Fantasy Freelancer Files (Red vs. Blue)

[1stLt HChurch]

Just kidding guys, just kidding. Also, I found a pretty badass song and I'm gonna include the lyrics. (RvsB song of course)

Spoiler

oklahoma beat down


pennsylvania dead and drown


minnesota castigate


massachusetts flagellate


bitch slap tennesee


dc dead see?


utah is a fucking mess


oregon in great duress


maryland is on her knees


louisiana? bitch....please.


mississippi worst day ever


north dakota not much better


missouri in a stranglehold


montana's corpse is getting cold


bleeding time for old kentucky


indiana not so lucky


vermont could use a four leaf clover


new jersey it is almost over


pick up delaware and slam her


call the meds for alabama


michigan has been destroyed


ditto that for illinois


new hampshire should have brought a friend


west virginia's at her end


colorado crash and burn


kansas point of no return


georgia's underneath a bus


california's really fucked


idaho and south dakota


give it up your time is over


nebraska cancel all appointments


washington we've got your ointments


ohio don't stand a chance


wyoming needs a change of pants


rhode island you cannot not surmount


puerto rico -does that even count?


pummel down on carolina


connecticut you're SUCH a whiner


arkansas eat my dust


alaska is a total bust


you can screw nevada


mess with maine


leave hawaii in a puddle of pain


you can beat virginia till she's down on the floor


but if you fuck with tex


if you fuck with tex


if you fuck with tex you'll be on your knees for sure


MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!

Thats not the whole song, but I'll add it.


 
Oh your states will be there, all states are there. Now, what isn't here are you guys. Where the hell did you all go?


Wait, dont say it: Lives

I know that song. It's from the one of the songs played while Tex is beating the stuffings out of York, Wyoming, and Maine in season 9. They just cut out that part for the episode. The part talking about giving Wash his ointment always makes me laugh, because it fits perfectly for his younger days. Hell, even his older days. Because that dude is like a fucking cock roach with how much he gets hurt yet survives.

 

[Shadowborn Omen]

[media]



[/media]

 

[Wintermute]

Oh I've seen that one Shadow! XDDD

 

[1stLt HChurch]

...I'm gone for an hour and I'm shipped with Dark. Fine. I'll be the black widow or a praying mantis of the relationship. I will end up eating you =w=

Hey, Dark. Be prepared to have sex, promptly get your head eaten off, then spin a circle in the dirt as you die. I've seen a praying mantis mating pair do that before (MINUS THE MATING PART), and it was both horrifying and fascinating at the same time.

 

[Wintermute]

WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO FIXATED ON ME AND MOCK MATING


YOU ARE REALLY SOME INSANE SHISNOS, YOU KNOW?

 

[1stLt HChurch]

[QUOTE="Shadowborn Omen][media]


[/media][/QUOTE]
If any of you have not seen this before, you have lived a sad and disrespectful life. Cause they are damn right that Church is the best.


 

WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO FIXATED ON ME AND MOCK MATING
YOU ARE REALLY SOME INSANE SHISNOS, YOU KNOW?

I'M JUST COMMENTING. DONT BE MAD AT ME.

 

[Wintermute]

Nah, Carolina rules.

 

[Shadowborn Omen]

@Darkangel666 You only made it so much easier to ship you two when you teamed up with each other and said you would eat each other. In most societies that just means you'll mate then the female will eat the male to ensure her survival.

 

[Wintermute]

You people are gross. Im going to go eat my hearts now, I've lost interest in killing you sick fucks.

 

[1stLt HChurch]

Is that. . In a sexual way? Or legit biological reproduction way?

The sounds..I am making..are not human....


 


[QUOTE="Shadowborn Omen]Ew. Dark, don't slap her with your burrito in public. That's fucking disgusting.

[/QUOTE]
There's the noises again.

 

[Shadowborn Omen]

[QUOTE="1stLt HChurch]The sounds..I am making..are not human....
 



There's the noises again.

[/QUOTE]
Are we talkin' those repulsive vomiting noises, or something completely different?

 

[1stLt HChurch]

@Darkangel666[/URL] You only made it so much easier to ship you two when you teamed up with each other and said you would eat each other. In most societies that just means you'll mate then the female will eat the male to ensure her survival.

You speak the truth, my friend.

 

[Wintermute]

Uh, I dont understand. Why is your name in spanish class Carolina?

 

[1stLt HChurch]

[QUOTE="Shadowborn Omen]Are we talkin' those repulsive vomiting noises, or something completely different?

[/QUOTE]
I was laughing my ass off, and I sounded like a squeaking monster on helium.

 

[Wintermute]

And... I'm just gonna 1v1 sum noob on mincreft to get away from all this. I am deprived of sleep atm.

 

[1stLt HChurch]

Uh, I dont understand. Why is your name in spanish class Carolina?

My Spanish teacher makes us choose Spanish names at the beginning of the year. She then calls us by that instead of our actual first names. She will seriously not know our English names, only our Spanish names. So she always calls me Carolina, and I'm used to responding to and writing it. And I chose it because it was the only Fandom related name on the list, and I fangirled slightly when I got it.

 

[Wintermute]

Also, I am no praying mantis. I am a non edible robot. So there!

 

[1stLt HChurch]

And... I'm just gonna 1v1 sum noob on mincreft to get away from all this. I am deprived of sleep atm.

Then go to sleep, smart one!


 

Also, I am no praying mantis. I am a non edible robot. So there!

I was going to say something about Mock, but...I don't want to be violently murdered in my sleep. So never mind.

 

[Wintermute]

I do not want to be like you meek humans. I am not as vulnerable as you. As a member of the superior European race, I cant sleep...

 

[TheAncientCelt]

I think you mean, "USA USA USA USA!".

 

[Wintermute]

I think not, inferior ape. We rule you all. You know why? Because when we "discovered" your country we dedicated ourselves to kill, rape, pillage and plunder everything in our way. Giving blankets with smallpox to the indigenous peoples and wiping out so many of them. Then, we took all the gold and smelted it into useless and dull gold ingots, raising inflation in spain oh so much. I'm so fucking proud of my country.


 
I hope one of you brought your sarcasm meter, because it should be going off the charts.

 

[TheAncientCelt]

Did you know how bad a blunder Spain lost to England? Gosh, that just crushed the Spanish Empire and started the inevitable spiral into a husk of its former glory. You know, we beat the British. So, doing maths, USA USA USA > UK/GB/ENGLAND>Spainland.

 

[Shadowborn Omen]

For once, I may be siding with CTAC.

 

[Wintermute]

Guys, did you not see my sarcasm meter post?

 

[TheAncientCelt]

Still salty over the Spanish American War?


USA USA USA