Fandom Into the fire (1x1 MzHyde/Gallifrog)

[_gallifrog_]

"It looks like quality craft, so it would stand to reason that all it needed was tuning and cleaning. Mind if I take a look?" He asked before adding, "I won't break it." "Yeah, I know." "And if you did, Jay would break you." Elliott added, as Rinaa passed over the guitar. It wasn't even a joke, she really would, this guitar being one of the few things she had left of her brother. "All the more reason not to damage it in any way." John agreed, inspecting the instrument carefully and from all angles. It really was a beautiful instrument, well made, and well cared for. It wasn't quite a custom guitar, but it wasn't the bog standard off the shelf kind either.

"I take it you play?" It stood to reason that Rinaa would, considering the musical tradition that ran through both Elliott and Jay, as well as John himself, and Kay. And Chas. The teenager shrugged "I dabble." And John knew there was far more to it than that. "Define dabbling."
"Accoustic, electric, bass, some ukelele if called for, though its a really annoying instrument in my opinion, bit of drums, bit of keyboard, attempted to learn violin, that don't stick, wanted to learn sax, but never quite got around to it." She counted the instruments off on her fingers. "And a bit of singing" she added quietly, almost hesitantly. "But I'm not so good at that."

 

[MzHyde]

Kay watched as John took the guitar with the warnings of what would happen if he broke it. She smirked, thinking if there was one thing he would never break it would be someone else's guitar. He loved the instruments too much, that much was evident to her. They were all too musically inclined to just be reckless with such an instrument. Her ears properly perked up though when Rinaa rattled off a bunch of instruments she played and keyboard was one of them.

"Man..you mentioning keyboard makes me miss playing the piano" she commented, knowing full well that only John would know about her piano playing abilities, and possibly Rinaa if it was known in the future. She wasn't sure if Rinaa would know such a thing or not, from not knowing if Kay still played in her future or not. "There was nothing like it at the time" she reminisced.

 

[_gallifrog_]

"So between us all, we got a band?" Chas noted. They had four guitarists, three singers at the minimum (Jay included), two drummers and two keyboard players. "That's what it seems like to me" Elliott agreed. Music really was something that connected them all it seemed. Rinaa hadn't known Kay played, it hadn't come up in her future, mainly due to the fact that she hadn't originally shared her musical ability with anybody except Jay who had been the one to teach her to play at first. Chas had found out next, through his daughter of all people. Trish had stumbled across Rinaa playing by accident. After finding this out Chas and John snuck in to watch one of her performances, to see that she did possess a genuine talent.

John handed back the guitar to the teenager, who slung the strap back over his shoulder. She had tucked one foot under her other leg and began to idly strum chords as she talked. This guitar had a beautiful sound, a testimony to the craftsmanship. "Yeah, music offers an escape from the world, a chance to be anonymous and express yourself." Rinaa spoke quietly, but her words had a sense of power to them. Music was her escape more than anything else. And even though she knew that the people in the room were family, she was holding back, not quite willing to share just how much music meant to her. Her fingers switched between various song parts, some they recognised, others, they didn't.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay smiled when the mentioned they had a band amongst them all. It really did seem that way, that the one thing they all had in common was indeed music. She put her now empty mug down on the table as she saw John hand the guitar back to Rinaa, and she used that time to strum various chords. What Rinaa told them, hit home very hard for Kay. It was something she always thought and something similar to what her birth mother had told her when she was first learning to play. Her mother would tell her 'music is important Kay. It connects everyone and everything whilst still making you completely individual. Music is in our blood, never forget that and you'll always have a friend'. The memory flooded through her mind vividly, which made her space out, it was obvious something that was said, made her remember something.

"Perfectly said Rinaa...perfectly said" Kay simply commented, as she took a deep breath, followed by an exhale. "Someone special to me used to say something similar" she added. Thinking about her mother always made her slightly emotional, but she tried to hide it as much as she could. She didn't want to come across as that cliche emotional pregnant lady.

 

[_gallifrog_]

The teenager had depths, Chas had always known it. But here was one of the first times she'd actually let them show properly. Maybe it was Elliott's presence that allowed her to speak more openly than she normally would choose to. She didn't look at anybody as she spoke, her eyes locked on the movements of her fingers over the frets beneath. Her movements showed that she was holding back. Elliott, John and Chas all saw it, but didn't comment. Getting the teenager out of her shell was an excruciatingly slow process, and last thing they wanted to do was do something that would cause her to relapse. Elliott knew she needed to the space and the time to decide for herself what she wanted them to know about her.

And Rinaa knew if she let herself get lost in the music she would start singing, and she really wasn't ready to show that part of her to anybody just yet. She hadn't played properly in a long time. "Music is the chord that binds all together. Everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species." The teenager replied, reciting the quote from memory. Chas was the only one to recognise the quote. "Carl Sagan, Pale Ble Dot, albeit edited slightly." "Yep, I've read a lot of his work. Plus he say sit better than any of us ever could"

 

[MzHyde]

Kay let Rinaa quote what seemed to be a well read quote by her, even if she didn't understand where it had it originated from. Looking around, it seemed she wasn't the only one either, which actually made her feel less stupid. Seeing Chas know it didn't surprise her, he always seemed to know the most insecure quotes. Despite not knowing it, she did appreciate the sentiment.

Not knowing what else to possibly say, she just took her phone back out of her pocket and began to flick through the photos she took to see what ones to delete and what ones to keep. She deleted a couple but kept one she thought had the best lighting and depth to it, already getting in her head what art equipment she would use to draw it with. She had it in her head that oil pastels was the way to go, so she kept that in her memory bank for when they got home.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Elliott and John didn't know the quote either, but that wasn't what mattered. "Can't argue with that" Chas agreed. In his mind, Rinaa had a good taste in reading material. Another depth he didn't know she had, though he suspected it might be him, or more precisely his future self that had introduced her to Sagan's work. A sure sign that somebody, somewhere had done something right for the kid. "Nope, you can't." she agreed.

Her fingers still moved across the frets as she spoke, idly strumming a classical guitar piece. From his corner Chas called out another clue, and John, Elliott and Rinaa all called out three totally different answers. And naturally all three were wrong, prompting laughter from Chas. "Kid, I got my three questions okay if I quiz you now while the weather permits brooding angstily on the roof?" Rinaa smirked at the classic John remark. "Yeah it's cool."

 

[MzHyde]

Kay looked up when Chas called out a clue and they all answered completely different answers. Chas wasn't the only one who laughed, as Kay did too, shaking her head slightly as it was truly an amusing sight to see. She put her phone away again and watched Rinaa strum away the classical piece. She found the choice surprising to her, as she wouldn't have instantly pegged Rinaa for the classical type. Even though she was curious, she kept quiet and didn't say anything to disturb her.

She took a glance at John though when he said about having his three questions. She had completely forgotten about her last remaining two questions, having been completely distracted by other things and conversations. She didn't know if John wanted her there when he asked them, so she made no attempt to move or suggest to come along as well. She didn't want to be where she may not be welcome. If she was wanted, then someone would say something. She did find John's style of asking however very typical of him.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Rinaa stood, removing the guitar from around her and carefully leaning it against the back of the sofa. Chas and Elliott didn't need to be to told not to follow or eavesdrop, they all knew how Three Questions worked. But Elliott did give his daughter a look that said "It's okay, go", just sensing she wanted some kind of parental permission to go, even if she would never directly ask for it. The relationship between the two had many complications to iron out. The age gap made a regular parent-child relationship impossible, but he was making an effort to be something in the remainder of her life.

"Kay, you comin'?" John asked, already followed the teenager to the balcony. The balcony really seemed to serve no other function other than roof access. The chair seemed almost ornamental (despite being perfectly functional). John figured they might as well do their questioning together, thus minimising the risk of asking the same question twice and wasting a question. And he'd be telling her what he found out anyway, so it was just simpler if she was there.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay noticed the 'father daughter' glanced between Elliott and Rinaa. It was tiniest moments like that that just made her realise how much Elliott was taking to the idea of parenthood better than her or John was. Though, she did feel like they were getting better about it. She looked up when John asked if she was coming, and nodded, getting up. "Sure" she replied.

Walking over to John by heading to the balcony. She took her time to get up onto the roof carefully, considering how fast her body was beginning to feel different, even since the previous day. She was t showing up, but she was judging her change from the morning sickness, that things were beginning to change inside. Once on the roof, she sat down, stretching her legs out straight, crossing them over at her ankles. She waited for John to follow on up.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Rinaa sat herself her back to the edge of the roof while John sat between the her and Kay of them, creating a sort of triangle shape. "Go ahead, but try not to ask anything that breaks the timeline, for obvious reasons, time travel and all the associated shite." She rolled her eyes, not totally convinced that time travel was as great as it's reputation. All it had really done was make things even more complicated than ever before. Though it had let her meet Elliott, something that meant far more than anybody could ever understand. "Got it. So obviously Rinaa isn't your birth name, it's pretty obvious, so I want to know your real name and why you didn't use it?" He asked, technically combining two questions into one, but it was only one sentence, so it counted in both their books as only one question.

"It's Leah, Leah Tziyen." The teenager replied, running a hand over her hair before elaborating. "I got Jay's surname for obvious reasons. Elliott doesn't use his birth surname, so there was no point in using that. Quinn is just another version of his birth name, and Jay didn't want that association. And you know that Elliott never took Constantine except in a legal capacity, so that was out too. And Leah is a name none of ye had any connection to. And as for why I don't use it, the part of me that was Leah, it feels like she died when I got bitten. And rina'tziy means "oncoming storm" in Jay's native language. Which I guess kinda describes my life." She replied, before turning to Kay.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay just sat still, when Rinaa didn't beat around the bush metaphorically speaking to get the whole questions over and done with. She let John start as she knew he'd been thinking of the questions for quite a while now. She listened to it and then to Rinaa's answer of what her real name was and why it was changed. Kay felt she could understand her thinking behind it. A lot of people changed their names for various reasons, so it didn't surprise her that her trauma was Rinaa's reason for changing hers.

When Rinaa finished and then looked at her, she wasn't expecting to be fully included in the conversation, truth be told, she was happy to just sit there and listen for the time being, but it seemed that wasn't to be the case. "I gotta know..Compared to everyone else you know, what makes you and I so volatile with each other?" She asked, not really sure how she could word it, but tried to word it in as best a way as possible. It was the main thing that was really playing on her mind and hated. She needed answers, and not vague ones

 

[_gallifrog_]

Upon hearing that Leah was her name John tried to look at her in that light. Leah worked as her name, more than Rinaa ever had. And combined with Jay's surname- Tziyen- it took on an edgier tone. It was inevitable that one of Kay's questions would be on the discord between the two of them, Rinaa had known as much when she'd offered them the chance to ask. She was duty bound to answer honestly, so she did. She let out an exhalation before giving her answer.

"It's a complicated answer, but I guess it starts with Elliott's death, you were there, and it was impossible for any of you to save him. There was a lot of shared guilt over that, everybody blaming themselves the guilt got toxic. Then Jay came with the chimera idea, and after trial and error, and magical intervention you got me. Chimeras have to go through accelerated growth to ensure stability. So within a few weeks there was a five year old me. Apparently even then I showed both physical and personality traits of Elliott. I was a reminder of what had been lost. Out of the two of you, John came around and accepted it first. I guess I was seen as a second chance, a way to keep Elliott alive, a sense of redemption. Kay, you saw this as him preferring me over his own blood child, and that got ugly. So I was raised off world for a while. The next time I came back, I was old and aware enough to know when people had a problem with me being around, so I was cold with you, which means you went colder towards me. From there it kinda snowballed out of control, espescially when I hit the more rebellious phase. It's that snowballing that is why in the future we can't stand each other's presence."

It wasn't a nice story and Rinaa had no idea how it would go down. John just listened, his eyebrows raising at various parts of the story. Particularly the bit about it being perceived that he preferred Rinaa over his own kid. From Rinaa's words and tone, he didn't believe that was actually the case.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay awaited the answer but she really wasn't sure if she was ready for it. She had previously had many theories run through her head. However, when Rinaa started explaining it, it was one explanation that she never would have thought of. The idea that it would look to her, that John picked favourites over his own daughter. That answer hurt like hell to her. John may not have believed it to be the case, but it was believable enough to her.

Even though she'd like to think John would never ever do that and would love Fia unconditionally, just hearing it hurt. So when Rinaa finished explaining, she just nodded, now thinking maybe it would have been better if she never asked. Kay even brought her legs up to her chest as she just wanted the next question to be asked so the topic could go away. Though it did bring up the question of how her and John were in the future.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Rinaa couldn't look Kay in the eye after telling the story. She knew how much it would hurt to hear it, but it was the truth she'd grown up with. But maybe, if she played her cards right, she could change it for the better. John went ahead with next question. It wasn't one he'd ever asked aloud when thinking it over with Kay, and it was a deeply personal one too. No doubt it would set off some bad memories in Rinaa too, but he wanted to know. "This one's kind of personal and I'm gonna regret asking, but how did you react to finding out you were dying?" Rinaa hadn't been expecting that question at all, and she picked at the sole of her boot as she considered her answer.

She went so long without speaking that John was almost going to say 'forget it' and ask something else. "I took it badly...... very badly. Obviously I went through denial after hearing the initial results and I sought other diagnoses, despite knowing somewhere inside that it was true. We tried everything, pouring over any tech, any ancient books, rituals, treatment that could work. But nothing did. Then came the sadness, I had this mental and emotional breakdown that lasted four days. I went between this intense sadness and this blazing anger at everyone and everything. I barely ate, barely slept, went AWOL on everybody, stole a ship and left. And I very nearly slit my wrists and threw myself off a cliff and into a volcano to end it all......thats how bad it got. But I didn't, staring into the abyss, something changed in me. I figured if I had to go, I was gonna do it doing something utterly stupid, dangerous, and preferably quoting Die Hard." The slightest smile appeared at that bit before her tone turned serious again.

"So I made a plan to fix one of the worst things in my life line, and to get to know Elliott just a little before the inevitable. Between starting the plan and getting here, I've taken almost every blocker commercially available and some that aren't, I've nearly died four times, fully shifted once and puked up more blood than you'd think possible. You think morning sickness is bad? Coughing up pieces of your internal organs is far, far worse." There was a fear in the teenager's voice, when she spoke of her inevitable demise. There were times when she wondered if she really should just have jumped that day.

 

[MzHyde]

When John asked his next question, Rinaa wasn't the only one who was surprised by it. Kay looked up shocked he'd ask it, especially as they never spoke about it when going through what questions they should ask the kid. Seeing how uncomfortable Rinaa got at first, she almost wanted to tell her she doesn't have to answer it if she doesn't want to, but then Rinaa began explaining it. Hearing Rinaa's telling of it, and how suicidal she felt, it actually broke Kay's heart. Hearing a kid feeling that low always got to Kay, and now she was pregnant those emotions were just heightened.

She didn't even know what to say to Rinaa, though the die hard quote bit did make her smile ever so slightly for that brief moment, remembering the memory Rinaa shared with her and their little chat they had privately. She tried to think of the other questions her and John were discussing earlier, but she was just coming up blank all of a sudden. She put it down to her question being asked. She didn't want to waste her questions, so she was mentally getting annoyed her mind had completely forgotten what they wanted to know. Then one came to her, but she did wonder if it would be a waste of a question. She had to ask it anyway, "where did the nickname Celtic deer for Fia come from? I know what it means, but I'm curious what made you nickname her that" She asked.

 

[_gallifrog_]

John really did regret asking his question, seeing just how raw all this was for her to think on. His own suicide attempt (and near success, he had been technically dead for three minutes before he was revived) had been years ago, but John still felt the pain and the emotional trauma that went with it. Yet Rinaa had straddled that line between death and life four times, they'd seen one such time back on the ship. Somehow she hadn't kicked it yet, and John had to admit there was something admirable about that. The inability to just give up and give in as any normal person would. Kays next question didn't seem like a waste to him, even if all it did was confirm what they already knew.

"Ah yes, that old chestnut." Rinaa's mouth twitched into a half grin at the question. "It wasn't my own concoction actually, my friend came up with it. I was off world, and Chas had sent another of his long and detailed messages from Earth. He'd gotten into the habit of keeping Jay, Cal, Cliff and I updated on what was going on down there. With really detailed analyses of everything, witty asides, bitch rants about what had posed him off that week and photos." John gave a smirk, that really did sound like Chas. "I used to show some of the stuff to my friends, and amongst it was a picture of your kid. As we're looking at it one of them just blurts out she looks like one of those Irish deer. And the tone makes it so funny that we started pissing laughing at it. Then we did some research into the deer mythology, and the Gaelic connections. It kind of stuck as an in joke between us, we had a thing for nicknaming people, even if we didn't know them greatly. So at one of the reunion events I open me big mouth and it comes out. And then came the retaliation nickname a few weeks later. Hers never stuck with any of ye, but mine did."

 

[MzHyde]

Kay listened to the answer to her question. Hearing that Chas would do such a thing didn't surprise her. It certainly did sound like him, even from the relatively short time she knew him, not to mention she did make him uncle Chas to Fia. She didn't know how to take the comment her friend said, but it clearly was highly amusing to Rinaa. She kept listening to the story and how Rinaa blurted it out by mistake.

Hearing that Fia came back with one out of retaliation, did make Kay smirk. She could definitely see a kid of hers doing that, even if it did take weeks for it to happen. There would be no way that a kid of hers and John's blood could not come with a snarky personality. If she had unlimited questions, she would have followed up with asking what the retaliation nickname was, even if it didn't stick. But she wasn't going to waste what little ones they had. She had after all, just used all three of hers technically. So now it was just down to John's last one.

 

[_gallifrog_]

From the way she talked, John could tell that she both missed and loved these friends of hers. There was a fondness in her tone when she thought back at her little gang and their antics together. And like Kay, John wanted to know more about this retaliation nickname, considering the nickname had been mentioned earlier, and Rinaa herself had called it 'ironic'. But he only had one question left, and wanted to make it a good one. His two other questions had been heavy hitters, and yielded more information than he expected. And the topic of Elliott and his death was off limits. He didn't need that knowledge praying at him. "Last question, we'll there's only one real option, this ironic nickname you mentioned, what is it and why it ironic enough to stick around?"

The teenager rolled her eyes, they'd bitten right on the bait. She'd mentioned the nickname, wondering if that would be enough to pull them away from any other heavy question that been asked, considering how emotionally tough two of them had been. "Yeah then okay, I'll tell ye. It was Wolf." John's eyes widened at that, of all the animals in the world to pick for a nickname. "At first it was funny, considering I could do this, even before I was bitten" she fixed them with a predatory gaze, her pupils shifting to an icy blue-grey that looked exactly like the colour and shape of a wolf's eyes. The eyes completly changed her face, adding a wildness and a aura of danger to them. The shifted back before she conted. "It stuck as a joke, then I started to take on the name as my own. I adopted the mutts, picked a call sign with a wolf reference. Then of course I got bitten. Ironic or what?"

 

[MzHyde]

Kay glanced between John and Rinaa, curious to what the last question would be from him. The previous day they did have so many after all playing on their minds. So when John asked what the ironic nickname was, she was surprised he used it for such a question. Though it did make her feel not so alone in wondering about the slightly smaller things in Rinaa's life. She did think though he had a point in the fact that not much else could be asked without consequences with the whole time travelling stuff.

So Kay did what she had been doing all this time...she listened. Her eyes didn't go so wide like John's had, but she did instantly realise why it was considered unbelievably ironic. When Rinaa showed them her predatory glance, she could see why Fia would give such a nickname. She began to wonder if Fia knows about Rinaa's situation or not but that was a thought for another day. She couldn't know all the answers straight away and what they had been told so far was quite enough to try and digest. "Certainly ironic..yeah" she replied. Kay couldn't help but glance at John before instantly glancing back down again. The information was buzzing round her head, and yet it was the whole second question that was haunting her the most.

 

[_gallifrog_]

The mention of the so called 'mutts' made John think back to the nightmares of the night before. He'd seen Rinaa dead, and by her body were three wolves. He'd dismissed it as his over active imagination, but now was wondering if there could be more to it than that. That somehow his subconscious knew something he didn't about Rinaa. "Bloody hell, that really is ironic." "Yup, but I suppose it could have been somehow worse." Not something she wanted to devote a lot of time to thinking about. Instead she leaned sideways and looked out. She knew Cal and Cliff's favourite running routes around the city, she'd run on them herself. And sure enough, there they were, the three figures, evenly spaced, making their way across the plaza and towards the block.

"Looks like the others are back" she pointed out the runners from the roof, easily distinguishable by the hair blue, purple and black. She went to swing herself off the roof and down, before stopping. "Probably worth mentioning, just because I'm here doesn't mean the future is set in stone. Certain things are malleable, butterfly farting and causing the collapse of a black hole and all that. So don't get obsessed with what I've just said, yeah?" Then she swung off the roof without waiting for an answer.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay looked up and snapped out of her thoughts when Rinaa moved and changed position, to see Cal, Jay and Cliff all on their running route heading back. It was then she noticed John had been in his own thoughts too but knew better than to pry. So she looked over to where Rinaa was pointing and saw the three runners heading back to the apartment. Their hair between the three of them standing out vibrantly. She watched as Rinaa got up to climb back down off the roof, before stopping and telling them it's not set in stone.

"Sure kiddo" she replied to her as Rinaa didn't wait up for them before heading back inside. She looked at John before getting up. "Well...those were some answers and a half huh?" She commented, pulling herself into a standing position. She was still processing it all and tried her hardest to think about what Rinaa said. It was all malleable and subject to change. She had to hope that things wouldn't turn so toxic in the future, and she knew she'd do her damndest to try and make it not happen. As she kept thinking if she got that toxic towards Rinaa, then it's possible it caused a strain on her and John's relationship and she couldn't bare the idea of losing him.

 

[_gallifrog_]

"That they were, I really wasn't sure what to expect her to say to any of it, ta be perfectly honest. That was some pretty hard hitting stuff she said, and I still regret asking my second question. I should have thought if something else." He shook his head at the thought, before standing up and wrapping an arm around Kay's shoulders. He knew that when Rinaa said the'it's not set in stone bit' it was most certainly directed at Kay and in relation to how the two of them got on in the future. John knew how much the future discord between the two of them had been affecting Kay. Without enough context, John hadn't understood how Kay could change so drastically.

But Rinaa's explanation had lead to another thought as to why it had been Kay who'd turned so different and not anybody else. "And that bit about how you may change in the future, I have a this feeling it might be my fault." He spoke again quickly, not giving Jay a chance to butt in, refute or confirm his words. "Just hear me out, yeah? The kid mentioned Elliott's death and shared guilt. I think she meant shared guilt between the two of us and not the whole group. Specifically my guilt. Say that when Elliott died, I relapse worse than ever. I think this bloody bond might have transmitted my guilt, self loathing and general depression to future you. And after however long of being exposed my shite full force, it turned toxic. Hence the whole future weirdness between you two." He explained.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay welcomed the arm round her shoulders, which made her turn into him. She nodded at his first statement of how hard hitting the answers were and how he regretted asking the second question, something she had a feeling he would regret, the moment the topic of suicide was brought up. She ended up hugging him when he began to talk about the topic of her changing so drastically. The moment he said he think its his fault, she went to protest but he didn't give her the chance to. So with the request of hearing him out, she let him explain how he came to that conclusion.

She listened to what he had to say and it did make sense, that the bond would make their connection create something that toxic. "Makes sense I guess...it just worries me it breaks us apart John...I can't lose you" she replied eventually. "If I'm that toxic to her, then whose to say I don't take it out on you too? I mean..she said I accused you of favouring her over Fia...surely that would cause arguements" she added. She knew she shouldn't worry about it as it may change and not even happen, but it still affected her. Of all the bloody times to be up the duff when that causes a woman's hormones to change, it had to be now.

 

[_gallifrog_]

"But she never said whether it was true or not, and I really don't think it was. It sounds like out of all of us earthbound people, she was closest to Chas. Which would make sense as his kid would be an adult, so he'd have the space for her to stay when she did visit." He didn't put out th either thought on his mind, it would definitly upset Kay more than she already was. But Rinaa had more or less implied that it was Kay's original coldness towards her that had led to her being raised off world. And that when she did come back, she was older, and tougher, and John knew she wasn't the kind of person to take anything lying down. Which led to retaliation by both parties, neither willing to back done on their position. John could see how it grew from something simple to this dividing fued.

"I don't this this bond thing will ever let us split, no matter how toxic it gets, and it seems like I pull my out my arse and stop being a grieving self destructive mess, which would help matters immensely. Hells, I don't think it would let us take it out on each other, and would find some other way to divert the crap. So I don't think you could lose me, I'm ridiculously stubborn and hard to get rid of."