Fantasy Magic candy shoppe OOC

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

Yay i am already having fun!!

 

[Veltsu VI]

and already forgotted write in third person

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

Ouch.

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

I can write back latter and in 3rd person.

 

[Veltsu VI]

ArchAngelLexi Tup has eated all candies that gives ability to make portals from other worlds to candy shop, normally those candies only give for short while ability to make portals, but as Tup eated all of them, her ability is permanent.
Lilian can still travel between her home world and shop, i would imagine that shop keeper has teached spell for do that to his employee so there wouldn't be lost of productes.

That is plan that we made with Yaboi how Tup will be needed to teens when they travel in to worlds.

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

yep we discussed this before you can read the post before this if it dose not make sense .

 

[Veltsu VI]

I will wait for shopkeeper.

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

Wait I’m shopkeeper right

 

[Veltsu VI]

Small hint: when you use with character first time in post, maybe use his/her name in first sentence instead he/she. Especially when you have two characters acting same time, and use names or adjectives when you have two characters same time. That will make clear which one speaks. Of course when other character doesn't know other's name, you use other ways to tell who is that other thinks.

 

[Veltsu VI]

Also who is shopkeeper man or woman? Like that is reason why posting just in first person and then just describe your named character is bad idea. I don't have anything how to Tup would describe person who was front of her.

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

I’m sorry I’m a bad writer I’m trying my hardest. I’ll listen to you to try to make this better and thanks for the tips and the shop keeper is a male

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

I hope I’m doing ok

 

[Veltsu VI]

Sean turned towards old shop owner, shop owner had grey hair and was in a plaid shirt and jeans with a apron, Shop owner asked what Sean wanted. Sean looked up a little worried because (I Ali) [Umm... what?] it’ll socially awkward and he was waiting for Sabrina to come in and serve as a distraction as sorts. He looked up "What's cheap here?" The older man snickered.

Old candy shop owner was confused when he asked the kid for what kid wanted, but kid just stared. Then the kid asked what was cheap he snickers and said “Well I have plenty of cheap candies that’s I change out everyday, so if you don’t like what’s in for today it will be different tomorrow. How that sound?”


If you want you can edit your text to that. Don't know why you keep calling shop as shoppe. I know that my first language isn't english, but i did research and shoppe is used in names of shops nowadays, but you have named this shop as The Charm.
It's not good idea to switch middle of passage between first and third person, i needed read while before i could recognise who was one who was meant to be front of who. There was also couple typos, that i fixed (Good thing is that you can edit your post even after posting it. I have done it myself couple times already, because i do mistakes.)
There was that one point where i just couldn't edit writing because i just didn't get what was meaned to be there. If you post this remove [Umm... what?] from there and maybe fix what's between brackets.

One good idea is after writing your post read it once or twice before posting it to be sure that it looks okay.
(Like i writed all before this and then choosed to help to point out what is my own writing outside of post that i edited by switching color of text)

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

I’m really trying

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

And shoppe is supposed to make it seam older. And all of that is in 3rd but I’ll try a little harder sorry for the typos

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

Sorry I’ll stop changing the it’s no longer the candy shoppe I’ll call it by charm ok?

 

[Veltsu VI]

It was just bit weird that teen calls candy shop as shoppe, as i said i did research and that did say that shoppe is: "A fanciful spelling of shop, chiefly used in the names of businesses to give an air of old-fashionedness." What did it weirded was that you also named candy shop The Charm. If you would have leaved shop's name as Candy shoppe then reason why it gets said again and again would have been more reasonable.

I do need ask, are you writing in dialect? Because reason why i edited supper off was because when i have learned english, it means dinner that it's eated in evening.

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

No I'm not writing in dialect I'm American. Why do you two think my writing sucks don't you understand I'm trying my hardest? I try try try and I get asked how old i am and I get critiques. Not to be rude but It's a little hurt full. And for you again ArchAngelLexi I'm 14 born February 23 2006 so no I'm not young and yes in my 14 years of living I have learned to typ. I have to go talk tomorrow.

 

[Veltsu VI]

Don't take my writing rude, as i have said my home language isn't english. Finnish has different syntax than english and i am dealing with forgotting words in both english and finnish, if you see that my writing is aggressive, don't worry it doesn't mean to be.

And be happy that you don't need to hear me speak english, i can't say R and i say words as they are written and as like letters would be said in finnish.

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

I know your not trying to be rude you actually trying to help but ArchAngelLexi saying that i sounded young by my typing then asking my age rubbed me the wrong way. sorry for taking it out on you. Also i really apricate your help. Really got to run bye.

 

[Veltsu VI]

By to way MAROON QUILLNEST , i don't know how old ArchAngelLexi is, but to me you are young, i am 28 (29 at July)

I don't mind it that you are young, only thing that it did was bring my mind how old i am...

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

Oh so your ok with me?

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

And also we might have to drop the Rp because ArchAngelLexi dropped out so sorry.

 

[Veltsu VI]

ok, i am sorry for you.

 

[MAROON QUILLNEST]

You out too now?