NerdyNurse_Who
New Member
Ah, the hilarity.
I think I’m done for now.
I think I’m done for now.
Other The Dark Humor Thread
- Thread starter The Omen of Death
- Start date
capMARVELOUS
Yeah
NerdyNurse_Who
New Member
I couldn’t resist more...
capMARVELOUS
Yeah
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals? To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Him: I work with animals every day!
Her: Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?
Him: I'm a butcher.
A woman removes polish with chemicals, nobody bats an eye. Hitler removes Polish with chemicals, everybody loses their shit.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the fetus inside her have in common? They're both thinking "Oh shit, Mom is gonna kill me."
Knock knock.
Him: I work with animals every day!
Her: Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?
Him: I'm a butcher.
A woman removes polish with chemicals, nobody bats an eye. Hitler removes Polish with chemicals, everybody loses their shit.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the fetus inside her have in common? They're both thinking "Oh shit, Mom is gonna kill me."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.9/11 who?
You said you would never forget...
NerdyNurse_Who
New Member
Over and over again.
NerdyNurse_Who
New Member
NerdyNurse_Who
New Member
Last one, promise!
capMARVELOUS
Yeah
NerdyNurse_Who
New Member
Akhdas
Junior Member
does laughing at depressed people counts as dark humor?
The Omen of Death
My presence has marked your eventual demise.
Hey everyone, I didn't have the time and energy to keep this going, but now I have reinvigorated my mood to get laughs out of this and seeing our dark fucked up minds at work, it was great to see people enjoying this and now I want to hopefully get this going again, so I hope to start this 2nd round of the Dark Humor thread! So I will start this off with a new joke! Come one and all and send us all to hell with your hilarious dark humor!
So here's my joke,
Killing black people is like saying the N word...
Black people do it all the time but get angry when a white person joins in.
So here's my joke,
Killing black people is like saying the N word...
Black people do it all the time but get angry when a white person joins in.
Sleek
Show me a good time, Jack!
So santa walks into a children's hospital, and asks a kid what he wants for christmas.
The kid replies "I want more than two months to live!"
The kid replies "I want more than two months to live!"
Soleil
Collect Beautiful Moments
This thread is amazing!
Maki
Ten Thousand Club
SandraDeelightful
Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cool.
To keep the vegetables cool.
The Omen of Death
My presence has marked your eventual demise.
What's the difference between Me and Cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer
My dad didn't beat cancer
jes123
New Member
T
LocoMetal
I'm here to shank and smile!
I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.
I'm not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don't have a good story behind it, I'm just reasonable.
When I die I want it to be on my terms. Peaceful. Surrounded by my friends and family, in a house fire.
I'm not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don't have a good story behind it, I'm just reasonable.
When I die I want it to be on my terms. Peaceful. Surrounded by my friends and family, in a house fire.
The Omen of Death
My presence has marked your eventual demise.
Well I didn’t expect this to make a comeback! So i’ll post something here again:
The FBI had an open position for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.
The FBI had an open position for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.'
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.'
Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.
Zeppelin
Random-Mind
Hiroshima guy : I love shiitake mushrooms
Nagasaki gurl : I like enoki mushrooms
America : cool, I just send the mushrooms
Nagasaki gurl : I like enoki mushrooms
America : cool, I just send the mushrooms
LocoMetal
I'm here to shank and smile!
My sister tried having a baby to "save the relationship".
I still don't talk to her.
About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, "Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?"
I got a call yesterday. It was the best news I've ever heard. It made my day. But then... I got another call. It was my brother, he said "Dad died in a car crash".
I said "I know, mom just called me".
I still don't talk to her.
About a month ago some kids in my neighborhood were playing hide-and-go-seek and one of them ended up in an abandoned refrigerator. It's all anybody talked about for weeks. I said, "Who cares? How many kids you know get to die a winner?"
I got a call yesterday. It was the best news I've ever heard. It made my day. But then... I got another call. It was my brother, he said "Dad died in a car crash".
I said "I know, mom just called me".
LocoMetal
I'm here to shank and smile!
My girlfriend wants me to choke her while we're having sex. But I say, what's wrong with while we're having dinner?
I buried my grandmother last year. It was devastating for my grandfather. He's still really mad at me.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I buried my grandmother last year. It was devastating for my grandfather. He's still really mad at me.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!” They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
The Omen of Death
My presence has marked your eventual demise.
I feel bad for Anne Frank, first she gets her diary published which is every girls worst nightmare then she doesn’t make any money from it which is every jews worst nightmare
capMARVELOUS
Yeah
i offended two people today by calling them hipsters. apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
Corrosion
ur lite fades awey
What's the best gift for a child with no arms? Nothing, because he wouldn't be able to open it anyway.
It's really hard to break up if your girlfriend is Japanese because you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
British and American English have different words for the same thing. For instance, in Britain, it's called school, and in America, it's called shooting range.
What do yeast and people from Alabama have in common? Both are in bread.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job, but if you do it at home, you're destroying evidence.
People find it amazing that my grandfather survived Auschwitz. I don't find it so hard to believe, since most German officers did.
9/11 jokes are just plane wrong on so many levels.
I ran over three disabled kids today. Cripple kill.
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
These jokes should make me feel bad. Thankfully, they don't, because my whole life is one big joke.
It's really hard to break up if your girlfriend is Japanese because you have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
British and American English have different words for the same thing. For instance, in Britain, it's called school, and in America, it's called shooting range.
What do yeast and people from Alabama have in common? Both are in bread.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job, but if you do it at home, you're destroying evidence.
People find it amazing that my grandfather survived Auschwitz. I don't find it so hard to believe, since most German officers did.
9/11 jokes are just plane wrong on so many levels.
I ran over three disabled kids today. Cripple kill.
A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."
These jokes should make me feel bad. Thankfully, they don't, because my whole life is one big joke.
