Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Memster101]

(( You're so little So you graduated really early! And cool xD Also, am I crazy? It's Jess' not Jess's, right? ))


Jess' lips against mine managed to muffle my little scream of surprise and it took me a second to pull our lips away. I swallowed some as she spoke, knowing my cheeks had turned bright red and not only from the frigid air. "We're keeping the fun to PG-13...and why were you hiding? Weren't you freezing?" I asked. Somehow I managed to worm my way out of Jess' arms and followed her to her car which was parked down the street some, out of sight from my house. I was freezing already, but the bite of the air was refreshing and sobering in a sense, making the horrors of the day seem less real and the night more... now.





Things always seemed to feel like that with Jess. We always were in the now, never worrying about the future. Everything was so...real between us despite all the partying, sexual advances, and things of the type. Hopefully tonight I'd be able to avoid her advances long enough that we could have a real talk between us. I really did need someone who wasn't involved with the Mir situation to talk to...

 

[Zotohxan]

(( xD Only a year. My friends will be graduating in 2016


And shit... You're right... Maybe I shouldn't have graduated early. >w>))


The moment Jess and Teagan are both in the car, the older of the two moves across the center console and straddles Teagan's lap. "I wanted to surprise you silly, isn't that obvious?" She bites her bottom lip then pulls out a baggie of little green leaves. There were about five joints already rolled up inside, but she didn't seem too much in the mood to give without receiving. "Now.. If I give you one of these, how'll you pay me?"


Jess grins mischievously, moving to lean against Teagan so their chests were pressed flush together and their noses touching as well. "I've missed you these past couple days, baby." She purrs out the words, then leans forward a bit more and places a brief kiss to Teagan's cheek. "Besides, my guy gave me some trouble getting this. I think I deserve some reward from you, right?'

 

[Memster101]

(( I wished I had graduated earlier! Maybe it would have been a better last year for me if I had >> And it's all good, I'm an english freak xD ))


Despite how badly I was flushing, I leaned back against the chair some, rubbing at the bridge of my nose. "Can we work something out some other time? I really don't feel like dealing with this type of stuff right now..." I replied, reaching down with my free hand. I found the back seat adjuster, pulling it some so it brought some space between her and I, even though I was now leaned back. I knew this car like the back of my hand, as well as that motion, but for different reasons. "It's been a really stupid couple of days and all I want to do is get high and not have to deal with it for a while."


I hated how using that sounded, but it was the truth. And it wasn't like Jess wasn't doing the same. Propping myself up on my elbows some so I was slightly elevated, I looked up at her pleading, my grey eyes stormy and sad. "Please? It'll just be like old times where we just hang out and catch up..."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Eh, I usually am.. I'm just tired as hell and have a headache ))


Jess lets out a deep sigh and nods, moving carefully as to not hurt Teagan as she gets back into her own seat. "What's up, buttercup?" She asks, pulling out one of the joints as well as a lighter from the cup holder. She lights it up and takes a couple puffs to keep it going, then hands it over to Teagan. "Girlfriend finally flip a switch and show ya how crazy she is?" She smirks, running a hand through her hair.


For no reason other than she wants Teagan, Jess has always despised me.. Done whatever she could to get me out of the picture. Tried turning Teag against me, tried stealing her away, whatever she could.

 

[Memster101]

(( Oh no >< Does anything help with them or do you just have to wait them out?))


I relaxed deeply when Jess finally climbed off of me and thankfully took the joint from her, taking a few deep puffs on it. "No..uh..she was.." I sighed some, pushing a hand through my own hair and kicking my feet up onto the dash. "She was raped last week...That's why she was ignoring me. She thought I'd hate her or something like like..." The familiar feeling of my..being settling hit me and I sunk back in the seat. "We went to the police and hospital today...God that was awful..."


I handed the joint over to her now, simultaneously pulling the keys out of her pocket and starting the car. After making sure all the lights were off, I amp the heat up, shivering lightly. "Then some assholes at school tried to attack her and she's having panic attacks every five minutes...I don't even want to think about if she's pregnant..."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Just gotta wait it out. Which means my replies and such will probably be shorter, so.. I'm sorry ;w; ))


Jess stiffens with the joint at her lips at this information. "Fuck..." She mumbles, taking a deep drag a few moments later. When she hands it back to Teag she just shakes her head, "How the fuck does something like that even happen to a girl like her?!" Despite hating me for dating Teag, Jess isn't a monster.. And she knows who I am, how I am. She knows I'd never hurt a fly, and assumes I'd never defend myself against an attacker either.. An assumption she'd be 100% correct on.


"I'm sorry, babe... Do you wanna talk about it? Like.. About what's going on or whatever?" She didn't really know what would help right now, but she wanted to do something... Hell, she'd even be willing to do something to help Teagan's girlfriend if it meant Teagan would get a bit of relief out of it as well.

 

[Memster101]

(( You're okay. I hope it gets better soon >< Do you have an dayquil or something to that effect?))


"That's what I keep asking myself. How can girls like us go about all the things we do, yet she's the one who gets raped?" I tucked an arm behind my head, taking a heavy drag. "I really don't even know what to say about it all...I guess right now my biggest worries are dealing with the guys at school and her being pregnant. I took care of the guys at the moment, but I'm sure it's not a concrete fix. If Mir goes back to school, they'll probably come at her again. Or me, but I'm sure I can handle them..." I handed the joint back to Jess, sighing some. "As for the pregnancy... we wont know for a few weeks most likely. Until Mir starts showing signs or a test comes back positive."


I rubbed at my eyes angrily, hating the prick of tears I felt there. "I just don't know if I can get her through this...She needs me and I'm still not all they way there for myself. I can't handle this...but I can't leave her either..." Giving one good sniff, I locked my emotions back down and tried to focus on that floating but settled feeling that had came over me.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Thanks. -w- And no, my Mom doesn't buy things like that. xD I'll just go to be early tonight and all will be well~))


Jess takes in a deep breath, then a deep inhale off the joint, and hands it back to Teagan. "Babe, ya know... And I'm not just saying this just 'cause I want you... You don't have to be there like that for her. I mean, she's a big girl. She's got her own family, she doesn't have to leech off you for everything. I know that sounds harsh, but it's just the way it is... Like you said, you don't even totally have yourself, so.. It's pretty unfair for you to have to give up what you do have, for her.


You're her girlfriend, babe. Not her Mom. Relationships are about give and take, and it seems like right now all she'll be doing is taking from you. I'm not saying you've gotta totally abandon her, but just let her know you need some space. Take her back home in the morning, don't hang around her every day.. Take sometime for yourself too, ya know?"

 

[Memster101]

(( That's as good of a plan as any xD It's probably what I'd do >> ))


"But she doesn't have a family, not really. They pretty much blamed her for the rape, went all postal when they came in the station. They're going to have their custody taken away and she's going to go live with the cops that took the case... She's literally going to be all alone really. And I have to be there for her...if she could put up with all my shit when we first got together, I should be able to put up with what she's going through. I don't know...maybe when she gets into some therapy...things will be better." Again I took a hit, but kept it for a few more, then handed it back. Unfortunately for people of Jess' and I's tolerance, it took us a bit to get high.


"She just keeps talking about how she's so glad I'm there for her and how she can't do it by herself. I don't want to disappoint her. What if she gets..like my kind of bad if I distance myself?" I passed the joint back over, feeling the annoying prick again in my eyes.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah. ^-^ I'll be going soon, probably.. If I could actually get to sleep.. I've just been laying on my phone the past several hours trying to get some sort of sleep, but since it wouldn't happen I just RPed..


Sorry for taking so long to reply, I didn't want to think I was then find out several days later it didn't go through x.x But I'm back on my computer for a bit x3))


Jess lets out a deep sigh as she takes the joint and takes yet another deep drag. "Teag, she's gotta learn to hold her own self up. And you said she's gonna be living with cops? Hell, even if she does get your kind of bad they'll get her help instantly to fix 'er right up. You don't have to be right by her side all the time. She's a big girl, and some times big girls gotta go through big things. She'll have to learn that you can't always be right beside her. You've gotta think of yourself too, Teagan."


She looks firmly at her friend, taking another hit before handing the 3/4 done blunt back. "I care about you, more than just for sex... You're my friend, and I really don't want to watch you ruin yourself for a girl who ignored you and left you broken down for a fucking week over her petty fears!"

 

[Memster101]

(( You're all good I fell asleep pretty early so I missed your reply >> ))


I sighed, knowing on some level what Jess said was true. What if she wasn't strong enough to get through this all? Hell, I wasn't and not only can I usually handle a lot more shit than Mir, I really had no reason to be the way I was. "I know," I murmured after a few moments of silence, taking one last hard hit before handing it back to Jess. "God dammit I know..." I rubbed at my eyes once again, pressing the heels of my hands against my eyes until I saw stars. After letting the little firework show behind my eyes go on for a few moments, I dropped my hands and checked my phone. No text from Mir. That could either be good or bad...


The familiar gnawing in my stomach started up and I frowned, wrapping an arm over it. Like most people, whenever I got high I got major munchies and in me...it was really conflicting. "I dunno...What's going on with you lately?" I wasn't sure what else to say on the Mir subject, not sure I wanted to say anything else, and figured changing subjects was the best course of action.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Haha, it's cool. x3 Hope you slept well~ ^-^))


Jess just takes in a deep breath and looks sadly over at Teagan. It's almost strange to her how badly she wants to make Teagan happy... "Not much for me... Micheal came back," Micheal is Jess' older brother. Her older, abusive brother. When she was a child Micheal would come into her room at night and force her to do whatever he wanted, and she was too afraid to tell. But once she got older she learned some self defense, and beat him so bad he was in the hospital when she was sixteen. Now at twenty-two he still comes by sometimes, but they don't really acknowledge each other. Their parents died when she was ten, he was eighteen. So for those years until she was eighteen as well, he had custody of her.


"Said he settled all his debts, told me I could stop dealing if I wanted..." The whole reason she'd gotten into dealing drugs was to help him out of his debts from buying them. If not for that, she never would've touched the things. "Apologized for what he did when I was a kid, thanked me for everything I'd done..." Despite acting like a monster to her, Jess has always loved her brother.. So whenever he'd come home beaten and bloody from a fight, she'd tend to his wounds and look after him until he was well again.


"Took me up to Mom and Dad's graves, actually. Haven't been there since they died since it's so far out." Micheal had moved them three states away when their parents died. He'd claimed at the time it was to help them heal, but.. She knew better. He had better connections here. "It was just a day trip, but.. It was still nice to see them again."


She seems to have just remembered the almost-gone joint in her hand and she quickly finishes it off, snuffing it out in the makeshift ashtray to the side. She then pulls out another and immediately lights it, but this one.. It was laced with something more to help them relax. And she needed it, if the tears in her eyes were any indication. "Here," She hands the laced joint over to Teagan. It wasn't anything she hadn't had before, so the older hadn't even thought of telling her.

 

[Memster101]

(( I slept okay How's your headache??))


I smiled slightly at the news of them making up and took a hit of the joint when Jess passed it over. "If he tries anything again...Let me know, okay?" I reached over with my free hand, taking Jess' and squeezing it gently. We had just started to become friends before she had turned 18 and when I had found out what he'd done to her...Now that I was older I might stand a chance against him, but nothing compared to what Jess could do for herself. "If you have to. you can come stay at my place or we can go rent out a motel or something." Another drag, I passed it over and set it in Jess' free hand.


"Is he staying? Or was it just another drop by?" I asked, blinking some. That relaxed feeling had increased ten-fold...Not necessarily a bad thing, but it took me by surprise. I frowned at the tears in Jess' eyes and kissed the back of her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze once more. I had only met Michael a few times and the ones I had, it had been by accident. He had never tried anything on me, usually passed out drunk or seeing Jess and I were too involved with...things, to do so. There was never enough time really. Jess probably would have killed him if he had.


I leaned forward in my seat some to peer out the window, looking at the vague shape of my house. There weren't any lights on and still no text from Mir, so she hopefully was still asleep. I just hoped it was somewhat peaceful...

 

[Zotohxan]

((Good ^-^


And it's alright. Still there, but not quite as bad as yesterday. I'm just hoping it doesn't pick up through the day. x3


How're you feeling? o: ))


Jess just shrugs, taking a long drag before speaking and handing the joint back, "He said he's staying.. At least for awhile. And I doubt he'd try anything after the beat down I gave him when I was younger. Plus, he knows I've only gotten better." She looks over at Teagan seriously, "But I don't know if I'd put it past him to come after you or Miranda... So if you see him around, call me immediately. I'll make sure he doesn't mess with you."


She glances over at the house as well, then lets out another deep sigh. "You really need to stop worrying about her. If something was wrong she'd call you or something, right?" She quirks an eyebrow.


Meanwhile, I'd woken up a few minutes prior, my heart racing and my body drenched in a cold sweat. The room was once more too dark for me to make anything out as I scream silently, curling my body up and trembling horribly. I managed to keep myself on the bed instead of falling off, but I was still terrified. No one was around me, I can't figure out where I am, and I'm still halfway in my nightmare.

 

[Memster101]

(( That's good! I hope it goes away soon ^^ And I'm doing alright >> I was suppose to go to school today but wasn't feeling it xD ))


I nodded, knowing for sure I'd do that- or call the cops. With all that had happened, I was in no mood to try and mess with Michael. I looked down at the joint as I contemplated what Jess said,sighing some. "I'm not entirely sure to be honest. Sometimes she doesn't focus on anything else aside from her panic attacks..." I took a deep drag and found myself relaxing even more. Part of me felt bitter... How many times had I been locked in the bathroom with a bottle of pills in my hand, a blade, and had to get myself through it? By myself? Why should I have to run to her side every time she has one?


I shook my head, trying to rid the negative thoughts from my mind. "So what are you going to do now that you don't have to deal anymore?" I asked, raising a brow at Jess. The joint handed back, I gave her hand one last squeeze before tucking my arm back under my head. "Are you finally going to get a real job?" I teased, offering a slight, but crooked grin.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Thank you~~ -w-


And haha xD I'm sure I'll end up doing the same thing once I get into college. ;w; ))


Jess laughs sarcastically, but playfully, then shrugs. "I don't really know how to do anything different. I mean, I you know I had to drop out of high school. I'm not smart enough to get my GED. I'll probably just keep dealing. Sure it's dangerous, but I've done it since I was seventeen. Not anything I'm not used to." She takes her hit then hands it back over to Teagan.


"Once this one's done, wanna head over to my place?" She knew it was probably selfish to take Teagan away from her house, away from Miranda, but.. She just wanted her right now. Especially with how relaxed she'd gotten, her sexual and emotional want had amplified. "I can have you back to your little girlfriend in an hour?"


My sobs are muffled against the pillow, and after maybe ten minutes of this I start forcing myself to calm down. But of course, I'm not able to make the panic go away totally, so I just get myself down enough to where I could remember where I am, and I search around urgently for my phone. When I find it I hit Teag in my speed dial and bring my trembling hand up to my ear.

 

[Memster101]

(( Yeahhh, it's really hard not to especially when your bus pass wont work for some reason and you have no money to pay for parking xD ))


I shrugged lightly at Jess' comment, smiling some.She was a lot smarter than she gave herself credit for...If she put her mind to it, she could have gotten through high school easily. I blinked at her request and shrugged, stretching a little. "Sure why not?" Being so high, I tended to be more naive than usual, and thought nothing of her request. Before she could do anything else though, my phone started to buzz away. Adjusting myself in the seat, I scrambled for the device, chewing at my lip. It was Mir...


I held a finger to my lip for Jess to be quiet, almost not wanting to answer it for a second, but pressed the answer button. "Mir?" I smoothed hand through my hair, resisting the urge to sigh. "You doing okay?"

 

[Zotohxan]

((Oh jeez ;w; I hope you can get your bus pass working soon, at least..))


Jess smiles but then stays quiet as asked when Teagan answers the phone. She could see that the younger obviously didn't want to be talking to her girlfriend, and that just solidified her want to get Teagan out of there, to take her back to her house and make her forget, well... Everything.


"I'm..." I sniffle, trying my hardest not to make myself sound quite so broken down. I don't really want to worry her.. "I woke up.. And just.. I didn't see you, so.. I just wanted to make sure y-you were alright?" I knew my voice sounded weak, probably pretty hoarse as well... I wanted to ask where she was, but I could guess. And in all honesty, I didn't really want to hear her say it. For all I know, they could already be naked and touching each other in ways I don't want to imagine. "I guess you are... I'll just.. I'll go back to sleep, and.. Hopefully see you in the morning..?" My breath was caught in my throat so I know how choked up I sound.. And for once I hope she's high enough not to notice.


I knew she needed time away from me... And I'm not about to guilt her into coming back. "Love you, b-babe..." And then I push the red button to end the call, my arm falling limp and dropping the phone to the floor as curl against myself and start sobbing again. I upset my Teag with being upset all the time, and she went to get high and have sex with Jess... I have no doubt. And no matter how many times it happens, it'll never stop hurting.

 

[Memster101]

(( Me too =/ It's really getting annoying >< ))


I rubbed at my eyes again after letting my phone drop to my lap, letting out a loud groan. Mir may not have trying to guilt me into anything, but I felt guilty all the same. I should go back, make sure she goes to bed okay. God this was all so unfair. "I should go back," I muttered, pushing a hand through my hair. A fierce headache was starting to pound away at my skull and I just wanted to go back to sleep. I curled up some around my knees, pressing my hands against my temples. After a few moments, I forced myself to sit up and move over to hug Jess. "I'm going to call it a night I guess...thank you for coming over and letting me rant." I gave her cheek a kiss before slipping out of the vehicle.


Slowly I made my way over to my house, letting the bite of the air wake me out of my high some and remove the smell of Jess and the weed. When I made it to my door, I sat there for a few seconds, resting my forehead against the wood. I didn't want to go inside...I honestly wanted to turn around and go walk. To where I didn't know nor did I care, but I didn't want to be here, and that broke my heart. I should want to be around Mir, no matter how bad she's doing...All I could hope was things would get better once we put this behind us.


After a minute or two of staring at the door, I finally unlocked it and stepped in. I took off my sweater and threw it in the laundry room, giving myself a sprits or two of perfume to kill whatever smell might be left. Once I felt sure that all would seem was I was on a walk, I headed upstairs and went into my room. "What can I do to help?" I asked softly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

 

[Zotohxan]

((I don't doubt it... Do you have any friends who could pick you up and take you in or anything?))


Hearing Teag's door open I'd let out a squeak of fear and curled myself tighter, then almost started hyperventilating when I felt the bed dip down. But when I heard her voice I started to calm down a bit. I slowly peek out of my arms and shake my head, forcing a smile onto my face. "I'm fine.. Y-You didn't have to come back." I knew my voice still sounded weak.. But in a way, I wanted her to go.


I know it was bad... Or, maybe it was good. I know it's the normal feeling when the person you love cheats on you, but I've just forced myself to never feel it.. But in this moment, I didn't want her touching me. I felt bitter about the fact she'd left me. But not just that. She didn't tell me. She left while I was sleeping, after everything that had happened. Told me earlier that she wanted to stay with me, then just left. Without a word. To go and fuck someone else. And though I know Jess was there for her when I was too scared to be, that she was there before I met her... It doesn't make it any easier. And even though I've always been able to push away the pain and act like it didn't bother me, I just didn't have the strength to do that right now.


"Go back to Jess... I'll be fine... A-And.. Tomorrow, we can just ask Rosaline and L-Lori if I can move in with them sooner.." I nuzzle myself against the mattress, trembling horribly as tears start leaking out of my eyes again. "You won't have to worry about me..." Despite how I was feeling, I still didn't want to guilt her... I love Teag with all my heart and never want her to feel anything negative, but.. I just couldn't stop the words from leaving my mouth. Maybe that'd be best.. Me moving in with them sooner. Teag won't have to sneak out, or be bothered with me anymore. She'll be happier that way, I'm sure.

 

[Memster101]

(( Not really =/ I can ask my parents, but I just hate wasting their gas. >< ))


I stared at the floor, trying to ignore the annoyance I felt building up in me. "I did need to, but okay. I'll go. Sleep well," I murmured, keeping my voice dead. I shook my head some, getting off of the bed. I wasn't in the mood to argue or even..try really. If I stayed, I'd say something I'd regret- or she would. There was no win situation for either of us really. So I left. I hurried down the stairs, rubbing angrily at my eyes as I started to cry. Jess probably left already, off to go take care of her...needs. Not that I blamed her.


I didn't bother with a jacket, too distraught to worry about it. I wanted the bite of the cool air. The door slammed behind me and I started on the walk down the street. I could understand her anger, even if she didn't show it, but it still annoyed me. Mir might have known how Jess was, but that didn't mean those types of things happened every time we hung out. Or that I actively sought out for things of a sexual nature to happen.

 

[Zotohxan]

((aah, I understand... ;-; ))


The moment I hear the door slam shut downstairs I burst into full on sobs once again. My body trembled worse than before and the tears are never ending. After about fifteen minutes I end up crying myself to sleep, regretting saying anything... I can't help that I'm hurt... I know they don't always have sex, but the fact of the matter is that they have... Many times. And yet Teag still goes to her, and puts herself in that position.That's what hurts the most... It's almost as if she doesn't care if she cheats on me, if she hurts me. Like I'm the one there to keep her from killing herself, but Jess is the one who makes her happy.. Who gives her the feelings she can't get with me. And as witnessed by Jess helping her last week, she doesn't even need me anymore...


Meanwhile outside, Jess actually had not left. She had a sneaking suspicion that Teag would be leaving the house soon enough.. So when she saw her friend heading down she turns on her headlights and drives up beside her, then rolls down her window. "Need a ride?"

 

[Memster101]

((Yeahh >< I'd bike to school but uhm, that's like 11 miles away >> ))


I started when someone drove up behind me, hands clenching into fists. For a brief moment, I wondered if Mir's fate would become my own, but relaxed when I heard Jess' voice. "Definitely." I hated proving that Mir was right, that I was running off to Jess again...but I didn't care at the moment. I hopped into the car, pulling my knees to my chest. I kept my face hidden in my knees as I cried, knowing that even if Jess had seen me cry and god knew what else a million times, but I still disliked it,


"Do you want to go to the lake?" I asked. Even though the water was freezing, I wanted to go swim in it or just go sit in the water...Something along those lines. "You don't have to swim but I want to..."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aha, yeah.. I wouldn't want to do that either. *w*))


Jess just quirks an eyebrow, "I'm not taking you to get hypothermia... You can take a cold shower at my place if you want, but babe, that shit's almost ice... Or maybe it is." She makes a very illegal U-turn and starts toward her house, not even waiting for Teagan's response.


"So.. What exactly happened?" She asks hesitantly, not wanting to pry, but... Well, yeah. She wants to pry. In a way she wants to know if it's anything she could use against me, to get Teagan as her own. But at the same time, she almost feels worried for me, as strange as this is.

 

[Memster101]

(( If I was really bored one day and wanted to wake up at like four and bike then maybe xD I've been known to do really stupid stuff like that. I got bored one day and once walked 7 miles to a store in a different city >> ))


I was thrown against the side door at the speed of her turn, mostly due to the fact I was once again without a seat belt, and winced some. "Nothing really. I walked into my room and asked her what I could do to help and she basically told me to go away back to you and that she'd be fine. She'd go early to the cops' place and that'd be that..." I rubbed angrily at my eyes and sniffled some. "I left after that. I didn't want to fight. Knowing me I'd say something stupid and make matters worse. She always assumes that we're fucking around. She didn't say it, but I could tell by the way she looked at me. And that's what made me angry... As Dad use to say, assume makes an ass out of you and me."


I watched the street fly by as Jess headed back to her house, rubbing at my eyes with the hem of Rosaline's shirt. Would they hate me for having to distance myself from Mir? They always talked about what rape did to the victim...but what about the victims' loved ones? I could feel myself literally sinking backwards through all the progress I had made...and I didn't care. I deserved to feel like shit for leaving Mir in her time of need.