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Futuristic EDENSEED: The Genesis War
- Thread starter Sincerely Me
- Start date
Soviet Panda
Red Panda Commanda.
I say yes. The number of hangers available has been given, 10, but only eight are filled. So, I say we can accept at most two more people. That makes me think we haven't completely shit down sign ups. Besides, we only really just started.
Killorkiller
Grand Warden of the Black Lotus
ok, cool!
Soviet Panda
Red Panda Commanda.
I'm not good with that sort of thing, so I'm going to defer to the other two gms.
theunderwolf
Kangaroo Paladin of Space
Sargent works for me.
Hanzax
GG No Re
Cool, was 'bout to explain myself, but we gucci it seem.
theunderwolf
Kangaroo Paladin of Space
@Killorkiller Ok There are a bunch of problems with your cs that I see but none we cant work out.
1. Personality wise, I need more, especially in the weakness section, while you gave a good set of traits, there was no description and very few bad aspects
2. Appearance: While you explain the "Work Clothes" I do want an Actual head shot of your character, your appearance description helps clarify, but is still very general and vague
3 Bio: Couple things here, Eves didn't exist before just recently, our 9 are the first ever created, but you can change that to ATEC, second Gwen was the actual creator of the EVE program and going with your backstory, He could have worked for her and had a hand in designing and building his eve but most of EVE technology was passed directly from doctor Solstein to Gwen and she is one of the few people who actually is capable of understanding Pykaian technology as she studied directly under him, also your character is stated to have a tactitions mind but I dont see anywhere in your bio where he would have gotten it.
4. Eve looks fine to me on the conceptual level but again, extend the weaknesses more.
1. Personality wise, I need more, especially in the weakness section, while you gave a good set of traits, there was no description and very few bad aspects
2. Appearance: While you explain the "Work Clothes" I do want an Actual head shot of your character, your appearance description helps clarify, but is still very general and vague
3 Bio: Couple things here, Eves didn't exist before just recently, our 9 are the first ever created, but you can change that to ATEC, second Gwen was the actual creator of the EVE program and going with your backstory, He could have worked for her and had a hand in designing and building his eve but most of EVE technology was passed directly from doctor Solstein to Gwen and she is one of the few people who actually is capable of understanding Pykaian technology as she studied directly under him, also your character is stated to have a tactitions mind but I dont see anywhere in your bio where he would have gotten it.
4. Eve looks fine to me on the conceptual level but again, extend the weaknesses more.
Killorkiller
Grand Warden of the Black Lotus
ok, thanks for the info i will fix that asap. also, my bad
theunderwolf
Kangaroo Paladin of Space
Hey its a good start and I like your EVE just fix those things and we'll work something out.Killorkiller said:
Throne Trinity
The Color Fiend
Thank you for you're criticism. I will go ahead and get rid of the cloaking ability on the mech and if you have a problem with the Hermes Sandals I can go ahead and change it to hovering and not full on flying. The last name Dylandy is actually an Irish name of one of my ancestors. I'd much rather keep that and change the first name if that is alright with you. @BeowulfBeowulf said:
Killorkiller
Grand Warden of the Black Lotus
@theunderwolf i think i fixed all of the problems with my CS, if not pls tell so i can make adjustments.
Solid_Glass
Do the Sheev Spin
I'm not sure if you missed my post, but I asked you a question IC @theunderwolf
Hanzax
GG No Re
Never made a female OC before, should I do anything other than change He to She? I guess I can change the family dynamic a tiny bit.
@Sincerely Me
@Sincerely Me
Sincerely Me
Senior Member
Sincerely Me
Senior Member
(Reposting as I realized I posted in the wrong tab.)
WEW! You guys certainly picked the 'best' possible time to get active! It's my first day at a new job!! Hahah!
Which I think proves my hypothesis (I know, I didn't tell you guys anything about it..). Not many people actually check the interest thread, but go straight to the main thread to check for interesting RPs to join. Hence, you're quite likely to get an influx of people when your RP starts.
So thankful to the Wolves for taking over! Really helps filter things out, and makes things much easier.
First things first. @Shadow PLEASE make a girl character! THANKS.
@Throne Trinity : You first
First of all... welcome! Now straight to the point! "Dynames is equipped with two edenseed particle accelerators on its back." I hope you meant that as just Edenseed powered engines and not having two Edenseed cores itself. All EVE's have just one large core.
Your Aegis is fine, just something to note about the Edenseed armor regeneration. It cannot happen during battle, and in reality is not as fast as it might sound like. In fact, its more like a human's wound. Light scratches and punctures will see healing after an overnight rest. But blast a hole through your leg... good luck. Hence, it certainly helps with maintenance, but its not something that can happen within a couple of hours. Talaria is okay with me. It's much like my Guinevere's jumpboosters. Basically a more powerful version of a harrier's jumpjets. Hovering yes. Flying? Nope. Rest is okay I do suggest you equip Dynames with a basic weapon, like a gattling gun, pulse laser or something, since you have room for two more equipment. You may have the cloak, but it comes with the same drawbacks as the scouts, (no moving, firing, flying and only in one direction).
@Killorkiller : Welcome to you too! Gosh... your CP needs quite some adjusting. Wew! No offense, I hope you take it constructively as I do hope you can join us
Your background is a mess. You're 33, so war started when Bart was 28, or 27 minimum. His father could've been a peacekeeper (soldier) but certainly there would be no reason for him to be KIA when Bart was 9. How did he get a job working at a research facility when he was only 20? Might want to be more detailed here; was Bart a top student? What made him stand out that Professors might want him on their team? Valedictorian? Science maniac who blew up his science class?
Next. When the facility where Bart worked at came under siege, why was there an unarmed ATAC? (not ATEC, underwolf has a habit of doing away with speeling xD ). ATAC's are confederation, and NARCS are Union. We are Union. Also, he couldn't have hid in an Atlas shell. There are no EVE's around at that time. He could have hid in the sewers or something.
Scrap that whole 10 1/2 years thing. You could mention being recruited to help in the EVE project under Gwyneth Irons.
On your EVE:
Description - "Has been modified to have excellent battery power when operating on a normal basis, but special abilities put more stress on the structural integrity of the EVE but leave the battery alone." Redundant statement. All EVE's have basically the same 'battery' power and energy output. They are just used for different purposes.
Saber Canon - Similar to @Hanzax 's Thumper. If you're going to have more than two different kinds of munitions firing from the same weapon, you need an Ammo Sorter; which takes up one equipment space.
Twin Guardian - I like the floating shield idea, just one issue "it takes very little energy to keep active.". Keep active I'll let it pass, the problem is, this statement makes it sound like it can absorb a ton of punishment and still remain energy efficient. That will be a problem.Might want to rephrase that, to "it takes very little energy to keep active, unless absorbing damage."
True Sight - Generally, I dont' like Atlas' or Brawns to have significant sensory power. You're usually in the heat of battle, and the energy should be better off used elsewhere. Not to mention, sensory equipment indirectly makes your EVE more vulnerable and have to do away with less armor, as you need your sensors to be more exposed to the environment. @Redrobinwing take note I let yours pass because you stated one of his weaknesses is inaccurate sensory. As for you @Killorkiller , might want to tone down your sensory ability even more, or remove and replace entirely. Technically, it's a very unique ability for this rp. On one hand, you gain almost no combat prowess at all by having it, on the other, having it gives you a kind of overpowered imbalanced ability; speaking from a RP perspective.
Lastly, I fear to think what using sustained melee would do to your EVE, as it has a weak structural integrity. Might want to take that into account when you are using your Slicers.
WEW! You guys certainly picked the 'best' possible time to get active! It's my first day at a new job!! Hahah!
Which I think proves my hypothesis (I know, I didn't tell you guys anything about it..). Not many people actually check the interest thread, but go straight to the main thread to check for interesting RPs to join. Hence, you're quite likely to get an influx of people when your RP starts.
So thankful to the Wolves for taking over! Really helps filter things out, and makes things much easier.
First things first. @Shadow PLEASE make a girl character! THANKS.
@Throne Trinity : You first
First of all... welcome! Now straight to the point! "Dynames is equipped with two edenseed particle accelerators on its back." I hope you meant that as just Edenseed powered engines and not having two Edenseed cores itself. All EVE's have just one large core.Your Aegis is fine, just something to note about the Edenseed armor regeneration. It cannot happen during battle, and in reality is not as fast as it might sound like. In fact, its more like a human's wound. Light scratches and punctures will see healing after an overnight rest. But blast a hole through your leg... good luck. Hence, it certainly helps with maintenance, but its not something that can happen within a couple of hours. Talaria is okay with me. It's much like my Guinevere's jumpboosters. Basically a more powerful version of a harrier's jumpjets. Hovering yes. Flying? Nope. Rest is okay
I do suggest you equip Dynames with a basic weapon, like a gattling gun, pulse laser or something, since you have room for two more equipment. You may have the cloak, but it comes with the same drawbacks as the scouts, (no moving, firing, flying and only in one direction).@Killorkiller : Welcome to you too! Gosh... your CP needs quite some adjusting. Wew! No offense, I hope you take it constructively as I do hope you can join us
Your background is a mess. You're 33, so war started when Bart was 28, or 27 minimum. His father could've been a peacekeeper (soldier) but certainly there would be no reason for him to be KIA when Bart was 9. How did he get a job working at a research facility when he was only 20? Might want to be more detailed here; was Bart a top student? What made him stand out that Professors might want him on their team? Valedictorian? Science maniac who blew up his science class?
Next. When the facility where Bart worked at came under siege, why was there an unarmed ATAC? (not ATEC, underwolf has a habit of doing away with speeling xD ). ATAC's are confederation, and NARCS are Union. We are Union. Also, he couldn't have hid in an Atlas shell. There are no EVE's around at that time. He could have hid in the sewers or something.
Scrap that whole 10 1/2 years thing. You could mention being recruited to help in the EVE project under Gwyneth Irons.
On your EVE:
Description - "Has been modified to have excellent battery power when operating on a normal basis, but special abilities put more stress on the structural integrity of the EVE but leave the battery alone." Redundant statement. All EVE's have basically the same 'battery' power and energy output. They are just used for different purposes.
Saber Canon - Similar to @Hanzax 's Thumper. If you're going to have more than two different kinds of munitions firing from the same weapon, you need an Ammo Sorter; which takes up one equipment space.
Twin Guardian - I like the floating shield idea, just one issue "it takes very little energy to keep active.". Keep active I'll let it pass, the problem is, this statement makes it sound like it can absorb a ton of punishment and still remain energy efficient. That will be a problem.Might want to rephrase that, to "it takes very little energy to keep active, unless absorbing damage."
True Sight - Generally, I dont' like Atlas' or Brawns to have significant sensory power. You're usually in the heat of battle, and the energy should be better off used elsewhere. Not to mention, sensory equipment indirectly makes your EVE more vulnerable and have to do away with less armor, as you need your sensors to be more exposed to the environment. @Redrobinwing take note
I let yours pass because you stated one of his weaknesses is inaccurate sensory. As for you @Killorkiller , might want to tone down your sensory ability even more, or remove and replace entirely. Technically, it's a very unique ability for this rp. On one hand, you gain almost no combat prowess at all by having it, on the other, having it gives you a kind of overpowered imbalanced ability; speaking from a RP perspective.Lastly, I fear to think what using sustained melee would do to your EVE, as it has a weak structural integrity. Might want to take that into account when you are using your Slicers.
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Sincerely Me
Senior Member
@Shadow I'm not sure you meant to keep your muscular 'teenaged boy' figure for your new female character xD Might want to change that, unless it was intentional...
Shadow
Akin to a Fool
Thanks!
Imperator Penguin
Leader of the Penguin Legion
Is this RP still open? If so I'd love to start working on a character for it. I love mecha stories! (Actually working on world building for a mecha RP of my own but I've really been getting the itch to write for it. This should satisfy it for now x3). I love the detail and plot you've put into this!
Sincerely Me
Senior Member
@Imperator Penguin I intended the limit for ten, but if you can impress me... 
No pressure.
No pressure.
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Imperator Penguin
Leader of the Penguin Legion
@Sincerely Me Lol none at all x3 I'll really bring out all the guns (pun intended) on this CS then xD Also, is it alright if I use a bbcode design format for the CS? I'll still follow your information format but I do have a design I like using. It's totally cool if you'd prefer I keep it like everyone else.
Sincerely Me
Senior Member
As long as the specific fields I have requested a clearly stated You may add more information than is necessary if you would like.
You may add more information than is necessary if you would like.
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Sincerely Me
Senior Member
@Imperator Penguin if you happen to be playing a female character, I have a story canon one that you can play. Everything will still be up to you (including name) except some parts of her background.
But if you still prefer your own oc it's totally fine. Just making a suggestion
But if you still prefer your own oc it's totally fine. Just making a suggestion
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Imperator Penguin
Leader of the Penguin Legion
@Sincerely Me Could you PM it to me and I can take a look? (no guarantees but I'm interested to see)
Soviet Panda
Red Panda Commanda.
Now that I'm (sort of) awake, I'll put in my thoughts on your CS @Killorkiller. The background is very cliche. My dad was a soldier, died when I was young, now I'm a soldier. Can't tell you the number of times I've seen that. And we have many tactically minded people on the team as it is, a little variety would be nice, someone to join Connor in not knowing to much about tactics. EVE wise, the absolute scanning, change it or get rid of it completely. It can't see everything no matter what the enemy tries to do to prevent it from seeing it. I'm good with everything else.
@Throne Trinity That sounds good to me.
@Throne Trinity That sounds good to me.
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