asking for attention. Asking not to be alone.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex covered the beans once Nate was done, and then took the utensil from Nate and stuffed them in the pack. Alex pushed the pack to the side, saw those arms barely lifting from Nate. He wrapped his arms around Nate, holding him as he gently lowered them to the blanket. Alex held Nate as close as he could, he would never leave Nate alone. No matter what.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

They slept close every night. It had been a while since they slept alone or even not super close. They were needy. They were clingy. This much Nate knew was true. Carlos told him as much. They never liked to be far apart. Five feet. They joked about zero feet, but it was true. They slept cuddled close. And yet, this was somehow more. This was somehow as close as they had ever been. So close. Never close enough. “I love you.” A whisper. A plea. A hope.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex held him closer than ever before, he needed the grounding like Nate did. Needed that closeness. "I love you too." Alex whispered, nestling into Nate as he held him. He wanted to sleep, wanted that rest, but as Alex's eyes closed, he feared the emotions that he'd been pushing down was going to come back up, he just didn't know when those emotions would arrive.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Sleep. They needed to rest. So he closed his eyes, and without a second of peace, he saw it all again. He held his breath and opened his eyes. Nate moved himself onto so that he could press their noses and foreheads together. He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know if he was saying something or acting. “Alex.” Desperate for the attention. He needed Alex to take it away, because he couldn’t do it himself. “When you close your eyes, do you see them too?” Smiles and falls. Laughs and explosions. Cries and bullets. “I cant see anything else.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex felt the nose on his, forehead on his and he opened his eyes to look at Nate. He heard him, arms wrapped around him tight. "I do. I see Kaleb falling, the world pulled out from under him. I can't get his face out of my mind." Alex admitted, needing Nate close to him. "I don't know how to stop it. I can't sleep, and I know you can't either, I could sense that last night. Baby, I- I should've grabbed him, pulled him back in through the door. Shouldn't have let him fall. It's all my fault he's dead." Alex felt the emotions he'd been pushing down rising up, faster, all unlocked by one question. One simple question. Alex didn't know how to help Nate, so he answered his question, words falling out of his mouth, as he held him as close as he could.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

They were like ghosts that haunted them. They followed them through the trees to show their deaths again and again. And more. “We weren’t with him.” They were too busy playing with Carlos. Too far back. “You couldn’t have stopped him.” Or maybe Alex was closer. Nate couldn’t remember anymore. All he could remember was the sound of the fall. “You couldn’t have grabbed him in time.” The panic in Carlos’ face before he ran to that doorway. “It’s not your fault.” It wasn’t his fault that Kaleb opened a door. “But Carlos could have kept him closer if he hadn’t been-“ bitten. He would have been right up on his. Carlos might have been able to stop him. “Carlos-“ Would have fallen with him. That that Nate knew was the truth.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex heard Nate, but shook his head. “I was right behind him. I c- could’ve.. grabbed him. I heard the creak, I..” Alex’s voice trailed off. He had come out of the room, saw Kaleb open the door and had made his way there. He had frozen in place when the stairs creaked, watched the emotions from shock to fear on Kaleb’s face. And yet. Alex couldn’t save him. Alex felt the tears coming as he pressed his head into Nate’s, tears flowing freely. “I could’ve saved both of them if I’d been quicker.” He whispered softly.​