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Fantasy T R O I A: Slayers vs Whisperers [OOC]

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Atrox: *slowly pushes a cannon into a 17th century bank* Okay everyone, be cool. This is a robbery.
~
Dawnbreaker: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.
~
Dawnbreaker after realziing half of his friends are Whisperers: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.
~
Kavi: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it’s so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.
~
Veronica: All of your existences are confusing.
The Squad: How so?
Veronica: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.
 
Zabyne: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".
~
Luella: I don't follow the rules. I follow dogs on social media.
~
Dawnbreaker: What do you call disobeying the law?
The Squad: A hobby.
Dawnbreaker: *crosses their arms*
The Squad: That we do not engage in.
~
Kavi: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?
~
Veronica: My expectations were on the floor and you brought a shovel.
 
According to Dawn Mythical Creatures existing is against his code so...they gotta go.
Okay, if killing Mythical Creatures is immoral, then surely selling them is fine right? They're perfectly alive.
 
Dawnbreaker: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”
~
Pascal: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.
Pascal: *upends the bottle*
~
Pascal: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!
~
Atrox: Assert your dominance over your friends by kicking them in the face, and then giving them a little smooch on the forehead!
 
Kavi: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!
~
Pascal: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.
~
Dawnbreaker: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.
~
Ansley: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.
Ansley: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.
 
Pascal: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.
~
Luella: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
~
Zabyn: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.
~
Arquen: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it.
Arquen: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.
~
Atrox: A fistfight CAN be romantic.
 
*The squad is over at Dawnbreaker's house*
Atrox: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?
Dawnbreaker: ... N-No...
Dawnbreaker, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???
Atrox, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!
Pascal: I see a-
Dawnbreaker, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.
Atrox: Oh, well I-
Dawnbreaker: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*
Dawnbreaker, amazed: Its got a bake setting!
Nimi: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!
Veronica: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?
Dawnbreaker: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!
Dawnbreaker: I am someone who owns four ovens...
Dawnbreaker, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...
Dawnbreaker: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...
Zabyn, knowing exactly what is going on and egging it on, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!
Dawnbreaker:
Atrox: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!
Dawnbreaker:
Dawnbreaker, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS
 
*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*
Veronica: No, you don't
Pascal: A terrible decision, really
Nimi: *cries* I love you too
Atrox: Sounds fake but okay
Dawnbreaker: *A flustered mess*
Zabyn: can i get a refund
 
Atrox: Rules are made to be broken.
Dawnbreaker: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Pascal: Uh, piñatas.
Nimi: Glow sticks.
Veronica: Karate boards.
Zabyn: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Atrox: Rules.
Dawnbreaker:
 
Dawnbreaker: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Atrox: Okay, but what is updog?
Pascal: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Nimi: Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Veronica: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Zabyn: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Dawnbreaker: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Nimi: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Pascal: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Atrox: What’s a henway??
Dawnbreaker: Oh, about five pounds.
 
Dawnbreaker, trying to convince Atrox to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!
Ansley: And loud!
Pascal: And grumpy!
Ignette: And oblivious to reality!
Atrox:
 
[The group is a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]
Dawnbreaker: Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of... 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake
WisteriaRomance: You're in a prison cell :)
Nimi: You did great. Well, I got a 10-
WisteriaRomance: You're in a prison cell with bars on it :3
Atrox: I got a 1!
WisteriaRomance: You're in... a cube-shaped place.
 
Arquen: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it.
Arquen: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.
When you do the dirty work for everyone as a merc and get headcanoned as a prissy noble 😂✊
 
Atrox: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.
Dawn: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.
Pascal: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?
Atrox: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.
~
Dawnbreaker: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Atrox: Not if they consent to it.
Pascal: Depends who you’re stabbing.
Nimi: YES?!?
~
*Dawnbreaker's helping Atrox out after they get injured, while the others are watching*
Ansley: How does Atrox look?
Pascal: A little better than you, actually.
 
Zabyn, to Dawnbreaker: My life is in the hands of an idiot!
Dawnbreaker, motioning to himself and Atrox: No no no no no, TWO idiots!
~
Atrox: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?
Zabyn: How am I supposed to know?
Dawn: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.
Zabyn: *sighs*
Zabyn: You wouldn't be trapped.
 
Dawnbreaker: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Atrox: The car takes a screenshot
~
The Squad: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail
Kavi: No it’s my fault, I shouldn’t’ve used my one phone call to prank call the police
 

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