Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Memster101]

(( It's all good. I'm super bipolar with my hair so it's my own fault xD Like its just long enough I can put it in a little half-assed bun but I have like emo bangs and a rainbow rattail >> I really want to go silver and I think it's light enough to the point where I can do it, I just have to wait for my roots to grow in some. What's your hair like?? and yeah, it took me awhile to learn the lingo >>))


I was fairly happy when Mir didn't push my hand away, always a little worried she'd find my excessive touching annoying. I suppose the same thing could be said about her though along with my confusion to why she felt the way she did. But I was happy with what I got and that certainly was enough for me. I followed suit with her little narrations, rather enjoying myself. With most people, constant comments during movies tended to annoy me, but with Mir I didn't mind. It was just another excuse to hear her laugh or be silly. Throughout the duration of the movie, we continually shifted into a deeper snuggle and by the time Mir made her comment about heading to sleep, one of her legs was lightly draped across my own and she was semi on top of me.


"Mmm... Goodnight then, love," I replied, kissing the top of her head as she hid her face in my chest. I turned the volume down some for her so it was easier for her to fall asleep, but loud enough for me to still hear. Only if I was exceptionally tired or had been having a rough day did I fall asleep before Mir. I just liked making sure she was sleeping soundly before committing myself to sleep. I knew she found it a little strange but I didn't think much of it. It was just one of my many little quirks.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Nice! owo


And mine is annoying af x3.. I got kinda extensive and basically cut it all off, so now I've got kinda 'emo' bangs and it doesn't even reach my shoulders. x'D I'll be dying it red soon, but right now it's just a kinda brown with some darker highlights.


Sorry for shitty reply ;w; I've had this massive headache all day and now that I'm getting tired it's just kinda taunting the hell out of me. xD ))


I smile again up at my love, then settle against her and close my eyes. I know she wouldn't be falling asleep until after I do, and I know she's quite tired tonight, so I try to make myself fall asleep fairly fast. I don't know why exactly she always waits for me to fall asleep before she does, but I kinda like it.. It makes me feel protected and loved, though.. I would be fine if she didn't. It really wouldn't bother me if she got more sleep. But it's not what my Teag wants to do, so she doesn't have to.

 

[Memster101]

(( Awe ^^ Yeah, mine just brushes my shoulders right now. It's thick af and so annoying >< And I'm sorry to hear that! Have you taken some medicine for it?))


I smiled softly down at the top of her head as she slowly dozed off, finding myself grow more tired as she fell deeper into sleep. Eventually I gave up trying to finish the movie, knowing there would be another time to do so. Relocating the remote, I blinked the TV off and successfully tossed it back onto my dresser where it had been before. Thankfully it didn't make too much noise and Mir continued to sleep soundlessly for now. Now that I was settling down for bed, I drew her closer to me, pressing my face into her hair to breath in her comforting scent.


I really hoped she didn't have any night terrors, knowing that it would probably wake my parents depending on how violent they were. And while they would probably only text me to see if everything was okay, I didn't want Mir to feel any more embarrassed than she probably would have if the situation did occur. My mind idly bounced from thought to thought for a short bit, once again stressing about the idea of her being pregnant and what we'd do if it did happen. A frown touched my lips and I forced myself to forget those thoughts for the moment, drifting quickly off into sleep.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Oh I know your pain 'w' Thick hair sucks... Last time I got mine cut I had the woman thin it, and two weeks later it was right back to the way it was before and I just... It's not fair. x3


And nah, I'll go to bed in a bit and all will be well~ This just happens sometimes. ))


I'm able to sleep well for a few hours, but something I hadn't thought about.. For the past week, my nights have been filled with horrid nightmares. Nothing like a full on night terror since the first night, but.. They're still not good. My dream of Teag and I at a beach slowly begins morphing into a dark scene, heavy storm clouds rolling in and the waves crashing violently. Teag was screaming at me to get out of the water, but I just couldn't.. It was as if something were holding me there. Or someone. Without warning I'm yanked under. I try screaming, desperately thrashing to get away from the hands which hold me, pushing me against a rock which feels suspiciously like the cold flooring in the man's van. I whip my head from side to side, realizing I wouldn't be able to hold my breath for much longer. And when his eyes suddenly appear in my vision, I let out a scream, allowing the violent waters to fill my lungs, though.. It feels much thicker than water, and when I look down in my distress I realize it's a more whitish colour. I continue to try screaming, only to have my throat feel blocked, my entire body frozen in fear and pain. Before long my lungs fill up completely with the suspicious liquid, and everything goes black.


I wake up, gasping desperately for breath. Still somewhat lost in my half-conscious dream state, I start freaking out when I realize I'm in a bed with someone, and their arms are around me. It feels so heavy. I whimper in fear, quickly pushing myself away from them and trying to back up, only to end up falling off the bed, making me gasp in pain. Tears were mercilessly pouring down my face and my body is shaking, I don't even know how to react... The room I'm in is dark, only illuminated numbers from a clock tell me it's one in the morning. That makes it even scarier... In my panic I can't think clearly about where I'd spent my night, and it's dark enough I can't really look around to see anything familiar.


As I continue trying to back away I stretch my legs wrong, making pain spear up and through my spine, causing me to cry out and just fall backward against the floor. My breathing is heavy, my heartbeats erratic, and my mind hazy. I can tell that I'm starting to hyperventilate, but I don't really care... i don't have the mindset to care right now. It crosses my mind that I'm having a panic attack, something I've apparently become incredibly accustomed to falling victim to since last week. I just want Teag... I know she could help me, but I don't even know where she is... But I want her... I slowly curl myself up in a ball on the floor, covering my bare body to anyone who may see me. I continue whimpering both in fear and pain as I tremble on the floor, silently begging for my love to come save me.

 

[Memster101]

((I know! My hair is like never long in the winter though when I need to be so I can be warm xD And that's probably smart! Sleep usually helps with things like that >> ))


I shifted in my sleep as I feel Mir start to move around, frowning slightly. I was a fairly light sleeper, maybe that being one of the reasons I had Mir fall asleep before me, so it didn't take much to wake me. I yawned widely and pulled Mir closer to me, missing the warmth her body gave me. Unfortunately, I was very prone to getting cold easy, and being naked made this factor ten times worse. A slightly grumpy frown reached my lips as I felt her pull away again, wishing she'd just let me snuggle her. God I was freezing. I heard her whimper slightly and blinked in the darkness, use to her sleep sounds but not to the trembling I felt.


Without much warning Mir had suddenly sat up and scooted away from me and I sat up in the darkness, wondering what on earth she was doing. A thud sounded in the room as well as a cry of pain from Mir and I crawled to the edge of the bed, nearly falling off after her. "Mir? Baby?"I asked softly. I could hear her scooting away on the floor as well as a worrying quickness of breath. Quickly I got out of the bed, realizing Mir was having a panic attack. I blindly reached around for her in the darkness, kneeling down next to her when I felt her.


"Shh.. Mir, you're okay," I whispered to her gently, guiding my hands along her arms before finding her hands to pull her to me. "I'm here. You're safe with me..." I pulled her into my lap some, just holding her close with her head set against my chest. "Just listen to the sound of my breathing." I focused my breathing to be slow and steady, a little louder than normal so that she could hear it better. "I've got you...No one is ever going to hurt you again."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yes! You feel my pain! xD


<w< Yehh.. I should probably go soon, but I'm not crazy tired, so i wouldn't be able to sleep no matter how hard I try.. *Sigh*))


When I first heard Teag's voice it was still tired-sounding, and I didn't recognize it.. Just making me freak out more. And when I felt hands on my I held back a scream, settling instead for just trying to pull away and whimpering some more. However, when a moment later she speaks again and is trying to calm me, I recognize her voice and tears start pouring so much more from my eyes. "Teag!" I shout, the previous night finally starting to come back to my mind. Slowly I wrap my arms around her, before holding myself impossibly close, my head against her chest to hear her heart beat in hopes to calm myself down.


"I'm sorry..." I say after a few minutes, once I was starting to calm. My lungs hurt from the effort of my hyperventilating, my body was still stinging with pain, my eyes burn, but I don't care... I'm in my Teag's arms, she's holding me, I'm safe. It was just a dream... "Teag.." I whimper, realizing that even though I don't want to do what I'm about to say, I know I have to. "I.. I have to go.. To the cops, and.." I sniffle, "I don't want to go alone, I-I can't.." I bite my bottom lip, still trembling slightly. I would've pulled back to look her in the eye while I ask my next question, but it's dark enough I wouldn't be able to see her anyway... "Would you.. Go with me..? I-I understand if you don't want to... I just.. I had to ask..."

 

[Memster101]

((Yay mutual pain feels! xD It's honestly the worst. And I know when I finally get my hair long again I'm just going to wear it up all the time cause it's hot xDD Ughhh. I would rather have thick hair than thin hair in all honestly. Awe Maybe try and play some soft music or something??))


I waited for her to calm down, just gently brushing at her hair or rubbing at her back in alternating fashions. I hated that she had been so scared and that she could have possibly mistaken me for him, or even a random stranger when I had first come to her. Thankfully she was calming down now and was relieved to hear her mention going to the cops. That took one care of one of our problems. My head started to pound with the reality of all that this week, or following weeks might entail. Taking in a slower breath, I pushed the thoughts away once more, trying to just focus on the present.


"Of course I'll go with you..." I murmured softly, scanning the darkness for any sign of her face. Obviously there wasn't going to be much luck of me finding it so I settled for gently cupping her cheek. After a moment or two, I hesitantly asked, "We'll go tomorrow?" I knew we had to go soon if there would be any chance of a rape kit coming up with any useful information, but I didn't want to stress her more than she already seemingly was..

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah.. Same here.. x3 It's strange.. My while life my hair was no shorter than maybe my armpits, then earlier this year I decided, "Screw it!" and chopped it to about my shoulders, and decided maybe two months ago that it wasn't good enough,and just cut it to the nape of my neck. Works well for summer,but I'm not anticipating winter with open arms ;w;


And nuhh, it's more like an insomnia thing with me.. I can lay down all I like, and get right to the edge, but I can't actually fall asleep unless I'm horribly tired, or taking some sort of medicine that makes me sleep.. I normally take benedryl ,but that's a lot of medicine to shove into my body on a regular basis, so I normally only do it now when I work in the morning, so I can get some decent sleep... Speaking of which.. Shit. I actually work in the morning... >.> So, I'll be taking that medicine, and asleep within the hour. x'D))


I let out a sigh of relief when Teag agrees to come with me, and my trembling starts easing up. Even when she offers that we'd go tomorrow I don't start freaking out bad, which honestly kinda shocks me..But I'm glad for it. "Y-Yeah.." I swallow hard. I don't want to do this... I really, really don't, but.. I don't really have much of a choice. I really don't know what they'll do, say, or ask, but.. Just the idea of having to go in depth and tell what that man did to me, I'm not looking forward to it.


"Um.. In the morning, should we tell your parents where we'll be after school, then..?" My voice shakes a bit. Not even my own parents know the truth.. I think I trust Teag's parents a bit more, because they don't start screaming when it comes to us being both girls and in a relationship, but.. Again, I'm just nervous about telling anyone.. But I don't want them to become worried when Teag comes home late from school, especially if the police were to call them to inform of where we were..? That... I can imagine that wouldn't turn out well. Then again, it won't turn out well for my own parents being informed either, but I'd rather the police do it than me.. I really don't have the guts.

 

[Memster101]

(( Yeah xD I had hair down to my shoulders for a long while and then grew it out to about my chest, then chopped it clear the fuck off, grew it out even longer, chopped it really short again, like early Justin Bieber, maintained it like that but kinda shaggy, then grew it out a little, chopped it even shorter, again accidentally like new JB, and now I'm trying to grow it out again ><


And I hope you got some sleep! I obviously passed out very unexpectedly last night >> Also, I hope work is going okay ))


I relaxed considerably when she agreed, bringing her face close to mine so I could kiss her forehead. "It'll be okay. I promise I'll be there every step of the way." A sigh escaped me at the thought of mentioning it to my parents, really not wanting to. It was such a hassle to involve them, they just stressed endlessly and eventually blew up and shut down after it all became too much for them. "Maybe once it's all blown over," I suggested, moving my hand to tangle in her hair gently. It wasn't like they'd freak out if I took awhile to get home. They'd probably just assume I was getting into my usual mischief.


After a moment or two I stood, starting to shiver from the coolness of the room. "Let's get back into bed?" It wasn't really a question, more of a statement. I could have found my shirt from earlier and pulled that on, but that would have required turning lights on and dealing with seeing myself naked and ugh. I gave her hand a little tug, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed while my free hand searched aimlessly for a pair of blankets for us. Once they were found, I wrapped one of them around me and brushed the fabric against Mir's arm for her to take it.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Oh wow x3 Well, I wish you luck on your hair endeavours!


I did -w- Not very much, but enough! And ugh, work was miserable xD We had an evaluation today, so it was stressful as hell. >w>


You had your exam today, right? How'd that go? o: (Unless I have the wrong day, in which case feel free to ignore this. x3)))


I smile softly, easily following Teag to the bed and sitting next to her. I feel the fabric and flinch for a moment before reminding myself it's just Teag, and she wouldn't hurt me. So I take the fabric, realizing it's a blanket, and wrap it around myself as well before reaching over and pushing Teag gently to lay down. I giggle softly and hold her close. "I love you, Teagan." I say softly, wanting her to never forget that one truth. If all else escapes her mind, I want her always to remember just how much I love her.


Sleep takes me quickly this time.. The panic I'd just gone through along with the tiredness I already felt just sort of gang up against me. I don't even have time to listen for my girlfriend's reply before my eyes are too heavy to open and even her heart beat sounds like it's coming through a tunnel.

 

[Memster101]

((Thanks xD And awe! That's no good At least you're home now and you can destress some?? And it was yesterday >> It went....okay? I think I find my grade on it tomorrow. I didn't know how to do a little bit of it but yeah >< I think I maybe got a B, maybe??))


I blinked in mild surprise when Mir pushed me down but wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. "I love you too," I murmured softly, even though I knew she was already on her way fast to sleep. Unfortunately for me now though, I was too anxious to sleep and my nerves were humming. Being awoken by Mir crying out and listening to her panic like that had scared the shit out of me. What was going to happen when I wasn't there to calm her down? I could feel my breath starting to quicken and I slid a hand over my mouth to quiet the sound. I laid like that for what seemed like an endless amount of time before I was finally able to get somewhat of a grip on myself.


By then, Mir had fallen into a deep enough sleep that I could gently untangle myself from her and get out of the bed. Wrapping the blanket around myself like a dress, I silently made my way over to my dresser and opened the top drawer, feeling among the socks. A sigh of relief escaped me when I found the small package along with one of my numerous lighters. Glancing over in the direction of Mir, I listened for a few moments to make sure she was still sleeping. By now it was roughly four in the morning and my alarm for school wouldn't go off until five thirty. Thankfully it would give me time to think and gather myself.


I slipped over to my window and opened it up as quietly as possible, stepping out of it and onto the little slice of roof under it then shut the door behind me. Absently I shifted a small space in the snow for me to sit and sat when it was cleared, drawing my knees to my chest as I shivered. I opened up the pack, pulling out a cigarette. It wasn't pot, but it'd have to do. I lit the cigarette with ease and took a drag, staring out at the snowy night as my thoughts swirled.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yess ^-^


And ugh, I'm sorry.. I would've wished you luck yesterday had I gotten my days right. ;w; Well, I do hope you've made a good grade!))


Occasionally through my sleep I let out small whimpers or whines, noises which show my ever growing dissatisfaction with the nightmares which plague my mind. But I don't wake up again, thankfully managing to sleep. It really must be that I'd fallen asleep to feeling Teag's arms around me, her calming scent surrounding me, reminding me that I'm safe. God, I love her for that... And so much more of course, but.. The fact she can make me feel safe after everything I've been through? Yeah... That's certainly a reason to love the girl.


((Also, sorry.. I couldn't really figure out what else to write /-\))

 

[Memster101]

((I do too >< I'm so anal about my grades.... It's really bad haha. And you're fine, I wouldn't have either xD Also, I might disappear for a sec. I'm going to try and work out..Try being the operative word xD ))


Apparently I had gotten so lost in thought, and truthfully numbed the cold, I failed to notice the time until I heard my alarm blaring from inside. I frowned to myself, snubbing out the cigarette I had been working on, knowing that Mir wouldn't be too happy to know I'd picked it up again. There wasn't enough time to spray any perfume on or anything to hide the smell of smoke, so I was pretty shit out of luck. Giving my toes an experimental wiggle, I waited a few moments before attempting to stand.I promptly regretted that decision. My bones cried out from sitting so still for so long and my joints felt like there were knives stabbing in them from being out in the cold. On top of that, I was met with an all too familiar bout of dizziness.


"Shit!" I said, not quite a shout but loud enough to be heard through the window as my vision clouded black. My legs promptly gave out and I collapsed against the roof. Another colorful string of words left my mouth as I slid blindly down the roof more and grabbed at the shingling. I just managed to catch myself as one of my legs slid off into the air, the other finding a foothold in the rain gutter. "Fucking shit damn, stupid shit head, god dammit," I muttered as laid there, trembling lightly in the snow as my vision started to clear.

 

[Zotohxan]

((I'm the same way.. I remember when I got one of my first C's on a report card, I literally sobbed for hours... My sister was a straight A student all through high school, so I felt like shit when I couldn't be like her. x'D


Heh, I understand. GOOD LUCK WITH THE WORKING OUT! X3))


I jolt awake to the sound of a blaring alarm. I shout out in fear, trembling for a moment before realizing where I am, and what the noise is. I promptly shut off the alarm and look around, fear suddenly overtaking me once more as I realize Teag isn't around me... Then I hear her voice saying some.. Rather colourful words. I run toward the window, my eyes going wide as I look up and see Teag practically falling off the roof. "Teagan!?" I shout, my voice high and shrill in fear. "What're you.. I.. How.. Do I get you down?!"


I'm panicking... I don't want my girlfriend to fall and die. But.. I don't know what to do. I've never had to save anyone from falling off the roof above me before? I mean.. That's not just a normal occurance in anyone's life, is it? Or am I just stupid for not knowing what to do? Oh god... What the hell do I do here?! "Should.. I go get your parents? No.. I'm not going to leave you..." I whimper, biting my bottom lip, truly clueless.

 

[Memster101]

(( For real xD The high school I went to didn't have ninth graders so I didn't buckle down with my grades super crazy until then and all but the first quarter of my 10th grade year ( a fucking A- O^O) I got straight As. Didn't mean I didn't pay the price for being so crazy about my grades though >< And I'm alive. Barely xD ))


I started when I heard Mir's voice, instantly feeling guilty at the distress that lined it. God I was so stupid. I should have just scooted my way back in. Swallowing, I got a hold of myself and turned to comfort Mir. "I'm okay...Just stay there, alright? I don't want you to slip and hurt yourself," I told her, wincing as the rough surface of the shingles bit into my skin. Pushing off on the rain gutter, I tried to bring my other leg back onto the roof. Of course, I didn't realize how loose the gutters were attached to the house and it broke away from the house.


A little scream left me as I fell off the roof more, just barely catching the edge by digging my nails into it. "U-Uhm...Just..." I sighed angrily with myself, giving a little grunt as I tried to pull myself back up with little success. "Do you think you can catch me without hurting yourself?" I called down, suddenly grateful that the blanket was pinned between me and the house and I wasn't flashing the world. Another little squeal left me as my grip slipped some and I flailed my legs in panic, the broken piece of gutter digging into my side. Fuck. Ow. Fuck. Why am I so stupid??

 

[Zotohxan]

((Well good, because I think you're a pretty rad person so I'm glad you're alive. o; ))


I nod my head vigorously, though Teag can't see it. I hold my arms out, already bracing myself as I know this won't exactly be a smooth or gentle landing. "Just let go, Teag. I'll catch you!" I promise. I don't really care what happens at this point to me, but I will catch her. It's then however that it hits me I'm completely naked here... But I still don't care. Whoever sees me, sees me. All that matters at this moment is Teagan, and getting her back in the house, safe and sound.


((I'm terrible at RPing tonight.. I'm sorry ;-; ))

 

[Memster101]

(( Awe, shucks ^^* Well thanks I think you're pretty slick yourself! And you're fine, we all have our off days!))


I managed to glance down at Mir, trying to judge the distance. My heart leaped into my throat when I saw how far away she seemed. In all reality it was probably only a fifteen or so foot drop, but it was terrifying, especially when you realize your girlfriend is standing outside in the first weeks of January, naked. I swallowed and braced myself for whatever impact would come, glad there was at least a good bit of snow to cushion our fall. "Okay, I'm letting go..." I called down after a moment and pushed myself away from the ledge so there was less of a chance of me hitting something on my way down.


What seemed like an enternity later I crashed into Mir, knocking both of us onto the ground, me sprawled across her. The impact had left me breathless and I sat there for a few seconds gasping helplessly while my lungs tried to figure out how to work again. "A-A-Are you o-okay?" I breathed out, unable to prompt myself to move yet despite the freezing snow.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Haha, thank you x3 And thanks ;w;


Also.. Apparently I have my diploma? xD My Mom just gave it to me, though she's had it for about two weeks now. So, whoot, I'm graduated fully! x3))


When Teag fell my heart raced with fear; what if I didn't catch her!? No... I will, I have to. And I do. My breath is pushed out of my lungs, my heart stops completely in worry, my entire body freezes instantly from the cold, but I caught her. And that's all that matters. When I hear her ask if I'm okay, I reach my arms up and gently wrap them around her figure, enough so she can tell just how concerned I am, but not enough to hurt her. "I'm fine..."


I swallow hard, moving to run my hand through her hair. "Are you? Babe.. What were you even doing up there?" I have tears in my eyes at this point. The panicked worry has taken it's leave, and in its place is my emotional worry. The salty water starts pouring down my cheeks as I tighten my hold on her just a bit, making no move to get us out of the snow.. That's the last thing on my mind at the moment, to be honest. "God I was so scared... Please tell me you're okay, Teag... I don't know what I'd have done without you, holy shit.." I was kinda ranting, but didn't really do anything to make myself stop.. I knew I had to get this out. "You're so stupid.. Don't go up there in the snow, and.. I love you so much, Don't do that again... Even not in the snow, unless I'm with you or there's a ladder or something... I don't want you hurting yourself, Teag. I really don't want you hurt, just.. What were you doing up there in the first place?!" I wasn't actually angry with her, at all.. I'm just worried beyond belief, and don't really know how to handle it..

 

[Memster101]

((Wewt! Go you! Now you can officially start college! xD ))


After I managed to catch my breath once again, I quickly pulled Mir out of the snow and onto my lap so she was out of the snow. I unwrapped the blanket some from around me and pulled her in it, more to cover her up than to warm her, the thing was soaked. I winced as she started to sort of yell at me, but I knew it was more out of fear and concern than anger. And it wasn't like I didn't deserve to be yelled at. It had been careless and stupid on my behalf. If I had been a normal person, I would have just walked down stairs and sat on the porch, but no, I had to be me.


"I-I'm okay," I murmured, my teeth starting to chatter mildly. I hid my face into her shoulder as she continued to rave though, hating that I had upset her so."I'm sorry... I couldn't sleep so I went and had a smoke..." I pulled her tighter to me, my face nuzzling lower into her chest. "I'm so sorry I scared you...It was stupid.... I just wanted to be near in case you had another panic attack." A little whine escaped my throat as I pulled her closer to me, wishing she would calm down and trying to warm my frozen nose as well.


I honestly had no idea why she put up with my antics. This wasn't the first time, and probably not the last, that I had done something and nearly gotten myself killed or injured. Of course, it had been a lot worse when my depression was in its climax, but I still tended to do pretty stupid shit. I guess I just loved that rush of feeling alive, not that Mir didn't give that to me, but it was a different type. There had been times when I swore Mir would have slapped me, like the time I thought it was smart to go cliff jumping at a local lake, knowing very well I wasn't the strongest of swimmers. This situation wasn't actually one of those thrill seeking moments, but I'm sure that's what her mind instantly went to.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Haha, yes! ..After i find some way to get the money for it. owo))


Once I'm finally through with my ranting on Teag, I stand up rather abruptly and hold my hand out to her, sniffling back tears and shivering a bit form the cold. "Let's get inside, and we'll talk..." I managed somehow to keep my face rather emotionless. I'm not really angry with her.. Okay, well.. maybe a bit. She's smoking again..? I'm disappointed.. Both because she's doing it, and also because she didn't tell me. We'd agreed long ago that if anything ever got to this point again, she'd tell me. If she started any of her old stuff, I'd be informed, but.. She didn't tell me she's been smoking again. If she had, I'd only be disappointed and slightly peeved that she went onto the roof of all places to do it.


Also that she went up naked.. What if someone had seen her!? Ugh.. I don't even want to think about that.. I know my mind will go in horribly disgusting and sick directions, then will circle back to me, last week, and I'll have another attack, or at very least a breakdown... And now is not the time for that. I love this girl.. Oh god I love her more than words could ever express. And what just happened... It makes me worried. I know she's probably wondering why I 'deal with her' and all she does, but..I could easily ask the same. Sure my problems haven't been as self-destructive as hers, but I know I can tend to be incredibly annoying, clingy, stupid.. All that fun stuff.


So that's one reason I'm not that angry with her.. She hadn't meant to slip and fall, or knock us into the snow. It's not her fault I went out there naked.. It's no one's fault really, and we've both just got to keep that in mind. Otherwise, we'll get no where. So honest, I just want to talk to her. I don't want to yell or get even more angry, I just want to ask her what's going on.. Why she's smoking again, why she decided to go on the roof, all that.. Just have a discussion about all this, because it can't go on ignored..

 

[Memster101]

(( xD Oh joy. Yeah, my grandparents had started a little fund when I was younger and then when I started making okay paychecks I tended to put at least half of it towards college so I have a little saved up :3 Also, it's just a community college so it's pretty cheap. ))


Warily I slid my chilled hand into Mir's, following her back inside. Instead of heading to my room though, I tugged her towards the bathroom. The quickest way to warm ourselves back up was to take a shower, that and we kind of needed one from all of all that 'exercise' we did last night. Once we were safely in the bathroom, I shut the door behind us and moved over to the shower to start the water. I knew right now it was best to keep my mouth shut, that and the fact I wanted to avoid getting ripped a new one as long as possible. Sitting on the edge of the tub, I fiddled around with the facets until I felt that the temperature would be okay once the heat kicked in.


Now that I had nothing to preoccupy myself with, I glanced up at Mir from behind my messy bangs before dropping my gaze back to my nearly purple toes. "I'm sorry..." I murmured, flinching some in expectation for her to start yelling. When it was with Mir, I generally didn't handle confrontation well and preferred to let whatever blame there was settle on me. I knew this irritated her probably as much as the fact that I had done something to irritate her in the first place, but I hated making things a bigger mess than they needed to be.

 

[Zotohxan]

((That's awesome! -w- Yay for pre-planning!


I'll probably wait a year or so before starting, just so I can get decent money saved up and not be in a total financial crisis. x3))


I follow Teag into the bathroom. Once she's got the water started I gently take her hand again, leading her into the shower and feeling my muscles start to relax against the warmth. I don't say anything to her apology.. Instead I just pull her into my arms once more, making sure both of us are under the stream of water as I run my fingers through her knotted hair, closing my eyes and just resting against her a bit. "I love you." I whisper, turning and kissing her cheek before pulling back and looking at her.


"I'll be honest.. I'm a bit angry, Teag.. We agreed you'd tell me if you started anything like this up again, yet.. You didn't. And I'm disappointed that you're doing it in the first place... I'm confused as to why you decided going on the roof was a good idea, and I'm a bit upset about that too, honestly.." I bite my bottom lip. I'm not usually so open and blunt about what I'm feeling, but.. I just figure this is the best, and quickest way for us to get through this. "I was terrified when I heard your yells, and even moreso when I saw you hanging off the damn roof... I thought I was going to lose you, and I'm so glad I didn't.." I take in a short breath, grabbing the shampoo and starting to suds it up in her hair. I mean.. Might as well actually shower while we're in here, and considering we have school later, we need to manage our time.. "Just tell me... Why'd you start again?"

 

[Memster101]

(( That's smart I wish I had waited a little longer but my ACT math scores would have been up by then and there was no way I was going to place into math 1010 again >> ))


I relaxed a little when she pulled me in to hug me, wrapping my own arms around her. How did I get so lucky to find someone who put up with all of my shit? A frown touched my lips when she pulled back though to look at me, wishing that she would have just held me instead. I couldn't stand seeing the disappointment in her eyes. So instead I dropped my gaze to the water running down at our feet, crossing my arms around my midsection to hold myself. "I know... I know," I murmured quietly, pulling my lip between my teeth to gnaw at it gently. "I'm sorry I scared you like that...That I lied to you..." Again, I relaxed a little more as I felt her hands start to massage the shampoo into my hair, glad she wasn't upset enough to refrain from touching me.


Even though I had been incredibly shy, and still was, about showering with Mir, something we had always done from the start was wash each others' hair. It was just another excuse for us to be touching each other, plus it was rather a nice feeling. My eyes closed to avoid getting any of the soap in them and I relinquished one of my arms from around myself to smooth against her side. God, I knew she had to ask about the smoking, but why? Sometimes I wished she could just leave me alone about my habits, but I knew that if she didn't constantly ride me about them that it wouldn't be very hard for me to slip back in all the way.


"When you were ignoring me....God I was so scared I had done something wrong...I just stressed the fuck out the entire week and I figured to choose the lesser of the two evils and had Jess by me a pack." Jess was one of my old friends, back when I was into more of the sketchier stuff, and since she was older than me, tending to be my provider. Mir had made it loud and clear that she didn't like the girl, especially when she had found out that Jess sort of had a thing for me, and still kind of did. And when she got drunk...sometimes she got a little carried away. A slight flush crossed my cheeks and I moved more into the stream to wash out the shampoo at the admission, more than glad to have to keep my eyes shut as I finished with rinsing my hair out.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, I understand.. I practically failed math on my ACT, but did fairly well in everything else(even writing), so.. I'm nervous about that. x3


Also, I want to reply.. But I took some medicine a bit ago and I'm about to pass out x.x I'm off work until Sunday, so I'll reply in the morning. Good night!))

 

[Memster101]

(( Same with me! Unfortunately the field I'm thinking about going into has like nothing to do with reading/writing. But okay! Hope you sleep well and have a good night ))