Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Memster101]

(( I haven't messed with it yet xD ))


We trailed into the house in silence, chewing some at my lip. I figured I should leave Mir alone, knowing that she was lost in her thoughts. Jess I was unsure about...A sigh escaped me and I plopped down on the couch, curling up some tiredly. Wandering around the mall was surprisingly tiring. "I think I'm going to take a little nap," I announced, not even sure anyone was in the room to hear. I pulled a blanket up over myself and settled down after finding the remote and setting it on the table if the girls wanted to watch tv.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah xD Well, good luck when you do~ x3))


By the time we're inside I see Teag heading to the living room with Jess behind her, but I can't really find it in me to pay much of any attention to what they're saying or doing... Distantly I notice Teag laying down with the blanket over her and it occurs to me that she's taking a nap, and all I do is silently nod before heading upstairs. It's not that I don't care... I just feel lost at the moment. I haven't properly given myself the chance to think through much of anything since this all happened, and it seems the moment I'd really start to let my mind wander to other people and simply to this baby inside me, I'd pull it away. I guess I just wasn't ready to get into all that...


But now I am. I have to be. And as I trail my way into Teag's otherwise empty room and lay down on her bed, my feet still on the floor, my eyes trained on the ceiling, and my arms wrapped around my stomach, it's all I can think about.


Jess walks into the living room with Teag, looking at her worriedly. "You okay, Teagan?" She asks softly, squatting down next to the couch and running her fingers gently through my girlfriend's hair. "I'm sorry for going off on that woman... It just wasn't right the way she was talking, what she was saying. You and Miranda don't deserve to hear that kind of stuff. But I can stop myself if it ever happens again, I guess I just took it a bit too personal this time." Which is true.Though she was defending me, deep down she was also defending herself. Of course people had said the same things about her when she first got pregnant, but she was a very different person back then. She didn't really become who she is now, until she was forced to. Until she had to give away her baby.

 

[Memster101]

((Thanks, I'll need it xD ))


My eyes fluttered open when I felt Jess' hand in my hair. Before I could answer she launched into an explanation of her actions. "Just tired...And it's okay, Jess. I'm not mad at you and nether is Mir." A sigh escaped me and I sat up some, rubbing at my eyes. "If you hadn't said something, I would have. Mir hadn't thought about this I guess..." Absently, I listened to Mir's footsteps in the room above, frowning. "Are you sure you're going to be okay with all of this baby stuff...? I know that it's still a really sensitive subject for you..."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Of course~ x3))


Jess nods slowly, her head still lowered when Teag tells her about me not thinking about it, about it being okay what she'd done. She then sighs silently at the question. "I am... I mean, it's kinda painful.. Her birthday is in a couple weeks, but..." She takes in a deep breath, sitting back on her legs. "It's hard. It is, but then again, this is my niece or nephew... I know it doesn't make up for giving my daughter away, but I sort of feel like it's a second chance.. At least, I'll be able to help you two with the things you don't know, babysit whenever you need, ya know.. That sorta stuff. Maybe it'll help." She smiles faintly and shrugs a bit. "Besides, it'll be five years. It's about time I get past all this."

 

[Memster101]

I nodded some, wondering how she was going to handle this all when we started to clean up our act more. "It's not anything you should have to get over. It's a really big deal...I don't think I could have ever handled something like that. Eventually things will get easier though..." I tried to offer, rubbing softly at one of her legs. "And I'm sure Mir and I would love to have you take care of Jelly Bean once in awhile. I hope that they'll help with all that had happened..." Leaning back in the chair some, I shifted the blanket over myself, stifling a yawn.

 

[Zotohxan]

Six months later and I'm seven months pregnant, about 30 weeks. Micheal is still in prison along with my parents, Matt and his gang got arrested months ago for hitting Teag and after that trying to inappropriately touch her- which thankfully someone walked in on and called the police- and I'm still living with Rosaline and Lori. It wasn't until last month that they finally told Teag, Jess, and I what happened, why they were suspended from active duty for a month. And they only told us because we wouldn't stop bugging them about it... It was quite a shock, to say the least. And apparently they'd payed someone under the table to basically hack the internet, and personal devices, deleting all evidence of what the women had done to get through college.


To say the makeshift mothers were applauded after that would be an understatement.


About a month after moving in with Teag, Jess leaves back to her apartment, not so freaked out about being alone, and content in the knowledge that her brother is in jail for a long time. Regarding the night we all three spent together, it has never happened again, and probably will never happen again. Not that it was bad, but.. I think we've sort of all come to the conclusion that we're better off not doing naked things all together.


A week after my first gyno appointment ,both my girlfriend and her best friend went into an out-patient rehab program. And as of three days ago, they've both been five months sober. And though it was incredibly difficult at first, what with them going through withdrawals and me going through pregnancy hormones, everything has started to even out, I think. Except my hormones... Those have just been getting worse and worse through the pregnancy. Teag, Jess, and I all decided to keep our Jelly Bean's gender a secret, wanting to be surprised when he or she is born. And we've also decided that while Jess is Jelly Bean's Aunt, she'll act more as a third mother. She'll have just as many rights to this child as Teag and I will, and I have no problem with that what so ever. We've all grown closer during this time, and she really is like my family now.


Staying true to their word Rosaline and Lori still kept me in their home after I turned 18, and have actually refused to let me get a job. They said they knew how stressful everything must be on me anyway, and having to stress over work as well, it.. It wouldn't be the best of ideas. So I've taken up most of the household chores since I'm around the house most of the time. Graduation went well four months ago, and I was easily able to cover my belly for everything, so.. No one really knew I was pregnant, thank god.


And now we're celebrating my little Jelly Bean being in existence for 30 weeks. "Teag! Come take the baby picture!" I shout, settling myself in front of the plainest wall in the apartment. I reach up and pull my hair back into a fairly tidy bun. I'd dyed it back to my original brown when I was at 10 weeks, not wanting to possibly harm the baby by continuing to dye it that red, who knows what the chemicals and smells would do to him or her?! I've also taken to wearing glasses. Rosaline took me to get my eyes checked when she learned about me getting headaches when doing anything up close for too long, and it turns out that I needed them. Not that I really mind, anyway.


Seeing my girlfriend hustle into the hall with Jess, Rosaline, and Lori behind her makes me smile. I turn to my side and smile, preparing for Teag to take the picture of my baby's progression. I know the only reason they all came in is because I tend to cry if they don't.. But.. I don't mind. They're here, and that's all that matters!

Spoiler

 

[Memster101]

((*slow applaud* Damn! That's a lengthy post!!))


30 weeks ago, my life changed for ever. So many things seemed to happen at once back then...Mir getting pregnant, me relapsing in almost all ways possible up to and including that threesome with Jess and Mir, Mir and I almost breaking up, the drama with Michael and Mir's parents, the investigation on Lori and Rosaline, everything that had happened between Mark, his group and I...They all seemed like distant memories, mostly distorted by the first two or so months of rehab and withdrawal. If I'm being honest, I'm not sure who spent more time with their heads in the toilet out of Jess, Mir, and I. Most of the responsibilities had fallen to Lori and Rosaline when concerning Mir in those months, something I still felt incredibly guilty about. I should have been there for her.


Thankfully, Jess and I had managed to recover from rehab just in time to actually graduate school. While our grades were far from fantastic, we passed all the same. Now that Jess had an actual high school diploma, she had been able to get a real job as a bar tender. It had been hard for her to be around the alcohol at first but eventually she grew accustom to it. Once Jelly Bean was born, I had a fair guess she would indulge in a little drinking once in a while, but we both knew she wouldn't let herself get as bad as she once had been. Jelly Bean meant to much to her to do so. If Mir and I had been religious people, I'm sure Jess would have been the god mother, but we weren't so we settled for this little three way mother deal with had.


Since rehab, I had changed a fair bit too. Unlike Jess, I had been sent to another out-patient facility to deal with my depression and eating disorder. I had been prescribed some anti-depressants, which Mir and the officers kept a close eye on, and had gained some weight. A lot of people would still say I was scrawny, but I was the closest I had ever been to a healthy weight in my teenage/adult life. It was a struggle every day, but I was trying to do it for Mir and Jelly Bean... Aside from that though, I hadn't changed much appearance wise. Still pale as death, my surprisingly natural white-blonde hair was longer now, to my chest, and occasionally I did wear glasses. When Mir had gone to get her eyes examined, they had dragged me along too and it turned out I had needed them as well. I generally only wore them while driving, or sometimes reading.


30 weeks ago and my life was still changing, and today we're celebrating that. I had been in the bathroom when Mir called out, double checking how I looked. My hair was down per-usual, and I was wearing a little make up. My clothes looked fine. As happy as I could be with how I looked, I hurried out with the others before Mir got upset. A content sigh left me when I saw Mir, that crooked smile of mine appearing on my lips. Grabbing the camera from the coffee table, I turned the camera on and let it focus.


"Alright. One...two...three! Say Jelly Bean!" I waited until Mir said so, with a smile on her lips, and snapped the photo a few times. Just in case she blinked or something. I lowered the camera from my face and scrolled back through the photos, deleting the ones I had caught her blinking or some odd thing. Once I found the good one, I moved over to her and held the camera out so she could see.

 

[Zotohxan]

((x'D Thank you~


And to you as well! owo))


I smile even brighter after Teag takes the picture, practically bouncing in place as she walks over to show me the keeper. I would have actually been bouncing, but around last month I learned that bouncing equals peeing. All over myself. Without warning. Then of course that was followed up with me breaking down sobbing, then yelling at Teag for getting me excited to go buy the crib... I'd rather not go through all that again.


The moment I see the picture tears come to my eyes though I still smile, and I hug my girlfriend as close as I'm able, "I love it! I love you, and I love Jelly Bean, and I love Jess, and Rosaline, and Lori, and-and..." Suddenly my face falls, the tears turning sad. "But... What if Jelly Bean doesn't love me?" I take a step back and wrap my arms around my stomach, looking down at it and rubbing softly, "I'm sorry, Jewwy Bean... Mommy loves you a whole lot, okay? So.. Pl-Please don't hate Mommy... I didn't know you didn't like cheese in chocolate ice cream... I thought you wanted it, s-so I ate it... I'm sorry, please love Mommy..."


As my therapist has said I now have abandonment among other issues from my parents, one of my biggest issues during this pregnancy has been getting emotional about Jelly Bean hating me and/or leaving me... And I get that way with everyone, really, but it's worse with the child growing inside me. And... It can get bad. To the point where I've got a thin, vertical scar forming about five inches above my wrist from where I was going to kill myself. I wasn't thinking straight thanks to the baby-safe meds I'd been put on for anxiety and depression, and I thought Jelly Bean would be better off without me for a mother. I thought everyone would be better off without me. It hadn't registered in my mind that if I died my baby would as well, and I was prepared to do it. And I would have, if Lori hadn't found me crying on the bathroom floor by the toilet.

 

[Memster101]

(( Thanks xD ))


I started some as Mir started crying and set the camera back down on the table after hitting the off button. "Hey now," I comforted, pulling her close. It still took me back some to feel the swell of her stomach against mine, sometimes I thought this was all a dream but when I felt her against me, that usually centered me. "Jelly Bean isn't going to hate you. You're going to be a great mother and no one will love you more than Jelly Bean, except maybe me." Gently, I rubbed at her back as she started to cry. This had maybe been the hardest thing to deal with during the pregnancy. The panic attacks had more or less died off, but there were still occasional episodes here and there. They hadn't been as horrible as they were that first week but it still had put a strain on our relationship when they did happen....


Mostly now it was just these fits she worked herself into worrying about whether or not Jelly Bean was going to love her or not. I could understand and I had been to a few appointments with Mir's therapist to help get a better understanding of them...All I could really hope for was that when Jelly Bean was finally born she didn't suffer from postpartum disorder or anything. That would be a joy. And with how my luck tended to be, it was most likely what was going to happen.


I shook my head of these thoughts and cast a slightly helpless look to the others. Rosaline and Lori had been here for most of the episodes, considering Jess and I had been MIA for a good part of the pregnancy. They usually knew the right things to say or do when she got like this.

 

[Zotohxan]

Rosaline noticed Teag's pleading glance and gives a small smile before starting to walk over. Though, just before she could get to me, I feel a kick against my left hand. My eyes go wide and I smile brightly, "Teag! Jelly Bean gave me a high-five, that means they really love me, right!?" I squeal in happiness and rub my belly in that spot, "I love you too, Jelly bean! Always!" I then look at my girlfriend again and pout childishly, "Will you kiss Jelly Bean for me? I can't bend like that..."


I couldn't wait until the day would come where I could actually kiss my baby, hold them in my arms and just know that they're alright. This child will be my entire world, hell... They already are. "Then kiss me, because I love you too." I smile a bit teasingly, then turn to the other three women, "And I want to hug all of you, too, because I love all of you too. But I don't want to kiss you like I kiss Teag, 'cause that'd be kinda weird..."


Jess, being Jess, just smirks, "Oh, please. Not like you haven't kissed me like you've kissed Teagan before." She winks, and I immediately flush a deep red, "S-Stop that! It's... That didn't happen! Long time ago, okay! And don't talk about that in front of Jelly Bean, you are their Aunt! Aunts don't kiss Moms, especially not two Moms at the same time!"


Rosaline can't help as she busts out laughing, holding onto her wife so she doesn't actually fall from how hard her laughter really is. The officers knew all about what the three of us had done, mostly because they were in the therapy session with me when I talked about it, and they were gay women, so..I thought I could use their input. But now, though they don't bring it up to joke about it, they will still tease the hell out of all of us.

 

[Memster101]

I relaxed when Mir cheered up, but knew it was only a matter of time before something else set her off. Sure that was a bit pessimistic of me, but I was just being honest. It was what had been the pattern for the past two terms of the pregnancy. I smiled though at her request and nodded, crouching some so I could kiss her stomach. "Hey, Jelly Bean. This is from Mommy," I murmured, placing a kiss where Mir's hand had been. During some point we had decided Mir would be Mommy and I would be Mama. It would probably change over time when Jelly Bean got older, considering Mommy was a bit childish, but that was something to worry about at a later date.


I stood then and fulfilled the rest of Mir's request, kissing her gently on the lips. My eyes widened though as the banter started and my own cheeks started to blaze at the mention of that faithful night. It wasn't something I thought back to often truthfully, but I didn't really regret it happening. In some ways, it had made us all closer. When Lori and Rosaline started to laugh I hid my face against Mir's neck, wrapping my arms loosely around her waist. "Can we not, guys?" I whined slightly. It had been a fair while since they had teased us about it, but it didn't mean I wanted to be reminded of it any time soon.


"What do you guys want for lunch, huh? I think we have stuff for sandwiches. I'm going to go make us sandwiches." I ducked my head as I slid past the two older lesbians and Jess, hurrying into the kitchen.

 

[Zotohxan]

I couldn't help but giggle slightly at Teag's show of embarrassment, despite being embarrassed myself. It was always so cute when she'd act embarrassed like that... Once she was out of the room I walk over and pull the three remaining women into a group hug, kissing all of their cheeks and getting ones on the forehead in return.


"Why don't you go hep your woman ,huh?" Rosaline says with a small smile and I nod, rushing into the kitchen to help my girlfriend out. Also, to eat some of the parts of the sandwich separately... I've had a terrible habit of doing that lately, as well. The moment I get in there I grab a slice of ham and shove it into my mouth, moaning loudly in satisfaction, "So good!" I groan, then walk over and drape my arms around Teag's shoulders, "Baaabe, we should have ham for dinner.. We should go buy one, and I want pickles with it, too... Oh... Oh! What if we made the pickles with the ham!?" I smile brightly at my excellent idea, "And we can dress it all with peanut butter! Yes, that sounds perfect!"

 

[Memster101]

Once in the kitchen, I pulled out the few bread types the women kept, along with different cheeses, meats, and condiments. Over time I had gotten fairly good at learning what everyone liked on their sandwiches, considering it was about the only thing I could cook. I had been in the process of making Lori's sandwich when Mir came and wrapped her arms around me. My stomach churned at the concoction she described and I swallowed some. "Uhm, how about we make ham and I can make a separate thing for you with all of that, huh?" I suggested. "We can go to the store after lunch and get whatever we don't have." One thing I could get out of this was I was getting very good at compromising or redirecting someone's ideas.


I leaned back briefly against Mir affectionately for a moment before finishing Lori's sandwich and then starting Rosaline's. "Why don't you start on your sandwich and Jess'?" I figured it was a good way to get back at the older girl for her embarrassing comments if Mir made the sandwich more to her liking than Jess'.

 

[Zotohxan]

I gasp happily at the idea of getting my own ham made, then kiss Teag's cheek before rushing to make sandwiches for Jess and I. Even I realize how peppy and childish I am at the moment, but I can't help it... The medicine for my depression makes me this way for the first little bit after I take it in the mornings. I'd only taken my pills an hour ago, and they kicked in about ten minutes ago, so I've probably got around twenty or so minutes of acting like a child before I'm back to being like myself. Aside from the mood swings- those still happen. The first time Teag saw me on the meds, well... She thought I'd genuinely lost my mind. But then the officers explained to her what it was and she kinda calmed down.


I happily make my sandwich with one piece of white bread, the other piece rye. I slather the white bread with mustard and the rye with mayonnaise, then fill the whole thing up with turkey, swiss cheese, ham, roast beef, then I drench the top with barbecue sauce. I start laughing as I see it all put together, "It looks so disgusting! But what Jelly Bean wants, Jelly Bean gets!" I nod to myself then get to work on Jess' sandwich, ham and american cheese on wheat bread with mayonnaise on both slices.

 

[Memster101]

I smiled some at Mir's excitement, watching her make her sandwiches. It was still a little strange for me to see her all bouncy and happy, but I had more or less grown use to seeing it. Mine had just mellowed me out, but not in a bad way. To be honest though I had always been the more mellow one out of the two of us though, aside from when I had gone through my major depressive episodes. But it wasn't a bad thing. She kept me from getting too sad and I kept her from getting too excited. After I finished up Rosaline's sandwich, I cupped Mir's face between my hands, smiling lightly as I saw some mayonnaise and mustard smear on her cheeks.


"I love you," I told her before kissing her lovingly. I left my lips against hers for a few moments before pulling back, rubbing slightly at the mess I had made on her cheeks before moving back to my own sandwich. "Do you want to grab some plates for all of these?" I had failed to grab them before Mir came in and distracted me. Not that I minded really.

 

[Zotohxan]

I smile against Teag's lips when she kisses me, loving the feeling of the two of us being so close... It's just... Perfect. "I love you too." I whisper to her when we pull apart, then grin widely when she asks me to get the plates, "Yep!" I rush to the proper cupboard and throw it open, pulling down five plates and carrying them back to my girlfriend. I put mine and Jess' plates on two then pout when I realize how many there were, and how many hands my girlfriend and I have.


"Jess!" I shout, "Come help, now!" Seconds later Jess appears quirking a brow, "Yes, oh-mighty Mommy?" I just giggle and point to her sandwich, "There's five plates, and four hands... Take your own!"

 

[Memster101]

I set Lori's, Rosaline's, and my own sandwiches on the remaining plates, humming lightly to myself. I blinked when Mir called in Jess, having assumed I'd just run back in to grab my own plate, but allowed my love to do as she pleased. It was something I had learned to do over time. It just made things ten times easier. Stretching some, I stifled a yawn and followed after Jess and Mir when they picked up their designated plates. We placed the plates on the slightly too small table and all took a seat, the two couples together and Jess sandwiched between Lori and I. I supposed that Jelly Bean would be between Mir and Rosaline when the time came.


"Oh! Drinks! What do you all want?" I asked, standing up once again. I had followed Mir's suit when she had started going all healthy living for Jelly Bean, which meant no soda, no alcohol, no dyes, etc. Most of the time I just drank water, coffee, or tea. Mir usually stuck to juices, water, milk, or non-caffeinated tea.

 

[Zotohxan]

I pout when Teag asks about drinks, "I want coke... But then Jelly Bean would get mad, so..." I think for a moment, "Orange juice!" I smile brightly, then fall back against the back of the couch, "Orange juice sounds so good right now~!" I look at my sandwich and my eyes go wide, "Oh. My. God... This would taste perfect dunked in it, hurry! Please, Teag! The baby wants it now!" My eyes were wide and my voice urgent, sounding almost as if I were saying the baby would die if I didn't get to dunk the disgusting-looking mess on my plate in some orange juice.


"On second thought..." I say, scrunching up my nose in distaste, "I don't want to dunk it... It'd get all soggy, then there'd be barbecue all in the cup... So, only to drink, please~"

 

[Memster101]

Again my stomach did another flop of disgust at Mir's request but I nodded dutifully, taking everyone else's drinks as well. A few minutes later I came back with a pitcher of water, a soda pop for Jess, and a glass of orange juice for Mir. I passed all the cups and Jess' can out, setting the pitcher in the middle so everyone could pour their own drinks. "Alright...I think that should be good," I stated, more to myself than the others, before taking a seat. Once Lori and Rosaline had poured their drinks, I poured myself a glass of water and set the pitcher back down. I had kept my sandwich really simple, wheat bread with turkey, Swiss cheese, and a touch of mayo. Even if I was eating better than I had before, I was still careful about making sure what I ate was healthy.


I fell silent as I listened to everyone talk, feeling fairly tired after all the work of making the sandwiches and the rest of the day. I could sure use a nap.

 

[Zotohxan]

I eat my sandwich pretty quickly, moaning happily after every bite. At first Teag would playfully yell at me when I'd do that, thinking I was just trying to mess with her... But the truth is, I really couldn't help it. Everything just tastes either so good, or so terrible while I'm pregnant. There is no in between. Once I'm through eating I put my plate back on the table and lean over, resting my head on my girlfriend's shoulder. "I love you." I whisper to her, tilting my head up to kiss her cheek. "A lot."

 

[Memster101]

I was barely started on my sandwich by the time Mir had finished hers, it took me a long time to eat still which was pretty unfortunate. "I love you too," I murmured, turning my head to meet her lips. I slid my free hand onto her thigh, rubbing affectionately while I toyed with my sandwich with my free one. Unlike before, I would eventually eat it... "I think I'm going to take a nap after lunch, do you want to join?" I asked, head cocking to the side. I knew I had promised to go to the store but I was sure I could ask Lori to go to the store for us. With how much Mir tossed and turned during the night, whether it be the baby or nightmares still I didn't know, I hadn't been sleeping very well.

 

[Zotohxan]

I smile a bit and nod, "Yeah, that sounds good." I close my eyes contentedly before opening them again and looking up at Teag, "Do I keep you up at night? I'm sorry if I do... I read something online that said a lot of pregnant people toss and turn in their sleep... And since you've been staying the night lately, I just... You seem to be more tired all the time." I frown a bit, "I'm sorry if I do... I-I don't mean to... I love you, and I want you to sleep..."

 

[Memster101]

I smiled faintly when Mir apologized and I shook my head. "I'd rather spend the night with you than sleep," I murmured, brushing my fingers through her hair. Setting my sandwich down, sipping at my water some. "Are you sleeping okay?" She usually seemed not to be awake when she rolled around and that was all I really cared about. She needed as much sleep as she could get with how much stress her body was under. "If you want I can sleep on the floor or out in the other room?"

 

[Zotohxan]

I was just about to say that I sleep fine when Teag offers to sleep on the floor or another room. My eyes immediately tear up and I shake my head, "N-No! I... I want to sleep with you, Teag!" I sniffle, the tears starting to fall. "I sleep p-perfect, so don't worry! Jelly Bean doesn't wake me up much, I... I was just worried about you... Please don't leave me..." To tell the truth, sleeping alone still scares me. It always leaves my mind free to imagine all the possible scenarios of how someone could come in and hurt me, and no one would ever know. But sleeping alone... Even while Teag and Jess had to stay in-patient some times at the rehab I'd often go in crying in the middle of the night like a child, and curl up between Rosaline and Lori. Then when Teag had to stay in-patient at the rehab for her mental state, I'd usually force Jess to sleep with me.

 

[Memster101]

I smoothed Mir's hair down gently, trying to shush her. "Okay, okay. I'll sleep with you," I murmured, giving her thigh a loving squeeze. "Relax, love." A sigh left me as I took another bite of sandwich, increasingly loosing interest in the sandwich. I wondered how Mir would handle Jean Bean once they were born. I don't think I'd be too thrilled with co-sleeping, I would always be scared of rolling over on the kid in my sleep. Plus....mood spoiler much? Hopefully she could deal with just having the crib in our room or something... Leaning over, I kissed her cheek once again.