Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Memster101]

(( I'm sorry to hear you had them v.v I hope you don't have too bad of nightmares now! And yay! Long live the com-pooper! What was wrong with it??))


I managed to smile at Jess' comment, unable to help from thinking that she loved this 'tiny ass.' I made sure she got inside safely before making the short jounry back home. It was made long by the cold air and my now hyper awareness to all the horrors that could happen to a girl all out on her lonesome, but I made it home safely. Half frozen to death, but safely. With practiced ease I slipped back into the house, kicking my shoes off, and headed to the bathroom to inspect Jess' handy work. Much to my relief, she had managed to leave my skin unmarked, or if she had, it blended in with the ones Mir had left.


Hesitantly I made my way back to my room, once again silently opening my door and slipping inside. A frown touched my lips when I saw my bed vacant and wondered where Mir had gone, before laying eyes on her in the corner. My heart broke a little seeing her lay limp like that, with the marks on her wrists. Thankfully though, it seemed the attacks had forced her into an almost coma like state, allowing me to attempt to move her on the bed. I was still horribly light headed and fairly weak from how little food I'd consumed, but somehow I managed to pick Mir up and move her over.


Once she was on the bed, I gently tucked her in and sat down on the floor, unsure if she would react well to me being in bed with her. I did find her hand in the darkness though, resting my head on the edge of the bed and intertwining our fingers together.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Only occasionally, but for the most part I'm good these days. ^-^


And the dude's not positive? It was just majorly screwed up... The dude honestly had no clue what exactly was wrong with it, but ended up putting in a new hard drive, more memory, a new OS, and putting everything back to factory settings for me. So it actually works now, for everything!))


I don't wake up until several hours later, and to say I feel disoriented would be an understatement. To say I feel as hungover as the night I got drunk for the first night would be an understatement. To say I got runover by a truck then dumped in a vat of boiling acid? Yeah... That about sums it up. As I toss and turn for just a moment to try and find a comfortable position, I suddenly remember everything from last night.


And to say I feel like a total bitch? Yeah... You guessed it.. A massive understatement. I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I look around and don't see Teag, knowing that she'd just left me last night... I mean, I told her to. I was a complete and total bitch, and I drove my girlfriend away. "I'm sorry," I whimper to nothing but the air, "I'm so sorry.."


In truth, I don't want Teagan to leave me for Jess... Ever. I don't care how much she hurts me because I probably bring it on myself, anyway, but... I still don't like it. I just wish that she were here so I could apologize, tell her how much I love her, and just... I don't want to lose her. I'll do whatever it takes, even if that means going so far as to set her and Jess up. I don't care. I just can not lose my Teagan. I couldn't get through all this on my own...

 

[Memster101]

(( For weird! Well I'm glad it's all good now Broken computers are no fun ><))


I stirred some when I heard Mir shifting and murmuring to herself. During what little time there'd be between me getting home and now, I'd slipped down onto the floor and was curled there. A sleepy sneeze left me and vaguely I was aware I'd probably gotten sick from spending so much time outside last night. Curling up tighter, I reached up with one shaky hand, slapping around on the bed for a few moments before finally finding the blanket Mir had kicked off. Another sleepy sneeze escaped me and I tugged the blanket off the bed, curling under its entirety. Perusual, I was freezing and wanted to hide from the face of today.


The want to sink into the floor and disappear hit me even more when I recalled last night, our disagreement or whatever you wanted to call it. I felt awful and didn't want to confront the issues that were building up between Mir and I. Already I could feel sleep tugging me into its embrace and I followed it willingly, starting to doze some as I shivered.

 

[Zotohxan]

((No, they most definitely are not. x3))


When I felt a hand hit the bed I'd let out a silent scream of terror, as I was far too immersed in my self-loathing thoughts and it'd scared me too much to even vocally scream. Slowly I move to glance over the edge of the bed, my eyes going wide as I spot my girlfriend, curled up, looking paler than usual. I quickly make my way off the bed and crouch down beside her, gently pulling at her shoulders to try and pick her up without waking her- well... At least the latter seemed to be successful.


After several minutes of trying and failing to pick my Teag up and get her on the bed, I finally just let out a huff and shake her shoulder, "Teag..." I whisper, hoping she wouldn't be royally pissed at me when she actually does get up. I'd totally understand if she is, though... "You.. Need to get up. Get on the bed, you're only going to get more and more ill down here." As she still doesn't seem to be waking, I start shaking her a bit harder, "Seriously, Teag! I don't want you waking up with a back ache!"

 

[Memster101]

((We have a PC that won't connect to the internet for some reason that needs to be fixed >< Updated would be nice too >> It's whatever Windows was before 7, XP i think? I have no clue e.e But it should be fixed cause gaming on a laptop without a mouse is hard! Do you game much??))


"More than my back will be aching if you keep that up," I mumbled groggily as Mir shook me, squinting through my bangs and lashes at her. Sleep is suppose to make you feel better, or so everyone says, but currently I had a raging migraine and everything ached. And I was hungry. Not really making and effort to fully stand, I made my way into the bed and curled into a sick, grumpy, and tired ball. If things had been normal, Mir would be teasing me about being a grump all while fretting over me. But once again I was made aware that things weren't normal. Things weren't okay. I held back a groan as I buried my face into the bed, pulling the blankets over my head.


I knew we needed to talk about last night but I had no motivation to...all I wanted to do was sleep the day away and let Mir figure out what she needed to do by herself. It was a bitch move...but I hated confrontation and we usually got no where when we fought because of how passive we were, or with how annoyed I'd get at how self-pitying she was. Some how things manage to work themselves out but it hadn't really ever been as tense of a situation as this. I didn't want to think or even try to pry at the problem.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, I have no clue either.. But I hope you can get it fixed soon! ;w;


And I don't at all, actually.. Unless Sims counts. >.> My brother didn't really let me play his games growing up, so I never got the chance to get into them. x3))


I couldn't help but flinch back when Teag snapped at me, and I take several steps back, my head down. "I'm sorry.." I whimper, then quickly gather up the clothes I'd shed to sleep in started to head out of my girlfriend's bedroom, then downstairs. I'd made sure to grab my phone off the floor as well, so maybe I could call someone to- wait... I don't know anyone. My parents want me molested and would probably be happy if I died, so...They're out of the question.


I have no where to go, and no one to ask for help... Except Teag.


And it's with that thought that I drop to the ground at the bottom of her stairs, thankful her parents would be gone to work already as I bring my knees to my chest and hide my face against them, sobbing to myself. If I weren't so scared I'd just leave and walk somewhere; a cafe or something, until Rosaline and Lori are off work. But unfortunately, that's not an option. Someone got me right at the corner of Teag's road before, what's to stop them from doing it again?

 

[Memster101]

(( Me too >< And oh my god I was obsessed with Sims! I use to make my crushes and I and have us have a family and stuff x3 I think my favorite Sims game is either castaway or Medieval :3 ))


I sighed when I heard Mir get up and leave down the stairs looked up at the ceiling warily. When I didn't hear the door shut behind her though, I frowned. Part of me wanted her to leave so we could avoid this even longer. After a few minutes of convincing myself to stay in bed, I pushed myself out of it, wrapping the blanket around me tightly. Why couldn't she have just fallen asleep by the time I'd gotten home last night? This whole stupid situation would have never happened. Sniffling against another sneeze, I shuffled out of my room and made my way down part of the stair case before sitting down a few steps away from Mir.


"Why are you crying?" I asked, my voice somewhat flat and lifeless. It hurt to know i'd upset her, but it took so much effort to care...effort that I didn't have in me. I leaned my forehead against my knees, wrapping my cold hands around my feet as I waited for her answer. I didn't know what to say, what to do. All I really wanted to do was turn back around and go back to sleep.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, I never played any of those x3 My sister used to have the first one, then I got the second as a hand-me-down from her, then the third as a birthday present. x'D I never played any of the extension games, but I've always wanted to. owo))


I stiffened when I heard Teag's voice, then turned a bit in my spot. When I see her position, and really hear the way she'd spoken, I know she just doesn't care... And I don't blame her at all. "Nothing." I say quickly, wiping away the tears and forcing a smile to my face even though it doesn't come even close to touching my eyes. "You can go back to bed. I'll.. Just make breakfast or something." I quickly stand and start walking toward the kitchen, "Do you want me to wake you up when it's done? Or.. Just make you something fresh when you wake up?"


Like we normally do, I've decided it'd probably be best to just ignore everything that happened... Of course I'll apologize again for acting the way I did, but we don't need to get into it all. I was just being insensitive toward how hard all this is on Teag, and so I deserve all the hatred she may feel toward me right now. "It's gonna be eggs, bacon, and toast? Unless you want something else? I.. I can make you something else, if you'd prefer."


Though, normally... I'm not crying through my words as I rummage around the fridge and cabinets. Normally, my hands aren't trembling. Normally, I don't want to scream, cry, and hit something all at the same time. But how I normally feel doesn't really matter now. Because I just need to suck it up and move on. Teag has been so good to me lately, well... Always really. And right now I just need to think of her.

 

[Memster101]

(( I don't think I ever played the first one, but I'd watch my cousins play it. I own the second and third one and a mix of both PC and PlayStation 2 games :3 And they're really cool! The Medieval one is really cool. You can be a lot of different characters like an assassin, warlock/sorceress, queen/king, nurses, knights, a few other things if I remember right :3 And they all have they're separate duties and you go on quests and stuff ^^ ))


I felt annoyance prick up at her response but honestly expected nothing different. It was usually how things played out. When referring to what I wanted for breakfast, I shook my head, but didn't actually look up to see if Mir had seen my response. She moved into the kitchen to start making something and I listened to the sounds, contemplating on going back to bed as she suggested. It was horribly tempting. Maybe even lock the door when I got up there. A sneeze left me and I winced at the throbbing it left in my head and pressed my fingers into the sides of my feet.


I wished for once she'd blow up at me, it wasn't like I didn't deserve it. The only times she really ever made a front at me was when it came to things like smoking and eating, but that was different. At least it would give me some reason to feel annoyed with her and to be sad and mopey. I leaned against the railing some as I continued to listen to the sounds, knowing it wouldn't do much good to pursue her into the kitchen.

 

[Zotohxan]

((That sounds awesome. owo I'll have to try and find it x'D))


When I don't hear Teag answer me about breakfast I just peek out to her, let out a deep sigh, then walk over. "Teagan, please... Either talk to me, or tell me to get out.. I-I can't handle this..." I had originally intended to only tell her to go back to bed again, but once I got to her, I just couldn't stop myself from saying it. But it's true... I can't handle the way all of this is making me feel. So worthless and stupid, even though I know I have every right to be absolutely pissed at her. I have every right to scream my head off until I have no breath, to dump her for cheating on me time after time... But I can't. I won't.


"I need to know what you're thinking, I... I'm sorry for being a bitch last night, it's just.. All of this is getting to me... The nightmares, the attacks, the fact I might be pregnant... It's hard to think of much else.. I-I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you properly, and that I've been a total shit for a girlfriend... But please... Don't just block me out. Yell at me if you must, but... Just talk to me."

 

[Memster101]

(( It really is! I got one of my ex's and her brother hooked on it and had to let them borrow my copy a few times xD ))


I sighed as Mir once again started to take the blame on herself. "You don't need to be there for me, especially now. You need to worry about yourself and yourself alone. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. And If anyone should be yelling, it's you." I drew the blanket around me tighter and tried to bury myself deeper between my knees. Shivering, I made myself smaller and curled my toes, trying not to "block her out." Unfortunately, that was my defense mechanism in situations like this.


"You can't help how you're reacting to all of this. It's natural to not be able to handle it. So don't start blaming all of this on that." Quietly, I sneezed again and rubbed some at my nose, wondering if she would just leave, start crying again, or start throwing herself another one of those pity parties I really hated. Maybe all three. It wouldn't exactly be the first time.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Oh gosh xD That's great. x3))


Instead of how I'd normally handle something like this, I get angry at Teag's words. I reach forward and smack her arm, "I'm not stupid, ya know." I mutter, then look at her with tears in my eyes.... Okay, maybe I'm handling it a bit like I normally do. "I know you can't handle yourself, Teagan. You can't take care of yourself. That's why you went off to get high last night, it's why you snuck away from me instead of actually telling me that you were leaving! It's why you won't eat, why you think about cutting or taking pills... It's the reason you're sat there sick right now!"


I reach up and run a hand through my hair, "And you know what? It is natural for me to be completely unable to handle all this.. It's natural for me to want to die, but I'm trying not to! I'm trying to be strong, but... It's just hard as hell. And I want to be selfish and make you stay here with me all the time, because I don't have anyone else! I don't have family or friends, you're the only one I can trust, talk to, or count on for anything... But I know I can't just keep being selfish like that, because you're not handling this very well, either! No offense, but.. Really. Look at yourself.." I shake my head, dropping to the floor again as the tears start to get harder.


"Someone raped me, Teagan... Someone pulled me off the street and hurt me in a way no one should ever be hurt... Left me scared of everything and scarred even where eyes can't see. I'm always scared... I'm terrified of anyone touching me, even you, and I'm about to have to go live with strangers for who knows how long... And in the end, I might have a reminder of this for the rest of my life! If I'm pregnant, then I'm never going to stop remembering... Because every single time I look at that baby, I'll have to remember where it came from. And even though I know I'll love it because it's a piece of me as well, it'll still be painful.


I'm trying to get through the mere idea of all that... And you know what else hurts like hell? The fact that you go off with Jess when things get tough, instead of talking to me... You go get high, get drunk, whatever... Sometimes you have sex with her, but do you even think about what that'd do to me?!" I look up at her desperately, physically unable to make the words stop flowing out. "I have to deal with the fact that the only person I'm able to trust, goes out and betrays me by cheating on me, on a semi-regular basis... Just whenever you feel like it, for all I know, you're off screwing Jess! And I know you don't do it to hurt me, but that doesn't make the sting any less... Because you have her, while I have no one but you... So if I fuck this up, I have no one.


I know you get annoyed with me always blaming things on myself, but that's because I have to! Growing up, nothing was ever my parents' fault... It was always mine. And if I said otherwise I got punished. And now? If something's not my fault, if it's yours, if you do something that hurts me, I have to take the blame. Because if not I may say something stupid, much like probably everything I'm saying right now, and you'll leave me. And I can't handle being alone, Teag... I really can't. Not to mention the fact that I love you more than I ever thought was even possible, and if we were to end over something petty like my feelings being crushed? I'd never be able to forgive myself...


Because before you, how I felt meant nothing to anyone. And I'm used to that."


I take in a deep breath, trying to calm myself but I'm still trembling horribly and tears are just merciless going down my face. "So, please... For once in our lives, in this relationship... Can we please just let out what the fuck we're feeling and try to actually work through this? Because I don't want to lose you over us being too stubborn or afraid to talk... And that's where this is heading. And it scares the shit out of me..."

 

[Memster101]

(( Yeahh >> Also, sorry if my replies are kinda lack-luster, it hasn't been too good of a day :/ ))


I blinked some when Mir hit me, flinching back and away from her before peering out some from my hiding place. As usual, I stayed quiet while she spoke, watching her start to break down all over again. Of course I knew this was how she felt, it was surprising to hear her go off on me like this but not necessarily in a bad way. It was refreshing to be yelled at by her, to have her stand up for herself for once. Drawing my legs in closer, I waited for her to finish her rant, sitting again in silence when she did. I still wasn't sure to say, how I felt, about the whole situation. I didn't know how to respond to her plea and I turned my face back against my knees in contemplation.


"I don't know what to say," I murmured, shrugging some and started to rub at my legs for warmth. "I'm sorry and I wish I could help with some of that, but this is your own battle. I can't fight it for you. I can try and help you, but..." Again I shrugged. "I don't know. I've got Jess to back off some, if that's any consolation." Sneezing again, I resumed my shivering and drew my blanket over my head against the light. "Maybe if we got you into some therapy or something, get you to talk to people who understand what you're going through."

 

[Zotohxan]

((No, you're fine. I hope your day gets better ;-; ))


I sniffle and nod slowly, trying to stop the tears but they just keep coming. I then shakily move up the stairs and wrap my arms around Teagan, "Do you still love me?" I ask, the fear evident in my voice. I hope she says yes...But then again, a horrible part of me almost hopes she says no. Because I don't want to love her anymore, and it'd be the perfect opportunity for me to try and get over the one and only love of my life... But at the same time, I know I'll be crushed.


I can't even fathom what I'm supposed to think at the moment... I just want to curl up and sleep, but I know it wouldn't do me any good. I have to try and work myself through this. Like Teag said, this is my battle. But she can't help me through it. Even with my girlfriend by my side, I'm completely alone through all this, and it terrifies me to no end.


((Sorry for my replies as well, I'm braindead after little sleep >.>))

 

[Memster101]

(( Thanks. And awe Just the usual waking up a lot or? You're good though ))


I started some when Mir came up and hugged me, but leaned into her some all the same. "Of course I still love you," I replied, sighing some. I turned my head enough so I could press my lips to her temple, just sitting there for a moment. "Do you love me?" I knew the answer but wished she'd say no...it would be easier for both her and I. Maybe if we could go about this as friends, not have to worry about the partner aspect... I was no good for her either. All I did was cheat and lie to her it seemed.


That therapy idea stuck out to me and it was something I'd bring up to Lori and Rosaline when we saw them today. Therapy had done no good for me, but that was my own fault. I hadn't wanted it to work. Hopefully it would help Mir...Maybe she could make some friends and that would help with us needing time from each other...

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah, that and nightmares. Nothing horrible, just random shit that decided to scare me. ))


"I don't want to..." I admit, hanging my head as to show how ashamed I am of that statement. "But I do... I always will.." I sniffle and lean against Teag before moving to stand up, "I'm going to make breakfast... And... When we talk to Rosaline and Lori today, I will ask them about moving in sooner... I think you need some time away from me." No matter how much that statement as well kills me, I know it's true. If nothing else, last night proved that to me.


I walk into the kitchen and get out everything I need to make eggs and bacon, then pull out the bread for toast. I try to keep my tears inside but it just won't work, and I end up sobbing over everything that's happened as I make us breakfast, knowing there's no way I'd be able to eat after all this. But I'd make Teag... Not only is she going into a relapse, but she's sick now... So she especially needs food.

 

[Memster101]

(( I'm sorry >< Have you watched anything scary or such lately??))


Maybe with the new found space and possible new friends...Mir would be able to move on from me. Not that I wanted her two, but I knew it was probably for the best. I curled back up when she left me, finding my phone to text Jess. Nothing in particular was said between us, just me asking if she got to a hotel alright and if Michael had done anything. She confirmed that was safe and he hadn't, pretty much leaving her alone for the time being. I didn't want to know what would happen when she got home though...


When I heard Mir's banging around in the kitchen start to come to an end, I knew that breakfast was ready. I was hungry, but had no intentions of eating. I deserved to feel like shit for making everything so hard on Mir. Some how i managed to push myself off the stairs and shuffled into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table. Again my phone was pulled out and I started to play some game, waiting for Mir to get what she wanted and to come sit and eat.

 

[Zotohxan]

((No, it just happens. ))


When I notice Teag come into the kitchen I quickly sniffle back my tears and force them to stop. I then make up two plates and wordlessly put one in front of her, then fill two glasses with orange juice and put one in front of her, then one in front of myself along with my plate. "You're eating or I'm not." I say definitely. I won't let her get back into this relapse... "You're eating first." At this point, as bad as it is, I don't even care if I'm pregnant or not... If Teagan doesn't eat, I won't either. That's the only way I can really see her eating without too much complaint.

 

[Memster101]

((Ahhh, I can understand that >< ))


I rose a brow at Mir in annoyance at the demand, rolling my eyes some. Pushing the food around the plate with the silverware, I continued to flick through the game. After a few minutes, I picked some at the eggs, figuring that was the easiest thing on my stomach. "I can't eat that much so you might as well start eating now." This was the truth, considering my episode at the cafe yesterday, I wasn't sure I wouldn't be spending the better part of the morning with my head down the toilet even from this.


I managed to finish off my eggs before the wary gurgling of my stomach started up and put my fork down, turning back to my phone as an outlet. Another sneeze left me and I drew the blanket tighter around myself again, sniffling some.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah ;w; How about you? How'd you sleep?))


I started eating with Teag told me to, but for some reason I wasn't really happy with the way she'd snapped at me... I may not have the right to think this, but I don't think she has any right to be talking to me that way. I should be the one who's mad and showing it, not her. Especially while I'm still putting myself on the back burner in order to care for her and make sure she's okay... But maybe I just don't have the right to think like that... I mean, she's going through stuff too.


I let out a sigh, but when I hear her sneeze again I get up wordlessly and go to the cabinet where I know they keep the medicine. I grab out the cold pills and pour out two, then put the bottle back and go to the kitchen. I hold my hand in front of Teag with the pills in it, "Take these, then go to bed.I'll wake you up later with hot chocolate and more pills." My voice was dull, sounding the least like me I ever have. And I feel the least like me as well... I just feel numb almost, like I don't deserve to feel anything except the aching pain in my chest. I don't like it, but... It's better than having breakdown after breakdown, right?

 

[Memster101]

(( Uhmm, hm >< I think the usual? I think half of my sleeping problem is is a I nap so much throughout the day >< That's why I disappeared >> ))


When Mir stood up and got the pills, I looked from my phone, frowning some. Under any other circumstance, having a bottle of pills shoved at me would have caused me no qaums, but now I shook my head, gently pushing them aside. "I'll be fine. And no, I can do that later. We still need to go get your stuff from your house," I murmured, rubbing at my face tiredly. Some parts of her leaving earlier wouldn't be too great for me- all I'd do is probably sleep all day, things of that nature. Hopefully Lori and Rosaline would keep her on her toes with things to do.


"I'll clean up if you're done...Why don't you go ahead and shower?" I stood up, taking my own plate to the sink. Thankfully, aside from my plate, there weren't really any left overs to put in the fridge. I scooped what was left of mine down the drain, washing the plate some as I did so. I wasn't mad with Mir...just ornery with everything and being sick didn't help. There just wasn't enough energy left in me to try and apologize at the moment though

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, yeah... That could definitely have something to do with it. ;w; Have you ever tried taking melatonin? It never helped me crazily, but it works for a couple of my friends to help them sleep!))


I lower my head and nod, placing the pills on the table before turning around, "We don't have to get anything yet... I can just wait and ask Rosaline and Lori to take me. It'll just be my clothes and our album, anyway." I shrug a bit then start heading upstairs. I didn't want Teag to have to worry about taking me to get my stuff, and in all honesty, I didn't really want to go back there anyway... Not yet, that is. I know I'll have to eventually, but oh well. Besides, Teag doesn't exactly seem that happy to be even around me right now. Maybe I will just take my chances and go out on a walk or something... She doesn't want me here, and I don't want to anger her. Seems like it'd be a win-win for everyone, so long as there's no one waiting for me again.


I let out a deep breath and go into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me but I don't bother locking it. I start to strip after turning on the water and wait for it to warm up, then step in and flinch as it touches the bruises and healing cuts around my body. I suck in a sharp breath as the soap does the same, though emotionally I still feel totally numb aside from the ache in my chest.

 

[Memster101]

(( I haven't ever tried melatonin but I've tried trazadon >> I just am worried I won't wake up in time to catch the bus/train for school cause I'd have to get up so early >< ))


I nodded some as she spoke, figuring it'd be easier on them if we went before. But she'd probably feel safer with Rosaline and Lori anyways, they hadn't done anything to betray her. I finished cleaning up the dishes from breakfast and headed back onto the stairs, listening to the sounds of the shower. We didn't always shower together, but knowing the fact if I tried to go in there now would only upset Mir hurt. It was strange putting up boundaries with her again, something we'd pretty much stopped doing a long time ago.


I dozed some as I waited for her to finish up her shower, thinking back to the view of the city from last night or about Michael. It wasn't even that he was in Jess' home, but the mere fact he was in town that bothered me really. Things always seemed to go awry when he visited, just like now. There was no real reason for me to try and connect him to Mir's attack...but it wouldn't have surprised me to think he'd have something to do with it. Maybe one of his friends or something. Or even the guys from school...

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, I understand.. You can always try it one night when you haven't got class or work the next morning? Just to see how it works for you.. I know when I took it it didn't force me to sleep, just helped me stay asleep, really.. But then my body got immune to it x'D))


Once I was through with my shower I dried myself off some and wrapped a towel around my body, then left the bathroom to go and get some clothes from Teag's closet. I frown when I see her, then walk over and sit beside her, my arm going around her shoulders. "I'm sorry for everything that's happening... I know it's not all my fault, but some of it is. I'm trying to be okay through all this and be a good girlfriend to you, but... I just feel so broken inside. Everything is difficult..."


I wasn't sure why exactly I was suddenly admitting that to my Teag, but it just felt right to... I don't like the distance between us, and it hurts even more to know that it'll only be increasing. "I love you. And I always will, but... Right now it's just hard to love or even like anything, and I don't know how to handle everything going on inside me. But.." I take in a deep breath, loathing myself as I know exactly what's about to come out of my mouth. "If you're tired of this... If you can't do it.. Just say the word, and we'll be over."

 

[Memster101]

(( Yeaah, that's what I'm thinking >> I'm usually pretty good at forcing myself to wake up by a certain time, even if I only went to bed a few hours previous xD But I've never tried while being under something >> And that sucks! Are you on anything new or?))


I started out of my doze when Mir wrapped an arm around me, rubbing at my eyes groggily. I kept my eyes on the floor, not really wanting to show her any emotion that may leak through my mask. "And I respect you feel all of that. Again, it's natural." A sigh left me as she brought up breaking up and was slightly angry with myself that I wasn't outraged by it. I shook my head some, adjusting the blanket a little more. "No...I don't think we need to do that yet...Maybe some time apart will do us good."


It wouldn't fix all of our problems, or probably any of them if I'm being realistic, but it couldn't hurt to try. Whatever was better than what we were doing now. "Do you want me to come with you to Rosaline's and Lori's?" I asked quietly, holding my feet some as I curled up. I wouldn't have blamed her if she said no and honestly sort of expected her to. Make some excuse up to why I couldn't come with or something. Sighing, I nuzzled some at my knee, wanting to hide again.