Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Zotohxan]

I chuckle at Teag's reaction, shaking my head in amusement. "Sorry, Jess." I say, pouting and stuffing the beans in my mouth. "Mama Teag said I can't feed you in her car."


Jess just smirks and shrugs, "Awh, too bad. We'll just have to wait until we get back home, yeah? Then we can feed each other whatever we want." I noticed when she started using a more seductive voice, winking at the end of her statement and making me giggle. "True. And maybe if Teag decides to be nice, we'll even let her join in our feast, right?"


"Oh, of course. But only if she's good~"

 

[Memster101]

"I'm about to feed you both a bowl of 'shut the fuck up'," I grumbled, rubbing at my blazing cheeks. God, maybe I didn't want the two to be friends. Especially if all they did was tease me. And it'd only get worse as Mir got more hormonal. I did manage to pull into the parking lot of the mall without killing us all though, and parked the vehicle. Turning around, I glared at the two girls. "I'm going to put you guys on my ignore list, seriously." Huffing, I made sure everything was in place before getting out of the car. These two were too much.


(( Sorry, I'm kinda blegh right now. I think I'm getting sick e.e ))

 

[Zotohxan]

((No you're fine. I hope you feel better soon! ;w; ))


I can't help the string of giggles that leave my lips as I get out of the car and walk over to Teag, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind, resting my head on her shoulder. I turn and kiss her cheek, then just cuddle gently against her. "You know I love you, babe." I say softly, a contented smile on my face. "We're just teasing you."


Jess gets out and walks over to us, a certain softness in her eye as she looks at us, though a bit deeper down there's also a sadness. "Yeah, you know I wouldn't actually do anything to hurt the two of you..." She smirks a bit, "At least, not anymore." She winks then turns, heading toward the entrance of the mall. "Now c'mon, love birds. This baby stuff ain't gonna buy itself!"

 

[Memster101]

(( Thanks! I'm feeling a little better even though I decided to go to a concert last night >> It was pretty interesting xD ))


I smiled some when Mir cuddled up against me and I pressed back against her affectionately. "You're lucky you're cute and that I love you," I teasingly mumbled, looking over at Jess when she stepped out. I didn't miss the sadness in her eyes, know that even with all that had happened, she would have died to be the one holding me. A frown touched my lips briefly but Jess was already on her way to the doors and thankfully missed it. "On wards!" I mused, waddling after the elder girl with Mir in tow behind me.


It wasn't very fast progress, and slightly awkward progress, but eventually the two of us made it into the doors and caught up with Jess. "Should we just head for the baby stores?" I asked when we came to a stop in the main food court area. "Or is there any you were thinking of in particular?"

 

[Zotohxan]

((Oh my xD Well, I'm glad you're feeling better.. And I hope the concert didn't hurt anything x3))


I hadn't noticed the sadness in Jess' eyes, nor the frown that appeared on Teag's lips. Once we get into the mall properly I release my hold on my girlfriend's waist and instead move to stand beside her, holding her hand. "Um.." I bite my bottom lip, looking around in curiosity about where we should go. "I don't really know anything about the specific baby stores.. So I guess we can just go around and get things that look like they'd suit our little Jelly Bean?" I offer, a smile on my face as I look between the two other girls.


Jess smiles and nods, "Sounds good." She points down the pathway directly in front of us, "There's a kids' shop down there, I'm sure they've got some sort of baby stuff there. Then the only other one I know of that's specifically for babies is at the other end of the mall."

 

[Memster101]

(( Not too badly, no! I tried to mosh xD That didn't end well. And during one of the bands the singer told all the guys to put a girl near them on their shoulders so that happened >> I fell off xDD I also learned I don't like Devil Wears Prada e.e ))


Absently I played with Mir's fingers as we looked around at the stores, chewing some at my lip. I shrugged willingly at Jess' suggestion and started to head in said direction, swinging our hands absently. "What do you think we should look for?" I asked both girls, knowing almost as little about babies as I knew about pregnancy. Being an only child, it had never really been a thing I'd had to worry about. Mir's family was a fair amount larger than mine in the extended sense and Jess had Michael. I was so anti-baby it was crazy. Hopefully it wouldn't be too hard for me to get over my issues with them when Jelly Bean came along.


"Toys? Baby supplies? Uhm...clothes?" I looked at Mir and Jess, a bit helplessly, lips pursed to the side some.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Oh jeez! ;w; I hope you're okay.. I don't really think it'd be too fun to end up falling off some dude's shoulders x'D Also, I don't know that I've ever heard them >.>))


I give a sheepish smile and shrug, "I don't really know.. Seeing as how I'm gay, I never really listened to any of my aunts or cousins when they'd talk about their pregnancies, and I never went with them when they'd go baby shopping.. But, considering we've still got like eight months to go, I'd assume we should wait for buying any food.. And maybe wait for clothes until we know if Jelly Bean is a boy or girl. So right now we can maybe just look for toys and stuff? Maybe pick out the whole crib, carseat, carrier situation? We don't have to buy them now, but.. It's good to look ,right?" I give a hopeful smile between the two, hoping they'd help me figure this out.


Jess nods, "Sounds good." She seems to look between us for a moment before shrugging to herself, as if saying 'What the hell?' "One of my pregnancies actually lasted all the way through. I think in the beginning I mostly went for, like... Onesies and shit, but I did buy a baby carrier right away. Toys and clothes will be your best bet right off, if you wanna get gender-specific stuff for clothes. But you can get some neutral stuff now." Jess says all of this casually, still walking despite the fact I'd stopped and was now just staring at her wide-eyed. In truth, I had no idea Jess had ever been pregnant, none the less given birth to a child. I couldn't help but wonder where the baby was now...


Teag would've known, though. Whether or not she believed/remembered though, is a different story. Once, when they'd started getting close and high together, Jess told Teag the story of how she'd slept around, and gotten pregnant five times.. One was an abortion, three were miscarriages, and one actually made it to term when she was sixteen. At first she'd planned to keep the child, but when Micheal had returned and reminded her of the lifestyle he'd forced her into, she gave it up for adoption. Though, she did get two months with her child before that happened. She still mourns both the day her child was born, as well as the day she was given away. Though, when she'd told Teag this they were both incredibly high and drunk, so she wouldn't blame the slightly younger girl in the least if she didn't remember.

 

[Memster101]

(( Yeah! I'm okay I got more sick though >< And it's like this screamo band and I swear they had maybe like...3 words in their songs and the rest was just like...death metal screams e.e And the light show was really over the top and my friends and I all got really bad head aches and such >> But it was fun! What have you been up to lately??))


I smiled at Mir's comment but paused when I saw the strange look come over Jess' face. Silently I listened to Jess' advice and admission, eyes slightly widened. The story rang a faint bell in my drug hazed memories, but only enough to keep me from gaping like fish. If I tried really hard I could remember bits and pieces in detail, but most of it had been torn to shreds by the years of drug and alcohol abuse. Generally I could remember Jess getting particularly shit faced, drinking and smoking until she literally passed out for a day or two span, on two specific dates. Usually she did so by herself, but I would drop by every one in a while to check on her. If I had to guess, those would have been dates that involved the baby.


Standing on my toes, I used my free hand to duck Jess' head down to my level, then kissed the top. Even if all of the sexual stuff between us aside, I believed in being affectionate to friends, especially when they looked like they were going to have a hard time. "Come on, let's head up to that shop you were talking about, huh? You can show us some of the things you're talking about," I suggested gently, pushing her short hair back from her face.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Awh, I'm sorry ;-; I'm glad you had fun anyway, but that band really doesn't sound too great. x'D


And now much.. I've pretty much just been reading and writing ))


Jess chuckles a bit, obviously trying not to get too far into a serious topic, or a serious mood. She playfully swats away Teag's hands, "Go hold the sexy pregnant chick. My hair's fine in my face." She sticks out her tongue playfully, ruffling Teag's hair and purposely not looking at me, as she'd glanced the sad look on my face and didn't want to see it again. Instead, she just continues walking once more. "C'mon, slow pokes!" She shouts playfully, walking backward and somehow not running into anyone.


I swallow hard, walking over to Teag and taking her hand in mine, squeezing gently. "I didn't know..." I whisper to her softly, feeling terrible now to discuss so much baby stuff with Jess, to have her with us for shopping and the appointments.. How knows how much it hurts her?

 

[Memster101]

(( That's not too bad?? Are you working on your story more or?))


A sigh left me when Jess bounded off and I made an attempt to push my bangs and hair back into place. "Not many people do...Just, if she tries to go all head first into the baby buying stuff, let her, okay? Maybe it'll be the sort of closure she needs..." I had no idea what she would be like after Mir had the baby...the two of them would definitely be competing for time with Jelly Bean...Hopefully we would be able to figure out some system that satisfied both of the girls. Squeezing Mir's hand, I gently started to tug her along in Jess' wake.


The more I churned the thought around in my head though, the more I realized that I would probably have to have a talk with Jess. About how she was handling all of this- the shopping, the appointments, everything else....To see if she was really as comfortable and okay with it as she was seeming to be. I knew it'd mean a lot to Mir if Jess was in on all of this but it wasn't healthy for Jess to go through with it if it was upsetting her. Shaking my head some, we followed Jess into the mentioned store from earlier.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, ITML is finished.. I am starting on a new one though, yes. I finally came up with an idea x3))


I nod slowly at Teag's words, understanding that Jess may need this to help her. If we were closer I would likely pull her aside and make sure she really was alright with everything happening, but.. We're not. I certainly wouldn't mind if someday we were, she does seem like a good person, but... As of now, I'd probably just do more harm than good if I were to try and talk to her about the child she had to give away.


When we all are in the store Jess walks over with a smile, grabbing one of my hands and one of Teag's, then dragging us toward the toys which looked like they'd be fore the smallest babies. No small parts, mostly rubber, a lot of those rings you'd see hanging on baby carrier handles.. "This is all what you'd need at first, of course you can get whatever you want, but stuffed animals and stuff will have to wait until Jelly Bean is a bit older. You can't let him or her have pillows or anything at first, since they could suffocate."

 

[Memster101]

(( Oooh~ really?? What's it about??))


I relaxed a little at Jess' seemingly more pleasant mood and eyed the simple toys with mild curiosity. I could practically see the drool dripping off of them already. "Yeah, or eat them...Apparently I ate all the fuzz off my teddy bear when I was baby..." I admitted sheepishly, rubbing at the back of my neck once Jess had let go of my hand. "So...nice, chewy, rubber toys it is. Are blocks too grown up do you think?" I looked at the two girls, chewing some at my lip. Things would definitely be easier when we could get jelly bean toys like little trucks or dolls or something. Many more options and a lot more...interesting.


"We should probably look at rattles or mobiles while we're here too..." I glanced around at the little signs that hung from the ceiling, categorizing each aisle with what was on it.

 

[Zotohxan]

((I haven't really figured out the whole story yet, but so far it starts off with a girl who's been held prisoner for practically as long as she could remember. She's abused and malnourished, to the point that even puberty hasn't really hit her and she's hardly developed for her age. I think the first bit is just going to be her in her captivity and with the person who's keeping her, then she'll try to escape. I dunno.. I don't really write out plots for my stories, I just kinda write whatever I feel like at the time. x'D))


I can't help but laugh when Teag admits about eating the fuzz off her bears as a baby, and apparently Jess has that same issue, but the kindness to at least try to hide it. After a few moments we both sober up and I turn to Teag again, smiling and nodding at her suggestions. "That sounds good.. But I wouldn't think blocks would be too bad to get, right, Jess?" I turn to her with curious eyes, knowing that she knows the most about babies and shopping than either myself or Teag.. And though I do feel bad asking her about it considering what she's gone through, I do kinda need to know...


Jess doesn't seem bothered though as she shrugs, "Well, it'll be several months before Jelly Bean is actually developed enough to play with them.. But they do make blocks with rounded edges so that babies don't hurt themselves. And they're bigger than like Legos, so there's no choking hazard or anything."


((Also, sorry for short replies.. I think I'm getting sick and most of my focus is on the book ;w; ))

 

[Memster101]

(( Oh jeez xD That sounds actually pretty good! I need to write that story I had an idea for xD Also, you're fine! I hope you aren't going to get too sick!))


I flushed lightly at Mir's laughter and Jess' attempt to hide her own, letting them get it all out. "Yeah...and okay, that sounds good." I glanced around the toys I could see on this aisle, mostly things of the rubber nature, hm'ing to myself. "Alright, anything standing out to anyone?" I asked, stepping back some so I could get a better look at more of the shelf. Most of the toys looked the same to me- brightly colored primary colors, shapes, and basic learning skills. Chewing at the skin around my fingernail, I looked at the two girls questioningly.

 

[Zotohxan]

((x3 Thank you~ And you should. I'd love to read it! ^-^))


I chuckle a bit, "It all looks the same..." I bite my bottom lip, glancing at Jess who almost looks as if she is in some sort of trance while looking at all the different baby toys. Without warning she rushes forward and picks up a mobile with little hanging 'diamonds', as well as reflective coloured papers. "This is so cute!" She looks between Teag and I, pushing slightly against the top where all the strings connect, making it spin. "Jelly Bean would love this." She says happily, putting back the display and picking up a box, practically shoving it into my arms.

 

[Memster101]

((After I what I can of my math homework maybe I'll try xDD Have you posted any of your story yet??))


I smiled to myself as Mir actually had to take a step back with the force the box was shoved into her hands and shook my head some. "Well I hope Jelly Bean doesn't mind diamonds if they're a boy," I mused gently. I was unsure about Mir, but I planned on raising the child without any specific gender things.If it was a girl and liked barbies, a boy that liked race cars, or visa versa or both, so be it. I would just let the child choose what it wanted to play with and get a mix of toys. It was something Mir and I would have to talk about.

 

[Zotohxan]

((x3 Good luck with the math! And no, not yet.. The only thing I've recently posted on there is this story idea I'm waiting for feedback on before writing it. x'D))


I shrug a bit, "Jelly Bean will be fine. Even if they are a boy, they'll just grow up loving diamonds." I smile, then watch Jess once more as she starts going through the different things, picking up this and that and awing over it before putting it back, or stuffing it under her arm to hold. I can't say I was totally surprised, what with Teag's warning, but it still caught me off guard... And speaking of what Teag said. I do hope she doesn't actually mind my response, seeing as how I don't really care about the whole gender stereotypes when it comes to raising Jelly Bean. Sure, once they get older they can settle into stereotypes if they want, but at least they won't be pressured to be one way or the other growing up.. Won't be scared to step out of a gendered box if they like something not conventionally for their sex. I know Teag and I will have to discuss it, but.. It just seems like the best idea to me.

 

[Memster101]

(( xD Oh wow. How much have you written so far??))


I smiled at Mir's response and pulled her close, kissing her cheek lovingly. "God I adore you," I murmured happily, giving the spot I had kissed a little nuzzle. After squeezing Mir gently, I hurried after Jess and started to take some of the items when her arms were starting to get too full. Places like this needed shopping carts. Or something to help carry stuff. It was getting a little ridiculous. About twenty or so minutes later, all three of us with arms piled high, slowly and carefully made our way over to the check out line.


"Do you think we got enough?" I teased, slowly inching forward as the line moved.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Not much.. I'm being really perfectionist over this for some reason, so I just keep writing and rewriting the first chapter... x'D))


Jess sticks her tongue out at Teag and I, "You know you'll need all this. All I did was help you out with knowing without having to buy one of those stupid baby books." I chuckle a bit and nod. I would've teasingly ruffled her hair if my hands weren't filled to the brim with baby toys, decorations, and clothes. "Yeah. THank you, Jess." Despite the fact I would've teased her, I do thank her genuinely. Who knows if Teag and I would've looked over anything while shopping if we only had the books to rely on. As much as I may want to tease her for this, I know that it was good... For all of us.

 

[Memster101]

(( Oh jeez! I can relate to that ><* Have you though of having your girlfriend look it over??))


I smiled at the interaction between the two, setting my pile down on the little belts that brought the items to the cashier. "Well, we should be set for a small while, I think?" Of course we were still going to get a little something every week for JB, but as for the basics, I think we had it all. I may have been wrong though. Or Jess and Mir might come up with some items they wanted but didn't necessarily need. Moving aside, I let the two other girls place their items on the convayer belt and looked around the store idly.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah x3 I've already warned her I'll be having her read it. x'D))


Jess and I put our own armfuls on the conveyor belt. When we finally make it to the front of the line the middle-aged cashier gives all three of us dirty looks, probably assuming we're all teenage sluts who got pregnant. "This generation.. I swear." She says under her breath, making me immediately lower my head though I know I have nothing to be ashamed of. Jess, however, doesn't take it so easily.


"Excuse me?" She starts, narrowing her eyes at the woman who just scoffs. "You heard me. You children have no respect for yourselves these days! Getting pregnant... Sleeping around.. You're just kids, yourselves!" She had even stopped scanning our items by now, just glaring us down.


"Oh. So you think we just sleep around? Well. Just so you fucking know there's only one of us who's pregnant, you don't need to know who. And the only reason that the one is pregnant, is because of some sick asshole who decided he wanted sex when she didn't." My eyes go wide and I start trembling a bit, wrapping my arms around one of Teag's as I move to hide behind her. Just as I do, I see Jess heading behind the counter to stand in front of the woman.


"So now, you're being some two-faced bitch who probably made some fucking mistakes in her teenage years, and now you're putting all your regret into hatred for people who don't deserve it. You're sitting here trying to make a traumatized teenage girl feel bad about herself for something that's not even her fault!" She shoves her finger into the older woman's chest, making her gasp and take a step back. But Jess doesn't care. "You need to reevaluate your life, you wrinkly old fucker! You have no right to judge anyone! Even if this pregnancy wasn't the result of a sick minded person with no conscious, even if it was because the girl liked having a dick inside her, you have no fucking right! You're not god damn Mother Teresa, not fucking Buddha, not any sort of fucking saint! This is just fucking proof that you make mistakes, you have shit to regret, and since you are absolutely not fucking perfect, you don't get to try and criticize someone for something that isn't any of your fucking business! You do your fucking job. Scan the bar codes over the fucking laser, and bag them! You say 'have a good day' and give us change and a receipt. Nothing. Fucking. Else."


When she's done she walks back around to stand beside Teag and I, everyone's eyes on us with their jaws dropped. I, however, have my face hidden against Teag's back as I force myself to stay calm.

 

[Memster101]

(( Oh dear xD Well at least you warned her!!))


My own temper flared when I heard the woman's comment but Jess beat me to the punch. I smoothed my hand over the ones Mir had around my arm, moving myself in front of her some. Warily, I let Jess give her rant, but was prepared to pull her back if I thought things were going to start getting out of hand. Eventually, I placed a hand on Jess' arm and tightened it warningly before yanking her back beside me. The woman gawked at the three of us and I narrowed my eyes some. "Well? The faster you ring those up, the faster we'll be gone, ma'am," I replied to her silence. With annoyance on her face, she huffily started to ring up our items as quickly as she could.


About a few minutes of tense silence later, all of our items had been rung up, bagged, and paid for. Wordlessly she handed us the receipt and we all took some of the bags and started to head out of the building. A sigh left me and I would of held Mir's hand if either of ours had been free. "Just...try and ignore people like that, Mir. They don't know what they're talking about..." This was what I was afraid of though, especially at school....Comments like that and God knew what else. How much would Mir be able to take before it upset her too much?

 

[Zotohxan]

(( I'll probably just have her read this first chapter when I have it the way I want it, then if she agrees with it just write the rest on my own- unless she actually wants to preread the rest.. Then she can. xD ))


I nod slowly to Teag's words, still trembling slightly as we get to the car. I watch as Teag unlocks the trunk and we all put the bags in there, then still wordlessly I make my way to the back seat, buckling up then leaning my head against the window. Not really looking at anything, just lost in my own thoughts. I don't notice Jess outside the car apologizing to Teag for her outburst, nor do I really pay any attention as the two get into the car. I guess Jess understood that I just need time to myself as she sits in the front passenger seat, exchanging worried looks with Teag.


In truth, I don't really know what to think.. I know good and well how pregnant teenagers are treated, but.. I guess I didn't really expect it to happen to me. I didn't expect the feeling of a bottomless pit in my stomach, or to have a headache that set even my hair to hurting... I didn't think an absolute stranger would look down on me, think badly of me, just because I'm pregnant. She had just assumed... She has no idea what I went through. And though I will never view Jelly Bean as a mistake, though I will always love and protect this child, the fact of the matter is that the only reason this baby exists is because I was put through some of the worst pain someone should have to go through.. Like Jess said, I was traumatized. And a perfect stranger thought it right to assume, to insult me. I guess I just didn't think people would be that cruel.. I'd only personally seen the 'slut shaming' in school, where everyone knows how the girls would get pregnant, seeing as how they and their boyfriends would gloat about it 24/7. I'd never really stopped to think about how it'd be out in the real world... And about school.. Considering everyone knows I'm gay, and with Teag.... I'm terrified to know what they'll all say.

 

[Memster101]

((That's a good of an ideas any xD ))


I brushed away Jess' apology, letting her know she had nothing to apologize about. If she hadn't said anything, I would have said something. It would be a lot harder at school not to do so, or to get physical with someone if they did. Especially if it was Matt, Dylan and all of them. Of course...I had my plan to get rid of them but until then....We drove in silence with music the only thing to break it, all off in our own thoughts. We only had to go through with less than half a semester of this and then we at least wouldn't have to deal with all the people at school...


A long and silent while later, we finally pulled into my driveway. We had enough time to rest a little before having to go to the doctors appointment, which was fine with me. I decided to grab the stuff later, not entirely where to put it all yet. Lori and Rosaline's apartment would have been too small for it all and Jess was currently living here so. I would have to clear some space in one of the back rooms or in my closet...

 

[Zotohxan]

((x3 Any luck with your idea? o: ))


When we get back to Teag's house I get out of the car, still silent as I wait for the other two to get out as well. Once Teag is out I walk to her and take her hand, interlacing our fingers and squeezing gently. Jess stays quiet as well, feeling bad about the way she'd handled the store... She feels that she shouldn't have said anything and just let the woman think whatever she was going to. In truth I'm actually very thankful for what Jess did, defending me like that... But I just don't have the strength to say anything just yet. I know that's unfair to her, but... I can't help it. My mind is swimming with too much to utter a single word, to even look anyone in the eye. I sort of just want the day to hurry up and get over with, or.. At least, hurry up and get to the point where I'll be going to my appointment, and the five of us can finally see my baby for the first time...