Sir Swigglesworth
I got two brain cells fighting for third place
Dark humor is just like a child with cancer, it doesn't grow old.
Other The Dark Humor Thread
- Thread starter The Omen of Death
- Start date
Stoned Alone
New Member
Why is Michael Phelps better than Adolf Hitler?
Phelps can actually finish off a race.
What's the difference between a washing machine and a baby?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you drop a load in it.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, pretty big word for a 12-year old.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
Phelps can actually finish off a race.
What's the difference between a washing machine and a baby?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you drop a load in it.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile, pretty big word for a 12-year old.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
Last edited:
adrian_
julie my beloved 🥰
Whats the difference between a 13 year old boy and a freezer? The freezer doesnt cry when you put your meat in it.
AfroKats
New Member
Goddamn!
Axel The Englishman
The Holy Crusader
What did the 9th of August, 1945 teach me?
Second time’s a charm.
Second time’s a charm.
SandraDeelightful
Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really… we just tell them they're going to die."
The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really… we just tell them they're going to die."
The Omen of Death
My presence has marked your eventual demise.
If I had 1 dollar for every gender...
I would have $1.77
I would have $1.77
Hopeless Wanderer
New Member
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
Say what you will about pedophiles, but they do drive slower through school zones.
What is it called when an illegal immigrant fights a pedophile?
Alien vs Predator
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes...
God I love dark humor, I've got so much more to offer, haha!
Say what you will about pedophiles, but they do drive slower through school zones.
What is it called when an illegal immigrant fights a pedophile?
Alien vs Predator
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes...
God I love dark humor, I've got so much more to offer, haha!
Sir Swigglesworth
I got two brain cells fighting for third place
Pedophiles are great people, they always watch out for kids.
Sir Swigglesworth
I got two brain cells fighting for third place
Fuck man, I'm not racist. I own a colored tv for christs sake.
Sir Swigglesworth
I got two brain cells fighting for third place
Ya know, people give rednecks a lot of shit about incest. My sister is a great mother you assholes.
Sir Swigglesworth
I got two brain cells fighting for third place
My sister is having a sleep over tonight so I guess I'll be sleeping like a rabbit. Going from hole to hole to hole.
myfanwy
forever tilted
Juliette
gon be a lil inactive
holy fuck i've found my people
Sir Swigglesworth
I got two brain cells fighting for third place
Welcome
billthesomething
Four Thousand Club
Postman Pat
Postman Pat
Will Beat Your Cat
With a Baseball Bat
Postman Pat
Will Beat Your Cat
With a Baseball Bat
billthesomething
Four Thousand Club
What did the Boston Marathon bombers do what Hitler couldn't?
Ended a race.
How Many babies does it take to paint a house?
It depends on how hard you throw them!
Girls are like blackjack...
I'm always going for 21 but I always end up hitting on 14
Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?
Anyone that can run jump or swim has already crossed the border.
What breaks when you give it to a 5-year-old?
Her hip.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, which one hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stops the emo.
How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
Three in the back, Two in the front, and the rest in the ashtray.
Ended a race.
How Many babies does it take to paint a house?
It depends on how hard you throw them!
Girls are like blackjack...
I'm always going for 21 but I always end up hitting on 14
Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?
Anyone that can run jump or swim has already crossed the border.
What breaks when you give it to a 5-year-old?
Her hip.
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, which one hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stops the emo.
How do you fit 100 Jews in a car?
Three in the back, Two in the front, and the rest in the ashtray.
The Omen of Death
My presence has marked your eventual demise.
My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday.
So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.... Thought I was taking this in a whole different direction? So did she.
So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.... Thought I was taking this in a whole different direction? So did she.
The Omen of Death
My presence has marked your eventual demise.
So I was eating this bitch out...
When all of a sudden I tasted horse semen. I stopped and said, “Damn grandma, so that's how you died...”
When all of a sudden I tasted horse semen. I stopped and said, “Damn grandma, so that's how you died...”
billthesomething
Four Thousand Club
So, i used to know this necrophile who was dating this older gent
so one day asked him, why you dating the older guy.
He told me he was waiting
capMARVELOUS
Yeah
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I cry when I cut up an onion.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What do you call a gay man in a wheelchair? Rolaids.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What do you call a gay man in a wheelchair? Rolaids.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
billthesomething
Four Thousand Club
“You da bomb!”
“No, you da bomb!”
In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
Do you know what the man with no hands got for Christmas?
well, don't look at me, I have yet to see the asshole open it!
My grandfather passed away with the heart of a lion
The zookeepers weren't sure who to shoot
My grandfather died in a concentration camp
He fell off a guard tower
If Hitler had been a feminist, what kind of political system would he have come up with?
A dickhatership!
If the earth spun ten times faster, then I'd have more money and every woman on the planet will have died of blood loss
A blind woman I used to date told me she was seeing someone
I wasn't sure how to interpret this
so I shot her just in case
“No, you da bomb!”
In America – a compliment. In the Middle East – an argument.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.
Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
Do you know what the man with no hands got for Christmas?
well, don't look at me, I have yet to see the asshole open it!
My grandfather passed away with the heart of a lion
The zookeepers weren't sure who to shoot
My grandfather died in a concentration camp
He fell off a guard tower
If Hitler had been a feminist, what kind of political system would he have come up with?
A dickhatership!
If the earth spun ten times faster, then I'd have more money and every woman on the planet will have died of blood loss
A blind woman I used to date told me she was seeing someone
I wasn't sure how to interpret this
so I shot her just in case
billthesomething
Four Thousand Club
How does every Islamic joke start? Well, first of all by looking over your shoulder.
Why is it called PMS?
Cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
How did the rabbi circumcise the hillbilly?
He kicked his mother in the jaw!
What do you call a nine-year-old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her Six Brothers?
A virgin
How do you kill a retard?
Give him a knife and ask whose special!
Why is it called PMS?
Cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken!
How did the rabbi circumcise the hillbilly?
He kicked his mother in the jaw!
What do you call a nine-year-old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her Six Brothers?
A virgin
How do you kill a retard?
Give him a knife and ask whose special!
SandraDeelightful
Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. But personally, I find going through his ribcage a lot easier.
Sir Swigglesworth
I got two brain cells fighting for third place
So I saw an african american man who was arrested for attempting to violate a male gorilla, personally I didn't see anything wrong. It was just one ape trying assert dominance over another.
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