Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Zotohxan]

((Thank you ;w; ))


I sniffle, trying to keep my tears at bay as I just lean back against Teag's chest, my hand coming over my stomach. "T-Three..." I take in a deep breath. "I can't do this..." I cry, "I'm going to be a horrible mother! I-I mean.. Just look at my parents! How.. How am I supposed to do anything right?" I turn to look at Teag again, clutching the material of my shirt, over my stomach, desperately. "How am I supposed to keep this baby happy when I can't even keep myself or my girlfriend happy?!" Though I know there's no way I'm giving up my pregnancy, I don't know if I would be a good mother... I quite doubt it, really. But would I really be able to live with myself if I gave up my baby for adoption? I mean... There's no telling the kind of family it could end up with. What if they were even worse than mine was?!


That thought just brings more tears to my eyes, and I move to straddle Teag's hips, clinging to her desperately now. "I don't know what to do..."

 

[Memster101]

(( Of course!! ))


A frown touched my lips as I watched Mir voice her dilemma, wishing there was a way to calm her nerves. I held her when she turned to face me, holding herself close, and smoothed at her hair. "If you decide to keep it...you'll be a wonderful mother..." I murmured softly, knowing the fears she didn't express. There was no way she could behave as her parents did to her,Mir would never do that to another person. My stand on the issue was still to either abort the baby or give it to adoption...but ultimately that was Mir's choice. Not mine. "I know it's scary right now...but as you get farther into your pregnancy, you'll be able to make that decision. Right now, you just need some time between now and then..."

 

[Zotohxan]

I nod slowly, trying desperately to calm myself. "Could we.. D-Do you think..." I take in a deep breath, "Do you think we c-could try to go back to how we were..? I'm getting better with my attacks... I've only had a couple the entire time I've been here, n-not including this.... And... I really miss you, Teag. I know that Jess needs you right now, and... I want you to be there for her. But... It's really hard to be on my own..." I bite my bottom lip, hoping I wasn't being too selfish at the moment. I don't really know how to handle everything going on, and I know that I need Teag if I hope to get out of this even partially unscathed.

 

[Memster101]

I nodded some, knowing that I had been missing Mir too. Maybe now that Jess and Mir were on better terms, we could all get together...It would be good for Jess to be around someone else who had been hurt at the hands of Michael. I still didn't want her going to the school though...Not while Matt and Dylan were around. "I miss you too," I murmured softly, pulling my lip between my teeth. "And I know...I'm sorry for that." It had been selfish of me to pull away so much. Even if the space between us had been needed by both of us, certainly not to the degree I let it go to. "I'll try and stop by more often after school, or before I go off to bed or something, okay?"

 

[Zotohxan]

I sniffle and nod, closing my eyes as I rest my forehead against Teag's shoulder. "I'm sorry for being selfish... I-I know you want me to abort the baby, but I can't... And I couldn't trust anyone else to take care of it... I-I have to keep it, and I'm dragging you into this mess, and.. I'm sorry. I just love you, and I need you... But.. I want to be here for you, too, so if there's ever anything you need to talk about... I'm here, okay? I don't care what I'm going through.. I just want to help you, I know it'd help me, too."

 

[Memster101]

I nodded a little once again, smoothing my hand against her hair a little. "I know...and I love you too," I told her, leaning more against the wall of the tub now. Again I had no idea how I was going to handle this, how I was going to keep it together...Especially with His child running around or being held in Mir's arms. Truthfully, I thought she would be better off giving the thing up...but I knew she wouldn't do that. "I'm okay for now..." A sigh left me and I tried to take in what comfort I could from Mir's embrace, falling into a momentary silence brought on by my thoughts.

 

[Zotohxan]

I nod slowly, closing my eyes again and just relaxing against Teag. A few minutes later I hear footsteps and look up to see Rosaline and Lori walking in, seeming a bit hesitant with their smiles. I reach up to wipe away my tears, then give them both half smiles. "Hi..." I bite my bottom lip. "I-I'm sorry... For reacting the way I did..." I lower my head, remembering that one of their rules- though it's mostly just to help me feel better through all this- is to not apologize for things that aren't my fault.


Rosaline kneels down beside us, putting a hand softly on my shoulder she gives a gentle smile. "You have every right to react the way you did, Miranda." She looks to Teag, "you too, Teagan." She then looks back at Lori, then to us again. "How about we all go sit in the kitchen and talk, yeah? It doesn't have to be about this if you don't want it to be, but I think we could all use some time to cool off a bit, and come to terms with everything."

 

[Memster101]

My lips twitched faintly at Rosaline's forgiveness towards my behavior, I knew it was anything but, though didn't argue. "That sounds like a good idea," I agreed, smiling slightly. Once Mir had stood, I did so myself and followed the women into the kitchen, where we all took a seat at the small dinning table they had. Both couples sat together, with Rosaline beside Mir and Lori beside me. When we were all settled, I turned to towards the other women, smoothing a hand through my hair. "What have you decided about school?" I asked, mostly Mir, but directed the question to them all. Rosaline and Lori were involved with this too considering they would now have to sign all of Mir's paper work.

 

[Zotohxan]

"I still want to go.." I say immediately. "I.. I can't just run away because of this, I need to be strong..." I bite my bottom lip, knowing Teag wouldn't be happy about my decision. "I know it's still dangerous with Matt and Dylan being there, but... You and Jess are there, and I'll have my phone... Plus Rosaline and Lori agreed to teach me some self defense, so.." I lower my head a bit. "I just... I want to be proud of myself... And I won't be if I run away from this..." Rosaline moves her hand to gives my shoulder an encouraging squeeze. Rosaline, Lori, and I had talked about this at great length over the past few weeks.. They know how scary the idea is for me, and they don't much like the idea of it either, but.. They understand it's something I've got to do. It'll be even harder now that I'm pregnant, but I just have to prove to myself that I actually can do this...

 

[Memster101]

My lips slowly pursed at the decision but I nodded, knowing that once again, it wasn't mine to make. This was Mir's life and ultimately, she got to choose what she wanted and got to do. There was only a four or so months left of school and once May rolled around, things would get a lot easier for the both of us considering we were seniors. It shouldn't be too much of a stress on her...I hoped. "Okay," I murmured, smoothing a hand over my hair. "Okay...What about therapy? Have you guys had a chance to talk about that?" It was another matter I had really tried to press before our little hiatus but who knew what they had ended up deciding on the matter.

 

[Zotohxan]

I smile faintly, knowing that Teag would at least be happy with me for this decision. "Starting next week, I'm going every Tuesday and Friday... Those are the only set days Rosaline and Lori could get off, so..." I bite my bottom lip, my brows pulling together. Even though I'd been certain before that Teag would be happy with me for deciding that, I feel now as if she may not be so.. It could just be my insecurities and fears, but I really do want her to be happy with me.. "Is.. That's a good thing, right..?" I swallow hard, starting to lower my head in fear that perhaps she wasn't too happy about that. What if she'd changed her mind in these past three weeks, and doesn't actually want me to go anymore? Or what if she thinks I'm just too messed up tosave from what I feel?

 

[Memster101]

A slight smile came to my lips at the news of her admission into therapy. "Yeah, that's really good love," I assured, finding her hand under the table. I gave it squeeze, a sigh leaving me. "Maybe I'll have to come a few times." I wasn't sure how well that would go in all honesty, but it would probably be more focused on the matter of Mir's pregnancy and not on my own past issues. At least, that was what I hoped for. If things turned to be any different...I honestly couldn't say that I would be able to stay. But...that was a matter for another day.

 

[Zotohxan]

I smile a bit wider, squeezing Teag's hand back. "Yeah... I think it'll be good for you to come, then maybe they can even help us talk things through?" I wasn't sure if Teag would even be interested in that, but it's something I'd brought up to Rosaline and Lori... They'd seen how badly Teag's absence had affected me, so they actually talked to my therapist and she'd agreed that it'd probably be good for us to do a form of couples' therapy once a month or so. Especially with being pregnant now and my emotions going to be all over the place, I think it'd be good for us to clear the air of everything. "And maybe you could make yourself a couple appointments too? And Jess as well? I mean... I think all three of us have things we need to talk through."

 

[Memster101]

I kept the smile on my face even though the thought of attending even couples therapy nearly sent me screaming out of the room. I knew it was something we needed. Especially with what was coming up in the next nine months. Though, there was no way I'd go to therapy for myself....I wasn't strong enough for that yet. And I wasn't sure there'd be much of a chance trying to convince Jess to go to a session, but it wouldn't hurt to try. It had never really been something we had talked about, nor something she had probably been able to even consider previous to Michael's arrest.

 

[Zotohxan]

Rosaline clears her throat a bit, "Well, um.. I think the next thing we should talk about is how we're going forward, Teagan, Miranda..." She crosses her hands over the table, something I've learned she does when she's somewhat weary to bring up a topic. "Lori and I will make you an OB/GYN appointment for this week, and they'll check on the baby, and get you started on prenatals, Miranda." She then looks between both of us, "Teagan, would you like to go with us?"

 

[Memster101]

In all honesty, it was the last thing I wanted to do. There was still some part of me that thought we could sweep this under the carpet and be done with it...Though I knew differently. "Yeah, I'll come," I agreed, nodding. I needed to start being there for Mir again. If I missed out on this, it would be like the final nail in a coffin. I chewed some at my lip and leaned back in the seat, crossing my legs. "Is there anything else we'll need to do?"

 

[Zotohxan]

I squeeze Teag's hand again. It's fairly obvious she doesn't actually want to go, but.. She will, for me. For us. And that means the world to me that she'll at least try for us, still...


Rosaline thinks for a moment, "Well.. There'll have to be some special precautions taken at school, like Miranda not participating in gym class... While working out during pregnancy is good, playing things like dodge ball and basketball... they're a bit too risky. Otherwise we'll set you two up in some birthing and parenting classes.. It'll probably be around once a month at first, then move to biweekly like the therapy appointments as it gets closer to your due-date..."

 

[Memster101]

My lips pursed some in thought once again as I let all this information sink in. It would be good to have Mir out of gym class...That's were we really interacted with Matt and his cronies. So at least Mir would be safe for one period...Birthing classes were obvious, though I knew it would definitely be difficult for me to get too involved...Things like birth made me squeamish. "Alright, that sounds good enough...Is there anything else we need to worry about?" I asked, looking around the table once more at the other women.

 

[Zotohxan]

Rosaline shakes her head, "Not for the time being... The further along in everything we get the more things will pop up that we'll have to deal with, but I think we're okay for right now." She smiles softly at Teag and I. After a few moments my eyes suddenly go wide and I look at Teag, "Holy crap... I just realized that Jess is this baby's aunt..." Even though I should probably be rather upset over the fact my baby's aunt sleeps with my girlfriend, I can't help but bust out laughing. "Y-You..." I choke through the laughter, "Slept.. With my b-baby's aunt!" I hunch over a bit in my chair, my arm around my stomach as tears come to my eyes from the laughter. Why I found it so funny I have no idea, but... It's hilarious.

 

[Memster101]

At the sound of Mir's laughter, I jumped, looking at her in shock. I wasn't sure why, but the sudden change of emotion had scared me. Was this what the next nine months would be like? Worse? How much different could it be compared to her period? Oh god. I offered a slight smile, unsure what to say, knowing that whatever I did would probably be the wrong thing and upset Mir. "Well...I'm glad you find it funny?" I tried to muse, casting a caution glance to Lori and Rosaline. They knew more about hormonal, pregnant teenagers than I did, but Lori seemed just as mystified as I was.

 

[Zotohxan]

I shake my head, slowly starting to sober up. "I don't... At all, really, but... It just seemed so hilarious..." I let out another few, short laughs before just sighing out my extra breath. "Well that was weird..." I swallow hard, reaching up to wipe away the tears. I then look over to Teag, "I don't really know how I feel about it... But it's definitely not funny... It's kinda weird, that the girl I hated for so long will be my baby's aunt... Even more so since I don't really hate her anymore." I shrug a bit, "Maybe we could become friends..." I then pull my brows together, "Do you think she'd want to be in the baby's life? Or just kinda pretend she doesn't share blood with it?"

 

[Memster101]

I relaxed some as Mir did sober up, leaning back in my chair once more. God that was weird. I don't think I'd ever get use to that. "I think it'd be hard for her at first, but eventually she'd warm up to the baby," I offered, pushing a slight smile to my lips. It would be the only family she had left, and while it was a product of her brother and what he was capable of...it was family, simple as that. Once Jess calmed down, I had a feeling we would have a new baby sitter- of course...if she cleaned up her act.

 

[Zotohxan]

I smile a bit and nod, my hand coming to rest over my stomach. "I feel like this is a dream... Like there's not actually a little being in my belly, but I know better." I move to lift up my shirt, the last of Micheal's bruises finally fading as I trace my fingers over the skin, "It doesn't feel real, and yet it does." I look up at the women before us, "Is that normal? Or.. Is it normal that since the beginning of all this, I've never thought of the hypothetical baby as his? It's just... Mine?"

 

[Memster101]

Lori smiled softly at Mir's words, nodding some. "No, that makes perfect sense. Not a lot, but some victims are able to see the child that way. It just proves how good of a mother you'll be," She assured, reaching across the table to pat Mir's arm. I smiled slightly at the interaction, my eyes trailing down to Mir's stomach. How long would it be before she showed? How mean were the people at school going to be? My lip was pulled between my teeth once more and I shook my head to myself, riding my thoughts. "You'll be great, Mir," I said, giving her leg a gentle squeeze.

 

[Zotohxan]

I blush slightly from the praise and encouragement, then just lean over and rest my head against Teag's shoulder. "I'm not looking forward to everything that comes with pregnancy, though..." I admit, "I don't want to gain all the weight, or puke up everything I eat, or eat chocolate-covered pickles drowned in strawberry ice cream..." I scrunch up my nose, "Definitely not the last one..."


Rosaline chuckles a bit, "And now, that will be the first craving you get." I groan in disgust and Rosaline just continues to laugh, then I tilt my head up a bit to look at Teag, "I have a craving to kiss you right now, but... I don't know if that's okay?" I wasn't sure why I'd just blurted that out.. These past three weeks I'd been able to hold back my insecurities when it came to us, and I was able to stay at the distance it seemed Teag wanted... But I couldn't anymore. It may have just been all the overwhelming emotions of today, but... It seemed like nothing I thought could stay inside anymore.