Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Memster101]

(( So I might be going to a thing next week to preform my poem >> ))


I squirmed in my seat as Jess started to interrogate me in that off handed manner she had. I knew she knew something was up and while we would never intentionally hurt each other, I knew she was growing warily of what was to come. Anxiously, I tapped against the steering wheel of my car, keeping my eyes set straight ahead except for the glances at the elder girl. "I guess so, huh?" I replied absently, my heart beat stuttering away in my chest as the park pulled into view. I glanced at the time and saw that Mir should be here soon enough, but not nearly so. The space in between would allow for a more direct assault from Jess.


With growing unease, I pulled into the parking lot of the park and let the car idle. "You aren't too hot, are you?" I asked after having turned the heat up, freezing. Whether if it was from the nerves, the weather, or a combination of the two, I wasn't sure.

 

[Zotohxan]

(( That's awesome! Good luck! owo ))


Jess lets out a deep sigh, allowing Teagan to turn up the heat. For several moments she just sits in silence, leaning back in the car's seat before letting out a huff, sitting straight, and looking at the white-haired girl in the seat next to her. "Alright, alright... Just tell me, Teagan, what the hell is this all about?! Why are you so fucking jumpy today, and why is she meeting us at a park? It's way too open seclusion for her to tell us something private, but good. So it's apparently something bad. And I think I deserve to know what's got you so on the fucking edge!" She glares blankly, her face showing practically no emotion.


I tap my fingers impatiently and nervously against my leg as the cab driver takes me to the park, though... I must say, maybe getting a cab wasn't the best idea. The driver is male, roughly looking the same age as Micheal, and it's terrifying me. I manage to keep myself from having an attack, but... I can practically feel the fear pouring out of my body, the sweating palms a bit of proof to that.

 

[Memster101]

(( I have to come up with another two poems and oh my god I'm freaking out D: ))


A little squeak left me when Jess started to shout at me and I pressed myself back against the door, shrinking away from her. I knew that Jess would never physically harm me- unless it was required of course, and there had been times-, but it still scared me. God, if I was freaking out this bad, how would Mir react? "It's not my place to tell you!" I half pleaded with her, drawing my arms around myself. "I'm sorry! This has to do with Mir and you. I don't want to interfere in anyway!" I turned my gaze down to my lap, still leaned back against the door. I wanted to tell her, to give her some type of warning...but I felt as if Mir would be mad at me...This was her secret to tell, not mine.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah ;w; Then, yes.. Good luck.. I was never any good with poem writing, but I know that while I was writing my book whenever I was having to rush, the best thing I'd found to do with open up a word document, turn off all internet, and just write. Don't worry about grammar, spelling, tone.. Just write, and once you can't come up with more words, then go back through and proofread. It sounds really cliche, but it'd helped me a lot. x3))


Jess groans out in frustration and slams her hands against the dashboard, runs her fingers through her hair, then throws the car door open and practically stomps out. She leans against the door, aggravation and worry clear in her expression as she looks around, desperately searching for the one person who would tell her what's going on.


The cab pulls over a few minutes later, right at the entrance to the park. I shakily hand him money, hardly paying any mind to the fact that it was about twenty dollars too much, and take off running as fast as I can toward where I see Teag's car. My heart pounds hard against my ribs and my breathing is frantic; no doubt I'm having an asthma attack, thankfully not one of panic.. Yet. I guess the conclusion about that will come after I've finished my conversation with Jess.

 

[Memster101]

(( I might have to try that! I was thinking about pulling a late night-er and maybe I can do some of the writing then. I'm just worried about all the poems being the same though? Like depression, eating disorders, self harm...those are like, the only things I write good stuff about >> And it's really awkward and sad >< I'm also freaking out about what to wear. Like...do I go girly or do I go dyke-y?? ))


I was shaking by the time Jess got out of the car and was half way through my second cigarette by the time I saw Mir running up in the distance. My eyes widened and I scrambled out of the car, instinctively grabbing her inhaler. I practically ran over to her and shoved the canister into her hand, my cigarette momentarily forgotten in my other hand. "Hey, slow down.." I murmured, almost wanting to yell at her for running. I knew how easy her attacks could be set off, especially when her emotions were high and with the winter air. "We've got all the time in the world to do this...let's just take it one step at a time."

 

[Zotohxan]

((I mean.. I understand if you don't want them all to be like that, but the most powerful poems will come from what you're most passionate about, experiences you yourself have gone through.. And so subject matter doesn't hold much weight, at least.. Not nearly as much as the emotions put into it.))


I stop rather abruptly as Teag comes to me, and immediately bring the inhaler to my lips, pushing down on the canister and holding my breath to get the oxygen in me. After another puff I stuff it into my pocket and shake my head, still trying to calm my racing heart. "No, it... The cab driver scared me..." I swallow hard, reaching up to run a hand through my hair, "He kinda looked like Micheal..." I bite my bottom lip, then force a slight smile when I see Jess, only to get a glare in return, causing me to shrink back, "Is.. Um.. Is she alright..?" I was almost starting to regret my decision to come today to tell her... If Jess is in a bad mood as she seems to be, I'm sort of terrified to know how she'll react...

 

[Memster101]

(( Yeah... >> I haven't seen like a lot of super happy slam poems either though. I don't know x.x))


I relaxed a little once Mir took a few puffs on the inhaler and brought my now remembered cigarette to my lips. "She's fine... I've just been kind of freaking out about all of this and she got mad that I wouldn't tell her...She's just sulking." I pushed what I hoped to be a convincing smile to my lips and after a moment or two, led Mir over to the elder girl. Rocking back on my heels, I glanced between the two girls for a moment. "Uhm...should I let you two talk alone or..?" I asked, mostly Mir, chewing some at my lip.

 

[Zotohxan]

((I'm sure you'll do well. -w- That one you had me read really was awesome, so just keep it up~ x3))


I swallow hard and shake my head, "You don't have to... It kinda does involve all of us.." I shrug slightly, glancing at Teag out the corner of my eye then at Jess through my lashes. "Um.." I take in a deep breath, only to be cut off by Jess. "Wait. It's something that involves all of us?" She quirks an eyebrow, then smirks widely, "You decided to take me up on my threesome offer... I fuckin' knew it!" She cheers, though it's obvious she's just trying to deflect from whatever this is really about. Though she's able to be serious with Teagan at times, in reality, she's never been good with really dealing with people, their emotions, or even her own emotions.


I shake my head, "N-No.." My cheeks flush as I remember her 'offering' that to us... And while I must admit my mind had- and is- come up with some rather... Interesting images on that idea, I sorta doubt I'd be able to go through with it... Or that Teag would even want to. 'Not that I'd want to, of course!' I think to myself, blinking several times. After a moment I realize I'd just been standing here zoned out for a minute or two and my blush deepens. I clear my throat, "No, it's not that." I say firmly, "It's something different, and... I think.. I want you to promise you won't hit me." Jess just quirks an eyebrow, looking half amused, half pissed at my stalling. "I promise I won't hit you if you just tell me what the fuck's going on."


((And I'm going to be slightly delayed now in my messaging since my Mom got home, so bear with me. ;w; ))

 

[Memster101]

(( Thanks :3I might have you check over the other ones when I right them, if that's alright?))


A flush reached my own cheeks at Jess' promptings, chewing the idea around some. Honestly, it was something I was pretty open to. Not that I would have ever admitted to it. My cheeks brightened even more when I saw Mir doing the exact thing, the way she drifted off...What was she thinking? I leaned back against the car next to Jess, glancing between the two girls. "If you want to hit someone, you can hit me. Just not my ass, okay? That's Mir's," I attempted to muse, giving that crooked grin that Mir thought of as her own around my cigarette. "Shall we get down to business?"

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah, that's totally fine. -w- I'd love to read them!))


I blush a bit deeper at Teag's words and the grin she makes before clearing my throat, "Okay, so..." I swallow hard, standing in front of Jess and looking her straight in the eye, where I could see the nervousness she was trying to desperately to hide. "Yesterday... I had a breakdown, as you know. Lori had to call Teag, and it was a whole big mess. Even though the doctor told me there's really no way I was pregnant, I wanted to make sure. One last test before the air was clear, and we could all just move on with our lives. But... It came up positive." I bite my bottom lip, breathing deep. "And I'm going to keep the baby."


Jess freezes, her eyes wide and lips parted as she stares at me. "What?" She chokes out, her voice sounding frail and somewhat frightened. "You're.. My brother..." She swallows hard, tears filling her eyes. "Shit... Mother fucker... Ass licking shit!" She screams, "Damn it! Fuck!" She turns around and kicks the tire on Teag's car, obviously not having any idea how to control these emotions. Normally she'd just get high, though.. Nothing but her brother has ever affected her quite so deeply, and she got to take out her emotions by beating him up, so that always settled it. But right now, there was no one she could beat up, and the sudden stream of emotions felt far too much in her. "Shit, fuck, damn, hell!" She then screams out in frustration, falling to the ground and just gripping at her hair. "The fucking bastard!"

 

[Memster101]

(( Awesome! I think I'm going to go sulk at a coffee shop here in a little while and hopefully that'll help me get some inspiration :3 And sorry my replies are so short, I'm sort of at a loss as what to do xD ))


I fell silent as Jess absorbed the information, unsure of whether or not I thought it was going well. At least she wasn't taking her anger out on Mir. But we wouldn't really know how she was handling it until after her initial outburst. I took a drag on the cigarette before holding it out to Jess, knowing it wasn't weed, but it was better than nothing. I also figured it was a good time not to try and hold her or comfort her, this was the next best thing I could give to her. My eyes turned to Mir and I pulled my lip between my teeth, trying to gauge how she was reacting.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Huh, sounds fun. x3 I've never actually written in a coffee shop before.. But it's one of those weird things I've got on my bucket list. xD


And you're fine, I understand~))


Jess snatches away the cigarette, putting it to her lips with shaky fingers. "I'm sorry.." I whisper, trembling as I take a few steps back. Even though logically I know she's upset with Micheal and not me, well... I'm still terrified by her outburst. "I'm sorry.." Without really noticing my arms had wrapped around my stomach, as if protecting the tiny fetus from any physical harm Jess might have inflicted on me.


After several puffs and ignoring everyone around her, Jess seems to calm. The cigarette was burnt down to the butt and she just flicks it away before standing, staring at me blankly for several seconds. She takes a few deep breaths then starts walking forward, making me tighten my arms around my stomach, shut my eyes tight, and lower my head in fear. I hear her stop just in front of me and let out a small whimper. Then, without warning, I feel Jess' arms wrap around me. "I'm sorry for scaring you." She says, her voice raw from her screaming and the crying she'd done. "This is scary to me, too." I slowly open my eyes and glance at her, and though her expression is still blank, I can somewhat see how that's just her way of coping... "It's okay..." I say softly, but don't move my hands from my stomach.

 

[Memster101]

(( It's pretty calming x3 The other day I had a really bad anxiety attack before school and ended up just taking trax downtown. I found the nearest starbucks which was also attached to a hotel, and sat in there by the window and read/did homework. Sort of the same. It was really nice :3 ))


My heart froze for a moment when Jess moved forward, towards Mir and I felt my hands involuntarily tighten. I knew she wouldn't hurt Mir but...after everything that had happened for the past while, I never knew what to expect. Once again, much to my relief, Jess wrapped her arms around Mir in a hug. I guess that was some sort of sign of acceptance? I swallowed some and snagged another stick from my pack, lightening it up. I would definitely have to get this under control before the baby arrived and learn not to smoke around Mir.

 

[Zotohxan]

((That's awesome. ;w; I'm sorry you had an anxiety attack, but I'm glad you were able to help yourself to calm down. -w-))


When Jess pulls back she turns and looks at Teag, a weak smile on her face, "I'm gonna be an aunt... Yay..." She tries for excitement in her tone, though.. Only ends up with a terrified squeak. I smile halfly to her then tilt my head to the side a bit, "So.. You're not angry about it?" Jess turns back to me and shakes her head, "No.. Not angry, just nervous. I know you're going to be a good Mom, I mean... You're such a good person ,there's no way you wouldn't be. But.. I don't really know how nice of an aunt I'll turn out to be... I'll have to finish high school finally, get a legitimate job..." She lets out a deep sigh, "Quit dealing and quit the drugs..." She reaches up and runs a hand through her hair, the other gesturing at my stomach, "I want to be in that baby's life... I don't care if it knows anything about Micheal, but I want it to know me. I want to love it, and be loved in return." She bites her bottom lip, seeming to slightly rethink what she'd just said. "That is... If you'll allow that?"


I can't help the wide smile that crosses my lips as I nod, then step forward and hug Jess on my own. "Yeah... I'd like that, and so would this baby..." I then pull back and give her a stern look ,"But... You do have to get out of all the illegal stuff. I'm not putting my baby in harm's way by associating with you if you're still in all that." I turn to look at Teag. I hadn't mentioned it last night, but I should have.. Though, I hadn't thought of it until Jess said something. "The same goes for you... I-I can't have people in my life, and in the baby's, that are going to bring the possibility of harm... I grew up with pain always being an option. I won't have that for my child."

 

[Memster101]

(( It's all good :3 I would highly suggest it when you get a mode of transportation! Also, I have some poems that I wrote a long time ago but I'm nervous they seem lack luster compared to that first poem??))


I felt a smile start to come to my own lips as Jess discussed her wishes for the baby, beyond thrilled that things had taken a turn for the positive for what seemed like once in the past month. Jess was going to be an aunt, Mir a mother, the two of them would bond...everything was going to be great. I just had to keep telling myself that. We just had to make it through these nine months and then it was smooth sailing. Maybe if I said it enough, I'd believe it. Taking a light drag on my cigarette, I stiffened some at the mention of our illegal activities...I knew that it was going to be an issue and I would definitely do it for Mir, but I didn't have to like it.


"Okay..." I agreed, nodding some after a few moments of silence. "I can do that. We can do that. Jess and I can clean up our acts, we'll all graduate high school, Jess and I can get some decent jobs. Everything will be hunky-dory."

 

[Zotohxan]

((I certainly will. -w-


And you can send them if you'd like, I'd love to read them. :3 ))


I pull away from Jess and walk over to Teag, pushing the hand with the cigarette away from me before hugging her tight and pressing my lips to hers softly. After several moments I pull away, brush a bit of hair behind her ear, and just smile at her. "I know it's hard... And scary. You and Jess will be going through it together, though, and I'll be here to support both of you." I peck her lips again, "I love you. And thank you for doing this for me, for us... It means a lot..."


((<,< Sorry.. I honestly didn't know what else to write ;-; ))

 

[Memster101]

(( Will do :3 There's one I'm trying to write but it has some factual stuff in it so it's taking a little time. And you're all good!))


I smiled some when Mir hugged me, wrapping the arm that wasn't holding the cigarette around her. I kissed her briefly, not wanting to let the taste of the cancer stick linger on her lips. "I love you too, Mir. And thank you. Jess and I will be here for you too," I murmured, smoothing some of her hair from her face. Lightly, I grabbed Jess by the band of her jeans and pulled her over into a small group hug.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, I understand.. My friend wrote one based on the social struggle trans people go through, and it took him like 3 or so weeks to finish it.. But god, it's amazing. ;w; ))


Jess chuckles and smiles as she joins the hug. After a moment she smirks and whispers, "Threesooommmee~" I can't help but bust out laughing, though my face once more flushes bright red. "Not right now!" My eyes then go wide as I realize I didn't flat out say no, and I slap my hands over my mouth, blushing even brighter. "Er, I mean.." I whimper at the satisfied smirk on Jess' face. "Yeah, I know." She grabs her boobs and pushes them upward, "Hard to say no to these babies, right?" She winks,and I lower my head, still blushing about the same colour as my hair that falls to serve as a curtain, hiding my face.

 

[Memster101]

(( That's so epic D: ))


A laugh left me and I shook my head, smoothing my arm around Mir's shoulder. I pressed a kiss to her temple, pulling her into a better hug as I nuzzled at her hair. "Awww, Mir," I teased, chuckling softly. "Maybe when we're not expecting a baby, hm?" Now I stepped back away from her a little so I could take a few puffs on the cigarette. A shiver ran through my body at the cold air but I tried to keep it to myself, not wanting to make us end this little meeting.

 

[Zotohxan]

((It really is.. It was actually the first time I'd been exposed to slam poetry, and now it's somewhat of an addiction to watch YouTube videos or read them online when I can. ;w; ))


I bite my bottom lip before glancing up at Teag, my eyes shining a bit in curiosity. Truth be told... I don't know if I'd mind doing that? I don't think I'd be against it... "Maybe, yeah..." I glance over at a shocked-looking Jess and lower my head again. Jess then busts out laughing herself, walking over and ruffling my hair, "Or before.. Ya know, I heard that pregnancy makes you crazy horny sometimes. Maybe just little Teag won't be enough to satisfy you?" She smirks, and I feel my stomach twist a bit before looking away, my face even redder than before. "You two can stop teasing me... It's not nice..." I whine, but Teag would likely be able to hear the bit of lust in my voice I'd wished wouldn't reveal itself.

 

[Memster101]

(( I know :3 That sounds so cool ^^))


My eyebrows went up at the tone of Mir's voice and my cheeks tinted red slightly. A glance at Jess told me she hadn't caught on to it. Taking a deep drag on my cigarette, I reached a foot out and teasingly pushed Jess by hitting her hip lightly. "I can give her more than you could even handle," I jeered, sticking my tongue out at her. "So don't even try and come at me. Just because your lackluster in the sack doesn't mean everyone is." I grinned at her, blowing a puff of smoke out at her.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yii! ^-^


<.< I honestly don't know why I'm torturing Miranda so much right now.. But it's fricking hilarious x3))


Jess gasps, feigning offense before walking over, swaying her hips a bit extra, then wrapping her arms around Teag's neck. I tilt my head at them, shocking myself by not being utterly pissed at the seemingly intimate action between my girlfriend, and someone who is definitely not me. "Um.." I whisper, but then just stay silent, watching as Jess leans forward and nips at Teag's bottom lip, "Lackluster in the sack? Well.. You must be really sensitive to scream my name so much."


I feel my own cheeks heat even more at Jess' words then slowly walk over and grab the back of her collar, pulling her away from my girlfriend then curling a bit against Teag's side. "Nope... My girlfriend, my lips..." I lean up and peck Teag's lips then stick my tongue out at Jess childishly, gasping in shock when she leans over and catches my tongue between her teeth. I whimper slightly, but not in pain, and look up at Teag, silently begging her to save me from the confusing things I'm feeling.

 

[Memster101]

(( It really is!! xD ))


I blinked some when Jess came to me, pressing up against me as she tried to initiate something. A small blush came to my face at Jess' comment but I managed to roll my eyes, laughing some. Mir amused me by pulling her away and I felt a slight twinge of annoyance when Jess bit her tongue. "Hey now, that's my tongue," I mused. A side glance at Mir's flustered state allowed me to lean forward and kiss somewhat at both Jess' and Mir's lips. I laughed to myself when I managed to come between Mir and Jess, pulling my girlfriend to me to turn my lips more fully to hers.

 

[Zotohxan]

I blush even deeper than before, my mind racing with all sorts of thoughts I'd never have even considered before, conjuring all sorts of images that both scared and thrilled me. I kiss Teag back, closing my eyes then gasping as I felt a body pressed against my back, immediately realizing it'd be Jess. Her arms wrap around my stomach as she kisses my neck, and my eyes go wide, "J-Jess..." I bite my bottom lip, glancing around us, "We're in public!" I whine, then look to Teag, "I.. This.." I could feel myself blushing even more as Jess nips at the skin. "Just.. Fine. But we're not doing this here!"

 

[Memster101]

I pulled back from Mir, my eyes going wide at her admission to going through with this. I wasn't entirely sure I had been meaning to purpose such a thing. My cheeks went the shade of Mir's hair and I looked between the two girls, leaning back against the car some to take a puff on my cigarette. "A-Are we actually going through with this?" I asked, pushing some of my hair back from my face. "Are you serious?" My shy, wide eyes turned to Mir questioning and then to Jess, though wasn't opposed to it. Just taken aback by Mir's open admission.