Fandom Tale of Two Survivors { The Last of Us 1x1 with icedthemoon }

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate jumped at the gasp and pulled Alex closer even though that was not really possible. It was possible enough as he wrapped his arms around Alex. The breathing was too heavy for normal sleeping. He had a nightmare. So yes. Nate was right. Haunted. Both of them. He crawled so that he was all but completely on top of Alex, weighing him down. Maybe grounding. It was grounding for him to feel that he wasn’t so alone. So alone. He didn’t say anything, because his voice was all dried up. He didn’t think he could say anything without crying. His eyes were heavy and swollen. It hurt. Everything hurt. There was not even the nice moment of forgetting as he woke up, because it was all his mind could see for the many hours of their night. He knew without a doubt what Alex saw in his dreams. It didn’t matter what the truth was. It was all the same.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex felt Nate crawl almost completely on top of him, and his arms wrapped around him tight. Not tight enough to hurt, but tight enough to ground. He was silent as he looked at the sky above them, those colors. He swallowed back his pain again, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He wasn't going to say a word, what could he say? He doubted his voice would work right now anyway. So he just held tightly to Nate, laying there as the sun began to rise.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate laid there just as silently as Alex. He laid there as the color came back to the world and the sun lit up the trees. Some light have thought they had fallen asleep because he was so still. No. He thought about breathing and how their bodies lined up at some point. It was probably him trying to think of anything else. Anything else. Because every part of him wanted to roll over and tell Kaleb and Carlos about this horrible dream he just had about them. But there was not Kaleb and Carlos to tell, because it wasn’t a dream. Finally, he spoke. His words were so quiet. So raw. “We have to go.”
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex knew they had to go, even as the sun lit up the trees around them. He didn't want to move because Nate was so still, perhaps he'd gone back to sleep. His eyes flicked over to where he'd normally see Kaleb and Carlos and there was nothing. Empty space, undisturbed grass, nothing. They weren't there. Alex swallowed back his tears as he heard the raw quiet words from Nate. "Then let's go." Alex told him, kissing the top of his head, rubbed his back and then removed his arms so they could move.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

The hard part of this was that Nate didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to get up and keep moving like nothing just happened. He didn’t want to keep this journey going like he wasn’t devastated that two people he cared for a lot just died. He didn’t want to pretend that this was fine. But they had to keep going. They had to make the deaths mean something. So he fell to the side, away from Alex, and slowly stood. He didn’t know where he abandoned his pack but found it anyway. Found his glasses that he dropped at some point, likely when he fell. Found the hat. Carlos’ hat. And he just held it. He just held this hat.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex could only watch as Nate fell to the side and off him. He stood up as well, looking over at Nate before he picked up their blanket and tucked it away in his pack. Then he turned to look at Nate and his heart broke again. He was holding Carlos’ hat and standing there. “Nate?” Alex asked, his voice soft. “My love, we need to move. We’re so close. I know it.”​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate pulled away from the memory of this hat flying towards them, that smile on Carlos’ face like he was giving them a gift and not like he was going to die. His eyes found Alex’s but Alex was all blurry and fuzzy. He thought for a moment that he forgot to put on the glasses but then realized that there eye on. It was the tears that made the world wrong. He was so tired of crying. They wouldn’t want him to cry over them. They wouldn’t want him to suffer like that. He swallowed it. The hurt. He swallowed it, he breathed, and he picked up his pack. The hat still rested in his hand.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex watched as Nate looked at him, then he pulled his pack on and Alex pulled out the map. His fingers brushed against Carlos’ journal and he paused. He was going to learn how to draw, use Carlos’ journal as a guide and he was going to make the painting that Carlos was going to. Once they made it to the farmhouse. He looked at the map and sighed. He took Nate’s hand, the one that didn’t have the hat, and squeezed it. He kissed the side of Nate’s head before he started walking, leading them towards the coast. Towards the people that could help them save the world. To make the death of their friends worth it.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

One step. Another. Another. Two steps. Two. Steps. Four steps. One two three four. Steps merging with steps until he stopped being able to count. Lost count. Lost. But there was Alex who held his hand and kept him moving. Kept them going in the right direction. Alex who would always get them to the right place. He was the right person. He was a good person. He wanted to find this place as much as Nate did, because he could see the vision. Right? He could see where they had to go. If his mama and his brothers and his whole family were going to die for this, then they had to do it. They had to finish it. They had to keep going. He held the hat until finally he placed it on his head and looked up.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex kept walking, the woods blending together and he glanced over to see the hat placed on Nate’s head. A piece of Carlos that they had to keep. A memento, a memory, that would push them forward. The forest opened up as fields came into view. Green grass as tall as his knees, and a few deer were in the field. He paused, looking at the map. “These fields are a sign we’re getting close to the ocean. I remember coming through here.” Alex commented as he started through the fields. He glanced at the map for a moment. “So can you point out on here where we’re going now that we’re getting close?” Alex asked, looking beside him at Nate.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

The grass was so tall. He wasn’t expecting this kind of change. He had never seen grass so tall. Even in the wild fields of the open land to the east, it was never like this. He put his hand down to touch the grass as they moved. It reminded him of streams. When he looked over to Alex, he had a map. Close? He blinked a few times and examined the map. Okay, think Nate. “Um, I don’t remember what they’re called anymore. But they were…” he tried to push away the image of Carlos and Kaleb on the ground, covered in metal and blood. “Up in this corner somewhere? Called themselves… Washington something. I feel like that doesn’t help since we’re in Washington. I bet a lot of groups call themselves Washington something.”
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex glanced to where Nate pointed, but that wasn’t what made his blood freeze. It was what he said the group was supposedly called. No. What are the chances that they were heading to the group that Alex had been fighting against? The group that was no better than FEDRA? Did they sacrifice their family for that? “That looks like.. Seattle. Does that sound familiar?” Alex asked, his voice eerily calm for how nervous he was to hear his response.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Seattle. “Uh, maybe?” It did sound familiar, but when he was with Max and Ben looking at this map, they talked about Seattle being the biggest city in the area. In fact, they talked about a lot of big places. But Seattle was probably what it was? It was big enough to probably have a group like this that would absorb an old group. He really couldn’t remember what they were called though. “I mean, I am sure that when we get closer, if they are anything like the Fireflies, they’ll have their name tagged somewhere. I can tell you then?” His hand twitched as he reached for Alex’s but chose not to. He looked away instead.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex’s blood ran cold and he turned to look at Nate. “I’m sure. The only big group I’ve heard of near or in Seattle.. is the Washington Liberation Front. Is that familiar?” Alex’s voice was strained as he made his way through the grass. He shoved his hands in the straps of his pack. Alex didn’t want to hear the answer though, terrified to know that Nate was possibly heading for the group that had fought against his, scarred him, gave him anxiety with cities. He waited as he walked, his breath coming a little faster as he bit his lip.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Washington. Crashing to the floor. Liberation. Debris and dust around a smile to say goodbye. Front. The ground shaking as strong arms carried him away. So far away. Um. That sounded familiar. “Maybe?” His mind tried to pull away from the smell of burning behind them. Washington. Washington. He already couldn’t remember what Alex said, but he didn’t want to ask again, because he was certain that he would not know even if he did. The burning swirled through his mind, behind his eyes and in his ears. Crackle crackle pop followed by another explosion. And another. And another. “I-I’m sorry. I can’t.” Can’t remember. Can’t think. Can’t do anything like do the one thing he was supposed to be good at.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Okay.. Stop with the questions. Alex heard the ‘maybe’ and his fears were crashing around him. Crashing like the metal stairs, taking Kaleb with them. He could still see his face, the shock and terror. Mouth open in surprise as the floor gave way and took him down. Alex shook himself out of the memory. He could deal with it later, he was good at that. Had to be. Warriors can’t break down at each turn, at each loss. “Okay. Let’s keep going then.” Alex moved forward, through the fields and back into more forest. The great, wide red trees surrounded them now, a common tree in Washington. “We should make it to Seattle tomorrow.” He said, remembering the way now. He remembered how scared he’d been, how terrified as he ran from the very place he was going back to. The red trees would give way to an overlook, and that was where they would camp tonight. From the overlook, Seattle would be visible in the distance.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

A gentle breeze flowed around them, the tall blade of grass dancing around his legs and hands. For just a moment, something broke through his mind, pushed past the wall of smoke and death. Rain. It smelled a little like it might rain soon. Part of him felt a relief. Maybe if it rained, it would not be so hot. Part of him wanted to collapse into the grass and let it cover him. The rain was too late to put out the fire. Unconsciously, he pulled his jacket tighter around him, fingered the wide brim of the hat before also adjusting it so that it covered his face a little bit more. He could pretend like it was shielding his eyes from the sun. He might have even thought that it was. But it wasn’t. He shoved his hands in his pockets and followed. Followed like the good little follower that he was meant to be. Like he had been his whole life. He followed his mama and then he followed his brothers. He followed them diligently, but to what? He didn’t know anymore. He thought he was following them to a cure. Not a cure to this cordyceps infection necessarily. Just a cure to the world. A cure to the hurt. But there was only ever more hurt.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Silence. It echoed around them as they walked through the field. The trees in front of them were wide, tall and blocked the sun. A cool breeze played with his hair as he entered the shade. Quiet. It was too quiet. It seemed that they lost the noise at the same time they lost their family. Alex held his head high as he started humming softly. Something to break the silence. A tear slipped from his eye as he walked. The darkness of the forest wrapped around him, and it seemed like even his humming couldn’t stop the silence from being so suffocating. Still he pushed forward, it was all he could do. All he knew how to do, so he did it.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

In the quiet, everything sounded like whatever his mind wanted it to be. The whistle of a jovial step behind him was just the birds that flew overhead. The bombastic laugh of a silly joke was just the call of an animal in the distance. This was how it used to be before Alex found him. When everything was quiet, there was room for so much sound that was not there. After they found the hospital, he could still hear the words of his mama’s drawl. He didn’t miss this. Sometimes, he felt bad that his mind was more occupied in the present reality than remembering those he lost. Sometimes he wished that he could bring all of this back. Well, he guessed he had even if Max would have hated that. Ben would have laughed, like Carlos, and told him it must have been because he couldn’t get enough of him. They were so similar. So similar that Nate hated the idea that he was replacing his brother with a newer, alive version. And now they were both gone. All of them were gone. All of them-

The gasp alarmed him, and he thought maybe it came from somewhere else. From Alex? From… no one else. It occurred to him, that it came from himself. Gasping for air, because he had been crying. Crying? Silent tears fell down his cheeks where they had been before. A constant stream.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex looked around the trees, but the gasp made him stop. He turned to the side, looking at Nate and those tears tugged at his heart. Alex turned completely and stood in front of Nate. Hands went to cheeks, fingers brushing tears away. There were no words, so Alex just wrapped his arms around Nate a moment later, taking a moment from their traveling to ground again. No matter what happened, what would happen, where they were going, Alex would never leave Nate, and would try to help and comfort and ground him as he needed to. Alex moved himself and pressed forehead to forehead, nose brushed against nose. Turning the silence into what he hoped would be a moment of comfort.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

So this was his life again. The crying that came in waves. Waves like an ocean he never went to. Waves like a sickness that refused to settle inside him his bones and nerves and gut. The wave was strong like the worst of the storms he heard about from coastal regions. This was why his mama liked to stay more middle of the continent. No water was gonna drown her and her own. But mama, what happens when it’s not the water you’re drowning in? What happens when it’s just you? Now that he was aware of his crying, he sobbed so hard into Alex that it was like they were right back where they were yesterday. No progress. He was keeping them from moving forward. They had a place to be. They had a mission to fulfill. If five of his people were going to die for this, then he had to complete it. How would his mama feel if he gave up now because he was sad. ‘That’s what you get for getting so close to someone in a broken and dangerous world.’ He was sure she would say something like that. That was how she felt about his daddy. That was why they didn’t talk about him much. That was on her for getting too close. He did not just wrap his arms around Alex’s neck. He pulled them tight like a boa constrictor and held onto him with as much fierceness as his body would let him. His face fell into the crook of Alex’s neck first because he was trying not to cry on Alex’s nose but then because he needed something to hide him away. As he pushed his head onto him, the hat fell away, landing without any sound at all. What an unsatisfying end. “I’m so tired,” he barely choked out as he cried, and he hoped that Alex understood it wasn’t about needing to rest. They already did that, and more would not help him. “So tired of death.”
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex held onto Nate, tight. He could feel the tight hug back, and sank into it. A hand behind a head, fingers in hair as he felt Nate's face in the crook of his neck. Alex heard Nate and knew exactly what he meant. He'd witnessed death more than he wanted, most of it had been fellow warriors killed by the WLF. Friends that he knew shot down by their snipers. "I know. So am I." Alex admitted, head nestled into the top of Nate's head. They could take a few minutes to cry again. He'd stop no matter when, no matter how long, just to deal with these waves of tears. "Once you are ready, we can carry on." Alex's words were quiet, voice soft as he kissed the top of Nate's head gently.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

He did not know how long he cried. It felt like forever even if it was only the next couple of minutes. He appreciated that Alex would stop there with him. He appreciated that he stayed with him. Alex would never leave him. But that was what Carlos promised Kaleb so many times. He was always saying it. He was always promising that they were forever. And they were. They ended up forever, never leaving each other’s sides. But Carlos almost left Kaleb. He could do nothing about that. As much as Alex promised to stay with him, and he had, could he really mean that? Max and Ben promised to stay a trio forever. His mama never promised, but it felt like nothing could ever happen to her. Eventually, however long later, Nate let his arms slip from around Alex’s neck and to his chest. He pulled his head away, still looking down. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as he stood there. “I should have been better.” He took a step back and turned his head away as he wiped his tears with the sleeve of his jacket.
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[EquineGurl23]

Alexander Brennan
Former Seraphite | 19 | Current location ;; Washington

Alex was going to stay with Nate, he'd stop every time. He'd hold Nate for however long each time. Alex knew it was hard to promise to never leave Nate, but he would do whatever it took to do just that. Alex was pulled from his thoughts as he heard Nate's whisper as he felt the arms slip from around his neck. "Do not be sorry. There was nothing you could've done. So instead, we do what we can and honor them." Alex told him, seeing him step back and wipe his tears. Alex held out a hand for him, a smile on his face. "Are you ready to keep going?"​

 

[icedthemoon]

Nathaniel Matthews
Former Firefly| 21 | Current location ;; Washington

Nate stood still another moment, listening to words that never made it to his mind. They settled somewhere beyond his reach. He breathed. Waited. Honor them. Honor them by finding something that could save the rest of the world. Right? “Okay.” They would hate if he was this kind of person without them. Kaleb did not work that hard to push away stereotypes and hard upbringings to let something like his death bring everything crashing down again. Crashing like old, rickety stairs and jagged, rusty metal. He nodded. “Okay.” And though he wanted to reach for Alex’s hand, desperately wanted it, he was afraid. Because what if it disappeared? What if he lost that too?
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