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Realistic or Modern hollywood arts: main (open!!)
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AkuTheWolfOkami
The Shape-shifting Master of Goatees and Darkness
STASSI
Junior(18)- Model - Golden Goddess
Stassi was too weak to resist her sister guiding her off the rink, as she was starting to get her bearings back. Her equilibrium was thrown off because of the spinning and that was probably the source of her regurgitating whatever she had ingested before (well because her equilibrium was already gone thanks to the drugs). She could probably explain away the vomit to her parents – a result of taking ibuprofen for the knee pain she already mentioned she was experiencing. It may have been oxy instead of aspirin, but that detail wasn’t important. She could also probably explain the nosebleed away with aspirin, but that was a harder sell than the vomit. Her parents may have been straight edged (as far as she knew), but the company that had to keep wasn’t exactly so.
So. They knew the signs of drug abuse and actually Katya might have saved her by ushering her back before too many questions could be asked. Yet, something in Stassi’s stomach was telling her she’d take the interrogation from her parents over letting her sister win. And win she did.
Is there anything I can get for you?
That didn’t feel genuine.
Water? Coffee? Your pride?
Because it wasn’t. The taunting had already begun, and Stassi wasn’t even composed enough to do anything about it. Her stomach began to churn again, but not from whatever had caused her to vomit earlier, no. It was churning with a slow hatred that was starting to brew deep within her core.
Anastasia would never pretend that Katya was her favorite person in the world. No. Katya was her replacement for something she didn’t even have control over. Because of whom her mother was and it getting out. It wasn’t even that Katya was her replacement, it was just the smug, fake smile that she wore on her face. The taunts. The jabs.
Nastya had some love for her sister somewhere in her. It wasn’t her fault she was her replacement, and it probably saved her life which Stassi was thankful for. But…moments like this reminded her that she wasn’t her blood. She wasn’t her actual sister. She was a Ukranian street rat and that’s where she belonged.
Y’know, I thought you were just going to fall or something, congratulations for surpassing one expectation: How badly you failed.
Stassi moved to sit on the floor and rest her back against the stall of the bathroom, watching her sister’s face as she taunted her. Katya seemed to be enjoying the disgrace and shame that Stassi was experiencing, and Stassi would be lying if she wouldn’t have done the same.
At least you did… a routine. Hope it was worth it.
Their eyes met for a second before her sister left her unceremoniously in the bathroom, Anastasia could only assume to go to their parents to ensure that she was okay. She wasn’t sure what she would say to explain it away, or even if she would. Katya had the upper hand in that regard because she had ushered her away so quickly.
Katya got to control the narrative, and Anastasia had to play along with it. That was fine.
When she heard the door close, she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the stall wall, smirking as she chuckled. She didn’t intend for the show after the skating – she hadn’t expected her nose to bleed. It hadn’t happened before, but it went with her plan.
“Волко́в боя́ться — в лес не ходи́ть,” she stated gently as she let out another chuckle. “If you’re scared of wolves, don’t go in the woods.”
Katya was the wolf in this scenario, and she had bared her fangs. This is what Stassi expected though. This is what she wanted. Stassi didn’t have it in her to pull out a full routine, let alone sober. She needed her mind to be free to do what she did and not let the fear keep her frozen. That was fine. She would do this routine, one that was good for a show, but not for Olympic competition. She would say that she’s been limited by her lingering knee pain and should probably rest. It would mean more time away from skating.
Now – she had another card to play. She would tug her mother’s heartstrings. Katya may have won that game of chicken. Katya may have won the day, but this theatre of War at Hollywood Arts was far from over.
“Good luck, dorogoy.” She stated once more before finally getting to her feet and moving to the sink to properly clean herself.
♡coded by uxie♡
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
trevor callaghan
Silence.
Fucking silence.
She was quiet because she was thinking. That had to be it. His thoughts immediately picked it up: she was thinking of some kind of explanation or how to explain herself out of the situation. Because it wasn’t good, or it made her look bad, or she wanted him to fecking forget it or something.
She was always doing that — dismissing everything as just nothing. Was she really going to do that again.
His eyes moved back forward again, his grip tensing on the wheel. Driving while as blasted as Trevor was was a remarkably moronic decision as was — idiotic, stupid, the list could go on and on. But by the second, his muscles were growing tenser and tenser, and his jaw was tightening and tightening, and he was feeling the tentative anger that had bloomed in his chest starting to spread throughout his body.
And yeah, driving sky high wasn’t a good idea, especially not for someone of Trevor’s awareness and temperament. But driving — or, hell, existing — while sky high and pissed was an awful combination.
No, more than awful.
Dangerous.
Trevor drew in a deep breath. “Well?”
More silence.
Finally, Ash slowly started speaking. Her voice was quiet. “JJ, she ummm…” She trailed off, then cleared her throat. “She’s like…mad at me because I ah…I was shopping for dresses with like Mik and Newt, and I dunno, I guess I like…I was fucking dumb and I just like…I didn’t tell her and I….I just like…”
He heard shuddering breaths. There was a lurch in his veins as he looked over to see Ash crying, but he was too pissed to immediately care very much, so he looked back out of the windshield.
“I don’t know,” Ash said, and her voice cracked. “I just like…I like…it was like…supposed to be me, Charlie, Amy, and then like, like, like…I dunno, I was like, I thought Maddie and Jj, I thought they’d like…we haven’t like, we haven’t done like, we just…I thought it would…I thought it’d be fine, and I don’t…I didn’t even remember inviting Mikaela because I was all like, all like fucked up at a party, and I just…I just…”
“Fucked up at a party?” His voice was tense, on the edge. He hadn’t understand a single fecking thing that she’d said, and trying to comprehend it hurt his brain right now. It was nonsense anyway, just gibberish.
Nothing like an answer, nothing like what he’d asked for. She was just avoiding the question.
“Fucked up at a party?” he repeated.
“I fucked, I like…I just like…I fucked up, I fucked up,” Ash continued to ramble. “Because like, JJ like…she left me with fucking Maggie, and I like…fucking Maggie is such a bitch. And everyone like, like likes her better, like you and JJ do, and she like, she like, she like…she hates me and I dunno why and I just I don’t, I don’t…and then JJ was all like yelling at me, and I slipped up, and I like…she was all like…she said, she said, I told her, like…I just fucked up, I told her about Dorian, and I didn’t care because he’s such a dick but I feel bad and I don’t know.”
Her words settled for a moment, and there was a long, strained silence as Trevor processes what she was saying.
He drew in a deep breath, his eyes unmoving from the road. “I don’t…” He let out the breath, and the air settled for a moment again. “I don’t understand,” he said in a softer voice.
I really don’t fecking understand.
As his words ruminated in his head, he felt his anger once again lash within his chest, and his brows suddenly knit in confused anger. “Did you really just feckin’ say that I feckin’ like fucking Maggie better than you, Ash?” His voice was low, but his next sentence, said as he glanced over at Ash, rose in volume: “My goddamn girlfriend, Ash?! You really think I like her better than you?”
He rolled his eyes, scowling as he turned into a parking lot. “Are you even listenin’ to yerself?” He whipped into a parking spot, his van halfway across the other parking spot as he parked and turned his vehicle off, and he unclipped his seatbelt and turned to face Ash. “Are you even fecking listenin’ to yerself?” His tone before had been mostly confused, but now, his anger was taking over his voice.
He was pissed.
“Ash, look at me,” he said. He reached out and put a hand on her arm, and then jabbed a finger at himself. “Are you going to give me an answer, or are you just going to keep fecking babbling?”
He turned the car off, and the engine died with a soft whir. His eyes moved back to Ash, dark, confused, and angry. Now that the car was off — now that they were still, now that he could focus on being pissed at her in this fog of his mind — his anger was growing by the second. “What the fuck,” he demanded, “was JJ saying about me being your fecking boyfriend, Ash? You mean to tell me that you told that bitch about us? She can’t keep her fecking trap shut for a single goddamn second — if she knows, everyone is going to fucking know, and I’m just not fucking ready for that, okay? You get that, right? There are two feckin’ people in this relationship, Ash, and — and you said something about getting fucked up at a party, too? And — and — and what tha — an’ what tha hell was that about Dorian?”
He put a hand to his forehead as his head gave a throb. That wasn’t supposed to happen when he was under the influence.
If this was fecking sobering him up, he was going to be even more than beyond fucking pissed.
“Goddamn it, Ash,” he said. “What the hell? Have you seriously fecking been hiding shite from me?”
Fucking silence.
She was quiet because she was thinking. That had to be it. His thoughts immediately picked it up: she was thinking of some kind of explanation or how to explain herself out of the situation. Because it wasn’t good, or it made her look bad, or she wanted him to fecking forget it or something.
She was always doing that — dismissing everything as just nothing. Was she really going to do that again.
His eyes moved back forward again, his grip tensing on the wheel. Driving while as blasted as Trevor was was a remarkably moronic decision as was — idiotic, stupid, the list could go on and on. But by the second, his muscles were growing tenser and tenser, and his jaw was tightening and tightening, and he was feeling the tentative anger that had bloomed in his chest starting to spread throughout his body.
And yeah, driving sky high wasn’t a good idea, especially not for someone of Trevor’s awareness and temperament. But driving — or, hell, existing — while sky high and pissed was an awful combination.
No, more than awful.
Dangerous.
Trevor drew in a deep breath. “Well?”
More silence.
Finally, Ash slowly started speaking. Her voice was quiet. “JJ, she ummm…” She trailed off, then cleared her throat. “She’s like…mad at me because I ah…I was shopping for dresses with like Mik and Newt, and I dunno, I guess I like…I was fucking dumb and I just like…I didn’t tell her and I….I just like…”
He heard shuddering breaths. There was a lurch in his veins as he looked over to see Ash crying, but he was too pissed to immediately care very much, so he looked back out of the windshield.
“I don’t know,” Ash said, and her voice cracked. “I just like…I like…it was like…supposed to be me, Charlie, Amy, and then like, like, like…I dunno, I was like, I thought Maddie and Jj, I thought they’d like…we haven’t like, we haven’t done like, we just…I thought it would…I thought it’d be fine, and I don’t…I didn’t even remember inviting Mikaela because I was all like, all like fucked up at a party, and I just…I just…”
“Fucked up at a party?” His voice was tense, on the edge. He hadn’t understand a single fecking thing that she’d said, and trying to comprehend it hurt his brain right now. It was nonsense anyway, just gibberish.
Nothing like an answer, nothing like what he’d asked for. She was just avoiding the question.
“Fucked up at a party?” he repeated.
“I fucked, I like…I just like…I fucked up, I fucked up,” Ash continued to ramble. “Because like, JJ like…she left me with fucking Maggie, and I like…fucking Maggie is such a bitch. And everyone like, like likes her better, like you and JJ do, and she like, she like, she like…she hates me and I dunno why and I just I don’t, I don’t…and then JJ was all like yelling at me, and I slipped up, and I like…she was all like…she said, she said, I told her, like…I just fucked up, I told her about Dorian, and I didn’t care because he’s such a dick but I feel bad and I don’t know.”
Her words settled for a moment, and there was a long, strained silence as Trevor processes what she was saying.
He drew in a deep breath, his eyes unmoving from the road. “I don’t…” He let out the breath, and the air settled for a moment again. “I don’t understand,” he said in a softer voice.
I really don’t fecking understand.
As his words ruminated in his head, he felt his anger once again lash within his chest, and his brows suddenly knit in confused anger. “Did you really just feckin’ say that I feckin’ like fucking Maggie better than you, Ash?” His voice was low, but his next sentence, said as he glanced over at Ash, rose in volume: “My goddamn girlfriend, Ash?! You really think I like her better than you?”
He rolled his eyes, scowling as he turned into a parking lot. “Are you even listenin’ to yerself?” He whipped into a parking spot, his van halfway across the other parking spot as he parked and turned his vehicle off, and he unclipped his seatbelt and turned to face Ash. “Are you even fecking listenin’ to yerself?” His tone before had been mostly confused, but now, his anger was taking over his voice.
He was pissed.
“Ash, look at me,” he said. He reached out and put a hand on her arm, and then jabbed a finger at himself. “Are you going to give me an answer, or are you just going to keep fecking babbling?”
He turned the car off, and the engine died with a soft whir. His eyes moved back to Ash, dark, confused, and angry. Now that the car was off — now that they were still, now that he could focus on being pissed at her in this fog of his mind — his anger was growing by the second. “What the fuck,” he demanded, “was JJ saying about me being your fecking boyfriend, Ash? You mean to tell me that you told that bitch about us? She can’t keep her fecking trap shut for a single goddamn second — if she knows, everyone is going to fucking know, and I’m just not fucking ready for that, okay? You get that, right? There are two feckin’ people in this relationship, Ash, and — and you said something about getting fucked up at a party, too? And — and — and what tha — an’ what tha hell was that about Dorian?”
He put a hand to his forehead as his head gave a throb. That wasn’t supposed to happen when he was under the influence.
If this was fecking sobering him up, he was going to be even more than beyond fucking pissed.
“Goddamn it, Ash,” he said. “What the hell? Have you seriously fecking been hiding shite from me?”
mood
...
location
rachel
outfit
clothes
...
location
rachel
outfit
clothes
playing...
i wanna slam my head against the wall
i wanna slam my head against the wall
by glaive
mentions
jj, dorian, maggie, newt, & mikaela
interactions
ash
tags
Winona
jj, dorian, maggie, newt, & mikaela
interactions
ash
tags
Winona
Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Ashton West
Her chest was squeezing. She tried to listen to Trevor as he spoke back, but the fog that had settled in her brain was making it hard to think much aside from oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck and breathe, breathe, breathe. The more she tried to stop her head from feeling like it was spinning, the more she tried to keep herself from crying and from breaking down and from feeling like... like... like whatever this was, the worse it got.
She wanted... she wanted... she wanted gone. At the time, she'd thought that leaving with Trevor would be the right kind of move (although to be fair, she hadn't really been thinking when she'd left him. But now that they were in the van, and now that her words were making no sense, and now that Trevor was demanding an explanation to something that Ash couldn't even put together, she realized that she'd wanted gone like alone.
Maybe not alone alone. Like she'd have been fine with Cap. Or Eli. Or Gen. Or like her dad. Because any of them wouldn't have asked questions right away -- they would've just like, hugged her and promised her that things would be alright, even if she knew -- she just knew -- that they just weren't going to be.
She was going to be sick. She could feel it. The pressure building in her stomach. She squeezed her eyes shut, bowing her head down further to try and like swallow the bile rising in the back of her throat.
“Did you really just feckin’ say that I feckin’ like fucking Maggie better than you, Ash?” His voice was low at first but rose in volume, “My goddamn girlfriend, Ash?! You really think I like her better than you?”
“Are you even listenin’ to yerself?” He continued berating her. “Are you even fecking listenin’ to yerself?”
The car came to a halt and Ash glanced up for a moment to realize they were in a parking lot, and then her gaze was focused back down once more.
“Ash, look at me,” he said.
Trevor reached out to touch her, and she pulled away from his touch, flinching as she wrapped her arms tighter around her, pulling further in on herself. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't speak, her tongue felt all twisted up inside, and there was like, there was just... there was too much.
She didn't even have time to breathe between everything.
“Are you going to give me an answer, or are you just going to keep fecking babbling?”
She wanted to give him an answer, but she didn't even know what he wanted from her.
“What the fuck,” he demanded, “was JJ saying about me being your fecking boyfriend, Ash? You mean to tell me that you told that bitch about us? She can’t keep her fecking trap shut for a single goddamn second — if she knows, everyone is going to fucking know, and I’m just not fucking ready for that, okay? You get that, right? There are two feckin’ people in this relationship, Ash, and — and you said something about getting fucked up at a party, too? And — and — and what tha — an’ what tha hell was that about Dorian?”
In the time between the mall and now, Ash had completely forgotten about like... about like... that JJ knew. That she somehow knew, and that the only explanation had to be that Maddie had blabbed. Because it couldn't have been Eli, and it couldn't have been Cappie, because they would just... they would never... they wouldn't do that to her, and then she'd slipped up, and she'd told Maddie, because she'd thought she could trust her, but she fucking couldn't, and maybe just all of the Harlows actually really, really sucked and--
“Goddamn it, Ash,” he said. “What the hell? Have you seriously fecking been hiding shite from me?”
"No," her voice cracked, and she shook her head. "It's not... it's nothing. I mean like, you don't like... you're not like oh here's like, all the girls I've fucked, it's the same thing. Like I just... I didn't keep it from you but it wasn't... Dorian's not important, it was like... it was so long ago."
She felt like a knife had been stabbed into her stomach, and it was being twisted, twisted, twisted. Pushed farther in, and that's what was causing the pain in her stomach.
"I don't... I don't know how she... how JJ like... I don't... how she found out, I don't... I don't know," she started, brows furrowing together as she gave a shake of her head again. "No, that's not... I do know, I think, I mean I just... I fucked up, I'm sorry, I told... I told Maddie, because she was umm... I mean she didn't, but I was like, JJ and I stayed at her house last night, and I just..." Ash trailed off again, her voice choking up more as she tried to figure out her words. Tried to make some kind of sense. "I told... like, I wanted to tell Maddie -- I did tell her, because I umm... I wanted to tell her about the... the necklace, and the date, and I just... I'm sorry, I didn't think she'd... JJ I didn't think..."
"And you do, you do like Maggie better, because you like... you went to that fucked family dinner with her, remember? I asked you and you said no and I like... I mean I get that you don't, that we're not like... public but you don't have to like, like, like... like go on dates with girls that fucking hate me."
That didn't make sense.
Half of what she was saying didn't make sense.
She wanted... she wanted... she wanted gone. At the time, she'd thought that leaving with Trevor would be the right kind of move (although to be fair, she hadn't really been thinking when she'd left him. But now that they were in the van, and now that her words were making no sense, and now that Trevor was demanding an explanation to something that Ash couldn't even put together, she realized that she'd wanted gone like alone.
Maybe not alone alone. Like she'd have been fine with Cap. Or Eli. Or Gen. Or like her dad. Because any of them wouldn't have asked questions right away -- they would've just like, hugged her and promised her that things would be alright, even if she knew -- she just knew -- that they just weren't going to be.
She was going to be sick. She could feel it. The pressure building in her stomach. She squeezed her eyes shut, bowing her head down further to try and like swallow the bile rising in the back of her throat.
“Did you really just feckin’ say that I feckin’ like fucking Maggie better than you, Ash?” His voice was low at first but rose in volume, “My goddamn girlfriend, Ash?! You really think I like her better than you?”
“Are you even listenin’ to yerself?” He continued berating her. “Are you even fecking listenin’ to yerself?”
The car came to a halt and Ash glanced up for a moment to realize they were in a parking lot, and then her gaze was focused back down once more.
“Ash, look at me,” he said.
Trevor reached out to touch her, and she pulled away from his touch, flinching as she wrapped her arms tighter around her, pulling further in on herself. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't speak, her tongue felt all twisted up inside, and there was like, there was just... there was too much.
She didn't even have time to breathe between everything.
“Are you going to give me an answer, or are you just going to keep fecking babbling?”
She wanted to give him an answer, but she didn't even know what he wanted from her.
“What the fuck,” he demanded, “was JJ saying about me being your fecking boyfriend, Ash? You mean to tell me that you told that bitch about us? She can’t keep her fecking trap shut for a single goddamn second — if she knows, everyone is going to fucking know, and I’m just not fucking ready for that, okay? You get that, right? There are two feckin’ people in this relationship, Ash, and — and you said something about getting fucked up at a party, too? And — and — and what tha — an’ what tha hell was that about Dorian?”
In the time between the mall and now, Ash had completely forgotten about like... about like... that JJ knew. That she somehow knew, and that the only explanation had to be that Maddie had blabbed. Because it couldn't have been Eli, and it couldn't have been Cappie, because they would just... they would never... they wouldn't do that to her, and then she'd slipped up, and she'd told Maddie, because she'd thought she could trust her, but she fucking couldn't, and maybe just all of the Harlows actually really, really sucked and--
“Goddamn it, Ash,” he said. “What the hell? Have you seriously fecking been hiding shite from me?”
"No," her voice cracked, and she shook her head. "It's not... it's nothing. I mean like, you don't like... you're not like oh here's like, all the girls I've fucked, it's the same thing. Like I just... I didn't keep it from you but it wasn't... Dorian's not important, it was like... it was so long ago."
She felt like a knife had been stabbed into her stomach, and it was being twisted, twisted, twisted. Pushed farther in, and that's what was causing the pain in her stomach.
"I don't... I don't know how she... how JJ like... I don't... how she found out, I don't... I don't know," she started, brows furrowing together as she gave a shake of her head again. "No, that's not... I do know, I think, I mean I just... I fucked up, I'm sorry, I told... I told Maddie, because she was umm... I mean she didn't, but I was like, JJ and I stayed at her house last night, and I just..." Ash trailed off again, her voice choking up more as she tried to figure out her words. Tried to make some kind of sense. "I told... like, I wanted to tell Maddie -- I did tell her, because I umm... I wanted to tell her about the... the necklace, and the date, and I just... I'm sorry, I didn't think she'd... JJ I didn't think..."
"And you do, you do like Maggie better, because you like... you went to that fucked family dinner with her, remember? I asked you and you said no and I like... I mean I get that you don't, that we're not like... public but you don't have to like, like, like... like go on dates with girls that fucking hate me."
That didn't make sense.
Half of what she was saying didn't make sense.
mood
ehhhhh
location
the mall
outfit
something cute that JJ definitely hates
ehhhhh
location
the mall
outfit
something cute that JJ definitely hates
playing...
Hate Me (Sometimes)
Hate Me (Sometimes)
by Stand Atlantic
mentions
JJ, Dori, Maggie, idk some others
interactions
Trevor
tags
ohdittoh
JJ, Dori, Maggie, idk some others
interactions
Trevor
tags
ohdittoh
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
LINDSAY MORGAN KAY
“…Hello. You have reached the personal number of Frederick Westborne. Please leave a message, company name, and contact information after the tone, and expect correspondence within the next three to five business days. If this is an urgent call, please hang up and try ag —”
Click.
Tap-tap-tap…tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…tap-tap.
Brrrrrrr…
Brrrrrrr…
Brrrrrr…
“…Hello. You have reached the personal number of Frederick Westborne. Please leave a messa —“
Click.
Tap…tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…tap-tap-tap.
Brrrrrrr…
Brrrrrrr…
Brrrrrr…
“…Hello. You have reached the personal number of Frederick Westborne. Please leave a message, company name, and contact information after the tone, and expect correspondence within the next three to five business days. If this is an urgent call, please hang up and try again."
BEEEEEEP.
“Hey…” ...ahem. “Uhm…hey. Dad, uh. Hi. This is…it’s Lindsay. You know…Kay? I, uh…I’m at the hospital…"
...
"Oh, and uh. Uhm…”
Ahem.
“And the police are here.”
BANG!
“Fucking —“
SLAM!
“Damn it, damn it —…”
…
“Oh…”
Toilet paper littered the floor. Great green globs of soap splattered the walls and floors, too, all radiating from a soap bottle on the floor whose top lay broken to the side of the toilet. There was a hole in the wall beneath the sink that sprayed water. And now, Lin, who had just came to a stop to glare at his red-faced self in the mirror, spotted a very big fucking issue in his periphery.
His eyes trailed down to further inspect said issue.
In a matter of a few instants, the boy went through the five stages of grief.
“Shitty. Fucking…” His hand reached over to touch the cold faucet lever, which was now — yep — fucking bent at a goddamn forty degree angle.
He held it weakly in his hand for a second, his heart giving a couple of solid thuds within his chest. “Tits,” he mumbled, and then he desperately begged, “Nonononononononononononononononononononono.” He gripped the handle, giving it a turn this way and that, but it still wouldn’t turn the water off, seeing as it was bent at a forty degree angle.
His brows knit together, and his teeth grit again. “Fuck this shit!” he yelled. “Fuck it, fuck it, fuckfuckfuck —“ His foot kicked at the toilet, which gave a thunk. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck —“ He picked up the soap again, slamming it at the ground again with a “NNN!” He dropped to his knees and slammed his fist on the ground. “God! Fucking! Shitty balls! Shitty…fucking…”
He slowly lifted his head to glance at the sink, which still poured water, and then at its bent faucet. Drawing in a deep breath, he ran through his options.
Fix it.
No, no, no, did he look like a fucking blacksmith? Fuck no.
Run.
Runnnn.
That was it.
Slowly, he pushed off of the ground, swallowing hard. Reaching over and turning the faucet to the general spot where it had been when it’d been off, Lin flicked off the light. He stared at the light beneath the door for a second.
No one would ever know.
Turning on his heel, Lin exited the room, casually shutting the door and drawing in a deep breath.
When the door shut behind him and he exited, he let out a long breath, walking through the short hallway from the family bathroom back to Zeph’s hospital room.
His frustration, even after that episode, still wasn’t gone, though. His arms crossed tightly, he flopped his body against the wall as soon as he walked into the room.
“This is such bullshit,” he mumbled to himself, slouching in his flopped position for a few moments and staring up at the light. “Fucking shit, man.” Today was supposed to be a hella fun day with his new best friend who’d sprouted some balls. And once that plan had flopped, it was supposed to be a fucking GTA day.
But the guy had to revert back to his little bitch state for a minute or something, and now they were here, and Weak Bones and No Balls McGee was laying in the hospital bed with a fucking broken arm or something.
This was bullshit.
And what was worse was that Lin was stuck with him. Like he was fucking responsible for him now or something. Fuck no. Ess-em-aych. This was such fucking bullshit.
Pushing off the wall, he walked over to Zeph. “The shit I do for you, man,” he huffed, dropping down backwards into the chair to the side of the bed. “You know what you did, bro? You literally fucked up our whole Saturday.” He scoffed. “Great going, Zeph. Really fucking great going.”
Sighing deeply, he flopped his arms out across Zeph’s legs. “You fucking owe me. You literally fucking owe me. My dad’s gonna kill me because of you.” He looked over at Zeph, glaring slightly with a pout on his face. “He’s going to fucking kill me because of your bullshit, man. Why the fuck did you have to go do this, Zephy? I thought you were fucking better than that.”
He noticed Zeph tapping on his phone, and he stood up, swinging off of the chair by grabbing the IV bag hanger. “What’re you doing now, huh?” He reached over and snatched his phone, holding his arms away from Zeph as he squinted at the screen. He rolled his eyes and scoffed when he read the screen. “You’re texting your fucking girlfriend right now, bro?” He looked at Zeph judgmentally, snickering, and then he paused a second.
Dropping Zeph’s phone onto the bed from his height, he sighed, “Guess I should do the same.” He flopped back into the chair again, muttering once more, “This is such fucking bullshit.”
Sighing, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and crossed his arms over the back of the chair, burying his nose into his forearm. For a moment, he sat, holding his breath.
And then, of course, yet again, he grumbled, “This is such fucking bullshit.”
Click.
Tap-tap-tap…tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…tap-tap.
Brrrrrrr…
Brrrrrrr…
Brrrrrr…
“…Hello. You have reached the personal number of Frederick Westborne. Please leave a messa —“
Click.
Tap…tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap…tap-tap-tap.
Brrrrrrr…
Brrrrrrr…
Brrrrrr…
“…Hello. You have reached the personal number of Frederick Westborne. Please leave a message, company name, and contact information after the tone, and expect correspondence within the next three to five business days. If this is an urgent call, please hang up and try again."
BEEEEEEP.
“Hey…” ...ahem. “Uhm…hey. Dad, uh. Hi. This is…it’s Lindsay. You know…Kay? I, uh…I’m at the hospital…"
...
"Oh, and uh. Uhm…”
Ahem.
“And the police are here.”
……………………
“Shit!” BANG!
“Fucking —“
SLAM!
“Damn it, damn it —…”
…
“Oh…”
Toilet paper littered the floor. Great green globs of soap splattered the walls and floors, too, all radiating from a soap bottle on the floor whose top lay broken to the side of the toilet. There was a hole in the wall beneath the sink that sprayed water. And now, Lin, who had just came to a stop to glare at his red-faced self in the mirror, spotted a very big fucking issue in his periphery.
His eyes trailed down to further inspect said issue.
In a matter of a few instants, the boy went through the five stages of grief.
“Shitty. Fucking…” His hand reached over to touch the cold faucet lever, which was now — yep — fucking bent at a goddamn forty degree angle.
He held it weakly in his hand for a second, his heart giving a couple of solid thuds within his chest. “Tits,” he mumbled, and then he desperately begged, “Nonononononononononononononononononononono.” He gripped the handle, giving it a turn this way and that, but it still wouldn’t turn the water off, seeing as it was bent at a forty degree angle.
His brows knit together, and his teeth grit again. “Fuck this shit!” he yelled. “Fuck it, fuck it, fuckfuckfuck —“ His foot kicked at the toilet, which gave a thunk. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck —“ He picked up the soap again, slamming it at the ground again with a “NNN!” He dropped to his knees and slammed his fist on the ground. “God! Fucking! Shitty balls! Shitty…fucking…”
He slowly lifted his head to glance at the sink, which still poured water, and then at its bent faucet. Drawing in a deep breath, he ran through his options.
Fix it.
No, no, no, did he look like a fucking blacksmith? Fuck no.
Run.
Runnnn.
That was it.
Slowly, he pushed off of the ground, swallowing hard. Reaching over and turning the faucet to the general spot where it had been when it’d been off, Lin flicked off the light. He stared at the light beneath the door for a second.
No one would ever know.
Turning on his heel, Lin exited the room, casually shutting the door and drawing in a deep breath.
When the door shut behind him and he exited, he let out a long breath, walking through the short hallway from the family bathroom back to Zeph’s hospital room.
His frustration, even after that episode, still wasn’t gone, though. His arms crossed tightly, he flopped his body against the wall as soon as he walked into the room.
“This is such bullshit,” he mumbled to himself, slouching in his flopped position for a few moments and staring up at the light. “Fucking shit, man.” Today was supposed to be a hella fun day with his new best friend who’d sprouted some balls. And once that plan had flopped, it was supposed to be a fucking GTA day.
But the guy had to revert back to his little bitch state for a minute or something, and now they were here, and Weak Bones and No Balls McGee was laying in the hospital bed with a fucking broken arm or something.
This was bullshit.
And what was worse was that Lin was stuck with him. Like he was fucking responsible for him now or something. Fuck no. Ess-em-aych. This was such fucking bullshit.
Pushing off the wall, he walked over to Zeph. “The shit I do for you, man,” he huffed, dropping down backwards into the chair to the side of the bed. “You know what you did, bro? You literally fucked up our whole Saturday.” He scoffed. “Great going, Zeph. Really fucking great going.”
Sighing deeply, he flopped his arms out across Zeph’s legs. “You fucking owe me. You literally fucking owe me. My dad’s gonna kill me because of you.” He looked over at Zeph, glaring slightly with a pout on his face. “He’s going to fucking kill me because of your bullshit, man. Why the fuck did you have to go do this, Zephy? I thought you were fucking better than that.”
He noticed Zeph tapping on his phone, and he stood up, swinging off of the chair by grabbing the IV bag hanger. “What’re you doing now, huh?” He reached over and snatched his phone, holding his arms away from Zeph as he squinted at the screen. He rolled his eyes and scoffed when he read the screen. “You’re texting your fucking girlfriend right now, bro?” He looked at Zeph judgmentally, snickering, and then he paused a second.
Dropping Zeph’s phone onto the bed from his height, he sighed, “Guess I should do the same.” He flopped back into the chair again, muttering once more, “This is such fucking bullshit.”
hey im in the hospital rn
That was it. That was all she needed to know.Sighing, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and crossed his arms over the back of the chair, burying his nose into his forearm. For a moment, he sat, holding his breath.
And then, of course, yet again, he grumbled, “This is such fucking bullshit.”
mood
fucking bullshit
location
the hospital i fucking guess
outfit
clothes now
fucking bullshit
location
the hospital i fucking guess
outfit
clothes now
playing...
we'll be okay
we'll be okay
by lindsay kay
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
trevor callaghan
“No.”
Trevor’s eyes rolled into his head, and he grit his jaw. Oh my fucking God.
She shook her head. “It’s not…it’s nothing. I mean like, you don’t like…you’re not like oh here’s like, all the girls I’ve fucked, it’s the same thing. Like I just…I didn’t keep it from you but it wasn’t…Dorian’s not important, it was like…it was so long ago.”
It was more than feckin’ fucking though, wasn’t it? His brows knit together, his lip pulling up into a scowl.
“I don’t…I don’t know how she…how JJ like…I don’t know…how she found out, I don’t…I don’t know,” Ash said, her brows furrowing together, and she shook her head again. “No, that’s not…I do know, I think, I mean I just…I fucked up, I’m sorry, I told…I told Maddie, because she was umm…I mean she didn’t, but I was like, JJ and I stayed at her house last night, and I just…”
She wasn’t making any fecking sense. How hard was it to just — just — just feckin’ spit it out?
“I told…like, I wanted to tell Maddie — I didn’t tell her, because I umm…I wanted to tell her about the…the necklace, and the date, and I just…I’m sorry, I didn’t thinks she’d…JJ I didn’t think…”
“So you told Maddie?” Trevor scoffed. “Feckin’ Maddie?! And you expected to — to be a feckin’ secret, Ash?”
“And,” Ash continued, “you do, you do like Maggie better, because you like…you went to that fucked family dinner with her, remember? I asked you and you said no and I like…I mean I get that you don’t, that we’re not like…public but you don’t have to like, like, like…like go on dates with girls that fucking hate me.”
The irony of Ash’s words were a twelve-gallon bucket of gasoline dropped on the fire burning in his chest. The anger inside him made him feel nauseated for a moment, but vitriolic words came out of his mouth in place of any actual vomit, far before he could stop them or before he could even really register — in his unfortunate now-sobered-uppedness, goddamn it — what was happening.
“It wasn’t a fucking date, Ash!” He squeezed his eyes shut, slammed his wrist on the wheel, whipping his shoulder back against the seat, and then jerked his head in Ash’s direction, a furious look in his eyes. “God feckin’ —“ He jabbed a finger into his chest. “I was told that I was going to feckin’ something in exchange for weed and that Jo would stop stealin’ my weed if I went, and I’m a goddamn stoner, Jesus Christ! No more feckin’ details, I just heard weed and feckin’ went — it’s not that hard to fucking grasp!” He shifted his wrist back, now gripping the wheel. His knuckles strained beneath his skin. The joints were outlined in red, and the knuckles were a stark white.
He was shaking — physically shaking. “I was fucking tricked into enduring literal feckin’ torture, and —“ The next thought burned, and he looked around and out the window, struggling to get the first sound of the next sentence out, his shoulders shifting as though the word was pacing around and looking for an escape.
Finally, it erupted from him as he looked back at Ash: “And fuck, applying that goddamn logic, then you like Lucky better than me, then!” He stared at her, his eyes widening for a second as his own words resonated within him.
And then he realized how fucking true that statement was — that if she was saying that shite, then that shite should apply to her, too.
And everything he’d been keeping down — every bit that he’d been trying his best to overlook, every single thing that she’d told him was nothing, every single goddamn instant where he got that uneasy, queasy feeling in his chest and forced himself to shut up about and called himself idiotic over or mocked himself for thinking, every single feckin’ thing rose to the surface of his mind.
And it wouldn’t leave.
He lifted his hand off of the wheel to slam it against the wheel again, but his furious eyes didn’t leave Ash. “You went on a feckin’ date with him, so did that mean something, Ash?! Did that feckin’ mean something, huh?! Fuck it, and maybe what Amy said was actually something too, then?!” His eyes were glassy. “Maybe I’ve been blissfully feckin’ ignoring you to be a good feckin’ boyfriend because you said it was nothing when it really was feckin’ something, you think?!”
He held out a hand, and as he began to list the details of Sunday night with yanks to his fingers, he felt as though a hand was trying to choke him and trying to squeeze his heart to the point of breaking. “You went outside with him, got drunk with him, shared a goddamn feckin’ bottle — you hung around him all goddamn night, every goddamn second you feckin’ could!” He slapped his chest. “You think that me, feckin’ miserably sittin’ and starin’ at my feckin’ plate, tryin’ to cut steak with a goddamn butter knife an’ bein’ the utter feckin’ fool yet again because your feckin’ — He aggressively bounced air quotes. “— feckin’ ‘friend’ and everyone feckin’ else just sets out to —“ He slammed his hand into his chest again. “— to make me the feckin’ idiot — practically feckin' make me a goddamn cuck — all for goddamn weed is me likin’ someone better than you?! While you ask me to look the other way while you spend every wakin’ hour you can with that bastard whose goal is to make my life feckin’ hell?! While you almost feckin’ kiss onstage, and almost feckin’ kiss offstage?!”
Trevor felt his own self getting choked up. His brain was telling him to STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPhewasgoingtoruinthishewasgoingtoruineverythinghe’dbeentryingsohardtodo, but he couldn’t feckin’ stop, not when his brain was going and his mouth was going. His voice was strained and pained as he continued in his raised voice. “And — and you just — you just — you just want me to shut up and feckin’ stop thinkin’ about you two, you two feckin’ inseparable totally just feckin’ friends when he’s humping your leg like a goddamn chihuahua at — at every feckin’ chance, as he rubs it in my face that he calls fuckin’ disgusting that he knows you better than me, that he spends more time than you, that you like him better than me, that all he is is just — just better, better, oh so fuckin’ better?! You — you want me to ignore that shite because you’re so feckin’ far above me or something, because you’re feckin’ gracin’ me with your presence, because you datin’ me is you stoopin’ below your level because Trevor’s so goddamn pitiful?!”
Trevor, as his rant finished, slammed his back against the seat, lifting his hands to his head to grip it tightly. God, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, ithurtithurtithurtithurtithurt.
His body was still shaking. His eyes squeezed shut, and tears threatened to wrench out.
“I’ve fucking fucked Maggie before,” he said, and though his voice was softer and seemed calmer, it quivering with fury. He opened his eyes again and set them back on Ash. “If I liked her better, I would feckin’ be with her.” His voice began to crescendo and he jabbed a finger at his chest. “But I’m feckin’ not, am I, and I don’t want to feckin’ do that, ya think about that?!”
He looked away, throwing up his hands. “But let me guess — that doesn’t fucking matter, because all you’re feckin’ trying to do is project that shite you’re thinking about and the shite you’re doin’ onto me so you can feel less feckin’ guilty about makin’ me shove down every single goddamn ounce of sense I have in this goddamn relationship in favor of you getting to do whatever the hell you want.” He looked back over at her. A furious tear rolled down his cheek. “Huh?” he asked in a warbled, angry, hurt voice.
Trevor’s eyes rolled into his head, and he grit his jaw. Oh my fucking God.
She shook her head. “It’s not…it’s nothing. I mean like, you don’t like…you’re not like oh here’s like, all the girls I’ve fucked, it’s the same thing. Like I just…I didn’t keep it from you but it wasn’t…Dorian’s not important, it was like…it was so long ago.”
It was more than feckin’ fucking though, wasn’t it? His brows knit together, his lip pulling up into a scowl.
“I don’t…I don’t know how she…how JJ like…I don’t know…how she found out, I don’t…I don’t know,” Ash said, her brows furrowing together, and she shook her head again. “No, that’s not…I do know, I think, I mean I just…I fucked up, I’m sorry, I told…I told Maddie, because she was umm…I mean she didn’t, but I was like, JJ and I stayed at her house last night, and I just…”
She wasn’t making any fecking sense. How hard was it to just — just — just feckin’ spit it out?
“I told…like, I wanted to tell Maddie — I didn’t tell her, because I umm…I wanted to tell her about the…the necklace, and the date, and I just…I’m sorry, I didn’t thinks she’d…JJ I didn’t think…”
“So you told Maddie?” Trevor scoffed. “Feckin’ Maddie?! And you expected to — to be a feckin’ secret, Ash?”
“And,” Ash continued, “you do, you do like Maggie better, because you like…you went to that fucked family dinner with her, remember? I asked you and you said no and I like…I mean I get that you don’t, that we’re not like…public but you don’t have to like, like, like…like go on dates with girls that fucking hate me.”
The irony of Ash’s words were a twelve-gallon bucket of gasoline dropped on the fire burning in his chest. The anger inside him made him feel nauseated for a moment, but vitriolic words came out of his mouth in place of any actual vomit, far before he could stop them or before he could even really register — in his unfortunate now-sobered-uppedness, goddamn it — what was happening.
“It wasn’t a fucking date, Ash!” He squeezed his eyes shut, slammed his wrist on the wheel, whipping his shoulder back against the seat, and then jerked his head in Ash’s direction, a furious look in his eyes. “God feckin’ —“ He jabbed a finger into his chest. “I was told that I was going to feckin’ something in exchange for weed and that Jo would stop stealin’ my weed if I went, and I’m a goddamn stoner, Jesus Christ! No more feckin’ details, I just heard weed and feckin’ went — it’s not that hard to fucking grasp!” He shifted his wrist back, now gripping the wheel. His knuckles strained beneath his skin. The joints were outlined in red, and the knuckles were a stark white.
He was shaking — physically shaking. “I was fucking tricked into enduring literal feckin’ torture, and —“ The next thought burned, and he looked around and out the window, struggling to get the first sound of the next sentence out, his shoulders shifting as though the word was pacing around and looking for an escape.
Finally, it erupted from him as he looked back at Ash: “And fuck, applying that goddamn logic, then you like Lucky better than me, then!” He stared at her, his eyes widening for a second as his own words resonated within him.
And then he realized how fucking true that statement was — that if she was saying that shite, then that shite should apply to her, too.
And everything he’d been keeping down — every bit that he’d been trying his best to overlook, every single thing that she’d told him was nothing, every single goddamn instant where he got that uneasy, queasy feeling in his chest and forced himself to shut up about and called himself idiotic over or mocked himself for thinking, every single feckin’ thing rose to the surface of his mind.
And it wouldn’t leave.
He lifted his hand off of the wheel to slam it against the wheel again, but his furious eyes didn’t leave Ash. “You went on a feckin’ date with him, so did that mean something, Ash?! Did that feckin’ mean something, huh?! Fuck it, and maybe what Amy said was actually something too, then?!” His eyes were glassy. “Maybe I’ve been blissfully feckin’ ignoring you to be a good feckin’ boyfriend because you said it was nothing when it really was feckin’ something, you think?!”
He held out a hand, and as he began to list the details of Sunday night with yanks to his fingers, he felt as though a hand was trying to choke him and trying to squeeze his heart to the point of breaking. “You went outside with him, got drunk with him, shared a goddamn feckin’ bottle — you hung around him all goddamn night, every goddamn second you feckin’ could!” He slapped his chest. “You think that me, feckin’ miserably sittin’ and starin’ at my feckin’ plate, tryin’ to cut steak with a goddamn butter knife an’ bein’ the utter feckin’ fool yet again because your feckin’ — He aggressively bounced air quotes. “— feckin’ ‘friend’ and everyone feckin’ else just sets out to —“ He slammed his hand into his chest again. “— to make me the feckin’ idiot — practically feckin' make me a goddamn cuck — all for goddamn weed is me likin’ someone better than you?! While you ask me to look the other way while you spend every wakin’ hour you can with that bastard whose goal is to make my life feckin’ hell?! While you almost feckin’ kiss onstage, and almost feckin’ kiss offstage?!”
Trevor felt his own self getting choked up. His brain was telling him to STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPhewasgoingtoruinthishewasgoingtoruineverythinghe’dbeentryingsohardtodo, but he couldn’t feckin’ stop, not when his brain was going and his mouth was going. His voice was strained and pained as he continued in his raised voice. “And — and you just — you just — you just want me to shut up and feckin’ stop thinkin’ about you two, you two feckin’ inseparable totally just feckin’ friends when he’s humping your leg like a goddamn chihuahua at — at every feckin’ chance, as he rubs it in my face that he calls fuckin’ disgusting that he knows you better than me, that he spends more time than you, that you like him better than me, that all he is is just — just better, better, oh so fuckin’ better?! You — you want me to ignore that shite because you’re so feckin’ far above me or something, because you’re feckin’ gracin’ me with your presence, because you datin’ me is you stoopin’ below your level because Trevor’s so goddamn pitiful?!”
Trevor, as his rant finished, slammed his back against the seat, lifting his hands to his head to grip it tightly. God, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt, ithurtithurtithurtithurtithurt.
His body was still shaking. His eyes squeezed shut, and tears threatened to wrench out.
“I’ve fucking fucked Maggie before,” he said, and though his voice was softer and seemed calmer, it quivering with fury. He opened his eyes again and set them back on Ash. “If I liked her better, I would feckin’ be with her.” His voice began to crescendo and he jabbed a finger at his chest. “But I’m feckin’ not, am I, and I don’t want to feckin’ do that, ya think about that?!”
He looked away, throwing up his hands. “But let me guess — that doesn’t fucking matter, because all you’re feckin’ trying to do is project that shite you’re thinking about and the shite you’re doin’ onto me so you can feel less feckin’ guilty about makin’ me shove down every single goddamn ounce of sense I have in this goddamn relationship in favor of you getting to do whatever the hell you want.” He looked back over at her. A furious tear rolled down his cheek. “Huh?” he asked in a warbled, angry, hurt voice.
mood
...
location
rachel
outfit
clothes
...
location
rachel
outfit
clothes
playing...
i wanna slam my head against the wall
i wanna slam my head against the wall
by glaive
mentions
jj, dorian, maggie, lucky, & maddie
interactions
ash
tags
Winona
jj, dorian, maggie, lucky, & maddie
interactions
ash
tags
Winona
Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Ashton West
He was yelling, and she felt like she was choking, or like she couldn't breathe, or she didn't even know. Like she'd had fights before... obviously... but it always hurt more when it was, like, her boyfriend. But even then like... Nico had never yelled at her like this, or had this kind of distrust in her, and she didn't know what to do and she didn't know what to say to convince him against the fact that she didn't want Lucky.
She didn't want him. She didn't.
If she wanted him, she would've made some kind of real move, and she wouldn't be sitting here in this stupid van, being berated by Trevor.
She was going to be sick. She could feel it. The acid bubbling in the pit of her stomach, and she just wanted to go home and like crawl under her covers and not come out until the tears stopped, and the pain in her stomach subsided, and her breaths came in without feeling like they were being stalled.
Ash didn't get it.
She didn't think he was pitiful. She didn't think she was above him, and Ash couldn't understand why he was throwing out this baseless accusations -- as if she actually did. Finally, though, she turned her gaze to look over at him, and her chest squeezed. Hard. Her breath kept catching in the back of her throat.
“I’ve fucking fucked Maggie before,” he said.
And that was like a straight punch to the gut that left her breathless, unmoving. The rest of his words didn't really stick with her, because it was like there was a roaring in her ears. A roaring that made it impossible to hear what else he was saying, and her throat felt like it was closing up completely, and then her gaze grew even blurrier as fresh tears sprung to her eyes, and she struggled to catch her breath through a choked sob.
She just stared at him, unblinking, not speaking, as he finally finished his rant.
Ash moved her gaze away from him, back to her lap, as she tried to catch her breath. As she tried to think, as she tried to piece together everything that he'd just said, and everything that hadn't made any sense. She wanted to bite back or something, but she was just... she was so tired. Tired of fighting, of defending herself, of trying to speak out against people like fucking Trevor who berated her over things they made up themselves.
He fucked Maggie.
"You... you fucked Maggie," she mumbled.
And all at once, she took in a deep breath, and she kind of managed to settle her nerves. At least get the sobs to subside enough that she was able to speak, albeit her words were still wavery.
"I..."
She was going to say something, some kind of retort, but she just felt defeated and deflated. There was nothing left in her, so she just shook her head.
"I've ummm... I've gotta... like... I gotta..."
Her words trailed off, unfinished.
Her numb fingers struggled to pull at the door handle, but the stupid van was locked, so she yanked against the handle, and then brought her hand slamming against the fucking door. Finally, through blurry eyes, she managed to find the fucking lock and she unlocked it and pushed the door open.
Before she shut the door, she turned to face back into the van.
"At least Lucky like... at least he's not fucking embarrassed to be seen with me," she murmured, her words quiet and barely even making it out of her mouth. "And at least he picked to like... go to that dumb dinner with me so I wasn't alone. And he'd choose to be there for me over fucking weed."
But now, with her feet safely planted on the ground outside of the van, and the fresh LA air in her lungs, Ash was able to find her voice. Kind of.
"I don't... I don't get you," she sobbed. "I don't want fucking Lucky -- I just want you but you don't believe me. I don't... if I wanted him, then I wouldn't have like... I would've asked him to the fucking dinner first, not you, and I would've like... I wouldn't have yelled at him at Halloween, and I wouldn't spend all the fucking time trying to like... defend you against him and like fucking Javi, and I just..."
"What did Amy even say? We haven't done anything," Ash choked out. "And why... like why would she even tell anything? All of your friends think we're just like... we're just nothing now."
She didn't want him. She didn't.
If she wanted him, she would've made some kind of real move, and she wouldn't be sitting here in this stupid van, being berated by Trevor.
She was going to be sick. She could feel it. The acid bubbling in the pit of her stomach, and she just wanted to go home and like crawl under her covers and not come out until the tears stopped, and the pain in her stomach subsided, and her breaths came in without feeling like they were being stalled.
Ash didn't get it.
She didn't think he was pitiful. She didn't think she was above him, and Ash couldn't understand why he was throwing out this baseless accusations -- as if she actually did. Finally, though, she turned her gaze to look over at him, and her chest squeezed. Hard. Her breath kept catching in the back of her throat.
“I’ve fucking fucked Maggie before,” he said.
And that was like a straight punch to the gut that left her breathless, unmoving. The rest of his words didn't really stick with her, because it was like there was a roaring in her ears. A roaring that made it impossible to hear what else he was saying, and her throat felt like it was closing up completely, and then her gaze grew even blurrier as fresh tears sprung to her eyes, and she struggled to catch her breath through a choked sob.
She just stared at him, unblinking, not speaking, as he finally finished his rant.
Ash moved her gaze away from him, back to her lap, as she tried to catch her breath. As she tried to think, as she tried to piece together everything that he'd just said, and everything that hadn't made any sense. She wanted to bite back or something, but she was just... she was so tired. Tired of fighting, of defending herself, of trying to speak out against people like fucking Trevor who berated her over things they made up themselves.
He fucked Maggie.
"You... you fucked Maggie," she mumbled.
And all at once, she took in a deep breath, and she kind of managed to settle her nerves. At least get the sobs to subside enough that she was able to speak, albeit her words were still wavery.
"I..."
She was going to say something, some kind of retort, but she just felt defeated and deflated. There was nothing left in her, so she just shook her head.
"I've ummm... I've gotta... like... I gotta..."
Her words trailed off, unfinished.
Her numb fingers struggled to pull at the door handle, but the stupid van was locked, so she yanked against the handle, and then brought her hand slamming against the fucking door. Finally, through blurry eyes, she managed to find the fucking lock and she unlocked it and pushed the door open.
Before she shut the door, she turned to face back into the van.
"At least Lucky like... at least he's not fucking embarrassed to be seen with me," she murmured, her words quiet and barely even making it out of her mouth. "And at least he picked to like... go to that dumb dinner with me so I wasn't alone. And he'd choose to be there for me over fucking weed."
But now, with her feet safely planted on the ground outside of the van, and the fresh LA air in her lungs, Ash was able to find her voice. Kind of.
"I don't... I don't get you," she sobbed. "I don't want fucking Lucky -- I just want you but you don't believe me. I don't... if I wanted him, then I wouldn't have like... I would've asked him to the fucking dinner first, not you, and I would've like... I wouldn't have yelled at him at Halloween, and I wouldn't spend all the fucking time trying to like... defend you against him and like fucking Javi, and I just..."
"What did Amy even say? We haven't done anything," Ash choked out. "And why... like why would she even tell anything? All of your friends think we're just like... we're just nothing now."
mood
ehhhhh
location
the mall
outfit
something cute that JJ definitely hates
ehhhhh
location
the mall
outfit
something cute that JJ definitely hates
playing...
Sometimes
Sometimes
by Anthony Amorim
mentions
idk people
interactions
Trevor
tags
ohdittoh
idk people
interactions
Trevor
tags
ohdittoh
Last edited:
Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Zeph Evermore
"Hey," Zeph whined as Lin snatched his phone from his hand to read his text to Stella, and his lips downturned into a bit of a frown. He might've made some kind of move to snatch his phone back from his friend, but the mixture of drugs that had been pumped through his system coupled with the pain in his and tripled with the guilt he for ruining Lin's day quadrupled with the fear he felt receiving the phone call from his father stopped him from fighting back.
Luckily, it was still fairly late in Australia, and his father hadn't answered his first call -- so... he was still safe from the backlash of his dad so far.
He wasn't really sure what his dad was gonna say, but Zeph was... well, he wasn't looking forward to it. The biggest reason he'd been allowed to go across the world for school was because he was considered responsible, but there was nothing responsible about what he'd just done.
Zeph had never done anything close to this, and thinking about how disappointed his father was going to be, and how his mother was probably rolling in her grave about it just... made him even sicker to his stomach.
He did his best to swallow it for now, and also try to not think about Stella and what she was gonna say -- they'd already gotten into a bit of a fight about the Arts Festival shenanigans so... what was she gonna say about this? This was about ten times worse than what he'd been faced with before, and...
It'd be fine.
What was done was done.
Either way, Lin was still complaining, and Zeph felt kind of guilty still. He should've uhh... ah... well, he wasn't really sure what he should've done, except not jump over that fence in the first place. Breaking and entering had just proven to be a bad idea, but he figured right now spouting off about how he was right wasn't the best idea with Lindsay Kay. So for now, Zeph bit his tongue, holding back any kind of retorts.
Lin really shouldn't've found himself stuck at the hospital, anyway. Still, Zeph was glad that his friend was here with him -- even if it wasn't really willingly.
"I'm sorry, man," Zeph started, and he brought his good arm up to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck. "About ahh... well, uhh... you know, all of... this..." he let out a small chuckle.
"How long're we gonna be stuck here?" He asked, and glanced towards the door. "And ahh... what's happening with the... ya know... cops?"
Luckily, it was still fairly late in Australia, and his father hadn't answered his first call -- so... he was still safe from the backlash of his dad so far.
He wasn't really sure what his dad was gonna say, but Zeph was... well, he wasn't looking forward to it. The biggest reason he'd been allowed to go across the world for school was because he was considered responsible, but there was nothing responsible about what he'd just done.
Zeph had never done anything close to this, and thinking about how disappointed his father was going to be, and how his mother was probably rolling in her grave about it just... made him even sicker to his stomach.
He did his best to swallow it for now, and also try to not think about Stella and what she was gonna say -- they'd already gotten into a bit of a fight about the Arts Festival shenanigans so... what was she gonna say about this? This was about ten times worse than what he'd been faced with before, and...
It'd be fine.
What was done was done.
Either way, Lin was still complaining, and Zeph felt kind of guilty still. He should've uhh... ah... well, he wasn't really sure what he should've done, except not jump over that fence in the first place. Breaking and entering had just proven to be a bad idea, but he figured right now spouting off about how he was right wasn't the best idea with Lindsay Kay. So for now, Zeph bit his tongue, holding back any kind of retorts.
Lin really shouldn't've found himself stuck at the hospital, anyway. Still, Zeph was glad that his friend was here with him -- even if it wasn't really willingly.
"I'm sorry, man," Zeph started, and he brought his good arm up to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck. "About ahh... well, uhh... you know, all of... this..." he let out a small chuckle.
"How long're we gonna be stuck here?" He asked, and glanced towards the door. "And ahh... what's happening with the... ya know... cops?"
mood
ow
location
hospital
outfit
clothes
ow
location
hospital
outfit
clothes
playing...
We Like It
We Like It
by Computer Games
mentions
N/A
interactions
Lin
tags
ohdittoh
N/A
interactions
Lin
tags
ohdittoh
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
trevor callaghan
The air stilled. Trevor watched his girlfriend look away from him, her shoulders giving small heaves as though she was struggling for air.
“What?” he demanded shortly.
“You…you fucked Maggie,” Ash mumbled.
Trevor scoffed. “Yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “You act like it’s feckin’ earth shatterin’ — it’s feckin’ not, Ash.” He shifted his shoulder further against the seat, gritting his teeth and closing his eyes. “Does that matter so much? I thought you didn’t give a shite who I fucked in the past, huh?” He set his eyes back on Ash, looking at her through his dark brows. “Since it should matter so goddamn little to me who you’ve fucked, too?”
She was crying.
He didn’t give a shite.
"I...I've ummm…I've gotta…like...,” she struggled. “I gotta..."
“What?” Trevor breathed mockingly. “Run away? What, you’ve got ta feckin’ run away?”
As she started to tug at the doorhandle, he let out another scoff. Could she not even fucking open a goddamn door?! His grip tightened on the wheel.
And then, finally, she made the feckin’ revolutionary discovery that she could unlock the feckin’ door, and she opened the door.
Good fucking riddance. He was fucking sick of her.
But she didn’t shut up. Instead, she turned back, tears streaming down her face.
“At least Lucky like…at least he’s not fucking embarrassed to be seen with me,” she muttered. “And at least he picked to like…go to that dumb dinner with me so I wasn’t alone. And he’d choose to be there for me over fucking weed.”
Lucky’s name burned through Trevor’s ears and his chest. He hated him, he hated him, hehatedhimhegoddamnfuckinghatedhimwitheverysinglefuckingfiberofhisbeing. At every turn, at every single fucking moment, there he was, in the back of his mind or mocking him online or mocking him in person or — or Ash was talking about him or fucking thinking about him or fucking about to kiss him or, or —
It was always just fucking Lucky.
Trevor was sick of it. Sick of hearing his name. Sick of thinking about him. Sick of him, sick of him, sickofhimsickofhimsickofhimSICKOFHIMSICKOFHIMSICKOFHIM. Sick of his face, sick of his voice, sick of his existence, sick of his goddamn cockiness, sick of everything good about him.
Sick of hating him.
Sick of being compared to him.
Sick.
SicksicksicksicksickssICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICK.
The words that came out of Trevor’s mouth were pained, furious, and loud: “Because he’s got fucking nothing to lose, Ashton!”
He had nothing to lose, and everything to gain — everything that was feckin’ Trevor’s to gain.
“I don’t…I don’t get you,” Ash sobbed. “I don’t want fucking Lucky — I just want you but you don’t believe me. I don’t…if I wanted him, then I wouldn’t have like…I would’ve asked him to the fucking dinner first, not you, and I would’ve like…I wouldn’t have yelled at him Halloween, and I wouldn’t spend all of the fucking time trying to like…defend you against him and like fucking Javi, and I just…”
Trevor grit his jaw. “Do you even fucking try with that, Ash?! Do you really even fucking try?! Or did you just feckin’ do it because I was your boyfriend, huh? Because that’s what you should do?! Because I know you were thinking that they’re right — that I’m feckin’ awful, that I’m ugly and weird and better of feckin’ dead!”
"What did Amy even say?” Ash said.
“Amy?” Trevor repeated. “You mean, about you and Lucky?”
“We haven't done anything," Ash choked. "And why…like why would she even tell anything? All of your friends think we're just like…we're just nothing now."
Trevor stared at her for a moment, his eyes still holding the stunned fury that they had before. Then, he drew in a deep breath, leaning back against the seat. He let his grip on the wheel loosen, and he slipped his hand to hold the bottom weakly. He closed his eyes.
Recalling the event made him even angrier — made him so angry that he had to sit back to just try and not lose his goddamn mind.
“Amy said that…” Fuck… He swallowed. “She said that she saw you and Lucky. Almost kissing or some shite.” He opened his eyes, his focus snapping over to Ash. “You know that Amy knows about me and you. She was the one who fucking nursed me on Halloween, Ash.”
He looked forward and out the window, working his jaw before speaking in the same low, controlled voice. “And Jo knows, too. After all the bullshite that Lucky and Saint did to her today — them showing the kind of disgusting fucking shitty people they are — I just fucking told her. I fucking told her, and I told her about how we were going to dance at the dance together and how it was going to be so fucking magical —“ His eyes snapped back to Ash. “Okay? That satisfy you.”
Sighing, he shifted, moving his hand to the top of the wheel again and looking back out the windshield. “There, now you fucking know.” He breathed out deeply. “She knows because your shitty ‘friend’ who’s so much fucking better than me and so much more fucking caring and all of that fucking bullshite is the reason why one of my best friends knows about us, so you can fucking thank him if you didn’t want her to know.”
He swallowed hard again, closing his eyes. “She’s going alone to the dance because of him, too. Him and fucking Saint. I told her because I was going alone that we’d do the date things and shite.” Once more, he looked over at Ash, lolling his head toward her. “But I’m such a shitty person, huh?”
“What?” he demanded shortly.
“You…you fucked Maggie,” Ash mumbled.
Trevor scoffed. “Yeah.” He rolled his eyes. “You act like it’s feckin’ earth shatterin’ — it’s feckin’ not, Ash.” He shifted his shoulder further against the seat, gritting his teeth and closing his eyes. “Does that matter so much? I thought you didn’t give a shite who I fucked in the past, huh?” He set his eyes back on Ash, looking at her through his dark brows. “Since it should matter so goddamn little to me who you’ve fucked, too?”
She was crying.
He didn’t give a shite.
"I...I've ummm…I've gotta…like...,” she struggled. “I gotta..."
“What?” Trevor breathed mockingly. “Run away? What, you’ve got ta feckin’ run away?”
As she started to tug at the doorhandle, he let out another scoff. Could she not even fucking open a goddamn door?! His grip tightened on the wheel.
And then, finally, she made the feckin’ revolutionary discovery that she could unlock the feckin’ door, and she opened the door.
Good fucking riddance. He was fucking sick of her.
But she didn’t shut up. Instead, she turned back, tears streaming down her face.
“At least Lucky like…at least he’s not fucking embarrassed to be seen with me,” she muttered. “And at least he picked to like…go to that dumb dinner with me so I wasn’t alone. And he’d choose to be there for me over fucking weed.”
Lucky’s name burned through Trevor’s ears and his chest. He hated him, he hated him, hehatedhimhegoddamnfuckinghatedhimwitheverysinglefuckingfiberofhisbeing. At every turn, at every single fucking moment, there he was, in the back of his mind or mocking him online or mocking him in person or — or Ash was talking about him or fucking thinking about him or fucking about to kiss him or, or —
It was always just fucking Lucky.
Trevor was sick of it. Sick of hearing his name. Sick of thinking about him. Sick of him, sick of him, sickofhimsickofhimsickofhimSICKOFHIMSICKOFHIMSICKOFHIM. Sick of his face, sick of his voice, sick of his existence, sick of his goddamn cockiness, sick of everything good about him.
Sick of hating him.
Sick of being compared to him.
Sick.
SicksicksicksicksickssICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICKSICK.
The words that came out of Trevor’s mouth were pained, furious, and loud: “Because he’s got fucking nothing to lose, Ashton!”
He had nothing to lose, and everything to gain — everything that was feckin’ Trevor’s to gain.
“I don’t…I don’t get you,” Ash sobbed. “I don’t want fucking Lucky — I just want you but you don’t believe me. I don’t…if I wanted him, then I wouldn’t have like…I would’ve asked him to the fucking dinner first, not you, and I would’ve like…I wouldn’t have yelled at him Halloween, and I wouldn’t spend all of the fucking time trying to like…defend you against him and like fucking Javi, and I just…”
Trevor grit his jaw. “Do you even fucking try with that, Ash?! Do you really even fucking try?! Or did you just feckin’ do it because I was your boyfriend, huh? Because that’s what you should do?! Because I know you were thinking that they’re right — that I’m feckin’ awful, that I’m ugly and weird and better of feckin’ dead!”
"What did Amy even say?” Ash said.
“Amy?” Trevor repeated. “You mean, about you and Lucky?”
“We haven't done anything," Ash choked. "And why…like why would she even tell anything? All of your friends think we're just like…we're just nothing now."
Trevor stared at her for a moment, his eyes still holding the stunned fury that they had before. Then, he drew in a deep breath, leaning back against the seat. He let his grip on the wheel loosen, and he slipped his hand to hold the bottom weakly. He closed his eyes.
Recalling the event made him even angrier — made him so angry that he had to sit back to just try and not lose his goddamn mind.
“Amy said that…” Fuck… He swallowed. “She said that she saw you and Lucky. Almost kissing or some shite.” He opened his eyes, his focus snapping over to Ash. “You know that Amy knows about me and you. She was the one who fucking nursed me on Halloween, Ash.”
He looked forward and out the window, working his jaw before speaking in the same low, controlled voice. “And Jo knows, too. After all the bullshite that Lucky and Saint did to her today — them showing the kind of disgusting fucking shitty people they are — I just fucking told her. I fucking told her, and I told her about how we were going to dance at the dance together and how it was going to be so fucking magical —“ His eyes snapped back to Ash. “Okay? That satisfy you.”
Sighing, he shifted, moving his hand to the top of the wheel again and looking back out the windshield. “There, now you fucking know.” He breathed out deeply. “She knows because your shitty ‘friend’ who’s so much fucking better than me and so much more fucking caring and all of that fucking bullshite is the reason why one of my best friends knows about us, so you can fucking thank him if you didn’t want her to know.”
He swallowed hard again, closing his eyes. “She’s going alone to the dance because of him, too. Him and fucking Saint. I told her because I was going alone that we’d do the date things and shite.” Once more, he looked over at Ash, lolling his head toward her. “But I’m such a shitty person, huh?”
mood
...
location
rachel
outfit
clothes
...
location
rachel
outfit
clothes
playing...
i wanna slam my head against the wall
i wanna slam my head against the wall
by glaive
mentions
lucky, amy, jo, & saint
interactions
ash
tags
Winona
lucky, amy, jo, & saint
interactions
ash
tags
Winona
geminiy
v tired
Charlie Howell
@howedoyoudo has set their status to:
...
@howedoyoudo has set their outfit to:
fuck it
@howedoyoudo has set their location to:
outside the hospital
@howedoyoudo has mentioned:
N/A
@howedoyoudo has interacted with:
Amy, Zeph, Lin
@howedoyoudo has tagged:
Kitsune2202
Winona
ohdittoh
...
@howedoyoudo has set their outfit to:
fuck it
@howedoyoudo has set their location to:
outside the hospital
@howedoyoudo has mentioned:
N/A
@howedoyoudo has interacted with:
Amy, Zeph, Lin
@howedoyoudo has tagged:
Kitsune2202
Winona
ohdittoh
Everything had been going well. With Amy’s help, Charlie had found her dress: floor length, silky, figure hugging, the perfect shade of Lightning McQueen Red.
Everything was perfect.
And then Charlie’s phone buzzed.
“Ames…” Charlie managed, her hand reaching out as her eyes stared down at the words across her screen. “Ames, it’s Lin. I-I’ve gotta go. I have to go.”
Charlie didn’t even think as she exited the cab she had hailed and her feet took her inside the walls of the hospital. Her entire body was numb, fingers trembling as she clutched her open phone in one hand and her wallet in the other. The words seemed to float off the page as she pushed past a group of people into the elevator, jamming her finger into the button for the emergency room.
hey im in the hospital rn
That was it. No details, no explanation, no anything. Just six stupid words and nothing else. Charlie’s hand tapped nervously against her crossed arm as the elevator slowly made its ascent to the second floor, jumping slightly with each tug of the cables overhead.
“Can this thing move any fucking slower?” Charlie grumbled to herself, looking up at the ceiling overhead. She wanted to cry but there wasn’t enough air in her chest to create a sob so instead, she clenched her fingers into a fist with her nails digging into her palm, a reminder that she could feel something, anything, but the stabbing anxiety in her stomach.
DING!
The doors were barely open before Charlie was charging through them and towards the ridiculously long line up leading to the triage and reception. The entirety of the wait in the line was excruciating, her eyes constantly flickering to the large swinging doors that read Employees and Patients Only Beyond This Point. Somewhere behind those doors was Lin, likely hurt and afraid and alone. And there was Charlie on the other side of those stupid fucking doors waiting in a line that didn’t seem to move. Surely no one would really care if she just went through there, right? She could just lie and say she was already there…
“Next.”
Charlie looked over to the receptionist and leaned down to the thinner section of the plexiglass to speak through. “I’m here for Lin-Lindsay Morgan Kay.”
“One moment please.” The receptionist spoke calmly as she typed away at the computer, her eyes squinting at the screen. Another few seconds passed and the woman shook her head. “Sorry, hon, I think you may have the wrong place, there are no registered patients under that name.”
Her heart sunk in her chest, hands beginning to shake. “Not here?” She echoed, blinking the tears away from her eyes. “There must be a mistake, I got a text from him earlier that said he was here. Was he here, did he get transferred?”
The receptionist shook her head again, her fingers expertly typing away as she checked again. “I’m afraid not, hon. There’s been no one by that name registered here today.”
“Is there another hospital or somethin’ I can check?” Charlie asked through a shaky tone. “He’s gotta be here somewhere, he said he was here, he’s here somewhere.”
“Here,” the woman behind the desk offered a piece of paper under the open part of the plexiglass barrier, “these are the other hospitals in the area. He may be at one of those, try giving them a call to see if he is there.”
Reluctantly, Charlie took the paper and muttered a thank you, turning around and heading to a bench. Sitting down, Charlie buried her head in her hands and let out a heavy breath, her teeth grinding together as she stared down at the paper. Lin had to be at one of the other three hospitals, but what was he doing there? Why wasn’t he brought to the better of the four?
“Fuck me.” Charlie cursed as she began to punch in the numbers for the other hospitals.
Lin wasn’t at the first.
Or the second.
Or the third.
Lin wasn’t in any of the four hospitals in Los Angeles so where the hell was he? Lin was a joker but Charlie strongly doubted that he would joke about being in the hospital, especially not now, not with all the drama going on, so what the hell happened? Deep breath in, deep breath out.
dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry
Charlie looked back down at the text, hoping that maybe she had misread it and it was all some big misunderstanding they’d laugh about later, the great hospital goose chase of 2020. But she hadn’t misread it, the words were there clear as day. Her eyes drifted up the text log looking for something, anything that could help her figure out where the hell Lin was. That was when it clicked and she jumped up off of the bench and made her way back over to the receptionist.
“Zephyr Evermore, is he here?” Charlie rushed as she placed her phone down onto the desk. A few clicks later and the receptionist’s face lit up.
“Yes, actually, he is. I assume you know him?” She asked as she slid her a visitor registration paper and asked for her ID.
“He’s my roommate.” Charlie lied, knowing damn well calling herself a friend would not be enough. Her answer was satisfactory enough apparently because as soon as she was registered, the doors swung open to the rooms.
“He’s in Room 16, on your left down the hall.”
Charlie was gone before the woman could finish her sentence, racing through the doors as if they would close at any second. She hardly even noticed the two police officers standing outside as she shoved past them and down the hall.
Her eyes flicked from room to room looking for #16, pushing the door immediately open with a bang against the wall as she looked inside the room. The second she saw Lin, the weight was lifted from her chest as she threw herself into his arms, squeezing him in her grasp as she let out a shaky breath before burying her face into his chest.
“Lin, oh my gosh, thank god you’re here, I was looking everywhere.” Charlie rushed as she tried to calm her racing head down, reminding herself that everything was okay. Pulling away slightly, Charlie reached up to brush Lin’s hair back with her hand. There was a damp spot on Lin’s shirt where Charlie hadn’t realized she had started to cry. “What happened? Are you okay, are you hurt?”
Charlie hardly waited for him to answer before she turned to Zeph, looking him over as she reached down to give him a gentle hug, rubbing a soft circle on his back before pulling back.
“Zeph, what happened?” Charlie asked as she looked down at his leg that had clearly been, in the most eloquent words possible, incredibly and thoroughly fucked up.
As the worry and fear seemed to subside in her chest, the anger and frustration quickly bubbled up and replaced them. Turning to Lin, she reached up and gave him a soft kiss before winding up and slapping him rather harshly in the chest.
“What the fuck were you even thinking sending me a text message like that. You had me worried sick! I couldn’t find you and I thought that you were hurt and I…” Charlie’s voice trailed off as she took a few steps away from the pair to rub her temples and to stop herself from crying again. A few breaths in, a few breaths out. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t snap.” She eventually managed, turning back to the duo. “I’m just… I’m glad you’re okay, you both had me so worried.” Reaching out, Charlie grabbed Lin and Zeph’s hands, giving them both a squeeze as she looked at Lin. “Hey, why don’t we go grab Zeph something to drink, it’s pretty dry in here.”
An excuse, of course, but Charlie needed to get out of that room and regroup, and Zeph certainly didn’t need her tension along with whatever was going on with him. So, Charlie dropped Zeph’s hand while keeping her other laced with Lin’s as she pulled him out of the room.
“Ma’am, he can’t leave.” One of the police officers spoke from in front of her. Charlie tightened her grip around Lin’s hand as she stared daggers down at the officer.
“Come on, we’re just going to go grab a drink and chill for a minute.” Charlie explained quickly. “Give us a break.”
“I’m sorry, miss, but he can’t leave.” He repeated, his body blocking the doors.
“Well that sucks for you because we’re going to go. Follow us or something, I don’t care. We’ll even sit outside, just down there. If you really think we’re going to break out of a goddamn hospital, you’ve got another thing coming.” Charlie spat, though the plea was hidden beneath the venom. A few seconds passed as he looked between the two and, reluctantly, moved out of the way/
Charlie couldn’t even mutter a word until the tray of three drinks from the cafeteria was in her spare hand, her other hand still gripping Lin’s, her thumb running over his knuckles over and over and over again as she attempted to calm herself down. Charlie was pissed but as long as Lin was okay, that was all that mattered.
Heading out through the back doors of the hospital into the outdoor garden, Charlie found a quiet bench and sat down, pulling Lin down with her with the drink tray on her other side. For a moment, Charlie just looked at him with her hand still clasped around Lin’s. Then, after kissing him once more, she settled down into the bench and rested her head on his shoulder as she forced herself to continue to breathe.
“Fuck, I am so glad you’re okay.” Charlie whispered barely above her breath. “I got the text and I just kept thinking that something really bad had happened, that I was going to get here and-and you were going to be gone. Then I did get here and the receptionist couldn’t find you so I called all these other hospitals and they couldn’t find you either and I just kept thinking that you were gone, that somehow you weren’t coming back. You said hospital and I just…” Charlie took a deep breath, moving herself off of Lin’s shoulder and removing her hand from his as a wave of nausea flowed through her stomach. Staring directly ahead at the once-flowered bushes in front of her, Charlie blinked back a few tears. “I’m losing everything and for a minute there, I thought I lost you too.” She managed with a crack in her voice, her bottom lip bitten between her teeth. “I can’t lose you too, Lin.”
Everything was perfect.
And then Charlie’s phone buzzed.
“Ames…” Charlie managed, her hand reaching out as her eyes stared down at the words across her screen. “Ames, it’s Lin. I-I’ve gotta go. I have to go.”
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰
Charlie didn’t even think as she exited the cab she had hailed and her feet took her inside the walls of the hospital. Her entire body was numb, fingers trembling as she clutched her open phone in one hand and her wallet in the other. The words seemed to float off the page as she pushed past a group of people into the elevator, jamming her finger into the button for the emergency room.
hey im in the hospital rn
That was it. No details, no explanation, no anything. Just six stupid words and nothing else. Charlie’s hand tapped nervously against her crossed arm as the elevator slowly made its ascent to the second floor, jumping slightly with each tug of the cables overhead.
“Can this thing move any fucking slower?” Charlie grumbled to herself, looking up at the ceiling overhead. She wanted to cry but there wasn’t enough air in her chest to create a sob so instead, she clenched her fingers into a fist with her nails digging into her palm, a reminder that she could feel something, anything, but the stabbing anxiety in her stomach.
DING!
The doors were barely open before Charlie was charging through them and towards the ridiculously long line up leading to the triage and reception. The entirety of the wait in the line was excruciating, her eyes constantly flickering to the large swinging doors that read Employees and Patients Only Beyond This Point. Somewhere behind those doors was Lin, likely hurt and afraid and alone. And there was Charlie on the other side of those stupid fucking doors waiting in a line that didn’t seem to move. Surely no one would really care if she just went through there, right? She could just lie and say she was already there…
“Next.”
Charlie looked over to the receptionist and leaned down to the thinner section of the plexiglass to speak through. “I’m here for Lin-Lindsay Morgan Kay.”
“One moment please.” The receptionist spoke calmly as she typed away at the computer, her eyes squinting at the screen. Another few seconds passed and the woman shook her head. “Sorry, hon, I think you may have the wrong place, there are no registered patients under that name.”
Her heart sunk in her chest, hands beginning to shake. “Not here?” She echoed, blinking the tears away from her eyes. “There must be a mistake, I got a text from him earlier that said he was here. Was he here, did he get transferred?”
The receptionist shook her head again, her fingers expertly typing away as she checked again. “I’m afraid not, hon. There’s been no one by that name registered here today.”
“Is there another hospital or somethin’ I can check?” Charlie asked through a shaky tone. “He’s gotta be here somewhere, he said he was here, he’s here somewhere.”
“Here,” the woman behind the desk offered a piece of paper under the open part of the plexiglass barrier, “these are the other hospitals in the area. He may be at one of those, try giving them a call to see if he is there.”
Reluctantly, Charlie took the paper and muttered a thank you, turning around and heading to a bench. Sitting down, Charlie buried her head in her hands and let out a heavy breath, her teeth grinding together as she stared down at the paper. Lin had to be at one of the other three hospitals, but what was he doing there? Why wasn’t he brought to the better of the four?
“Fuck me.” Charlie cursed as she began to punch in the numbers for the other hospitals.
Lin wasn’t at the first.
Or the second.
Or the third.
Lin wasn’t in any of the four hospitals in Los Angeles so where the hell was he? Lin was a joker but Charlie strongly doubted that he would joke about being in the hospital, especially not now, not with all the drama going on, so what the hell happened? Deep breath in, deep breath out.
dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry
Charlie looked back down at the text, hoping that maybe she had misread it and it was all some big misunderstanding they’d laugh about later, the great hospital goose chase of 2020. But she hadn’t misread it, the words were there clear as day. Her eyes drifted up the text log looking for something, anything that could help her figure out where the hell Lin was. That was when it clicked and she jumped up off of the bench and made her way back over to the receptionist.
“Zephyr Evermore, is he here?” Charlie rushed as she placed her phone down onto the desk. A few clicks later and the receptionist’s face lit up.
“Yes, actually, he is. I assume you know him?” She asked as she slid her a visitor registration paper and asked for her ID.
“He’s my roommate.” Charlie lied, knowing damn well calling herself a friend would not be enough. Her answer was satisfactory enough apparently because as soon as she was registered, the doors swung open to the rooms.
“He’s in Room 16, on your left down the hall.”
Charlie was gone before the woman could finish her sentence, racing through the doors as if they would close at any second. She hardly even noticed the two police officers standing outside as she shoved past them and down the hall.
Her eyes flicked from room to room looking for #16, pushing the door immediately open with a bang against the wall as she looked inside the room. The second she saw Lin, the weight was lifted from her chest as she threw herself into his arms, squeezing him in her grasp as she let out a shaky breath before burying her face into his chest.
“Lin, oh my gosh, thank god you’re here, I was looking everywhere.” Charlie rushed as she tried to calm her racing head down, reminding herself that everything was okay. Pulling away slightly, Charlie reached up to brush Lin’s hair back with her hand. There was a damp spot on Lin’s shirt where Charlie hadn’t realized she had started to cry. “What happened? Are you okay, are you hurt?”
Charlie hardly waited for him to answer before she turned to Zeph, looking him over as she reached down to give him a gentle hug, rubbing a soft circle on his back before pulling back.
“Zeph, what happened?” Charlie asked as she looked down at his leg that had clearly been, in the most eloquent words possible, incredibly and thoroughly fucked up.
As the worry and fear seemed to subside in her chest, the anger and frustration quickly bubbled up and replaced them. Turning to Lin, she reached up and gave him a soft kiss before winding up and slapping him rather harshly in the chest.
“What the fuck were you even thinking sending me a text message like that. You had me worried sick! I couldn’t find you and I thought that you were hurt and I…” Charlie’s voice trailed off as she took a few steps away from the pair to rub her temples and to stop herself from crying again. A few breaths in, a few breaths out. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t snap.” She eventually managed, turning back to the duo. “I’m just… I’m glad you’re okay, you both had me so worried.” Reaching out, Charlie grabbed Lin and Zeph’s hands, giving them both a squeeze as she looked at Lin. “Hey, why don’t we go grab Zeph something to drink, it’s pretty dry in here.”
An excuse, of course, but Charlie needed to get out of that room and regroup, and Zeph certainly didn’t need her tension along with whatever was going on with him. So, Charlie dropped Zeph’s hand while keeping her other laced with Lin’s as she pulled him out of the room.
“Ma’am, he can’t leave.” One of the police officers spoke from in front of her. Charlie tightened her grip around Lin’s hand as she stared daggers down at the officer.
“Come on, we’re just going to go grab a drink and chill for a minute.” Charlie explained quickly. “Give us a break.”
“I’m sorry, miss, but he can’t leave.” He repeated, his body blocking the doors.
“Well that sucks for you because we’re going to go. Follow us or something, I don’t care. We’ll even sit outside, just down there. If you really think we’re going to break out of a goddamn hospital, you’ve got another thing coming.” Charlie spat, though the plea was hidden beneath the venom. A few seconds passed as he looked between the two and, reluctantly, moved out of the way/
Charlie couldn’t even mutter a word until the tray of three drinks from the cafeteria was in her spare hand, her other hand still gripping Lin’s, her thumb running over his knuckles over and over and over again as she attempted to calm herself down. Charlie was pissed but as long as Lin was okay, that was all that mattered.
Heading out through the back doors of the hospital into the outdoor garden, Charlie found a quiet bench and sat down, pulling Lin down with her with the drink tray on her other side. For a moment, Charlie just looked at him with her hand still clasped around Lin’s. Then, after kissing him once more, she settled down into the bench and rested her head on his shoulder as she forced herself to continue to breathe.
“Fuck, I am so glad you’re okay.” Charlie whispered barely above her breath. “I got the text and I just kept thinking that something really bad had happened, that I was going to get here and-and you were going to be gone. Then I did get here and the receptionist couldn’t find you so I called all these other hospitals and they couldn’t find you either and I just kept thinking that you were gone, that somehow you weren’t coming back. You said hospital and I just…” Charlie took a deep breath, moving herself off of Lin’s shoulder and removing her hand from his as a wave of nausea flowed through her stomach. Staring directly ahead at the once-flowered bushes in front of her, Charlie blinked back a few tears. “I’m losing everything and for a minute there, I thought I lost you too.” She managed with a crack in her voice, her bottom lip bitten between her teeth. “I can’t lose you too, Lin.”
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
LINDSAY MORGAN KAY
“I’m sorry, man,” Zeph said.
Lin looked at his friend with a cross expression, pouting. “Yeah, you better be.”
“About ahh…well, uhh…you know, all of…this…,” Zeph chuckled.
Lin, gripping the top of the back of the chair, leaned all of his weight back, leaning his head toward the ceiling and letting out a loud groan straight from his throat. “Ugh, bro…” He flopped forward all at once, dropping his arms by his side, and there was a whump as his chest collided with the pillowed back. He plopped his chin down on top of the back of the chair.
“How long’re we gonna be stuck here?” Zeph asked. “And ahh…what’s happening with the…ya know…cops?”
Lin’s eyes followed his friends’ to the door and out its little window for a moment. A burly, underbite-having beast leaned, with his arms crossed, leaning beside the doorway, chattering with a large woman who looked like motherfuckin’ Trenchbull. “Why the fuck they got two of them?” he muttered beneath his breath, and, with a whine, he looked back at Zeph. “I don’t knowww.” His head leaned so that his ear was against the top of the chair now. “Shouldn’t you know?” His blue eyes narrowed. “You’re the one who got us in here, you pussy. It’s not like —“
There was a sudden slam, and Lin jerked in surprise, holding his hands up instinctively as he stood up and whipped around to face the door. “I swear, it wasn’t me this time, offic —“
There was a split second where his eyes took in the information in front of his eyes, his bodily mechanisms gumming up.
And then, he began, “Char —“
And suddenly, he couldn’t breathe thanks to a pair of arms wrapped around his torso.
“‘sup,” he greeted.
Her head was buried in his chest, and her words were muffled against him. “Lin, oh my gosh, thank god you’re here, I was looking everywhere.” She pulled back slightly, then reached up to brush Lin’s still-damp hair back with her hand. “What happened? Are you okay, are you hurt?”
Lin shrugged with an eyeroll, huffing and jabbing a thumb back at Zeph. “Guy’s a pussy and a dumbass, that’s what happened.” He gave a slight grin. “But nah, I’m fine.”
But Charlie was already over there beside Zeph, hugging him and checking up on him, too.
“Eh, don’t worry ‘bout him — lil’ guy did it to himself,” Lin said, flicking his wrist dismissively. “He’ll get over it.”
Abruptly, Charlie turned back to Lin, and she reached up and gave him a kiss. Before he could return the sentiment, though —
SLAP!
Lin recoiled, putting a hand on his chest, his brows lowering. “Hey!”
“What the fuck were you even thinking sending me a text message like that. You had me worried sick!” Charlie fussed.
Lin rubbed his chest, breathing in sharply to give some quick response, but nothing came quickly enough. “I, uh…”
“I couldn’t find you and I thought you were hurt and I…” Charlie stepped back a few steps, rubbing her temples, and for a few moments, she was quiet.
Lin’s brows knitted concernedly. “You…you good?”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t snap.” She turned back to Lin and Zeph. “I’m just…I’m glad you’re okay, you both had me so worried.” She grabbed one of Lin’s hands and one of Zeph’s, and she gave them a squeeze and looked right at Lin.
Lin felt a little pinch of regret in his chest, and he looked away, his cheeks reddening. He swallowed.
He didn’t mean to worry her. Really, he didn’t mean to get her that worked up.
“Hey,” Charlie started, and Lin looked back at her guiltily, “why don’t we go grab Zeph something to drink, it’s pretty dry in here.”
“Dry in…?” Lin repeated, his brows knitting as his brain took a little bit to process, and then he gasped loudly, and he agreed: “Yeah, dry.” He nodded. “Hella dry.”
Charlie dropped Zeph’s hand and laced her fingers with Lin’s, pulling him toward the door.
Lin’s heart slammed against his chest with a sudden realization, and his eyes widened.
Oh shit.
She didn’t know the whole thing about the…uh…you know…
The police.
Lin chuckled. “Uh, I got, uh, some news before you —“
“Ma’am,” said the burly officer, stepping out in front of her to block the doorway, “he can’t leave.”
“Yeah…that,” Lin muttered.
“Come on,” Charlie said, “we’re just going to grab a drink and chill for a minute. Give us a break.”
“I’m sorry, miss, but he can’t leave,” repeated the officer.
“Bullshit,” Lin mumbled beneath his breath, looking at the ground as his cheeks burned.
“Well that sucks for you before we’re going to go,” Charlie said.
Lin looked over at her, his brows knitting.
“Follow us or something, I don’t care,” she continued. “Well even sit outside, just down there. If you really think we’re going to break out of a goddamn hospital, you’ve got another thing coming.”
Lin stared at her for a moment, just purely admiring her. She’s. So. Fucking. Gnarly.
He looked to the officer, giving him his most winning grin and puppy dog eyes. The officer looked between him and Charlie and him and Charlie and him and Charlie, and then finally, sighing, he stepped aside.
“Big ups, my guy,” Lin said, giving him a salute and cackling softly.
Lin looked at Charlie, opening his mouth to say something, but Charlie’s odd silence made him realize, I should probably just shut up right now.
So he did.
They were out of the hospital and into the garden with a tray of drinks in a few minutes, and Charlie sat down on a bench and tugged Lin to sit beside her.
Lin didn’t look at her for a second, his face burning with the blush of shame, and then he slowly peeled his eyes from the ground and gave Charlie his most confident grin.
They just kinda looked at each other for a few moments.
Lin’s grin twinged a little bit.
They just kept staring.
It fell.
Another moment.
And then she leaned over and kissed him again.
Lin, still, watched her lean her head against his shoulder, and then he looked out at the gardens. A water fountain bubbled on the far end. A turtle swam to the surface.
His heart beat guiltily in his chest.
He felt like he was being scolded, even though no one was talking.
He hated that feeling.
When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. “Fuck, I am so glad you’re okay.”
He looked over at his girlfriend again.
“I got the text and I just kept thinking that something really bad had happened, that I was going to get here and — and you were going to be gone.” His chest squeezed. “Then I did get here and the receptionist couldn’t find you so I called all these other hospitals and they couldn’t find you either and I just kept thinking that you were gone, that somehow you weren’t coming back. You said hospital and I just…”
Charlie moved off of Lin’s shoulder, unlacing their hands and looking out at the bushes.
Lin’s chest panged painfully, and he looked at the bushes, too.
“I’m losing everything and for a minute there, I thought I lost you too,” she said, her voice cracking.
“Charlie…,” he breathed, looking over at her.
“I can’t lose you too, Lin,” she said.
Lin stared at her for a moment. Fuck, fuck, what had he done? He drew in a deep, pained breath, and cautiously, his arm reached out to wrap around her shoulder, and then the other came around her front to pull him to his side in a hug.
“You won’t lose me,” he said softly. “I’m here, Charlie.”
He held her for a long moment, listening to the bubbling of the fountain and the guilty thoughts swarming through his head, and then he pulled back from her, groaning and resting his elbows on his knees, folding his hands across his forehead. “Oh fuck,” he muttered. “I, like…I’m so sorry, Charlie. I should’ve told you more. I didn’t think. I mean, like, I just, like, I wasn’t thinking and shit, y’know. I just…” His words struggled to come out for a moment, and then all at once, he flopped his back against the bench, flopping his limbs out and looking up at the sky. He put the back of his hand against his forehead. “I was just so fucking pissed,” he sighed.
Working his jaw for a moment and breathing in deeply, he dropped his hand back to his side. “I gotta tell Mom, too, but she’s busy with her life and shit, and her son getting caught by the fuckin’…fuckin’ cops again after swearing it’d never happen would just ruin her fuckin’ day, y’know? Nun’in ruins your day like…like ‘your son’s bein’ a delinquent again and also his friend’s in the hospital because they broke into the neighbor’s pool’ and stuff like that, eh?” He snickered slightly at that, and then he sighed again, then grit his jaw and kicked his heel angrily against the ground. “Couldn’t even get ahold of the old bastard, either,” he said.
And then he remembered something that he hadn’t told Charlie.
Breathing in slowly, he turned his head to look at his girlfriend. He had no idea how she would take this, but he knew it wouldn’t be good.
Especially given what had just happened now…which was something he’d willingly done.
Swallowing hard, Lin reached up a hand to rub his neck. “Hey…uh…Charlie, so, like…” He grinned slightly, but that expression faded when he got pissed by the recollection of, well, the event surrounding the news he was about to deliver. “So…you know how Pricky Westbastard — O Might One, luhmao — came by and saw me on, uh…Arts Fest and shit?” He drew in a deep breath. “Well, he…he came up to me, and he…he told me, like…he said, like, he said, like, ‘Lindsay…’” He swallowed hard, clasping his hands. “‘Lindsay, son…my reputation can’t take you doing shit like fighting and illegal shit or some shit, if you pull anymore bullshit, I’m taking you out of that school.’” He said it all in one breath, trying to get it over as quickly as possible, and when he’d finished rattling it of, it dawned on him again. “Oh shit.”
He looked over at Charlie. For some fucking reason, he was tearing up — but he wasn’t a fucking crybaby, so he obviously wasn’t even fucking tempted to cry over something like this shit. “Fuck, what if I lose my money over this? I…I can’t just fucking leave this place because my best friend’s got weak fucking ankles, Charlie! I’ve got a fucking life!” He clasped his head. “Fuckfuckfuck…” He jerked his elbows in anger, slamming them back against the bench. It hurt, but he just grit his teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut. "This is such fucking bullshit!"
Lin looked at his friend with a cross expression, pouting. “Yeah, you better be.”
“About ahh…well, uhh…you know, all of…this…,” Zeph chuckled.
Lin, gripping the top of the back of the chair, leaned all of his weight back, leaning his head toward the ceiling and letting out a loud groan straight from his throat. “Ugh, bro…” He flopped forward all at once, dropping his arms by his side, and there was a whump as his chest collided with the pillowed back. He plopped his chin down on top of the back of the chair.
“How long’re we gonna be stuck here?” Zeph asked. “And ahh…what’s happening with the…ya know…cops?”
Lin’s eyes followed his friends’ to the door and out its little window for a moment. A burly, underbite-having beast leaned, with his arms crossed, leaning beside the doorway, chattering with a large woman who looked like motherfuckin’ Trenchbull. “Why the fuck they got two of them?” he muttered beneath his breath, and, with a whine, he looked back at Zeph. “I don’t knowww.” His head leaned so that his ear was against the top of the chair now. “Shouldn’t you know?” His blue eyes narrowed. “You’re the one who got us in here, you pussy. It’s not like —“
There was a sudden slam, and Lin jerked in surprise, holding his hands up instinctively as he stood up and whipped around to face the door. “I swear, it wasn’t me this time, offic —“
There was a split second where his eyes took in the information in front of his eyes, his bodily mechanisms gumming up.
And then, he began, “Char —“
And suddenly, he couldn’t breathe thanks to a pair of arms wrapped around his torso.
“‘sup,” he greeted.
Her head was buried in his chest, and her words were muffled against him. “Lin, oh my gosh, thank god you’re here, I was looking everywhere.” She pulled back slightly, then reached up to brush Lin’s still-damp hair back with her hand. “What happened? Are you okay, are you hurt?”
Lin shrugged with an eyeroll, huffing and jabbing a thumb back at Zeph. “Guy’s a pussy and a dumbass, that’s what happened.” He gave a slight grin. “But nah, I’m fine.”
But Charlie was already over there beside Zeph, hugging him and checking up on him, too.
“Eh, don’t worry ‘bout him — lil’ guy did it to himself,” Lin said, flicking his wrist dismissively. “He’ll get over it.”
Abruptly, Charlie turned back to Lin, and she reached up and gave him a kiss. Before he could return the sentiment, though —
SLAP!
Lin recoiled, putting a hand on his chest, his brows lowering. “Hey!”
“What the fuck were you even thinking sending me a text message like that. You had me worried sick!” Charlie fussed.
Lin rubbed his chest, breathing in sharply to give some quick response, but nothing came quickly enough. “I, uh…”
“I couldn’t find you and I thought you were hurt and I…” Charlie stepped back a few steps, rubbing her temples, and for a few moments, she was quiet.
Lin’s brows knitted concernedly. “You…you good?”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t snap.” She turned back to Lin and Zeph. “I’m just…I’m glad you’re okay, you both had me so worried.” She grabbed one of Lin’s hands and one of Zeph’s, and she gave them a squeeze and looked right at Lin.
Lin felt a little pinch of regret in his chest, and he looked away, his cheeks reddening. He swallowed.
He didn’t mean to worry her. Really, he didn’t mean to get her that worked up.
“Hey,” Charlie started, and Lin looked back at her guiltily, “why don’t we go grab Zeph something to drink, it’s pretty dry in here.”
“Dry in…?” Lin repeated, his brows knitting as his brain took a little bit to process, and then he gasped loudly, and he agreed: “Yeah, dry.” He nodded. “Hella dry.”
Charlie dropped Zeph’s hand and laced her fingers with Lin’s, pulling him toward the door.
Lin’s heart slammed against his chest with a sudden realization, and his eyes widened.
Oh shit.
She didn’t know the whole thing about the…uh…you know…
The police.
Lin chuckled. “Uh, I got, uh, some news before you —“
“Ma’am,” said the burly officer, stepping out in front of her to block the doorway, “he can’t leave.”
“Yeah…that,” Lin muttered.
“Come on,” Charlie said, “we’re just going to grab a drink and chill for a minute. Give us a break.”
“I’m sorry, miss, but he can’t leave,” repeated the officer.
“Bullshit,” Lin mumbled beneath his breath, looking at the ground as his cheeks burned.
“Well that sucks for you before we’re going to go,” Charlie said.
Lin looked over at her, his brows knitting.
“Follow us or something, I don’t care,” she continued. “Well even sit outside, just down there. If you really think we’re going to break out of a goddamn hospital, you’ve got another thing coming.”
Lin stared at her for a moment, just purely admiring her. She’s. So. Fucking. Gnarly.
He looked to the officer, giving him his most winning grin and puppy dog eyes. The officer looked between him and Charlie and him and Charlie and him and Charlie, and then finally, sighing, he stepped aside.
“Big ups, my guy,” Lin said, giving him a salute and cackling softly.
Lin looked at Charlie, opening his mouth to say something, but Charlie’s odd silence made him realize, I should probably just shut up right now.
So he did.
They were out of the hospital and into the garden with a tray of drinks in a few minutes, and Charlie sat down on a bench and tugged Lin to sit beside her.
Lin didn’t look at her for a second, his face burning with the blush of shame, and then he slowly peeled his eyes from the ground and gave Charlie his most confident grin.
They just kinda looked at each other for a few moments.
Lin’s grin twinged a little bit.
They just kept staring.
It fell.
Another moment.
And then she leaned over and kissed him again.
Lin, still, watched her lean her head against his shoulder, and then he looked out at the gardens. A water fountain bubbled on the far end. A turtle swam to the surface.
His heart beat guiltily in his chest.
He felt like he was being scolded, even though no one was talking.
He hated that feeling.
When she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. “Fuck, I am so glad you’re okay.”
He looked over at his girlfriend again.
“I got the text and I just kept thinking that something really bad had happened, that I was going to get here and — and you were going to be gone.” His chest squeezed. “Then I did get here and the receptionist couldn’t find you so I called all these other hospitals and they couldn’t find you either and I just kept thinking that you were gone, that somehow you weren’t coming back. You said hospital and I just…”
Charlie moved off of Lin’s shoulder, unlacing their hands and looking out at the bushes.
Lin’s chest panged painfully, and he looked at the bushes, too.
“I’m losing everything and for a minute there, I thought I lost you too,” she said, her voice cracking.
“Charlie…,” he breathed, looking over at her.
“I can’t lose you too, Lin,” she said.
Lin stared at her for a moment. Fuck, fuck, what had he done? He drew in a deep, pained breath, and cautiously, his arm reached out to wrap around her shoulder, and then the other came around her front to pull him to his side in a hug.
“You won’t lose me,” he said softly. “I’m here, Charlie.”
He held her for a long moment, listening to the bubbling of the fountain and the guilty thoughts swarming through his head, and then he pulled back from her, groaning and resting his elbows on his knees, folding his hands across his forehead. “Oh fuck,” he muttered. “I, like…I’m so sorry, Charlie. I should’ve told you more. I didn’t think. I mean, like, I just, like, I wasn’t thinking and shit, y’know. I just…” His words struggled to come out for a moment, and then all at once, he flopped his back against the bench, flopping his limbs out and looking up at the sky. He put the back of his hand against his forehead. “I was just so fucking pissed,” he sighed.
Working his jaw for a moment and breathing in deeply, he dropped his hand back to his side. “I gotta tell Mom, too, but she’s busy with her life and shit, and her son getting caught by the fuckin’…fuckin’ cops again after swearing it’d never happen would just ruin her fuckin’ day, y’know? Nun’in ruins your day like…like ‘your son’s bein’ a delinquent again and also his friend’s in the hospital because they broke into the neighbor’s pool’ and stuff like that, eh?” He snickered slightly at that, and then he sighed again, then grit his jaw and kicked his heel angrily against the ground. “Couldn’t even get ahold of the old bastard, either,” he said.
And then he remembered something that he hadn’t told Charlie.
Breathing in slowly, he turned his head to look at his girlfriend. He had no idea how she would take this, but he knew it wouldn’t be good.
Especially given what had just happened now…which was something he’d willingly done.
Swallowing hard, Lin reached up a hand to rub his neck. “Hey…uh…Charlie, so, like…” He grinned slightly, but that expression faded when he got pissed by the recollection of, well, the event surrounding the news he was about to deliver. “So…you know how Pricky Westbastard — O Might One, luhmao — came by and saw me on, uh…Arts Fest and shit?” He drew in a deep breath. “Well, he…he came up to me, and he…he told me, like…he said, like, he said, like, ‘Lindsay…’” He swallowed hard, clasping his hands. “‘Lindsay, son…my reputation can’t take you doing shit like fighting and illegal shit or some shit, if you pull anymore bullshit, I’m taking you out of that school.’” He said it all in one breath, trying to get it over as quickly as possible, and when he’d finished rattling it of, it dawned on him again. “Oh shit.”
He looked over at Charlie. For some fucking reason, he was tearing up — but he wasn’t a fucking crybaby, so he obviously wasn’t even fucking tempted to cry over something like this shit. “Fuck, what if I lose my money over this? I…I can’t just fucking leave this place because my best friend’s got weak fucking ankles, Charlie! I’ve got a fucking life!” He clasped his head. “Fuckfuckfuck…” He jerked his elbows in anger, slamming them back against the bench. It hurt, but he just grit his teeth. He squeezed his eyes shut. "This is such fucking bullshit!"
mood
fucking BULLSHIT
location
the hospital i fucking guess
outfit
clothes now
fucking BULLSHIT
location
the hospital i fucking guess
outfit
clothes now
playing...
we'll be okay
we'll be okay
by lindsay kay
Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Ashton West
He was...
Ridiculous.
Half of what he was saying -- about her... feeling this way or that, or thinking this or that, that he was, what, pathetic and ugly or whatever? Like it's not like those things had ever really crossed her mind, especially since they started dating, and the idea that he would even... think that little of her was like twisting that knife -- over, and over, and over, until she was practically fucking gutted at this point.
She felt empty inside.
Like there was literally nothing left.
She wanted every exhale to be her last.
“Amy said that…” He started. “She said that she saw you and Lucky. Almost kissing or some shite.” His gaze then turned towards Ash, and she felt frozen -- like a deer in the headlights. “You know that Amy knows about me and you. She was the one who fucking nursed me on Halloween, Ash.”
No, she didn't fucking know that.
She was stunned for a moment -- after the fit he'd thrown over her telling Eli, he'd told Amy?
Like, obviously she didn't care that he'd told someone -- she cared that he'd been so pissed at her. That he'd literally thrown her telling Eli into her face on Halloween, even though he'd told Amy.
“And Jo knows, too.” Trevor continued. “After all the bullshite that Lucky and Saint did to her today — them showing the kind of disgusting fucking shitty people they are — I just fucking told her. I fucking told her, and I told her about how we were going to dance at the dance together and how it was going to be so fucking magical —“ His eyes snapped back to Ash. “Okay? That satisfy you.”
“There, now you fucking know. She knows because your shitty ‘friend’ who’s so much fucking better than me and so much more fucking caring and all of that fucking bullshite is the reason why one of my best friends knows about us, so you can fucking thank him if you didn’t want her to know.”
“She’s going alone to the dance because of him, too. Him and fucking Saint. I told her because I was going alone that we’d do the date things and shite. But I’m such a shitty person, huh?”
She didn't know what to say, what to do. For a moment, she just stood there. Her hand resting on the side of the van door, her eyes glued to Trevor as a mixture of emotions flooded through her. Like... she knew, she knew, that it was nice of him or whatever to offer to take Josie to the dance, but...
Ash swallowed another lump starting to gather in her throat. Her thoughts drifted back towards the conversation earlier, where Eli and Cap had been talking about dragging Ian all the way out here to take her to the Ball -- and she'd chastised them both, because she'd thought that she was going with her totally great boyfriend. Because like... that's what you were supposed to do in a relationship, right? Go on dates or whatever?
No, there was no question about it. Nico had always taken her to the Balls and the dances -- there'd never been a question about it -- even though like... the whole getting dressed up thing and going to those wasn't really his thing, but he'd done it because he actually cared about her. And like, even when her and Dorian had been dating and secret, it wasn't like they were dragging other fucking dates to things.
They were still a couple, they were still a team.
With Trevor...
It always felt more like she was drifting all on her own.
Her gaze broke from his, falling down to the seat in front of her. Shuddering breaths struggled to make their way in and out of her lungs. Fresh tears still rolled down her cheeks, but she didn't notice them. She didn't feel them past the dried tears that caked her face.
"I turned down, umm... I turned down like... like dates for you," she mumbled, "Cap and Eli were even like... Ian was even like, he was almost ready to come out here to go with me, and you just..." her words trailed off, catching in her throat as he gave a little, barely noticeable shake of her head.
There was no anger, no coldness to her tone as she shifted her hazel gaze back to his. She studied his face for a moment, hoping that maybe there'd be something there that would give her the tiniest inkling that he felt anything about this. That he like... felt bad in any way, felt guilty in any kind of way for leaving her on her own like this.
Maybe she was just bad at reading people, because she was pretty sure the answer was a hell no, there wasn't.
"I don't... I don't care who knows, Trevor," she said, "I don't fucking care if Amy or Jo or... or everyone knows, because that's... that's all I really fucking want. I just... you yelled at me for telling Eli. You fucking... you flipped because I got excited and told Eli, and because I told Maddie, and you're just... you're a fucking hypocrite."
She swallowed the lump in her throat again, and she stepped back away from the door. Now, the tears were gaining traction again, starting to blur her vision once more, but this time, she actually kept her bleary gaze focused on Trevor.
"Lucky wasn't trying to kiss me," Ash started again. "He was just... he was just trying to, like... comfort me because my mom was a bitch. See, like, you wouldn't know like... you wouldn't know what that's like, because you only care about yourself and just..." she shook her head again.
By all means, Ash should've slammed the door right fucking there. She should've slammed the door and walked away before she said anything else she may regret, but the mixture of... anger, confusing emotions, just the frustration from the day (and also some powder courage in the form of that definitely not candy that Mikaela had slipped her), she couldn't. Like, she couldn't stop herself from opening her mouth once more.
"Lucky might want to fuck me, but at least he actually listens and cares about me aside from just wanting to get his dick wet," and although Ash didn't say it, there was definitely an unlike you implied somewhere in that attempt at biting words, "and yeah, he did try to kiss me at that stupid dinner party and I should've fucking let him because you were probably, like... off fucking Maggie because she gave you weed and that's all you care about, right?"
But she didn't really wait for a reply.
She didn't really think Trevor had cheated on her, but there was also like... there was Eli's comment around Halloween that was coming back to her, like how he thought Trevor would cheat, and he'd gone on a fucking date with her, and he was just... he was like...
Ash slammed the van door shut, and kicked at the stupid van with her shoe before she turned around and started walking away.
And the more distance she put between herself and Trevor, the heavier the sobs that racked her chest grew. She aggressively wiped at her eyes, her steps slowing when she realized that she didn't know where she was, or how to get home, and she patted at her pocket to feel for her wallet, but she'd left it in the fucking van with her Winter Ball dress, and it wasn't like she was about to turn around and go back to that van.
Her steps slowed until she came to a complete stop since, well, she didn't really know where to go.
(And there was a little flicker of hope in her that maybe Trevor wasn't as bad as she thought, or as everyone thought he was, and he was like... he was actually going to come up, and he wasn't going to just leave her completely alone in a strange parking lot.)
Her numb, shaky fingers lifted her phone up, her other hand wiping at her eyes as she pulled up a number of one person that she knew would always have her back (and also who wasn't on a date today).
She brought the phone up to her ear, and she listened with shaky breaths as the phone rang once. Twice. Three times. She was holding her breath, waiting for the inevitable sound of his voicemail box and realizing that she was just going to be stuck here on her own again, when--
"Hey," her voice cracked when Cappie actually answered the phone. She let out a small, shaky laugh. "I'm umm..." Ash cast her gaze around, letting out another uncomfortable laugh, "I'm fucking lost. I was like, I was with umm... I dunno, Trevor and I got in a fight, and I don't know where I am, and I'm just... I forgot my wallet and I don't, I don't know what to do, and I just... if I send you my address, can you please pick me up?"
Ash waited with baited breath, although she knew what the answer was going to be -- because she knew Cappie would do anything to be there for her.
And yeah, sure enough, he agreed. She hung up, texting him the address, and then she found herself just out here. Waiting in an unfamiliar parking lot for her friend.
Ridiculous.
Half of what he was saying -- about her... feeling this way or that, or thinking this or that, that he was, what, pathetic and ugly or whatever? Like it's not like those things had ever really crossed her mind, especially since they started dating, and the idea that he would even... think that little of her was like twisting that knife -- over, and over, and over, until she was practically fucking gutted at this point.
She felt empty inside.
Like there was literally nothing left.
She wanted every exhale to be her last.
“Amy said that…” He started. “She said that she saw you and Lucky. Almost kissing or some shite.” His gaze then turned towards Ash, and she felt frozen -- like a deer in the headlights. “You know that Amy knows about me and you. She was the one who fucking nursed me on Halloween, Ash.”
No, she didn't fucking know that.
She was stunned for a moment -- after the fit he'd thrown over her telling Eli, he'd told Amy?
Like, obviously she didn't care that he'd told someone -- she cared that he'd been so pissed at her. That he'd literally thrown her telling Eli into her face on Halloween, even though he'd told Amy.
“And Jo knows, too.” Trevor continued. “After all the bullshite that Lucky and Saint did to her today — them showing the kind of disgusting fucking shitty people they are — I just fucking told her. I fucking told her, and I told her about how we were going to dance at the dance together and how it was going to be so fucking magical —“ His eyes snapped back to Ash. “Okay? That satisfy you.”
“There, now you fucking know. She knows because your shitty ‘friend’ who’s so much fucking better than me and so much more fucking caring and all of that fucking bullshite is the reason why one of my best friends knows about us, so you can fucking thank him if you didn’t want her to know.”
“She’s going alone to the dance because of him, too. Him and fucking Saint. I told her because I was going alone that we’d do the date things and shite. But I’m such a shitty person, huh?”
She didn't know what to say, what to do. For a moment, she just stood there. Her hand resting on the side of the van door, her eyes glued to Trevor as a mixture of emotions flooded through her. Like... she knew, she knew, that it was nice of him or whatever to offer to take Josie to the dance, but...
Ash swallowed another lump starting to gather in her throat. Her thoughts drifted back towards the conversation earlier, where Eli and Cap had been talking about dragging Ian all the way out here to take her to the Ball -- and she'd chastised them both, because she'd thought that she was going with her totally great boyfriend. Because like... that's what you were supposed to do in a relationship, right? Go on dates or whatever?
No, there was no question about it. Nico had always taken her to the Balls and the dances -- there'd never been a question about it -- even though like... the whole getting dressed up thing and going to those wasn't really his thing, but he'd done it because he actually cared about her. And like, even when her and Dorian had been dating and secret, it wasn't like they were dragging other fucking dates to things.
They were still a couple, they were still a team.
With Trevor...
It always felt more like she was drifting all on her own.
Her gaze broke from his, falling down to the seat in front of her. Shuddering breaths struggled to make their way in and out of her lungs. Fresh tears still rolled down her cheeks, but she didn't notice them. She didn't feel them past the dried tears that caked her face.
"I turned down, umm... I turned down like... like dates for you," she mumbled, "Cap and Eli were even like... Ian was even like, he was almost ready to come out here to go with me, and you just..." her words trailed off, catching in her throat as he gave a little, barely noticeable shake of her head.
There was no anger, no coldness to her tone as she shifted her hazel gaze back to his. She studied his face for a moment, hoping that maybe there'd be something there that would give her the tiniest inkling that he felt anything about this. That he like... felt bad in any way, felt guilty in any kind of way for leaving her on her own like this.
Maybe she was just bad at reading people, because she was pretty sure the answer was a hell no, there wasn't.
"I don't... I don't care who knows, Trevor," she said, "I don't fucking care if Amy or Jo or... or everyone knows, because that's... that's all I really fucking want. I just... you yelled at me for telling Eli. You fucking... you flipped because I got excited and told Eli, and because I told Maddie, and you're just... you're a fucking hypocrite."
She swallowed the lump in her throat again, and she stepped back away from the door. Now, the tears were gaining traction again, starting to blur her vision once more, but this time, she actually kept her bleary gaze focused on Trevor.
"Lucky wasn't trying to kiss me," Ash started again. "He was just... he was just trying to, like... comfort me because my mom was a bitch. See, like, you wouldn't know like... you wouldn't know what that's like, because you only care about yourself and just..." she shook her head again.
By all means, Ash should've slammed the door right fucking there. She should've slammed the door and walked away before she said anything else she may regret, but the mixture of... anger, confusing emotions, just the frustration from the day (and also some powder courage in the form of that definitely not candy that Mikaela had slipped her), she couldn't. Like, she couldn't stop herself from opening her mouth once more.
"Lucky might want to fuck me, but at least he actually listens and cares about me aside from just wanting to get his dick wet," and although Ash didn't say it, there was definitely an unlike you implied somewhere in that attempt at biting words, "and yeah, he did try to kiss me at that stupid dinner party and I should've fucking let him because you were probably, like... off fucking Maggie because she gave you weed and that's all you care about, right?"
But she didn't really wait for a reply.
She didn't really think Trevor had cheated on her, but there was also like... there was Eli's comment around Halloween that was coming back to her, like how he thought Trevor would cheat, and he'd gone on a fucking date with her, and he was just... he was like...
Ash slammed the van door shut, and kicked at the stupid van with her shoe before she turned around and started walking away.
And the more distance she put between herself and Trevor, the heavier the sobs that racked her chest grew. She aggressively wiped at her eyes, her steps slowing when she realized that she didn't know where she was, or how to get home, and she patted at her pocket to feel for her wallet, but she'd left it in the fucking van with her Winter Ball dress, and it wasn't like she was about to turn around and go back to that van.
Her steps slowed until she came to a complete stop since, well, she didn't really know where to go.
(And there was a little flicker of hope in her that maybe Trevor wasn't as bad as she thought, or as everyone thought he was, and he was like... he was actually going to come up, and he wasn't going to just leave her completely alone in a strange parking lot.)
Her numb, shaky fingers lifted her phone up, her other hand wiping at her eyes as she pulled up a number of one person that she knew would always have her back (and also who wasn't on a date today).
She brought the phone up to her ear, and she listened with shaky breaths as the phone rang once. Twice. Three times. She was holding her breath, waiting for the inevitable sound of his voicemail box and realizing that she was just going to be stuck here on her own again, when--
"Hey," her voice cracked when Cappie actually answered the phone. She let out a small, shaky laugh. "I'm umm..." Ash cast her gaze around, letting out another uncomfortable laugh, "I'm fucking lost. I was like, I was with umm... I dunno, Trevor and I got in a fight, and I don't know where I am, and I'm just... I forgot my wallet and I don't, I don't know what to do, and I just... if I send you my address, can you please pick me up?"
Ash waited with baited breath, although she knew what the answer was going to be -- because she knew Cappie would do anything to be there for her.
And yeah, sure enough, he agreed. She hung up, texting him the address, and then she found herself just out here. Waiting in an unfamiliar parking lot for her friend.
mood
ehhhhh
location
idk
outfit
clothes
ehhhhh
location
idk
outfit
clothes
playing...
Sometimes
Sometimes
by Anthony Amorim
geminiy
v tired
Kian Phelan
@lockandkian has set their status to:
am? I? a? god?
@lockandkian has set their outfit to:
oh look, it's black
@lockandkian has set their location to:
rainbow road, dude
@lockandkian has mentioned:
n/a
@lockandkian has interacted with:
Felix
@lockandkian has tagged:
ohdittoh
am? I? a? god?
@lockandkian has set their outfit to:
oh look, it's black
@lockandkian has set their location to:
rainbow road, dude
@lockandkian has mentioned:
n/a
@lockandkian has interacted with:
Felix
@lockandkian has tagged:
ohdittoh
[tw: Kian’s trippin’ balls]
Dude.
Everything was so fucking weird.
The road before him was twisting and turning, rippling up and over like waves crashing into shore as Kian drove up to the gates. Felix hopped out and began pressing buttons, his lips moving as if he was speaking but no sound found Kian’s ears.
His heart was thudding rapidly in his chest, a bead of cold sweat trailing down his back like ice water causing a shiver to run back up his spine. The steering wheel was somehow soft and fuzzy despite being made of tough leather, the fancy kind that people pay a stupid amount of money for to seem high class or whatever. And the seats, they felt strange too as if they were made of Jell-o. Kian kept sliding around, bouncing up and down in his seat despite the fact that the cart was parked.
“Well, driver. How do you say we get in?” Kian looked over at Felix, the sound of his voice echoing into Kian’s brain long after Felix’s lips had stopped moving. “You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”
“I am.” Kian spoke as he hopped out of the cart to make his way over to Felix, eyes widened as his hands shoved themselves in his back pockets. Reaching a hand out, Kian patted Felix’s shoulders a few times. “If I were to throw you up in the air right now, you’d come back down and land on me and like that makes you a boomerang.” Kian explained in a soft voice, gripping Felix’s face in both of his hands and squishing his cheeks together. “You, my dear, are a fucking boomerang. Like, you’d just…”
Kian took a few steps over to the gate and wrapped his hands around the iron bars, hosting himself up onto the bottom rung. “You’d be like,” Kian huffed as he continued to climb, “you’d be all the way,” another few pulls, “you’d be like all the way up here.”
There he was, perched on the top of the gate, wobbling forwards and back as he moved to sit down. The spikes across the top of the gate pricked the back of his thighs, causing him to yelp slightly.
“Then dude, you’d just, you’d be up here. And I would be down there where you are and-and you’d just get back do-”
Kian’s grip slipped and he began falling backwards, flipping clean over the top in his attempt to steady himself. For some reason, he wasn’t falling towards the ground. Instead, he was just hanging there with limbs flayed out in the air as his head clanged against the bars a few times. His shoe was impaled on one of the spikes, leaving him hanging by his right leg.
Wiggle, wiggle wiggle…
SPLAT.
Kian’s face met the ground and a sharp wave ran down his neck and back, the wind knocked clear from his lungs as he coughed and sputtered out the gravel that had entered his mouth. He couldn’t move for a moment, the ground swallowing him and wrapping around him. Then, everything was normal again and Kian was able to stand, throwing up two thumbs up to Felix on the other side of the gate.
“Just like that! That’s what you’ll do man.” He cheered. A big, shiny metal button caught his eye and Kian made his way over, punching his fist into it.
The gates swung open and Kian ran through them, throwing one arm around Felix’s shoulders.
“Dude, I am a master of the gates.” Kian slurred as he sank into the driver’s seat. His mouth fell agape as he looked down at his own hands. “Felix… do you think that I could be like a leader? Like, you know, one of those like cult dudes.” Kian looked from Felix back to the gates, nodding happily to himself. "Am I a god? Like I just unlocked those things and you couldn't. I am a fucking wizard, Felix."
Dude.
Everything was so fucking weird.
The road before him was twisting and turning, rippling up and over like waves crashing into shore as Kian drove up to the gates. Felix hopped out and began pressing buttons, his lips moving as if he was speaking but no sound found Kian’s ears.
His heart was thudding rapidly in his chest, a bead of cold sweat trailing down his back like ice water causing a shiver to run back up his spine. The steering wheel was somehow soft and fuzzy despite being made of tough leather, the fancy kind that people pay a stupid amount of money for to seem high class or whatever. And the seats, they felt strange too as if they were made of Jell-o. Kian kept sliding around, bouncing up and down in his seat despite the fact that the cart was parked.
“Well, driver. How do you say we get in?” Kian looked over at Felix, the sound of his voice echoing into Kian’s brain long after Felix’s lips had stopped moving. “You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”
“I am.” Kian spoke as he hopped out of the cart to make his way over to Felix, eyes widened as his hands shoved themselves in his back pockets. Reaching a hand out, Kian patted Felix’s shoulders a few times. “If I were to throw you up in the air right now, you’d come back down and land on me and like that makes you a boomerang.” Kian explained in a soft voice, gripping Felix’s face in both of his hands and squishing his cheeks together. “You, my dear, are a fucking boomerang. Like, you’d just…”
Kian took a few steps over to the gate and wrapped his hands around the iron bars, hosting himself up onto the bottom rung. “You’d be like,” Kian huffed as he continued to climb, “you’d be all the way,” another few pulls, “you’d be like all the way up here.”
There he was, perched on the top of the gate, wobbling forwards and back as he moved to sit down. The spikes across the top of the gate pricked the back of his thighs, causing him to yelp slightly.
“Then dude, you’d just, you’d be up here. And I would be down there where you are and-and you’d just get back do-”
Kian’s grip slipped and he began falling backwards, flipping clean over the top in his attempt to steady himself. For some reason, he wasn’t falling towards the ground. Instead, he was just hanging there with limbs flayed out in the air as his head clanged against the bars a few times. His shoe was impaled on one of the spikes, leaving him hanging by his right leg.
Wiggle, wiggle wiggle…
SPLAT.
Kian’s face met the ground and a sharp wave ran down his neck and back, the wind knocked clear from his lungs as he coughed and sputtered out the gravel that had entered his mouth. He couldn’t move for a moment, the ground swallowing him and wrapping around him. Then, everything was normal again and Kian was able to stand, throwing up two thumbs up to Felix on the other side of the gate.
“Just like that! That’s what you’ll do man.” He cheered. A big, shiny metal button caught his eye and Kian made his way over, punching his fist into it.
The gates swung open and Kian ran through them, throwing one arm around Felix’s shoulders.
“Dude, I am a master of the gates.” Kian slurred as he sank into the driver’s seat. His mouth fell agape as he looked down at his own hands. “Felix… do you think that I could be like a leader? Like, you know, one of those like cult dudes.” Kian looked from Felix back to the gates, nodding happily to himself. "Am I a god? Like I just unlocked those things and you couldn't. I am a fucking wizard, Felix."
geminiy
v tired
“You won’t lose me. I’m here, Charlie.”
That was a lie, of course. Nothing was permanent in Charlie’s life, especially not the things that made her happy. All it took was one misstep, an accident that so many other people would make, and her life was entirely over.
Lin wouldn’t be an exception to that rule.
Charlie couldn’t find it in her to be angry or worried or upset. All she could feel was Lin’s arms around her and her body sinking into his touch until he pulled away after a few moments. As Charlie turned to look over at Lin, her heart gave a saddened thump behind her ribs. Fuck, he did not look good. He had insisted he was fine earlier but that look on his face told her something different.
“Oh fuck. I, like…I’m so sorry, Charlie. I should’ve told you more. I didn’t think. I mean, like, I just, like, I wasn’t thinking and shit, y’know. I just…” Lin flopped back against the bench, the wood underneath them creaking slightly as some of the tea in Charlie’s take-out cup sloshed over the edge. “I was just so fucking pissed.”
Another pang of worry. It took everything in Charlie to bite her tongue and not say anything as Lin thought quietly to himself for a moment, afraid of blocking off the next part of his rant that she was certain was coming.
“I gotta tell Mom, too, but she’s busy with her life and shit, and her son getting caught by the fuckin’…fuckin’ cops again after swearing it’d never happen would just ruin her fuckin’ day, y’know? Nun’in ruins your day like…like ‘your son’s bein’ a delinquent again and also his friend’s in the hospital because they broke into the neighbor’s pool’ and stuff like that, eh?” Lin laughed slightly at himself. “Couldn’t even get ahold of the old bastard, either.”
Yeah, Lin had made a mistake but surely no one actually thought that, right? His dad, maybe, because that guy was a complete asshat. But Lin’s mom surely didn’t think that, she loved Lin, faults and all. Charlie did too. Even as much as she was frustrated with him at the time, all she could focus on was the fact that he was okay, still there by her side. Everything else could come later.
“Hey…uh…Charlie, so, like…” Charlie flinched at the grin. She knew that smile and the words that follow it were never good. “So…you know how Pricky Westbastard — O Might One, luhmao — came by and saw me on, uh…Arts Fest and shit? Well, he…he came up to me, and he…he told me, like…he said, like, he said, like, ‘Lindsay… Lindsay, son…my reputation can’t take you doing shit like fighting and illegal shit or some shit, if you pull anymore bullshit, I’m taking you out of that school.’” Lin rushed while Charlie struggled to keep up. The revelation wasn’t surprising in the slightest, Lin’s sperm donor was a different kind of fucked up, but that didn’t stop the pang of anger that shot through Charlie’s stomach. Why hadn’t he told her? “Oh shit.”
Charlie looked up to meet Lin’s gaze and once again, the anger melted away into concern. Lin didn’t usually cry, that was usually Charlie’s job, but his blue eyes were glazing over with tears and his face was reddening by the minute.
“Fuck, what if I lose my money over this? I…I can’t just fucking leave this place because my best friend’s got weak fucking ankles, Charlie! I’ve got a fucking life!” Lin’s hand reached up to cradle his head. “Fuckfuckfuck…” His arms came down against the bench, the wood once again rattling. "This is such fucking bullshit!"
“Hey, hey!” Charlie rushed as her hands shot out to grab both of Lin’s arms to stop him from squirming around and hurting himself. “Lin, hey, stop and listen to me a sec, okay? Just breathe for a minute, please.”
Her hands remained gripped tightly around Lin’s arms as she breathed in deeply and visibly, hoping that he would also follow her lead. Charlie wasn’t sure how long had passed as she sat there just breathing in and out, thumbs rubbing small circles on the outside of Lin’s arms. When everything seemed calmer, at least a little bit, Charlie reached up to push his damp hair back again as she offered him a weak smile.
“It’s gonna be okay, Lin, I promise. I don’t know what happened today but if he does pull your funding, which I doubt he will because it will make him look bad, we’ll figure something out, okay? I-” Charlie stopped herself, her stomach sinking.
In the heat of the moment, Charlie hadn’t realized that Lin’s worst nightmare was already her own reality.
She couldn’t promise to help him. She couldn’t even help herself.
Charlie squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, swallowing hard to force back her own tears. Lin needed her, her problems didn’t mean shit right now. For once, Charlie couldn’t figure out what to say so instead, she simply pulled Lin into her and wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders. The guilt ran rampant in her stomach as she held him. Some fucking girlfriend she was, trying to promise to help when she would be a country away in less than a few weeks.
Finally, Charlie let a heavy sigh out.
“I’m so sorry, Lin.” She eventually managed to speak, her voice barely above a whisper. “I wish I could promise that everything will be okay and that if it isn’t, I’ll make it okay but I can’t. I can’t promise that because I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it.” Charlie fell quiet for a minute, biting nervously at the inside of her cheek. “But I can promise that if something happens, I will do everything I can to help you out. Even if I’m not here physically, I will always be here for you. You deserve to have all of those big dreams of yours come true and if I can help that happen then I’ll do whatever it takes and I know you will too.”
Readjusting herself beside Lin, Charlie’s hand reached over to cup the side of his cheek.
“We’re going to get through this.” Charlie said, forcing the confidence into her tone. “As long as you’re here, we can get through anything.”
Charlie dropped her hand from Lin’s face back into her lap as she shifted herself to look at the fountain bubbling away in front of them.
As much as they sucked, she’d miss these moments with the two of them just being with each other, not having to speak to know that the other person was there for them. Bad situations were meant to break them but every single time shit hit the fan, somehow they came out on the other side stronger. How was that going to work once Charlie was gone?
“They pulled me aside at Art Fest last week, administration, right after my performance. I don’t know what you heard from the media and word of mouth, but apparently something happened with Chas’s film and he blamed it on me.” Charlie said weakly, the shame almost swallowing up her voice whole. “They revoked my scholarship, Lin. It’s over. I’ve-I’ve tried everything but it’s over.” Another quiet moment as Charlie fought back the tears. She didn’t get to be upset, this was all her fucking fault. “That’s why I can’t promise everything will be okay. I’m not even going to be here past New Year's Eve, how can I promise to be there for you when I fucked everything up and I have to go home? I tried everything, Lin, I tried so hard but it doesn’t matter.”
A wave of nausea rolled through Charlie's stomach as the tears she had been holding back began to spill down her cheeks silently. She couldn’t cry, she had no right to cry. Charlie deserved this pain, she fucking deserved all of it.
“You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I didn’t want to tell you because saying it aloud makes it feel so real. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just… I couldn’t. It was nice to pretend like nothing was wrong. I wanted things to feel normal, like everything was going to be okay but they’re not. They’re not okay, they’re never going to be okay again.” Charlie rushed out, a heavy sob shaking her shoulders as she buried her head in her hands. “I’m losing everything, Lin. I’ve already lost my scholarship, I’m losing all my friends, I’m losing my career. I deserve what’s happening but you… you don’t deserve this. I promised that I would be there for you and I can’t even do that right. I’m so sorry.”
That was a lie, of course. Nothing was permanent in Charlie’s life, especially not the things that made her happy. All it took was one misstep, an accident that so many other people would make, and her life was entirely over.
Lin wouldn’t be an exception to that rule.
Charlie couldn’t find it in her to be angry or worried or upset. All she could feel was Lin’s arms around her and her body sinking into his touch until he pulled away after a few moments. As Charlie turned to look over at Lin, her heart gave a saddened thump behind her ribs. Fuck, he did not look good. He had insisted he was fine earlier but that look on his face told her something different.
“Oh fuck. I, like…I’m so sorry, Charlie. I should’ve told you more. I didn’t think. I mean, like, I just, like, I wasn’t thinking and shit, y’know. I just…” Lin flopped back against the bench, the wood underneath them creaking slightly as some of the tea in Charlie’s take-out cup sloshed over the edge. “I was just so fucking pissed.”
Another pang of worry. It took everything in Charlie to bite her tongue and not say anything as Lin thought quietly to himself for a moment, afraid of blocking off the next part of his rant that she was certain was coming.
“I gotta tell Mom, too, but she’s busy with her life and shit, and her son getting caught by the fuckin’…fuckin’ cops again after swearing it’d never happen would just ruin her fuckin’ day, y’know? Nun’in ruins your day like…like ‘your son’s bein’ a delinquent again and also his friend’s in the hospital because they broke into the neighbor’s pool’ and stuff like that, eh?” Lin laughed slightly at himself. “Couldn’t even get ahold of the old bastard, either.”
Yeah, Lin had made a mistake but surely no one actually thought that, right? His dad, maybe, because that guy was a complete asshat. But Lin’s mom surely didn’t think that, she loved Lin, faults and all. Charlie did too. Even as much as she was frustrated with him at the time, all she could focus on was the fact that he was okay, still there by her side. Everything else could come later.
“Hey…uh…Charlie, so, like…” Charlie flinched at the grin. She knew that smile and the words that follow it were never good. “So…you know how Pricky Westbastard — O Might One, luhmao — came by and saw me on, uh…Arts Fest and shit? Well, he…he came up to me, and he…he told me, like…he said, like, he said, like, ‘Lindsay… Lindsay, son…my reputation can’t take you doing shit like fighting and illegal shit or some shit, if you pull anymore bullshit, I’m taking you out of that school.’” Lin rushed while Charlie struggled to keep up. The revelation wasn’t surprising in the slightest, Lin’s sperm donor was a different kind of fucked up, but that didn’t stop the pang of anger that shot through Charlie’s stomach. Why hadn’t he told her? “Oh shit.”
Charlie looked up to meet Lin’s gaze and once again, the anger melted away into concern. Lin didn’t usually cry, that was usually Charlie’s job, but his blue eyes were glazing over with tears and his face was reddening by the minute.
“Fuck, what if I lose my money over this? I…I can’t just fucking leave this place because my best friend’s got weak fucking ankles, Charlie! I’ve got a fucking life!” Lin’s hand reached up to cradle his head. “Fuckfuckfuck…” His arms came down against the bench, the wood once again rattling. "This is such fucking bullshit!"
“Hey, hey!” Charlie rushed as her hands shot out to grab both of Lin’s arms to stop him from squirming around and hurting himself. “Lin, hey, stop and listen to me a sec, okay? Just breathe for a minute, please.”
Her hands remained gripped tightly around Lin’s arms as she breathed in deeply and visibly, hoping that he would also follow her lead. Charlie wasn’t sure how long had passed as she sat there just breathing in and out, thumbs rubbing small circles on the outside of Lin’s arms. When everything seemed calmer, at least a little bit, Charlie reached up to push his damp hair back again as she offered him a weak smile.
“It’s gonna be okay, Lin, I promise. I don’t know what happened today but if he does pull your funding, which I doubt he will because it will make him look bad, we’ll figure something out, okay? I-” Charlie stopped herself, her stomach sinking.
In the heat of the moment, Charlie hadn’t realized that Lin’s worst nightmare was already her own reality.
She couldn’t promise to help him. She couldn’t even help herself.
Charlie squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, swallowing hard to force back her own tears. Lin needed her, her problems didn’t mean shit right now. For once, Charlie couldn’t figure out what to say so instead, she simply pulled Lin into her and wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders. The guilt ran rampant in her stomach as she held him. Some fucking girlfriend she was, trying to promise to help when she would be a country away in less than a few weeks.
Finally, Charlie let a heavy sigh out.
“I’m so sorry, Lin.” She eventually managed to speak, her voice barely above a whisper. “I wish I could promise that everything will be okay and that if it isn’t, I’ll make it okay but I can’t. I can’t promise that because I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it.” Charlie fell quiet for a minute, biting nervously at the inside of her cheek. “But I can promise that if something happens, I will do everything I can to help you out. Even if I’m not here physically, I will always be here for you. You deserve to have all of those big dreams of yours come true and if I can help that happen then I’ll do whatever it takes and I know you will too.”
Readjusting herself beside Lin, Charlie’s hand reached over to cup the side of his cheek.
“We’re going to get through this.” Charlie said, forcing the confidence into her tone. “As long as you’re here, we can get through anything.”
Charlie dropped her hand from Lin’s face back into her lap as she shifted herself to look at the fountain bubbling away in front of them.
As much as they sucked, she’d miss these moments with the two of them just being with each other, not having to speak to know that the other person was there for them. Bad situations were meant to break them but every single time shit hit the fan, somehow they came out on the other side stronger. How was that going to work once Charlie was gone?
“They pulled me aside at Art Fest last week, administration, right after my performance. I don’t know what you heard from the media and word of mouth, but apparently something happened with Chas’s film and he blamed it on me.” Charlie said weakly, the shame almost swallowing up her voice whole. “They revoked my scholarship, Lin. It’s over. I’ve-I’ve tried everything but it’s over.” Another quiet moment as Charlie fought back the tears. She didn’t get to be upset, this was all her fucking fault. “That’s why I can’t promise everything will be okay. I’m not even going to be here past New Year's Eve, how can I promise to be there for you when I fucked everything up and I have to go home? I tried everything, Lin, I tried so hard but it doesn’t matter.”
A wave of nausea rolled through Charlie's stomach as the tears she had been holding back began to spill down her cheeks silently. She couldn’t cry, she had no right to cry. Charlie deserved this pain, she fucking deserved all of it.
“You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I didn’t want to tell you because saying it aloud makes it feel so real. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just… I couldn’t. It was nice to pretend like nothing was wrong. I wanted things to feel normal, like everything was going to be okay but they’re not. They’re not okay, they’re never going to be okay again.” Charlie rushed out, a heavy sob shaking her shoulders as she buried her head in her hands. “I’m losing everything, Lin. I’ve already lost my scholarship, I’m losing all my friends, I’m losing my career. I deserve what’s happening but you… you don’t deserve this. I promised that I would be there for you and I can’t even do that right. I’m so sorry.”
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
LINDSAY MORGAN KAY
Lin’s ears were ringing. The image of the world before his eyes throbbed to the slamming pulse in his chest, wobbling beneath a film of wetness as the muscles around his eyes tensed. He could feel his pulse in his teeth, clenched so tightly that they threatened to shatter. Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud.
This might be it. This might be fucking it.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
He registered a grip around his arms, and he forced in a breath. The noise was returning past the cymbals in his ears, and he barely made out, “Just breathe for a minute, please.” HIs eyes looked over at his girlfriend, and his jaw went slack as he processed her request.
Charlie did what she’d told him to do: deep breath in. He mirrored her, pressing his lips into a firm line as he tried to calm himself. The anger and the shock of his realization coursed through his veins, and he tried to shut it up, but it wouldn’t fucking stop. He could feel his arms shaking, like he was a little fucking baby.
Goddamn it.
In…out…
He let out a sigh, giving a small nod, and Charlie reached up and pushed his damp hair back, giving him a small smile. “It’s gonna be okay, Lin, I promise,” she said. “I don’t know what happened today but if he does pull your funding, which I doubt he will because it will make him look bad, we’ll figure something out, okay? I —“
Charlie abruptly cut herself off, and Lin’s brows knit in concern, a pang shooting through his chest. He reached out and placed a shaking hand on Charlie’s arm. “Charlie?” he asked.
Her eyes squeezed shut. Then, her arms reached out and pulled Lin closer to her, and she wrapped her arms around him.
“Charlie?” he repeated.
She sighed heavily. “I’m so sorry, Lin.”
His breath hitched. “Sorry…?”
“I wish I could promise that everything will be okay and that if it isn’t, I’ll make it okay but I can’t.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “I can’t promise that because I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it.”
Charlie fell quiet again, and concern and confusion shot through Lin’s mind, tugging down his brows and displaying itself in the confused gaze focused on Charlie’s head. “You’re…”
“But I can promise that if something happens, I will do everything I can to help you out,” Charlie said. “Even if I’m not here physically, I will always be here for you. You deserve to have all of those big dreams of yours come true and if I can help that happen then I’ll do whatever it takes and I know you will too.”
She shifted, and she reached up to cup the cheek of the wide-eyed, knit-browed boy. “We’re going to get through this,” Charlie said. “As long as you’re here, we can get through anything.”
Lin grinned slightly at her encouragement. “Only if you’re here with me,” he chuckled softly. He pumped a fist at his chest. “As long as it’s you an’ me, we can conquer the fuckin’ world. Howellin fuckin’…”
His voice trailed off and his smile sank as he noticed that Charlie had pulled away from him. Her demeanor had shifted, and now her eyes were focused on the garden, which indifferently continued its flow. “Charlie?” he asked concernedly.
“They pulled me aside at Art Fest last week, administration, right after my performance,” she said finally. “I don’t know what you heard from the media and word of mouth, but apparently something happened with Chas’s film and he blamed it on me.”
Lin’s expression was frozen on his face, and his heart was frozen in his chest. “What?”
“They revoked my scholarship, Lin,” Charlie said bluntly. “It’s over. I’ve — I’ve tried everything but it’s over.”
Her words still weren’t registering. His heart still refused to beat, waiting for the sike the was going to say.
It didn’t come.
“Charlie,” Lin breathed. The tears that had pricked his eyes before reminded him that they were there, and he swallowed hard, shoving them back with a shake of his head. “Fuck no, Charlie, you’re —“ His voice stopped working for a second, and he swallowed hard. “You’re…” He laughed, wanting to believe that this was a lie. “You’re kidding, right?” But there was no immediate answer. “Right?”
“That’s why I can’t promise everything will be okay.” Her words felt like stabs to his gut, or cold, rattling bullets shot into his eardrums that echoed with high-pitched rattles. “I’m not even going to be here past New Year's Eve, how can I promise to be there for you when I fucked everything up and I have to go home?”
Lin shook his head frantically. “No, no, you —“
“I tried everything, Lin, I tried so hard but it doesn’t matter.” He saw a tear roll down her cheek.
“Charlie, no.” The tears were threatening to fall from his own eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing hard and shaking his head. “You’re not —“
“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” Charlie said. “I didn’t want to tell you because saying it aloud makes it feel so real.”
He opened his eyes. A tear fell. “No, no,” he whispered, desperately trying to will what she was saying to be a lie.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just…I couldn’t.” Her words were becoming a rush now. “It was nice to pretend like nothing was wrong. I wanted things to feel normal, like everything was going to be okay but they’re not. They’re not okay, they’re never going to be okay again.” She buried her head in her hands, and her shoulders shook. “I’m losing everything, Lin. I’ve already lost my scholarship, I’m losing all my friends, I’m losing my career. I deserve what’s happening but you…you don’t deserve this. I promised that I would be there for you and I can’t even do that right. I’m so sorry.”
For a moment, he sat, dumbfounded, shocked, appalled at what he was hearing. A wave of nausea hit him, and his tongue felt like lead in his mouth.
But he shook his head, because fuck that, because the girl he fucking cared about more than anyone was here suffering, and it was bullshit to care about that shit right now.
He reached out, slinging an arm around her, and he swept her closer to him, hugged her as tightly as he could to his chest. He kissed her on top of her head, sniffling, and he held her tightly, trying to quiet all of the emotions in his chest.
He held her for a long moment, not saying anything, just kissing the top of her head and listening to the fountain and crying as quietly as he could, and then finally, one thing spilled out:
Anger.
“That’s bullshit,” he said quietly. “All of this shit’s just bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”
His grip on Charlie loosened, and he looked down at her. “You ain’t got nothin’ to be sorry about. I…I’m sorry that I didn’t —“ He shook his head. “That I didn’t ask you about — about any of that shit. That I didn’t see that something was happening. And — and — but that bullshit that happened to you?” He pulled back further, gritting his teeth. “It’s not going to fucking stand. You’re not leaving here.” He set his eyes determinedly on Charlie’s. “You, more than anyone fucking else, belong to be here. You and me —“ The resolve in his face broke for a moment, and his face tugged downward. He swallowed hard, squeezed his eyes shut for a second, and the fury returned on his face in the next moment, but his voice was weak and wavering, “Both of us. We’re…” His voice faltered, falling away into nothing as he choked, “We can’t…”
He drew in a sharp breath as another tear fell. He reached up with the butt of his chin to wipe it away, and that seemed to reignite his passion. “I can’t lose you, Charlie,” he said firmly, “and if you go away — no. No, you can’t. There’s no fuckin’ way I’m gonna let that happen.”
He looked away and toward the fountain, and his expression, after a moment, shifted from anger to disgusted humor. “Chas,” he scoffed. “It’s always fucking Chas. He’s always got to be bitch of the fucking hour. Try to do shit to other people’s lives because he doesn’t have one of his own.” He laughed in disgust.
He looked over at Charlie, grinning. But there was something sad, desperate about the grin he wore. “You know, Dad’s already ripping away my shit,” he said. “I’ve got nothing to lose and the cops’re already nearby for easy access for them, so, luhmao, fuck — how much you bet that I could break both of his legs in one go? Fifty?”
This might be it. This might be fucking it.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
He registered a grip around his arms, and he forced in a breath. The noise was returning past the cymbals in his ears, and he barely made out, “Just breathe for a minute, please.” HIs eyes looked over at his girlfriend, and his jaw went slack as he processed her request.
Charlie did what she’d told him to do: deep breath in. He mirrored her, pressing his lips into a firm line as he tried to calm himself. The anger and the shock of his realization coursed through his veins, and he tried to shut it up, but it wouldn’t fucking stop. He could feel his arms shaking, like he was a little fucking baby.
Goddamn it.
In…out…
He let out a sigh, giving a small nod, and Charlie reached up and pushed his damp hair back, giving him a small smile. “It’s gonna be okay, Lin, I promise,” she said. “I don’t know what happened today but if he does pull your funding, which I doubt he will because it will make him look bad, we’ll figure something out, okay? I —“
Charlie abruptly cut herself off, and Lin’s brows knit in concern, a pang shooting through his chest. He reached out and placed a shaking hand on Charlie’s arm. “Charlie?” he asked.
Her eyes squeezed shut. Then, her arms reached out and pulled Lin closer to her, and she wrapped her arms around him.
“Charlie?” he repeated.
She sighed heavily. “I’m so sorry, Lin.”
His breath hitched. “Sorry…?”
“I wish I could promise that everything will be okay and that if it isn’t, I’ll make it okay but I can’t.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “I can’t promise that because I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it.”
Charlie fell quiet again, and concern and confusion shot through Lin’s mind, tugging down his brows and displaying itself in the confused gaze focused on Charlie’s head. “You’re…”
“But I can promise that if something happens, I will do everything I can to help you out,” Charlie said. “Even if I’m not here physically, I will always be here for you. You deserve to have all of those big dreams of yours come true and if I can help that happen then I’ll do whatever it takes and I know you will too.”
She shifted, and she reached up to cup the cheek of the wide-eyed, knit-browed boy. “We’re going to get through this,” Charlie said. “As long as you’re here, we can get through anything.”
Lin grinned slightly at her encouragement. “Only if you’re here with me,” he chuckled softly. He pumped a fist at his chest. “As long as it’s you an’ me, we can conquer the fuckin’ world. Howellin fuckin’…”
His voice trailed off and his smile sank as he noticed that Charlie had pulled away from him. Her demeanor had shifted, and now her eyes were focused on the garden, which indifferently continued its flow. “Charlie?” he asked concernedly.
“They pulled me aside at Art Fest last week, administration, right after my performance,” she said finally. “I don’t know what you heard from the media and word of mouth, but apparently something happened with Chas’s film and he blamed it on me.”
Lin’s expression was frozen on his face, and his heart was frozen in his chest. “What?”
“They revoked my scholarship, Lin,” Charlie said bluntly. “It’s over. I’ve — I’ve tried everything but it’s over.”
Her words still weren’t registering. His heart still refused to beat, waiting for the sike the was going to say.
It didn’t come.
“Charlie,” Lin breathed. The tears that had pricked his eyes before reminded him that they were there, and he swallowed hard, shoving them back with a shake of his head. “Fuck no, Charlie, you’re —“ His voice stopped working for a second, and he swallowed hard. “You’re…” He laughed, wanting to believe that this was a lie. “You’re kidding, right?” But there was no immediate answer. “Right?”
“That’s why I can’t promise everything will be okay.” Her words felt like stabs to his gut, or cold, rattling bullets shot into his eardrums that echoed with high-pitched rattles. “I’m not even going to be here past New Year's Eve, how can I promise to be there for you when I fucked everything up and I have to go home?”
Lin shook his head frantically. “No, no, you —“
“I tried everything, Lin, I tried so hard but it doesn’t matter.” He saw a tear roll down her cheek.
“Charlie, no.” The tears were threatening to fall from his own eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing hard and shaking his head. “You’re not —“
“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” Charlie said. “I didn’t want to tell you because saying it aloud makes it feel so real.”
He opened his eyes. A tear fell. “No, no,” he whispered, desperately trying to will what she was saying to be a lie.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just…I couldn’t.” Her words were becoming a rush now. “It was nice to pretend like nothing was wrong. I wanted things to feel normal, like everything was going to be okay but they’re not. They’re not okay, they’re never going to be okay again.” She buried her head in her hands, and her shoulders shook. “I’m losing everything, Lin. I’ve already lost my scholarship, I’m losing all my friends, I’m losing my career. I deserve what’s happening but you…you don’t deserve this. I promised that I would be there for you and I can’t even do that right. I’m so sorry.”
For a moment, he sat, dumbfounded, shocked, appalled at what he was hearing. A wave of nausea hit him, and his tongue felt like lead in his mouth.
But he shook his head, because fuck that, because the girl he fucking cared about more than anyone was here suffering, and it was bullshit to care about that shit right now.
He reached out, slinging an arm around her, and he swept her closer to him, hugged her as tightly as he could to his chest. He kissed her on top of her head, sniffling, and he held her tightly, trying to quiet all of the emotions in his chest.
He held her for a long moment, not saying anything, just kissing the top of her head and listening to the fountain and crying as quietly as he could, and then finally, one thing spilled out:
Anger.
“That’s bullshit,” he said quietly. “All of this shit’s just bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”
His grip on Charlie loosened, and he looked down at her. “You ain’t got nothin’ to be sorry about. I…I’m sorry that I didn’t —“ He shook his head. “That I didn’t ask you about — about any of that shit. That I didn’t see that something was happening. And — and — but that bullshit that happened to you?” He pulled back further, gritting his teeth. “It’s not going to fucking stand. You’re not leaving here.” He set his eyes determinedly on Charlie’s. “You, more than anyone fucking else, belong to be here. You and me —“ The resolve in his face broke for a moment, and his face tugged downward. He swallowed hard, squeezed his eyes shut for a second, and the fury returned on his face in the next moment, but his voice was weak and wavering, “Both of us. We’re…” His voice faltered, falling away into nothing as he choked, “We can’t…”
He drew in a sharp breath as another tear fell. He reached up with the butt of his chin to wipe it away, and that seemed to reignite his passion. “I can’t lose you, Charlie,” he said firmly, “and if you go away — no. No, you can’t. There’s no fuckin’ way I’m gonna let that happen.”
He looked away and toward the fountain, and his expression, after a moment, shifted from anger to disgusted humor. “Chas,” he scoffed. “It’s always fucking Chas. He’s always got to be bitch of the fucking hour. Try to do shit to other people’s lives because he doesn’t have one of his own.” He laughed in disgust.
He looked over at Charlie, grinning. But there was something sad, desperate about the grin he wore. “You know, Dad’s already ripping away my shit,” he said. “I’ve got nothing to lose and the cops’re already nearby for easy access for them, so, luhmao, fuck — how much you bet that I could break both of his legs in one go? Fifty?”
mood
fucking BULLSHIT
location
the hospital i fucking guess
outfit
clothes now
fucking BULLSHIT
location
the hospital i fucking guess
outfit
clothes now
playing...
we'll be okay
we'll be okay
by lindsay kay
mentions
n/a
interactions
charlie
tags
geminiy
n/a
interactions
charlie
tags
geminiy
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
felix rian emmerson
“I am,” Kian said, hoppin’ out of the car, and Felix kinda got the distinct impression that his trippin’ friend had no idea what he was thinkin’ at all.
It made Felix grin and laugh. “Hell yeah.”
Kian reached out and patted Felix’s shoulder. “If I were to throw you up[ in the air right now, you’d come back down and land on me and like that makes you a boomerang.” His voice was hushed, like he was relayin’ a long-held secret to him. Felix stifled his laughter, tryin’ to maintain a serious expression because obviously this was a very serious matter (at least to Kian), but a few puffs of laughter escaped him when his face was grasped and squished by Kian.
“You, my dear,” Kian said, “are a fucking boomerang.”
“A ‘umkim’ ‘oomam,” Felix agreed, his words not really intelligible thanks to the fact that his face was being crushed at the moment.
“Like, you’d just…” Kian finally released Felix’s face, steppin’ toward the gate, and he wrapped his hands around the bars. Then, of course, the guy just started to scale that shit. “You’d be all like —“ Huff, huff. “You’d be all the way —“ Huff, huff.
“Damn, he’s really goin’,” Felix muttered amusedly to himself, chucklin’. It was kinda impressive. Kian’s display of upper body strength reminded Felix of why he really needed to stay on his best bud’s good side.
“You’d be all the way up here,” Kian finally finished, and Felix lifted his head and shielded his eyes from the sun to see his friend posed atop the gate like a drugged-up gargoyle.
Felix whooped, clapping as his friend wobbled.
This was goin’ to end very badly.
Felix was here for it.
“Then dude,” Kian continued, “you’d just, you’d be up here.”
“I would!” Felix called.
“And I would be down there where you are and — and you’d just get back do —“
And then, of course, as Felix had predicted, the bad endin’ for Kian came.
The shoe stayed on the top of the fence. The Kiki? Well —
SPLAT!
There he was.
Felix covered his mouth, snickerin’. See, you know, the general rule of thumb was to be concerned before you laughed, but Felix? Psh. He knew that Kian would be fine.
He’d lived through a lot worse, ya know.
And, to prove Felix’s point, up came Kian, and up popped two thumbs up.
Felix mirrored his friend’s pose, grinnin’ widely. “Bravo,” he complimented.
“Just like that!” Kian cheered. “That’s what you’ll do man.”
“Thanks for demonstratin’,” Felix said, with absolutely no intention of doin’ it himself.
Luckily, he didn’t have to think of a way to tell Kian no way in hell am I gonna do that myself because the guy on the other side of the gate punched a random pole. ‘course, that usually wouldn’t matter, but this pole seemed to have some kind of button on it, because the gates began to open.
Felix’s brows lifted, and he let out an impressed whistle. Thank God.
Kian ran through to Felix, throwin’ an arm around him. “Dude, I am a master of the gates,” Kian slurred, sinkin’ back down beside him in the cart.
His mouth opened wide suddenly. “Felix…”
Felix raised an eyebrow at him, grinnin’. When Kian got ideas, it was obvious — and never were the ideas very good.
Which was a recipe for a good time.
“What’re you thinkin’?” Felix asked amusedly.
“Do you think I could be a leader?”
“A leader?”
“Like, you know, one of those like cult dudes.”
That out of pocket remark took Felix aback, and he stared dumbfounded for a moment before he guffawed. Nodding emphatically as Kian looked back to the gates, Felix decided to play along. “Hell yeah, Kiki,” he said, in as serious a voice as he could muster, though he was still grinnin’. “You could be the next, uhhh —“ Finally, a name came to him. “Charles Manson.” And then he added, “Uhhh, minus all that psycho illegal stuff, y’know. Ya got that kinda charm about you.”
“Am I a god?” Kian asked.
Again, another out of pocket thing that took Felix a moment to process. “A…god?” Felix repeated, once again suppressin’ laughter.
“Like I just unlocked those things and you couldn’t,” Kian said. “I am a fucking wizard, Felix.”
“You are a fucking wizard, Kian,” Felix agreed, tryin’ not to grin to wide so that he still looked like he was sayin’ things honestly. Lookin’ ahead, he chuckled. “Ya know, I think that this…” He trailed off as an idea occurred to him.
See, there was somethin’ to understand about Felix. See, he was generally a smart, down-to-earth guy, ya know. He was the brains of the group, even if he played kinda dumb to make his friends look better because he was such a good friend, ya know.
But, ya see, Felix? He also lived for fun, ya know. I mean, he wasn’t the wild crazy type, but when he saw an opportunity for fun, he took it. Even when he was well aware of the dangers of everything, he was confident that he could come out unscathed enough.
In other words: he encouraged his friends’ stupidity and kind of just sat in the background.
And this idea? Well…
He pointed out the window, then patted the dashboard of the golf cart. “Ya know…I think a gated community is the perfect place for a cult to start,” Felix said. Grinnin’, he explained, “Captive audience, everyone’s the same here anyway. Half of ‘em’s got dementia, all of ‘em’s’ve got loads of cash.”
An elderly woman stepped outside of her house, approachin’ her mailbox, and Felix grinned devilishly. Lookin’ back over at his friend, he pointed to the woman. “Ya see her right there? Miss…Glenda?” She looked like a Glenda. “Yeah, Miss Glenda’s all lonely and shit…really missin’ her husband — guy kicked the bucket a few days ago.” That felt like a fittin’ backstory. “Ya know what she needs to redeem her life?”
He reached over and patted his friend’s shoulder. “She needs Kian. Kian can make her whole.” Leanin’ back in the seat proudly, he requested, “Now drive toward her. I’ll get her started, an’ you can sweep in for the kill.”
As the golf cart approached, Felix prepared his speech in his head. Kian is love, Kian is life.
The golf cart rolled up beside the woman, who lifted her head. Her beady eyes narrowed, and she crooned, “Are you the damn extended warranty peddlers again? I’ve told you both five million times —“
“No, no, no ma’am,” Felix chuckled, holdin’ his palms up. “We come in peace.”
“I don’t drive a damn Ford F150,” she hissed, “and I don’t need a damn extended —“
“Ma’am,” he interrupted again, “we’re not extended warranty people.”
She stared at him skeptically for a moment, and then said, “Oh.” Lookin’ back down, she slowly tugged open her mailbox, disinterestedly goin’ about her business.
Felix watched her for a few seconds, and then he cleared his throat.
The woman looked up, as if noticin’ them for the first time again. She narrowed her beady eyes and once again crooned, “Are you the damn extended warranty peddlers again? I’ve told —“
“No ma’am,” Felix said, smilin’, and she opened her mouth to surely give her spiel about a Ford F150 again, but before she could, Felix continued, “I just come to give you some good news.”
Her eyes slowly widened. “Did I win the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes?” she asked.
“Uh, no.” Felix smiled blankly. “But you did win a one-way ticket to p-paradise?” Paradise sounded good. “Yeah, to paradise.” He nodded.
“Paradise…? Like the —“
“Like Heaven, but cooler,” Felix nodded. Pattin’ Kian’s shoulder, Felix smiled benevolently. “This, my sister, is the Great Kiki. He knows all.” Givin’ Kian a little shake, Felix looked over at his friend, tryin’ to communicate, Say somethin’ wise, bud.
He was tryin’ so hard not to die laughin’ right now.
It made Felix grin and laugh. “Hell yeah.”
Kian reached out and patted Felix’s shoulder. “If I were to throw you up[ in the air right now, you’d come back down and land on me and like that makes you a boomerang.” His voice was hushed, like he was relayin’ a long-held secret to him. Felix stifled his laughter, tryin’ to maintain a serious expression because obviously this was a very serious matter (at least to Kian), but a few puffs of laughter escaped him when his face was grasped and squished by Kian.
“You, my dear,” Kian said, “are a fucking boomerang.”
“A ‘umkim’ ‘oomam,” Felix agreed, his words not really intelligible thanks to the fact that his face was being crushed at the moment.
“Like, you’d just…” Kian finally released Felix’s face, steppin’ toward the gate, and he wrapped his hands around the bars. Then, of course, the guy just started to scale that shit. “You’d be all like —“ Huff, huff. “You’d be all the way —“ Huff, huff.
“Damn, he’s really goin’,” Felix muttered amusedly to himself, chucklin’. It was kinda impressive. Kian’s display of upper body strength reminded Felix of why he really needed to stay on his best bud’s good side.
“You’d be all the way up here,” Kian finally finished, and Felix lifted his head and shielded his eyes from the sun to see his friend posed atop the gate like a drugged-up gargoyle.
Felix whooped, clapping as his friend wobbled.
This was goin’ to end very badly.
Felix was here for it.
“Then dude,” Kian continued, “you’d just, you’d be up here.”
“I would!” Felix called.
“And I would be down there where you are and — and you’d just get back do —“
And then, of course, as Felix had predicted, the bad endin’ for Kian came.
The shoe stayed on the top of the fence. The Kiki? Well —
SPLAT!
There he was.
Felix covered his mouth, snickerin’. See, you know, the general rule of thumb was to be concerned before you laughed, but Felix? Psh. He knew that Kian would be fine.
He’d lived through a lot worse, ya know.
And, to prove Felix’s point, up came Kian, and up popped two thumbs up.
Felix mirrored his friend’s pose, grinnin’ widely. “Bravo,” he complimented.
“Just like that!” Kian cheered. “That’s what you’ll do man.”
“Thanks for demonstratin’,” Felix said, with absolutely no intention of doin’ it himself.
Luckily, he didn’t have to think of a way to tell Kian no way in hell am I gonna do that myself because the guy on the other side of the gate punched a random pole. ‘course, that usually wouldn’t matter, but this pole seemed to have some kind of button on it, because the gates began to open.
Felix’s brows lifted, and he let out an impressed whistle. Thank God.
Kian ran through to Felix, throwin’ an arm around him. “Dude, I am a master of the gates,” Kian slurred, sinkin’ back down beside him in the cart.
His mouth opened wide suddenly. “Felix…”
Felix raised an eyebrow at him, grinnin’. When Kian got ideas, it was obvious — and never were the ideas very good.
Which was a recipe for a good time.
“What’re you thinkin’?” Felix asked amusedly.
“Do you think I could be a leader?”
“A leader?”
“Like, you know, one of those like cult dudes.”
That out of pocket remark took Felix aback, and he stared dumbfounded for a moment before he guffawed. Nodding emphatically as Kian looked back to the gates, Felix decided to play along. “Hell yeah, Kiki,” he said, in as serious a voice as he could muster, though he was still grinnin’. “You could be the next, uhhh —“ Finally, a name came to him. “Charles Manson.” And then he added, “Uhhh, minus all that psycho illegal stuff, y’know. Ya got that kinda charm about you.”
“Am I a god?” Kian asked.
Again, another out of pocket thing that took Felix a moment to process. “A…god?” Felix repeated, once again suppressin’ laughter.
“Like I just unlocked those things and you couldn’t,” Kian said. “I am a fucking wizard, Felix.”
“You are a fucking wizard, Kian,” Felix agreed, tryin’ not to grin to wide so that he still looked like he was sayin’ things honestly. Lookin’ ahead, he chuckled. “Ya know, I think that this…” He trailed off as an idea occurred to him.
See, there was somethin’ to understand about Felix. See, he was generally a smart, down-to-earth guy, ya know. He was the brains of the group, even if he played kinda dumb to make his friends look better because he was such a good friend, ya know.
But, ya see, Felix? He also lived for fun, ya know. I mean, he wasn’t the wild crazy type, but when he saw an opportunity for fun, he took it. Even when he was well aware of the dangers of everything, he was confident that he could come out unscathed enough.
In other words: he encouraged his friends’ stupidity and kind of just sat in the background.
And this idea? Well…
He pointed out the window, then patted the dashboard of the golf cart. “Ya know…I think a gated community is the perfect place for a cult to start,” Felix said. Grinnin’, he explained, “Captive audience, everyone’s the same here anyway. Half of ‘em’s got dementia, all of ‘em’s’ve got loads of cash.”
An elderly woman stepped outside of her house, approachin’ her mailbox, and Felix grinned devilishly. Lookin’ back over at his friend, he pointed to the woman. “Ya see her right there? Miss…Glenda?” She looked like a Glenda. “Yeah, Miss Glenda’s all lonely and shit…really missin’ her husband — guy kicked the bucket a few days ago.” That felt like a fittin’ backstory. “Ya know what she needs to redeem her life?”
He reached over and patted his friend’s shoulder. “She needs Kian. Kian can make her whole.” Leanin’ back in the seat proudly, he requested, “Now drive toward her. I’ll get her started, an’ you can sweep in for the kill.”
As the golf cart approached, Felix prepared his speech in his head. Kian is love, Kian is life.
The golf cart rolled up beside the woman, who lifted her head. Her beady eyes narrowed, and she crooned, “Are you the damn extended warranty peddlers again? I’ve told you both five million times —“
“No, no, no ma’am,” Felix chuckled, holdin’ his palms up. “We come in peace.”
“I don’t drive a damn Ford F150,” she hissed, “and I don’t need a damn extended —“
“Ma’am,” he interrupted again, “we’re not extended warranty people.”
She stared at him skeptically for a moment, and then said, “Oh.” Lookin’ back down, she slowly tugged open her mailbox, disinterestedly goin’ about her business.
Felix watched her for a few seconds, and then he cleared his throat.
The woman looked up, as if noticin’ them for the first time again. She narrowed her beady eyes and once again crooned, “Are you the damn extended warranty peddlers again? I’ve told —“
“No ma’am,” Felix said, smilin’, and she opened her mouth to surely give her spiel about a Ford F150 again, but before she could, Felix continued, “I just come to give you some good news.”
Her eyes slowly widened. “Did I win the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes?” she asked.
“Uh, no.” Felix smiled blankly. “But you did win a one-way ticket to p-paradise?” Paradise sounded good. “Yeah, to paradise.” He nodded.
“Paradise…? Like the —“
“Like Heaven, but cooler,” Felix nodded. Pattin’ Kian’s shoulder, Felix smiled benevolently. “This, my sister, is the Great Kiki. He knows all.” Givin’ Kian a little shake, Felix looked over at his friend, tryin’ to communicate, Say somethin’ wise, bud.
He was tryin’ so hard not to die laughin’ right now.
mood
starting a cult
location
the gated community
outfit
something casual
starting a cult
location
the gated community
outfit
something casual
playing...
take a slice
take a slice
by glass animals
mentions
n/a
interactions
kian
tags
geminiy
n/a
interactions
kian
tags
geminiy
Xed
Running Wild
Mikaela Ainsley
Turns out there was something Ash was good at aside from holding her liquor. Making a quick escape. Ok, she was kidding, there was plenty else that Ash was good at but that was not important right now. Anyway, a part of her felt a little bad about you know, dumping the dress on her (which really Ash should be thanking her for because she would look great in it at the winter ball, but she was side tracking again), and teasing her a bunch about her date and such, so to make it up to her, Mikaela stuck a hand into her purse and dug around blindly until she found what she was looking for. What was she looking for you might ask? A piece of candy, fruit flavoured, refreshing with a mild mint kick, not that the kind that made your mouth burn and sting, perfect for lifting the spirits not that Ash seemed to be in need of anything of the sort, but point was, it was nice, it was tasty and it was what she had on hand so she was just giving a piece to Ash out of her kindness of her heart.
Having passed the candy to Ash who promptly disappeared into the distance, Mikaela turned back to look at the dresses for a couple of seconds and then her phone. She’d been at this dress shopping thing long enough and now that Ash was gone, she was kinda bored, that and she had sort of lost track of where Newt and Kayla were while she was with Ash. Now here was the million-dollar question. Should she look for them? Or should she just pack it up and go home to relax? Ugh she really hated being outside and having nothing to do. It sucked. Terribly and she wasn’t really in the mood to walk around aimlessly until she made a decision because sometimes her leg would just get cranky out of the blue and start giving her hell mid walk.
Whatever, she was going home. Wandering around the mall trying to figure out where Newt and Kayla were just seemed like too much of a hassle, and all the thinking she just did had already kind of killed her mood a bit. Maybe if she was lucky she’d have a – oh no.
Mikaela paused as she stared at the small pink circle that she had fished out of her purse and lay in the palm of her hand. This was not her fruity candy, it was ecstasy. Why the hell was there ecstasy lying in her – right. This morning, when she left the house. She’d stuffed it into her purse and bolted because Alisha said she’d stop by to drop things off and she didn’t want her older sister to find drugs in her bedroom. Wait, that meant that Ash – well crap. Now she definitely needed to bolt out of there.
The last thing she wanted or needed, was Ash to pop up and start yelling at her for accidentally giving her ecstasy instead of candy in the middle of a public mall, or anywhere really. Ah crap. She’d really screwed up big this time. What if word of her drug abuse got out because of her stupid mistake? Her secret, her image, all the effort she had put into pretending so people would leave her alone – Oh god. This was a disaster. She needed a drink or an ecstasy. She had the latter in her hand right now but no. This was public. It would be far worse if she got high and spotted while out and about in broad daylight at a crowded mall. Besides there were ways to get out of this. Hell, she shared a flat with Felix, she could always play it off as a mistake and blame it on him. Ugh.
She’d figure out something, later, when she could think straight. For now, she needed to get home and get a distraction.
As she made her way out of the shop and the mall, Mikaela hadn’t really watched where she was going, just sort of kept her eyes on the ground while the gears in her head spun round and round when she walked right into someone and her legs, her damn leg screamed back in protest and nearly brought her crashing to the ground if not for the strong arms that help keep her upright.
“Oh thank goodness,” she said quickly as she regained balance, her eyes taking note of the strong physique of the man she had run into, the taut muscle and coolness of his skin on hers, “that was a close call, having a date with the floor was not in my plans today.” Mikaela kept her tone light and joking out of habit and also because her eyes had travelled further up to look at the guy who saved her from the very disaster he nearly caused and damn. Guy with the hot body turned out to have an even hotter face. Hello handsome distraction. “How can I thank you for helping keep me afloat?”
Terrible line really and yeah she’d said she just wanted to go home and get a drink in the privacy of her home (really Felix’s but whatever) but entertaining a handsome stranger just seemed so much more fun, even if Chanel and her ‘no strangers rule’ – which she was totally ignoring – thought otherwise. Besides, it wouldn’t be too late to go home after if the handsome stranger in front of her turned out to not be as fun and entertaining as he seemed.
mood
Alright time to get on out of here - ow - oh hello handsome
location
shopping mall
outfit
outfit
Alright time to get on out of here - ow - oh hello handsome
location
shopping mall
outfit
outfit
playing...
song title here
song title here
by artist here
mentions
Chanel, Kayla, Ash, Newt, Felix
interactions
Someone HOT
tags
Winona
Chanel, Kayla, Ash, Newt, Felix
interactions
Someone HOT
tags
Winona
Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Trevor & Ash
Ash was quiet yet again. Like she couldn’t take the fecking weight of – of what Trevor was saying. Like she couldn’t handle the consequences of all of this shite that Trevor had kept pent up. Like she couldn’t…like she was so goddamn shocked at what she was hearing or something.
God, she was crying, too. Was she ever going to stop crying? He fecking doubted it. What was she accomplishing by that? What did she think she was accomplishing by that?
“I turned down, umm…I turned down like…like dates for you,” she mumbled.
“Good for you,” Trevor sighed deeply, rolling his knuckles back.
Ash continued, “Cap and Eli were even like…Ian was even like, he was almost ready to come out here to go with me, and you just…”
“Ian?” Oh right. Her ex-boyfriend. There was another small burn in his chest at the mention of yet another fucking person who –
God, fecking fuck. He couldn’t handle this shite.
He looked over at her, just to see her looking at him. She looked like a fucking mess. Her hazel eyes, searching his face, were bloodshot.
There was a pang in the back of his head, a guilty warning to shut up shut up shut up, but he ignored it, just shifting his shoulders and looking away. “What?”
“I don’t…I don’t care who knows, Trevor,” she said. “I don’t fucking care if Amy or Jo or…or everyone knows, because that’s…that’s all I really fucking want. I just…you yelled at me for telling Eli. You fucking…you flipped because I got excited and told Eli, and because I told Maddie, and you’re just…you’re a fucking hypocrite.”
He scoffed at that, looking over at her. “Oh, I’m the feckin’ hypocrite, am I? Me, tha one who kept my promise to be secret until you fucking broke it – after you fucking suggested it, after you fucking convinced me to be? I’m the fucking hypocrite?!” He had to laugh. “You told me that keeping this a secret and not telling anybody was the best feckin’ idea, and suddenly your tune changes, and suddenly you’re tellin’ bitches who tell other bitches who will scream it aloud in the mall while making you burst into tears, and then it’s my feckin’ fault for wantin’ – for – fer what, Ash?! For telling my friends?!”
He gripped the wheel tighter. “Ash, I’m not a fucking hypocrite – and if I fucking am, it’s not about that shite. I told you that I wanted to be goddamn feckin’ secret, that I wasn’t fucking comfortable being public, okay?! Is that not enough for you?! Is me saying no so fucking hard for you to process?! Is it so fucking astounding that me, this pathetic fucking scum of the earth bastard who gets told that he should go die in a fucking ditch every single fucking day wouldn’t want his private shite announced to the world?!”
He grit his teeth. “If you’d told anyone fucking else after you broke that fucking promise to me, fine. If they can keep a fucking secret, fine. But you told – you told – you told…”
Eli. Maddie. JJ.
And JJ told the fucking world.
“You expect me to fucking trust you?! You expect me to trust a single thing you fucking say after you broke that fucking promise?!” He was yelling now, and his words were just the most hurtful things that his mind could come up with.
Because who gave a shite anymore, huh? Why did it matter? If he was already fucking talking, there was no point in stopping.
Trevor never did stop when it was good for him.
"Lucky wasn't trying to kiss me," Ash said. "He was just…he was just trying to, like…comfort me because my mom was a bitch. See, like, you wouldn't know like…you wouldn't know what that's like, because you only care about yourself and just…" She shook her head.
Trevor blinked. “I only care about myself?” he repeated. “Oh, I really only care about myself, huh?!” Saying it again was even more fucking outrageous. He jabbed a finger into his chest, his sights lasered on Ash. “Who the fuck ran to you when you were drinking yourself alone in the cold feckin’ floor of a science room, huh?! Who was with you then, huh?! Who stood with you in your dressing room, even though he was feckin’ scared piss straight, just so he could tell you that you were going to do great, because he felt like you were going to do feckin’ great?! Who – who – who –”
He shook his head, letting out a hiss and slamming his fist on the wheel again. “Who – who shut up and acted like he was fucking fine with seeing his girlfriend, this girl who he’s feckin’ falling for, has already fallen for, swearing that there’s nothing that this fuckhead wants to do with her beyond being his friend as she’s – as she likes him more and more and her goddamn boyfriend less and less?!” His voice cracked several times during when he was saying that, but he didn’t give a shite. There were tears in his eyes, but who gave a fuck. “Who fucking shoved back the thought that the girl who had finally given him a fucking chance had already moved past him because he – because he was told that it was fucking nothing, every single fucking time?!”
He gestured to her now, his shoulders heaving from ragged breaths. “Who bought you that fucking necklace you’re wearing?” His voice was softer, and for a moment, the genuine hurt of the situation showed itself in his eyes.
I care about you. Why do you do this?!
And then, it broke, and his anger seeped through over it again. “Who told you he’d try, in spite of himself, huh?!” he yelled. “Who’s here for you right fucking now, Ash, huh?!”
"Lucky might want to fuck me, but at least he actually listens and cares about me aside from just wanting to get his dick wet," Ash said, "and yeah, he did try to kiss me at that stupid dinner party and I should've fucking let him because you were probably, like...off fucking Maggie because she gave you weed and that's all you care about, right?"
Trevor froze.
Ash…
So she’d finally fucking said it.
Lucky is better than you.
And…
And they’d almost kissed, and he’d tried to kiss her, and she…didn’t give a shit?! Didn’t think to fucking tell him?! Didn’t…
His grip on the wheel loosened. “He tried to –”
SLAM!
Rattle…
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
There was a ringing in his ears. His mouth was dry.
And a tear rolled down his face.
When it reached his cheek, his face abruptly screwed up, and he slammed his fist into the horn. Holding it down and blaring it, he let out a scream straight from his chest, squeezing his eyes shut and crying out with all of the pain that he was feeling. And when the scream was over, he slammed his head against the wheel, and he yanked his van into reverse, and he drove the fuck away from…from…
Who was she, anyway?
I won’t apologize
His pen curled the last e, and his wrist gave him a sharp pain. It let him know that he’d been writing too long, that it was time to stop writing the same thing over and over and over again, that it was futile, that that wasn’t going to reverse what he had done.
His knuckles were raw and red. There were splits on the centers of them, and small speckles of scabs surrounding those, too. He obsessively picked at them, so they were in and out of bleeding and not bleeding and bleeding and not bleeding. But it hurt to pick at them, because he didn’t have any fingernails, so the pads of his pointer and thumb were red and aching, too. His fingernails were down to the beds, jagged at the ends from the rough gnawings of his teeth. His eyes were dry, and it hurt to blink. His face was sore; the apples of his cheeks were perpetually pink and ached in the cold air. His pale skin was sicklier than usual, his dark circles even darker. He wasn’t sleeping, he was hardly eating.
And his voice. It was raw. Grainy. Scratchy. Low. And as he mumbled aloud to himself, “Shite,” the only thing that came out was a puff of air.
His stomach turned, and he felt sick again. He glanced over at the trash can to the left of his desk, down into the basket. He felt a churn, but, groaning, he turned away, placing his elbows on his desk and gripping his head tightly.
“God, fuck, Trevor, you miserable fucking sack of shite,” he mumbled, “shut the fuck up and take it. You’re fucking asking for it anyway.”
He was giving into it. He was giving into the mind that was beating him up, the guilt that was wearing him down. The guilt that told him that he should have felt bad back there, that the fact that he didn’t was monstrous.
He came at her for not keeping her promise, but…but he’d done the same fucking thing.
He was going to be a good boyfriend, he told her. He was going to try, he told her.
And then…and then…
“Shite.”
He hated himself. He hated himself, he hated himself, hehatedhimselfhehatedhimselfhehatedhimself.
He couldn’t blame her for feeling the same.
Lifting his head again, his eyes fell upon his phone. When he picked it up, the screen’s light burned his eyes. Squinting, he unlocked it, and he opened his messages.
He froze at the last message he’d sent to her. Just a little, “Sure, yeah. I'll see you later.”
It made him feel nauseous again.
Slowly, he dropped the pen, watching it fall to the papers with the poem that he’d written and rewritten on them all week. For a few moments, he stared at the words, I won’t apologize, I won’t apologize, I won’t apologize.
And then, he looked back to his phone, and moments later, he sent:
She felt sick.
It was nothing new -- like, she’d felt sick… like… every day since last Saturday.
Cappie had shown up shortly after she’d called him, and the first thing she’d done was just hug him, bury her face in his chest, and try to tell him everything that had happened through sobs. Sure, that’s all she’d been doing all day anyway, but there was something different about it when you were actually with someone that held you and, like, comforted you. Made you feel better.
Eventually, the sobs had subsided and exhausted, she’d climbed into the passenger seat of the car. She’d caught sight of herself in the passenger side mirror, and she just looked like… absolute hell. So she’d sunk down into the seat so she couldn’t see her face anymore, and instead turned her attention down to the phone in her hand.
Nothing from Trevor.
Once they’d gotten home, she’d taken off to the bathroom to try and wash the day’s mistakes from her face, and then she’d returned to the living room, where she collapsed on the couch beside Cappie. He’d started up the TV and for a while, they watched reruns of The Office, and a smile actually managed to come onto her face as she kind of was able to forget about the day’s events.
At some point, she’d fallen asleep and when she’d woken up several hours later, the television was off, there was a blanket over her (thanks, Cap), and she was alone.
Again, she’d checked her phone for the time.
Like two in the morning.
Still nothing from Trevor.
She hesitated, fingers hovering over the keyboard, and then she decided against it -- instead turning her phone off and dropping it back to her side.
Instead, she headed to her room, making sure to tiptoe up the stairs so that she didn’t wake anyone up, and she slipped into her room. Ash turned on the lamp next to her bed, and dropped down to her knees to reach underneath her bed, her fingers feeling around until they closed around the familiar bottle.
And…
That was, well, pretty much how the rest of her week had gone.
On Sunday, she had tried to reach out to Trevor. She’d sent him some text apologizing for… whatever had happened, asking if they could talk or something, and she’d waited but like… there was nothing from him. He didn’t even open it.
It was fine.
She’d gone to school, painted a smile on her face, and acted like everything was fine and dandy. Ash was good at that -- she was good at pretending, at acting like the events of Saturday hadn’t gotten under her skin. Like… she didn’t constantly find herself wondering if the people she called her friends whispered about her after she left, calling her a whore like JJ had, or like… that people weren’t looking at her and wondering to themselves how true ThirsTea’s words had been, or….
Well, no one knew about Trevor, at least.
With some worry that people might pay more attention to her, though, Ash had spent the last week’s lunch periods hiding away in music rooms with the excuse that she needed to work on her music -- which like, was obviously a lie, because she hated working on it.
And then it was back home, and it was trying to act normal around Eli, Cap, and Gen, and then it was back to her room, and it was back to nursing a bottle of vodka until she fell asleep.
Well, and watching her phone. Waiting to see if there was like, any reply from Trevor.
(There never was.)
Pretty easy week.
When she’d first gotten the text back from Trevor, Ash had been in her bed (basically where she’d existed all week long) just… like… chilling on her phone and wasting the night away. But now, she actually sat up in her bed, her eyes scanning the text and reading it again and again.
Half of her didn’t truly believe that it’d been sent. Like… she was dreaming, or all the alcohol had really gotten to her, but when she closed out of it for a moment to think, and then she opened the text back up, it was still there. Trevor like… asking to meet up.
After another moment, she responded. Agreeing to meet up, and then a little discussion on where to meet up and… she was leaving. Slipping out of the mansion without telling them where she was headed because well like, obviously Eli and Cap weren’t super happy with Trevor, so how was she supposed to tell them that that’s where she was headed to?
And one short Uber drive later, Ash was there. Like… where they’d agreed to meet up -- at the lot where the Fall Festival had been held, which was now cleared out. She lingered near the front of it, her hands shoved into the pockets of her jacket, and her gaze turned up towards the sky to look at the stars. Her teeth lightly chewed at her bottom lip.
She was trying to distract herself while she waited, trying not to get nervous, and like… trying not to think about the fact that chances were, he wasn’t even going to show.
Stars calmed her, though, so looking up caused some relief. Even if he didn’t show up, it was nice to spend a night out underneath her favorite thing without alcohol being pumped through her system.
But eventually, she heard the sound of a car pulling in, and she looked away from the stars to see the approaching vehicle which she soon recognized as Trevor’s van. Her breath caught in her throat, and her heart started beating faster as she waited for him to step out.
There was something funny to be said about the whole situation.
Ha. It was just like Trevor to find some morbid humor in this situation, even as he looked and existed in the rough way that he did. How fucking pathetic.
But there was something funny to be said about the whole situation – the fact that this would be the first time that Ash would have seen Trevor all week. This would be the first time that she’d be seeing his chapped face and bloodied knuckles and jagged fingernails all week. This would be the first time that she’d be smelling the aroma of the soap of his sixth third tonight’s soap mixed with the weed and the booze and the leftover smell of Axe that hung on the long-sleeved tee and jeans he’d been wearing since Sunday all week. This would be the first time that…that she’d be seeing him all week.
It was easy for Trevor to blend into the background. Though all he’d wanted to do his whole life was stand out in a way that wasn’t that of a blistered sore thumb, obviously he fucking failed at anything he tried, and all he was able to do was fall short of being anything aside from an eyesore that was ignorable but more fun to make fun of than just overlook the existence of. And if you weren’t seeking him out, you probably were only going to happen upon him on the unfortunate chance that you have some scheduled class time with him, or you chose the wrong time to take a piss. He hated people. People generally felt the same way about him.
Ash, on the other hand…she was everywhere. He saw her everywhere, somehow. Even when he smoked in his van instead of going to class at every given chance, skipped lunch to smoke in his van, he would someone hear her mentioned or see her around or fucking something.
It was like he was being haunted by what he’d done to her by…being haunted by her.
Funny, right…?
Ha. Yeah.
There was a pain in his chest that was too used to pain.. His anxious, guilty pulse drummed in the back of his tired, sleep-deprived mind persisted as he drove through traffic to the fairgrounds. It was the first place that he could think of. You know. Where they would be alone.
In the circle of light from a streetlight stood a figure that Trevor immediately knew was Ash’s. He slowed when he turned in, his van barely inching forward as he pressed as lightly on the gas as he could.
It was painful. The guilt in his head was squeezing him more than it had ever before, suffocating him, making it difficult for him to breathe.
The two conal streams of light coming from his headlights soon lit the back of Ash, and as he shifted into park, she turned around to face him.
He studied her for a moment, his mind frozen at the sight of her. His chest felt as though it would rip itself apart.
Slowly, he turned his key back toward him, and then shoved his keys in his pocket and popped the door open. He stared at the wetted asphalt.
Then, he planted his foot on the ground and slowly got out, shutting the door gently and lifting his head to look at Ash.
For another moment, he stared at her in the beam of his headlights. Him, with his dark bag-underlined eyes and his disheveled appearance and his bloodied hands that gripped the bottom of his tee, at her, the…the beautiful girl who he’d ripped the heart out of and stomped on.
Who gave a shite if he thought he had a reason? There was never a fucking reason to ever do that to her.
And then, his headlights clicked off – and, like a gun at the start of a race, it triggered something in Trevor that just propelled him forward.
To wrap his arms around Ash.
A sob rocked his shoulders as he gripped her tightly to his body. Uncontrollable. Unexplainable. He was out of tears – his eyes were dry – but his body was convulsing mournfully, guiltily.
“Oh fuck, Ash,” he said, his voice nothing more than a loud whisper and a few sparks of vocal fries. “Oh fuck, Ash, oh fuck, I’m so – I’m so fucking sorry.”
When he’d stepped out of the van onto the pavement, her breath had caught in her throat. In that stillness, she’d felt apprehensive about the whole situation. Like she was waiting for Trevor to step forward and start the fight back up, and her mind was racing, thinking through a million things that she should’ve done differently. Like… ways that would’ve avoided her standing here, that would have avoided that fight all together, and just…
The lights on the van switched off, and in the darkness, Trevor moved towards her. Her heart beat in her chest, her body tensing--
And then he just pulled her into a hug.
The shock didn’t last long before she was wrapping her arms around him and laid her head against his chest. The apprehension that she’d felt before, the fear, the… everything faded as she pressed against him, and felt him shaking in her arms. There was a pang in her chest as he started muttering apologies, and she lifted her head away from him so she could look up at his face.
“Hey,” she murmured, “hey, it’s fine, okay?” She reached a hand up and her thumb brushed against his cheek. There were no tears, but she noticed the bags under his eyes, and her lips twisted downwards into a pursed frown. Her eyebrows drew together in concern. “I’m sorry,” Ash said, “like… like for everything I said, I umm… are you okay?”
He was shaking. Physically shaking.
She pulled back, rubbed a thumb against his sore cheek, saying it was fine, but it wasn’t. When he sniffled, his raw nose felt as though it was going to bleed.
“I’m sorry,” Ash said, “like...like for everything I said, I umm...are you okay?”
“I…” He sniffled for another couple seconds, struggling to form any thoughts that weren’t nonsensical, trying to make words, but he couldn’t for the longest time.
And then, “I’m fine. I just — I just…”
He made a few struggled noises. His raw, fucked up throat made it sound as though he was choking.
He was pathetic. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
“I’m just — I’m shite,” he managed. Letting go of Ash and stepping away, he wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing his eyes shut and shivering as though he was cold. Gritting his teeth in self-anger, he shook his head, slouching and making his body as small as he could, his head turning toward the ground. “I’m feckin’ shite…”
He looked up at her, his eyes broken. “I broke my p-promise.” Stammering. Patheticpatheticpathetic. “I...I…”
He choked, looking back down, and barely audibly, he muttered, “Can you even forgive me…?”
As he pulled away from her, Ash’s arms dropped to cross over her chest. She watched as he shrank into himself, her eyes following his movements, and her heart feeling like it was breaking because there wasn’t like… like anything she could do to really help him. She wanted to, obviously. Like she wanted to make him stop feeling the pain, or the guilt, or whatever it was that had turned Trevor into a wreck.
For a moment after he spoke, she just stared at him. At his forlorn form, her gaze studying his figure, the words turning over and over in her head. She was like… she didn’t really get it, why he was asking her for any kind of forgiveness after like… like what had happened. Shouldn’t the roles be reversed, like with her asking him to forgive her?
Like, sure, the fight had been on both ends, but Ash…
She felt like she’d gone too far.
“Yeah, yeah, Trevor,” she started, her voice a soft murmur as she stepped forward, her hand gently reaching out to touch his arm. “I’m not, like… I’m not umm… I’m not mad at you, okay? I’m not upset, I just…” she trailed off, giving a little helpless shrug of her shoulders, her eyes starting to water. “I just really, like, I really missed you, but I’m not… it’s okay.”
She hesitated for a moment, her gaze still trying to search his, before she spoke again. “You’re not umm… you’re not shit, Trevor, you’re like… you’re just not.”
Her head reached out and touched his arm, and he lifted his head to look back up at her. And as she spoke, reassuring him that he was okay, he felt the patter in his chest all but halt. It was…fine? Fine by her? Or, she was fine enough with it to say that it was fine…
She looked at him for a moment, and then she said, “You’re not umm…you’re not shit, Trevor, you’re like…you’re just not.”
That wasn’t true. If she thought it was, she was lying to herself.
Trevor ducked his head again, hugging himself tightly for a moment. His body quivered. He put a hand over his eyes and squeezed them shut tightly, drawing in a deep breath and letting out a shuddered series of them.
Slowly, he lowered his hand and uncoiled his arms. “Ash…,” he said slowly, looking back at her with his dark eyes.
But he couldn’t really talk again. He couldn’t find any damn words.
So instead, he stepped closer to her, closing his arms around her once more and leaning down to give her a kiss.
Her eyes remained glued to his form, her hand extended out, fingers still brushing against his arm, as she watched him. Watched him take in a breath, watched him shake, and her stomach twisted, and her mind was reeling as she tried to figure out like… like what she could do.
And then he lifted his head, finally meeting her gaze, and her breath caught in her throat. She took a tiny step forward, listening as he spoke her name, and she waited patiently for him to finish his thought as she took another tiny step forward.
Instead of speaking (you know, for being a writer, he wasn't really great with his words -- Ash had kind of figured that one out), he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against hers. At first, she didn't react, instead kind of caught off guard by the act, but then she returned the kiss, her arms moving up to rest around his neck, and she rose up onto the balls of her feet because like, the height difference was a serious issue here.
And for a moment, for a long moment, she just kind of like stood there. Kissing him. Pretending and starting to feel as if everything truly was alright, as if there was nothing to worry about, as if the previous weekend's events had never even happened. It was just like… them, and she was happy, and this felt nice.
Eventually, she broke away from him, a small smile pressed onto her lips. She pressed her forehead against his for a moment, catching her breath with a soft laugh, and then she let go and fell back to the flats of her feet. Let one arm fall from around his neck to press against his chest, her smile growing a bit more as she studied his face.
"Are you okay?" She asked again, her finger tapping against his chest. "You look… you just look rough."
When she pulled away with a smile, he tried to mirror it. It fell short of anything convincing or even anything very noticeable, but it was there. Her forehead pressed against his, and she laughed, and he chuckled back as she let go of him and pressed a palm on his chest.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “You look…you just look rough.”
“Yeah,” he said, trying that small smile again. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just, ah…” He reached up a hand to rub his neck, looking up at the streetlight. “Ah…” The moths swarming the light reminded him of the strange, nauseous, guilty feeling in his chest. “Just…long…nights,” he finally said, chuckling and looking back at Ash. His rough tenor was hard to read, with its uncharacteristic raggedness and scratchiness. “Promise.”
He breathed out a long breath, stepping away from Ash and looking around. “This place…is really sketchy, isn’t it?” he commented, as absently as he could in an attempt to make it less obvious that he was just trying to distract from her question. He glanced back at her. “Maybe it wadn’t tha best place to meet up in the dead of the night, huh? Maybe we should get out of here…”His eyes trailed back to Rachel, and he glanced back at Ash. “A ride back?”
Trevor already made his way over to the vehicle with slow strides, and he opened the door for Ash.
And when he did, he suddenly realized. With a grunt, he facepalmed with his free hand – smack. “Oh shite, Ash.” He looked over at her. “I, ah…” Sheepishly smiling, he said, “I…took…your stuff…out of my vehicle…to clean Rachel, and, ah…” He gestured inside. “I…didn’t…put it back.”
Her heart fell a little bit, a small frown crossing her face as Trevor pulled away from her. He was lying or… at the very least not stating the whole truth, and it wasn't like she really wanted to head back yet. Like, they hadn't talked for a whole week. Was it so wrong of her to want to spend a little more time with him now?
She trailed after him, coming to a stop next to the opened door van as he mentioned her stuff. Her eyebrows drew together for a moment, a confused expression on her face.
"You took… my dress inside?" She echoed, briefly thinking about how, well, like, maybe now it'd smell less like weed than it would've stuck in his van all week long.
"That's fine, I don't really wanna go home yet, anyway," she said and leaned up, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "You can take me to get it, and maybe umm… like, if you're not busy, we could umm… we could, you know, like, hangout for a bit."
She kissed his cheek, and he raised a hand to feel where she’d kissed him. It felt…right, after all week of not seeing her, not touching her. “That’s fine,” she said, “I don’t really wanna go home yet, anyway. You can take me to get it, and maybe umm…like, if you’re not busy, we could umm…we could, you know, like, hangout for a bit.”
“Hang out for a bit?” he echoed.
His mind immediately went south.
“H-Hang out,” he repeated. Then, giving her a slightly more real smile, he answered: “Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I’d like that.”
He stared at her for another moment, then he walked to the driver’s side, throwing himself in. Turning on Rachel and looking over at Ash, he said, “You can choose the station,” and they were off for the apartment.
As they pulled out of the parking lot, Ash flipped through the different stations until she finally settled on… classical. Yep, easily the worst genre of music, but she knew that tended to be what Trevor chose.
She settled back into the seat, turning her attention outside as they drove along. It was kind of odd. Driving this same path, from the same place, to the same destination as they had just a couple of months earlier.
"Hey," she said, smiling as she looked over at him. "Do you know what tomorrow is? Like, other than umm… the Ball, you know." She held up her hand, holding up two fingers without waiting for an answer from Trevor. "Two months. Like, we'll be together for like… for two months."
“Two…months?” Trevor repeated. It sent a small shock through him. His mind was too tired and too wired to think, but if he could, he would probably be thinking something along the lines of, Just two feckin’ months?
Two months. That was all.
But also…hell, he hadn’t thought that they would last that long.
It was some miracle that they had. Even with the fights, even with the roughness…
“Well,” he said, “happy…anniversary?” He clicked on his turn signal. “We should do something to celebrate,” he said idly, “before the Ball…or something.”
Her eyes lit up, and she shifted in her seat so that she was facing Trevor fully. For Ash, the fight and like… everything that had happened beforehand had more or less like… it was forgotten -- for her, at least. She didn’t really dwell on things like that too much.
Plus like… when people were mad, they said things they didn’t really mean, right? So like whatever he’d said, and what she’d said, it was all just--
There was no point in letting it bring down her mood, or in letting it have an effect on their relationship.
“Maybe we could, like, umm…” she chewed at her bottom lip in thought, glancing out the windshield for a moment, “like maybe after the Ball or whatever? We could like do something then, you know? Like, if you don’t like… have any plans with Josie afterwards. I don’t think I have anything with, like, Newt, so…”
Ash wasn’t really sure how to even start bringing the subject back up -- after all, like, their last discussion about Ball had obviously ended with them, well… you know. Not talking for a whole week.
Trevor drew in a deep breath. He shouldn’t’ve brought the ball up. It was a point of contention or whatever, and now there was this awkward tension.
He couldn’t even fecking hold a conversation right. Pathetic.
Still, he glossed past it. “A…yeah,” he said. “After the ball.” He gave a small smile. “Sounds…good to me.”
Holding his girlfriend’s hand as he tugged her up the stairs to the apartment, Trevor, for once, found his loud head almost disturbingly quiet. There was a warm fuzz in his chest, a rightness that had somehow settled in from point A to point B, so that now, as he was opening the door and leading her inside the living room, it just felt…nice.
He didn’t deserve this – he deserved nothing like this. After a fight like that, after doing what he’d done and saying what he’d said, the last thing that he deserved was to enjoy a moment with Ash in his empty apartment.
But hell. The apartment was empty, and so was Trevor’s brain.
He laughed about something – a joke or something, he didn’t know, he’d just thought it was funny – as he shut the door, turned to Ash, smiled at her.
A moment passed, and he hadn’t realized he’d been standing there.
All he realized was that his head was saying, Damn.
Because…because damn.
He paused, turning away from her as his face reddened, and he reached up to rub his neck. “Ah, right, the stuff,” he said, diving right into the task at hand. He started toward his room. “My room’s a bit, ah…messy and shite,” he warned –
And then he realized that he still had his poems splayed out.
His eyes widened into a panic and his pace quickened into a run. He reached the room quickly, and he frantically ran for the desk.
WHADDOIDOWHADDOIDO –
Flinging his hands all across the papers to mix them up, Trevor glanced around for anything to do – and then he realized, with a gasp, that there were drawers in his desk. He whipped one open, gripped all of the papers in his hand, and SLAMmed the drawer shut.
He cringed, though, when he opened his eyes from the shock of the shutting drawer, and he almost felt physically nauseated by the sight after a second more. Slowly, he opened the drawer, and he carefully tucked the corners of the papers into the desk.
Having the ears of paper peeking out physically pained him.
He turned toward the door, only to see Ash already standing there. He chuckled nervously, casually leaning back against the desk with his palm as he reached up with his other hand to run it through his hair. “Aha…,” he said, smiling at her and trying to convince her nonverbally that nothing weird was happening at all.
She was kind of relieved that none of Trevor’s roommates were home right now -- like, Amy and Josie apparently already knew, so it wasn’t like that would’ve been a big deal, but… she felt like if they had been, it would’ve just caused issues.
Ash was, like, actually relaxed and smiling as she followed him into the apartment, but they’d just barely stepped through the doorway while Trevor was apologizing for the messiness of his room, when suddenly, his eyes like widened and he took off for his room.
There was a curious tilt to Ash’s head as she followed more slowly after him. A bit tentatively, she poked her head through the doorway, her fingers brushing against the doorframe as she watched Trevor slamming some papers into a desk drawer. She hadn’t seen anything that was written on them, but by like his behavior… she could only guess it wasn’t too great.
She bit her tongue, hazel eyes moving from the desk drawer to look at Trevor, forcing a small smile onto her face. “Poems?” She asked, although she knew the answer -- that was like, basically all that he ever did.
Ash stepped away from the door frame and further into his room. She took a seat on the end of the bed, her gaze flickering back down to the desk, and then back up to his face. “Can I umm… like read them?”
Well, that was probably a dumb question.
Not even probably -- like, it was.
Ash tilted her head curiously, a small smile on her face. “Poems?”
Trevor’s obviously fake chuckles ensued: “Aha…he…ha. Poems…? Poems. Poems? “ He waved a hand dismissively. “Poems. Pshh, poems. Poeeeeems.” He chuckled again. “Ahaaa –” He ducked his head. “Yeahthey’repoems.”
She stepped further into his room, seating herself on the bed. She looked down at the desk, and then back up at Trevor. “Can I umm…like read them?”
No was his immediate first thought. His brows raised, and he blinked a few times rapidly, just smiling at her. “Sure,” he said.
WHYTHEFECKDIDYOUJUSTSAYSURE?
Chuckling nervously again as he realized what he’d just said, he slowwwwly turned back to his desk, his eyes focusing on the drawer. SHITESHITESHITE. Now he’d told her that she could read some of his poetry, but the only poems he had shoved in that drawer was the same damn one he’d been writing and rewriting all we –
Wait.
He noticed, in his periphery, something missing from his desktop. His eyes flicked to focus on the empty spot.
And for once, he applauded himself for his stupidity – because he’d shoved his journal in there, too.
So at least he had more options.
Opening his drawer, Trevor grabbed his journal. He quickly shut the drawer again so Ash couldn’t peek inside, but he was careful not to let the corners peek out of the drawer again.
Swallowing nervously, Trevor glanced at his girlfriend. He gave her a tight smile, and he looked back at his journal. He slowly opened it up, and he flipped to where the bookmark was.
He read the first few lines, and he grimaced internally.
But looking back up at Ash…there was…no way he really saw out of this.
Smiling tightly and shoving back his nervousness, he passed her the book. “It’s…ah…it’s…short…and…not that…grand, but…go…go for it,” he said.
And I've been walking down that road
And I can feel the wind between my toes
Blowing oh so soft
And I've been thinking maybe it's right
And I can finally feel the things I like
Shiver when you talk
Do your lips feel all of the things that mine do?
Do you feel that tingle inside of your shoes?
And nothing's wrong
It's just love
Do you look at our hands and see that new crease
From my trembling hand that cannot be released?
To be honest, she was kind of surprised that he’d actually let her read one of his poems. She watched as he went back to the desk, rummaging through the drawer for a moment before pulling out his journal. She waited while he flipped to a page, reading over it, and then passing it to her.
“It’s…ah…it’s…short…and…not that…grand, but…go…go for it,” he said.
She gave him a little smile and a nod of her head, and then she looked down at the journal placed on her lap to read over the words. Her lips moved slowly, forming the words as she read over them, one hand going up to mess with the pendant of her necklace as she did so.
She read over it once, her eyes lingering on a few of the words, before she read it over again, and again, and then finally, she tore her gaze away from the journal to look up at Trevor’s rather nervous face. Ash gave him a soft smile.
“It’s, umm… like it’s really, really good,” she said with a soft laugh as she looked back down at the words, reading over a few of them again, before she picked the journal up and held it back out to Trevor. “I wish I could write like, half that good.” Once he’d taken the notebook back, she shifted further up the bed, pulling her legs up and crossing them. “When did you umm… like, do you remember when you wrote it?”
Trevor hated watching people read his shite. It was always the worst feeling. It felt so fecking…exposed.
If he was going to be naked around Ash, he'd rather it be literal.
And the worst part was that it, like from a burning trainwreck, was impossible to look away.
He stared at her eyes, watching her face intensely and nervously as she read over his words.
And then, she smiled.
And he let out a deep breath that he hadn’t realized was still in him. Yes, like a Wattpad Y/N.
“It’s, umm…like it’s really, really good,” she said with a small laugh, and she held the journal back out to Trevor. He took it back and quickly moved to shove it back in the drawer before too much more could be asked about anything in regards to his poetry. “I wish I could write like, half that good.”
He chuckled at that, a genuine smile pulling at his lips as he turned back to the bed. “Oh, thanks. It’s, ah…it’s kind of my job.”
As he sat down beside her, Ash spoke again. “When did you umm…like, do you remember when you wrote it?”
Trevor blinked, a bit confused as to why she still wanted to know more about poetry. Aside from his teachers who only spoke to him in regards to assignments, no one ever wanted to know more about feckin’ poetry. It was boring, he’d been told always. Boring and stupid.
Still, if she wanted to know about something so boring, then he guessed he’d tell her. Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed. “I…ah…” His brows furrowed as he tried to remember, and then he nodded. “Oh, right. It’s the last one I wrote in there…so I guess it was after our date last Saturday.”
He smiled as he finished his sentence in his head.
I was…falling in love or something.
Yeah, that was the kind of answer that she’d wanted to hear, but hearing it aloud now it like… she turned her head down, a smile on her lips as she tried to control the reddening of her cheeks. It was like, it was weird, because like, he’d said that stuff or whatever back at the date at the aquarium -- about how he like, he wanted to try for love or whatever, but reading that and hearing him say that he’d written it after their date, like…
It made it feel more real.
It kind of made her feel sick to her stomach, kind of made her feel dizzy.
She’d been like… she’d felt that before, and it had never worked out super well for her.
“Hey,” she said, her voice quiet and breathless. Ash waited for him to turn towards her, and then she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.
Her heart felt like it might just, like, burst out of her chest or something.
She broke away, her gaze studying his. “I umm… I’m like… glad, that we’re… okay,” that was a bit of a strong word, “I like really missed you and I like… I just… really care about you, and I dunno, I thought I fucked everything up.”
There was something about thinking it, about almost saying it, about being tempted to say it, that made Trevor’s heart give a squeeze.
He didn’t have a good heart, either, so he thought that he could be having a little heart attack for a second before he realized…
No. No.
It was just his body telling him, again, that this felt…right.
And for once, his head was fuzzy enough without any drugs to agree – or, at least, to not disagree.
“Hey,” Ash said after a moment, and Trevor turned to her just to have her lips pressed against his.
His heart jerked into his throat, and he felt his face begin to burn as the pleasant surprise set in.
She broke away, and their eyes locked on each other’s. “I umm…I’m like…glad, that we’re…okay.”
“Me too,” Trevor said. His fucked up voice was soft. Still fucked up, but soft.
“I like really missed you and I like…I just…really care about you,” Ash said, “and I dunno, I thought I fucked everything up.”
“You…” Trevor started to repeat her, but then he just laughed softly. “You thought that? I thought that,” he said, and he chuckled again.
Something about its memory pinched in his head, but the throbbing in his heart was too much for him to even acknowledge that blip.
Leaning in again, he said, with a small smile, “But that’s all in the past, darlin’. An’...” He breathed in deeply. The hand he brought to her chin was shaking like a leaf. “An’ us? We’re in the now. That’s all we need, right?”
Now. The now.
Coming from an obsessively organized pedant like Trevor, those words meant something.
With that, he closed the small gap between their lips, kissing her again.
At some point, she’d fallen asleep. And at some point, the sun had come through the stupid windows, and Ash had pulled an unfamiliar pillow over her head so that she could, like, stay asleep because Ash? Yeah, she didn’t wake up before the sun, and she didn’t even wake up when the sun was like all the way up. She slept in as late as she could, often pushing it towards noon on the weekends.
And hey, tonight was going to be a busy, probably late night. The Winter Ball and all. So obviously, she needed to get all the sleep that she could. Duh.
Except, that was kind of ruined by someone grabbing her shoulder and shaking her, and all she heard through the pillow was her name followed by ”wake up.”
The aggressive wakening caused her to push the pillow away from her face, wincing as she rolled over onto her back and the sunlight burned against her eyes. “What’s wrong?” She groaned as she pushed herself up so that she was propped up on one elbow, her other hand coming up to wipe at her eyes.
She didn’t know what time it was, just that it was too freaking early.
As Trevor drifted back into consciousness after the first full night’s sleep in...what, a week? Feck...well, anyway. As he drifted back into consciousness bright and early, Trevor slowly realized that there was a warmth beside him. He didn’t think anything of it for a solid bit. He just kind of cracked open his eyes and stared at the barely-lit ceiling.
And then, with a jerk, he realized for a second time: there was a warmth beside him.
SHITESHITESHITE.
All at once, it came back to him — last night. The makeup, the drive back, the poem, the —
He looked to his right, and sure enough, there she was.
Staying overnight.
In the apartment.
With one of his roommates who he was still hiding her from.
“Oh fuck,” he muttered, and he reached over and grabbed Ash’s shoulder. Giving her a single shake, he whispered, “Wake up.” But she didn’t wake up, and he drew in a panicked breath, beginning to frantically shake her. “Wakeupwakeupwakeup,” he begged.
Ash rolled over slowly and winced. “What’s wrong?” she groaned, pushing up onto an elbow. One of her hands wiped her eyes.
“Ash, it’s morning,” he whispered frantically, his eyes panicked. “Morning.” He paused a second, but it didn’t seem to be settling in with Ash. “You know what that means?” he asked. “It means that the apartment’s full.” He swallowed fearfully, finally saying, “Charlie’s here.”
Ash was still trying to wake up as Trevor basically panicked beside her. She looked at him through groggy eyes, and all she really wanted to do was lay back down and go back to sleep -- because like, Amy and Josie already knew, so who cared if Charlie found out? Right?
But like, he obviously didn’t want her to know or whatever, so Ash groaned and threw the blankets off before climbing out of bed. She picked her phone up from the night stand beside the bed, checking the time to see that it really was way too goddamn early.
“Okay, okay, just like… look, it’s fine,” Ash said as she turned back towards Trevor. “She’s probably still just, like, sleeping in her room. I’ll just like… walk right out, but umm… like where’s my stuff? Like I need my dress.” You know, the whole reason she’d even come over.
“You’re –” And then he remembered. “Oh. Right. Your dress.”
Sitting up, Trevor rubbed his eyes and grunted. He stood, walking to the end of his bed, and he held out Ash’s bags.
Seeing her again, in the morning, was…nice. He kind of realized it abruptly, and he found himself smiling and just…standing. Probably looking really awkward. Probably looking mildly creepy.
When he realized he was standing, he cleared his throat, looking away and blushing. As she took the bags, though, he peeked back at her, and he found himself smiling once more.
“You’re really pretty,” he said abruptly, and then he cleared his throat, shyly muttering, “Uh…ya know,” to try and make the whole thing less awkward.
He cleared his throat, looking at her again and smiling. Puffing out air, he nodded. “Yeah, so, ah…”
But he trailed off.
She needed to leave.
He just didn’t know how to tell her.
Ash had pulled on her shoes and, before she bothered to take her belongings from Trevor, she paused in front of the mirror on the back of his door. Her fingers pulled through the tangled blonde mess, trying to make her hair look a little less walk of shame-y before she bothered to head out and get a ride home.
Once she was decently enough fixed up, Ash turned back towards Trevor. There was a warm smile on her face as she reached out to take her stuff from him, letting out a small "thanks" as she did so.
"You're really pretty," he said, which earned a surprised blink from her.
"Thanks," she said with a soft laugh. "Wait until later -- like, at the Ball. My dress is really hot and I'm going to look, like… like amazing."
It was the first time she'd actually had any confidence in the dress that Mikaela had picked out for her, but hey, better late than never.
For a moment, there was just some awkward standing, and then Ash stepped forward, giving Trevor a quick kiss.
"I'll see you later," she said as she backed towards the door, her hand closing on the door handle. "Umm… yeah, okay? Have fun with Josie." She said, offering one last smile before she turned the door handle and stepped out into the hallway.
Ash quietly made her way down the hallway, or like as quietly as she could. But as she stepped into the living room, she came to an abrupt halt when she noticed the tiny blonde that was passed out on the couch.
Sucking in a breath, as if that would make her quieter, Ash made her way to the front door. She'd made it, and she was in the middle of unlocking the door to head out when the groggy voice of Charlie beside her spoke.
"Don't forget to lock the door," Charlie said, and then she was fumbling around on the table before she held some keys out to Ash.
Fuck.
Ash reached out, taking the keys from Charlie.
"Damn, Trevor, your hands are soft," the blonde continued to mumble. "Good job on the moisturizer, dude."
In her best, deep man voice (but also not too deep because it was Trevor), Ash said; "Thanks," before she tossed the keys onto the other couch, and then opened the door and stepped out, pulling it shut behind her.
She exhaled a deep breath, and then pulled her phone out to start finding an Uber as she headed down the stairs of the apartment building.
God, she was crying, too. Was she ever going to stop crying? He fecking doubted it. What was she accomplishing by that? What did she think she was accomplishing by that?
“I turned down, umm…I turned down like…like dates for you,” she mumbled.
“Good for you,” Trevor sighed deeply, rolling his knuckles back.
Ash continued, “Cap and Eli were even like…Ian was even like, he was almost ready to come out here to go with me, and you just…”
“Ian?” Oh right. Her ex-boyfriend. There was another small burn in his chest at the mention of yet another fucking person who –
God, fecking fuck. He couldn’t handle this shite.
He looked over at her, just to see her looking at him. She looked like a fucking mess. Her hazel eyes, searching his face, were bloodshot.
There was a pang in the back of his head, a guilty warning to shut up shut up shut up, but he ignored it, just shifting his shoulders and looking away. “What?”
“I don’t…I don’t care who knows, Trevor,” she said. “I don’t fucking care if Amy or Jo or…or everyone knows, because that’s…that’s all I really fucking want. I just…you yelled at me for telling Eli. You fucking…you flipped because I got excited and told Eli, and because I told Maddie, and you’re just…you’re a fucking hypocrite.”
He scoffed at that, looking over at her. “Oh, I’m the feckin’ hypocrite, am I? Me, tha one who kept my promise to be secret until you fucking broke it – after you fucking suggested it, after you fucking convinced me to be? I’m the fucking hypocrite?!” He had to laugh. “You told me that keeping this a secret and not telling anybody was the best feckin’ idea, and suddenly your tune changes, and suddenly you’re tellin’ bitches who tell other bitches who will scream it aloud in the mall while making you burst into tears, and then it’s my feckin’ fault for wantin’ – for – fer what, Ash?! For telling my friends?!”
He gripped the wheel tighter. “Ash, I’m not a fucking hypocrite – and if I fucking am, it’s not about that shite. I told you that I wanted to be goddamn feckin’ secret, that I wasn’t fucking comfortable being public, okay?! Is that not enough for you?! Is me saying no so fucking hard for you to process?! Is it so fucking astounding that me, this pathetic fucking scum of the earth bastard who gets told that he should go die in a fucking ditch every single fucking day wouldn’t want his private shite announced to the world?!”
He grit his teeth. “If you’d told anyone fucking else after you broke that fucking promise to me, fine. If they can keep a fucking secret, fine. But you told – you told – you told…”
Eli. Maddie. JJ.
And JJ told the fucking world.
“You expect me to fucking trust you?! You expect me to trust a single thing you fucking say after you broke that fucking promise?!” He was yelling now, and his words were just the most hurtful things that his mind could come up with.
Because who gave a shite anymore, huh? Why did it matter? If he was already fucking talking, there was no point in stopping.
Trevor never did stop when it was good for him.
"Lucky wasn't trying to kiss me," Ash said. "He was just…he was just trying to, like…comfort me because my mom was a bitch. See, like, you wouldn't know like…you wouldn't know what that's like, because you only care about yourself and just…" She shook her head.
Trevor blinked. “I only care about myself?” he repeated. “Oh, I really only care about myself, huh?!” Saying it again was even more fucking outrageous. He jabbed a finger into his chest, his sights lasered on Ash. “Who the fuck ran to you when you were drinking yourself alone in the cold feckin’ floor of a science room, huh?! Who was with you then, huh?! Who stood with you in your dressing room, even though he was feckin’ scared piss straight, just so he could tell you that you were going to do great, because he felt like you were going to do feckin’ great?! Who – who – who –”
He shook his head, letting out a hiss and slamming his fist on the wheel again. “Who – who shut up and acted like he was fucking fine with seeing his girlfriend, this girl who he’s feckin’ falling for, has already fallen for, swearing that there’s nothing that this fuckhead wants to do with her beyond being his friend as she’s – as she likes him more and more and her goddamn boyfriend less and less?!” His voice cracked several times during when he was saying that, but he didn’t give a shite. There were tears in his eyes, but who gave a fuck. “Who fucking shoved back the thought that the girl who had finally given him a fucking chance had already moved past him because he – because he was told that it was fucking nothing, every single fucking time?!”
He gestured to her now, his shoulders heaving from ragged breaths. “Who bought you that fucking necklace you’re wearing?” His voice was softer, and for a moment, the genuine hurt of the situation showed itself in his eyes.
I care about you. Why do you do this?!
And then, it broke, and his anger seeped through over it again. “Who told you he’d try, in spite of himself, huh?!” he yelled. “Who’s here for you right fucking now, Ash, huh?!”
"Lucky might want to fuck me, but at least he actually listens and cares about me aside from just wanting to get his dick wet," Ash said, "and yeah, he did try to kiss me at that stupid dinner party and I should've fucking let him because you were probably, like...off fucking Maggie because she gave you weed and that's all you care about, right?"
Trevor froze.
Ash…
So she’d finally fucking said it.
Lucky is better than you.
And…
And they’d almost kissed, and he’d tried to kiss her, and she…didn’t give a shit?! Didn’t think to fucking tell him?! Didn’t…
His grip on the wheel loosened. “He tried to –”
SLAM!
Rattle…
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
There was a ringing in his ears. His mouth was dry.
And a tear rolled down his face.
When it reached his cheek, his face abruptly screwed up, and he slammed his fist into the horn. Holding it down and blaring it, he let out a scream straight from his chest, squeezing his eyes shut and crying out with all of the pain that he was feeling. And when the scream was over, he slammed his head against the wheel, and he yanked his van into reverse, and he drove the fuck away from…from…
Who was she, anyway?
• • • • •
My heart is heavy and my eyes are red
There's forty different voices fuckin' with my head
I don't like this side of me
And neither do you
Everything looks perfect
When you're just passing through
My stomach's turning
Lying on my roof
You're sure I did something wrong
You just ain't got any proof
I don't like this side of me
And neither do you
Everything looks perfect
When you're just passing through
I won't apologize
I won't apologize
I won't apologize
• • • • •
My heart is heavy and my eyes are red
There's forty different voices fuckin' with my head
I don't like this side of me
And neither do you
Everything looks perfect
When you're just passing through
My stomach's turning
Lying on my roof
You're sure I did something wrong
You just ain't got any proof
I don't like this side of me
And neither do you
Everything looks perfect
When you're just passing through
I won't apologize
I won't apologize
I won't apologize
• • • • •
I won’t apologize
His pen curled the last e, and his wrist gave him a sharp pain. It let him know that he’d been writing too long, that it was time to stop writing the same thing over and over and over again, that it was futile, that that wasn’t going to reverse what he had done.
His knuckles were raw and red. There were splits on the centers of them, and small speckles of scabs surrounding those, too. He obsessively picked at them, so they were in and out of bleeding and not bleeding and bleeding and not bleeding. But it hurt to pick at them, because he didn’t have any fingernails, so the pads of his pointer and thumb were red and aching, too. His fingernails were down to the beds, jagged at the ends from the rough gnawings of his teeth. His eyes were dry, and it hurt to blink. His face was sore; the apples of his cheeks were perpetually pink and ached in the cold air. His pale skin was sicklier than usual, his dark circles even darker. He wasn’t sleeping, he was hardly eating.
And his voice. It was raw. Grainy. Scratchy. Low. And as he mumbled aloud to himself, “Shite,” the only thing that came out was a puff of air.
His stomach turned, and he felt sick again. He glanced over at the trash can to the left of his desk, down into the basket. He felt a churn, but, groaning, he turned away, placing his elbows on his desk and gripping his head tightly.
“God, fuck, Trevor, you miserable fucking sack of shite,” he mumbled, “shut the fuck up and take it. You’re fucking asking for it anyway.”
He was giving into it. He was giving into the mind that was beating him up, the guilt that was wearing him down. The guilt that told him that he should have felt bad back there, that the fact that he didn’t was monstrous.
He came at her for not keeping her promise, but…but he’d done the same fucking thing.
He was going to be a good boyfriend, he told her. He was going to try, he told her.
And then…and then…
“Shite.”
He hated himself. He hated himself, he hated himself, hehatedhimselfhehatedhimselfhehatedhimself.
He couldn’t blame her for feeling the same.
Lifting his head again, his eyes fell upon his phone. When he picked it up, the screen’s light burned his eyes. Squinting, he unlocked it, and he opened his messages.
He froze at the last message he’d sent to her. Just a little, “Sure, yeah. I'll see you later.”
It made him feel nauseous again.
Slowly, he dropped the pen, watching it fall to the papers with the poem that he’d written and rewritten on them all week. For a few moments, he stared at the words, I won’t apologize, I won’t apologize, I won’t apologize.
And then, he looked back to his phone, and moments later, he sent:
I have your things. Can we meet up?
• • • • •
She felt sick.
It was nothing new -- like, she’d felt sick… like… every day since last Saturday.
Cappie had shown up shortly after she’d called him, and the first thing she’d done was just hug him, bury her face in his chest, and try to tell him everything that had happened through sobs. Sure, that’s all she’d been doing all day anyway, but there was something different about it when you were actually with someone that held you and, like, comforted you. Made you feel better.
Eventually, the sobs had subsided and exhausted, she’d climbed into the passenger seat of the car. She’d caught sight of herself in the passenger side mirror, and she just looked like… absolute hell. So she’d sunk down into the seat so she couldn’t see her face anymore, and instead turned her attention down to the phone in her hand.
Nothing from Trevor.
Once they’d gotten home, she’d taken off to the bathroom to try and wash the day’s mistakes from her face, and then she’d returned to the living room, where she collapsed on the couch beside Cappie. He’d started up the TV and for a while, they watched reruns of The Office, and a smile actually managed to come onto her face as she kind of was able to forget about the day’s events.
At some point, she’d fallen asleep and when she’d woken up several hours later, the television was off, there was a blanket over her (thanks, Cap), and she was alone.
Again, she’d checked her phone for the time.
Like two in the morning.
Still nothing from Trevor.
She hesitated, fingers hovering over the keyboard, and then she decided against it -- instead turning her phone off and dropping it back to her side.
Instead, she headed to her room, making sure to tiptoe up the stairs so that she didn’t wake anyone up, and she slipped into her room. Ash turned on the lamp next to her bed, and dropped down to her knees to reach underneath her bed, her fingers feeling around until they closed around the familiar bottle.
And…
That was, well, pretty much how the rest of her week had gone.
On Sunday, she had tried to reach out to Trevor. She’d sent him some text apologizing for… whatever had happened, asking if they could talk or something, and she’d waited but like… there was nothing from him. He didn’t even open it.
It was fine.
She’d gone to school, painted a smile on her face, and acted like everything was fine and dandy. Ash was good at that -- she was good at pretending, at acting like the events of Saturday hadn’t gotten under her skin. Like… she didn’t constantly find herself wondering if the people she called her friends whispered about her after she left, calling her a whore like JJ had, or like… that people weren’t looking at her and wondering to themselves how true ThirsTea’s words had been, or….
Well, no one knew about Trevor, at least.
With some worry that people might pay more attention to her, though, Ash had spent the last week’s lunch periods hiding away in music rooms with the excuse that she needed to work on her music -- which like, was obviously a lie, because she hated working on it.
And then it was back home, and it was trying to act normal around Eli, Cap, and Gen, and then it was back to her room, and it was back to nursing a bottle of vodka until she fell asleep.
Well, and watching her phone. Waiting to see if there was like, any reply from Trevor.
(There never was.)
Pretty easy week.
• • • • •
When she’d first gotten the text back from Trevor, Ash had been in her bed (basically where she’d existed all week long) just… like… chilling on her phone and wasting the night away. But now, she actually sat up in her bed, her eyes scanning the text and reading it again and again.
Half of her didn’t truly believe that it’d been sent. Like… she was dreaming, or all the alcohol had really gotten to her, but when she closed out of it for a moment to think, and then she opened the text back up, it was still there. Trevor like… asking to meet up.
After another moment, she responded. Agreeing to meet up, and then a little discussion on where to meet up and… she was leaving. Slipping out of the mansion without telling them where she was headed because well like, obviously Eli and Cap weren’t super happy with Trevor, so how was she supposed to tell them that that’s where she was headed to?
And one short Uber drive later, Ash was there. Like… where they’d agreed to meet up -- at the lot where the Fall Festival had been held, which was now cleared out. She lingered near the front of it, her hands shoved into the pockets of her jacket, and her gaze turned up towards the sky to look at the stars. Her teeth lightly chewed at her bottom lip.
She was trying to distract herself while she waited, trying not to get nervous, and like… trying not to think about the fact that chances were, he wasn’t even going to show.
Stars calmed her, though, so looking up caused some relief. Even if he didn’t show up, it was nice to spend a night out underneath her favorite thing without alcohol being pumped through her system.
But eventually, she heard the sound of a car pulling in, and she looked away from the stars to see the approaching vehicle which she soon recognized as Trevor’s van. Her breath caught in her throat, and her heart started beating faster as she waited for him to step out.
• • • • •
There was something funny to be said about the whole situation.
Ha. It was just like Trevor to find some morbid humor in this situation, even as he looked and existed in the rough way that he did. How fucking pathetic.
But there was something funny to be said about the whole situation – the fact that this would be the first time that Ash would have seen Trevor all week. This would be the first time that she’d be seeing his chapped face and bloodied knuckles and jagged fingernails all week. This would be the first time that she’d be smelling the aroma of the soap of his sixth third tonight’s soap mixed with the weed and the booze and the leftover smell of Axe that hung on the long-sleeved tee and jeans he’d been wearing since Sunday all week. This would be the first time that…that she’d be seeing him all week.
It was easy for Trevor to blend into the background. Though all he’d wanted to do his whole life was stand out in a way that wasn’t that of a blistered sore thumb, obviously he fucking failed at anything he tried, and all he was able to do was fall short of being anything aside from an eyesore that was ignorable but more fun to make fun of than just overlook the existence of. And if you weren’t seeking him out, you probably were only going to happen upon him on the unfortunate chance that you have some scheduled class time with him, or you chose the wrong time to take a piss. He hated people. People generally felt the same way about him.
Ash, on the other hand…she was everywhere. He saw her everywhere, somehow. Even when he smoked in his van instead of going to class at every given chance, skipped lunch to smoke in his van, he would someone hear her mentioned or see her around or fucking something.
It was like he was being haunted by what he’d done to her by…being haunted by her.
Funny, right…?
Ha. Yeah.
There was a pain in his chest that was too used to pain.. His anxious, guilty pulse drummed in the back of his tired, sleep-deprived mind persisted as he drove through traffic to the fairgrounds. It was the first place that he could think of. You know. Where they would be alone.
In the circle of light from a streetlight stood a figure that Trevor immediately knew was Ash’s. He slowed when he turned in, his van barely inching forward as he pressed as lightly on the gas as he could.
It was painful. The guilt in his head was squeezing him more than it had ever before, suffocating him, making it difficult for him to breathe.
The two conal streams of light coming from his headlights soon lit the back of Ash, and as he shifted into park, she turned around to face him.
He studied her for a moment, his mind frozen at the sight of her. His chest felt as though it would rip itself apart.
Slowly, he turned his key back toward him, and then shoved his keys in his pocket and popped the door open. He stared at the wetted asphalt.
Then, he planted his foot on the ground and slowly got out, shutting the door gently and lifting his head to look at Ash.
For another moment, he stared at her in the beam of his headlights. Him, with his dark bag-underlined eyes and his disheveled appearance and his bloodied hands that gripped the bottom of his tee, at her, the…the beautiful girl who he’d ripped the heart out of and stomped on.
Who gave a shite if he thought he had a reason? There was never a fucking reason to ever do that to her.
And then, his headlights clicked off – and, like a gun at the start of a race, it triggered something in Trevor that just propelled him forward.
To wrap his arms around Ash.
A sob rocked his shoulders as he gripped her tightly to his body. Uncontrollable. Unexplainable. He was out of tears – his eyes were dry – but his body was convulsing mournfully, guiltily.
“Oh fuck, Ash,” he said, his voice nothing more than a loud whisper and a few sparks of vocal fries. “Oh fuck, Ash, oh fuck, I’m so – I’m so fucking sorry.”
• • • • •
When he’d stepped out of the van onto the pavement, her breath had caught in her throat. In that stillness, she’d felt apprehensive about the whole situation. Like she was waiting for Trevor to step forward and start the fight back up, and her mind was racing, thinking through a million things that she should’ve done differently. Like… ways that would’ve avoided her standing here, that would have avoided that fight all together, and just…
The lights on the van switched off, and in the darkness, Trevor moved towards her. Her heart beat in her chest, her body tensing--
And then he just pulled her into a hug.
The shock didn’t last long before she was wrapping her arms around him and laid her head against his chest. The apprehension that she’d felt before, the fear, the… everything faded as she pressed against him, and felt him shaking in her arms. There was a pang in her chest as he started muttering apologies, and she lifted her head away from him so she could look up at his face.
“Hey,” she murmured, “hey, it’s fine, okay?” She reached a hand up and her thumb brushed against his cheek. There were no tears, but she noticed the bags under his eyes, and her lips twisted downwards into a pursed frown. Her eyebrows drew together in concern. “I’m sorry,” Ash said, “like… like for everything I said, I umm… are you okay?”
• • • • •
He was shaking. Physically shaking.
She pulled back, rubbed a thumb against his sore cheek, saying it was fine, but it wasn’t. When he sniffled, his raw nose felt as though it was going to bleed.
“I’m sorry,” Ash said, “like...like for everything I said, I umm...are you okay?”
“I…” He sniffled for another couple seconds, struggling to form any thoughts that weren’t nonsensical, trying to make words, but he couldn’t for the longest time.
And then, “I’m fine. I just — I just…”
He made a few struggled noises. His raw, fucked up throat made it sound as though he was choking.
He was pathetic. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
“I’m just — I’m shite,” he managed. Letting go of Ash and stepping away, he wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing his eyes shut and shivering as though he was cold. Gritting his teeth in self-anger, he shook his head, slouching and making his body as small as he could, his head turning toward the ground. “I’m feckin’ shite…”
He looked up at her, his eyes broken. “I broke my p-promise.” Stammering. Patheticpatheticpathetic. “I...I…”
He choked, looking back down, and barely audibly, he muttered, “Can you even forgive me…?”
• • • • •
As he pulled away from her, Ash’s arms dropped to cross over her chest. She watched as he shrank into himself, her eyes following his movements, and her heart feeling like it was breaking because there wasn’t like… like anything she could do to really help him. She wanted to, obviously. Like she wanted to make him stop feeling the pain, or the guilt, or whatever it was that had turned Trevor into a wreck.
For a moment after he spoke, she just stared at him. At his forlorn form, her gaze studying his figure, the words turning over and over in her head. She was like… she didn’t really get it, why he was asking her for any kind of forgiveness after like… like what had happened. Shouldn’t the roles be reversed, like with her asking him to forgive her?
Like, sure, the fight had been on both ends, but Ash…
She felt like she’d gone too far.
“Yeah, yeah, Trevor,” she started, her voice a soft murmur as she stepped forward, her hand gently reaching out to touch his arm. “I’m not, like… I’m not umm… I’m not mad at you, okay? I’m not upset, I just…” she trailed off, giving a little helpless shrug of her shoulders, her eyes starting to water. “I just really, like, I really missed you, but I’m not… it’s okay.”
She hesitated for a moment, her gaze still trying to search his, before she spoke again. “You’re not umm… you’re not shit, Trevor, you’re like… you’re just not.”
• • • • •
Her head reached out and touched his arm, and he lifted his head to look back up at her. And as she spoke, reassuring him that he was okay, he felt the patter in his chest all but halt. It was…fine? Fine by her? Or, she was fine enough with it to say that it was fine…
She looked at him for a moment, and then she said, “You’re not umm…you’re not shit, Trevor, you’re like…you’re just not.”
That wasn’t true. If she thought it was, she was lying to herself.
Trevor ducked his head again, hugging himself tightly for a moment. His body quivered. He put a hand over his eyes and squeezed them shut tightly, drawing in a deep breath and letting out a shuddered series of them.
Slowly, he lowered his hand and uncoiled his arms. “Ash…,” he said slowly, looking back at her with his dark eyes.
But he couldn’t really talk again. He couldn’t find any damn words.
So instead, he stepped closer to her, closing his arms around her once more and leaning down to give her a kiss.
• • • • •
Her eyes remained glued to his form, her hand extended out, fingers still brushing against his arm, as she watched him. Watched him take in a breath, watched him shake, and her stomach twisted, and her mind was reeling as she tried to figure out like… like what she could do.
And then he lifted his head, finally meeting her gaze, and her breath caught in her throat. She took a tiny step forward, listening as he spoke her name, and she waited patiently for him to finish his thought as she took another tiny step forward.
Instead of speaking (you know, for being a writer, he wasn't really great with his words -- Ash had kind of figured that one out), he closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against hers. At first, she didn't react, instead kind of caught off guard by the act, but then she returned the kiss, her arms moving up to rest around his neck, and she rose up onto the balls of her feet because like, the height difference was a serious issue here.
And for a moment, for a long moment, she just kind of like stood there. Kissing him. Pretending and starting to feel as if everything truly was alright, as if there was nothing to worry about, as if the previous weekend's events had never even happened. It was just like… them, and she was happy, and this felt nice.
Eventually, she broke away from him, a small smile pressed onto her lips. She pressed her forehead against his for a moment, catching her breath with a soft laugh, and then she let go and fell back to the flats of her feet. Let one arm fall from around his neck to press against his chest, her smile growing a bit more as she studied his face.
"Are you okay?" She asked again, her finger tapping against his chest. "You look… you just look rough."
• • • • •
When she pulled away with a smile, he tried to mirror it. It fell short of anything convincing or even anything very noticeable, but it was there. Her forehead pressed against his, and she laughed, and he chuckled back as she let go of him and pressed a palm on his chest.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “You look…you just look rough.”
“Yeah,” he said, trying that small smile again. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just, ah…” He reached up a hand to rub his neck, looking up at the streetlight. “Ah…” The moths swarming the light reminded him of the strange, nauseous, guilty feeling in his chest. “Just…long…nights,” he finally said, chuckling and looking back at Ash. His rough tenor was hard to read, with its uncharacteristic raggedness and scratchiness. “Promise.”
He breathed out a long breath, stepping away from Ash and looking around. “This place…is really sketchy, isn’t it?” he commented, as absently as he could in an attempt to make it less obvious that he was just trying to distract from her question. He glanced back at her. “Maybe it wadn’t tha best place to meet up in the dead of the night, huh? Maybe we should get out of here…”His eyes trailed back to Rachel, and he glanced back at Ash. “A ride back?”
Trevor already made his way over to the vehicle with slow strides, and he opened the door for Ash.
And when he did, he suddenly realized. With a grunt, he facepalmed with his free hand – smack. “Oh shite, Ash.” He looked over at her. “I, ah…” Sheepishly smiling, he said, “I…took…your stuff…out of my vehicle…to clean Rachel, and, ah…” He gestured inside. “I…didn’t…put it back.”
• • • • •
Her heart fell a little bit, a small frown crossing her face as Trevor pulled away from her. He was lying or… at the very least not stating the whole truth, and it wasn't like she really wanted to head back yet. Like, they hadn't talked for a whole week. Was it so wrong of her to want to spend a little more time with him now?
She trailed after him, coming to a stop next to the opened door van as he mentioned her stuff. Her eyebrows drew together for a moment, a confused expression on her face.
"You took… my dress inside?" She echoed, briefly thinking about how, well, like, maybe now it'd smell less like weed than it would've stuck in his van all week long.
"That's fine, I don't really wanna go home yet, anyway," she said and leaned up, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "You can take me to get it, and maybe umm… like, if you're not busy, we could umm… we could, you know, like, hangout for a bit."
• • • • •
She kissed his cheek, and he raised a hand to feel where she’d kissed him. It felt…right, after all week of not seeing her, not touching her. “That’s fine,” she said, “I don’t really wanna go home yet, anyway. You can take me to get it, and maybe umm…like, if you’re not busy, we could umm…we could, you know, like, hangout for a bit.”
“Hang out for a bit?” he echoed.
His mind immediately went south.
“H-Hang out,” he repeated. Then, giving her a slightly more real smile, he answered: “Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I’d like that.”
He stared at her for another moment, then he walked to the driver’s side, throwing himself in. Turning on Rachel and looking over at Ash, he said, “You can choose the station,” and they were off for the apartment.
• • • • •
As they pulled out of the parking lot, Ash flipped through the different stations until she finally settled on… classical. Yep, easily the worst genre of music, but she knew that tended to be what Trevor chose.
She settled back into the seat, turning her attention outside as they drove along. It was kind of odd. Driving this same path, from the same place, to the same destination as they had just a couple of months earlier.
"Hey," she said, smiling as she looked over at him. "Do you know what tomorrow is? Like, other than umm… the Ball, you know." She held up her hand, holding up two fingers without waiting for an answer from Trevor. "Two months. Like, we'll be together for like… for two months."
• • • • •
“Two…months?” Trevor repeated. It sent a small shock through him. His mind was too tired and too wired to think, but if he could, he would probably be thinking something along the lines of, Just two feckin’ months?
Two months. That was all.
But also…hell, he hadn’t thought that they would last that long.
It was some miracle that they had. Even with the fights, even with the roughness…
“Well,” he said, “happy…anniversary?” He clicked on his turn signal. “We should do something to celebrate,” he said idly, “before the Ball…or something.”
• • • • •
Her eyes lit up, and she shifted in her seat so that she was facing Trevor fully. For Ash, the fight and like… everything that had happened beforehand had more or less like… it was forgotten -- for her, at least. She didn’t really dwell on things like that too much.
Plus like… when people were mad, they said things they didn’t really mean, right? So like whatever he’d said, and what she’d said, it was all just--
There was no point in letting it bring down her mood, or in letting it have an effect on their relationship.
“Maybe we could, like, umm…” she chewed at her bottom lip in thought, glancing out the windshield for a moment, “like maybe after the Ball or whatever? We could like do something then, you know? Like, if you don’t like… have any plans with Josie afterwards. I don’t think I have anything with, like, Newt, so…”
Ash wasn’t really sure how to even start bringing the subject back up -- after all, like, their last discussion about Ball had obviously ended with them, well… you know. Not talking for a whole week.
• • • • •
Trevor drew in a deep breath. He shouldn’t’ve brought the ball up. It was a point of contention or whatever, and now there was this awkward tension.
He couldn’t even fecking hold a conversation right. Pathetic.
Still, he glossed past it. “A…yeah,” he said. “After the ball.” He gave a small smile. “Sounds…good to me.”
• • • • •
Holding his girlfriend’s hand as he tugged her up the stairs to the apartment, Trevor, for once, found his loud head almost disturbingly quiet. There was a warm fuzz in his chest, a rightness that had somehow settled in from point A to point B, so that now, as he was opening the door and leading her inside the living room, it just felt…nice.
He didn’t deserve this – he deserved nothing like this. After a fight like that, after doing what he’d done and saying what he’d said, the last thing that he deserved was to enjoy a moment with Ash in his empty apartment.
But hell. The apartment was empty, and so was Trevor’s brain.
He laughed about something – a joke or something, he didn’t know, he’d just thought it was funny – as he shut the door, turned to Ash, smiled at her.
A moment passed, and he hadn’t realized he’d been standing there.
All he realized was that his head was saying, Damn.
Because…because damn.
He paused, turning away from her as his face reddened, and he reached up to rub his neck. “Ah, right, the stuff,” he said, diving right into the task at hand. He started toward his room. “My room’s a bit, ah…messy and shite,” he warned –
And then he realized that he still had his poems splayed out.
His eyes widened into a panic and his pace quickened into a run. He reached the room quickly, and he frantically ran for the desk.
WHADDOIDOWHADDOIDO –
Flinging his hands all across the papers to mix them up, Trevor glanced around for anything to do – and then he realized, with a gasp, that there were drawers in his desk. He whipped one open, gripped all of the papers in his hand, and SLAMmed the drawer shut.
He cringed, though, when he opened his eyes from the shock of the shutting drawer, and he almost felt physically nauseated by the sight after a second more. Slowly, he opened the drawer, and he carefully tucked the corners of the papers into the desk.
Having the ears of paper peeking out physically pained him.
He turned toward the door, only to see Ash already standing there. He chuckled nervously, casually leaning back against the desk with his palm as he reached up with his other hand to run it through his hair. “Aha…,” he said, smiling at her and trying to convince her nonverbally that nothing weird was happening at all.
• • • • •
She was kind of relieved that none of Trevor’s roommates were home right now -- like, Amy and Josie apparently already knew, so it wasn’t like that would’ve been a big deal, but… she felt like if they had been, it would’ve just caused issues.
Ash was, like, actually relaxed and smiling as she followed him into the apartment, but they’d just barely stepped through the doorway while Trevor was apologizing for the messiness of his room, when suddenly, his eyes like widened and he took off for his room.
There was a curious tilt to Ash’s head as she followed more slowly after him. A bit tentatively, she poked her head through the doorway, her fingers brushing against the doorframe as she watched Trevor slamming some papers into a desk drawer. She hadn’t seen anything that was written on them, but by like his behavior… she could only guess it wasn’t too great.
She bit her tongue, hazel eyes moving from the desk drawer to look at Trevor, forcing a small smile onto her face. “Poems?” She asked, although she knew the answer -- that was like, basically all that he ever did.
Ash stepped away from the door frame and further into his room. She took a seat on the end of the bed, her gaze flickering back down to the desk, and then back up to his face. “Can I umm… like read them?”
Well, that was probably a dumb question.
Not even probably -- like, it was.
• • • • •
Ash tilted her head curiously, a small smile on her face. “Poems?”
Trevor’s obviously fake chuckles ensued: “Aha…he…ha. Poems…? Poems. Poems? “ He waved a hand dismissively. “Poems. Pshh, poems. Poeeeeems.” He chuckled again. “Ahaaa –” He ducked his head. “Yeahthey’repoems.”
She stepped further into his room, seating herself on the bed. She looked down at the desk, and then back up at Trevor. “Can I umm…like read them?”
No was his immediate first thought. His brows raised, and he blinked a few times rapidly, just smiling at her. “Sure,” he said.
WHYTHEFECKDIDYOUJUSTSAYSURE?
Chuckling nervously again as he realized what he’d just said, he slowwwwly turned back to his desk, his eyes focusing on the drawer. SHITESHITESHITE. Now he’d told her that she could read some of his poetry, but the only poems he had shoved in that drawer was the same damn one he’d been writing and rewriting all we –
Wait.
He noticed, in his periphery, something missing from his desktop. His eyes flicked to focus on the empty spot.
And for once, he applauded himself for his stupidity – because he’d shoved his journal in there, too.
So at least he had more options.
Opening his drawer, Trevor grabbed his journal. He quickly shut the drawer again so Ash couldn’t peek inside, but he was careful not to let the corners peek out of the drawer again.
Swallowing nervously, Trevor glanced at his girlfriend. He gave her a tight smile, and he looked back at his journal. He slowly opened it up, and he flipped to where the bookmark was.
He read the first few lines, and he grimaced internally.
But looking back up at Ash…there was…no way he really saw out of this.
Smiling tightly and shoving back his nervousness, he passed her the book. “It’s…ah…it’s…short…and…not that…grand, but…go…go for it,” he said.
And I've been walking down that road
And I can feel the wind between my toes
Blowing oh so soft
And I've been thinking maybe it's right
And I can finally feel the things I like
Shiver when you talk
Do your lips feel all of the things that mine do?
Do you feel that tingle inside of your shoes?
And nothing's wrong
It's just love
Do you look at our hands and see that new crease
From my trembling hand that cannot be released?
• • • • •
To be honest, she was kind of surprised that he’d actually let her read one of his poems. She watched as he went back to the desk, rummaging through the drawer for a moment before pulling out his journal. She waited while he flipped to a page, reading over it, and then passing it to her.
“It’s…ah…it’s…short…and…not that…grand, but…go…go for it,” he said.
She gave him a little smile and a nod of her head, and then she looked down at the journal placed on her lap to read over the words. Her lips moved slowly, forming the words as she read over them, one hand going up to mess with the pendant of her necklace as she did so.
She read over it once, her eyes lingering on a few of the words, before she read it over again, and again, and then finally, she tore her gaze away from the journal to look up at Trevor’s rather nervous face. Ash gave him a soft smile.
“It’s, umm… like it’s really, really good,” she said with a soft laugh as she looked back down at the words, reading over a few of them again, before she picked the journal up and held it back out to Trevor. “I wish I could write like, half that good.” Once he’d taken the notebook back, she shifted further up the bed, pulling her legs up and crossing them. “When did you umm… like, do you remember when you wrote it?”
• • • • •
Trevor hated watching people read his shite. It was always the worst feeling. It felt so fecking…exposed.
If he was going to be naked around Ash, he'd rather it be literal.
And the worst part was that it, like from a burning trainwreck, was impossible to look away.
He stared at her eyes, watching her face intensely and nervously as she read over his words.
And then, she smiled.
And he let out a deep breath that he hadn’t realized was still in him. Yes, like a Wattpad Y/N.
“It’s, umm…like it’s really, really good,” she said with a small laugh, and she held the journal back out to Trevor. He took it back and quickly moved to shove it back in the drawer before too much more could be asked about anything in regards to his poetry. “I wish I could write like, half that good.”
He chuckled at that, a genuine smile pulling at his lips as he turned back to the bed. “Oh, thanks. It’s, ah…it’s kind of my job.”
As he sat down beside her, Ash spoke again. “When did you umm…like, do you remember when you wrote it?”
Trevor blinked, a bit confused as to why she still wanted to know more about poetry. Aside from his teachers who only spoke to him in regards to assignments, no one ever wanted to know more about feckin’ poetry. It was boring, he’d been told always. Boring and stupid.
Still, if she wanted to know about something so boring, then he guessed he’d tell her. Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed. “I…ah…” His brows furrowed as he tried to remember, and then he nodded. “Oh, right. It’s the last one I wrote in there…so I guess it was after our date last Saturday.”
He smiled as he finished his sentence in his head.
I was…falling in love or something.
• • • • •
Yeah, that was the kind of answer that she’d wanted to hear, but hearing it aloud now it like… she turned her head down, a smile on her lips as she tried to control the reddening of her cheeks. It was like, it was weird, because like, he’d said that stuff or whatever back at the date at the aquarium -- about how he like, he wanted to try for love or whatever, but reading that and hearing him say that he’d written it after their date, like…
It made it feel more real.
It kind of made her feel sick to her stomach, kind of made her feel dizzy.
She’d been like… she’d felt that before, and it had never worked out super well for her.
“Hey,” she said, her voice quiet and breathless. Ash waited for him to turn towards her, and then she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.
Her heart felt like it might just, like, burst out of her chest or something.
She broke away, her gaze studying his. “I umm… I’m like… glad, that we’re… okay,” that was a bit of a strong word, “I like really missed you and I like… I just… really care about you, and I dunno, I thought I fucked everything up.”
• • • • •
There was something about thinking it, about almost saying it, about being tempted to say it, that made Trevor’s heart give a squeeze.
He didn’t have a good heart, either, so he thought that he could be having a little heart attack for a second before he realized…
No. No.
It was just his body telling him, again, that this felt…right.
And for once, his head was fuzzy enough without any drugs to agree – or, at least, to not disagree.
“Hey,” Ash said after a moment, and Trevor turned to her just to have her lips pressed against his.
His heart jerked into his throat, and he felt his face begin to burn as the pleasant surprise set in.
She broke away, and their eyes locked on each other’s. “I umm…I’m like…glad, that we’re…okay.”
“Me too,” Trevor said. His fucked up voice was soft. Still fucked up, but soft.
“I like really missed you and I like…I just…really care about you,” Ash said, “and I dunno, I thought I fucked everything up.”
“You…” Trevor started to repeat her, but then he just laughed softly. “You thought that? I thought that,” he said, and he chuckled again.
Something about its memory pinched in his head, but the throbbing in his heart was too much for him to even acknowledge that blip.
Leaning in again, he said, with a small smile, “But that’s all in the past, darlin’. An’...” He breathed in deeply. The hand he brought to her chin was shaking like a leaf. “An’ us? We’re in the now. That’s all we need, right?”
Now. The now.
Coming from an obsessively organized pedant like Trevor, those words meant something.
With that, he closed the small gap between their lips, kissing her again.
• • • • •
At some point, she’d fallen asleep. And at some point, the sun had come through the stupid windows, and Ash had pulled an unfamiliar pillow over her head so that she could, like, stay asleep because Ash? Yeah, she didn’t wake up before the sun, and she didn’t even wake up when the sun was like all the way up. She slept in as late as she could, often pushing it towards noon on the weekends.
And hey, tonight was going to be a busy, probably late night. The Winter Ball and all. So obviously, she needed to get all the sleep that she could. Duh.
Except, that was kind of ruined by someone grabbing her shoulder and shaking her, and all she heard through the pillow was her name followed by ”wake up.”
The aggressive wakening caused her to push the pillow away from her face, wincing as she rolled over onto her back and the sunlight burned against her eyes. “What’s wrong?” She groaned as she pushed herself up so that she was propped up on one elbow, her other hand coming up to wipe at her eyes.
She didn’t know what time it was, just that it was too freaking early.
• • • • •
As Trevor drifted back into consciousness after the first full night’s sleep in...what, a week? Feck...well, anyway. As he drifted back into consciousness bright and early, Trevor slowly realized that there was a warmth beside him. He didn’t think anything of it for a solid bit. He just kind of cracked open his eyes and stared at the barely-lit ceiling.
And then, with a jerk, he realized for a second time: there was a warmth beside him.
SHITESHITESHITE.
All at once, it came back to him — last night. The makeup, the drive back, the poem, the —
He looked to his right, and sure enough, there she was.
Staying overnight.
In the apartment.
With one of his roommates who he was still hiding her from.
“Oh fuck,” he muttered, and he reached over and grabbed Ash’s shoulder. Giving her a single shake, he whispered, “Wake up.” But she didn’t wake up, and he drew in a panicked breath, beginning to frantically shake her. “Wakeupwakeupwakeup,” he begged.
Ash rolled over slowly and winced. “What’s wrong?” she groaned, pushing up onto an elbow. One of her hands wiped her eyes.
“Ash, it’s morning,” he whispered frantically, his eyes panicked. “Morning.” He paused a second, but it didn’t seem to be settling in with Ash. “You know what that means?” he asked. “It means that the apartment’s full.” He swallowed fearfully, finally saying, “Charlie’s here.”
• • • • •
Ash was still trying to wake up as Trevor basically panicked beside her. She looked at him through groggy eyes, and all she really wanted to do was lay back down and go back to sleep -- because like, Amy and Josie already knew, so who cared if Charlie found out? Right?
But like, he obviously didn’t want her to know or whatever, so Ash groaned and threw the blankets off before climbing out of bed. She picked her phone up from the night stand beside the bed, checking the time to see that it really was way too goddamn early.
“Okay, okay, just like… look, it’s fine,” Ash said as she turned back towards Trevor. “She’s probably still just, like, sleeping in her room. I’ll just like… walk right out, but umm… like where’s my stuff? Like I need my dress.” You know, the whole reason she’d even come over.
• • • • •
“You’re –” And then he remembered. “Oh. Right. Your dress.”
Sitting up, Trevor rubbed his eyes and grunted. He stood, walking to the end of his bed, and he held out Ash’s bags.
Seeing her again, in the morning, was…nice. He kind of realized it abruptly, and he found himself smiling and just…standing. Probably looking really awkward. Probably looking mildly creepy.
When he realized he was standing, he cleared his throat, looking away and blushing. As she took the bags, though, he peeked back at her, and he found himself smiling once more.
“You’re really pretty,” he said abruptly, and then he cleared his throat, shyly muttering, “Uh…ya know,” to try and make the whole thing less awkward.
He cleared his throat, looking at her again and smiling. Puffing out air, he nodded. “Yeah, so, ah…”
But he trailed off.
She needed to leave.
He just didn’t know how to tell her.
• • • • •
Ash had pulled on her shoes and, before she bothered to take her belongings from Trevor, she paused in front of the mirror on the back of his door. Her fingers pulled through the tangled blonde mess, trying to make her hair look a little less walk of shame-y before she bothered to head out and get a ride home.
Once she was decently enough fixed up, Ash turned back towards Trevor. There was a warm smile on her face as she reached out to take her stuff from him, letting out a small "thanks" as she did so.
"You're really pretty," he said, which earned a surprised blink from her.
"Thanks," she said with a soft laugh. "Wait until later -- like, at the Ball. My dress is really hot and I'm going to look, like… like amazing."
It was the first time she'd actually had any confidence in the dress that Mikaela had picked out for her, but hey, better late than never.
For a moment, there was just some awkward standing, and then Ash stepped forward, giving Trevor a quick kiss.
"I'll see you later," she said as she backed towards the door, her hand closing on the door handle. "Umm… yeah, okay? Have fun with Josie." She said, offering one last smile before she turned the door handle and stepped out into the hallway.
Ash quietly made her way down the hallway, or like as quietly as she could. But as she stepped into the living room, she came to an abrupt halt when she noticed the tiny blonde that was passed out on the couch.
Sucking in a breath, as if that would make her quieter, Ash made her way to the front door. She'd made it, and she was in the middle of unlocking the door to head out when the groggy voice of Charlie beside her spoke.
"Don't forget to lock the door," Charlie said, and then she was fumbling around on the table before she held some keys out to Ash.
Fuck.
Ash reached out, taking the keys from Charlie.
"Damn, Trevor, your hands are soft," the blonde continued to mumble. "Good job on the moisturizer, dude."
In her best, deep man voice (but also not too deep because it was Trevor), Ash said; "Thanks," before she tossed the keys onto the other couch, and then opened the door and stepped out, pulling it shut behind her.
She exhaled a deep breath, and then pulled her phone out to start finding an Uber as she headed down the stairs of the apartment building.
playing...
Passing Through
Passing Through
by Nat & Alex Wolff
this post was made in collaboration with
Ditwin bitches
Ditwin bitches
mentions
Lucky, Eli, Cap, Charlie
Lucky, Eli, Cap, Charlie
geminiy
v tired
Ezra Gray
@EZGoing has set their status to:
oh hey there
@EZGoing has set their outfit to:
them clothes
@EZGoing has set their location to:
the mall
@EZGoing has mentioned:
dalton, landon, auggie, jace
@EZGoing has interacted with:
mikaela
@EZGoing has tagged:
Xed
oh hey there
@EZGoing has set their outfit to:
them clothes
@EZGoing has set their location to:
the mall
@EZGoing has mentioned:
dalton, landon, auggie, jace
@EZGoing has interacted with:
mikaela
@EZGoing has tagged:
Xed
Surfing had been a success. Ezra had caught the waves he had been wanting, Dalton and Landon managed to keep up with him, Jace and Auguste managed not to drown. Overall, one very successful day.
After making a comment about ‘doing it again someday’, Ezra packed up his kit in his truck and hit the road to drive Auguste home. Things seemed better between the two, far less tense. Maybe it was the fear of imminent death via salty water or shark attack that seemed to cool the air between them. Ezra didn’t really care about the reason as long as Auguste was cool. Feelings were too complicated, too difficult beyond friendship.
Los Angeles being Los Angeles, as Ezra was beginning to learn, meant that the highway he had to take to get back home was packed bumper-to-bumper with the early afternoon traffic jam from hell. There were only so many songs on the radio that played before they began to loop, melting in with the honking of horns and the occasional squeak of tires. A road sign indicated that the mall was off of the next exit and immediately, Ezra decided that grabbing dinner at the mall was a much more favourable option over sitting in traffic for the next twelve hours.
The mall was barely better, hallways and stores packed shoulder to shoulder, the music usually playing over the speakers drowned out by the chorus of voices fighting to speak over one another. It was all a bit overwhelming, trying to find his way around a familiar mall full of people and-
SMACK!
Ezra’s arms flew out from his sides, hands securely grasping whatever the hell had just fallen directly into his chest.
“Oh thank goodness. That was a close call, having a date with the floor was not in my plans today.”
Not whatever. Whoever.
An incredibly hot whoever was staring at his chest like he was some sort of art piece on display. This would be a great place to make some sort of joke about being eaten alive but honestly, Ezra was too busy staring right back to think of some quippy remark. Instead, a smirk pulled the corner of his lips up and the dimples began to form on his cheeks.
“I’d rather you have a date with me instead.” Ezra threw in calmly, lowering his hands once the girl in front of him was stable on her feet.
“How can I thank you for helping keep me afloat?” She asked as she finally looked up at him. Ezra’s smirk became a full grin as he made eye contact with her, recognizing her face from the Hollywood Arts group feeds.
“I can think of a few ways you could kiss it better.” Ezra laughed warmly, extending a hand in greeting. “Mikaela, yeah? I’m Ezra, we haven’t met in person before. It’s a travesty, really, we could have been having so much fun this whole time. You didn’t have to fall for me though, all it would have taken was a simple hello.”
Shifting his weight on his feet, Ezra trailed his gaze up and down Mikaela before the idea came to his mind.
“I’ve got enough food for two. Why don’t you come over to my place and we can split it.” Ezra’s smirk returned as he laced his thumbs through his belt loops. “Maybe you can find a way to thank me too.”
Xed
Running Wild
Mikaela Ainsley
Damn that was one sexy smile. That smirk and those dimples. Hot guy’s face somehow got even hotter. And his voice, his voice had screamed sexy even before she had gotten a good look at him. If the way he was looking back at her wasn’t enough indication, then his words made it clear that he was as physically attracted to her as she was to him.
Now this wasn’t a birds singing in the background, all else fading into nothing except for him, halo over his head, love at first sight kinda moment like you might see in the movies.
First of all, that really only happened in movies not real life, second of all, she wasn’t the type of girl to get lovestruck or fall for any hot handsome guy that showed her interest. That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to entertain the attention or say no to a little commitment free fun of course, the kind that Chanel would definitely frown upon but well, Mikaela couldn’t care less at the moment and given her recent discovery that Chanel had, had some fun herself on set with her older brother Kiran, she was even less inclined to consider the words of her friend who often served as the voice of reason.
“I can think of a few ways you could kiss it better.” This would probably be where Tori or Nellie would interject and say hold up, red flag, total player alert, don’t get involved with this stranger and don’t shake his hand less he give you STDs or worse, and the fact that this was the thought, the little voice that piped up in the back of her mind at this moment, told Mikaela that she really needed to find herself new friends. You know the kind who would be supportive like she was and basically say yes to everything she did instead of no.
She returned the handshake and the smile as the handsome, as yet unnamed stranger continued to speak. “Mikaela, yeah?” he recognised her? From where? The papers? Tabloids? A concert? “I’m Ezra, we haven’t met in person before. It’s a travesty, really, we could have been having so much fun this whole time.” Oooh, she liked what he was saying. A lot. He was definitely speaking her language, even if she couldn’t quite put a finger on where she ought to know him from. “You didn’t have to fall for me though, all it would have taken was a simple hello.”
Her words had her laughing in reply. “I thought I’d take a page from the movies,” she joked, “falling for the hot guy with the cute smile always seems to work without fail so I figured why not.” Now where was she supposed to know said hot guy from? Ezra, Ezra, Ezra, where oh where would she – Oh! Car guy! (By which she meant, hot New Zealand transfer student who spent several hours in a car with Tori doing, well she had no idea because Tori had remained tight lipped about it but not important). He was also the hot guy she had chatted with briefly on twitter before Chanel came stomping in to shut it down. Well there was no Chanel here to interrupt this time and he was even hotter in person so…
“It really is a travesty that it took this long for us to meet but it’s never too late to start making up for all the missed fun thus far.”
She could practically hear Nellie and Tori’s voices in her head shouting/calling her name in the way they did when they were not happy with her and whatever mischief she had gotten up to, but those little voices were about to get bottled up and tossed to the side the way she wished she could actually do to them sometimes but they didn’t need to know any of that of course.
The perfect distraction had basically fallen into her lap or well, she into his and she never said no to a distraction, much less a perfect one, especially after the little mistake she had made earlier which was not going to even think about.
“I’ve got enough food for two. Why don’t you come over to my place and we can split it. Maybe you can find a way to thank me too.”
Sorry Tori but if Ezra was going to make moves on her looking like that, well she wasn’t going to turn him down. Company always made for a better distraction than solitude and it wasn’t like Tori had actually claimed him or anything. Besides, he’d asked and well, who was she to refuse the offer of such a handsome gentleman?
“So, you want me to kiss it better and thank you at your place?” Mikaela asked teasingly, as she held his gaze, staring at him for a few seconds more before she started to slowly walk past him.
“Dinner sounds lovely.” She said over her shoulder, throwing him a coy smile, as she waited for him to show her the way. “Is that the only thing we’ll be splitting tonight, or do you have more in mind Mr Gray?”
mood
HOT
location
shopping mall
outfit
outfit
HOT
location
shopping mall
outfit
outfit
playing...
song title here
song title here
by artist here
mentions
Chanel, Tori
interactions
Ezra
tags
Winona
Chanel, Tori
interactions
Ezra
tags
Winona
Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Jace West
The ticking of his clock didn't usually really bother Jace -- it was kind of just a background noise that he didn't pay too much attention to while he worked, but on a day like today, well... it was really getting to him. Every tick of the clock gave him a little jolt, and he found his foot tapping against the ground harder and faster as the tick, tick, ticking kept on going along. His hand, gripping a pen, was growing shakier by the minute.
His words were getting kind of messy to the point that he could barely read them.
He leaned in closer to the page, his eyebrows drawing together down over his eyes as he scribbled out the last word on the page and attempted to write way so that he could actually understand what it said later.
Jace leaned away from the page, and he quietly sung the words to himself under his breath.
I kinda wanna stay here all alone
Keep to myself and just stay home
Having to correct every thought I have
Might be part of the reason I feel sad
But life supposedly gets easier this way
He blinked for a moment, and then he sung it again. And again. His tapping foot slowed down a little bit and he dropped the pen to the desk beside his writing.
Tick, tick, tick.
Jace turned around in his chair to look up at the clock, and his heart sank into the pit of his stomach. It was time. Time for him to drop the pen and give up working on new music (which he'd only gotten one verse done) and actually get ready for the Winter Ball. You know, the dumb thing where everyone dressed up in uncomfortable suits and dresses and went to dance around like losers and if you didn't have a date, you were a loser, and you'd end the night with sore feet and blisters because dress shoes absolutely sucked and-- and-- and--
He didn't want to go.
He turned back around, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep exhale.
The only reason he was really going was for Stassi, which yeah, speaking about it like that sounded so odd. Just "oh yeah, I'm going to the Winter Ball for my ex-girlfriend that I broke up with because I'm gay." Who did that? Well who did that other than Jace himself? It was odd.
He understood that.
But he did feel like he owed her something -- and his feelings for Stassi, they were... like well they had been... they still were... confusing. He'd cared about her -- a lot -- and breaking up with her had been the hardest thing he'd had to do. So hard, in fact, that he wasn't able to face the pain of admitting it aloud to his parents yet. He'd said that he'd kept it from his parents because they would've been mad, they would've started pushing him to get a new girlfriend, they would've asked him why, why, why... and he'd said he wasn't ready for that and yeah, that was true.
But maybe there was also a little part of him that knew that admitting it to them would be finally admitting it to himself. Finally closing that chapter on his life and trying to move forward.
Sometimes, Jace thought he knew who he was -- but then there were things like this, situations like this, where his thoughts got all fogged up and confused that made him realize he was as much a stranger to himself as everyone else was.
Obviously he'd cared about her somewhat. He'd written a whole song about her -- kind of at the pushing of his manager to release a love song, but he never would've had the muse for it without her.
Tick, tick, tick.
Jace pushed himself up from the desk. He walked towards his closet, pulling the door open, and he stared at the suit that was hanging limply from its hanger.
He'd gotten dressed in the suit that didn't quite feel like it fit quite right, and then he'd gone to pick up Stassi -- and Jace had even done the good date thing of getting out of his car, hurrying around, and pulling the door open for her. Yeah that's right, he could be kind of gentlemanly when he wanted.
And hey, Jace was set on trying to make this go as well as he could. So he'd taken her to a really upscale restaurant for food beforehand (that's what dates did, yeah?), and then he'd even bought her one of those little corsages, you know? The little thing of flowers that went on your wrist, although he'd been super nervous about putting it on her, so his shaky hands had kind of had some trouble getting it over her hand.
And now, they'd actually arrived at the Ball location, and Jace had parked the car, and he'd done the good thing of running around to her side again and holding the door open. He awkwardly held a hand out to help her out of the car, a little uncomfortable chuckle bubbling up in the back of his throat.
This was kind of awkward.
"Did I uhh... ahh... did I mention that you, ahh... you look really good -- like really pretty, really nice dress," Jace said and yeah, that was his rough attempt at a compliment. But hey, he wasn't stuttering, so that was some kind of upside.
After she was out of the car, he slammed the door shut and locked it before dropping his keys into his pocket, and then starting towards the Ball with Stassi. He wasn't really sure what was and wasn't allowed, or what the protocol was for dates but not dating, so he didn't reach out to take her hand or her arm or anything.
He didn't wanna piss her off.
Conversation, conversation, conversation...
"Wonder... wonderful... w-weather we're ahh... we're having," he said with a chuckle.
Nailed it.
His words were getting kind of messy to the point that he could barely read them.
He leaned in closer to the page, his eyebrows drawing together down over his eyes as he scribbled out the last word on the page and attempted to write way so that he could actually understand what it said later.
Jace leaned away from the page, and he quietly sung the words to himself under his breath.
I kinda wanna stay here all alone
Keep to myself and just stay home
Having to correct every thought I have
Might be part of the reason I feel sad
But life supposedly gets easier this way
He blinked for a moment, and then he sung it again. And again. His tapping foot slowed down a little bit and he dropped the pen to the desk beside his writing.
Tick, tick, tick.
Jace turned around in his chair to look up at the clock, and his heart sank into the pit of his stomach. It was time. Time for him to drop the pen and give up working on new music (which he'd only gotten one verse done) and actually get ready for the Winter Ball. You know, the dumb thing where everyone dressed up in uncomfortable suits and dresses and went to dance around like losers and if you didn't have a date, you were a loser, and you'd end the night with sore feet and blisters because dress shoes absolutely sucked and-- and-- and--
He didn't want to go.
He turned back around, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep exhale.
The only reason he was really going was for Stassi, which yeah, speaking about it like that sounded so odd. Just "oh yeah, I'm going to the Winter Ball for my ex-girlfriend that I broke up with because I'm gay." Who did that? Well who did that other than Jace himself? It was odd.
He understood that.
But he did feel like he owed her something -- and his feelings for Stassi, they were... like well they had been... they still were... confusing. He'd cared about her -- a lot -- and breaking up with her had been the hardest thing he'd had to do. So hard, in fact, that he wasn't able to face the pain of admitting it aloud to his parents yet. He'd said that he'd kept it from his parents because they would've been mad, they would've started pushing him to get a new girlfriend, they would've asked him why, why, why... and he'd said he wasn't ready for that and yeah, that was true.
But maybe there was also a little part of him that knew that admitting it to them would be finally admitting it to himself. Finally closing that chapter on his life and trying to move forward.
Sometimes, Jace thought he knew who he was -- but then there were things like this, situations like this, where his thoughts got all fogged up and confused that made him realize he was as much a stranger to himself as everyone else was.
Obviously he'd cared about her somewhat. He'd written a whole song about her -- kind of at the pushing of his manager to release a love song, but he never would've had the muse for it without her.
Tick, tick, tick.
Jace pushed himself up from the desk. He walked towards his closet, pulling the door open, and he stared at the suit that was hanging limply from its hanger.
-------------------
He'd gotten dressed in the suit that didn't quite feel like it fit quite right, and then he'd gone to pick up Stassi -- and Jace had even done the good date thing of getting out of his car, hurrying around, and pulling the door open for her. Yeah that's right, he could be kind of gentlemanly when he wanted.
And hey, Jace was set on trying to make this go as well as he could. So he'd taken her to a really upscale restaurant for food beforehand (that's what dates did, yeah?), and then he'd even bought her one of those little corsages, you know? The little thing of flowers that went on your wrist, although he'd been super nervous about putting it on her, so his shaky hands had kind of had some trouble getting it over her hand.
And now, they'd actually arrived at the Ball location, and Jace had parked the car, and he'd done the good thing of running around to her side again and holding the door open. He awkwardly held a hand out to help her out of the car, a little uncomfortable chuckle bubbling up in the back of his throat.
This was kind of awkward.
"Did I uhh... ahh... did I mention that you, ahh... you look really good -- like really pretty, really nice dress," Jace said and yeah, that was his rough attempt at a compliment. But hey, he wasn't stuttering, so that was some kind of upside.
After she was out of the car, he slammed the door shut and locked it before dropping his keys into his pocket, and then starting towards the Ball with Stassi. He wasn't really sure what was and wasn't allowed, or what the protocol was for dates but not dating, so he didn't reach out to take her hand or her arm or anything.
He didn't wanna piss her off.
Conversation, conversation, conversation...
"Wonder... wonderful... w-weather we're ahh... we're having," he said with a chuckle.
Nailed it.
mood
hahaha nervous
location
the Ball
outfit
this is the best you all are getting because finding this boy in a normal suit is impossible and you all know what suits look like
hahaha nervous
location
the Ball
outfit
this is the best you all are getting because finding this boy in a normal suit is impossible and you all know what suits look like
playing...
when i'm with you
when i'm with you
by Jace West
mentions
N/A
interactions
Stassi
tags
AkuTheWolfOkami
N/A
interactions
Stassi
tags
AkuTheWolfOkami
Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Elizabeth Sterling
Everyone could say whatever they wanted about her choice in date -- they were all clearly just jealous. Especially Tori, who could barely say two words to the guy that she liked and who'd had... oh... how many people ask her to the Winter Ball? Sorry, what was that? Zero?
Wow.
Meanwhile, Beth had been asked about a super hot senior model. Like sure, he was a bit short (okay like really short), but he was hot and like, super cool. He was one of those dudes that had the total smolder and the whole bad boy-esque attitude, so like, Beth had totally hit it out of the ballpark. Everyone could joke and make fun of her for being "too young," but Beth was freaking killing it if you asked her.
Like obviously she was -- if she wasn't, then she wouldn't have been picked up by the Michael Reid at her apartment in his really shitty car (it was so gross -- like she'd thought he would've driven something way better than that, but whatever), and she wouldn't have been given a really nice (albeit really cheap) corsage by said date.
And as one would expect, as they'd arrived at the Winter Ball location and headed inside, she of course looped her arm through Mike's because like, duh, she wanted everyone to know who she'd arrived with. So yeah, she was going to tug him around kind of like a prized pet, and showing him off to anyone that bothered to listen or look in her direction. Listen -- this was a really big deal, and she just wanted to make sure it was remembered.
With one arm tugging Mike along after her, Beth used her other hand to reach up and brush back a few strands of red hair. She'd spent forever doing her hair, and even longer making sure that her makeup was perfect. Like, not only did she have to make sure that she looked super freaking hot, but Beth also had to make sure that she looked good enough that Michael Reid (and some of the other hot seniors) would be like "oh my god, she's so hot and mature," and then she'd end up going on like a million different dates -- a different guy every night of the week.
Yeah, this was really the start of her life.
And with that fantasy still fresh in her mind, Beth's gaze moved across the hordes of students, trying to figure out which one to first drag her date towards, when--
Bingo.
Spencer Gray.
Their hangout had gone amazing (hangout not date), and she was ahh...
Don't worry about it or her particular feelings towards the hotter of the Gray brothers.
"Come on," she ordered Mike and dragged him towards the tall dancer. As they drew closer, Beth did her best to like, look really hot and carefree. Like she didn't care what Spencer thought of her or how she looked one way or another, and she certainly didn't want him thinking she'd walked all the way over here just for him.
"Oh hey, Spencer," Beth said, finally letting go of Mike's arm. She tossed some red hair over her shoulder, crossing her arms over her chest before she looked out over the crowd. "I didn't know you were going to be here." She said, letting out a super carefree sigh. "Yeah, Mike and I like just got here. Oh, actually," -- Beth reached out, grabbing Mike's arm again, a smile on her face, -- "have you met my date? This is Mike. He's a model."
Wow.
Meanwhile, Beth had been asked about a super hot senior model. Like sure, he was a bit short (okay like really short), but he was hot and like, super cool. He was one of those dudes that had the total smolder and the whole bad boy-esque attitude, so like, Beth had totally hit it out of the ballpark. Everyone could joke and make fun of her for being "too young," but Beth was freaking killing it if you asked her.
Like obviously she was -- if she wasn't, then she wouldn't have been picked up by the Michael Reid at her apartment in his really shitty car (it was so gross -- like she'd thought he would've driven something way better than that, but whatever), and she wouldn't have been given a really nice (albeit really cheap) corsage by said date.
And as one would expect, as they'd arrived at the Winter Ball location and headed inside, she of course looped her arm through Mike's because like, duh, she wanted everyone to know who she'd arrived with. So yeah, she was going to tug him around kind of like a prized pet, and showing him off to anyone that bothered to listen or look in her direction. Listen -- this was a really big deal, and she just wanted to make sure it was remembered.
With one arm tugging Mike along after her, Beth used her other hand to reach up and brush back a few strands of red hair. She'd spent forever doing her hair, and even longer making sure that her makeup was perfect. Like, not only did she have to make sure that she looked super freaking hot, but Beth also had to make sure that she looked good enough that Michael Reid (and some of the other hot seniors) would be like "oh my god, she's so hot and mature," and then she'd end up going on like a million different dates -- a different guy every night of the week.
Yeah, this was really the start of her life.
And with that fantasy still fresh in her mind, Beth's gaze moved across the hordes of students, trying to figure out which one to first drag her date towards, when--
Bingo.
Spencer Gray.
Their hangout had gone amazing (hangout not date), and she was ahh...
Don't worry about it or her particular feelings towards the hotter of the Gray brothers.
"Come on," she ordered Mike and dragged him towards the tall dancer. As they drew closer, Beth did her best to like, look really hot and carefree. Like she didn't care what Spencer thought of her or how she looked one way or another, and she certainly didn't want him thinking she'd walked all the way over here just for him.
"Oh hey, Spencer," Beth said, finally letting go of Mike's arm. She tossed some red hair over her shoulder, crossing her arms over her chest before she looked out over the crowd. "I didn't know you were going to be here." She said, letting out a super carefree sigh. "Yeah, Mike and I like just got here. Oh, actually," -- Beth reached out, grabbing Mike's arm again, a smile on her face, -- "have you met my date? This is Mike. He's a model."
mood
yeah, I got a hot senior date. suck it.
location
Winter Ball -- duh, where else?
outfit
red is, like, so her color
yeah, I got a hot senior date. suck it.
location
Winter Ball -- duh, where else?
outfit
red is, like, so her color
playing...
Heat Waves
Heat Waves
by Glass Animals
Winona
No, I don't have too many characters.
Zeph Evermore
The guilt of well... breaking his arm had really set in badly when Stella had shown up. She'd been really upset, and Zeph knew that she was supposed to be doing a shoot or something with Landon and instead, she'd showed up to be in the hospital room with him and help him go home after everything was said and done.
As luck would have it, after Zeph apologized immensely, the neighbors had decided not to press charges -- probably because with the way that a lot of American law worked, Zeph was pretty sure that he could've sued them for getting hurt on their property. Trespassing or not.
However, even with that, the school and his father were less than pleased. Thankfully, it hadn't been leaked to any media, so Zeph's reputation? Still intact. But his dad's disappointment and reprimanding over the phone had been more than enough to make Zeph feel sick to his stomach with guilt and his heart heavy or what he'd done -- especially when his dad had really hit home with the whole "what would your mother have thought?"
She'd have been immensely disappointed, and that had been enough to knock Zeph out of whatever spell he'd been in under.
No more following Lin just because he was cooler and older. Nope. Zeph was going to go back to being his smart, boring self and, well... Zeph would just have to deal with it.
So with that huge mistake and regret under his belt, Zeph had set about making sure that the last week? He'd done everything that he could to make it up to Stella. He hadn't even hung out with Lin, instead turning all his attention onto his girlfriend when he wasn't attempting to practice dance -- which was a lot harder with a broken arm, and he intended to make tonight? You know, the Winter Ball? Yeah, he intended to make that special as all get out.
He'd been struggling to get his tie on his neck with one hand and, finally, Zeph just fully gave up. No tie. He ripped it from his neck, tossing it onto his bed, and then he faced his reflection once more in the mirror. His lips quirked up into an awkward smile and he straightened up, eyeing his whole body as he did so. Looking good, he finally decided as he smoothed down the gray jacket and sucked in a deep, nervous breath.
Well, looking good except for the cast.
Alright, so, all he had to do was go get Stella. No biggie really, because it was just Stella. Yeah sure, she was his super hot, super cool girlfriend, but she was still his best friend at the end of the day. Like he knew who she was super well, so he really shouldn't feel any kind of nerves.
With himself now ready enough, he headed out of the dorm room, sucking in a deep, nervous breath as he did so.
He was trying not to be so nervous as he made his way through his dorm and towards Stella's, but with every step, he felt himself kind of losing his will. Like his legs were growing weaker with every step, as if they were turning more and more into jelly and oh heck, he was gonna lose it.
Before he fully lost his nerve, though, he'd made it to her dorm room.
Deep breath.
And then he knocked against the door a couple times before taking a step back to wait.
As luck would have it, after Zeph apologized immensely, the neighbors had decided not to press charges -- probably because with the way that a lot of American law worked, Zeph was pretty sure that he could've sued them for getting hurt on their property. Trespassing or not.
However, even with that, the school and his father were less than pleased. Thankfully, it hadn't been leaked to any media, so Zeph's reputation? Still intact. But his dad's disappointment and reprimanding over the phone had been more than enough to make Zeph feel sick to his stomach with guilt and his heart heavy or what he'd done -- especially when his dad had really hit home with the whole "what would your mother have thought?"
She'd have been immensely disappointed, and that had been enough to knock Zeph out of whatever spell he'd been in under.
No more following Lin just because he was cooler and older. Nope. Zeph was going to go back to being his smart, boring self and, well... Zeph would just have to deal with it.
So with that huge mistake and regret under his belt, Zeph had set about making sure that the last week? He'd done everything that he could to make it up to Stella. He hadn't even hung out with Lin, instead turning all his attention onto his girlfriend when he wasn't attempting to practice dance -- which was a lot harder with a broken arm, and he intended to make tonight? You know, the Winter Ball? Yeah, he intended to make that special as all get out.
He'd been struggling to get his tie on his neck with one hand and, finally, Zeph just fully gave up. No tie. He ripped it from his neck, tossing it onto his bed, and then he faced his reflection once more in the mirror. His lips quirked up into an awkward smile and he straightened up, eyeing his whole body as he did so. Looking good, he finally decided as he smoothed down the gray jacket and sucked in a deep, nervous breath.
Well, looking good except for the cast.
Alright, so, all he had to do was go get Stella. No biggie really, because it was just Stella. Yeah sure, she was his super hot, super cool girlfriend, but she was still his best friend at the end of the day. Like he knew who she was super well, so he really shouldn't feel any kind of nerves.
With himself now ready enough, he headed out of the dorm room, sucking in a deep, nervous breath as he did so.
He was trying not to be so nervous as he made his way through his dorm and towards Stella's, but with every step, he felt himself kind of losing his will. Like his legs were growing weaker with every step, as if they were turning more and more into jelly and oh heck, he was gonna lose it.
Before he fully lost his nerve, though, he'd made it to her dorm room.
Deep breath.
And then he knocked against the door a couple times before taking a step back to wait.
mood
nervous
location
dorms
outfit
snazzy. classy. very handsome.
nervous
location
dorms
outfit
snazzy. classy. very handsome.
playing...
Uh Oh
Uh Oh
by Junior Doctor
mentions
Lin
interactions
Stella
tags
Kitsune2202
Lin
interactions
Stella
tags
Kitsune2202
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
trevor callaghan
His chest felt heavy. He hadn’t been able to move from this one spot for the past five minutes. His hands gripped the sink, and his wrists and fingers ached. He stared into his wide, dark eyes in the mirror, the rest of his vision so unfocused and black-rimmed that his face looked like a monstrous mound of nothing but featureless flesh. He tried to breathe, but the breaths he took were shallow and unrhythmic. His heart thudded in his chest, each pulse a slam against his ribs. He was pale, and he felt like he was going to vomit.
There was a panic in his eyes that had been there for the past five minutes, too:
I’mgoingtodieI’mgoingtodieI’mgoingtodie.
Not in a hot way, either. Not taking a bullet for his hot girlfriend or, ah…romantically…jumping in front of a train like that one song by that one guy said.
Trevor Callaghan was going to die…from a feckin’ heart attack. From the least sexy thing on planet earth. Now, the last thing that would be remembered about him was that 1) he went out before a dance and 2) he went out from a feckin’ heart attack at age seventeen.
Oh, and 3) he went out wearing a goddamn feckin’ piss yellow feckin' tie.
Why was it a goddamn piss yellow feckin' tie? His grandmother insisted, Wear the piss yellow feckin' tie, Sean, or I’ll — and so here he was, feckin’ looking like a complete idiot — or more of a complete idiot than usual, which wasn’t part of the amazing wonderful plan that he had with…with…
With Ash. With fecking Ash. With his fecking girlfriend.
The plan. You wanted to know the plan? He didn’t want to tell the plan. The plan was what was feckin’ flipping his out right now, he didn’t want to think of the plan the plan theplantheplantheplan — the plan he’d been obsessing over all day, since the second that Ash had left this morning, the plan that he’d worked himself into a tizzy over, the plan that now was growing so close to being enacted that he felt as though he was going to have a goddamn heart attack.
The plan to…to finally go public with Ash.
The night had to be perfect. Everything had to go according to plan.
That was the thing about Trevor. Perhaps it was actually neurosis — people called him neurotic all the time — but routine and thorough planning were the only ways that he was ever happy. When he was following a plan, he felt fulfilled.
And when one thing went awry, everything went to hell.
His head throbbed.
This isn’t part of the plan.
Rattle.
At the very small rattle of the door, Trevor jerked violently. A panic shot through his body. “Sssshhh…” His body trembling, he turned his head to see —
“…iiiiiite, Jo!” he said, reaching up to touch his throbbing head with a shaking hand. “You almost feckin’ killed me!”
He looked down at the sink, only to realize that he’d failed to do the one thing that he’d told Jo he had to do before he’d be ready to leave. The one thing that she’d been waiting for him to do.
He swallowed hard.
Put on the feckin’ tie.
The thing…God, feck, he’d never seen anything uglier. It was a bold, bright, eye-burning yellow color, with green pinstripes on it, and in the yellow stripes, there were little cursive words: Sean Sean Sean Sean....
(She said it was custom.)
He looked over at Jo, a look of terror on his face, and he looked back at the atrocious tie. Carefully, he picked up the tie between two fingers, as if it were something toxic, then slowly lifted it to his neck.
Swallowing hard again and squeezing his eyes shut, he began to tie the vomit-inducing tie around his neck. When he opened his eyes again, he turned to Jo.
“Charming, right?” he drawled sarcastically, and then he groaned loudly, holding his head with both hands as his head pounded.
No dying, arsehole. She's ready. We've got to get going.
Kicking himself internally, Trevor lowered his hands again, sighing and giving his reflection his best smile. It was tight and showed too many teeth to be convincing, but there was an effort there. "There. All ready." Turning to his roommate, he asked, "Aaaaare you all ready?" He held up two thumbs up and raised his eyebrows.
(He definitely looked like a complete feckin' idiot. He knew it.)
There was a panic in his eyes that had been there for the past five minutes, too:
I’mgoingtodieI’mgoingtodieI’mgoingtodie.
Not in a hot way, either. Not taking a bullet for his hot girlfriend or, ah…romantically…jumping in front of a train like that one song by that one guy said.
Trevor Callaghan was going to die…from a feckin’ heart attack. From the least sexy thing on planet earth. Now, the last thing that would be remembered about him was that 1) he went out before a dance and 2) he went out from a feckin’ heart attack at age seventeen.
Oh, and 3) he went out wearing a goddamn feckin’ piss yellow feckin' tie.
Why was it a goddamn piss yellow feckin' tie? His grandmother insisted, Wear the piss yellow feckin' tie, Sean, or I’ll — and so here he was, feckin’ looking like a complete idiot — or more of a complete idiot than usual, which wasn’t part of the amazing wonderful plan that he had with…with…
With Ash. With fecking Ash. With his fecking girlfriend.
The plan. You wanted to know the plan? He didn’t want to tell the plan. The plan was what was feckin’ flipping his out right now, he didn’t want to think of the plan the plan theplantheplantheplan — the plan he’d been obsessing over all day, since the second that Ash had left this morning, the plan that he’d worked himself into a tizzy over, the plan that now was growing so close to being enacted that he felt as though he was going to have a goddamn heart attack.
The plan to…to finally go public with Ash.
The night had to be perfect. Everything had to go according to plan.
That was the thing about Trevor. Perhaps it was actually neurosis — people called him neurotic all the time — but routine and thorough planning were the only ways that he was ever happy. When he was following a plan, he felt fulfilled.
And when one thing went awry, everything went to hell.
His head throbbed.
This isn’t part of the plan.
Rattle.
At the very small rattle of the door, Trevor jerked violently. A panic shot through his body. “Sssshhh…” His body trembling, he turned his head to see —
“…iiiiiite, Jo!” he said, reaching up to touch his throbbing head with a shaking hand. “You almost feckin’ killed me!”
He looked down at the sink, only to realize that he’d failed to do the one thing that he’d told Jo he had to do before he’d be ready to leave. The one thing that she’d been waiting for him to do.
He swallowed hard.
Put on the feckin’ tie.
The thing…God, feck, he’d never seen anything uglier. It was a bold, bright, eye-burning yellow color, with green pinstripes on it, and in the yellow stripes, there were little cursive words: Sean Sean Sean Sean....
(She said it was custom.)
He looked over at Jo, a look of terror on his face, and he looked back at the atrocious tie. Carefully, he picked up the tie between two fingers, as if it were something toxic, then slowly lifted it to his neck.
Swallowing hard again and squeezing his eyes shut, he began to tie the vomit-inducing tie around his neck. When he opened his eyes again, he turned to Jo.
“Charming, right?” he drawled sarcastically, and then he groaned loudly, holding his head with both hands as his head pounded.
No dying, arsehole. She's ready. We've got to get going.
Kicking himself internally, Trevor lowered his hands again, sighing and giving his reflection his best smile. It was tight and showed too many teeth to be convincing, but there was an effort there. "There. All ready." Turning to his roommate, he asked, "Aaaaare you all ready?" He held up two thumbs up and raised his eyebrows.
(He definitely looked like a complete feckin' idiot. He knew it.)
mood
take me out
location
the apartment
outfit
blue suit (+ currently a yellow tie)
take me out
location
the apartment
outfit
blue suit (+ currently a yellow tie)
playing...
i wanna slam my head against the wall
i wanna slam my head against the wall
by glaive
mentions
ash
interactions
jo
tags
@jasmichelle
ash
interactions
jo
tags
@jasmichelle
Last edited:
ohdittoh
still kicking :)
saint andrew taylor
Saint Andrew Taylor was in a slump. It was common that he get in a slump near the end of the year; this year, though, it was far worse than the typical.
The slump wasn’t just creative, nor was it just physical; every cell in his body felt as though it was it was being pulled toward the floor at every waking moment. He had failed to begin any of the commissions that were requested of him, he’d neglected to do his final essay for his English class, and he was far worse off at holding conversation than he had been even previously. When he tried to move, he felt as though he was moving within a body that was ten times the size that it actually was. He felt heavy, and unsteady, and…hollow.
Dead, almost.
This was, perhaps, because he had been getting virtually sleep. He would prefer to believe that it was that. Caffeine and cannabis were getting him by.
The days somehow both trudged by and flew by. When he was in them, they felt like ages; when they were over, he couldn’t remember too much about them. They all somewhat blended together.
Bearing down on his shoulders, constantly hanging in the back of his mind, was one thing that he was trying to forget. He didn’t really want to think about it — about what he’d done, about what had happened — but for once, he couldn’t willfully ignore it. It kept imposing itself each time his high waned, reminding him of its existence.
For once, Saint realized that he had fucked up.
He had slept with Lucky. It wasn’t anything big, he didn’t think, but when he’d seen her face, he was reminded why it was.
He was the best friend of the girl he…
The girl he…
Loved.
It was what it was.
But he didn’t know how to move past that. He tried, and he would keep trying; that was all that he could do. He would carry on with life as it was, and he would pretend as though it never had happened.
Even though…it was a very unpleasant existence.
There was the ball tonight. He’d made plans with Ava. They were good friends, he supposed. As he’d said before and would say again, she was a person who he felt as though he understood; she was one of the few reasonable ones.
She did not know of what had happened with he and Jo. At least, he didn’t believe that she did. If she asked about it, he was prepared to tell her anything but the truth of the matter.
She didn’t need to know all of his personal business.
As he shook his sleeves and adjusted the cuffs of his white undershirt, Saint breathed out a sigh. He lifted a hand to his eyes and rubbed the dark circles beneath them. Eye bags were something that he was accustomed to, but they were particularly dark tonight.
He would surely not get any questions about them, though; they were a common accessory with his outfits. Sleep deprivation was his style.
Soon, he pulled up outside, found a parking spot, and made his way inside. Ava would be here shortly, he was sure.
There wasn’t too much communication in regards to how this would go.
The slump wasn’t just creative, nor was it just physical; every cell in his body felt as though it was it was being pulled toward the floor at every waking moment. He had failed to begin any of the commissions that were requested of him, he’d neglected to do his final essay for his English class, and he was far worse off at holding conversation than he had been even previously. When he tried to move, he felt as though he was moving within a body that was ten times the size that it actually was. He felt heavy, and unsteady, and…hollow.
Dead, almost.
This was, perhaps, because he had been getting virtually sleep. He would prefer to believe that it was that. Caffeine and cannabis were getting him by.
The days somehow both trudged by and flew by. When he was in them, they felt like ages; when they were over, he couldn’t remember too much about them. They all somewhat blended together.
Bearing down on his shoulders, constantly hanging in the back of his mind, was one thing that he was trying to forget. He didn’t really want to think about it — about what he’d done, about what had happened — but for once, he couldn’t willfully ignore it. It kept imposing itself each time his high waned, reminding him of its existence.
For once, Saint realized that he had fucked up.
He had slept with Lucky. It wasn’t anything big, he didn’t think, but when he’d seen her face, he was reminded why it was.
He was the best friend of the girl he…
The girl he…
Loved.
It was what it was.
But he didn’t know how to move past that. He tried, and he would keep trying; that was all that he could do. He would carry on with life as it was, and he would pretend as though it never had happened.
Even though…it was a very unpleasant existence.
There was the ball tonight. He’d made plans with Ava. They were good friends, he supposed. As he’d said before and would say again, she was a person who he felt as though he understood; she was one of the few reasonable ones.
She did not know of what had happened with he and Jo. At least, he didn’t believe that she did. If she asked about it, he was prepared to tell her anything but the truth of the matter.
She didn’t need to know all of his personal business.
As he shook his sleeves and adjusted the cuffs of his white undershirt, Saint breathed out a sigh. He lifted a hand to his eyes and rubbed the dark circles beneath them. Eye bags were something that he was accustomed to, but they were particularly dark tonight.
He would surely not get any questions about them, though; they were a common accessory with his outfits. Sleep deprivation was his style.
Soon, he pulled up outside, found a parking spot, and made his way inside. Ava would be here shortly, he was sure.
There wasn’t too much communication in regards to how this would go.
mood
dead
location
the ball
outfit
feathers
dead
location
the ball
outfit
feathers
playing...
god's plan (drake cover)
god's plan (drake cover)
by our last night
mentions
jo & lucky
interactions
ava
tags
Winona
jo & lucky
interactions
ava
tags
Winona
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