Fandom Forbidden and Scarred Love { The Last of Us 1x1 with icedthemoon }

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden loved the water, he always had. Perhaps it was because he had heard stories about it and loved them. Perhaps it was listening to Hayden talk about it, or perhaps it was his memories as a baby with his mom. Whatever the case, Kaiden had never felt more relaxed than he did at the moment. Kaiden moved back to the ladder and climbed down, moving towards the crumbled highway with Theo. “This is exactly what I needed.” Kaiden commented as the smell of the salty air filled his lungs.

Jacob nodded with a chuckle. “It’s worth a shot, but we should stay nearby just in case things go wrong.” Jacob said as he sighed. “This break might be exactly what they need to finally overcome everything they need to.” He added as he walked.

Josh continued to hold Hayden, humming loudly as he ran a hand along Hayden’s back. He was going to be there for his husband. And when he heard the gasp, and the weeping, he felt his heart break. “I’m right here. Shh. Baby. You’re okay. You’re safe.” Josh repeated his words, holding Hayden as close as he could. It was all he could think to do at that moment, even as those tears tore at his heart.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

“We’re not even there yet!” Theo called with a laugh. Somehow he felt like because they weren’t on a patrol and being an active member of the super fancy Washington Liberation Front, he didn’t have to follow their rules. He could be loud. He could laugh and have fun. Sure, he would still be cautious, but there was no way for some infected to sneak up on them right now. He wasn’t worried about anyone else. Maybe later. But they were going to get to the water. “Down this way!” He diverged from the road and through the overgrown grass. If they ran, they would make it to the water without any issues.

Soren paused their walk so that he could pull Jacob close. He wrapped his arms around him. Breathed him in. “We never had this problem, because you have never once struggled to speak your mind.” It was one of his favorite things about Jacob. He never had to worry about something else like that going on. Their communication skills had always been top notch even from the beginning.

Hayden cried. He cried and he cried, as he fell deeper and deeper in on himself the more he really woke up. Every loss. Every pain. All of it did not just sit on the surface. It sunk into him with claws that threatened to rip him apart. The ever present voice of Josh lingered so close to him, and he didn’t know if he should go to it or leave. That only made him cry harder. So much harder. He cried and he cried until the tears slowed long enough for him to know that he couldn’t lay there any longer. He didn’t even know where there was. Did he care? He pulled at his arm, finally realizing there was something attached to it. IV? With fingers that trembled, he tried to pull it out. “Where is Kai?” He asked as he tried and failed to grab a hold of the little needle in his hand. each time he slipped, the more upset he got and then lost a little more of his gross motor skills. “Where is Kai, Josh?” With each time he asked, his voice became more and more panicked. “Where is my son?”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden laughed himself, hearing Theo’s words. “I know! But you can smell it!” Kai said as he followed Theo. Right now, he wasn’t on patrol and he wasn’t a wolf. He was just Kaiden. And he loved it. Kai heard Theo and turned towards him, laughing. “Race you!” Kai yelled as he started running through the overgrown grass towards the water.

Jacob paused with Soren, felt him wrap his arms around him. Jacob tucked his head into his husband’s chest. “And neither have you. We’ve both shared everything from day one. Now we just need them to do that.” Jacob said, breathing in as he stood there, wrapped up in the safety of his partner.

Josh hated hearing Hayden cry, it tore at his heart and pulled at his chest. The moment Hayden pulled at his arm and Josh saw that, he sighed. When he went to pull it out, Josh took a hold of that hand and pulled it away. “No. Leave it love. It’s helping you.” Josh whispered before he heard the questions, heard that panicked voice. “He’s safe. He’s with Theo and they’re just.. going for a run.” Josh told him. He trusted his son, knew he was safe. Something in his gut told him that. “Sweetheart, you need to breathe for me. Calm down. I know it’s hard, I know it’s tough. But you can do it. I know you can.” Josh said. He wasn’t lying since both men were on the run, just running from Hayden. And he wasn’t lying about them being safe. Because he and Soren trained them. They were fine. He needed to get his husband to calm down, and he was trying his best.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

“That’s not fair! You can’t start without me knowing we’re starting!” Theo ran after Kai towards the water that for sure smelled like water. The whole atmosphere felt different somehow. It was like all they ever needed was to be here. He pushed his legs, and though he was faster, faster than Kai when he wanted to be, he wasn’t used to running in the tall grass. It created a drag that slowed him. Because Kai had that head start, Kai for sure was going to beat him. “I think you cheated!” He yelled as he laughed.

Soren folded in around Jacob, resting his head on his husband’s. From the moment they met, they said everything they wanted to say with only hours of delay between. Not days or weeks or months or years. They started without secrets. They shared it all. Soren came from a family of secrecy, and it never worked. He watched relationships fall apart and barely hang together. He knew that if he were to ever find someone, the way to keep them was to be as open as possible. “Come on, my love. Let’s get back around in case that intervention is necessary.”

“No no no let me go, Joshua.” Hayden’s words were frantic. He needed to go. He couldn’t be stuck in this tiny little room while his son was out there somewhere. He had Theo, yes, and Hayden loved Theo. He really did, but Theo was always the one with Kai when he did things like this. They were the ones who fell into trouble together. Hayden did not necessarily blame Theo for it. He didn’t think that Kai would get into any less trouble without him around. If anything, at least then Kaiden wasn’t alone when he was running off. Hayden did appreciate that. But they were still gone. They were still out of those walls where Hayden could keep them safe. “Joshua.” This word was an order. “Let me go.” He wouldn’t stay here. He wouldn’t. He tried to sit up. He tried to swing his legs over the cot. He groaned with so much pain that he was shocked. He hadn’t hurt that much in a very long time. Shaking away the shock, he tried to push away everything that was keeping him there. If he couldn’t take the IV out then he would pull away his hand. It would probably bruise, but he could handle that. He had to go.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden laughed as he ran, looking back at Theo. “Yeah I can! C’mon slowpoke!” Kai called as he ran, the feeling of the sun on his face and the smell of the water was amazing to him. As the water grew nearer, Kai only stopped when he came to the edge. “Haha! I win!” Kaiden said as he looked at Theo. “You only say that because you lost.”

Jacob curled closer to Soren when he felt him fold in around him. They had shared everything from day one. And it was perfect to Jacob. It was what he’s always wanted. “Yeah.. we should get moving.” He replied, though he pulled away reluctantly and took Soren’s hand to head back.

Josh heard his words, they were frantic. “I’m not letting you go.” Josh said softly, hoping that by being quiet, he could get things calm. Then the order came. “Hayden. No. You can’t order me like your little militia members. You aren’t leaving this cot or this room until you calm down.” Josh told him, his voice both quiet and rough. When Hayden tried to sit up and groaned in pain, Josh bit his lip. He felt the pull on his hand and growled low. “Hayden! Enough.” Joshua snapped, he’d just went through the worst twenty four hours, and saw Hayden fighting against two different substances. “Now, I need you to calm down.” He said, wrapping his arms around Hayden firmly and carefully aiming to keep him on the cot.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

“Nooooo,” Theo whined as he ran up behind Kai, slowing as he neared and walking the rest of the way. There was no reason to keep running when he already lost. He threw his arms out and spun slowly as he took it all in. “Okay, it’s pretty cool.” He waved his bare arms. He never got to grab another jacket because he was in such a hurry to meet up with Kai. Good thing it wasn’t cold.

Was he afraid? Yes. Soren was afraid. He was not scared for his life or for theirs, but he was scared that this was bad. He had no idea how they could even help. As they moved closer to the door, he felt like it was a good sign that they didn’t hear screaming already. That either meant that Hayden was still asleep or things were going well.

This was not what he wanted. He didn’t want Josh to hold him. He didn’t even want Josh to touch him right now. He wanted Kai. He wanted to get off this cot, run out of that door, and leave this stadium if that was what it took. He wanted to run straight to wherever he was and hold him forever in his arms. But Josh wouldn’t let him, and there was no way that he could ever get out of his grip. “I don’t want to calm down!” He was furious. Again. He spent so much of his time being angry now. No, was he furious? No. He was crying. Was he furious if he was crying. “I shouldn’t have to calm down when you are keeping me from being with my son.” So many things were keeping them apart. Josh. This leg. This room. That door. Those gates. These rules. The pain was so much that it hurt other parts of him too, but he couldn’t let that stop him. He would crawl out of this place if he had to.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden laughed, and for the first time in a long time he felt free. Truly free, not free during a patrol, but actually unequivocally free. “Isn’t it? The water is fantastic. And the smell. Oh I love it.” Kaiden said as he stepped to the waters edge and ran his fingers in the cool liquid.

Jacob moved to the door with Soren, and he stared at it. He was torn between going in and staying out. He listened carefully, and sighed. “Once we hear screaming, we should be ready to go in. Hayden needs that IV to stay in for now. He lost a lot of fluids.” Jacob said, concern in his voice.

Josh held on tight, he was not letting go. “You do need to calm down. Even if I drove you to Kai myself, you are in not state to see him.” Josh said as he thought about his next words. “I’m going to tell you something my love. My heart. And it’s going to sound heartless. But I’m not keeping you from our son. You are keeping you from our son. Your actions drove him out, ran him off. And before you can even see him, you need to relax and let yourself calm down.” Josh told him, and while he didn’t know if it would work or not, he was tired of not saying what he needed to. Tired of dancing around truths and hiding behind white lies.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

“Bro, do you need a moment?” Theo chuckled as he walked the edge too. “Do I need to turn around and let you and your ocean lover have some time together?” Theo stopped and sat down so that he could just look at the waves. The sound of crashing water was soothing. Calming. It really was far nicer than anywhere in the stadium or around it. It was like the apocalypse didn’t touch the water or maybe the water didn’t let it get to it.

This was slippery slope, but Soren thought that Josh needed the chance to work on this with Hayden without them there. Everyone was different with an audience. They needed time to just be them. “Agreed,” he said as he listened from the other side. “Do we have a plan if we do have to go in there?”

Of all the words he was expecting to come out of Josh’s mouth, these were not the ones he thought that he would hear. “What?” His voice came out a low rumble. He stopped flailing and slowly turned so that he could face Josh better. He stared at him. Really stared at him. Who was he even looking at right now? His brows lowered and eyes narrowed. His lips curled into a snarl. “How dare you.” His words were laced with every bit of venom he could muster from his tired and broken body. “How dare you presume so much as to say that I am the problem. After everything I have done for him? For us?” He changed tactics. He shoved his hand as hard as he could against Josh. He wasn’t trying to pry himself out of the IV or leave to find Kai. He just wanted to be away from this man who thought he could say that to him. “You are going to tell me to calm down when all I have ever done is try to keep this family together? You? Of all people?” He started to shake his head. “No. No, you don’t get to do this to me. I have worked too hard for you to take him from me too.” How could he say that to him? It was supposed to be better. They were supposed to be better? But no. No he was so wrong. He raised a hand to his face to block the pain.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden looked at Theo for a moment and rolled his eyes. “Haha. No. I don’t need moment.” Kai said as he slipped his shoes and socks off. Then he rolled his pant legs up and walked just a little into the water. The cold of it bit into his skin but at the same time it was welcome.

Jacob shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. “Unfortunately I don’t have a plan. Other than the sedative. And that’s not a step I want to take. If we did, it could seem like we’re ganging up on him.” Jacob replied, pressing his back against the door.

Josh knew he’d poked the bear so to speak. He saw those lips curl into a snarl as Hayden looked at him. He heard the venom in his voice. “I don’t presume anything. What have you done? His entire life you were there, loving him. But he grew up, you didn’t see that. If he’s late to meals you get anxious, if he’s late to patrol you send armed guards after him. How is that fair to Kai?” Josh asked as he felt the hand shoved against him. He didn’t move. “You’ve done well at keeping this family together but you failed to realize he is a grown adult. And you cannot keep him stuck here.” Josh added as he looked at Hayden. Those last words hurt, a slap to the face. Anything else Hayden said had rolled off his back. This? This did not. “How dare you. I made choices that saved us, saved our family. I did not want to take anyone from you but I did. And I cannot take that back. But you are pushing our.. our son away from you. But you don’t see that. Because you aren’t thinking about Kaiden. You’re thinking about how you can’t lose anyone else and so you’ll do whatever it takes not to lose him.” Josh’s words were harsh but these were words he’d been thinking for a while, been wanting to say for a while. “My past is not the best but every decision was for our family. You don’t get to throw that in my face either. That’s not fair. If you want to continue this spiral? Then I’m done. It’s my turn to leave now Hayden.” Joshua said, releasing his husband and slipping off the cot to head for the door.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

Well, if Kai was going to do it, then so was he. He threw off his shoes and socks and pushed up his pants legs as well. “I believe this is having a moment with your beloved,” Theo joked as he left his pack there as well and stepped into the cold water. That was also pretty cool. “I’m just intruding on the moment.” He took a few steps and then he ran. He ran through the water, kicking up the droplets all around him. The sound was magical.

Soren groaned. He hated this. He hated every moment of it. This should never have gotten this far out of hand. How did this happen? “Yeah, I didn’t think so.” He didn’t know what to do. He was running out of options. What could be so jarring and painful to finally get Hayden to stop and actually look around him?

One word after another slammed into him. It was like he walked into the gym and took the place of Josh’s punching bag. One hit. Another. Another. Another. Until he couldn’t breathe. He sat on this cot, and he couldn’t breathe. His throat was swollen shut. All that poison that rested on his tongue seeped back down and into his gut. All that was left was rot. He wasn’t even sure who he was more upset with right now, but Josh was the easiest target. He always had been. Our son. Kaiden was more than just Hayden’s son. That was true. Josh loved him. He knew that. Josh took care of him too. Yes, he was their son. But how could he be their son really when Hayden was the only one there for so long? The arms disappeared, and it was everything he wanted. He wanted not to be held back by this stupid military that only ever destroyed what was around him. His tears kept falling, but he made no sound. His hand trembled where it was meant to block them. It hung in the air between them. “So you’re just going to go? Again. You’re just going to run?” He laughed. It was a humorless, pained sound that choked the air. “Of course you are. Because all you ever do is run. Run back to your patrols and your orders and whatever else mattered more.” A flash of a nightmare that was his reality crossed his eyes. Bats and doors and dead neighbors in a pile. He laughed again. And again. And again until at some point he wasn’t laughing anymore but coughing. Cringing away from the pain that shot through every part of his body.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kai rolled his eyes and laughed as Theo joined him in the water. He ran after him, hearing the sounds of the water moving around his feet, swishing and hitting his legs. “This is pretty great!” Kai called as he ran, his feet pounding against the sand under the water.

Jacob had no idea how this was going to go, but he knew it was important. They had to work this out, but he didn’t know how to help. Was there anyway he could help? He did not know. “I guess we just have to wait and see.”

Josh froze. He was about halfway to the door when he heard those words. Slowly, he turned around, eyes narrowed as his own lips curled into a snarl. “How dare you. I did everything for you! I did everything for Kai! All of what I did, the orders, the soldiering, patrolling. It was always for you. The choices I made, the running I did. But you never saw that. And sure I’ve made mistakes but if I remember right dear you left first. Just up and vanished one day. All of you. So maybe I’ll run away. Leave Seattle. Because clearly I’m not wanted here anymore.” He said before he saw the laughing turn to coughing, and cringing. “But this isn’t helping us. We’re still broken aren’t we? You still blame me for everything and I’ve just pretended that everything was fine. But it’s not, is it. It’s worse actually. And I don’t know how to fix it.”​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

Theo ran as fast as he could in the water which really wasn’t that fast. Ran the length of the edge before deciding he should go too far from his pack and turned around. There was Kai running after him and he couldn’t help but do what was right there in front of him. “Think fast!” He yelled and kicked up his foot, sending water towards Kaiden.

Soren’s breath caught as he heard the loud words from Josh. So it wasn’t going well. He couldn’t hear all of what he said, but he heard the first part. He locked eyes with Jacob. What were they supposed to do? Was this the point where they intervened or did they give it more time? He didn’t know, because his specialty was getting rid of things like infected and the scars. He didn’t know what to do about this. He didn’t know what to do when the big bad of their story was one of their own.

The cringing was more coughing and more laughing. It was a violent cycle of all three. Hayden couldn’t do any of them for too long. Finally he was able to rip himself out of the hole and be back in the moment. He ignored the thing in the corner. “Do you remember why I left? Do you? After years and years of trying to make this work? Can you remember why I didn’t want to be there anymore?” He stood up and gasped at the attachment to his hand. He stared at it a moment. It was coated in blood. Blood and gore and flesh that fell away from it like meat off a bone. “Because you didn’t care. Yes, I want to marry you. Yes, we can still get married even though the world broke. Sure, of course I still want to get married, but I’m busy. Yes yes, we will still get married but I have to guard these people. I have to make these decisions. I have to do literally anything else.” His words crescendoed until they reached that peak. Then he was quiet. “Oh, but yes, I still love you. Couldn’t you tell when you’re the only one at home? Again?” He stared at the little needle in his hand, just a normal, clean on, and moved to touch it, but his fingers hovered over it. Clean and dirty and covered and barren all at once. He finally looked at Josh, and he wasn’t Josh. He was the man who haunted him. “Then go.” His voice was quiet. Soft. Sad and broken. “I knew this was too good to be anything but a dream.” He sat back down on the cot. If he couldn’t leave, what was the point in being up. His eyes fell on the engagement ring. The engraved sharks. The love that filled that. And he spun it.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden slowed when he saw Theo stop and turn around. He blinked before water sprayed him. “Hey!” He said with a laugh, and he kicked his own foot, spraying water at Theo with a grin. “Haha!” Then he turned around and took off with a laugh.

Jacob bit his lip as he caught Joshua’s loud words and then Hayden’s. This wasn’t going well but he didn’t want to go in and ruin something if this is what they needed. Jacob knew this was going to get worse before it got better.

Josh went quiet, listening to Hayden. He did remember. He remembered the excuses, the constant apologies. Josh was speechless, and he remembered how he’d been before. That soft sad and broken voice ripped through him like a red hot poker. He moved to the bed and sat down beside his husband. “Sorry does not cover what I did to you for all those years. I had thought I was doing it for you. For us. But I was not. I was doing it for me. Because you’re right. I was running. But I don’t want to run anymore. I want to be here. With you. With Kaiden. But I can’t do that if neither of us can let the past go. So where do we go from here? Because this cannot continue love, it is not healthy.” Josh said softly, looking at Hayden.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

Theo screamed a high pitched laugh as the water attacked him. “No you can’t do that! I was gonna do that!” He ran forward, water splashing all around him as he tried to catch up. “Kaiden Lachlan! Get back here so that I can drag you into this water!” He forgot who he was supposed to be. He forgot that he was a member of the WLF. He was supposed to be protecting people. He forgot about all of it. He was just Theo. Maybe he was Theophilus now.

“Come on, guys. You can do this,” Soren said under his breath. A couple of people passed and looked at them strangely. Soren shrugged and waved them on. People were going to be getting up now, and that meant people were possibly going to notice this. But the loud words seemed to disappear so maybe there was hope.

Hayden recoiled from the monster that lurched. Monster with the long arms that cracked against walls and floors. He bit his lip as he tried not to cower. But he did. He couldn’t stop. He hazarded a look up, and he didn’t know what to think. Suddenly there was Josh, the person who was supposed to be his. The person he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. His best friend for so long. The man who cradled his heart with his love. “Do you?” That was always something he still wondered sometimes. As Soren simply had an understanding with everyone that he would not show up on days he could spend with Jacob, Josh still chose to be in the fields. It wasn’t that he needed Josh to be with him all the time. He found a happy place in the labs and alongside Jacob. He had so many people around him that he loved. He had so many that filled that hole inside him where he lost so many. It wasn’t about that. It was about the thought that maybe Josh chose that because he didn’t. He didn’t want to be there with him. He didn’t want to marry him, so he didn’t for so many years. He didn’t want to be around, so he found other things he wanted to do more. That was how it felt for so long. “Why did you leave? Why did you leave FEDRA?” Hayden knew the official answer, but it never sat right with him. Now was the time to ask.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden laughed as he heard Theo and shook his head. “Nope! You gotta catch me! I’m not going in this water!” Kai said as he ran, the water splashing around his legs as he did. “You can’t get me in this water!” He added as he ran.

Jacob made a confirming sound with a hum as he stood there. He saw the people in the halls and ignored them. He heard the loud words stop and in his heart he hoped that they would be okay.

Joshua heard those two words and sighed heavily. “I do. Perhaps I do not show you enough of how I feel.” He said, looking at Hayden. He had gone into doing patrols when he went to the WLF because it was all he’d known for those years he was with FEDRA. “I left FEDRA for you. The official reason was given for everyone. But I did it for you. For Kai. That injury during that last battle made me realize which side I wanted to be on. I realized who I wanted to be with. You. The only reason I patrol and do other things on my off days because it was all I know. It was all I’d ever done. So I didn’t think about how that would affect you. We’re just doing the same thing before aren’t we back when I was FEDRA and you were in the apartments? I’m so sorry love.” Josh said, hands in his lap as he flicked his gaze to look at Hayden.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

Theo let out a mock gasp. “But you’re already in the water! Why won’t you just let me pull you down?” He ran through the water after Kai, hoping that he could catch up to him. He didn’t have much of a plan other than fall and probably be incredibly cold as well as severely wet. And was that a problem? No, because they were free. They were doing what they felt like doing.

Josh had been Soren’s best friend for years. He went from mostly being himself with Cap to guide him like a father to having a whole family in the span of a day. Not even a day. He had Josh and Hayden that morning. He had Jacob by that night. Josh’s father took him in the moment they met. He wondered if his mother would have done the same. After the horrible experiences he had with his own family, he had no idea that it would be like this, and he didn’t want to give that up. He loved this family. He loved being part of the Smiths. He knew that this was where he belonged the second they let him in. They couldn’t fall apart now. Not after so many years of being the family everyone wanted. He held Jacob’s hand and squeezed it for himself. Squeezed it for Jacob who was listening to his brothers. Squeezed it for Josh and Hayden both. Squeezed it for Kai and the family he knew that Kai wouldn’t want to give up lightly either. He did it for Theo too, because Theo was just as much a part of this family as anyone else. Soren closed his eyes, and he listened, because he had to make sure that it was okay. He pressed his back against the door too. They could hold them together from there.

“But it’s not.” Hayden didn’t have the anger anymore. He was too tired and hurt too much to be angry like he was. There wasn’t any use wasting the energy if he couldn’t get what he wanted anyway. “It’s not all you’ve ever done. We had a life before this. Before patrolling and saving the world.” Before Kai. That was the part that he hated about himself the most. Every time he missed the world before it changed was another time that Hayden killed Kai. There was no having that little boy if they never had to go to those apartments. Every time they read books together, ran through the halls together, and talked about the ocean. Every time Kai curled up beside him, because he needed help falling asleep or the other way around. Every time Hayden needed help and Kaiden was there to provide that comfort. All of those washed away when all Hayden wanted was to go back to his perfect life with their perfect families. When he was going to study to become a marine biologist. Josh was going to get an honorary degree helping him learn everything. They were going to have a wedding with all of their family and friends. It would be by the ocean. He would find the money for little gifts for every person who came to celebrate their love.

This was his selfish dream. This was the one that was even worse than the ones with the monsters. He put his head in his hands. Even that hurt, but maybe he deserved that. Maybe he deserved the pain. Was he really pushing Kai away? Was it really him like Kai told him? Overprotective and overbearing? Dangling past mistakes in front of his husband who was sitting there with him while he flopped between crying and yelling. His husband. His Josh. He loved Josh so much. More than he had ever loved anyone. Except for Kai. How could he choose to love one more than the other? How could he love one without destroying the other one?
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden shook his head as he ran, looking back at Theo. “Not going to happen! You can’t catch me!” Kai yelled as he ran. Well, until he tripped and fell it on the water because he wasn’t paying attention. The cold water bit into his skin like teeth as he jumped back up to his feet. “That’s cold!” He cried, arms crossed over his chest.

Jacob had more than one fight with Josh over the years. The first ones were about Josh taking Jacob’s things like any younger brother did to an older brother, then they escalated into stupid arguments about things that even Jacob couldn’t remember. His brother was just as stubborn as he was. Their fighting changed when the world ended. He’d yell at Josh for how he was always being a soldier first and a fiancée last. It never changed anything though. And here they were, waiting. Hoping.

Josh looked at Hayden, hearing him. No. He hadn’t always been patrolling and saving the world but that was back before the world ended. Back before everything changed. “You’re right. I did do things before. Like take you on dates. Study with you. There are plenty of fine men and women who can patrol. I think it’s time to retire from that. Spend all my time with you and Kai when he’s around. I’ll be around you so often you’ll be sick of me.” Josh said, gently placing an arm over Hayden’s shoulders. “Now. Can we talk about our son? And what we’re going to do with him?” Josh asked softly, looking at Hayden with his head in his hands. “Because.. baby, putting him in a box is not the solution even if it seems like the best idea right now.” Josh had tried to bring Kai up carefully and he hoped that it wouldn’t make Hayden upset. That was the last thing he wanted to happen.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

The moment that Kai fell, Theo was laughing again and running straight for him. “I didn’t have to. Haha!” He splashed his way straight to Kaiden and reached out to grab him. Of course, he wasn’t very good at water walking, and he also tripped. He managed to grab onto Kai’s arm as he smashed into the ground. “OH MY GOD, this is not just cold! This is freezing!” He yelled as he flailed in the water trying to get back up.

Since they were going to be there for a while, Soren slid to the ground so that he was sitting against this door. He patted the ground for Jacob to join him. No reason to stand. Would this bring more attention? Probably. He was not sure that he cared though. He was too old for drama.

“What?” This wasn’t the cruel question of someone hurt by the words they didn’t wish to hear. Hayden hadn’t been expecting Josh to say that. He didn’t even understand what he meant. He was suddenly right back in a world twenty years ago. More than that. He was seeing them running through an aquarium and staying up to late trying to remember everything he read in the last book he checked out from the library. He was surprised every time Josh brought him back something amazing or took him somewhere new. Every restaurant they went to. Every movie they watched. They are surrounded by this big, beautiful family who are all talking excitedly about a wedding they had not planned yet, and he falls asleep in the lap of his very favorite person. His person. As the words began to process in his mind, words like ‘retire’ and ‘all my time’ and ‘you and Kai,’ there were more words. Words about their son and putting him in a box. He stared out at the blank wall, feeling the bruises forming around needle that he yanked and jerked all around his hand. “I’m not-“ putting him in a box. “I just-“ want him safe in these walls where Hayden could protect him. But the tears were welling in his eyes again, and he couldn’t speak. Everything was so dry. Everything hurt. God, he hurt so much right now. His leg was more than a lot angry with him. “He’s all I have.” His fingers curled inward, and he squeezed his hands against his legs. What was a little more pain? “He’s my little boy.” All grown up. “And you-“ Hayden looked at Josh but didn’t know what he was seeing anymore. He couldn’t understand all of these words. All of these claims and promises.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden looked at Theo and saw him laughing and running straight at him. He saw Theo reach out to grab him and he laughed loudly as Theo tripped, grabbing his arm and pulled them both down. "THEO!" Kaiden yelled as he pushed himself away from the flailing that was his best friend and stood up, holding a hand out for Theo. "Stop flailing and give me your hand!"

Jacob slid down to the floor beside Soren, head on his shoulder as he leaned against his husband. "This is going to be a while." He whispered as he sighed.

Josh blinked, hearing the 'what' and looked at Hayden. He bit his lip as he remembered their life before this. The aquarium, the restaurants, the late night study sessions, the books he'd find for him. Josh heard those broken words, and then the last words. "He is not all you have. You have me, Jacob, Soren, and Theo. We're all here for you. We're your family. And yes he is grown up, he's grown into a wonderful young man. How about this, when he comes back, because he will and we know that, we all take a day trip to the aquarium. Just the three of us. What do you think?" Josh asked, hand rubbing Hayden's side as he sat there. "I don't know what else you want from me, I'm trying love."​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

He was so cold that he might have been in shock. His eyes darted everywhere and finally landed on Kai. He threw his hand up and grasped onto Kaiden’s in the hope that he could somehow save him. Not that he thought he needed saving, but he still needed help. “Okay okay okay help!”

Soren wrapped an arm around Jacob’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to his temple. “I know. I don’t plan on patrolling today. They can just try to scrape me off this floor if they’re still in there.” He smiled and leaned his head against Jacob’s.

There were too many different things happening all at once. There were too many variables in an equation he had not learned. Or maybe he forgot. He had such a wonderful family. A really great family. He saw them all at their table eating meals together. They always ate together. They always had. Others came and went, but they were always one. “I don’t- I don’t know.” He really didn’t. He didn’t know anything. Everything he thought he knew wasn’t right. He thought that he was doing the best thing for Kai. The best thing for all of them. He worked so hard to build a place that would not be another FEDRA. He hadn’t succeeded in that at all, had he? He loved the idea of just the three of them at the aquarium. He wished he could have taken Kai when he was younger and shown him all those amazing things. He could have been that little boy hiding behind his mom’s legs and staring in awe. They could have taken Emily too. She was part of the family. And if she didn’t want to, he and Josh could have taken him. He could hide behind Josh’s legs, because Josh was the hero. But Hayden could have bent down on his level and held out his hand. ‘Don’t be afraid. They’re just like you and me. They’re just as scared and fascinated. Did you know that we have found older fossilized sharks than the oldest fossilized tree?’ Hayden turned his head and buried it in Josh’s shoulder. Again, after too many times in the last few days, he cried.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden shifted and stood still as he snagged Theo's hand and pulled him up onto his feet. "That's enough of the water for now yeah? Let's lay on the sand and let the sun dry us off." Kaiden suggested, moving out of the water as his body shook from the cold.

Jacob smiled at the kiss to his temple and curled closer to Soren, feeling the head leaning against his. "I'm not going anywhere, my brothers need their nurse." He said as he sighed heavily.

Josh heard Hayden's words, and while he didn't have an answer, he continued to be that support. "I'm here for you my love. Let it all out." Josh said, rubbing his side as he felt Hayden turn his head and bury into his shoulder. Josh started humming again, quietly but loud enough to be heard. "When we go to the aquarium, how many shark facts are you going to tell Kai when we're there?" Josh asked after a moment, hoping that he could lighten up the mood a little.​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

Theo got to his feet and felt like he might have weighed a billion pounds. “Whose bright idea was it to play in the water in the morning like this? That person should know better than that.” He shook his head, but he was still laughing. He walked closer to where he dropped his pack and plopped himself down on the sand and stared at the sky. “So what do you think about freedom so far?”

Soren wrapped his other arm around Jacob as well, pulling him close. “They certainly do. Do you think Hayden has kept that IV attached to him? I’m honestly shocked we haven’t had him trying to run out of there yet.”

So he did. He cried, and it hurt. Every shudder hurt so much. He bit down on his lip and his cheek trying to do anything about the pain, and all he managed was to bleed. There was only more pain. So much pain. Hayden clung to Josh like he hadn’t just told him that he was a terrible father and husband alike. Like he hadn’t run around saying some truly hasty things about him the day before. Like he hadn’t looked at him like he was the monster his dreams made him out to be. Hayden held onto Josh like they were twenty-four again, and they didn’t have the money for something special. Like the world was rough but they still had their own lives. Like he loved him as much as he always had and always would, because Josh was his best friend and the love of his life and his superhero. He shook his head where it was buried. “I don’t think I can remember them all anymore.”
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden rolled his eyes as he heard that, laughing as he exited the water and sat down beside Theo on the sand. He flicked his eyes over to his best friend when he heard the question. "It's nice, weird though. It still feels like we should be patrolling." Kaiden said as he laid back on the sand, the warmth of the sand on his cold back was nice.

Jacob shifted so he could be pulled closer, feeling that other arm wrapped around him. "I doubt it's still in, but I should go check soon. He might need more painkillers now that the adrenaline has been sweated out." Jacob said, looking at the door. "Maybe.. Josh did it. Maybe they finally got through to each other."

Joshua held onto Hayden while he cried, feeling him clinging to him. He held him close, kissing the top of his head. Rubbing his side, his back. He was happy, even as he heard the cries that hurt his heart. He felt the shaking of a head buried into him. "I'm sure you can. Remember when you told me that coconuts are more lethal than sharks? Coconuts and lawn mowers. It really surprised me when I heard that. Or remember how many fatalities are caused by sharks? It was two, if I remember what you said right." Josh said as he looked down at Hayden with a smile on his face. "And if you cant remember more, I'll find as many shark books as I can in the library just for you."​

 

[icedthemoon]

Ezekiel Finch and Theophilus Sharpe (and also the Smith Clan)
Seraphite Warrior, WLF Member | 26, 22 | Current location ;; Washington

Theo moved a little, refusing to be too settled for any real length of time. The sand was sticking to his wet body and clothes, but he was cool with it. He was pretty sure he could shake it all off the next time he ran. That was going to be today. “I know what you mean. Feels super weird, but also, I like it. I like not having that responsibility for once. It feels like an endless cycle sometimes. We wake up to patrol to come back to go to sleep to do it again. Kinda wish we had other things to do sometimes.”

Maybe. No more yelling was a good sign. No one banging on the door was another good sign. Maybe Jacob was right. This could have been exactly what they needed. “Give them a little more time,” Soren suggested. “And then you can go in and make sure Hayden hasn’t killed himself doing something stupid to his body. Like not listening to it.”

“Coconuts kill thirty times as many people a year than sharks.” The words just came out of his mouth before Hayden could even think of them. It was entirely reflex. The knowledge shocked him. He had not thought about sharks in years. Not really. Not more than the sharks on his ring. He had not really thought about the aquarium either other than to torture himself for wanting a different life. He pulled his head away, face covered in tears and snot. He felt gross, but he was too tired to do anything about it. “I didn’t know you remembered all of that. That was a long time ago.” The fact that they went through everything they did and Josh still remembered the random shark facts that Hayden told him meant a lot more than he thought that it would. “I always liked the ocean more than land.” It was just a passing thought that came out too. “I was going to take you sailing, but I couldn’t afford the rental fee for the boat. Not yet. It was in a list of things I was saving for. It was in one of the notebooks. I don’t know if I have those anymore…” He swiped at his face with his sleeve, trying to feel a little less disgusting than he did. “Retire from patrolling?” Because it was still stuck in his head.
​

 

[EquineGurl23]

Kaiden Lachlan and Alexander Brennan (along with the Smith Clan)
WLF Member, Young Seraphite Warrior | 23, 16 | Current location ;; Washington

Kaiden could feel the sand sticking to him but the warmth of it was deterring him from really caring about it. He rolled his head to the side and looked at Theo. "I know exactly what you mean. Perhaps that's something we should talk to them about. Maybe break up the patrols and have do us other things." Kai said as he looked back up at the sky.

Jacob nodded slowly, agreeing with Soren. "That sounds like a good plan. Give them just a little more time alone." He said before he flicked his eyes to look up at Soren. "After this whole mess is done, we're taking a day off to rest. I'm exhausted."

Josh chuckled softly, hearing that fact and a smiled stretched over his face. "Yeah, that one." He said as he looked at Hayden when he pulled his head away. He could see the tears and snot on Hayden's face and reached over for a rag from the medical kit. Josh turned his head to look at Hayden with a warm smile as he shifted to look at him. "Of course I do. I remember everything you've ever told me. I may have messed up during FEDRA but I never forgot what you've told me over the years." He said softly, before he heard that comment. "Really? I would've loved that, I wish the world hadn't ended before that." Josh said, as he saw Hayden swipe at his face with his sleeve. "Here." Josh said softly, wiping his face and stuff clean with the rag before putting it away. "Yes, I'll retire from patrolling. I'm getting too old for it anyway."​