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School Daze

So surprised at the full sentences that were falling out of the boy's mouth, Tegan almost didn't soak up the pause in between; his mind split in half. One side was paying attention to Quin, the other to more pressing matters.


Almost.


"Didn't want to end up like..." his fingers gripped around the red binding in his pocket. Curiosity, and a dark hostility settled over him. What was he going to say? Say it. Say it!


"What were you going to say?" He asked, his eyes snapping towards the boy. He stopped walking, standing a few feet away from the kids behind them. The sound of their laughter rang in his ear, his hearing slicing in two.
 
He caught it. Of course he caught it. Quinlan looked at the ground, stopped next to Tegan. His hands twisting his sleeves over and over. He didn't think he could say it.


"M-My, um, my, my b-birth, u-um, m-m-mother." He said quietly. The stuttering was back an Quin almost wished it wasn't.


He had no idea how Tegan was going to react and Quin was almost afraid to find out. He hadn't even told him why it was a bad thing, but it was.


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Tegan loosened his grip on the notebook, trailing his finger over the edge of the pages. He'd grown a strange habit over the past few months of feeling the sides of the red binding. The rough surface seeming to calm him slightly. He let his joints ease. "What's so bad about your mom? You wouldn't be here without her." How did those words sneak into my mouth?


Tegan faced the boy, his head cocked slightly to the side, white hair fell over the side of his face. Licking his checks. He thought about his birth mom, and how she'd brought him up into a world of nothing. Take, take, take is all anyone ever did to Tegan. His father took his trust and shoved it down his throat, walking out on the mother and son. His mother took his dignity by marrying that pig. That pig took his life. That life is still being lived, with nothing. Nothing... except Quinlan.
 
Quinlan didn't look up at Tegan. Of course he didn't understand, no one did. He held his breath for a moment, he hating thinking about what his life would have been like if things had gone differently.


"I-I al-almost died b-because of h-her." Quin mumbled after a moment. "Sh-She w-was a, um, a drug addict a-and, um--." He didn't think he could tell Tegan the next part. He never talked about it and he never thought about it either.


"A-And I-I, um, I was born, um, a-addicted t-to, to heroin." He said quickly. "CPS took me away and put me into foster care as soon as they knew I would live, I, um, I ended up with dad and then he adopted me."


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Listening to Quin's words made the man almost cringe. His heart sank, so deep, he thought it would fall into the black bit in his stomach. Tegan let go of the red binding in his pocket, letting his hands fall loosely to his sides. He stared at Quin with genuine compassion, his brows turned up in worry. He felt terrible for asking, now knowing what this lad must have gone through. Without warning, the taller man grabbed Quin by the shirt and pulled him to his chest. He lifted a hand to his cheek, holding him loosely in his arms. "I'm glad they took you away." He murmured into his brown locks, taking in his scent. I wish someone would take me away...


Tegan felt tears prick the insides of his eyes, knowing well what it was like to be and addict, and to live with one. His body shook as he held the boy, memories and thoughts whipping around his head like angry bees, slicing into his flesh with their poisonous stingers. He felt the urge to hawk up his own terrible secrets. Why? Why now? Why in the presence of this boy, did Tegan want to speak about the unspeakable? How could one even process something like this without asking so many questions? Was it normal, to just understand someone's problems?


Tears fell over the top of Quin's head, an uncontrollable spout turned on. "I don't think I can imagine what would have happened if you stayed, Quinlan." He said softly, trying to cover up his own emotions by omitting his sympathy.
 
Quinlan gasped when Tegan suddenly pulled him close. He felt his heart skip a beat as Tegan hugged him. He had not been expecting that. Tegan started to shake and Quin got worried. When he slowly looked up at him, he saw tears. He felt bad. He shouldn't have told him, he started to feel upset about saying it.


"Hey, it's okay." He told him softly. He started to think that maybe it wasn't what he said, but something in his own life that was causing Tegan to start to break down. He gently, timidly, wiped Tegan's tears from his face. "Are you okay?" He asked him. He was concerned about him. He kept saying he was okay, but his actions didn't seem to back it up.
 
Soft fingers brushed against his bruised cheek, making Tegan suck air through his teeth sharply. The sudden display of affection that he'd planted on Quin made his stomach tie in knots. He felt a tug at his chest, like something had placed a seed inside the gaping hole in his belly. Something would start to grow soon, something amazing. Was it reassurance? Was it compassion? Could it be, that this boy, was the key to finding his own Sanity? Tegan leaned into the timid touch, enjoying the slight burn of someone's fingertips against his face. He'd never had a person put their hands on him in a gentle way, always being forceful and angry. What is he doing to me? He was surprised to see the smaller boy so calm at this point.


Look at yourself. A waste of a man. You think he really cares?


He looked at Quin, eyes overflowing with salt water. "I'm..." He paused, trying to form his feelings into words. Was he okay? Did he really need to tell Quinlan, everything? "I don't know anymore Quin..."
 
Quinlan carefully pushed Tegan's hair from his face. He wanted to make Tegan feel okay, but he had absolutely no idea how to do that. Then he said he didn't know. Quin continued to gently wipe the tears from the other's face, careful of where he was hurt. He was going to try his hardest to help him.


"It's gonna be okay." He told him softy. He still had no idea what was going on, but he knew that things couldn't stay bad forever. They just couldn't, could they?


A thought passed through his head about how this was the closest he had been to someone both physically and emotionally in a long time. His heart started to race a little faster, but he tried to keep his mind focused on trying to help Tegan.
 
The white haired boy leaned down, cupping his palms to both sides of Quin's face. Their noses brushed together, making red burn along his face. He had no idea what he was doing, or why he was doing it. This boy, seemed to take something from deep inside him, and bring it to the surface. What was it? What was this strange filling that seemed to bloom inside his gut?


When Quin spoke, Tegan's face almost fell. It wouldn't be okay. It would never be okay, not after Friday.


"Don't hate me later." He said, and pressed his lips gently to Quinlan's mouth. He didn't care that it felt wrong, because it seemed right. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man tightly, craving the affection with everything he had.
 
Quin's face flushed red when Tegan cupped it. He wasn't sure what to do, but he wasn't going to run. He couldn't run this time, that was what he did all the time. He was tired of running from everything.


Then he said something that confused Quinlan. He almost asked why he would hate him. However, Tegan's mouth covered his and his words got stuck in his mouth. His heart really started to race as he realized what was going on. His mind blanked and his body went on autopilot. His hands moved from Tegan's face and wrapped around his neck. He leaned into the kiss, still somewhat timid about the whole thing. He never knew how to act around anyone and this was completely new.
 
When Quin's arms wrapped around the nape of his neck, he pressed his lips to his mouth a little tighter. His hands fell to the small of Quin's back, pressing him tightly to his chest. The feeling of another, someone who he enjoyed, calmed his mind. He sank into the kiss, savoring the taste of the boy. It made his chest ring with the sound of his racing heart. His face was now flushed completely red, his ears burning with compassion as he gently continued to move his mouth over Quinlan's. He ran his tongue under the boy's bottom lip, breathing lightly against his chin. he moved his lips down Quin's jaw, lightly pecking his soft skin.


"Oh my god is that Tegan??" He heard the rush of laughter, his head shooting up towards a group who had been blocks away, eating ice cream earlier. He pushed away from Quin, quickly, shoving his hands in his pocket before moving forward. He pinned his gaze on the trees in front of them, skin boiling with a new-found anger. Why is he doing this to me? I'm not gay, I can't be. I can't be...


The confusion was back again, kicking the warm full feeling he'd had completely into the darkness. The pit around his heart grew, his trust in people sinking as the chatter of the teenagers behind them continued.


"I didn't know he was a I'm uncultured! Who's that kid with him?" Jeremy Hunts


"That's Quinlan, I knew he had to be gay" Yesenia Garcia


"Didn't Tegan blow chunks in the Library!?" Caleb Went.


"Yes, gross! And that guy just kissed him?" Yesenia Garcia


"Gag!" Ophelia Ram


Their names repeated in his head as he stopped, waiting for Quin to move with him, clenching his fists.
 
Quinlan's heart was pounding hard in his chest, harder than it ever had before. His entire body had this weird feeling that he couldn't explain. Then he heard it. The people behind them. Tegan pushed away and Quin looked down at the ground. He looked up to see Tegan walking away. Of course now would be the time that people knew his name. No one ever knew it before, why now?


He started to feel sick when the kept talking. He never did good with people talking about him, it didn't matter if it was good or not. It took him a moment, but he moved and started to walk with Tegan.


He waited until they were far from the group of people to try and say something. "Are you okay?" He asked, barely a whisper. He guessed Tegan was mad, his hands turning into fists sort of gave that away, and he didn't want to make it worse.
 
The soft sound of Quin's voice ripped Tegan from his thoughts. Thoughts of unpleasant enraged actions he wish he could take. He glanced sideways from under white eyelashes, his yellow-green eyes pinning on the other's small face. Was he okay? No. How many times would he be asked this? What was it about Tegan that attracted so much attention from others. Was it his hair? His weight? Could it be the disgusting darkness that swam in his pupils? "No, Quin, I'm not okay." he spat. The tone in his voice was sharp, almost slashing his own heart.


"Now everyone knows... about whatever this is." he said using his hand to gesture between both of them. He sighed, knowing he wasn't being fair. "I'm sorry." He said, referring to himself. Referring to the kiss, to the confusion, to his slipping sanity. He was sorry for everything he was, and everything that would happen in time.


He knew the school would be full of their 'scandal', and he wasn't sure he was ready for that kind of ridicule. He wasn't ready to see Quin in that kind of a situation, with his timid mind-set the teenagers would rip him to shreds in the hallways. A pang of guilt welled in his mouth, making him loosen his fist and slip his fingers between Quin's again. He wouldn't let this boy drown in the pool of darkness that Tegan had built around them, he wouldn't allow him to sink with the gossip that would be spreading like wildfire. He could already feel their thumbs trailing over their electronic devises, telling everyone the scene they'd just witnessed. After a long while of walking hand in hand in silence, Tegan's voice broke the barrier of white-noise. "If anyone gives you trouble, give me their names." He said, staring straight forward, his pupils like daggers as he imagined the faces of their fellow peers.
 
Quinlan flinched when Tegan answered him. He didn't look up at the other after that. He shouldn't have asked that question. He should have just known that Tegan wasn't okay. After all Quin didn't feel okay. He knew that everyone would know by tomorrow and he didn't want to know how they would take it. If that group was any indication, it wouldn't be good.


After a moment, he felt Tegan's hand around his again. It was still a bit weird, but it felt nice so Quin let his fingers curl lightly around Tegan's. The silence was okay this time, he definitely preferred it over what would probably happen tomorrow. He had this feeling that he would no longer be invisible, even though he wanted to be. Then he heard what Tegan said, breaking the silence, he looked up at him to see Tegan staring straight ahead.


"Okay." He almost didn't want to go to school now.
 
It took them quite a while to reach their street, the sun barely peaking above the white houses that lined the two blocks. The difference between their sides of Greenwood drive was night and day. The right side cluttered with broken homes, singed with peeling paint and piles of discarded garbage, Tegan's block. While the other side was content and clean, no peeling shutters or broken windows, no secrets to be kept. Tegan could feel the fear sinking deep in his chest as he walked with the boy. He tried to stall his inevitable fate, by gripping hold of Quin's hand tightly, and meandering to the small kid's side of the street. He passed 205, 207,...209. They kept going. "I'll walk you to your door." He insisted, his hands trembling, giving away his burning feelings. He was afraid to step foot in his own house, a home where all hell broke loose. A home where the devil lay with a bottle of whiskey in one hand, and a colt in the other. A prison.
 
Quinlan kept his head down as they walked. When they made it to their street, he looked up. He looked down the road and saw that his dad wasn't home yet. Right, he was working late tonight. Was Tegan--? Quinlan glanced down at their entwined hands and he confirmed that Tegan was shaking a little bit. Was he scared? Quinlan wasn't sure. He just nodded at what Tegan said.


Slowly they made it to his house and he walked up the steps to the porch. He almost didn't want Tegan to go. "Thank you." He said quietly. He knew Tegan didn't have to walk him all the way to his door, but he did. He almost asked if Tegan wanted to join him for dinner because he would be alone otherwise, but he didn't. He wasn't sure how Tegan would react to it and he was sort of scared to know.
 
The white haired boy refused to drop his finger's away from Quin's hand. Even when the boy ascended the stairs did Tegan keep their palms locked, his arm stretching forward, almost glued to him. He could feel the fear reaching up through his rips, twining around his collarbones and sinking deep into the back of his head. The sickening feeling was back, but he fought the urge to gag. He knew what waited for him directly across the street. At 208 Greenwood drive there lay a pig, one who would be the deciding factor of events to come. He almost asked Quin if he could go inside with him, almost. He looked down at his feet, finally letting his hand fall to his side. He walked up the steps and took the boy's face between his palms once more before planting a kiss along his forehead.


What did this mean? Were they together? Or was this just a phase Tegan was going through?


He stood, rooted to the spot, his limbs still quivering as he shot glances back at the sad building he'd have to enter soon. Today was Wednesday. Tomorrow would be Thursday... then Friday. "Goodnight Quin." He said softly, handing over the boy's book-bag, and slowly walking across the street.
 
Quinlan closed his eyes when Tegan placed a kiss on his forehead. He took his bag after Tegan gave it to him. He watched Tegan go, trying not to think that he was afraid of going home. It wasn't working, that seemed to be the only logical reason as to why Tegan seemed scared right now.


"T-Tegan?" He called after a moment of watching the other go. He wasn't sure how to continue though. He should have thought this through. "D-Do y-you, um, do you want to, um, join me for, um, for dinner?" He asked. If Tegan said yes it would be the first time he had anyone over. "I mean, um, you don't, you don't have to, it's just that--." Just that what? He had no idea if he was being honest.
 
Tegan stared straight at the grey-mouthed house, it's chipped siding glaring back at him. One of the windows near his bedroom had been stomped out, glass littering the lawn. He watched the slivers of light dance off the gleaming shards. The way the sun broke across the long opaque shards made his stomach tie in a knot. It hadn't been like that before he left. Jase must have been past a black-out, and now in a built up fit of rage. Once Tegan stepped through the white screen door in front of him, his face would be smashed in... or worse.


Quin's small voice ripped his attention from the weed-cluttered garden, his head snapping back up. He was standing in the middle of the street, his black Letterman jacket baggy on his ever shrinking frame. Dinner, a real proper meal, sounded nice. The thought felt pleasant in his heavy mind. He blinked once, somewhat surprised at the offer. "Yes." He said, and turned on his heal, stalking back up the well-kept stairs. The knot in his guts had loosened, knowing he could put off going inside further. "I'd love to stay with you." He said with a small smile, his yellow-green eyes untouched by the gratitude he felt. Maybe if I stay long enough, Jase will be asleep by the time I go home. Maybe...
 
Quinlan held his breath until Tegan answered. He smiled just a bit, sort of glad that he had said yes. He pulled out his key from his bag and unlocked the front door. He hadn't thought Tegan would say yes and now he wasn't sure what to do. As soon as he opened the door, he heard the deep barking and smiled a little bit. He took his shoes off and bent down to pet the rather large dog that come to meet them. However, the dog seemed more interested in Tegan.


"This is Bear." He told him with a small smile. Bear was good about not jumping on people, he just sniffed at Tegan. Quin set his bag down on the stairs and Bear sat in front of Tegan, as if telling him to pet him. "Sorry about him, he sort of likes attention." He said. His voice was still quiet, but for some reason he wasn't stuttering. Maybe it was because he felt more comfortable in his own house.
 
When they walked through the white door his eyes widened a little at the sight of his house. The flooring was pine, glistening under full spectrum lights. To their left was a perfectly crafted white staircase, identical to the one that lay 14 feet away. Though the one in this gorgeous building wasn't chipped and didn't have dried blood along the edges. Tegan's stomach tied in knots at the thought. He glanced at the baby-blue walls leading up to the second floor. To their right was a large parlor, the couches black and leather. A mahogany coffee table just in front of it housed mechanic digest and a few hunting magazines. If you kept going to the east you'd pass a dining room, a large metal door, and then a kitchen fit for a king. He stared in awe, his heart calming. Quin had a home, where he was safe and kept warm.


A bark lifted his eyes to meet a black dog, his grinning face greeting Quin. The dog then made his way for Tegan, makimg him flinch slightly. Dogs didn't normally like him, they had a problem with the way he smelled, looked, or just acted. He was pleasantly surprised. "Well hello Bear." He said, a smile breaking across his face when he dipped down onto his knees to pet the puppy. He scratched behind its ears, a small pang of joy sitting through his dark pupils. "Your home is... beautiful." He didn't look up at Quin while saying this. His yellow-green eyes were pinned on the pup in front of him, who was inevitably starving for attention. "You're a good boy huh?" He exclaimed, scratching under his chin. "Don't worry, I'm not bothered." He said gazing back up at Quin from below white eyelashes. "I enjoy the attention too. It's not everyday someone invites me into their home." After he said this he wish he hadn't. Clearing his throat he stood up, his vision catching on the other's face again. He stared into his emerald eyes, watching the shape of his mouth, and casting over the way his jaw hooked under his ear. He wanted to thank the boy a million times for letting him take shelter inside, even if it were just for a few moments. Those few seconds would be the deciding factor of his ever growing fate. Anxiety built under his skin as he thought of the thing that groveled in his own home, one where dogs didn't greet you with small kisses and magazines weren't put out on coffee tables. No, where Tegan inhabited, his living space was jam-packed with empty liquor bottles, and fists said hello's to him at the door. Tegan swallowed hard, trying to just focus on the 'here and now'. He stepped forward, placing the back of his fingers gently along Quin's cheek, running his hand along the soft skin with longing. He didn't speak, just stood there gazing down at the brown-haired gentle soul, wishing he could grab him and skip town. To leave all of this behind, would probably seep the poison from his pours, thus ending the swirling vortex of constant fear...


But that would be in a perfect world, where men didn't prey on the flesh of teenaged boys, and those teenaged boys didn't load a gun to their head.
 
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Quinlan smiled a little when Tegan bent down to pet Bear. It made him happy to see someone that was there because Quin invited then and not because someone else had. Bear barked again when Tegan said he was a good boy. To Quin, it was the fastest he'd ever seen Bear like anyone and that made him smile too.


Then Tegan mentioned not getting invited to many places. He knew that feeling. Even back in elementary school when people would invite the whole class to things like birthday parties, it seemed Quin never got the invitation. He felt Tegan's fingers on his cheek and his face grew red. Even being comfortable in his own home couldn't stop him from not knowing what to say next.


Bear seemed to solve that though. He managed to stick his head between their legs and was trying to get the rest of himself through. Quin took a step back before Bear knocked him over. He looked down at him and saw the happy-looking face staring back up and he couldn't help but smile. He really was an attention-hog.


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Bear's struggles to get between the two made Team grow a little irritated. He glanced down at the pup's grinning face, his anger slipping away when the dog's tail wagged with excitement. "He's a jealous type, huh? I don't blame him." He said softly gazing at Quite with longing, his face full of contempt in the warm setting. His stomach rumbled, a jolt of pain sitting like a rock in his empty stomach. He placed a hand over his belly, embarrassment making his eyes burn red.
 
Quinlan smiled a little bit. "I guess." He said. His face had gone a bit red, unsure of how to react to the 'I don't blame him' part. "He's not really used to sharing me." His way of saying that no one ever really came over, not for him anyway. Then he heard Tegan's stomach. Right, he invited him over for dinner. "I was thinking of making, um, homemade pizza." He said. "I-Is that okay?" He wanted to know if Tegan liked the idea. If he didn't, Quin would think of something else that he could make.
 
Tegan smiled wide, he hadn't had a homemade meal in a long time. "Yes!" He exclaimed, his voice full of genuine joy. "I love pizza."


The white-haired boy grasped Quinn's hand, placing the boy's fingers to his lips. He placed small kisses on his pads, going down to his soft knuckles. "Can I help?" He said after a small moment of him brushing his mouth over the other's skin. "I've never been able to cook before, just a fair warning." He chuckled softly, nice sliver of a memory where he tried to cook pasta for his mom, and ended up boiling the water away into nothing but minerals and charred noodles.
 
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