Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah? o: What do you want to do?))


I just giving Teag a small smile when she apologizes, then listen quietly to her explanation. I feel like shit... Because I was so stupid she started back up, and... Just.. God. But now's not the time to throw myself a self-loathing party. Right now it's about Teag, and she just said Jess got her the pack. Why'd she have to go to her..? It's bad enough she got it in the first place, but from Jess of all people..?


I take an involuntary step back, not noticing the tears in my eyes. I've always felt inferior to Jess.. That's one of the reasons I dislike her so much. She's had so much more experience, she could pleasure my Teag so much better than I ever could, I'm sure. And she's always had a crush on her, and I know she could used to get rather handsey.. And I remember one time when Teagan was extremely drunk and she thought Jess was me, and almost had sex with her... I know it's not her fault and I've never held it against Teagan, but I've hated everything about Jess since then. "Why.. Did you go to her?" I ask, cursing my voice for sounding so weak. Now's not the time for this...

 

[Memster101]

(( I want to go into either welding or body work on cars I'm such a dyke xD Do you have any idea what you want to go into?))


I peeked my eyes open when she stepped back, a faint frown resting on my lips at the slight hurt I saw on her face. I moved out from under the water so I could keep my eyes open, hesitantly after a moment guiding Mir under so I detangle her hair some. "She's one of the people I'm still in contact with from the old days and someone I more or less trust not to give me anything bad..." It had been a really long time since I had done anything harder than pot, something Mir didn't know about, and Jess had been my supplier. Whether or not it was because she truly cared for me or just had a little crush, she had always made sure that whatever she had given me was safe (as it could be) and for a good price. While it might not really apply to things like cigarettes, it had always stuck out to me.


Once Mir's hair was detangled, I found the shampoo and started to lather up her hair, trying to focus on that instead of letting my mind drift to the few times things had gotten out of hand between us. Chewing at my lip, I gently turned her around to get better access to the back of her hair, and so I didn't have to see her expression with my next words. "And... she was there when you weren't. I had no idea who to talk to and she had asked me if I was down to drink some on Tuesday night... I just kind of caved in."


((Sorry if my reply is a little short, I'm on my phone >>))

 

[Zotohxan]

((That's awesome! o: I hope you can do that, then! ^-^


I want to get into some sort of social work, or some other form of working in foster homes/orphanages, that sort of thing.


And you're totally fine ^-^ I don't really care about reply lengths anyway, so long as they're not all one-liners ))


I flinch at Teag's words though I don't mean to. "Okay.." I whispers softly, allowing my tears to fall since she couldn't see me anyway. I'm a horrible girlfriend... I really am. Because I was being stupid and selfish, my love went off to someone else. Who knows what Jess did to her Tuesday night? I don't.. I don't believe really that Teag would've done anything back, but.. I also know how hard it is sometimes for her to abandon her past, and to actually say no to people... I'm just afraid Jess would've taken advantage of that.


"Did she.. Do anything?" I ask, hating that I have to ask that... I really never wanted to ask that again, especially with how Teag knows I get when she hangs out with Jess.. Ever since I walked in on them at a party, Teag blackout drunk and high and who knows how far gone Jess was... They were naked in bed, making out, and it was... Insane. I only watched for a few seconds from shock before rushing forward and pulling Teag away. We'd really only been dating a few months by that point.. She was still so broken and fragile, and into all the stuff I finally managed to help her stop-except for cigarettes, apparently.. But after passing out in my arms I dressed her and brought her back to my house, thankfully my parents were gone for the weekend on some business trip...


When she woke up the next morning she just sobbed to me.. Begging my forgiveness and explaining to me how it wasn't her fault. I forgave her instantly, just like I always do... It hurts knowing how many times she's cheated on me by kissing Jess, or by letting Jess touch her when she was too far gone, or too shy, to tell her no..But I always forgive her, because I'm in love with this girl, and I know she'd never intentionally do anything to hurt me.

 

[Memster101]

(( Thanks And I wanted to sort of do that myself but as I got older I kinda realized I wasn't going to be able to be professional about it and to keep like a therapist/patient relationship with someone. I'll always try and mother and stress and worry xD That's exciting though I know a lot of people who want to go into that field. ))


I knew that I had hurt her, again, with what I had said and wrapped my arms around her, burying my face into the crook of her neck. It stung a little when some of the shampoo got into my eye but I ignored it. At the mention of Jess's usual advances, I winced and drew her into closer to me. "N-No...not really. She was a little touchy, like usual, but nothing too outrageous happened," I murmured against her neck. Thankfully I only had gotten a little tipsy, considering the fact I had to drive home that night, so I was able to avoid most of her advances. The only times I really had to worry was when Jess got shitfaced, drunk or high, and that tended to be the times when would kiss me...among other things.


When things like that happened I had to force myself to focus on Mir. Unfortunately, Jess was really good at what she does, and with my past history of pretty much sleeping with anything that had a heartbeat, it was rather hard. I loved Mir with all my being and would never dream of actively betraying her, but god it was so hard sometimes to push Jess away. As much as I tried to hide it from Mir, she knew that and it broke my heart. "I'm sorry..." Pulling her even closer to me, pressing myself against her back. I knew, and she knew, I couldn't promise not to see Jess. I loved the girl, she had been there with me through some of the hardest times of my life. Even if she was a toxic to me, I had the strong belief that you couldn't just abandon people as close to you like that, no matter how dangerous they could be to you.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Ugh, yeah.. That's my issue x3 One reason I want to just open some sort of group home or something, but I know you have to have a degree in social work for that as well, so I dunno.


What made you want to go into cars? o: ))


I turn around in Teag's arms and hug her tight, trembling slightly with silent sobs. I know she'll never leave Jess... And that hurts. I've tried talking to the older girl before, but she merely laughed and tried getting me drunk. She has absolutely no respect for the fact that Teag already has a girlfriend who loves her unconditionally... So the only thing I can really do is hope that the day never comes where Teag realizes I'm not nearly as good at pleasuring her as Jess, that I can't get her the stuff she wants for her habits, that I'm not happy with her habits... Jess supplies her, pleasures her, likes her. I can't do all of that. All I can do is love her and try to help her quit these things. Except Jess... I have a feeling that even if I were to get her to stop all of this, she'd still have reasons to find Jess and hang out with her. And again, that really hurts.


"I just don't want you to leave me..." I admit, feeling the shampoo run into my eyes from the bowed position my head is in, but I pay it no mind. The pain in my chest is worse. "I'm sorry I wasn't there.. I'm sorry I'm a shit girlfriend, but.. I don't want you to leave me for her.. I know she's better a-and can give you what you want, but... Please.. I don't know what I'd do without you, Teag.. I want you to be happy, and I know she makes you that way, but.. I'm being selfish... I'm sorry..." Dammit, and now I'm being clingy and emotional... I really don't know what's wrong with me. It must just be the emotional trauma from last week, I don't know.. Maybe I'd have to go to a therapist; would the police require it after we go this afternoon? No.. Bad Miranda, this is Teag time. Don't worry about all that.

 

[Memster101]

((That would be really cool o: Have you looked into it a lot? And I took an auto class my junior year and adored it, plus I'm one of those people who can't sit at a desk all day. I have to do something with my hands and I love art, so I figured it'd be a cool way to mix it if I can wedge my way into the industry I'm also toying a little with the idea of being a tattoo artist but I have to work on my art skills first and the fact my hands shake really bad is also another dilemma >> ))


I stumbled back against the wall when she turned to hug me, still fairly light headed, but pulled her back against it with me to hold her tight. "God Mir...I'm never going to leave you," I whispered into her ear. "Even if some of those facts are true, it would never be something I could do for the long run...." Pulling back some, I tilted her face up with a finger. "When I look at you... I can see our children running around the yard of our house. For fucks sake, I can see us as old, wrinkly bitties, knitting sweaters and blankets for our gandbabies while watching some old soaps way too loud because we can't hear all that great anymore." A shy, but joy-filled smile stretched across my lips as I pushed her now rinsing hair from her face.


"I can't wait to get old and fat together, to argue about bills and how to deal with our children when they start to become little shits. To whine about how bad our joints hurt because arthritis has set in and a storm is a-comin'-" My voice cracked and a soft blush came to my cheeks as I realize I had started to cry. How honest and open I was being, how heart-breakingly true it all was. We had never really talked about us having an adult future together, only discussing vague aspects of how many kids we wanted, names, boys or girls, and things of the like. Swallowing, I momentarily gathered myself again.


"With Jess...there is no future like that. I know and she knows that we'd have a great year or two at most, but it would burn us out and leave nothing else for anyone to love. With you...." My voice broke again and I cursed softly, running a hand through my hair and adverting my eyes to the ceiling. "I use to say I wanted to die before I was old...but because of you, I've had to think twice." I swallowed and dropped my hands from her, rubbing at my face to try and stop crying, to hide from how open I had just been with her. If could have, I probably would have bolted from the shower and ran for the hills.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Some, but not a crazy amount. It's always been an idea, but I only really got serious about it a few weeks ago. x3


Okay, that's cool! o: I'm glad you're able to meld those things together like that! But aah.. I understand. Maybe try getting people to let you draw on them with fine-tip sharpies in designs they want? It obviously won't be the same thing, but it can give you more or less practice.


Also, sorry.. I'm cleaning house at the moment >.<))


Through Teag's little rant at me I realize that I as well have tears running down my face. When she's through and starts wiping at her face I gently wrap my arms around her, peppering kisses on her neck. "I love you so much..." I whimper through my tears, "I'm sorry for all this... But thank you.. Oh god, thank you." I never knew she thought that way about me; that she'd thought about our future in such a way.. For a long while now I have, but... I never thought she would as well. I know she loves me, but to me.. It's always sort of felt like she'd choose Jess, or someone else who could get her drugs or whatever else she wanted over me if she ever had to choose.


"Babe... I'm sorry for being so stupid. But thank you." I don't really know what I'm apologizing or thanking for anymore, it's just.. What feels right. I feel as if we're both at fault for what happened this morning, which.. We are. I honestly just want to forget all of it ever happened, and just get back to being happy with my love. I hate all this crying...

 

[Memster101]

((Aw! What kind of solidified it for you?? And maybe! I'm like, sort of okay at art but I need to work at it more before I'd ever think about doing to professionally. >> And you're fine, I should actually do the same but I've been napping ^^*))


I started when she hugged me at first, honestly not expecting her to be so relaxed about my response. "I love you so much, Mir... Don't you ever doubt that," I murmured, flushing a little at her attack of kisses. After I managed to stop myself from crying, I looked back down at her, wishing we could stay like this for the rest of the day. "And don't you be sorry...I'm sorry." I leaned back and pushed her away some so I could just look at her, hands rubbing gently at her back and sides. God she was gorgeous. I could stare at her for days and despite the fact my cheeks were on fire from just openly appreciating her while she wasn't clothed, I continued to do it anyways.


My lips twitched into a faint sheepish smile and I shook my head some, trying to disrupt my ogling. "You're so beautiful...And..." I leaned forward, that soft smile on my lips. "You're way better than Jess at making me feel good," I murmured in her ear, placing a small kiss beside it. I set my hands on her hips, pulling her towards me gently so that we could stand together again, despite the fact the water was starting to being a little cool for comfort.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Eh, since I was little I always kinda wanted to do something like that.. Of course as a 5-6 year old kid I didn't really know what all went into it, but I knew what I wanted to do. Then as I got older I realized just how unrealistic it seemed, but now I'm just kinda getting into it again, and realizing it is possible.


Aah, I understand. I love art, but I absolutely suck at it. x3


Haha, naps are good too! ))


I blush a bit as I notice Teag just staring at me, then even deeper when she leans forward and says those words. "I hope so.." I mutter, leaning in and kissing the spot just below Teag's ear, then I start nipping at then sucking the spot, happily leaving a hickey in a more visible location. I pull back and rest our foreheads together, just staring into her eyes. "Thank you for being here, Teag. For always standing by me, and forgiving me for the stupid stuff.. And for not getting angry when I get on you about these habits, and.. For not hating me for hating Jess... Which I do, a lot... I really could punch her in the face and remain happy until the day I die, or rip out a bit of her hair or something, but.. She's your friend, so I won't."


I've never really been secretive about how I feel about Jess.. But I don't think I've ever been quite so open, either. "Maybe I'll just kick her in the vag and get it over with, or punch her in the boob.. She uses all of that way too much, especially when it comes to my girlfriend." Okay, that's enough.. I realize that I've been certainly been ranting long enough, and decide instead to get back to my original point of this little speech. "Anyway... I love you a lot, and I'm so grateful and lucky to have you.. I know I can be a pain sometimes, and I can be stupid and impulsive, overprotective, and all that, but.. I really do love you, more than words could ever say. And just.. Thank you for believing in me, and staying with me."

 

[Memster101]

(( Well that's really exciting Do you know if you'd have to pull someone in with you for the business side of it or? And I feel you xD Like I love singing, but A. I'm not anything special, especially concerning my voice and B. I have horrific stage fright. Like I pretty much look like I'm having a mini seizure with how bad I shake >> I definitely might take a class or two in art, just for funzies, but I've always kind of been timid about it because my mom is like...the artist of the family. She has her associates or something impressive for art and so I feel like I can't do it. It's weird >> ))


Contently I just rubbed at Mir's back as she gave me another hickey, adoring the fact she felt she had to so publicly claim me as hers. It usually got a lot worse when she knew I was going to hang out with Jess, I pretty much turned into some colorful array of hickies, bite marks, scratches, and various bruises. Of course, I loved it and she loved that it tended to piss Jess off. A little grin appeared on my lips as I listened to her rant and rave about Jess, shaking my head in amusement. I knew that Jess got off on the fact she could make Mir feel so violent and often loved to push her boundaries, especially when my love was present. I think she was searching for an excuse to have Mir hit her, hoping it would some how upset me enough to lead me into her bed.


Another smile graced my lips as I listened to the conclusion to her little speech and I absently reached behind me to turn the water off before it got too cold. "And thank you for staying with me through all of my stupid little stunts. I've got to be twice more the worry than you are, but somehow you still stick with me. I love you...forever and always." I stood slightly on my toes to kiss her forehead, nuzzling our noses together when I dropped back down to the flats of my feet, staring adoringly into her blue eyes.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Shit, I'm so sorry ;w; I was out cleaning then my Mom got home and now I'm making dinner and we're watching Haven on Netflix x3


And it's not necessary to bring someone else in, but I know I won't have the funds, probably even with a business loan, so.. Yes. I'll more than likely have to bribe one of my friends to help me through it. x3


But gaaah! I have the same problem! ;w; It's even hard for me to show people videos of my singing x'D And that's not weird at all.. it's inferiority, I've got it toward both my siblings, so I know the pain. But there's no harm in taking some classes and getting a better understanding of art, and then maybe you and your Mom could bond more over that? o: ))


My eyes meet Teag's grey ones and I can't help but become teary eyed again. Despite her words, I'm still so afraid she'll someday see how much better than me Jess is... I don't know, it's probably another of my stupid worries, but.. Either way, it's there. "We should.. Get ready for school now, love.." I finally pull my gaze from hers, walking out of the shower and grabbing two towels, handing one to her as I start to dry myself off as well. "And.. You're still up for coming with me this afternoon, right?"


Honestly,I'm a bit afraid Teag won't want to come with me.. Just on grounds of how upset I made her this morning. Maybe she only agreed last night because of the situation we were in? She didn't want to upset me even more? I don't think she'd do that, but... It's not as if it's unheard of for Teag to lie in order to make me feel better. It hasn't happened blatantly in awhile, but still. And it's not as if I'm innocent of it either; we both just love each other and want one another to be happy, but.. I want her to be honest about this. If she really doesn't want to go with me, I don't want to make her.

 

[Memster101]

((You're fine! That can happen sometimes. And it's for real D: I can sing along to songs while around friends if the music is up fairly loud and I have a close friend who I use to sing to sleep over skype ^^* But aside from that I'm pretty shy, especially when it comes to choral singing >< And yeaah. That would be kind of nice Her and I should probably be a little closer than we are >> ))


I waited for Mir to hand me the towel before coming out with it around me. Without really taking the towel off, I started to rub myself dry, wincing inwardly at how sore I was from both yesterday and my fall from the roof. A frown touched my lips at her question, wondering why she felt the need to ask that. Of course I wanted to go with her. I couldn't forgive myself if she went alone. "Of course I'll come," I soothed. Once I felt we were dry enough, I lead her over into my room so that we could get dressed. "Did you want to go right after school or?" I wasn't sure if there was anything she felt she needed, but we could definitely stop by if she did. Speaking of which...


"What are you going to do about your book bag...?" I knew she had her more relaxed classes today, but was unsure of whether or not there was anything important. "Is most of your stuff in your locker?" Chewing at my lip, I picked through my clothing, finding pairs of underwear but pausing at the bras. All of my actual ones were in the wash, so we'd have to deal with sport bras today. "Sorry...It's all I've got unless you don't care if it's dirty?" I handed her the items and then plodded over to my closet to pick through my clothes. For myself I pulled out a long, baggy sweater, but made sure it was low cut enough to show off Mir's love marks, and a pair of black skinny jeans.


Moving away from the closet so Mir could pick through it, I shyly removed the towel, quickly pulling on the clothing I had chosen. I paused after I pulled my jeans on,blinking when I noticed they were slightly baggier than they had been the previous week or so. A flood of mix emotions raised up in me- anger and disappointment for letting myself do so, and pride and mild excitement that I was loosing weight again. I swallowed and bagged my sweater some to hide the fact, not wanting Mir to be any more worried than usual.

 

[Zotohxan]

(( There's only like two friends I'm comfortable singing around at all. Everyone else, it's just kinda.. Mehh owo And awh, that's sweet x3


And I know what you mean <.< My own mother and I aren't crazy close, either. ))


I think over Teag's questions as I walk into her closet and pull out a pair of fairly baggy jeans, an oversized shirt which she sometimes sleeps in, and a thin jacket. I then drop the towel easily and dress, letting out a short sigh after. "Thank you... Yeah, I just want to get it over with as soon as possible.. And all my things are in my locker, I actually left my bag there last Friday, since I'd finished all my homework before heading home." I let out a short breath, making sure that as much of my body that could be covered is, and the outfit absolutely swamps my frame. If someone were to see me who didn't see how I normally dress, they'd think I was no more than a straight wooden plank. And that's exactly what I'm going for.


It's now that my nerves sort of start getting to me... Thinking about going to school. With all the hormonal teenage boys who don't know anything of boundaries or personal space.. I can't hold back the shiver that goes down my spine at the thought. Since I've never really been one to hide my curves, I didn't really accentuate them, but boys still took notice.. Even though I'd use nothing but a bit of foundation and lip gloss, boys still took notice. And they still do... And I hate it. Everyone at school knows Teag and I are together, and I can't count the amount of times boys have tried cornering me, passing notes, blatantly asking either to watch us while we have sex, or to hook up with one or both of us... It's sickening, honestly.


I'm gay... 100%, flaming homosexual. And they don't seem to understand that... As I said, they don't know anything of boundaries. I don't realize that I'm trembling until I lean down to grab my flats and see that my hand is shaking horribly. I quickly sit on the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, just trying to calm down.

 

[Memster101]

(( Hehe^^* And that sucks >< I'm way more close to my dad, he's pretty much my best friend. I know that kinda upsets my mom but oh wells I suppose. Erhhmmm, So I may be engaging in risky behavior tonight >> ))


Part of me was a little sad that Mir was hiding her gorgeous body, but I knew exactly why and didn't question her about it. If the situations had been reversed, I would have probably done the same. Of course, this was how I naturally dressed so... When you were a stick by your own doing you tended not to show off your work. A frown escaped my lips when I saw Mir start to have another anxiety attack, and knelt down beside her, pulling her to me. "You're going to be okay babe..." I murmured in her ear, rubbing gently at her arms. "The best way to be ignore is just to keep your head down, stick some earphones in your ears, and move as quickly as possible with minimal eye contact....Make yourself small, invisible." I nuzzled her temple gently, trying to calm her.


I knew exactly how Mir felt about Jess when she would tell me about the guys at school and today, I swore to god if someone touched her they were going to loose a tooth. "You keep your phone on at all times, text me between classes, okay? If anyone does anything, you tell me. I don't care if it's Mark Larsen or one of his cronies." Mark was one of the line backs for the school football team and most of his friends were either football players or wrestlers. Easily twice my size and had more than a hundred and fifty pounds on me at least. "I'll try and walk with you to class when I can and when it's lunch we can go hide out in my car or somewhere on the campus."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Well, I'm glad you're able to be close with at least one of your parents. ^-^


;-; What're you doing..?))


I nod slowly, just leaning over and resting against Teag as I ride out the attack. It's one that practically mutes me... Oh how I hate these. I can't speak, sometimes I can't hear or see, either. But the constant is always being unable to speak. It feels as if there's some horrid knot in my throat, with little spines all around it. It stabs into me, making me cry harder and making it impossible to utter a single sound. It takes around fifteen minutes for it all to finally be over. And when it is I turn in Teag's arms and hug her tightly, sniffling back even more tears. "Thank you..." I whimper, nuzzling my face against her neck. "I'll be okay, I... It's just.. It's hard, since then..."


I figure I don't need to elaborate on when exactly 'then' is. It's sort of been one of the main focuses since yesterday, so.. I'd rather not bring it up again. Slowly I pull away, forcing a small smile to my girlfriend before shakily standing, my body not quite caught up with my mind that the attack is over. I'll calm down soon enough, but.. For now, I just need to remind myself that I'm with my Teagan, and I'm safe. No one is going to hurt me, she wouldn't let them. "I love you." I say firmly, reaching up to wipe the tears off my face. "Always and forever."

 

[Memster101]

(( Yeah Is you're dad around or...? And I tried to give myself a tattoo >> ))


I continued to murmur soothing words to Mir as her attack continued, gently rubbing her back and smoothing her hair until it was over. I relaxed greatly when it was and listened to her speak, nodding some in reply. What had she been doing when she got those during school? Run and hide in the bathroom or simply leave the campus? Would she be able to text me and have me come get her if she started to have one? I could feel my nerves buzzing at all of my worries and swallowed a few times, trying to prevent myself from having my own little mini episode. I managed to hold it together well enough that Mir wouldn't be able to tell beyond my normal worries, or at least ones that were now normal, by the time she pulled back.


"I love you too," I murmured, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her forehead. Once I was sure she was going to be more or less stable, I stood and helped her up. "What do you want for breakfast?" I glanced over at her before making my way over back to my window. Pulling it open, I leaned out a little to grab the pack of cigarettes that still lay there, frowning a little when I looked inside it. There was only about half a pack, if that even, left. A little sigh left me before I smoothed it into my back pocket, along with my lighter, and closed the window. I pursed my lips in momentary thought as I looked around my room, taking a moment to locate a pair of socks and my too-big converse.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Nah, but don't worry. It's a good thing. x3


!?!?!?Why would you do that? ;w; That's dangerous, dear..))


I stand with Teag's help and frown as I watch her retrieving her cigarette pack and lighter. "I don't want anything.." I say softly, walking up behind her and easily pulling the pack from her pocket, pulling out one of the sticks and putting the filtered in between my lips. I then reach again and grab the lighter, walking over to her window and lighting it up. I remember how she puffs on it to get it to catch fire and do the same, resulting in me pulling it from my mouth to cough horribly. I've never smoked before... Never even been around Teag when she smoked, since I've got a very acute case of asthma and she never wanted to take the risk of me having an attack.


But right now, I don't care. She needs to realize that what she does effects me, just as much as what I do effects her... If she's going to smoke, I will too. All the effects it has on her that I have to watch she'll have to watch from me as well. Once the short coughing fit is over, i put it back between my lips and take a long breath in, my face going red as I hold it before once more coughing it out, shaking a bit again as I hold onto the short railing for balance. "Shit, Teag..." I mutter, looking back at her in disbelief when I'm through coughing. "How? Why?" But without waiting for an answer, I pull in another breath on the horrid thing. God this is horrible...

 

[Memster101]

(( Okie :3 Annnddd my depression has been really horrid today and I figured this might be a little more...what's the word..productive than my usual habits? It didn't turn out too well D: No surprise there. I might try and go over it again tomorrow and see if I can't fix it some. Worse comes to worse I can go to my tattoo shop and get them to make it look nice or see if they can't like...just put a skin colored square over they area >> ))


My eyes went wide when she plucked the pack from my pocket, at first thinking she was just confiscating it. Which honestly would have annoyed me, but not enough to ride her for, especially considering what we had to do today. Needless to say I was even more surprised when she stuck one of the sticks between her lips and lit it up. Had it been anyone else, the awkward fumbling would have thrown me into a laughing fit, but to see my Mir with something so dangerous between her lips...Without much thought, I grabbed her arm, plucking the cigarette from her hand. "No. I am not having you having a full blown asthma attack when you don't have your inhaler with you."


Most of the time we were smart and she kept her spare inhaler here, but that one had run out not too long ago and we hadn't had the chance to refill it. "Fuck that shit." I shook my head in slight annoyance, not sure though if it was towards Mir or myself. I knew she was only trying to teach me a lesson, but I wasn't imminently risking my life by smoking them. Licking my forefinger and thumb, I took a quick drag before snuffing the end out. Raising a brow at her with one hand on my hip, the other held out expectantly. "Are you going to give that back or am I going to have to wrestle it from you?" I asked.

 

[Zotohxan]

((I'm sorry, dear :/ I do hope they can fix it up for you, or that you can.. But it'd probably be best to go to the shop for that. <w< ))


I place the back in my own back pocket, shaking my head at Teag. "If you're going to smoke, I'm going to smoke. Simple as that." I shrug, moving to walk past her and toward the door. "Now, let's go make breakfast then head to school." I can feel my lungs still stinging... Had I taken even one more drag I have no doubt I'd have had an asthma attack, but still, I think it'd be worth it.. maybe it'd actually teach Teag not to smoke? Nah.. I doubt it'd do that since she doesn't have asthma too, but.. Still...


I start down the stairs, wincing as I catch a wiff of the slight smokey smell on my clothes and breath. I got used to the smell on Teag... She made it bearable. Otherwise? It's absolutely disgusting; I honestly just can't stand it... I stop at the bottom, leaning back against the wall but being sure not to crush the pack as I wait for Teag. I know I'm going to get chewed out... I can just about guarantee she's not happy with me at all right now, but who cares. I'll do whatever it takes to teach her her lesson.

 

[Memster101]

(( Yeahh. stupid little wavy Aquarius sign >< Oh welp. It's not in a super visible place anyways. It'll be no big deal to fix. Hopefully I'll be getting my SK tattoo this upcoming month! ))


I gritted my teeth some as Mir walked away, knowing that now was not the time to get on her case about anything. After getting a mild hold of myself I followed down after her, glad she had stopped so I didn't have to chase after her or anything. "God dammit, Mir," I muttered as I gently shoved her against the wall. I gripped both of her wrists, careful of the one with cut on it, with one of my hands and held them to my chest while my free one wormed behind her and snatched the pack back from her. "You are not smoking. I don't care about whatever little lesson you're trying to teach me, okay? You think about how you felt when you saw me dangling from the roof this morning and you'll know how I feel."


Letting go of her wrists, I shoved the back down into the side of my sports bra, figuring that was the most protected area I could keep it from her. Unfortunately, her being my girlfriend, there were really no boundaries when it came to hiding things. "You might as well be holding a loaded gun to your head." My gaze softened as I looked at her, hating that I was having to be so mean to her. "Grab whatever you want from the fridge...I'm going to go warm the car,..." Running a hand through my hair, I picked up my bag and grabbed my keys from the little bench beside the door. I exited the house quietly and hurried into the car.


The keys slid into the ignition, I listened to the engine turn over a few times before finally catching. I turned the heaters on full blast and leaned back in the seat, pressing the heels of my hands against my eyes. I was starting to get an awful headache. Probably a mix from the more or less sleepless night, the stress of the past day, still not have really eating, and the frustration I felt both at myself and Mir. Why couldn't she respect that this was what I had to do? At least it was cigarettes and not cutting again. Pot honestly would have been less harmful but a lot more illegal. I groaned loudly to myself before punching the steering wheel, wincing as the horn blared in the morning air. Shaking my hand slightly, I focused on that pain instead of the one building up in my head.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, I'm Gemini.. Believe me, I know the annoying pain zodiac can bring. *w* And that's good -w-


But wicked! Good luck with getting it! OwO))


I feel my eyes tear up when Teag walks away from me, as I'd managed to keep my expression blank while she was talking to me. I get that it's what she needs right now... But god I hate it. I was good enough to help her through things before, but not anymore... She went to Jess. I know it's my fault-I know that. But it doesn't make it hurt any less.


I head to the kitchen, grabbing two bagels and toasting them before smothering them in cream cheese and walking out to the car, forcing my tears to stop though I knew my face would still be red. After getting into the car I hand one to Teag wordlessly, unable to even look at her for fear of breaking down again as I buckle up. "I'm ready when you are.." I say softly, cursing myself as my words come out in a fragile tone, showing that I'd been crying. I don't want her to know.. To feel bad about it, as I know she will. I brought all this upon myself.. I have no right to be so upset. I'll just.. Stop talking, at least until we get to school. Hopefully I'll be calm again by then.

 

[Memster101]

(( Why does everyone hate Geminis??? It confused me so much >< Most of the ones I know seem like nice people? And I know! I'm so excited :3 ))


A sigh escaped my lips when I saw Mir's red face and heard the breaking of her voice. God, what a shit person I was, to make my girlfriend,whom had just been raped, cry. I set the bagel on my lap, thinking that maybe I'd try and nibble on it, but most likely not. I adjusted the vent towards her and turned the music up, not really wanting to try and talk right now. More than likely it would turn into us arguing and who knew what would happen then? After making sure she had buckled up, I pulled out of the drive way and started the short drive to school.


I tried to keep my thoughts from drifting as we drove,not wanting to endanger us unnecessarily, lightly tapping my fingers against the wheel along to the drums or beat of the song. I still felt so light headed and it was getting harder for me to focus. Hopefully I'd be able to drive us to the police station fine. Thankfully we made it there safe and I found a parking spot without too much issue. Sighing to myself, I killed the engine and stepped out of the car, shutting my eyes tight as my world spun. Fortunately, Mir seemed preoccupied in her own thoughts and missed this. I grabbed my book bag out of the back seat and waited until Mir got of the car to lock it, staring at my feet to try and keep myself steady.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Ugh, THANK YOU x'D Thankfully I've only encountered one person in real life who is against Geminis('There's actually people that avid in real life!?' Yes. At least one.) and he was obnoxious af x3


And of course~))


The whole ride to school I didn't even touch the bagel.. I know I should've, to keep my strength up at least... But I just couldn't. My mind kept running with all the possibilities of how Teag could break up with me if she wanted, I mean.. I've never fought this much. Maybe when I first tried getting her to wean off the cutting, drugs, alcohol, and sex, but... That was understandable. There were so many things she'd counted on to keep her alive for so long, even if they were life threatening... But now there's only one I'm trying to get her away from, and she's gotten angry with me for it twice now... Or more that I just haven't seen, and... What does that mean for us? Especially since I caused her to get back into smoking again anyway.. If I hadn't been so stupid, if I hadn't ignored her for that week, all would be fine. We'd still be happy. She wouldn't have gone back to Jess, and I wouldn't have images of them fucking going through my head constantly.


I jolt back to reality when Teag shuts off the car at school. I notice that I've still got tears welled up in my eyes and try to push them down ,but. To no avail.. Especially when I notice that Teag isn't even looking at me. I quickly get out of the car, deciding to try and get away from her before the tears fall, and immediately start walking toward the front doors. "I'll text you later..." I call over my shoulder, but with how broken my voice sounded, I got way more attention than I'd meant to. Of course that only serves to make me more nervous as I push through the doors and practically run toward the girl's bathroom, hoping it'd be empty so I could just break down.


Thankfully it is. But unthankfully, right after I go in, Mark Larson and three of his friends pile in. I don't realize it as I'm already on the floor with my face in my hands, but I do when I hear the lock clicking. My head snaps up and my eyes go wide in fear as one of his friends, Daniel Cross, walks toward me and kneels down. He's the captain of the wrestling team, and certainly not a friendly guy. "Well, well." He says, reaching out and trying to wipe away my tears though I quickly pull away from him. "Why's a pretty girl like you in here crying all alone, huh?" he asks, his hand moving to rest on my shoulder. Again I pull away from his touch, my heart starting to race rapidly from fear. I'm terrified... Guys don't just follow girls into the bathroom to ask to borrow some lip gloss... Especially not when they lock the door.


Unluckily for me, my pulling away just made him upset. So he moves to instead grab my waist, his fingers pushing hard against my skin, making me whimper. "Get.. Away.." I breathe, begging the lump in my throat to go away. Even more tears were falling down my face by this point, but he took my ragged breath as a sign I was 'into' what he was doing. So he just started running his hands up and down my waist, lingering a bit too long, a bit too far. I know I'm too weak to do anything... I'm too far into this breakdown to scream, if I pull out my phone they'll just take it away, or break it. So, I just do like the man forced me to last week. I stay quiet. I close my eyes, pull my lips between my teeth to keep my whimpers in, and just let him do whatever he pleases. I haven't got a chance...

 

[Memster101]

(( One of my managers is actually a Gemini and she can rub you the wrong way, but I think that's just her as a person. Like how the signs can have the base of like...certain traits but vary from person to person? But yeah >< I'm like a total Aquarius. It's awful xD Except for the whole like, going out of my way to help the world bit. I tend to keep to myself and just care to probably an annoying extent to my friends/family. >>))


My heart clenched in my chest when I saw Mir walk away with out much of a good bye and I felt that familiar, annoying prick in my eyes. Angrily, I rubbed at them, keeping my head down as I followed her into the building, but didn't make an attempt to catch up. I was too light headed and angry with myself to do so. My thoughts ventured to the bagel that I had left uneaten in the car and my stomach let out a furious grumble. Wincing, I wrapped my arms around my midsection to try and muffle the sound. It wasn't like that anyone could hear it with the noise of the students through out the halls, but it was a natural reaction for me.


My eyes followed Mir's form through the crowd as she headed quickly into the bathroom and I could already feel myself itching for a cigarette. Maybe I would skip my first period, it was only art class....Nothing I couldn't catch up on my own. My thoughts skidded to a stop when I saw Mark, Daniel, and one of their mutual friends trailing after Mir into the bathroom. Fuck... This was not happening. Glancing around, I noticed that one one else seemed to be paying much attention. My heart started to race as I hurried to the bathroom, brushing my hand against the door. God dammit... it was locked.


No, no, no, no, no....This was NOT fucking happening! My entire body started to shake and I pressed my ear to the door, freezing as I heard the coversation of the guys. God dammit, Miranda, SCREAM! I begged silently. A sudden thought accorded to me and I dropped my bag, diving into it. While it was extremely, extremely illegal, I always kept a pocket knife in my bag. Sliding my sleeve over my hand, I reached in and grabbed it, letting it hide within the sleeve. Another glance around and I flicked the knife open and started to quickly and skillfully pick the lock with the tip. My hands were almost shaking to bad for me to do so. Much to my satisfaction I heard a click.


Twisting the handle to the door, I shoved it open and shut it behind me. "Get. The. FUCK. Away. From. Her," I growled, my voice taking on the familiar steely quality from the other day. I gritted my teeth, thankful that the adrenaline rush was kicking in. I wasn't sure that I would have been conscious if it wasn't. I clenched at the knife under my sleeve, eyes narrowed with rage. "Get away from her now, if you know what's good for you...."

 

[Zotohxan]

((I've definitely got the normal anxiety of a gemini(if not a bit more x3) and I take on a lot of tasks, overwhelming myself a lot.. But most Gemini are 'supposed' to be super social and outspoken, witty, etc. But I'm too effing shy for that But I'm the same with my family/friends. I don't know why they put up with me sometimes. ))


I had my eyes closed tight, Daniel's hands were now going under the shirt I was wearing, his hands just touching my chest when their friend, someone I didn't really recognize, walks over and rests his hand on my leg. Tears were still pouring down my face and my body was trembling horribly. I wanted to scream, but still.. I was unable. I hear Mark walk over and suddenly feel a tongue going across my lips, making me whimper again. "C'mon, sexy girl. Open up." I can feel myself getting light headed as the friend's grip tightens on my thigh, no doubt leaving a bruise. Daniel's hand on my chest does the same and I let out a gasp of pain, prompting Mark to stick his tongue into my mouth.


However, they all pull away rather abruptly when I hear the door open then shut. I assume it's one of their friends again, so I don't move or say anything. That is, until I hear Teag's voice. My beautiful, wonderful Teag. My angel. My eyes open and even more tears fall when I see her, but I'm still unable to move. I can feel myself wheezing. Great... I'm having an asthma attack along with a panic attack, that's just wonderful. Black dots start dancing around my vision and within seconds I'm surrounded in darkness.


Mark stands, sneering at Teagan. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, dyke?" Without waiting for her answer he grins, starting to walk toward her. "You wanna join in on the fun? Did you see your little girlfriend? She was practically begging for us." he licks his lips, reaching out to grab Teag's arm.