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Realistic or Modern 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚞𝚜

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  • a



Heat encased her limbs like a humid blanket, the floor smoldering beneath her feet and sending up a haze warm enough to disorient the mind in a sedative manner. The heat has never been much of a problem for her, adapting with no great difficulty to the rather humid temperatures at the Jjimjilbang she worked at. It felt like a pleasant warmth, a little bit of sunshine seeping into your bones and extending its light to your muscles in worry-eroding relaxation.

At least, that’s how it was supposed to be.

Tonight felt different -- the heat more pressing than lifting. Instead of delivering a sliver of peace to the astir mindscape, it coiled around her brain like a hot-headed serpent, compressing every thought till the only way out was to think.

While Hana always prided herself on being able to grasp and release thoughts, depending on the suitability of the situations, her current professionality was faltering under the ablaze state of her mind. Snapshots of a noraebang cut short whirled around, echoes of moments prior: the loud noise of a backpack spilling its content on the floor, the deafening silence that followed, the fleeing figure of a shy boy, the returning, shaking form of a sobbing girl. Hana tried her best to lock it all into that mental box to be revisited later, but even she could not quite shake what happened. Rarely had she witnessed her best friend that upset; Mi-rae’s sadness mostly came through brief imageries like the drop of a smile, the rub of glassy eyes, hugs too tight, soft whispers in a pout. It came through clouds, only to be broken by a sunshine so bright it painted your world gold. Never was it such a rainfall as Hana experienced tonight, or like the sombre disposition not even a duet with her boyfriend could alleviate. It struck Hana deeply, the moments replaying in her mind as her heart twisted achingly in compassion.

And then there was Sun-woo. A boy too polite to just leave someone like Mi-rae in the rain, too sweet to be such an enigma. It seemed that he merely existed through separate puzzle pieces, though with none quite fitting together to create a picture complete enough to deem it true. Shards of information traversed Hana’s mind, circulating clockwise as if it would bring her the sought epiphany one day. It was clear that he keeps secrets stored beneath his timid smile and friendly eyes, pieces of information that can’t be wrung out in idle conversations or chancy games like truth or dare. Hana knew her questions would probably remain unanswered if it came to asking the boy himself, and her own morals would prevent her from asking anyway – but sometimes, the universe worked in mysterious ways.

It was a mystery yet to be solved, yet the answer walked right in the room. It was so serendipitous she had to blink and do a double take, mind pausing and rewiring as the tall boy dressed in unicoloured shirt and shorts traversed the sleeping quarters. Now, seeing Sun-woo there shouldn’t be this telling given the fact he confessed coming here to take showers, but this wasn’t just a boy caught at a sauna: it was a boy caught in a lie. This was when every little evidence started to fit together, the puzzle pieces finally falling into place. The finished picture? Heart-wrenching.

It didn’t stop Hana from starting to walk into his direction, though. Maybe it was the surge of loyalty she felt for her best friend, cluelessly upset. Or maybe it was her own curiosity driving her across the room, eager to solidify her conclusion as the true one or not judging from which way he would jump. Once standing behind him, Hana cleared her throat. “Hi Sun-woo,” a small smile was present on her face, hoping it would make him less frightened in case his flight and fight kicked in again. ”I didn’t know you considered our Jjimjilbang your home, but thank you for the compliment.” Thought and feelings barraged the mind as she gazed at the person who looked more and more like a person in need than a thief and a liar. Maybe it was the way Mi-rae continued to gush about him, like he was a treasure to be protected, or perhaps it was her own compassion flowing in waves and pulling at her heart-strings, but Hana could not halt the next words building up in her throat. A friend of Mi-rae was a friend of hers after all, right? And friends helped each other.

“How would you feel about staying at a real home for the night?”








PARK hana








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a


He had hoped that his half an hour in the baths would wash away the memory of today. That the body scrub the seventy-two-year-old man whom he had met at the spa on various occasions would erase all the images of seeing Mi-Rae’s heartbroken face. And he had wished that the sauna and red clay ball fomentation rooms would melt away the aching in his chest. But it didn’t. In fact, the more Sun-Woo pondered about the whole situation, the more it ached. The more it stung. The more anxiety sat in the pit of his stomach. Heck, he was wondering if he was feeling nauseous from sitting in the sauna for too long, or if it was from all the anxiety building up inside of him. Considering today’s events, he was sadly going to have to go with the anxiety.

After having a shower, cleansing himself of all sweat from the rooms, Sun-Woo placed on the provided by the jjimjilbang staff and began his nighttime routine. Brushed his teeth, combed his wet hair, and applied some lotion to his dry skin. Finally, he ensured everything was locked away in his allocated locker and turned his phone off to try and save the battery. Thankfully, he didn’t have work until late in the afternoon tomorrow, which meant he didn’t have to use his phone as a silent alarm like he normally did so. Once his routine was complete, he began to make his way up to the top floor where the sleeping rooms were located.

He didn’t realize that his body was walking all by itself as his mind drifted back to what happened tonight. He had to logically think it all out. If he was to lose Mi-Rae as a student, then he would be losing around 15% of his weekly income. Sure, he could find a student to replace her. But Mrs. Kang was so generous and always paid just a little bit extra, no matter how much he protested. She told him to think of it as a tip considering how much Mi-Rae has been studying and improving her grades. Ah, Mrs. Kang… There was no way in heck that Mrs. Kang would probably want to see him again after the way he treated his old friend.

With his brain on auto-pilot, Sun-Woo picked up two blankets from the allocated pile near the entrance of the door and continued to make his way through. In his mind, he was trying to calculate what would be the best way to move around his money without needing Mrs. Kang additional tips. I mean, he was doing okay before he started to tutor Mi-Rae… then again, before he started to tutor Mi-Rae, his payments were a lot smaller. The loan shark on the hunt for his money had decided to just boost up his interest rate without any warning, hence his reason for needing to tutor the girl in the first place.

“Hi Sun-Woo,”

Wait – what? Sun-Woo paused in his spot, looking at the girl who said his name. It took him a few seconds to get out of his complicated train of thought to realize who was before him. And when he did, his eyes widened and that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach decided it was time to start picking up the intensity. Oh… dear Lord… He could feel his cheeks instantly burn; he had been caught out. Shame fell upon his shoulders and felt no strength to keep his head up. Instead, he gazed down at the floor, waiting to hear some sort of scolding. After all, he had lied not only to Hana, but to someone he (and Hana) considered to be close friends with.

“How would you feel about staying at a real home for the night?”

His ears perked up hearing the suggestion. Slowly, his gaze moved from his feet to meet the eyes of the girl before him. He wasn’t sure what it was, and how to control it, but he could feel the corner of his eyes starting to water and burn. Was it because he was ashamed that someone had just figured out he was homeless and that he had been keeping such a dark secret from his friend? Well, yes. But maybe it was also the thought of actually staying at a real home. An overwhelming sense of gratitude towards this girl, whom he barely knew, and who was willing to let him into her house instead of him having to use his money on somewhere to rest for the night.

“Yes… please…” Sun-Woo responded softly, his voice tangled with both gratitude and sorrow.






HO sunwoo








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a



It was the kind of night that held a coldness reaching into your bones, as if the heart was a door left wide open to the icy wind, slamming only to open again. It was the kind of night you would rather stay at home, buried under a plethora of blankets, warm cup of chocolate in your hands as you admired the black tranquillity married to a poetry of stars through glass windows. It was a night Mi-rae wished could lend its obsidian wings to her and carry the worries of the heart and plagues of the mind away, out of sigh and out of mind. Unfortunately, the serenade of black above was not enough to beckon serenity into the soul; she needed a corporeal distraction – which is why she was currently walking through the cold night to reach her best friend’s house.

The last few days have been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster. Mi-rae spend more time crying than she liked to admit, though it was not the type of crying one would see, like wailing on the street corners or a portrait of waterworks in a corner. No, it was perhaps the worst kind of crying a person could experience; one where your soul wept and no matter what you tried to do, there was no way to comfort it. Her hurt felt so raw, like there was no skin over the pain and even the tiniest touch could make it bleed. Mi-rae always held onto the philosophy that no matter how bad something was, time will pass and the sun will regain its warmth. Yet, that philosophy was now sitting at her feet, in shambles and broken by the departing figure of a person she never thought could hurt her twice. Sun-woo had been her sun, the piece that completed the soul, and without him, everything felt hollow.

Mi-rae had so many questions, could rarely grasp how her Sunny had left her standing there in the pouring rain. It seemed only that within a span of seconds that all the progress they made as friends was smashed into smithereens, the smile that could melt winter frost traded for a look frighteningly impersonal. His words snapped back to haunt her, the verbalization of a love taken back and locked within a cage one called a body sitting more weightily than anything else. No longer was she his Rae, the resurfaced childhood friend he spent all those years with. He had chosen to see her as his boss now, as if he had ripped out the chapters spent together in the history book. How he could so cruelly decide to forego their memories was beyond her.

Was it that easy for him?

Questions burned the mind and the lost answers bled the heart. It didn’t help that Suneung was nearing closer and closer, the dread of the exams only piling up on top of the bundled mess that was every thought and feeling surrounding Sun-woo. Her sleepover with Hana came as a blessing from the heavens, a sweet respite amidst the crumbling of her world. Mi-rae was actually looking forward to spending the night watching kdramas and snacking to all heart’s content and stomach’s ache. Leave all negative energy at the door Mi-rae, she told herself once the house entered her sight. Tonight is all about fun and forget.

With a small sigh, the girl mentally visioned putting everything surrounding Sun-woo and Suneung in a box not to be opened, before stretching her lips into a smile and ringing the doorbell. After a few seconds, the sound of footsteps down the stairs could be heard from outside, followed by the swinging door and a surprised looking friend.

“Mi-rae??” Hana greeted, while trying to hide the bewilderment and building panic. “What are you doing here?”

“Uhh, for the sleepover you silly! Don’t tell me you forgot about it.” Mi-rae replied, before trailing the gaze that her best friend shot behind her.

“Is there something??” she asked, confused by Hana’s odd behavior at the moment.

“No, not at all.” her friend quickly rebutted, lips curving up into a smile that seemed a bit too bright to be true.

“Okay… Well, can I come in? It’s kinda cold out here.”

It took a weird minute for her best friend to respond, as if she was contemplating different options. But Hana has always been better at hiding her emotions and other than taking a bit longer than to respond, her expression did not let anything up as she nodded.

“Yes of course.” Hana opened up the door further to give Mi-rae the space to enter the house. “Just- one minute! Stay here. I need to clean up my room a bit further.” before Mi-rae could accord any response, her best friend’s figure dashed up the stairs again. Why Hana was so adamant about her staying there when they both knew Hana’s bedroom was never anything other than spotless, she didn’t know. But Mi-rae didn’t seek much behind it and patiently waited.

For a minute or so.

“Hanaaaa, let’s watch a cute and wholesome kdrama. I need something sweet and cute to distract me~” Mi-rae pouted while entering the bedroom. Her eyes landed on her best friend who was standing next to the closet, before sweeping across the indeed spotless room. “also, I don't know what you were talking about. Your room looks completely fine!!”





Kang Mirae








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a


It had been a couple of days since the Kang vs Ho battle out front of the Karaoke bar. To Sunwoo, it felt like it had been an eternity. The reality of the world was dragging him back to his responsibilities, and he was forced to hand over any emotional trauma from the event to the wind. Well, in other words, he just did what he did best; he pushed it down. Sure, there had maybe been a couple of times where he felt it bubbling up inside of him. He could feel his throat tightened and his eyes sting as something so simple like something he had been teaching her was being asked during school or seeing the pictures of Hana and Mi-Rae around Hana’s bedroom. But with his years of training, he had learnt to shove down any useless, pointless emotions such as grief or missing someone. After all, crying after someone was not going to bring them back into his life, right?

It really didn’t help that he somehow managed to catch a cold that he just couldn’t really seem to shake off. Prior to the karaoke night, he had felt like his voice was getting scratchy, but tossed it up to just the weather changing into the colder seasons. But over the last few days, let’s just say he was truly blessed to have Hana invite him to stay at her place. It meant he had somewhere warm to eat, bathe and sleep for the night; and it could potentially help him get over this nasty cold that just didn’t want to budge.

And even better; Hana didn’t ask questions.

She simply allowed him to bunk in her bedroom while her family were away. No, not in the same bed as each other. Hana was sleeping in her parent’s bedroom, and she gave Sun-Woo her bedroom to sleep in. The first night had been somewhat awkward as Sun-Woo was unsure of how to repay Hana for her generosity. However, the second and third night, he decided he could thank her by making her a homemade dinner. He had been the head cook in his house growing up, as his father was often far too busy with work to cook anything decent for the family. So, of course, he was going to use those skills so he could not only thank Hana, but he could also have a decent meal before heading off to work.

It was Tuesday night; Sun-Woo had just finished making dinner, and he placed the pot of japchae to the side to cool off slightly. Hana had mentioned that she needed to have a shower before dinner and to quickly look at some emails. So, he took this opportunity to head into Hana’s room and lie down on the bed. He felt like he was going to melt away into a puddle as he landed on the soft mattress. The rumbling in his lungs prepared his body for an involuntary, chesty cough that slipped past his lips as he finally found himself relaxed. Flinching, feeling his sides ache from the excessive coughing these last few days, he actually thought for a split moment that maybe – just maybe – he should call in sick to work tonight.

Before he even had the opportunity to calculate how much that would put him behind on his loan payments, he heard the sound of feet quickly hurrying up the stairs. As his dark, tired eyes began to open and look in the direction of the sound, a clearly stressed out Hana entered the room and closed the door after herself. “We need to hide you” she hissed at Sun-Woo.

“… Huh?”

Without any explanation, Hana raced towards him and wrapped her hand around his wrist. With a powerful yank, she pulled him off her bed and made a straight line towards the closet. Everything seemed to happen so quickly; with swift, powerful movements, Hana opened the closet door and practically pushed him in. “Hana – What the h-” he began, completely and utterly confused by what the girl was doing.

“Mi-Rae is here”

That was all she had to say to turn his face pale and ears red. Panic stations, everyone. Sun-Woo cursed softly under his breath, his eyes scanning the bedroom from his position in the closet. “My bag – don’t forget to hide my bag. It’s in the kitchen! Oh! And dinner is ready too.” he harshly whispered.

“Hanaaa, let’s watch a cute and wholesome kdrama-”

Both of their eyes widened as they heard Mi-Rae advancing closer towards the bedroom. Without another word, Hana slid the closet door shut and Sun-Woo slid down to the floor, attempting to find a comfortable spot on the floor to sit down. After all, he had a feeling he was going to be here for a while. A soft sigh slipped past his lips as he pressed the side of his head against the closet wall, closed his eyes and waited to hear Mi-Rae’s voice once more. There it was. Her voice. His heart began to race, and his stomach was tied into knots. All he could do now was pretend he wasn’t here for both he and Hana’s sake.

“Oh, please,” he could hear a nervous Hana respond “I haven’t swept the floor in so long. There are dust bunnies forming!”







HO sunwoo








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a



Mi-rae’s observation prowess had always been fickle, prone to change as easily as the direction of the wind. At times, even the tiniest details got captured by her wandering gaze, like the downward flutter of a petal or the heart-shaped stone on the side of a road. At other times, not even the biggest ocular cues were able to be seized by her vision, like the sudden loss of her phone when it had been in the hand all along, or the complete blindness to the large statue a short distance away that Hana pointed at. But labile or not, even Mi-rae was able to catch the oddities in her best friend’s behaviour at the moment.

It stemmed first from feeling, because as much as emotions viced her, they were her inner strength too. Just the faint sense of an anomalous energy in the room was enough to materialize a tiny suspicion that something was wrong, and that exact sensation travelled from the depths of her stomach to the summit of the mind. Consciously, Mi-rae felt her gaze shifting from the drama they were watching on the laptop to her friend herself, the strange vibes guiding her eyes and ears to new mannerisms that spoke singularity. An auditory clue that she received was Hana’s quietude. Mi-rae might have always been the noisiest of the two while watching dramas, but her best friend had never been this silent; at the very least, Hana would release a comment in response to Mi-rae or share laugher. Her side-peers then highlighted the way her friend’s stare at the screen seemed more hollow than focused, while also sometimes averting to somewhere else in the room. Mi-rae did not want to jump to conclusions and create a discussion out of loose suspicions, but the initial curiosity was slowly trickling over into worry. This distracted demeanour was so unlike Hana she could not help but wondering if there was something wrong.

Mi-rae pressed her lips together and stayed silent for a while longer, hoping that Hana would breach the subject herself upon hopefully noticing her own lack of reaction. It was half-way the second episode, however, that even non-confrontation Mi-rae could not take it any longer. She paused the laptop, its screen freezing at the exact moment when the two main characters got close to each other, and turned fully to her friend.

“Hana-ya…. Is there something?” She asked with a lightly concerned gaze.

Hana turned her head to her friend and blinked, eyebrows raising in confusion.

“Eh?? No, why do you ask?” She returned.

“ Ah… It’s just that I noticed you were not really paying attention to the drama,” Mi-rae’s hands sought those of Hana’s and she brought them closer to herself. “ Hana-ya… You know you can tell me anything right? That’s what best friends are for !! I know I am not as smart as you and will probably not be able to give you advice like you often give me but I promise I am a good listener! So whatever you are thinking about, I can – no wait – want to hear it.”

Hana’s expression softly melt at Mi-rae’s words, the corners of her lips turning downwards as part guilt washed over her like a cold wave. She wished desperately to tell her best friend about the boy in the closet, but knew that, ultimately, it was not up to her. If Sun-woo had been ready to contact Mi-rae again then he would have done so, she was sure. But this was not the case yet, was it? And exposing the both of them at the moment was probably not going to help the current situation, knowing how fresh the hurt of her best friend still was. Telling Mi-rae would only add additional pain and the two both deserved better than this. So, despite her heart telling otherwise, Hana swallowed the confession and slowly shook her head.

“Oh, Mi-rae… I know, and I am promising you that it’s nothing really. It’s just some worries about the Suneung.” Hana lied with a small smile.

‘’The Suneung??” Mi-rae gaped, wide-eyed of disbelief. “Hana you are one of the last people to worry about the Suneung! You are one of the best students of our class – no – our whole school! I am sure you will a-“ her sentence got interrupted as a weird sneezing noise suddenly erupted from the …... closet?

“…..Did your closest just sneeze?” she blurted, eyebrows furrowing in utter confusion.

“What? No it’s probably just the wi-“ Hana’s sentence itself then also got interrupted by another noise that sounded awfully close to another sneeze. Both the girls looked at each other for a moment, before Hana jumped from the bed -- only to chase after Mi-rae as the girl had already launched herself from her position and was now running over to the closet. All the odd clues were now coming together in her mind, granting her the epiphany of the century.

“Oh my gosh! You have a guest don’t you? That’s why you were so surprised to see me on your doorstep and were so distracted during the drama! Who is it? Is it a boy? Is that why you are hiding him? Don’t tell me it’s a boy! Are you dating someone? Who is it??” Mi-rae excitedly prattled as she grasped the handle of the closet, ready to take a peek at Hana’s secret visitor. “I bet it’s that cute boy you always talk ab-“ the rest of the sentence died in her throat once she opened the door, eyes landing on the figure inside the closet.

The one that awfully looked like the boy she had been thinking and crying about these past days.

It could have been a hallucination. A projection birthed from emotions of want and memories of melancholy. It could have been a figment of imagination, and that boy could have not been the Sun-woo she had to terribly missed and lost sleep on. It could have been anyone but him -- yet, with heart-breaking certainty, she knew.

“S…Sunny?” his name barely escaped her lips, the whisper one of utter shock. Her eyes trailed the same features that had looked so distant at her before disappearing in the rain, her feet carrying herself a couple of steps back as disbelief flooded her. Mi-rae slowly looked back at Hana, who was staring down at the ground in an apologetic manner. Her heart started to falter as the reality of this situation seeped into the body and mind, bringing a tightness to the chest she had not yet experienced before.

“I-I don’t understand- y-you…. and-“ the words died out, crushed by the growing lump in the throat. Even as the girl tried to keep the whirlwind of emotions inside, her eyes betrayed the inner turmoil with its growing, dastardly translucence.

“I don’t understand…” was all she could repeat -- any more bound to come in a waterfall she wasn’t sure she could stop.





Kang Mirae








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a


God dammit. His legs were cramping up.

Despite the size of the wardrobe, Sun-Woo found himself having to accurately shift his body to place himself like a Tetris piece. How many clothes, bags and shoes did this girl own? Did she really need that many? With his head pressed against the backing of the wood, his eyes closed softly and he allowed a soft exhale to slip past his lips. I suppose he could get a bit of shut-eye while he was in here, right? As far as he was concerned, he didn’t snore so there would be no drawing attention to himself.

But even with his eyes closed and his body aching and yearning for slumber, it was quite difficult to fall asleep in a situation like this. Where your childhood friend – the one that had her heart completely shattered by you because you’re too proud to admit the truth that you need some sort of help – sat just mere meters away from the spot you’re hiding in. Multiple times he could feel the rumble in his chest; like thunder growling in the clouds. He could feel it rise to the back of his throat, tickling him in an attempt to open his mouth and allow a deep, chesty cough to erupt. However, Sun-Woo focused on swallowing hard to push it all back down. And while he was focusing on trying to keep that cough down, he had completely forgotten about the sneezing that had also been trying to make itself known.

Ah-choo!

Oh God.

Oh, no.

Sun-Woo froze. His eyes widened as he brought his hands to his mouth and nose. Don’t make any sound. Not one bit. He thought to himself. However, it seemed that Hana was not one to keep her wardrobe as clean as her bedroom. There was truth in her words when she said that she had dust bunnies lying around her room. It seemed as if they were all situated in her wardrobe and making their way up Sun-Woo’s nose, tickling him. He had the option now to let out a sneeze, attempting to soften it and hopefully get away with it. Or he could let out a huge, crusty cough that would be a complete and utter giveaway.

Ah-cooo!

Well, it seemed as if his body decided to go with the sneeze. Not even a micro-second later, Sun-Woo could hear the sound of feet smacking against the wooden floor and rushing over to the wardrobe. Every part of his body tensed. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, and he automatically brought his knees to his chest and buried his face down into his knees and hands. Hopefully, if he curled up into a little ball she wouldn’t notice him if she opened the door, right?

The door flung open and Sun-Woo lost his breath. Curled up in the bottom corner of the wardrobe floor, he prayed that Mi-Rae had lost her sense of vision somehow and was unable to see him. He held onto his breath, clenching every muscle in his body. It was working, wasn’t it? She hadn’t said anything. Maybe she didn’t see him curled away there in the darkness. Maybe Hana had distracted her? Either way, Sun-Woo didn’t dare to lift his head. He remained there in his tight little ball until -

“S… Sunny?”

Shit.

A shaky exhale left his body along with his soul. His jaw ached from clenching it so much. Slowly, he dropped his hands from his face and lifted up his head to see a highly frazzled Mi-Rae before him. His heart was still racing like crazy. At this moment, there was only one thing that was running through it. It was a classic Sun-Woo thought, and Mi-Rae had probably grown tired of it by now. That one thing was a single word: Run.

Steadily, Sun-Woo pushed himself into a standing position. Head down, eyes on the ground, he didn’t dare to make any eye contact with any of the others. He paused for a moment, his aching legs gracefully bringing him out of the wardrobe and standing before the two girls. Run. Get out of there. Run his mind kept on screaming. And so, he gave Mi-Rae a small bow with his eyes not daring to even look at her. “I should head off to work now” he mumbled, unsure if Mi-Rae or Hana would even be able to decode the sentence. And with that additional bit of adrenalin running through his body, he did as his mind was telling to do so; to run away from his problems like he always did. Without another whimper, he turned at his heel and made a gradual straight line to the door for his grand escape.






HO sunwoo








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a



Mi-rae had always believed in fate, believed in the concept of the golden cosmic thread that would lead you down the path meant for you. It acted as an article of faith, a whisper of positivity in times of defeatism. Brandishing a sword of light against shadows of doubt, fate offered an astral serenity. Mi-rae rarely focused on the woes, believing they were but a stepping stone in the passage to her Eden. She believed in fate because it led her to her friends….. Above all, it led her to Sunny. Sun-woo had been the meridian of this belief; a lost childhood friend who entered her life so suddenly but enchantingly again. He was a star of destiny, shining brightly and carrying the cosmic dust of second chances. He was fate [only one who tumbled from his place in the heavens]. Mi-rae had never looked at destiny like it could be a starless sea… yet… she could not help but feel pulled into new currents. This time, the golden thread turned red, the stones in her path more cutting under her feet.

Fate was supposed to lead her to Eden, but all it did was guide her to her best friend’s closet and a boy shaped heartache inside.

Seeing Sun-woo there was alike opening Pandora’s box and finding yourself lost in a black nebula of emotions and questions. What had already been restless water was now bursting its banks and overflowing the mind’s landscape. Scenarios tore new speeds when traveling through the head, each and every one of them further driving an imaginary dagger to the heart [ she didn’t know why pictures of a secret love hurt her the most]. Mi-rae’s heart broke that very moment, the thought of Sunny wanting Hana’s presence and not hers -- despite him being in her thoughts even when she wasn’t thinking -- making her hollow. Her foundation of trust shattered, the idea of her best friend secretly harbouring a boy she knew Mi-rae desperately wanted to talk to igniting a flame of betrayal.

But just as the fractured pieces of her heart tumbled from her ribcage to the ground, an other moment made the soul weep. Disbelief coloured Mi-rae’s expression as she watched her childhood friend not even look at her, his words echoing as another goodbye. Shock filled her body; she was almost unable to grasp what was happening. How could a time of such joy have taken such a tragic turn? Why was Sunny acting so distant and why did he not even want to answer what he was doing in Hana’s closet no less?? Were they not even friends anymore??

The void in Mi-rae’s chest was beginning to fill with anger, frustration building up on the mountain of hurt and confusions. A want eclipsed the clouds of emotions – one she decided to chase for once. Answers. She wanted answers even if it was the last words uttered between the two.

“Sunny!” she yelled after him, before taking on a sprint herself. “Sunny, please! I- Sunny !! Just stop!” her hand firmly grasped his arm, pulling him back to face her. Her chest rose up slightly, her cheeks reddened by both the running and frustration. “ Why do you keep running away from me?” she asked angrily. “Why are you doing this??” was the next question, though it sounded less angrily and more hurt. Tears started to prickle her eyes, ones she desperately tried to wipe away with her sleeve before they could truly fall.

Keep it in Mi-rae. Don’t cry… don’t cry…

“I just don’t understand. I thought everything was fine but now you are avoiding me and acting like you don’t even want to talk to me. “ There was another pauze, her mind still visibly trying to piece everything together as memories flashed by. The serendipity of meeting him again, the interesting game of never have i ever, the magical duet during karaoke, a subsequent, sorrowful goodbye in the rain... “I- I first thought it was my friends who chased you away but now I am seeing you here at Hana’s place and- ” Unbidden tears started to stream down her cheeks despite the effort to hold them in and Mi-rae had to avert her gaze to keep them mostly out of Sunny’s line of sight. She took a shaky breathe, before shaking her head in defeat, “I just don’t know what I’ve done wrong to make you dislike me.…”





Kang Mirae








coded by weldherwings.


 
Last edited:






  • a


“I don’t dislike you, Mi-Rae…”

His words were heavy and strangled. They clawed up his throat, scratching his chords and straining them. While he did try to simply erase himself from her life, he had never had the intentions of making Mi-Rae feel or believe that he had a strong dislike towards her. In fact, he was doing all of this to help her. If only she could see that. He knew that as soon as he even opened his mouth and began to trail on about the long events of his poor childhood, her heart would smash into a trillion little pieces. He was doing this to protect her, not to hurt her. But, it seemed in the process of not trying to hurt her, he… well, was.

Hana, who had chased after Mi-Rae, who had been chasing after the lanky teenage boy, gazed at Sun-Woo. Her eyes danced upon his facial expressions as he dared not to look at his childhood best friend. She could see embarrassment plastered all over his face. The same embarrassment during their game of “Never have I ever”, having all his items scattered across the karaoke room floor, and the moment she discovered that he was homeless. She knew that he didn’t want to worry Mi-Rae. In fact, he told her that repeatedly as he asked her to promise not to tell anyone. At first, she wondered why he was keeping it all a secret. Was he seriously that proud? But as they walked back to her place that night after she finished her shift at the spa, and listened to his sad stories, she realized just why he didn’t want anyone to know. He had been the bearer of pain and heartache for all these years, and the thought of someone else being in such a manner tore him apart. Sun-Woo didn’t need to say it out loud, but Hana could hear it screaming in his ears. He was going to grind his teeth and bear the pain so no one else would have to go through the things he had to go through as a child.

I suppose that’s why she did what she did next. “Mi-Rae,” Hana began, catching up to the two teens who were standing out of the front of her house. Mi-Rae in a posture of attacking while Sun-Woo standing like an injured puppy, covering his face as he kept his head down and eyes on the ground. “Mi-Rae… I… Well… I… I don’t know… How to… Uh…” she stumbled over her words, her eyes flickering back and forth from the boy to her best friend.

Ok. Screw it. This was happening. She was going to help Sun-Woo out.

She stood next to the boy, taking his cold fingers and entwining them with her warm ones. The boy’s eyes grew wider at the touch, his vision snapping towards the image of Hana’s hand embracing his own. What is she doing? Sun-Woo thought to himself, feeling his heart thunder in his chest.

“We didn’t know how to tell you.” Hana said in a calm, collected manner. Sun-Woo’s head slowly raised from it’s downward position and his glance moved from their hands to Hana’s face. She stood there so confident. Not a single stutter in her words. “I know Sun-Woo was your childhood friend, and we just… both didn’t know how to tell you because we were unsure if it would hurt or upset you. In fact, we’ve only been together for what – two and a bit weeks?”

Hana turned her gaze from her friend to her new boyfriend, who flinched slightly as their eyes met. Her cocked eyebrow threw signals at him to play along. “… Yeah… two… and a bit.” he mumbled lightly, nodding his head in agreeance. Slowly, he turned towards Mi-Rae, feeling the tension growing in his body. He had no idea how she was going to react to this new relationship blooming right before her eyes.

“Yeah, and we uh…” Hana paused before turning back to Mi-Rae once again “We had been planning on inviting you and Jae over to tell you both. Like, you know, a double date sort of thing? But then… uh… stuff happened. We just… it’s all new and we really didn’t know how to go about it without someone ending up hurt. And I’m really sorry that this was the way you had to find out about it. Right, Sun-Woo?”

All attention was back on him once more. Hana’s eyes were blaring signals at him to follow along. After all, Hana was the mastermind. He was just there to merely follow instructions and be told what to do. “Yeah,” he said softly, nodding his head and slowly turning his gaze from his new girlfriend to his old childhood best friend “I’m… I’m sorry you had to find out this way”







HO sunwoo








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a



“I’m sorry you had to find out this way”

The words echoed through the mind, like a spoon chiming empty wine glasses and hitting the same fragile note until it faded into nothingness. Distant but oh so striking. Emotions were roaring and dashing with hurricanes as duality formed in the same breath as confliction, all with Mi-rae standing in its eye. Shock ripped through her body as easily as knives would, eyes widening in disbelief. Not because she didn’t believe the two could like each other that way, but because she never saw it coming. Her best friend and Sunny. Together. Questions, so many questions. A look back in the past which now seemed different than before; glimpses of interactions, holding gazes, helping hands, the soft smile and caring eyes. Memories flashed in sudden colour, shocking colour, the colour that leaps out of black when lightning strikes at night. Had it always been there?

Mi-rae did not quite know what to feel.

Happiness was the right emotion, a burst of cheer for those she held dear to her heart finding love in each other, but something else followed through the cracks as well. Something negative and ugly. Was it jealousy? It felt unpleasant and unwelcoming, tasted like a bitter pill, and awakened thoughts she never dared to say out loud. A wish to make the truth a lie. Or perhaps it was fear that drove all these thoughts -- a fear of them abandoning her along the road of their relationship. Mi-rae just got Sun-woo back in her life, but what if he found out that Hana was all he needed? She was pretty, not to mention smarter than Mi-rae could ever imagine being. Gentle too, like a light summer breeze. Mi-rae was shining like the sun, though blinding and irritating too in some degree. Their personalities complimented each other in every way; both soft in nature and sweeter than a love poem. It should not be such a surprise, honestly, to find out that these two souls connected on another level with each other. Mi-rae suspected, in another heart-breaking realization, that they probably fitted each other better than she and him ever would. Maybe Hana was his missing home and she was just the bridge that led him to it. So it was jealousy or fear. It could be both, but shouldn’t be either. Not when these two deserved the kind of love she and Jae had. Not when those emotions were selfish and Mi-rae wasn’t.

So, happiness it was, despite it feeling a little too empty, and a little too fake.

“Omo, you guys! I can’t believe you kept this a secret from me! Did you think I was going to be mad about it??” She shook her head while curving her lips up into a bright, Mi-rae-like smile. “I could never!” what a lie… “Now that I think of it, I’m not surprised. You two make such a cute couple! Almost as cute as me and Jae hehe~” She walked over to her best friend and pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m really happy for you guys. Seriously, you didn’t need to keep it hidden from me. It all makes so much sense now too…” Her gaze traveled to Sun-woo and she walked over to him, huffing before punching him in the shoulder. “Does this mean you avoided me because you were afraid you were gonna slip up on this secret?? You dummy! You just made me think there was something wrong with us!”

A loud sigh left her lips and she shook her head once again.

“Well, now that’s cleared up and I have stopped freaking out about nothing. Let’s go inside again and eat some yummy food. We should definitely plan a cute double date too~!” Mi-rae linked her arms through both of theirs and levelled the two with a warning glare. “ And no more secrets okay??”

What a supportive friend she was.

And what a liar….





Kang Mirae








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a


Moments were melting into one. Emotions were running high, and Sun-Woo wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to keep this charade up. Especially around his best childhood friend. Their journey of linking arms, declaring that there would no longer be any secrets kept between them ever again, was slowly melting into the back of his mind, establishing itself as a foundational piece. How was he never going to be able to keep a secret from her ever again? Did this mean he was meant to confess all the secrets that he was currently hiding from her? That his Appa was dead, he was homeless, he stole sometimes so he could have the essentials, and that he was severely behind on his loan repayments to the loan sharks. The thought of sitting Mi-Rae down and confessing each and every aspect of his life sent a chill through his spine. He could just imagine Mi-Rae’s bright, joyful face slowly crackle into a pit of despair and pain; something he didn’t want to do.
“You okay?”

Hana’s voice met with his ears, snapping him out of his internal monologue draped in anxiety and fear. Sun-Woo’s eyes, which had been blankly staring at the japchae that he was mindlessly stirring as it reheated on the stove, snapped back into attention and looked at his, well, girlfriend. I suppose that’s what she was now. No matter if it was fake or not. That was who she apparently was now. “Mmhm?” Sun-Woo hummed towards the girl. Her words had met his ears though it resembled the sound of a bee buzzing past despite the girl standing right next to him in the kitchen.

The girl let out a soft sigh, edging closer. Her delicate hand landed firmly on his lower back and her cheek planted to the side of his arm. This was all part of the plan. Operation Sun-Woo and Hana are convincing a couple. She knew that Mi-Rae was lurking nearby and that she would no doubt sneak a glimpse of what was happening. Plus, this was nothing. Hana acted this way with Mi-Rae all the dang time. But for Sun-Woo, it was completely out of his zone.

With two simple gestures of adoration, Sun-Woo felt his whole body tense up. Physical touch was not something he was used to. The only other person in his life who had shown any signs of love or adoration through physical gestures were Mi-Rae and her Umma. Not even his own Appa would have been so bold to hold and hug his son. “I know this is going to be hard…” Hana whispered lowly so only the pair of them could hear. “But until Mi-Rae is ready to hear your truth, and you’re ready to tell her, this is going to have to be the way. We’ve already dug ourselves a hole.”

This time, Hana’s voice was not a passing insect whizzing in the open breeze. Her words left imprints, large and deep, upon his chest. For a moment, it felt as if her words were heavy enough to crush his lungs. Hana’s hand began to caress his back, slowly and smoothly, as if she could sense that her fake boyfriend had all this built up stress loaming in his posture. “We’ve got this, okay?” She continued to whisper “You’ve got this. Just… relax. Don’t be so stiff.”

Don’t be so stiff.
Right.

Hana was a thousand times right. They needed to pretend this was real so Mi-Rae didn’t get hurt. All of this was to protect Mi-Rae. Inhaling slowly, followed by exhaling at the same pace, Sun-Woo tried to focus on relaxing his body. Relaxing at the feeling of another person wanting to willingly touch his body for signs of affection. A smile crept onto Hana’s face as she caught a glimpse of Sun-Woo’s complexion as he concentrated on his breathing. “You’re going great.” she said confidently as her faced warmed with her emotions. Hana patted the lower part of Sun-Woo’s back before standing up straight once more “I’ll get the bowls for the food”





HO sunwoo








coded by weldherwings.


 






  • a


"What if this was a mistake?"

the words were uttered in a shivering whisper, its sound soft enough to be carried away by the winds, right into the stars where it could not be reached or heard. But they were standing close enough, arms around each other's form to protect each other from night's chill, lips one tip toe away from touching. Jae heard all that left her mouth with a slip of the tongue, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as confusion flickered across his face. Caring as he was, her boyfriend gently tucked a loose, billowing strand of hair behind her ear, before returning a question of his own.

"What do you mean?"

Her gaze found the paved ground below, fingers grasping the sides of his coat a little bit tighter as the knot in her stomach twisted a little bit more. Mi-rae could not shake it; the worry about this whole double date thing. It had been a proposal born from the wish to support this newly discovered relationship between two people she held dear ― one she should be bursting from excitement for ― and yet,, nothing but dread poured from the soul.

Mi-rae bit her lip, debating whether or not to confide in her boyfriend and reveal the shadows behind her sunshine mask. She wanted to, longed for a meager flake of wisdom she could hang onto, but how does one explain this feeling inside? Her heart felt too empty to be truly happy, her soul too heavy to weave the glitter and gold that always raised her up. Mi-rae could not explain the echoing, empty space inside. Shards of uncertainty razored her rope of sanity till only frays remained, stumped at the thumb and light in the grip. Mi-rae did not want to admit that those shards could be forged by something as ugly as jealousy. Did not want to glance into the mirror of truth and see its reflection: a girl who wished someone's love didn't exist. A girl all too afraid to be left behind.

What's behind the crinkles of her smile and the twinkles in her eyes was a flawed eclipse ― under her jubilant shouts, whispers of vices. Mi-rae was not a perfect being, but she tried to be. No one would want to be around someone selfish and jealous, so she decided to be a flood of sunlight; like brilliant diamond ink, leaving golden stains of mirth. Too virtuous to hate and too precious to abandon.

It's how her path collided with her friends, and with Sunny. Both she could not afford to lose.

A small shake of the head, along with a smile sealed the mask again.

"Nevermind. it's just some goofy nerves." her eyes then caught the two approaching figures, heralding the beginning of this fated night. Her mask stretched a little more while her stomach churned.

"Sunny !! Hana!!" Bright and easy was the greeting as she released herself from her hugging stance "Aaaaa you're here!! I'm so excited!!" oh how these lies sparkled under the midnight sky. "What movie should we watch?? Jae wants to see a horror movie but he knows how easily scared I get.. So what about romance? It would be so cute for a double date right??"





Kang Mirae








coded by weldherwings.


 














  • i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about you and me. i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about the time when we were us.

    ho sunwoo​








The last four days had been a random concoction of fairy tale stories, make-believe memories and undying love between two very random strangers, riddled with a cluster of lies. These two beings who were only meant to have one common source of interest to link them together were now in some sort of love novella, entwining and embracing each other’s messes. He was a fragile slate of glass, fault lines emerging and previous repairs obvious to the watchful eye. She was clay, shaped and formed by the people around her, without a say if she would use to serve food to the hungry or simply stand in a cabinet for the rest of her life. And while they were both completely and utterly lost in the depths of this sea of lies, which they had crafted personally, they found themselves content with just being able to keep their head above the water. For without the waves trying to thrash down on them or creatures below trying to pull them down into the abyss, they could at least breathe for the time being. There was no romantic attachment between the pair; just a mutual agreement that they were safe floating in this sea together rather than alone.

The 8-bit tone of his mobile phone chimed in his jacket pocket as he stepped foot out of the library. He had just finished four tutor sessions back-to-back, and also managed to start his day off with a six-hour shift at the store beforehand. All his body yearned for was to lie down on the soft mattress of his ’girlfriends’ bed. However, the ringing brought a sharp pain up his spine and a grimace complexion upon his face. He was envisioning it already; a crowded setting, smoke and sweat lingering in the air as the barbeques hissed and customers chattered in various forms of octaves and volume. His boss pleading for him to come in and help conquer the corporates and businessmen as they fill their sorrows with galbi and soju. With extreme caution, he slithered out his phone to see the illuminating screen.

Hana.

A puff of relief slipped past his lips, attaching itself to the freezing particles forming in the fast-approaching winter air. The sensation running in his spine trickled down into non-existence as the fire in his stomach began to flicker. Beep. Chilled fingers pressed onto the keypad before he lifted up to his ear to speak. “Hana?”

“What are you wearing?”

It was an odd question. However, Sunwoo had soon learnt within the last few moons that Hana was filled with questions. It seemed as if every single personal aspect of Sunwoo’s life had appeared on a crossword sleuth and Hana was simply trying to crack the code of the game. Chestnut brown eyes flickered up towards the emerging night sky. A full moon. That would explain the rather curious phone call.

“What I wore when I left the house this morning”

“Black pants, black shirt and that outdated black jacket?”

“It’s not outdated ”

“Mmmm, okay. If you say so.” The rummaging in the background became more apparent with the unamused tone in her voice. “You’re at the library, right? Stay there. I’ll be there in five minutes”

Without a trace, she was gone from the other end of the receiver. Brows furrowed and confusion plastered, Sunwoo looked at his phone with dismay before gracefully returning it back to his jacket pocket. The five-minute wait was enough time for him to readjust his backpack straps, re-tie his shoelaces and for the blood to rush to his ears, creating a pink hue as the frost nipped at them. It was at the five-minute mark when Hana finally made her appearance. She came racing down the street, her hand grasping a black plastic bag for her dear life. She didn’t need any introduction of her arrival as she threw the bag into the arms of Sunwoo and breathlessly told him go put this on.

Had he forgotten something?

He followed her cues; went to the bathroom and changed into the new garments she had thrown into her bag in a hurry. Even now as they walked side by side, hand in hand, his mind was ticking over. What had he forgotten? He felt like it was something important. Well, it was important enough for Hana to race to his aid with a change of clothes; a plain white shirt, a denim button-up and dark sage pants. It was nice but also casual. Hana continued to speak about something, but Sunwoo’s mind was far too preoccupied with the fear of losing his memory.

“Sunny! Hana!”

His head shot straight up; the fear of his memory was far gone and replaced with the immense terror that he might’ve just broken his neck from looking up so quickly. He surely didn’t have enough money to cover that hospital bill. Hana must’ve sensed the confusion radiating through his frame, confessing to the boy as they began to draw closer to their dear friend. “I wanted to surprise you,” she spoke in a hushed tone, “But we’re going on a double date to the movies.”

“The movies? I –”

“I know. You’ve never been before, right?”

The pair turned to one and another; a hint of joy in the form of a sparkle in her eye shone upon Hana as she gazed up at the boy who had been birthed and raised in poverty. He was in a state of shock, his mouth agape as they approached Mi-Rae and Jae. What movie should we watch? Hana wasn’t bluffing. They were actually about to go and see a film. They were actually about to go, sit down in a movie theatre, probably have some popcorn, and watch a film before someone could record it on their handheld cam-recorder and sell bootleg copies of it in the marketplace.

“Ooo! We really should see something scary!” Hana responded to her best friend, her eyes wides and mischievous “Oh! I know! There’s this zombie one on right now. But it’s only showing in the 4DX theatre rooms.”

“Four…”

Sunwoo’s timid voice stopped before he could make an ass of himself and reveal that he had no theatre culture. Before anyone could make mention of his trailing voice, Hana turned to him with a gigantic, toothy grin on her face. “It’s these seats that have motion chairs and like, real-life effects too! So it feels like you’re in the movie!” she explained before leaning into his arm and tightening her grip on his hand, entwining their fingers even more so. “It can get really scary too. So you’re my hand holding partner during the movie, m’kay?”

There were no words exchanged, but rather a soft nod of the head. He had no idea what she was on about; motion chairs and real life effects. Whatever it was, it did seem to be quite… different.





 
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  • sunny days spent in our own little world we were princes and princesses, healers and knights. back when we made promises to stay together forever. it was a time i remember all too well; a time when we were us.

    kang mi-rae​








There are these lies, white but deep, that keeps one from falling, its fragments molding together into a mask perfect but delicate. Pretty lies and prettier smiles meant to hide something ugly, something flawed. An exterior grand and golden is what distracts the eye, its decorated walls holding the whispers, shivers and aches of the heart back from leaving. Mi-rae knew her maze of emotions too well, knew how it would always leave behind pieces and clues of the truth despite trying to lock it all away. It was only a matter of time before the mask would crack against her will, and yet, she continued to parade around with it. Why? Because everything. Because the moment shadows would surpass the sunshine, questions would appear. Questions digging into the dirt where her secret emotions were buried.

Mi-rae could watch it all play down like a movie, scenes flickering through the mind and catching her by the throat. Hana, selfless and oh so good, would bow out of the story if she caught wind of the relationship possibly hurting her best friend. She would drop Sun-woo's glass heart to mend the holes Mi-rae's own insecurities bore into her own. Both would start to wear a mask of fake smiles around her, claiming to be fine while withering from the inside. Slowly, page by page, scene by scene, everything would become less sweet and more bitter. Words that held so much sincerity would turn hollow, and Mi-rae would have to live with drowning her best friends just to keep herself afloat. The ending wasn't worth all the pain and anguish, she not the survival. Sunny and Hana deserved to be happy, even if it was not with her.

So here was to being the kind of supernova that created stars twinkling and bright.

A death of her own might be imminent, but it was worth keeping her best friends' smiles alive.

And may they light up the night sky like this.

She hoped it could banish her darkness too. Strip those ugly emotions away, like the sinking of the heart upon watching them clasping their hands tightly together. Or the twist of envy when Sunny laughed as Hana whispered something into his ear. Mi-rae prayed, head resting on Jae's shoulder with eyes darting over to her best friends in the dimmed cinema hall, that these emotions departed before it could stain the mind and poison the soul.

Or was it already too late?

Because nothing stopped her stomach from churning, nor was it too difficult to find these memories highlighting the cold difference between past and present. She could remember it all too well; the days where she and Sunny would cling to each other, eyes glued to the tv as a scary movie played. Sneaky as they were, being up after bedtime. It was dark then, but the memory shone in roseate hues. We did that first, were the words roaming freely but disturbingly, as another peek revealed Hana and Sun-woo in similar position now. Was it melancholy driven jealousy? Or something else?

Mi-rae did not want to find out yet.

Instead, the girl willed herself to focus back on the movie, on her boyfriend. Shifting in her seat, she briefly lifted up her head from Jae's shoulder, hand reaching over to grab the drink. It was at that moment, however, when another jumpscare emerged on the big screen. Heart leaping into her throat, her frame instinctively sought the safety that was her boyfriend's frame, scream synchronizing with the others in the hall. Eyes closed and face buried in the arm of her boyfriend, she waited till the chairs stopped shaking. It was only after things calmed down again, that a heart-skipping question passed the mind.

Was Jae sitting left or right to her?





 
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  • i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about you and me. i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about the time when we were us.

    ho sunwoo​








The movement of the jerking chair was enough to knock the wind out of him for a moment. Eyes wide, every hair standing on it’s edge as the burst of wind splattered against his face, Sunwoo had not been expecting this experience when the girls had been describing it to him. Hana managed to leave out the fact that he would most likely be nursing a raging whiplash for the remainder of the year as the chairs moved in unison with the screen. As if it wasn’t already scary enough considering it was a zombie movie – but now you had to add in the scare factor of potentially falling out of your chair and flat on your ass on the floor.

While a part of him was rather salty that he was being put through this experience, there was a part of him that was finding this… trilling. His heart was racing, his mouth was dry and his mind was struggling to keep up with what was fact or fiction. But the endorphins were surging through his veins and with each jolt – even though he would hastily grasp onto his seat or onto Hana’s arm – there was a wide grin on his face. As if to say ‘haha, you got me! You silly movie.’ There had been moments in life where he had been scared beyond words. Moments where his knees would wobble and his stomach would ache. Moments where he genuinely feared for his life and doubted that he would be blessed to see the morning sunshine down upon his waking face. He was scared now – but he was okay with it. There was a sort of… comfort to this type of scare.

“I need to go to the bathroom” Hana hissed at him as she leaned towards him once the chairs had finished shaking. There it was again – fear. His eyes widen in a state of panic as he looked at his only safety blanket for this whole experience. It seemed despite only having known Sunwoo enough to glimpse at the flyleaf of his life story, she could see exactly what was on his mind through those pleading eyes. “It’s okay. Mi-Rae is still here, remember?”

Oh, that was right. Mi-Rae… and her boyfriend, Jae.

The chairs continued to shake, and the wind blew in their faces; the movie continued on without a care in the world that Hana was on her way to the bathroom. Just as life continued on once you leave it. But we just have to be brave. Sunwoo was manifesting it internally. Be brave, be brave, be brav-. In the middle of his internal chant, a zombie happened to launch itself at one of the main characters from behind an enclosed door; how incredibly rude. The chairs shook violently, and Sunwoo’s body refused to stop for even a second to consider its possible choices of survival. Instead, it had a mind of its own and long, lanky arms took hold of the closest thing that was near him with a yelp slipping past his forced shut lips. That closest thing just so happened to be clinging onto him; arms wrapped around each other in complete unison, eyes closed in sync and hearts thrashing in their rib cages as the chairs shook.

Once the chairs chilled the crap out, it was time to finally breathe. The storm had passed; or were they just in the calm eye of it all? Either way, it was now safe. Tired, scared, dark eyes opened with hesitation to find that Mi-Rae had taken refuge in him rather in the arms of her boyfriend. A warmth ran straight up his spine at the initial thought, spreading to his neck and tinting the softness of his sullen cheeks. But this wasn’t how it was meant to be. It wasn’t how he was meant to be feeling either with his arms wrapped around another’s man’s partner. He had to bring out the comedy of it all; how utterly bizarre and ridiculous it was that she would come to him for any sort of comfort.

“Aishh, Rae-rae” he cooed at the girl, shaking his head in a swaying manner “Why are you using me as a shield? I was trying to use you as a shield. It’s so stereotypical for a man to protect a woman. You should be protecting me instead.” The chairs rattled their bodies once more; his grip on the girl next to him only tightened. “Aiishhh, why didn’t we go and see a Pokémon movie or something”






 
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  • sunny days spent in our own little world we were princes and princesses, healers and knights. back when we made promises to stay together forever. it was a time i remember all too well; a time when we were us.

    kang mi-rae








Mi-rae's heart has always been wayward; running amok in endless arrays of emotions. It can't hide well, always finding itself on barren fields and in transluscent waters. Just like the sun, her rays are time-bound in ways a glimpse is inevitable. Light will always breach the mind-woven eclipse, and what is sky blue and night black, shall always be pierced by an aureate raw and blinding. You, used to the gentle ascencion of the world's brightest star, won't know what to do with this sudden flood of blaze. It burns, bursts with sparks dangerously wild. You wonder, reaching for the cooling shadows, where this all could come from. Wonder what happened to that perfect sunshine.

it was the ebullition Mi-rae desperately tried to keep inside, but even now, it was difficult to ignore that strange pulse to the chest, past the bones. Mind caught up with its mistake, the heartbeat should've stopped its wild tempo. Now that the scary scene had passed, there should've been a dwindling of trembling. So how come it still felt like she was in a heart-palpitating situation? Warmth spread throughout the body and not even the gust of fake wind blowing into her face was cooling. Was it embarrassment coloring her face at the moment, or that odd comfort she could not quite explain?

Shining brightly in fluster, a barely coherent response could be formulated:

"Ah. I'm- you- I thought, I- didn't know you were so scared of horror movies too, " a giggle erupted from her upon catching a memory, "but then again, I do remember a young Sunny trying to steal my sheets to cower under..."

She snuck a glance over to her boyfriend, feeling guilty to have mistaken Sunny for him. He did not seem outwardly bothered, his expression calm as always. His eyes briefly flickered somewhere, before commenting:

"I think that is Hana coming back."

Hana.

Mi-rae immediately pulled away from her best friend, panic flushing. Did she see her embracing her boyfriend? Would she be upset? What if she ruined the date night right now?? Questions whirled through the mind, one of which Mi-rae wished to bury forever.

Why didn't it feel wrong?






 
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  • i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about you and me. i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about the time when we were us.

    ho sunwoo​















A small frown almost dared to flush over his face as he heard Mi-Rae mention that she didn’t know that he was so scared of horror movies; had she forgotten those nights hiding under their blankets? Crawling down those never-ending stairs, knowing which step would creak on the wooden staircase and avoiding them. And once they were able to, to sit down on the lowest step they could reach and pop their heads around the corner to see what the adults were watching. It was way past their bedtime, but did a sleeping schedule ever exist during a sleep over? It was only one of the handful of times his father had reluctantly agreed for his son to sleep over the trophy family’s household.

Their innocent eyes, glazed and fighting the urge to nod off into the land of snooze, staring at the television screen with such determination. The speakers were down low, hoping not to disrupt the children from their slumber – but also completely unaware those same children were snooping around the house – so all they had for themselves was the images. Zombies creeping, men with guns and large knives. One by one, the zombies fell like dominoes. Each swing and gunshot ensured the walking dead were, finally, dead. Then it would happen – a jump scare. The zombies would attack back in a flash, causing a very young Mi-Rae and Sun-woo to yelp in fear – and for their plans to be foiled. Mi-Rae’s mother would lead them back to bed, and tell them that they couldn’t watch the shows because they would get nightmares.

She was right. Mrs Kang was always right.

Sun-Woo would barely sleep – especially after zombie films – finding some sort of way to ensure his partner in crime didn’t shut her eyes either. Every movement in the house was amplified, and he found himself cowering under his friend’s bed sheets, clinging to her for his dear life. And the moment Mi-Rae’s eyes lit up and she brought up her memory, it illuminated the memory that was hidden in the darkness for so long. The warmth ran through his chest, causing bubbles of excitement and joy to rise through his body. A grin began to spread across his face as the pair of them had their moment – their special moment.

That was until Mi-Rae pulled away. Had she been burnt by the fire that was igniting the memories of their childhood that had been blown out by the reality of their futures? Honestly, it started Sun-Woo at the sudden change of composure and atmosphere surrounding them. The warmth in his chest was dwindling as he clung to the feeling. It wasn’t until he turned his gaze from his friend to back in front of himself that he realised that Hana’s silhouette was approaching them. Now the fire that was burning with excitement had been dampened, leaving behind ash that fell from the sky into his stomach. An uneasiness flooded the pits of his guts as Hana took her seat once more.

“Did I miss much?” She asked in a hushed voice, adjusting herself in the chair to become comfortable once more.

“No… You didn’t miss anything at all” Sun-Woo responded, offering the girl a soft smile. She returned a closed, wide one before wrapping her arms around his biceps and resting her head against his shoulder. And even though Hana provided a source of heat as she wrapped her arms around his own, there was still the lingering coldness on his other arm. For a brief moment, it had left like Mi-Rae had been brought onto this Earth to have her arms around his; she was a puzzle piece that made him whole. But now, he was left as an imperfect Friday family game night jigsaw, wondering if he would ever be completed.









 
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  • sunny days spent in our own little world we were princes and princesses, healers and knights. back when we made promises to stay together forever. it was a time i remember all too well; a time when we were us.

    kang mi-rae








Mi-rae's mind was one of bright melodies, erratic symphonies, and dark duets. It roared as much as it mumbled, the string of thoughts as loud as the heart willed it to be. Silence rarely reigned inside with words rising and falling like breaths. Sometimes the sound resembled the jinkling of bells, light but attention seeking. Other times, the melody haunted and taunted like a ghost, whispering things that sound like truths but echoed lies. Some people could drown in the silence of it all, but Mi-rae, an person with ears so tuned to the refrains of the heart, got lost in her own crescendos. And there was no stopping, no pause, when the thoughts started to thrum; it continued on and on, no matter how loud and overwhelming it felt.

Mi-rae always tried to make peace with the noises inside her head but sometimes her own voice got buried under its thunderous volume. Sometimes, the music of those thoughts, regardless of how bad they sounded, struck her just right. And maybe that was because she believed fears couldn't be completely wrong; they always held a bit of truth, a bit of reason. Her mother told her no one would leave her, yet Sunny did, even if he came back. Hana promised their friendship would always be important to her, yet she kept her relationship with Sunny a secret and continued to act a bit differently around her. Jae reassured her that he wouldn't want to change a thing about her, yet suggested to tone down her energy a bit when around his family. He didn't even disagree with Min-ji when she ridiculed Mi-rae's fashion suggestion for him. A fashion suggestion she had already secretly bought to give him..

Mi-rae's eyes traveled to the closet where her present was kept, biting her bottom lip as her thoughts spiraled. She didn't show it then, but the silence really bothered her. She loved him enough to deal with those uncomfortable social gatherings he had to attend, brimming of fellow high society members, all gossiping, all judging. Loved him so much that his words were the only thing that mattered, the only she would listen to even when others would compare her to 'better' suited girls. Jae had always defended her before, so why not that time? What had changed? Was he starting to doubt their relationship? Doubt her? She wanted to ask him, but was afraid he would think she didn't trust him or was making a big deal out of nothing.

Mi-rae let out a sigh.

If only there was someone else she could as-

Wait a minute.

A gasp left her lips as a realization crashed through. Her gaze immediately turned to Sun-woo, who was there for their tutor session. Right! He had a girlfriend now, so his insight on the situation could help her understand it better. Boyfriends were boyfriends after all, right? Surely their mentality would align with one another, even if the girls were two different people.

"Sunny," she clasped his hand, drawing his attention away from her assignment he was currently grading, "I need your boyfriend view on a situation! " shifting in her seat, Mi-rae mulled over how to describe the situation and current dilemma. After a moment, she turned to fully face her friend, hear-me-out expression on her face.

"Ok, Sunny, imagine; you and Hana are shopping together and she grabs something, like a jacket, and asks what you think of it. You are about to respond, but then an other person appears. It's someone you know and are on neutral terms with...I think?? Well they can make mean comments sometimes but you two grew up together in the same social circle. Anyway, she- I mean they, say that the jacket wouldn't suit you and that it looks kinda poor. What do you do?? You would defend your girlfriend right? You'd say something, right? Unless you agree with them... But is that what boyfriends do if they agree with a person's opinion but don't want to say it? Stay silent? And what would you do, if it turns out Hana has already bought the jacket and wants to give it to you? How would you respond then-"





 
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/* ------ left side ------ */




/* ------ tabs ------ */









  • /* ------ sticky note letter ------ */
    i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about you and me. i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about the time when we were us.

    ho sunwoo​






/* ------ right side ------ */

The red car raced down the road-

His mind was glued. Dark eyes flickered countless times over Mi-Rae’s handwriting on her assignment. One simple sentence that he was attempting to process in his mind. Something was stuck in there, taking residence and stealing vacancy as he tried to properly process the words before him. No matter how hard he tugged and pulled, it remained stuck. Dark orbs swiftly examined the date on top of Mi-Rae’s paper; sixteenth of November. Appa’s birthday.

The red car raced down the road-

A kaleidoscope of memories flooded his every being. Colour flooded each distinct moment they had together despite their living arrangements. Sitting in their living room, cherishing each meal that was prepared with thankful hearts. Lying in bed, listening to Appa’s cool, calming voice give his own rendition of that night’s fairy tale to soothe them to sleep. Watching Appa’s face light up with delight as he unravelled a poorly created birthday present, handcrafted by his young son. There were days he swore he could still hear his chuckle and feel the warmth of his embrace enveloping him as he fell into midnight slumbers. Appa was now wrapped in the stars, finding his treasures in the galaxies, and his grin now shining on the world to see, providing light in the dead of night. But it meant the colour in Sun-Woo’s world had faded into a sea of sepia as he continued on living life without the colour his Appa had embedded into his days.

The red car raced down the road-

He had to make sure everything would be perfect for Appa’s birthday. Weeks of labour produced only a handful of income to spend on this day. Once he finished at Mi-Rae’s, he planned on getting dressed in his finest clothes (which… happened to be his school uniform), buying a birthday cake, before spending the evening by his Appa’s side. His bag was filled with cleaning products he had borrowed from work which would allow his Appa’s tombstone to shine as brightly as his smile did. And while he didn’t have the necessary tools to ensure a clean grass tidy, he did bring a pair of kitchen scissors to trim up the weeds.

The red car raced down the road-

“Sunny-”

Mi-Rae’s hands clasped around his own caused Sun-Woo to jump slightly, startled as his train of deep, heavy thoughts were derailed. Eyes wide, almost scared that he had been caught being far away with the fairies, he looked at Mi-Rae with caution and curiosity. She shifted in her seat, explaining that he needed his view on a situation. Not just any type of view; a boyfriend view. Instantly, his cheeks flared into a hue of peach, and the heat radiating from them could toast a s’more. Sun-Woo waited with anxiety and anticipation – what exactly was Mi-Rae needing help with?

Words spilled from her mouth; Sun-Woo attempted to catch all that flowed from her lips despite only holding a mere pint glass. Things trickled down the sides of his glass, and he may have spilt some on the way too. And once Mi-Rae had finished speaking, he took that glass and gulped it down in a breath; his chest sore and his stomach queasy from the sudden influx of word vomit travelling through his system. But once it settled, the underlying question was obvious to him. What do you do if someone – not just anyone, but your girlfriend or boyfriend – buys you something that you don’t like. How do you respond?.

“Oh… Uh…” He paused for a moment, hoping to buy some more time. He wanted his words to be delicate, memorable, and to bring some ease to Mi-Rae’s heart. After all, he could feel her pulse thrashing through his hands on top of his own. “Honestly… I suppose it’d have to be where her heart was coming from” The words fell from his mouth in a slow beginners waltz, unsure of what he was saying was correct. However, after examination and reflection of his steps, his confidence grew and the dance continued. “If she bought me the jacket just because it was my birthday, and didn’t really put much thought into it, then it wouldn’t really be a gift. Gifts themselves are less to do what the actual item is, and more of a reflection of someone’s heart. If she bought it with good intentions, and heart wanting to bless, then I’d be overjoyed. No matter how ugly it is. Because the beauty of her heart outshines the appearance of the jacket”

Then again, Mi-Rae had asked this question to someone who had spent most of his days' dumpster diving through charity bins for a new outfit that would finally fit him with ease. If he was in that position that Mi-Rae was explaining, he wouldn’t even care how ugly the thing was just as long as it fit him. “Does… does that sort of help?” he questioned her, half expecting for her to turn around and mutter how utterly useless his answer had been. “I’m probably… I mean, really, you’re probably better off asking someone who has dated someone for longer, you know?”





/* ------ credit -- do not remove ------ */

© weldherwings.


 
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  • sunny days spent in our own little world we were princes and princesses, healers and knights. back when we made promises to stay together forever. it was a time i remember all too well; a time when we were us.

    kang mi-rae








His words were so sweet, so caring. It should have been absorbed as the very light her dark well of thoughts craved for. Positivity, after all, is what branded her soul so; her pride being able to craft diamonds out of crystalline tears and turn deep blues into a light waltzes. She was supposed to be the summer sun to other people's winter waves — always bright, never a twilight. The friend who countered your frowns with smiles sweet and encouraging, offering soul-composed stars to light up your black skies with. A luminescence you needed, wanted, to keep forever.

So, how come these thoughts clung so much to darkness instead?

Perhaps it was due her path nearing a crossroad she wasn't sure how to approach, one where each step could be a step further away from those she held dear. It was easy so far, to pretend she was still a kid with all the time in the world and nothing to be worried about. But things were changing right now; her friends and her currently stood on the threshold of life-defining eras, each with a dream, a vision of the future they wish to have. Mi-rae's future was never coloured by those shades materialistic or corporate. Instead, it highlighted the people she wish to keep and was afraid to lose.

And oh, how afraid she was to lose them.

It wasn't Sunny's fault at all nor did he give a bad insight — it was quite the opposite, actually — but the irrational always liked to twist the rational. How easily a fearful mind could spin words meant to soothe into something worth to panic even more about. Because, of course a boyfriend should focus more on the heart behind the present rather than the looks of it. Of course he would've cared about it if he cared about her. So, why didn't he? Did this indeed mean that their hearts were slowly distancing away from each other? That her boyfriend was starting to perceive a different future, one that didn't include her?

"No matter how ugly it is. Because the beauty of her heart outshines the appearance of the jacket”

That sentence... It melted and twisted her heart all the same. Mi-rae didn't want to ever admit this, but she felt envious then. Envious that it was Sun-woo uttering those words and not Jae. Envious because she knew her best friend was not thinking about her while saying something so sweet, so romantic. But that all was very wrong to feel, wasn't it? Both as friend and good person. It's why she pushed it down, right from the heart into the ground; buried it in a grave meant to be abandoned and forgotten.

It's why Mi-rae smiled back at her friend, despite feeling worse.

“Does… does that sort of help?”

"It does, thank you Sunny !!" She squeezed his hands with hers once more. "And that's not true !! Whether or not people have been dating long or not, their hearts beat with the same kind of love. So, any thought coming from it shouldn't be too different."

Mi-rae then giggled.

"Who knew our Sunny could be so romantic, though?? Oof, even my heart melted for a second -- you definitely earned some boyfriend points from a girl's perspective here!" presenting two thumbs up, she hoped to appear encouraging in a friend to friend way.

That's all what there was, anyway.... right?

Not wanting to linger too long on the topic of romance — something she thought she would never do — Mi-rae continued to change the subject.

"Anyway, how did I do??" her gaze dropped to the assignment. "Do you think I can pass the Suneung?"




 




/* ------ left side ------ */




/* ------ tabs ------ */









  • /* ------ sticky note letter ------ */
    i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about you and me. i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about the time when we were us.

    ho sunwoo​






/* ------ right side ------ */

Even though Mi-Rae etched a smile upon her face and ensured him that he had helped with his words, there was something itching away in the pits of his stomach that began to claw at him. Maybe he had gained this supernatural sense of Mi-Rae’s wellbeing from the moment they clasped hands and declared their friendship. Or maybe because he had spent many moons uttering lies just to pull the blanket over his head and pretend that all issues in life were non-existent. For whatever reason, he felt that her response was not one of full honesty. That like himself, something was clawing her insides and unsettling her.

However, it seemed like she had the knack of throwing him off the scent. She called him romantic; forget cooking s’mores on his face, we were out here cooking a well-done fillet steak. His tongue tied itself into many theoretical knots, enviably destroying his ability to spit out a coherent response. “I-… I’m not – You know – I-” his throat convulsed, creating an episode of tones and volumes that oddly resembled a newborn trying to babble for the first time. The two thumbs up brought no aid or assistance to his fumbling situation. The only thing that could bring him out of it was – once again – a change of discussion.

Do you think I can pass the Suneung?

And just like that, the issue was swept under the rug once more. The monster that had been on a terrorising rampage was now non-existent as Mi-Rae pulled the blankets up and over her head, curling up into a safe space. Instead of conquering the fears and battles in her life like the mighty warrior Sun-Woo saw her be, she was opting to ignore them.

“Oh – ah…” Sun-Woo turned his gaze back towards the paper, looking over that same damn sentence once more. The red car raced down the road as the police car pushed it. Well, it was… okay. They had been embarking on the hearing test, which was an incredibly essential part of the Suneung. Sun-Woo would say the sentence in English and Mi-Rae was the write it out as she heard it. This sentence, however, was not correct. “You ahh… You got this one wrong” Sun-Woo pointed out, placing his finger on the incorrect sentence. “You wrote pushed. Pushed. But it’s meant to be pursued.” He lightly explained, alternating between Korean and English to show her the different sounds each word created. “Pursued. It does sound a lot alike, as they both start with a P and end in and ed sound. So… I think we should focus a lot more on the hearing test portion in our next few study sessions. Let me just… note that down really quick”

Taking hold of his study diary, Sun-Woo gracefully lifted through the ruffled pages, filled with endless schedules. Pages where the whites of the pages barely spoke, overpowered by the boldness of the blue ballpoint pen. Finding a spot amongst the chaos of the lined paper, he promptly scribed down a reminder which simply stated ‘Mi-Rae: Hear’. Once written down, Sun-Woo closed the book with a soft touch, his attention moving back to his friend next to him. There was still something in the pits of his stomach that was urging him that something just wasn’t right. There was something that they had briefly touched but remained felt. Was he really in any sort of position to give out any further advice or to assume that something else was off? Probably not. But after Appa died, he had unconsciously decided that he wasn’t going to keep living life missing opportunities because of unspoken words.

“You know… If there’s anything-” he began to slowly and calmly relay to Mi-Rae until -

“Knock knock~!” A voice chimed from the doorway, followed by a gentle tap on the wooden frame. Mrs Kang leant against the frame, her eyes reflecting the wholeness and love that was swelling in her heart as she watched the two study together. “Dinner is about fifteen minutes away – Sun-Woo, did you want to stay and have a meal with us?”

Wait-

Sun-Woo’s head turned so quickly towards the clock that illuminated the small portion of the room he swore he could hear it crack back into alignment. All those years of neck pain from sleeping on the floor had vanished in a swift movement, hallelujah. The clock didn’t lie; time was starting to run out. If he didn’t get moving, the sun would beat him and kiss the shoreline before he could even gaze at Appa’s headstone. “Oh – I’ve… I’ve got –” he stuttered, turning back to Mrs Kang. As much as he hated coming across as somewhat disrespectful for not saying yes to dinner, he knew that she would understand his circumstances. “It’s Appa’s birthday today”

“Oh!” her eyes widened, her brain beginning to process. In their first meeting of this year, Sun-Woo had mentioned that his Appa was going okay. However, the conversation between the boy and mother was less to do with the words and more to do with the exchanged looks. She wasn’t sure what was going on with Sun-Woo’s Appa, but from the expression on the boy’s face, everything wasn’t okay. And so, she spoke up once more with a thrill of excitement in her voice “Well, let me serve you up some take away containers! Even if you don’t eat it tonight, you can save it for a night you don’t feel like cooking”

There was a slice of dignity left in Sun-Woo that wasn’t to say no, thank you. He felt like her offering such a sweet gesture was also putting her out in some sort of way. However, his mind began to crunch the numbers; if he said yes, then he could spend his dinner money on buying an actual good dessert rather than the discounted, on the verge of moulding one that he had kept his eye on for the last two weeks at work. So, for once, he allowed his walls to crumble. He allowed the vulnerability that came with accepting offerings and handouts to flood over him. “That would be wonderful… Thank you, Mrs Kang”





/* ------ credit -- do not remove ------ */

© weldherwings.


 
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  • sunny days spent in our own little world we were princes and princesses, healers and knights. back when we made promises to stay together forever. it was a time i remember all too well; a time when we were us.

    kang mi-rae








Was it foolish to try and hide these fears deep in the marrow of her bones when it was a known fact that her expressions were always telling enough without any dissection needed? Maybe, but it was the only viable option; anything else veered too close to spilling secrets she, herself, didn’t wish to uncover. It was a juxtaposition for sure, to have someone like her, brimming with verses, stay silent – but those words, delicate enough to have become vulnerable, just could not be uttered. Not to hana, not to jae, and especially not to Sunny. Yes, Mi-rae was afraid; she was so afraid that opening this tomb of fears and worries would breathe something into existence — a curse – and change everything. Afraid it would taint everything.

Sun-woo did come close to earning the key to this crypt of viced feelings and undead thoughts; the way his eyes enveloped her in a gaze soft and caring crumbled some of her initial defenses. It made her fake smile drop slightly as her mind paused its fabricated ignorance, and for a moment, her face revealed a glimpse of the somberness inside. Mi-rae hesitated, her heart reaching out towards the thought of having these worries be heard, because even she knew that, in time, it would maim her the most. Maybe Sun-woo would understand; he was her best friend after all, wasn’t he?

Her lips parted slightly, only to close immediately again when her mother entered the room, subsequently shattering the moment. And back was the carefree veneer in favour of not causing any worry in her mother, too; mrs kang already had gotten to see her daughter cry once today, any more and she might get concerned about the mental well-being. Mi-rae didn’t want that, didn’t wish for her mother to absorb the stress and worry over her so. Luckily, her mother seemed more occupied with Sun-woo to notice anything about her and Mi-rae escaped the attention.

Her expression mimicked that of her mother’s upon hearing the reason of his declination, eyes widening. The mention of his dad brought up conflicted feelings; a wave of resentment clashing with one of curiosity. Emotions coalesced with questions, creating a tempest that would not settle for nothing. Mi-rae disliked him for spreading lies and separating her and Sunny, but also wondered why he hated her when she had done nothing to him. From the stories Sun-woo had told back then involving his father, he never seemed like a cruel man. Instead, Mi-rae’s impression painted a picture of a father caring and kind. So, what had driven him to sever such a close bond between two children? And what were his feelings about it now that the two had reunited again? Above all, Mi-rae pondered if she could meet his father again; maybe to ask for an explanation, and maybe to smooth over the crinkles of the past, hoping it would gain the two a better future this time.

“Sunny,” she started after her mother left the room again to pack those dishes, voice carefully soft. “Do you think I can meet your dad again?” her fingers fuddled with the edges of her right sleeve as her gaze dropped to the desk. “It doesn’t have to be today, I understand wanting to spend the birthday alone with your dad but–” another breathe was taken. “ – I would like to meet him again, to...to maybe see if things can be different now.” her eyes met his again, lips pursing into a thinking line. “do you think that’s possible? or does he hate me– us, still?”




 




/* ------ left side ------ */




/* ------ tabs ------ */









  • /* ------ sticky note letter ------ */
    i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about you and me. i will never go back into your arms. but can't stop thinking about the time when we were us.

    ho sunwoo​






/* ------ right side ------ */

Why had he agreed?

His stomach was in knots, twisting and turning so tightly; he was tied down to an anchor that was dragging him deeper into the pits of Mariana’s trenches, consuming him in one gulp. That was the reason he had agreed. Whilst living so long in a state of drowning, he had to come to the realisation that there was only one way he could free himself from the guilt that dragged him into the belly of his anxieties. He had to let Mi-Rae help him untie the knot. He had to let her guide him back up to the surface to inhale that sweet oxygen his lungs were aching for. He had to let her know what happened to Appa.

Since their reunion, he had been tip-toeing around it. He had been covering his lies with only further lies. He was digging his own grave with each fib that slipped past his lips and was continuing to bury himself as he denied any sort of help. But as he had stared at his friend in her room today, he unconsciously echoed in his mind one thing; he wasn’t going to keep living life missing opportunities because of unspoken words. Mi-Rae had asked about his Appa. It was his opportunity. His chance to finally come clean and to release this burden that had been weighing him down since the moment they had reunited in that library together for their first tutoring lesson.

Sun-Woo had been silent the whole walk from Mi-Rae’s house to the nearby convenience store. His tongue felt numb, and his throat tight. He did manage to strangle out to his friend that they were here to pick up a cake for his Appa so they could sing Happy Birthday to him. Once inside the store, he spent almost a bit too much time just staring at the lovely desserts on display, but not actually taking any of it. The well-dressed cakes and flourishing cupcakes were a taunting reminder of how money ruled his life as he calculated his expenses. The sound of his phone chiming brought him back down from the clouds, redirecting his attention back to the goal at hand.

The small dessert decorated with strawberries of petite sizes and a colourful icing that spelled out ‘happy birthday’ was safely in his hands as they continued with their journey. It was just another bus ride, followed by another ten-minute walk. As he gazed out of the window of the bus, he observed the scenery as they passed. The tall skyscrapers, well-kept stores and streets, and the Bentleys grew scarcer as they travelled towards their destination. The life of the rich and well-off faded before them, consumed by the image of beggars and houses made of tin roofs and assorted wood pieces. The packaged meal Mrs Kang had prepared for him began to feel heavy in his lap, and the jacket Mi-Rae had insisted he should take as a gift felt warm against his skin. Sun-Woo swallowed thickly, feeling embarrassment wash over him as his friend was beginning to see the state of the neighbourhood he lived in, in comparison to hers.

Finally, they were off the bus.

Onwards with their travel, but on foot this time. The frosty air nipped at their nose tips and cheeks as they walked against the light afternoon breeze. They came at a familiar crossroads, causing him to pause for a moment; one to the right would lead them to Sun-Woo’s childhood household. The neighbourhood that Mi-Rae and her mother would often visit to hand out free clothing, provide food, and help assist those who needed hair cuts and odd jobs done. However, it was now a road less travelled, and the one on the left was their endgame. Instead of leading towards the familiar path of his past, Sun-Woo took the path that led them to the left, whilst in complete silence. He continued the path which guided them into a small, secluded park. It was empty apart from an old couple who sat on the bench nearby, gazing upon the field of green grass before them with a smile of contentment.

As they walked the path of the park, it was beginning to become drastically clear that this was no simple park for children to come and burn energy, or for adults to walk their dogs. Plagues embedded into the ground spoke woeful stories of heartache and loss. This was a healing place for those who were stuck in a state of grief, and a resting place for those wondering souls. Sun-Woo came to a pause before a large oak tree; fabric wish ribbons, chimes and bird feeders hung upon the branches, swaying lightly in harmony with the breeze. A pewter gravestone stood at the base of the tree, standing proudly with its declaration of this person’s resting spot;

Ho Sung-Ki
DEC 2, 1971 ~ FEB 21, 2020
A fighter until the end
Pain-free in the arms of his Father​

It was at that moment that Sun-Woo realised he had been holding onto his breath for God knows how long. A long, shaky exhale left his body; his lips felt numb from holding on for so long. Placing the plastic bag containing the leftovers and dessert onto the floor, and sliding his own backpack as well, Sun-Woo respectfully came to a kneel upon the lush grass. He could feel the condensation that sat upon the blades seep through his pants, tickling his skin underneath. This was it; that guilt, that weight upon his shoulders. He could almost feel it slowly lifting, evaporating and clinging to the dust particles that drifted aimlessly into the never-ending nothing of the world around them.

“Appa,” Sun-Woo spoke, his voice soft and accompanied by a quiver. “Happy Birthday, Appa. I… I bought a friend with me, if that’s okay… to come and have some birthday cake with us”






/* ------ credit -- do not remove ------ */

© weldherwings.


 
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