Fandom Tale of Two Survivors { The Last of Us 1x1 with icedthemoon }

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan and Kaleb Price
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer | 19, 27 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaleb could only watch as Carlos placed mines around them in a circle. If he could cry more he would, but his tears had run dry. He swallowed hard, watching as Carlos flung his hat and journal. He watched as Alex held onto Nate, heard Nate’s screams. This wasn’t how the day was supposed to go, they were supposed to make it to the farmhouse. As Carlos moved towards him and Kaleb reached an arm out as Carlos came closer. “I’ll marry you right now. Carlos Price, I’ll be your husband forever. In this life and the next.” And those words were strained, forced, painful. They hurt to speak. He was fading. His life flashing before his eyes, and the moment he met Carlos flashed before him, and then now. So close. So tired. So much pain.

Alex refused to let him go. “No! You can’t help them!” He said, pulling Nate back. He snagged the hat and journal while holding Nate. He held both them and Nate to his chest. He started backing up, taking Nate with him. “Thank you both for everything. I love you two like the family I never had before!” Alex yelled to them, still trying to drag Nate away.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews and Carlos Price
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist | 21, 25 | Current location ;; Washington

With the sounds of the screams of the infect and the screams of Nate somewhere beyond, Carlos crawled over Kaleb, careful not to cause any additional pain to his love. Did it hurt him? Oh yes. He was losing so much nerve function, but he didn’t care. He pierced himself with the rebar sticking out of Kaleb. The pain was fierce but Carlos knew it wouldn’t last. None of it would. “I love you, Blue Eyes. Ever since I saw you across the QZ. You are my forever. And I don’t know anything about wedding ceremonies, but this is ours. We are one. We always have been. And we’re going to save our family. We are going to save the boys like Jordan and Asher saved us.” His hands, covered in Kaleb’s blood, caressed Kaleb’s cheeks. “I know it hurts, but it’s going to be over. And then it’s just you and me however long the world allows.” He pressed his face to Kaleb’s for a kiss like all the rest. His arms shook violently, but they were going to die together. What did it matter? What did breath matter? He could hear the infected so much closer. They would go out his way.

“I can help them!” Nate cried, trying to use Alex’s grabbing Carlos’ hat and journal as a moment when he could pull free, but it didn’t work. Instead, Alex was still bigger than him. He was stronger. He was so strong. He wanted him to let go. “No! Alex, let me- let-“ He sucked in a deep breath as fell back as he was being dragged away. “No! N-“ but the sobs were too hard. They stole away his breath and voice. He wanted to keep screaming but he couldn’t. He was losing the battle against Alex. Alex who was supposed to love them too. Alex who said as much and he was trying to leave. How could he leave them? How could he do that to their family? He could hear how close the infected were, and if they didn’t run soon, they would get stuck in this too. But he couldn’t leave. He couldn’t do it.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan and Kaleb Price
Former Seraphite, Former FEDRA officer | 19, 27 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaleb noticed that Carlos pierced himself with the rebar and he winced for him. But in the end, it didn’t matter did it? He knew that Carlos would never leave him and he’d never leave Carlos. “We are one, you and me. Save them like Jordan and Asher saved us.” Kaleb agreed, laying a hand on the one on his cheek. Kaleb’s eyes were closing as he felt the kiss. “I love you. So much.” One final sentence, one word. He pulled back, looking at Carlos once more. Kaleb's eyes closed for the final time as his head fell to the side, landing on Carlos’ chest as his body fell into him.

Alex knew there was nothing left to save. “Nate! Let’s go!” And without anymore words, he scooped Nate up. The only way he was going to get them out safely was by scooping him up, turning and running. He ran for the edge of the city, they’d skirt around it and keep going. They had to. Alex heard the first explosion from the first trap mine go off.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews and Carlos Price
Former Firefly, Aspiring Artist | 21, 25 | Current location ;; Washington

This was always how it was meant to be. He lived his whole life waiting for the moment he found Kaleb. He spent years and years going through the motions. And then he knew. He knew that this was his forever. He would travel the world with Kaleb. He would leave everything behind. People he knew. The safety of the quarantine zone. He would leave anything and everything, because this was it. As he pulled Kaleb’s limp body against him, he thought of it like sleeping. This was their last nap kind of a thing. Going to sleep together like they had every night for years. He closed his eyes and he kissed the top of Kaleb’s head, where he planned to stay the rest of his life.

When the first exploded, Nate screamed even louder. He writhed in Alex’s arms, but the explosion made him freeze. It made his seams fall apart. It triggered a cascade of explosions. Each one hit his chest and ears. They were leaving their brothers again. Again. He lost them again. Everyone he ever loved he lost. Again. Again. How could they lose them again? He should have at least loved that they could go out together and didn’t have to deal with one surviving without their other half. But he wasn’t happy. He didn’t know what he was. Because he should have been able to save them. He should have been able to do more than kill two more people. They would never have died if they weren’t following his quest. They died for him so that he could follow some lead he didn’t even know that well. As the smoke filled the air, Nate sobbed against Alex’s chest as the pain and loss grabbed at his throat and ears and shoulders. He wanted to die with them. All of them. Again.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex heard Nate scream, heard the explosions as he ran. He’d never lost anyone before like this, not ones he’d never see again. He held Nate to his chest as he heard him sobbing. Alex ran as the smoke flew into the air, and he ran. On the edge of the city, still in the state, still the way they were heading, was a forest. Washington had more forest than Montana. Alex ran into the trees, until he couldn’t run anymore. He managed to set Nate down, tears streaming down his face, before he dropped to his knees. “N- Nate..” The impact of losing them was starting to hit him now more as he stopped.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Time stopped working correctly. There was too much and too little. The seconds dragged across his skin like the way adhesive did when it set too long. He didn’t know when he stopped screaming their names. He didn’t know when he stopped yelling for Alex to let him go and let him go back. He didn’t know when the sound of the explosions rang through his ears and became the only things he could hear even when they were gone. He didn’t know when his sobs disappeared because his throat couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t know when his arms stopped beating against Alex’s chest and just collapsed around him. By the time they hit the forest, Nate couldn’t see the trees. All he could see was Kaleb dying in the middle of all that rubble and Carlos holding him close. Carlos holding him there. Alex holding Nate away. Everyone dying when he could have done something. He should have been able to do something.

Nate’s head collapsed into his knees as he was set down. His limbs were heavy from the amount of energy he expended trying to get away. Now he had nowhere to go. What was the point? His ears registered Alex’s words but he had no reason to move. No reason to respond. What were they going to say? If he opened his mouth, could he even talk? His eyes hurt as they sagged. His chest hurt. Everything hurt. They lost them. Lost forever. Gone. They were gone. They had them and then they were gone.

And it was his fault.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex saw Nate’s head collapse into his knees. Alex shifted and wrapped his arms around Nate, holding him to his chest. Seeing that, watching Kaleb dying and Carlos holding him close, feeling Nate struggle against him. It pulled at him, he hated it. He didn’t want to do what he had to, didn’t want to be the one that had to be strong. He may have been crying but he’d been so focused on getting Nate to safety, that he’d pushed his own feelings down. And then he broke, holding Nate to him. He was silent, but his body shook as he held onto Nate like he was a lifeline, like he was keeping Alex from falling apart.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

When they left his mama, they were only gone for like a month. They went on a mission or the Fireflies, and they came back to a massacre. Mama and friends and family dead. They left, because they had nothing left. They left because they were lost. And then they found one little lead. Washington. Maybe not all was lost. He went to sleep with two brothers one night and the next stumbled through a city with a fired gun still smoking.

Then there was Alex. Alex who meant everything. He was going to guide him out of the city of the lost. He did. He led him to safety and comfort again. He led him to two of the best people he ever met. They changed him. They opened his eyes. They taught him how to live. They went to sleep with two brothers one night and the next – it wasn’t even night yet – they stumbled through a forest with the air still smoking. Again. Again.
Again.

Again.

Alex shook against him as Nate sat there absolutely still. His hands dangled to the ground, grasping at dirt and leaves and roots. Again.

Again in the silence. Again in the quiet. Again in the stillness of empty.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex swallowed hard and willed his body to stop shaking. This.. loss was new to him. Sure he’d left behind his family, but they were still alive. Still breathing. Kaleb and Carlos were not. They’d.. Alex shook his head, leaning back as he let go of Nate. A new resolve in his heart. “We have to keep going. For them. Find that farmhouse, honor them by finishing what we were doing.” Alex’s voice was hard, no softness in his tone. He stood up, grabbed the journal and shoved it in his pack. He took the hat, set it on Nate’s head and then grabbed his hands, pulling them from the dirt and leaves. “Come on. A little further today and then we can stop.”​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Finish what we were doing. What were they doing? Finding a farmhouse? Finding Washington? Finding what little was left of the Fireflies. Did he even know who the Fireflies were anymore? Because he used to think he knew who FEDRA were and then he met Kaleb. He used to think that he knew the types of people who liked to explode things for fun and then he met Carlos. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing anymore. But Alex was right. If they didn’t keep going, then they died for nothing. They died for Nate to do nothing.

Again.

He stood without words and followed without acknowledgement. He had to keep going. He had to find a way to save people from that. Because if he could save people from things like those bites, then none of this would have happened. No one would have died. If he could save them from that, he could surely save people from things like what happened to Kaleb. He could do that. He could be that person. Medicine Man, right?
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex could feel the silence, it was thick, painful. He hated it. This was the worst and there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t save Carlos or Kaleb. Couldn’t let Nate go to them, he just left. He ran away with Nate in his arms. “I’m sorry.” Two words that held more than Alex could’ve expected. “I couldn’t let you go to try and save them. I just couldn’t lose you too.” Those words hung in the air as Alex spoke while they walked. He swallowed his emotions as he let out a low sigh. What else could he say? He chose Nate over his brothers, his family. And he’d do it again. And again. He wasn’t sure exactly how much further they had to go, but he’d check the map in the morning. Right now, he knew they were walking the right way, he remembered the area.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Sorry. Alex was sorry. So was Nate. So sorry. So so sorry. What could he do? He didn’t know but he should have done it. There is always something you could have done. His mama told him all the time that there was nothing that they could do when they watched someone die. When they had to take a life. His mama was always telling him that there was nothing they could do. They could be sorry but it just was. But then Nate got older. He learned more. He learned how to patch people up and put them back together. He could sew up wounds and find the information for a paste to make arrow wounds that probably should have killed not be as lethal as it would have been without him. There was something he could do, and he did it. All those people when he was younger- there was something he could have done. He just didn’t know what it was yet. Alex was sorry. He chose survival over trying to save people they might have been able to save. One day. With the right supplies. Sorry.

“I know.” Quiet. Soft.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

He was a warrior, at his core. Had been since he was born. Never had he let anyone close enough to hurt this badly if he lost them. Not even his family in a way. He kept that small shield up, the one that held his heart. That held who he was. Then he met Nate, and that shield cracked. Then Kaleb and Carlos ended up shattering it. Exposing Alex’s core. And it hurt. It cut deep having to do what he did. Those quiet soft words drilled further into him. Making him second guess what he’d done. The silence settled heavily again, as Alex kept an eye on the woods and the sky.

When he saw that orange and red bleeding together, he stopped them. Alex wasn’t hungry so he laid out their blankets, looked at Nate and let out a deep breath. “Let’s get some sleep.” Was all he said, as he laid down, an arm out as an invitation but he’d understand if Nate didn’t want to be beside him. It was Alex’s fault after all, he sensed something was wrong on that third floor and had gone after Carlos but not fast enough. He took Nate away so he couldn’t save Kaleb, and then they were two once more.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate stepped without walking. He stared without looking. He simply existed. It was all he could do for now. There was no doing anything else while he was stuck in the forest. Stuck. Did he feel stuck? Maybe. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe it had always been the problem. If he weren’t so stuck, would everyone still be dead? When Alex stopped, he stopped. Silent. He was stuck in his own mind. Stuck. Stuck because he stuck himself. He stood watching without seeing. Alex rolling out the blankets. Alex laying down. Alex suggesting sleep. Sleep. Go sleep after loss. Alex who kept him from running back to them. Alex who chose to save him over Kaleb. They couldn’t save Carlos. He would have died by now. One of them would have had to do something. Either his partner, husband, love would have to kill or Kaleb would have to watch someone else do it. There were no happy endings.

“Alex?” He looked at him really for the first time in hours. “Alex, they’re-“ the words caught inside. His jaw set as he felt the emotion crashing down on him again. Because they were going to go to sleep without the other two. They were supposed to be there too.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex sat up when he heard Nate speak, when he really looked at Alex. He bit his lip and held out both arms, gesturing for Nate. “I know. Come here. Please.” A plea, a need to be with his person. He didn’t like this, he hated it in fact. It was the worst feeling he’d ever felt. Alex didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t want to be two, he wanted to hear Carlos’ voice and see Kaleb shaking his head and laughing at whatever his partner had done. Alex wanted to play stupid games at night with them, he wanted them. Tears filled his eyes as he sat there, hands out for Nate. The emotions he’d worked so hard to push down were coming back up again. ​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate sniffed, sucking in the air along with everything else that threatens to drain from him. “They’re-“ Because this was really where he was stuck. The part that he could almost ignore if he didn’t look around himself. If he didn’t listen to the silence. There was never silence with the others. Carlos was always talking. He was always joking or reminiscing with Kaleb. They had such fun stories to share. Alex lay there with arms outstretched, and Nate was supposed to be laughing at Carlos propositioning them somehow. He would say something goofy like ‘Why Handsome, are those arms for me?’ And Nate would push passed him and curl up in Alex’s arms and say something equally goofy like ‘Nope, they sure aren’t.’ Or Carlos would take his place faster to steal a kill from Alex, because he loved them. And when Nate tried to take his place, he’d get a kiss on the cheek. And Kaleb, this whole time, would sit there and laugh, because this was such a good life. He would remind Carlos to behave even though they knew he wouldn’t. Kaleb would bring them all back into focus when they got off topic. Tell everyone to sleep because they still had more to go.

He took a step forward but his wobbly legs collapsed underneath him too far from Alex. He hit the ground hard, forgetting how to breathe from the sobs that came out. They ravaged his body that quaked in them. It took all his strength to keep himself up as his arms straightened from where his hands braced the ground. He cried so hard his stomach felt like he might throw up. He wanted Alex, but any time he tried to crawl forward. Everything felt like jelly.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

The moment Nate hit the ground, Alex was moving. He was on his hands and knees and crawled over to him. Alex wrapped his arms around Nate, lifting his upper body and holding him to his chest. Alex cried with him, hand rubbing Nate’s back gently. Sobs wracked his body as he rested his head on Nate’s. Tears slipped down cheeks and fell in his hair, the rub on his back ended as Alex pulled him closer, tighter. Holding him like he’d fall apart if he didn’t, because that was exactly how he felt. “I know.. I- I know.” He managed to choke out, as his body shook with his own crying. All he wanted was to hear Carlos one last time. ‘Handsome..’ and it was that memory that broke him further. He had never met someone like that, and memories flooded his core as he tried to stop them. They should’ve stayed in that log cabin town. All four. Together. And yet they had left, and found this.. this mess. It made Alex’s heart hurt, his throat was dry from crying, and eventually he ran out of tears.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

At the beginning, he could not do anything but let Alex hold him. He allowed Alex’s working limbs to pull him close. It was like his body could no longer function as it was meant to. Like he was the one who was bitten instead of Carlos. Carlos who worked and worked against the infection that threatened his nerves. He still made himself do what was required. He did that for Kaleb. Why couldn’t Nate move his own body? Why did it tremble uncontrollably?

Eventually, he too ran out of tears. Eventually, he too clung to his person. At some point, he was able to move his arms around him. It took a long time, and it didn’t happen all at once. At first one and then the other. When Alex ran out of tears, Nate still had some left. Then he didn’t anymore either. He was too exhausted to cry. He was too exhausted to shake and tremble. He held onto Alex and hoped that he could keep him up otherwise he would collapse onto the floor never to get back up.

“I shouldn’t have asked them to come with us.” His voice was raw and broken. It was barely louder than a whisper. He was sure that would have saved them. Perhaps not forever but from this fate. They came for Nate. He could have saved them by letting them go.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

He felt one arm at a time wrap around him back. He held onto Nate, keeping him up, close to his chest. He heard Nate's voice, raw and broken which made his own heart shatter more. "You can't blame yourself. They had plenty of chances to walk away, to go a different direction. They could've stayed in that abandoned town, that hunting cabin, or even left us alone in that city. If anything, It's my fault. I should've let you try and save Kaleb. I could've saved Carlos but I - I wasn't fast enough." Alex's own voice was raw, tired, and hoarse from crying. "They gave us a chance to do what they believed we could do. Find the farmhouse, bring peace to the world and join your people. They saved us, like those two men saved them that they told us about. It'll be really hard but we can do this for them."​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

“But they wouldn’t-“ be dead. Or maybe they would, but it wouldn’t be because of him. Nate would not be the reason that they died. “They were just going this way because of me. Because I wanted to find…” someone. But he did find someone. He found three someones. Three. He should have stopped there. They should have stopped pushing forward. They should have found somewhere safe to go. They could avoid cities. They could commandeer a nice plot of land, built a farmhouse or fixed one up. There were so many other options. “I don’t want to lose you too. I can’t-“ so many people gone. “I cant-“ but he had to finish the quest. He had to find the people to save the world. Their deaths would be for good. It was just hard to see the good.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex knew Nate would blame himself, it was just who Nate was. "Nate.. breathe for me. Come on love. I'm not going anywhere. It's you and I forever. I know it's a hard thing to promise, but I will be by your side. Now, come on. Let's get some sleep, otherwise we'll probably collapse here from exhaustion." Alex told him, ready to help Nate to the blankets. They needed sleep, their brains needed to rest. This was a horrible day, a heavy day, an emotional day. ​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate didn’t know what he would have done if Carlos had gotten Kaleb out. He didn’t know how he was going to kill him. That was the plan. Or at least it was Nate's plan. It was too much to ask someone to do that to themselves, and it was too much for them to ask Kaleb to do that. It was too much to ask Alex to do it too. Carlos was too close to both of them. It would be Nate. He had already done that. He could do it again. He could do it. He had another bullet. He could have done it. He could have- But could he? That was the real question. Could he do it again? No. He didn’t think so. He moved with Alex, clinging to him as they moved to the blankets. He fell onto Alex. Curled into him similar to that night so many days ago after his bite scare. But worse. So much worse.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex managed to get them onto the blankets, and he held Nate close to him, feeling how he was curled into him. He remembered that night when they were still two, back before they met Carlos and Kaleb. When Nate was attacked by a runner because Alex called him back. He remembered how hurt he'd felt then that Nate wasn't planning on telling him. And he knew how hurt Kaleb would've been if they'd saved him. Gotten him out only for him to realize that Carlos was bitten. Alex held onto Nate, exhaustion pulling at him as he closed his eyes, and drifted off to sleep, hoping that he was able to get some rest.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

He didn’t sleep. He laid there, face shoved into Alex as he tried to sleep. At some point, Alex fell asleep, and Nate wondered if he dreamed of their loss. Loss. How did they have any right to claim this as a loss when they were the reason that they were lost? Nate held his breath, hoping it would do something for him, but it didn’t. He closed his eyes, and all he could see were the many deaths that surrounded him. So many. Eventually he dozed but it was only to replay it all again. He saw their final deaths as horrible renditions. Their skin burned in the fire of the explosions. Jagged shrapnel tore them apart. They were blown apart and into places that hurt. He imagined them surviving long enough to be alone before they died. He may have gotten an hour or two of sleep throughout the night.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex, already prone to nightmares, did not get a fitful sleep. Flashes of metal collapsing, of a stalker haunting his mind, a bite mark on an arm that should never have had one, two men so in love that they sacrificed themselves for him and his love. If he hadn't had Nate curled into him, he'd have tossed and turned several times. He woke the next morning with a soft gasp, another nightmare that he couldn't remember at the edges of his mind. Alex was breathing hard as he slowly woke up, his eyes wide as he laid there.​