Fandom Into the fire (1x1 MzHyde/Gallifrog)

[_gallifrog_]

John was barely aware of Kay's presence, having been so fixated on the dreamworld and what he saw. It took him at least ten minutes to realise that he was not back in the basement in Newcastle, and instead he was in the spare room, at Elliott's sister's house, on Attil. It took that long for his overhyped brain to calm down and allow for rational thoughts to appear. John was a wreck. His breathing was ragged, his pulse bouncing around like a yo-yo on crack cocaine, his hair saturated with sweat, along with his entire torso. He didn't speak, just breathing in and out, at first ragged and panicked, but eventually falling back to the normal rhythm (or at least close to it). With that normal rythmn regained, his pulse dropped back to normal. The blood returned to his face, the deathly pallor vanishing, the hollows around his eyes melting back into his face. He made no other movements until his vitals had returned to normal.

The first thing he did was check his arms, running his fingers over the scratches with a resigned sigh. This was far from the first time this had happened to him, that much was evident. He had told Kay that he didn't always sleep great, that like Elliott, he also suffered from bouts of nightmares. But he had never explained how bad it was, or what was the root cause. He pushed both hands through his hair, raking it upwards into stiff peaks, before addressing Kay, who he had just realised would have experienced most of it. "I really wish you hadn't seen that" he muttered.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay let him do what he had to to calm down. Yes he was sweaty, but she didn't care, she kept her hand on his back, mostly to feel his breathing to make sure that if anything were to happen she could jump in and try and help. She remained silent after her initial talking to him, and felt relieved when he finally started to regain his breathing to a normal steady pace. She watched him as he checked his arms and sighed, it was then she realised when he said he had nights of bad sleeping, that this was the standard of those very nights.

She didn't shy away from it though. It upset her to see him so vulnerable and scared, but she wasn't going to be phased by it and run away. She stayed put, and looked up at him when he said he wished she didn't see that side of him. It was at that point that she moved on the bed to sit in front of him, and took his hands, before making him look at her. "Hey..it was sheer fluke I woke up and saw you were having that nightmare. You may wish I didn't see it, but I'm glad I did. I'm still here aren't I? I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to judge you or think any less of you for it. It's okay to be scared John." She started to tell him, before sighing.

"You and Elliott aren't the only ones who get like this. I may not have had them badly for a little while but I also know what they are like. So I'm not going to run away or be phased by you having them. I had one so bad once when I was a kid, I not only slept walked from them, I managed to stab my compass right through my wrist" she explained. "It's one scar I wished would have stayed.." she told him. "The compass sticking out of my wrist is what woke me up.. stupid thing is that nightmare has since wiped out of my mind and I can't remember what caused me to self harm...but I remember what I did." She explained. "so I'm here..and I get it".

 

[_gallifrog_]

He knew he wouldn't be judged for it, that Kay would understand, as the few others- Chas, Elliott, Renee and Sheryl-had, but it still didn't change the fact that he hated people knowing. He hated that his past had such a hold over him, at that his unconscious mind would subvert the images and memories and fears, combining them into one horrifying tapestry. And it wasn't that people would abandon him or turn away because they'd seen him gripped by terror. It was the opposite, that they'd actually cared enough about his mental state to try and comfort him, to snap him out of it. To try and understand the trauma he'd been through and how his mistakes still haunted him. Even after everything that had developed with Kay, the parental loyalty he felt towards Elliott, the bond forged in fire, and turmoil between him and Chas, he wasn't used to people caring. It was alien and unsettling to him.

He listened to Kay's story, it didn't soothe him in the slightest, in fact it only reminded him of the many times he'd woken up with various self inflicted scratches, or pressing a knife/shard of glass/razor against his skin. His thumbs ran over the scar running down his forearms, following the ridged line of hos suicide attempt. There were other scars like it, but that was the longest, the deepest, and the most painful. "I get that....I do, but it doesn't make this crap any easier. And that isn't even the worst it can be either, my head right now....not a nice place to be."

 

[MzHyde]

She watched as he ran his thumbs over his own scars, and his suicide attempt. She felt she should have guessed he'd shut off slightly from her. What it felt like to her though, that he didn't see just how strong he was, to still be here. She saw someone he didn't. A strong fighter, a caring man despite the bravado he put on, someone who was incredibly talented at his craft. "And I totally understand that and I won't ever try to fully get inside your head of you don't want me to. You know that. I can understand as well that having people care about you and your well-being is alien and no doubt scary to you. That that's just as terrifying and weird as the nightmares. Just know you don't ever have to shut out any part of you to me. I love you John and I'm always gonna be here to help you however I can, even if that means giving you space. So if you want to be alone for a bit, I will leave you be. If you want me here? Then I'll stay" she explained to him, leaving the ball in his court. She was proving yet again that she was flexible and good at listening.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Maybe having Kay around would help, and maybe at some point he'd explicitly ask her to stay, and help him get through it. But he wasn't comfortable with that idea at all. His usual method of coping after such nightmares (and the one he knew worked) meant he needed to be alone. He found it easier and less awkward to pull his head together when he was on his own. It wasn't the anywhere nice, or remotely sane in any shape or form. Elliott had seen far more than anyone else, and that was because he'd threatened to brute force his way in if John didn't let him in to see at least some of it. And Elliott was a stubborn guy, just like John, so the latter had relented.

John didn't want other people judging him for the contents of his head, and the sheer terror that the nightmares evoked in him. Even though logically he knew Kay wouldn't do such a thing, he wanted to be left alone for a bit. It was just one of those things. "Give me ten minutes, yeah?"

 

[MzHyde]

Kay wanted nothing more than to help John, but she knew sometimes helping people when they were like this were to leave them alone. So when he said to give him ten minutes, she nodded. "Sure, I'll be on the balcony if you need me" she told him, giving his shoulder a squeeze before getting up, pulling her jeans on and leaving him to it.

She crept through the living area where Jay, Elliott and Rinaa were to reach the balcony, and stood outside in the cool air. She leaned over the balcony to look out in the dark night sky, her thoughts full of concern and worry for John, as she let the cool breeze blow through her making her fold her arms across her chest, hair blowing in front of her face. She didn't leave the balcony for the full time he needed. She just hoped she didn't wake anyone else in the apartment.

 

[_gallifrog_]

John waited until he heard Kay's footsteps receded into the distance before he moved. He grabbed the trench coat from the floor, and rummaged around in one of the hidden pockets, carefully splitting the lining open to access the second secret pocket. Inside was a small palm-sized notebook. It was in this that he kept track of the nightmares, the subject of said nightmare, possible causes, which people he saw dead and (less frequently than it used to be) what kind of self inflicted injuries there had been as a result. He flipped to a new page, and began to write.

As it happened Kay and John weren't the only ones awake. Rinaa was also awake, a trait becoming ever more prominent as a result of her changing. She was becoming more and nocturnal. Despite falling asleep earlier, that sleep hadn't lasted long, and had also woken. She didn't see Kay out on the balcony, too engrossed in searching through the kitchen, for the spare kit she knew Cliff kept there. Her eyes had changed colour, and she had one arm pressed against her chest. Kit located, she hauled herself up onto the counter top.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay didn't notice that Rinaa was awake, with the room being dark she just assumed the three of them were all asleep, so it didn't even occur to her to think that anyone would be in the kitchen. Every now and then she would look down at nothing in particular before looking back up. She didn't know when it started, but a couple stray tears actually fell down her face through the worry for John.

"He'll be okay Kay...you don't have to protect and put everyone's problems onto your own shoulders" Fee spoke to her finally, first time explaining how her pregnancy was going to happen, and even then that was more to John than her. "I know Fee...doesn't stop me worrying about the guy though..he bottles so much up.." she found herself quietly replying out loud and not in her head. For some reason in times like these it just helped more. "You should listen to your words sometimes...you realise you're just as bad sometimes don't you?" "Yeah yeah...I know I'm a hypocrite" she smirked. "Urgh...I just find helping others easier than myself Fee..you know that" she added. "That I do. We could go for a flight? Taken your mind off things? I've not spread my wings for a long time and they're getting stuff" Fee suggested which made Kay roll her eyes. I'm not going a fly in a place I don't know" she replied.

 

[_gallifrog_]

The teenager was just as oblivious to Kay's presence, even when she started talking to seemingly no one. Rinaa had bigger fish to fry. She knew roughly when the Omega would wear off, and she didn't have long left on this particular dose, judging by the way she was feeling and looking at that particular moment. The shift was happening, she could feel it coming, back in her timeline she had fully shifted once, before reverting, spasming and convulsing. At a guess she'd fully transform and revert multiple times before the final shift occurred. Each time she reverted, she became more wolfish, the pointed ears being the first to appear, periodic bouts of heightened senses, the teeth, and now it seemed the claws were there to stay. Rinaa had got better at sensing when the symptoms were coming, and dosing herself up.

She'd asked Jay to fetch the Omega cannister from the ship, knowing they'd need it. Both knew how to administer the drug properly, having seen the wrong method far too many times. The teenager rather not have to do it herself, but as she cast an eye over at the figures of Jay and Elliott asleep, all she could think was disturbing them when they were asleep that wasn't a good idea. So self-medicating it was. Sterilising the area, she took hold of the injection cannister in one hand, and in one fluid movement stuck it into her arm. Teeth gritted, she pressed down on the plunger, sending the inhibitor into her system.

 

[MzHyde]

If she had her jacket on, Kay would have pulled out her phone and checked how long it had been, but she didn't and thus just stayed put. She was still oblivious to the teenager in the kitchen and just wiped her cheeks when she realised she had been tearful. Glancing to her left, she noticed a chair, so pushing herself off the balcony ledge, she walked over to it and sat back in it. She hugged herself as she saw no blanket out with her, so she had nothing to keep her warm.

Sitting down was a big mistake though, as it was a few minutes later that she had fallen asleep on the chair, and in her sleep shivering, goosebumps visible on her bare arms. She didn't even realise she was that tired, but it seemed she was, meaning she wouldn't wake up and get back to the room, back to John. Not even Fee could wake her to get her back inside. She was just seemingly lifeless, only her chest moving to her steady light breathing being the clue she was actually just asleep. Her arms still hugging herself.

 

[_gallifrog_]

Job done, the teenager let out a sigh, tipping her head back against the wall and removing the syringe from her arm, letting it fall onto her lap. Her eyes closed briefly as she let out another long breath. She heaved herself off the counter, went through the rigmarole of replacing everything where she had found it. She then crashed out onto the couch, the inhibitor knocking her right out. It always did that to her, even back in prison, Omega's first effect had always been to knock her out stone cold.

Writing finished, John replaced the book to the concealed pocket, and ran his hand silver the scratches, none of them had broken skin thankfully, but they had left a series of red marks across his left forearm that would remain for at least a few hours. He hadn't taken any note of the time either, but knew that it had been longer than five minutes. He made his way through the apartment, emerging in the living room, two things catching his eye. The first being Rinaa passed out on the couch, as opposed to the beanbag chair where she had fallen asleep earlier. The second thing that caught his eye was Elliott, or more precisely Elliott and Jay. The two were asleep against each other, arms wrapped around each other, Jay's head tucked into Elliott's neck. With a smirk he drew out his phone and silently took a series of photos. They'd be useful for embarrassing them later.

He made his way to the balcony, where he saw Kay's sleeping, cold form. He could easily see that she was asleep and not dead. Carefully so as not to wake her, he picked her up and carried her inside, right back the room they shared. There he carefully laid her on the bed, before lying down himself. And with one arm over her, he fell asleep again.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay from that moment slept right through to the morning, completely unaware that John found her outside and carried her back in. When he laid her on the bed, before laying back down himself and draping his arm round her, she unconsciously snuggled right into him, still completely fast asleep. Her body now warming up again from being with John and inside on a warm bed.

She woke up the next morning in the same positon John had laid her in, and she wondered when she got back to the bedroom. She didn't remember walking back there, before realising she must have fallen asleep on the chair outside. Kay felt so comfortable that she refused to get up. She didn't pay attention to if John was awake or not, and just stayed snuggled into him and under his arm. "John carried you back in last night as you're wondering. Please don't fall asleep outside whilst pregnant again Kay...of you end up sick it's not good for the baby" Fee explained to her, and like usual, Kay just acknowledged what was told but ignored it.

 

[_gallifrog_]

There were no more nightmares in store that night for John, he slept soundly, not stirring at all. A direct contrast to how the first part of the night went. Though looking at him as he lay there asleep there was no hint of the terrors that had ravaged him. He didn't look peaceful or vulnerable or any of that bullshit when he slept. He just looked like an average guy, but asleep. John slept for a further maybe ten or fifteen more minutes after Kay woke. When he did, he ran a hand over his face, flicking the grit from the corners of his icy eyes. He sat up in the bed slightly, readjusting to a more comfortable position.

Now awake, he looked exactly as he always did- scruffy yet handsome, and now fully ready to take on what ever shit the universe was going to throw at him. The sleep had done him good, putting a lot of things at ease in his mind. Everything didn't seem so full on after the half decent sleep. "Mornin' " He said sounding much more together than he had yesterday or that night, all traces of the haunted asylum look gone.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay glanced up when she sensed him wake up and run his hand over his face. She let him readjust by lifting her body off of him slightly so he could move. Though considering her small frame, it probably wouldn't have been difficult to move even if she didn't. She practically studies his whole appearance to see how he was doing, and noticed how he looked the same as he always did.

"Morning" she replied, sitting up a bit, but not as far up as he did as she enjoyed using his chest as a pillow too much. "Thanks for bringing me back in...Fee told me you carried me" she commented, draping one arm over him, her fingertips tracing his collarbone. "But more importantly, how you doing?" She asked.

 

[_gallifrog_]

It didn't surprise him that Fee had chosen to pass on that particular piece of information. Kay didn't weigh much (at least in comparison to other people he'd had to carry around, mostly Elliott, and on occasion Chas). Looking back at it, it seemed like such a cliche thing to do, but he couldn't think of a better idea. Disturbing Kay's sleep not even passing briefly into his mind as an option. "Yeah, I did do that, sorry if that's weird or whatever, but at the time, I couldn't think of a better idea."

At the next question he spoke before even giving half a thought to the word coming out of his mouth. "I'm a lot better, the middle of the night was just a blip I guess. But I'm a lot better now, and more mentally able to deal with everything." And by everything, he really did mean everything. His tone had recovered it's confidence and his eyes had regained the snarky sparkle that perpetually lurked in them.

 

[MzHyde]

When he replied and apologised for bringing her into the warm, she couldn't help but smile and chuckle slightly. It was far from weird in her mind, and actually really sweet of him. "It's not weird." She said, "I appreciate it, only would have gotten too cold out there.", She continued. She really did appreciate it, even if it was cliche. Most people no matter who it was, would have just left her to freeze in the cold air or just threw a blanket over her and hoped for the best.

Hearing that he felt better for the second lot of sleep through the night, she internally sighed with relief. He did certainly look more like himself. "You look better. You got that signature rugged handsomeness back" she smirked, looking up at him as her cheeky tone came through. "But in all seriousness I was worried about you last night" she told him.

 

[_gallifrog_]

He was relieved she didn't find the whole thing weird. He probably would have, had the roles been reversed. Though come to think of it, he would just have been impressed that she could lug his heavy ass around. At the handsome ruggedness comment he had to roll his eyes and smirk, the wise words of his sister coming to mind. "Or as my sister likes to call this" He gestured at himself before continuing "the trademark John Constantine stumbled into a trash can pissed drunk and passed out there, yet somehow still manage to wake up and remain looking broody and mysterious in order to pull it off look."

Then came the next part. He could imagine what he'd been like. He hadn't been screaming, he knew that much. If he had Chas or Elliott would have booted done the door, knowing exactly what was going on. But he'd no doubt been talking in his sleep, and the red marks on his arm emphasised that it had been bad. "I would say, don't both worrying about me, I'm a bloody tough arse hole and that it wasn't as bad as it looked, but neither of us know that's gonna happen, or believe any of that crap. But I'm better now."

 

[MzHyde]

Ksy chuckled when he rattled off what his sister would say. "Oh don't give me the eye roll mister" she said when he was done, "we both know you think you're a handsome asshole" she commented. She hadn't forgotten his remark on her sketch of him. He was a walking contradiction of mental health issues and arrogance.

As he spoke about her other comment of being worried about him, she then sat up properly. At least he knew telling her not to worry about him wouldn't happen. "Damn straight that's not gonna happen. We're a team you and I. We're in this together. But I am glad you're better now" she replied to him, meaning every word. She would have added 'forever and always' but decided against it, despite him having told her similar before when she's been a wreck.

 

[_gallifrog_]

John just shrugged and smirked at that "I'll damn well do that if I want to" he sassed back. "And the problem with me thinking that is what precisely?" He continued with a smirk. It was one of the few things about himself that he had faith in. He always achieved the brooding ass hole look, that people seemed to find extremely attractive. Including him, particularly on guys. But his sexual preferences were besides the point, espescially considering that Kay was pregnant with his kid. (Still a weird thought for him, but not as weird as it had been yesterday). "Same here on that regard." He added in response to Kay's relief that he was okay.

Which reminded him of the other thing that happened in the night. "That reminds me of something. Hold on a sec..." He stretched across to the bedside table where the phone was, keying in the code. Angling the phone away from Kay so she couldn't see what he was up to, he found the photos. "looks to me like something finally happened." He said with a smile, passing over the phone. The photo wasn't the best quality considering the light level of Cal's living room. But the subject matter of the photo was very clear. It was Elliott and Jay asleep on the beanbag chair, the two curled up against each other. Each had an arm around the other's back. Jay's head was resting in the space between Elliott's shoulder and neck, one of her legs wrapped over his. The two loose arms were linked together, the quality of the photo being good enough to see that their fingers were laced together.

 

[MzHyde]

Kay knew he was definitely back to his old self when he sassed her back. He wouldn't have known just how much it made her relieved to have them playfully bickering again. She just rolled her eyes at him, if he ever told her he was in fact bisexual it wouldn't bother her at all. She still knew he was with her and she had faith in them.

When he said he was reminded of something and leaned over to grab his phone, she got curious to what he was doing until he showed her the photos of Jay and Elliott. The image made her smile as she looked at it and zonked in to see it better. Studying it and seeing their fingers linked together. "About time something happened aye? They're so bloody adorable" she commented with a smile.

 

[_gallifrog_]

"Not quite the word I'd have chosen to describe them" 'Adorable' was not a word in John Constantine's vocabulary, unless being used to take the piss out of somebody or something. But he had to agree, there was something about those two, they were special. And looking at the photos again, in better light, they really did fit together well. Asleep they were so completly unashamed of that fact, in direct contrast with how they behaved during the day, both playing an elaborate unconscious dance not to end up touching the other. He hadn't noticed the linked fingers until Kay had zoomed in on that particular spot. They really were quite something.

"But the point still stands, they really are quite something. And it's really about time they got some aspect of their shit together." He replied. He was going to have a field day using these photos to embarrass Elliott. Jay would be embarrassed too no doubt, but he had a feeling she would be far better at hiding it. "So which one d'you think grew the balls to do something? And d'you think they'll try and deny that anything ever happened?" He asked, already having his own theories, but genuinely curious to see what Kay had to say on the matter.

 

[MzHyde]

"of course you wouldn't use that word" she smirked. Only Kay had the balls to call Jay and Elliott adorable in situations like this and she was completely unashamed to do so. She didn't care, they were adorable in her mind, and fit perfectly together. She nodded when he elaborated on his opinion of the sight he caught on camera. She just had this hunch John only took the photos to use as for something to embarrass the hell out of Elliott. Truth was, if she had noticed bit herself and had her phone to hand, she would have done exactly the same thing.

"My guess is Jay said something..going by our group conversation telling her to just take the plunge as we all know Elliott wouldn't out of fear of upsetting her. And I definitely think they'll initially try to deny it until you show the photos to call them out on it." She theorised. She was also going by the whole cliche thing of girls usually told their feelings first, even if they were badass strong girls like Jay. Eventually they usually took the plunge first, because otherwise it just eats them up too much waiting to see if the guy in question will pluck up the courage to say something.

 

[_gallifrog_]

John nodded, in complete agreement with Kay. He would happily place money on it being Jay who said something, or made a move first. Elliott wouldn't, and as much as he loved the kid, he knew Elliott would have the balls to risk doing something like that, and making things weirder between them than they already were. If it had gone wrong, John full well expected that Jay would blank Elliott or vanish for a couple of days, leaving Elliott behind to contemplate the mess that was his life. Though maybe he had, meeting his (their) future daughter could have changed something in him, making him realise that the possibility of Jay actually liking him back was as big as the others said it was.

"I'm with you on both of those. Jay seems the most likely, even if she has the most to lose from all this. Which could be why she did it. Knowing that she'll lose Elliott at some point in the future might help things along. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens." He took the phone back. " And yes, I do intend to use these as blackmail of some sort....unless you have any other ideas on how to make it more embarrassing?"

 

[MzHyde]

Seeing John nod at what she was saying, proved to her that they had the same theory. It wasn't all that hard to come up with the theory in reality, and she convinced that if he asked anyone else they all would have said the same theory. She listened to what he said in reply. "Agreed, I honestly think that's why she would have been the one who made the first move. I just got the feeling she'd have the talk with him about it after our chat in the forge with her. So yeah, I guess we'll wait and see soon enough" she smiled before chuckling at his added remark.

"I so knew that was your motive for taking those photos" she told him. "Because I would have done the same thing if I had noticed and had my phone to hand. But no, I don't have any better ideas, keeping them for if they deny it is the best way to go to embarrass them. It'll call them out on the lie perfectly" She added. Embarrassing people is something secretly loved doing, even if she hated it when it happened to her.

 

[_gallifrog_]

"Well of course it was, why else would I take photos that could be considered mildly stalkerish?" He smirked, glad he didn't have to justify his reasons to Kay. Which he would have, in extensive detail and taking at least an hour, if it had come to that. Anyone who didn't get some kind of kick out of seeing others embarrassed had to be lying (at least in John's opinion). Especially when said person was your adoptive son. Parental rights (and blatant abuse of power) and all that jazz.

It would be highly interesting for him at least, to see what happened next in this whole saga. No doubt Rinaa would be weirded out by this and vanish to wherever it was on Attil that she seemed to vanish to. He could also see Jay being perfectly willing to throw Elliott under the embarrassment bus, to get a rise out of him. He found himself smirking, realising that what he was imagining was essentially two hormonal, horny, socially clueless teenagers.