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Fantasy Cosmical Glitch ( ellarose & starboob. )

"O-ow! Hey!" Obviously, if Juno is going to start a fight with the faerie, she should expect to get hurt. Yet the pirate finds herself annoyed that the other woman is fighting back at all, for some reason believing that she should just take the beating that she so obviously deserves for bringing them to a fucking death trap. (No, Juno doesn't see how a lot of this is actually her fault. Why do you ask?) "Knock it off, you fucking twerp!" While Ollie scratches at her throat and lands kicks and punches all over the pirate, the pirate works to wrap her legs around the faerie's torso, holding her in a vice like grip. "Bitch you better prepare to meet your fucking maker because I am about to tear your tongue from your throat and feed it to that stupid lizard bird, you fucking piece of shit!"

All the while, Juno actually (somehow) doesn't notice that they have been pushed out of the cave by the mutant bird's screech. If anything, she assumes they have tumbled out on their own––between their kicks, punches, bites, slaps, and hair pulls it makes sense that neither of them would have watched for the fucking entrance. (She also fails to recognize that the cowboy's magic has been broken, but really what does that matter? Because now she's fucking plummeting to her death and still getting pummeled by the fucking faerie!) "I hope you end up in fucking Hell!" she spits, rearing her fist to punch Ollie square in the jaw. It would have been a knock-out punch, for sure, had she not swung through the air instead––no thanks to the fucking centipede grabbing onto the lasso that Juno had foolishly let go of. She watches with no small amount of disappointment as the faerie is saved, she is left falling, and another swarm of bugs is sent after her.

While the pirate could list out all of her life's regrets, starting with not throwing the faerie overboard when she had the goddamn chance, she instead takes her final moments to stare Ollie in the eye and flips her two birds as she waits for her body to either splatter onto a village below or burn up in one of the lava rivers that make up this planet. The only thing she really hopes for is that her death will be quick. There would be nothing worse to the pirate than having to suffer any more for this shitty life the goddess 'blessed' her with.

…Naturally, this means that her prayer is not answered because in two separate breaths the swarm the centipede woman had unleashed is crowding Juno, nipping and stinging her once more; then, she feels back collide with something. The surface is hard, rough, and aggravates the bruise that blossomed after her earlier fall. Stars dance across her eyes and the only reason she doesn't yelp out is because of her own pride and she doesn't feel like eating bugs.

Okay, so she’s not dead (yet). (Or everything she's been told of death is a lie and it really is just more pain. Fuck. That would be just her luck.) Any worries that might have cropped up with the realization that she is still very much alive (and in pain), disappear as her stomach lurches and she feels herself being propelled upwards by some unknown force.

When she is able to open her eyes (when the fuck had she even closed them?) she realizes that, by the grace or vengeance of the goddess, she has landed on one of those floating platforms. A floating platform that is being propelled upwards by a lava geyser. (That explains the lurch in her stomach, she guesses.) She soars past the swarm, effectively splatting a bunch across her pink armor and face (gross), and high above the two bug women. At the peak of her ascent, she's tossed off the platform from the sudden stop and that's when she notices that stupid little cube flying in the air next her. "Fuck you and your evil little mistress," she mutters, reaching for the stupid bastard as she falls back towards the bug women. Knowing that she only has one shot to keep herself alive, she grabs her whip and unfurls it so that it attaches itself to a floating rock conveniently placed above the centipede and the faerie.

The weight of her body catches on the rock and she uses this momentum to swing herself back and forth. Once she gains enough speed, she uses that to kick the centipede lady in the face ("Ack!"). Wearing a triumphant smirk as she comes back around, she then takes aim at the faerie. Except, rather than trying to kick bugsy, she aims to lob the cube at her head––mostly because the faerie is still dangling from her lasso entrapment and is too low for the pirate to kick. Since the pirate's focus is only on hurting her, she fails to consider what will happen when she releases the cube from her grasp. The very cube she had been hellbent on keeping from the faerie so that she could throw it into the lava. (Maybe she assumes it will fall into the lava right after hitting bugsy's head?)

Anyway, Juno totally misses because the rock she had been hanging from gives. So rather than toss the cube it more or less drops from her hand (she doesn't see where it goes) and the pirate lands on the centipede lady's backside.
 
Lettie sticks out her tongue and throws a bird of her own in response to Juno's gesture, no longer able to kick or punch to her heart's content as the woman plummets far below her. Hanging in midair, she tries to ignore the magic lasso she can't seem to escape, the fact that she has no clue where the cube is, and that she's stuck in the clutches of the centipede woman. Who knows what her 'bug of a feather' will do to her after she lured so much chaos into her carefully curated treasure trove of (trash) and wonders? This world, this shitty situation... from here on, this is where she's going to live the rest of her life. Because without the cube, how the hell is she supposed to get home? If she doesn't die soon, she's going to be stuck here. (Unless she can figure out how the cowboy did it. Hm. There must be some other means then, right? Some kind of complex spell maybe.) If she lives, she'll have time to puzzle over that later. For now, though? She's stuck. Oh... stars forbid the centipede woman want compensation for her precious shinies being crushed and tear her wings from her body to kickstart her new collection. That's what this is, right? Why else would she be holding onto her like this? Because if she intends to kill her, she could've just let her fall to her death like...

Like the mean pirate. The mean pirate who is suddenly being propelled into the air, rising high above their heads as she rides on another geyser! When she lands a kick in the centipede woman's face, Lettie can feel the woman's grip on her falter slightly, causing her to dip down lower. The lasso pressing painfully into her stomach jerks as she shifts. Ugh. Bleh.

What happens next makes Lettie immensely sicker. Because although she'd just been considering the prospects of her future without the cube... the fact that it's falling past her, just beyond the desperate reach of her outstretched fingertips, makes it all the more apparent. It's right there! All of her hopes, her future, her life, it was right there and now--

The cube drops below along with her heart.

"No!" Lettie moves her arms and legs as if to swim herself through the air towards it. All this amounts to is her flailing around helplessly. While the faerie is distracted with watching her hopes plummet along with the stupid cube, Albert swoops towards Juno in attempt to pick her off of the centipede woman's mangled body before she can do his friend any more harm. The woman herself also grunts and reaches back with her free arm in attempt to swat at the pirate like a bug. The struggle slips Lettie down tantalizingly close to the cube again. Shit! She's still not close enough to reach it, but this time when her fingers barely graze it, it beams brightly in the dark, ashy sky and...

Blip!

The magic lasso finally snaps and Lettie smashes face-first onto something hard. Something that feels suspiciously like the deck of that pirate's stupid fucking ship. (Because she landed this way enough times to know what it feels like.) Before she can process any of what just happened or where in the worlds she is now, though, another body (the pirate's, because that has also happened enough times for her to know what that feels like) lands on top of her own and with a 'crunch', presses directly on her broken wing. The pain is searing, stabbing right through her, and she instantly passes the fuck out.

***

"No... I don't want to..." Lettie mumbles in her sleep, grappling with whatever it is she's dreaming about. Since her messy landing on the deck, she's been tucked with great care into a warm bed. And she's hugging onto something (someone?) who is even warmer. "I don't want to... follow the goose..."

Lettie doesn't realize that she's in bed with and hugging onto none other than Juno. As in the mean, homicidal pirate Juno.
 
Juno doesn't remember a damn thing that happened after she ended up falling onto the centipede lady's back. She doesn't remember the flash of white light. She doesn't remember falling back onto her ship (somehow). She definitely doesn't remember crushing the faerie with the impact of her landing either. Nope, it's all darkness to her. Darkness that starts to turn into warmth and her soft plush bed. "Mmm," she moans, enjoying the feeling of her signature blanket nest curled around her body. It also doesn't hurt that there is clearly a woman in her bed with her and while she doesn't remember how that happened, she imagines it must have been a pretty damn good night out to have taken a woman back to the ship. In this blissful moment, the pirate thinks of what it might be like to settle down and experience this warm, comforting feeling every morning. To be held by someone she... tolerates does sound quite nice to the groggy pirate.

While those cotton candy thoughts fill her mind, she breaks out into a dopey smile, nuzzling into the embrace. 'So warm. Soft.' She blinks her eyes open and places her arm over the one loosely wrapped around her waist. She squeezes whoever this mystery woman is and then gently removes her arm so that she can turn to face the beauty she bagged las––

––t night.

Ohfuckohshit!!!!

Immediately, Juno hurls her body backwards, yanking the blankets with her (that she promptly trips over) and, incidentally, this results in the faerie flipping out of the bed as well. "What the fuck!?" because what else would the pirate say? Especially after realizing that Orla decided to spoon her. Spoon. Her. The big (stupidly) buff pirate, captain Juno. (Never mind that Juno had actually been enjoying the simple comfort. In fact, never mention that to her unless you want your fingers blended and then spoon-fed to you afterwards, because that never fucking happened.) "What are you doing in my fucking bed!?" Because obviously the pirate doesn't know the answer to that question and the possibility of what might have led them to her bed clearly horrifies her. However, when she steps around the bed to tower over the faerie, she is relieved to realize that she's still wearing her clothes. As is Juno, now that she's aware of this. She also notes the distinct lack of hickeys on the faerie's neck––so unless the faerie has super-healing and also was insistent that they both clothe themselves after fucking, she's certain that didn't happen. Pretty fucking certain. Like, 85 percent certain. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck––' she turns on her heel and dashes into her bathroom to look at herself in the vanity, knowing that she doesn't possess super healing. 'Phew, fucking clear.'

Still, it is concerning that, while they are still clothed, they are not wearing the same clothes as earlier. They're in sleepwear and that only makes the mystery all the more confusing. Like, how the fuck did they change? She doesn't remember changing! "You have your own fucking room and I distinctly don't recall inviting you to my bed. So what the fuck are you doing he––"

"Oh, good morning, sleepyheads!" None other than Marjorie sings as she skirts into the room, holding a tray of gruel. She sets it down on the captain's desk and then strides over to the window, tearing the curtains apart to let in the most obnoxiously bright light Juno has ever witnessed (well, second to whenever the cube decides to act up.) "You two really need to stop ditching us! So, so rude. BUT we had such a lovely time rebuilding a little village for clay people and even raced in an obstacle course! Oh, it was just so, so fun. What did you two get up to? It must have been so very exhausting, because we could not rouse either of you when you came back. Understandable, because taking us to this very new, very shiny land must have been tiring. Do you like shiny things, Ms. Olette?" the curious skeleton tilts her head to the side and offers the faerie a hand to help her off the floor. "Is that why you have taken us to shiny land? Oh, that is just so good! Captain Juno never takes us anywhere fun," she frowns (well as much as a skeleton can) and sighs. The skeleton waves her hand through the air, as if waving away her upset, and then carts the faerie towards the desk. She gestures for the woman to sit and eat in the same manner a concerned grandmother might––a grandmother who believes her grandchild's parents are not doing enough to keep meat on those bones. She even goes so far as to stick the spoon in her hand. (The faerie should note the distinct lack of roast wasp and other bug products the pirate has been feeding her. Yes, the gruel doesn't look that much more appetizing, and it's not bugs.)

Juno, meanwhile, adjusts her eyes to the brightness outside and tunes out the conversation behind her. She steps up to the window and peers outside. Everything is covered in shiny sheets of platinum or silver. The other odd thing, as if all the worlds they've been to haven't been odd, is that everything is also cube shaped. Actually, it kind of appears to be an endless sea of cubes (cubes that look suspiciously like the cube but Juno doesn't pick up on that). 'Weeeird.' Though, thinking of cubes, where the fuck is the one the faerie came in with? The pirate turns away from the window and starts rifling through the side of the bed that the faerie had been sleeping on.

About three seconds into her search, she hears something crash through her window and springs up from her position, clearly pissed the fuck off and ready to fight whatever has decided to break her window, but is stunned when she sees a... robot?

"Greetings," the robot's neon green eyes scan the occupants of the room (Juno flinches and Marjorie strikes a pose), "Olette Lycoris Radiata, Marjorie Graham, and... Ju-no. You have been selected to enter into a competition to win a very special prize. One that is worth the equivalent of 1,000,000,000,000 gold coins."
 
Ah. There's nothing quite like being stirred from a goose-filled dream by one of Juno's signature (and exponentially rude) 'what the fucks'. Stars. How in the worlds does she find the energy to commit to being so angry first thing in the morning? Then again, rage seems to be the pirate's default state. Expecting her to be anything but that would be like expecting a boatload of money to start raining down from the heavens, serving the solution to her problems on a silver tray of deus ex machina.

Nevertheless, the catchphrase is accompanied by an unceremonious fall, which is something else that Lettie has had to mentally brace herself for ever since crash-landing on this ship. She's never safe! Not even in her dreams, apparently, and not even while experiencing the simple, warm comfort of having a woman wrapped in her arms. A woman wrapped in her arms. A woman wrapped in her arms? A wo-- that's about the time the pirate starts asking what she'd been doing in her bed and she pieces the connotations together like pieces of a puzzle that fit together with a suspiciously horrifying level of accuracy. And the intimate picture it creates causes a peachy blush to rise in her cheeks and ears-- embarrassingly enough, her aching wings also shudder and their typically cool-toned color palette washes over with what resembles a vibrant acrylic pour of marbled, sunset hues. "What the fuck!?" Now it's her turn to echo the pirate's catchphrase. "H-hell if I know, Juju! This is your ship!" Yes, as if that unrelated fact has any sway whatsoever in making her point. (Give her a fucking break! She's understandably flustered after cuddling the-- the--) Defensively, she snaps her arms to her chest and is relieved at least to find that she's still wearing clothes. New clothes. Okay. Did someone change her or is this the cube's magic acting up again? Speaking of the cube... where is the tricky little bastard?

Ugh. With the initial shock out of her system, the faerie's shoulders and poor, battered wings droop languidly. (With this motion, the rosy colors in her wings drizzle away like rivulets of water, replaced with the usual blues and violets.) It'd have been nice to squeeze in another hour of beauty sleep in at least. Another hour of escaping the hazardous mess her life turned into ever since she poked that damned cube. Like this, Lettie allows herself to be led by Marjorie to the table, staring down at the plate of gray slush in front of her. "Yeah. Shiny's nice." She muses sleepily, still not fully with it. Damn. It'd have been nice to spruce this meal up with some of the wild berries from that lost forest before. Unfortunately, the only flavorful thing she has in her possession is that gum that she never ended up giving to the centipede woman. That negotiation could have worked... eventually... had it not turned into an overcomplicated mess of misunderstandings. Homo pirate. Flies. Pffft.

Lettie take a few bites of the gruel despite her better judgement, tilting her head to indicate to Marjorie that she's been listening to her story. Well, at least the skellies ended up having a blast on the other world. A race on the airship would've been sick compared to her own misadventures. By the time she swallows for her eighth mouthful, her eyes sharpen with the realization that-- all that time she'd been eating bugs-- they've had this sludge on board!? (Like sure, it's sludge and nothing to salivate over. But much, much appealing compared to roast fucking wasp! What the fuck!?) She swallows her ninth mouthful bitterly, making a mental note to get back at Juju for this. One day she will. She doesn't know how yet, but... one day.

Gradually making her way towards some semblance of wakefulness, Lettie begins to piece together all the data she's assessed thus far. (Like, not to sound like a nerd or anything. Figuring out the cube's patterns has become a matter of life or death!) Again, they landed on the ship. Even when said ship was nowhere in their range when the cube blasted them to a new world. (Too bad she wasn't conscious for her first landing to test the reaction! Did it imprint on the ship when she first landed somehow? Because regardless of how far away the ship and the skeleton crew were, they were always whisked off along with herself and Juno.) Considering there's a noticeable lack of centipede woman or lizard bird aboard... there's something to be said for the reasons why it only affects herself and Juno as well. (Then there was Carpet, who was burnt to a crisp!) Ugh. How confusing! Next time she has the cube, she needs to run some tests--

Noticing Juno by the window, clearly distracted with peering out at the new world they've landed on Lettie tries pulling discreetly at Marjorie's elbow.

"Marjorie. Where's my cube--?" Lettie whispers the question, the the point where she's practically mouthing it. By this point she's figured that the most likely scenario of all of this (along with her and Juno's shared confusion) is that the skellies lumped them into bed together after finding them on deck. If that's the case, then obviously the skeleton crew are the ones she needs to turn to for intel on the cube's whereabouts! Before anything can come of this, though, that's when the robot appears in the room and scans the vicinity.

Lettie shields her eyes and squints in the light... only for them to widen with a light all of their own at the mention of treasure. The equivalent of a trillion gold coins? Is this thing for real? This isn't money raining from the heavens, sure, but it's close enough! (Okay, yes. A little nasally voice of reason in her head is saying this whole thing sounds like a scam. But... grim as it sounds, it's not like she's got anything to lose right now but her life. And that's totally forfeit if she makes it back with a little... ah, compensation. Why not take any chance offered to her?) Scrambling to her feet, she's instantly ready to go. Whatever this competition is, she's fucking winning.

"Take a chance! Do a dance! Reconvene outside in five," The robot swirls their hips and their voice echoes the word 'five' in a variety of different voices, sounding as though they were taken from various radio recordings throughout history. "Five minutes. The competition is aboooout to begin!" With a theatric little bow (or as theatric a bow as a robot can take) it crashes out through the side of the ship instead of the window, leaving a big robot-shaped hole, and zips into the glittering sky outside.

Five minutes! Before anyone can blink, Lettie practically materializes across the room in Juno's closet to find something to wear. Ugh. Everything looks more or less the same! There's no variety whatsoever.

"We need more clothes." The faerie announces sourly as she grabs and changes into the most acceptable garments she can find. With a flick of her wrist, she does the best she can to glyph one of Juno's long shirts into a sparkly, futuristic dress to accommodate their new setting. Marjorie, being the absolute gem she is, claps her hands together as Lettie does a little twirl to show off her handiwork. What? If she's coming to compete, she needs to look her best! Hm. Speaking of, it's time to do something new with her hair. She'd been in the mood for pink hair the other day... and hardly got to wear the color thanks to Juju and her homicidal tendencies. So pink it is. Perfect too, because it compliments her outfit!

"Alright! I've got a competition to win. Come on Juju, get ready! We can't be late!" Lettie sings over her shoulder as she whisks herself out of the pirate's room.
 
"Well I'm not fuckin' doing any of that shit," the pirate mumbles, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. Yeah, any competition where the prize is set that high is obviously not fucking real––like, who even has one trillion gold pieces? Certainly not the Duchess or the head of the stewards and probably not even both of them combined! Needless to say, the pirate is not convinced that the robot is telling the truth. Juno doesn't know what game the robot is trying to get at, and she doesn't care enough to find out. She doesn't want to fuckin' play. She stalks off towards the desk and slumps down into the chair, somehow not noticing that Marjorie set out two bowls of gruel when the faerie is supposed to be on a strict bug ration diet. She just grabs the spoon and continues eating what the faerie had left behind when she went to go raid––

"Hey!" she rises from her chair so fast that it topples over, then slams the bowl of gruel down onto the tray with a clatter. (The gruel jiggles enthusiastically.) "What the fuck do you mean we––these are MY fucking clothes. You shoulda packed a bigger fucking bag if you were going to take a long vacation ruining people's lives. By the way, are you having fun, toots? Sent any postcards to your Ma and Pa?" But of course Orla isn't listening. She's just taking whatever she wants and––oh that is is it. Juno is going to murder her. It's murder time. (Okay, she does see how the faerie jumped to the conclusion that she's a homicidal pirate.) She doesn't think she is overreacting. The faerie fucking ruined her clothes! What the fuck is she even wearing!? "Are you trying to masquerade as a fucking disco ball? You look fucking awful. Disgusting. Most horrible little cretin I have ever seen."

"Captain!" Marjorie gasps, swiftly smacking the pirate upside her head. "Apologize to your guest right this very instance! Ms. Radiata looks absolutely stunning! Marvelous! Could steal the entire show and I would thank her––unless it were my wedding day. In that case, respectfully," she gives an apologetic look, "I would have to slap her."

Obviously, Juno doesn't listen to her boneheaded crew member. She's a bunch of bones and the day that Juno actually listens to them will be the day that entire universe collapses. (Although seeing as how that has basically happened, she's clearly taken a misstep somewhere.) Instead of listening Marjorie, she scowls at her, rubs the back of her head, and then dives into her wardrobe to throw on a random assortment of (black) clothes. (The perks of only discovering one part of the color spectrum: everything matches.) She's hopping into her boots as the faerie dashes out the room and a few seconds later she's chasing after her.

Again, the pirate is not particularly interested in participating in this fucking scam––and she won't––but she does want to tear that robot's head off for breaking a window and punching a fucking hole through the side of her ship. Afterwards, she will seek revenge on the faerie for raiding her wardrobe and fucking ruining it. Of course, she isn't picky about what order this all happens in and is perfectly fine getting revenge and then tearing off heads. "Don't think I'm participating in your fucking dance competition––you know that it's totally fuckin' fake, right, bug brains?"

However, regardless of whether or not Juno wants to participate, there doesn't seem to be an actual choice. Once they meet up with the robot, it bows once more and then (attempts) to snap it's metallic fingers. Sparks fly between its thumb and forefinger and the cube filled landscape starts to break apart and reform around them. Underneath both their feet, they are raised onto two (cube shaped) columns; the lights around them dim and the only real lighting comes from the shining spotlights above (it catches perfectly on the faerie's obnoxiously sparkly outfit); then, an entire stadium materializes around them with an audience made entirely of cubes. Before Juno's catch phrase can even leave her lips, another spotlight beams down at the center of the stadium, focused on the robot who fucking destroyed Juno's ship. The robot does a little wave and the crowd around them jumps up and down, clinking together in excitement. Some of the cube's playback audience cheers, but it's overall just fucking weird. Juno doesn't even fully register what is going on and doesn't care to figure it out. She is here for one reason only and she plans to address it. "Hey! You owe me a new fucking window and wall, you piece of scrap metal!"

"Incorrect, contestant Ju-no," the bot replies, "Please do not speak until it is your turn to answer questions." And before Juno can even ask any questions, the robot launches into the air and spins around, it's shiny body twinkling against the lighting. "Greeeetings! Ladies, gentleman, people, and cubes! Welcome to..." the audience does a little drumroll, "Hey, I Know You!"

What. The. Fuck.

"The rules of the game are simple––answer these questions about your companion and fellow handler and win a prize worth one trillion gold coins!" The audience cheers, but really it's just a combination of clanking together and recordings of an audience that are probably dead. The bot turns to the faerie. "We shall start with you, faerie." Dramatic pause. "What is pirate's astrological sun, moon, and rising?? Also known as... the BIG three. There are only 1,727 wrong answers. No pressure." And to punctuate just how no pressure this is? Cube sharks materialize below their columns. "C'mon, miss! I know you've got this answer in you––will you two be our next Julius and Emmet dream team?"
 
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Lettie hears the pirate's warning as well as she can hear the voice in her head telling her over and over again that the robot's offer is too scammy to be legit. But haha, too bad that she isn't inclined to listen to either of them right as she prances eagerly towards the stage that's been set for them. The glitz and glamor of the setup is something she can totally get behind. She shines like a diamond as she basks in the applause. The pillars seem to her like an appropriately dramatic stage for her to kick the pirate's ass in this competition. (Never mind the fact that Juno did not sound all that enthusiastic about participating. They're both elevated into the spotlight regardless, so the better route is definitely to win the suspiciously cube-shaped crowd over with a charming smile than groan and scowl.) The cube. Another panicked voice in the back of her head speaks to her with this revelation. Deciding to trust for now that she can wheedle it from the skeleton crew later, she decides it's not going to be an issue. It isn't an issue until she has reason to believe it's an issue, right? Right!?

Of course, then the faerie's grin flattens with the implication that she and Juno are going to be a dream team. No! No, no, no. This isn't how this is supposed to go! Not at all! Where's all the theatric prodding to feed their rivalry, to take each other down? (Okay, so some part of her priorities may align with beating the pirate at a game. Swimming in treasure to make her jealous. Getting off this world and proceeding to live a carefree life where all her debts are paid.) Dream team. Pfft! More like watching her dreams get torn apart right before her eyes!

"Wait a sec! I thought we were compe--"

"Shush! We are live! Our audience is waiting with baited breath for your answer!" The robot stresses, twitchily wagging their finger back and forth.Despite the fact that they are robots and cubes and do not breathe. And also despite the fact that this is not being televised anywhere... due to the obvious lack of cameras and a crew. (Unless the robots are recording this for some reason? Lettie shakes off the thought, deciding not to overthink it for now.) "Answer the question!"

Lettie's pillar shakes as if to raise the stakes and she gulps at the sight of the sharks circling their platforms down below. Unfortunately, none of them appear nearly as friendly as Sir Regis had. "Fine, fine!" The faerie brings her hands to the sides of her head, as if trying to divine the answers from some arcane mysterious forces. Or perhaps the stars themselves? It doesn't do shit. She just has to fucking guess and hope for the best. (Geez. What the fuck kind of competition is this, anyway!? Why do these robots expect her to know Juno's signs?) "Aries sun. Virgo moon. Capricorn rising?"
Uh oh. A harsh, penalizing buzzer rings out and both their platforms drop closer to the sharks below. Yikes! The fact that both of them are being punished only solidifies the fact that they're in this together, whether they like it or not.

"Oh, so sorry! But fear not-- you have two opportunities to save!" The robot offers as the audience collectively gasps. "And here come the questions. Are you ready!?" Did that count as a question or--? But no, the robot keeps going... and this question somehow finds a way to be even more ridiculous than the first. "What was the fifth word the pirate said to you?"

"...Princess?" From what Lettie can remember of waking up in that cell, the nickname is the first word that pops into her head.

"Oh so close! That was actually the third word!" When the robot announces this, the audience 'aws' in sympathy.

"Oh fuck. Wait, wait! I change my mind. It was 'fucking', wasn't it? Or fuck!" Lettie smacks her fist to her palm. Damn. Should've gone with her first instinct on that one instead of trying to rely on her memories. (In her defense, she'd been waking after a pretty gnarly fall, okay!? Besides, how could anyone be expected to get a question like that right? Like... this isn't even the kind of test she can cheat on.)

"Nope! The fifth word was none other than 'a'!" The robot announces. The audience gasps as well... although the word 'a' is certainly nothing to gasp over. What the actual fuck!? The obnoxious buzzer rings out again and their platforms fall even closer to the sharks. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Final chance to save! Is she going to get it right, folks!?" The robot raises their arms to the audience, as if attempting to hype them up. The commotion does nothing but make the faerie's head spin. "This one's going to be a doozy. Prepare yourself! Are you prepared? Good! Now... what is the pirate's name?"

"Juno." Lettie replies flatly, almost as if it's a question in itself. Like. Is this question for real? 'Cause compared to the other two, it's a gimme!

Apparently the question isn't not a cruel joke, because the word 'congratulations' flashes over their heads in fireworks and a bucketful of rainbow confetti rains down over them from some kind of drone buzzing above them. Definitely kicking up way more of a celebration than the answer entails... genuinely makes it feel more patronizing than anything else. Nonetheless, their platforms rise again, keeping them at a safer distance from the sharks. Just so they can live on to hear another insufferable question. Yippie.

"Excellent! Egg-celent!" The robot's voice fizzes for a moment before coming back into focus. "Now, Ju-no! It is your turn! The faerie's astrological sun, moon and rising if you please?"

Ah ha. Now this is where Lettie sees the opportunity to cheat. If she and Juno have to act as a 'team', then she's sure as hell going to use underhanded means to get that prize! They're still winning this! Even if the odds seem impossible-- the faerie knows this answer. Gesturing wildly to get Juno's attention, she first zig-zags her hand in a motion that replicates her Aquarius sun. Then she goes on to curl her fingers into two little horns for her Aries moon. And finally? She motions her arms like she's a fish swimming in the sea for her Pisces rising. Heh. There's no way she can mess this up now, right? Her plan is brilliant! Foolproof!
 
Alright. So it looks like Juno has no fucking choice but to compete in this stupid game. Like, call her insane or whatever, but she doesn't exactly want to become shark feed. That would be a rather pathetic way to die. Mostly because she won't have fucking accomplished her one (1) goal of destroying the fucking faerie. She grumbles incoherently, crossing her arms over her chest with a scowl settled on her face. 'This is the faerie's fucking fault. She led you fucking here and now you're forced to play in this stupid fucking game that is a waste of fucking time when we should be figure out how to get off this stupid world. I do not want to end up fucking stuck here!' She also makes a note to search for the cube later and, in the meantime, keep bugsy close in case her magic circle is harboring the fucking object.

Though it seems they're going to die because the faerie doesn't know her sign. (What kind of fucking question is that, anyway? As if that's important. Astrology is fake as fuck.) Before the pirate can tilt her head back and groan, the platform drops and she almost falls on her ass. Then it drops again. "You fucking faerie!" Juno hisses, waving her arms frantically through the air to balance herself. "Quit fucking this up!!" (Not that Juno can even blame her. Why would she know any of this stuff? Who even pays attention to the fifth word someone ever speaks to them? Thank the fucking goddess the pirate isn't going to get these fucking questions.) Thankfully, the fucking faerie knows the answer to the robot's last question and they aren't eaten. Juno can't decide whether or not she's relieved by this, because then the spotlight's are all on her and––as if by some cruel sick joke––a jumbotron materializes out of nothing with Juno's face plastered all over it. She can't see the camera, but it pans up her figure and makes sure to pay extra special attention to Juno's muscles. (A sparkly heart filter is added.) "What..." The pirate is so shocked she can't even finish her catchphrase. Now she wishes she were wearing a coat because this is fucking uncomfortable. She settles for crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the robot.

Except then the robot asks its question and all she can think is, 'Ohshit.' She drops her arms and rolls her eyes dramatically. Then she tosses them up in the air, giving up without even trying. (Does she see the bug trying to get her attention? Yes, she does. She even makes eye contact with her and rolls them. She also maybe flips her off.) "And why the fuck would anyone know that? Astrology isn't fucking real––stars can't fucking control us, dipshit."

"Spoken like a true Capricorn, Ju-no," The audience even plays back a few laugh tracks to further mock the pirate. Though she's not laughing. Especially not when their cube stack drops as a result of her not knowing about a fake science. Or religion. Or whatever it is. "But that is not the answer that we are looking for. But don't worry! You will also have a chance at a saaave!" On the last word, the robot does another dramatic twirl and the audience (of cubes) goes absolutely nuts over this. When it settles back down, it pretends to clear its throat and returns to business. "What color is the faerie's hair?"

"Teal."

"Wrong!" the robot sings, cheerily as the pair drop once more. "Alright, Ju-no, if you miss this next question you and your girlfriend," ("I will tear off your head!") "will get an exclusive, once in the lifetime chance to meet our friends, Bruce, Terrance, and Angus!" On cue, the sharks jump out of the water and twist through the air. Goddess. They are probably dead. All because these questions are things that no one would know the answer to. (Yes, including one's hair color! What's the point of paying attention to that!?) "Because we like you and would like to see you for one more round... What. Is Olette's name?"

"Who?"

"Oh, so sorry! No, that is not Olette's name. Olette's name is Olette." The spotlights all pan over to the stupidly sparkly faerie. Juno stares at her blankly, not getting the picture. A bright neon sign appears above the faerie's head, flashing the word 'Olette.' Still nothing. Neon arrows are added all pointing towards the faerie. The faerie. Olette. Arrows pointing towards her. 'Oh!' "Your name's Olette?"

"Yooooooouuuuu!!!! LOOOOOOOOOSE!" The robot announces (now both of their faces are plastered across the jumbotron with the word 'loser' stamped over their foreheads). "The prize for losing is––"

Riiing. Riiing. Riiing.

"Oh, folks and cubes! Looks like the Overlord Controller is calling us on our handy dandy tela-phony-loney!" Out of nowhere, a metallic rotary dial phone emerges from the dark. The robot makes a huge show of picking up the call; the cube's all scoot to the edge of their seat. "Yelloow, Rob-otto, here. Mhm. Mhm. Okay. You got it. You're the boss, cube!"

Juno has a feeling she is going to hate this.

"Alright, folks, time for a good ol' fashion: Double or Nothing Bonus Round. Are you ready, nightmare pair?" The robot pauses for dramatic effect. "Compliment your companion."
 
Teal!? Is... is Juno colorblind? Because Lettie is genuinely wondering at this point. Nothing about the color pink even remotely resembles teal. Like, maybe she'd have understood getting teal from blue or green... but it's pink. It's obviously pink! All the pirate would've had to do is just look over at her to see this. Compared to the bullshit fifth word question, this one's easy peasy! A piece of fucking cake! And-- wait a sec! When she pauses to consider the pirate's reaction to having her edgy getup turned pink, it clicks that colorblindness isn't even an excuse in this case!

Lettie glares daggers across the platforms as she tries to figure out Juno's angle, twirling a strand of distinctly pink hair around her finger. (She has to make an active effort not to look at the jumbotron, which is still broadcasting the pirate's stupid, buff arms while hovering around like an annoying fly. Focus!) Is she fucking this up on purpose? Just to be a thorn in her side? But what good is it going to do her, if they both end up swimming with the sharks!? Sure, she's resigned herself to the fact that the pirate seems to have made it her life's mission to ruin everything (ever since she ditched her ship to chase her in volcano world!) but what's the point if they both go down? The faerie's so busy trying to understand her enemy's intentions that for once she completely misses the insinuation that they're girlfriends. Again.

What is Olette's name? Lettie does hear the robot's next question, though. She hears it loud and clear. And it's an obvious giveaway. The answer is in the question and everything! And what does the fucking pirate say...? Who! Who!? The fact that the pirate's genuine and obvious confusion leads to a whole light show production to take to get her to notice is--

"Yes, dipshit! My name's Olette! You seriously didn't know!?" Lettie seethes, balling her hands into fists at her sides. (The faerie swears if she had something to throw, she'd have thrown it at Juno by now. Juno, whose name she remembers because she's heard it more than one time! Sure they aren't besties-- but they're rivals, right? It's a necessity to know the name of a rival! It might as well be written in bold on the first page of the enemies handbook. The pirate's whole crew knew her name, as did that cowboy hunter guy, and so do all of these robots apparently!) She's not even concerned that they're about to fall into the sharks because the pirate answered all three of her questions wrong. Three questions that she should've gotten right, for the record! She flat out cheated to give her the appropriate astrology signs and-- and the other two were no-brainers! "Marjorie uses my name all the time! So does Inez... and even Abigail knows it! How come your head is emptier than all of theirs combined!?"

The faerie continues to rant on to herself under her breath, her boiling rage burning even hotter upon seeing the 'loser' label flash over her pretty face. This has taken the worst possible turn. Why does she have to be called a loser for the pirate's shortcomings? To add insult to injury, this also means they're gonna die. They're gonna feed the sharks and she'll end with that visual imprinted in her mind, of her face with the word 'loser' scrolling across her forehead. Except death isn't the resolution, apparently, when someone called 'cube' calls in last minute with a new round.

Still reeling over the fact that Juno didn't know her name, it doesn't occur to Lettie yet that cube could mean the cube. But it will...

Anyway, this next game sounds easy enough. Compliments! Lettie knows a thing or two about giving mean false compliments. It comes with working countless jobs that call for obligatory pleasantries and a charming little smile. However, the thread tethering her to this particular skill (and the last of her patience) has unfortunately snapped. The idea of complimenting anyone, let alone the pirate, is the last thing she wants to do right now. If she goes out, she'd like to go with her pride intact, thanks! Besides, it's not like Juno will follow the rules, either! So why should she make an effort to play nice when the pirate is going to no doubt find a way fail spectacularly anyway?

"Aw Juju. I love how fucking stupid you are." Lettie flutters her eyelashes, her words somehow candy-coated and dripping with poison all at once. Hehe. How's that for a compliment? "It reminds me of how smart I am in comparison!"

"Ah-- that's ah-- love, love lo-- stupid, love." The robot glitches out for a moment, it's head detaching and spinning like a top as it tries to sort out whether the faerie's words are positive or negative. "Well she used the word love, folks, so it must've been good!" The audience cheers enthusiastically and Lettie slaps her forehead. Their robotic host, completely unfazed, turns to the pirate. "Your turn, Ju-no! Compliment your sparkly girlfriend! Doesn't she shine like a diamond?" The robot then rubs their head with a sheepish yet mechanic laugh. If robots could blush, this one would probably be blushing right now. "Oops! Almost forgot I wasn't a contestant there myself! Don't leave us hanging, homo pirate."

Another jumbotron assembles footage of them sleeping in Juno's bed. Spooning in Juno's bed to be more precise. And the camera zooms in specifically on the dopey smile on the pirate's face. Heh. Lettie almost forgets her annoyance long enough to laugh. Almost. Until the implications sink in. Wait a sec...

"See? Look at how sweet they are. They have so much potential, don't they!? That's why we're giving them this-- how many second chances have we given them again? Oh, who cares! That's why we're giving them this chance!" The audience 'aws'. Seriously, what the fuck!? Have they been taking footage of them ever since this morning!? (Then again... she supposes that also warrants asking how and why these robots know so much about them both to begin with.) "The footage doesn't lie! You have a sweet and gooey center beneath that stormy exterior of yours, don't you Ju-no? So let's hear it!"
 
Dipshit? As if it's a big deal to not know someone's fucking name. People hardly ever stay in the pirate's life long enough to warrant her remembering their names––they either die, disappear, or fuck off. To her, it's not worth getting fucking attached and that starts with knowing someone's name. Before that, they're just a face you can hate. Names are stories, after all. "Please, it's not like you know my name––you never fucking use it." Actually, she has but the pirate doesn't remember those rare instances. She only remembers Juju. "And I barely just learned the skeletons even have names so it's nothing personal, disco tits. I just don't give two shits about you." That does make it hard to explain why she is putting forth so much effort into making sure the faerie suffers. "But if it'll soothe your wounded little pride and boost morale, I'll start using your name, Octavia." It surely is boosting Juno's morale to see the faerie riled up over something as trivial as not knowing another person's name. (And, yes, now the pirate is committed to never knowing Olette's name. Er, O-something's name, she means.)

"Awww," the robot sighs, dreamily, and the audience joins in with their own chorus of 'aww.' "Look at these two lovebirds flirting."

That comment earns the robot a glare so fierce it causes its bolts to rattle. Again, the little fuck pretends to clear its throat and focuses its attention (and the spotlight) back on the faerie (whose name she definitely still has not learned). It really does not surprise Juno that she'd choose risking their lives over sparing the pirate a wee little compliment. Though the pirate can't say she's angry about it––she would have expected nothing less from the bug. She crosses her arms over her chest and rolls her eyes. "Ohh, sick burn, did your mommy help you come up with that one, Oriana?" She is totally prepared for those to be her last words since the faerie so obviously threw their last chance at not being eaten by fucking sharks. Whatever. Juno cannot be assed to care.

Except, unfortunately, the robot is a stupid little fuck and somehow misinterprets everything Olette––O-something said. This honestly shouldn't be that fucking surprising since it also seems to think that they're girlfriends. As if Juno would ever (1) date and (2) date the faerie of all people. Before the pirate can even be annoyed about this, the spotlights are shining back on her and the robot is, once more, suggesting that they are girlfriends. To make matters even worse? The fucking jumbotron is now displaying to the entire fucking world (of cubes) that Juno is a little spoon––that's private fucking information! (She doesn't even register how creepy it is that there is footage of them from inside her bedroom.)

"She's not my girlfriend, you metallic turd!" the pirate shouts, reaching for her whip to knock this bastard's head clean off its body. Or she would have done that had her whip been on her hip. Immediately, she shoots an accusatory glare over at the faerie.

"Sorry, homo pirate, Ju-no. There are no weapons allowed."

Juno shrugs and reaches for her bones (also not there).

"...or magic. Well, aside from the magic of friendship."

Fine. That just means that she only has her fists to rely on, but with a decent amount of distance to cover between herself and the robot... She won't be able to reach it. Not currently. If she pays the faerie a compliment will that raise their platforms enough that she'll be able to tear the robot's head from its body? Hmm... "Ollie," since she does (miraculously) recall that she hadn't minded that nickname, "Your ability to fuck-up really fucking astounds me. I think you should be given a gold medal in being the worlds' biggest fuck up, in fact!" She beams wryly. (See, if the robot thought Olette's earlier comment was a compliment then surely––)

"Oooh, so close, contestant homo pirate! You were off to a great start and fumbled somewhere around one of the [bleeps]." The robot sighs, shaking its head. Though it can't be too torn up about this, because it regains its usual cheer rather quickly. "Alriiiiighty folks and cubes, unless the Overlord Controller steps in, it seems we are about to enter our second phase of the night: Shark Fight! If our two nightmares can stand their own against Brurrangus," who? What? "Then they will win the prize equivalent to one trillion gold coins!"

And rather than explain anything to them, their platforms drop beneath their feet and the pair fall into the shark infested waters below. Juno kicks her way back up to the surface of the water and almost wishes she had drowned instead, because if three sharks weren't bad enough? Then one fucking humongous shark ought to be. (The audience plays back feed of the robot saying 'Brurrangus' by way of chanting.) The giant shark (Brurrangus) isn't even just one large great white. It's a large fucking great white shark with human arms and legs. 'What the fuck!?' "Great, we're fucking dying because you can't say one nice fucking thing about me."

"Not so fast, Ju-no! The Overlord Controller has granted you and your sparkly girlfriend a fighting bot!!" When the robot announces this, the pair are poofed into a giant 'bot. "You will control the legs and Ms. Olette will take the upper half. Communication will be key, my doomed friends!"

A bell rings, signalling the start of the fight, and Brurrangus does not hesitate to swing.
 
Lettie giggles impishly and sticks out her tongue around the time that the robot implies that Juno fu-- ahem, bleeped it all up. Hehe. Sure, sure they're on a team (whatever)-- but watching the pirate fail to replicating her expert strategy is funny enough for her to forget that fact for one blissful moment. It's a nice moment. (She has to take what she can get, okay? Especially after suffering the great offense that was realizing the pirate couldn't be arsed to commit her name to memory.) Lasts for only a few seconds though before the robot starts talking about shark fight? Shark fight!? Brurrangus? Excuse the faerie's language, but what the bleep!?

One trillion gold coins. One trillion gold coins. Lettie knows there are a trillion reasons why this whole thing is probably a hoax, that this promise might amount to nothing but disappointment. But she can't help but hold onto the hope that it might turn into something good if she tries. What else does she have right now except for a stupid little world warping cube? Besides... they're already playing this game as it is. So why not play to win? Then again, all her chances were shot the second that robot implied they were supposed to be a dream team. Now they're a notorious nightmare team and everything!

Cube. Cube... speaking of which, there are so many cubes in this world. Lettie wonders to herself if this is where the cube-- her cube-- truly comes from. Maybe the robot knows? Is there some key... or even a manual to figuring out the way it works around here? (The skeletons have the real one, right? 'Cause if it's lost somewhere among all of these cubes, haha... nah. That's not possible! It better not be possible.) Before she can put this thought into words, though, she vaugely remembers what the robot had to say about shark fights and the platform gives out right from under her--!

Splash! Lettie flinches as her broken wing smacks against the surface of the water. Panicked, she flails as she tries to keep herself afloat. (Ugh. Water. Does nothing but remind her of those horrible mermaids. Picking at her wings like a lovesick maiden plucks petals off a daisy, yanking her underwater just to have some 'innocent' fun...fucking mermaids.) Thankfully Juno interrupts with her irritating quip and the memory is quickly replaced with the urge to strangle a fucking pirate. "Excuse me? This is your fucking fault--!" The faerie lunges towards her, her hands so close to wrapping around the other woman's neck when... poof!

Now they're in... a giant fighting robot!? Lettie blinks, gazing wide-eyed at their surroundings. Oh. Stars. She can't even find it in her to be mad that Juno's been spared from her attack.This tech is so advanced, so beautiful. And the view from up above in the top half of the bot? Glorious. Powerful. Without even thinking much about it, she automatically glyphs herself in a suit to match aesthetically with her new environment and puts on her game face. This can be fun. This can be really fun... that is if the pirate doesn't force their trusty battle bot to trip over its own feet.

Seeing the swing coming at them, Lettie crosses her arms defensively and watches with a smirk as the robot mirrors her actions and effectively (miraculously) blocks the shark's hit. Alright. Okay. If she pretends it's all an arcade game, like one of those she and Ravan used to play, she can ignore the fact that they're dealing with a very real shark and the risks of suffering a very real set of consequences for failing so hard at all the other challenges thus far. No need to freak, right? She's no longer a faerie with tiny faerie punches. She's in a fucking fighter bot! With big, fearsome fists. (Heh. Bigger and more fearsome fists than Juno's, even with her stupid buff arms.) She claps her hands excitedly, the fighter bot mimicking her excitable, girlish motions before she pulls one of her hand into a fist.

"Take this, Brurrangus!" Lettie knocks the shark with an uppercut and then a swift left hook, watching with excitement as the hits land and the shark stumbles backward. Hell yeah! Sweet! The crowd reacts with a mingling of gasps and applause and the faerie totally would've struck a pose had she been in control of the robot with her whole body. Unfortunately, the lower half isn't going to cooperate anytime soon... mainly because Juju is in charge of the lower half and expecting her to cooperate is like expecting money to grow from trees. So she settles with blowing a kiss and then flashing a peace sign to keep their audience entertained. The shark stands and backs up, taking a more defensive stance to await their next attack. Lettie taps her hips, as if that might get the lower half of the bot to move. "Come on, Juju! This is our last shot! Don't you wanna win some treasure!? You're a pirate! Yar har and all. This is your whole... shtick."

Alright listen. The faerie's trying, okay!?

"So, what'll it be!? Will these adoraboo nightmare girlfriends pull it together in time to land the final blow!? Submit your bets now, ladies, gentlemen, people and cubes!" The robot's voice is filtering through a speaker into their fighting bot and Lettie's focus slips long enough for her to seethe over it. This girlfriend bullshit again!? Where is literally everyone getting this impression from!? She and Juno go about as well together as a diamond necklace and a trash bag. "Olette and Juno together makes... Julette! Or perhaps Ono? Oh no!"

"Then again..." Lettie considers their situation from a brand new angle. Hmmm. "If you jump high enough, I bet we could destroy that fucking robot host and take it by force. He's slandering me, Juju! Insinuating that I'm your girlfriend? Pfft. As if!"
 
Juno could think of way better uses for that tongue than using it to be a fucking brat. (Hmm, Juno doesn't want to think about why her brain decided to supply that suggestion and so she won't. If she ignores it long enough and hard enough then it will surely disappear along with the rest of her problems. That is how it has always worked, after all! It worked when she needed to forget about all the crimes of her childhood and how much guilt she carries for not being able to... Nevermind. See, it works!) Like, if the faerie really thinks it's fucking necessary to taunt her even when they're about to die then so be it. Not like the pirate can stop her from being a fucking dumbass; she has already tried to save her from that plight and failed, because dumbasses tend to not think they are dumbasses. It's so unfortunate and Juno almost finds herself sympathesizin––

"H-hey! Knock it off––" the pirate shouts, flailing around in the water, trying to splash the faerie away from her before she can attempt to choke her out. Thankfully, and Juno cannot believe she is even thinking this, the robot comes in for the save.

...By placing them in a giant robot.

The gratitude is short lived when Juno realizes she's been given the fucking legs to control. The legs. What the fuck can legs even do in a fight!? Everyone knows fights are about punching, chokeholds, and more fucking punching! Yeah, if you can get in a good knee or a roundhouse kick to the face, that is pretty cool but it's fucking auxiliary to the fucking fists! (Yes, Juno is wondering if she and the robot are flexible enough to kick the top half in the face.) Even if her own thighs could easily crush skulls, she's not going to go into a fight trying to trap someone between her thighs. (That's reserved for a different type of wrestling entirely.)

Anyway, the pirate is pissed off enough about this development that she doesn't even notice (1) how advanced this technology is or (2) that Brurrangus is coming in swinging. Not that she notices this either, but she's lucky the faerie is paying attention and is stealing all the action while Juno stands in her half of the bot with her arms crossed over her chest. "This is fucking stupid. This entire game is fucking rigged so we fucking lose," the pirate complains, not at all realizing that everything she says is playing through the robot's communication system. She slumps down onto the ground, sitting cross legged, and is surprised when she feels the entire robot splash into the water to mimic her movements. 'Right you're the fucking bottom... legs. You're the fucking legs.' She sighs, picking at a stain on her pants while the faerie has the time of her life. The time of her life that Juno should be having. She has the better arms between the two of them, objectively speaking, and therefore she should have been given the punching fists. Plus, plus, everyone should fucking know by now that the faerie is fucking faster than the pirate given the amount of times she has had to chase after her.

Ah, but apparently the faerie wants to use this moment to further torment the pirate because she's a fucking evil little bitch. Juno tries to block out the incessant noise with a loud and exaggerated groan. "Could ya maybe try shutting the fuck up? I know how to be fucking legs. It's not that fucking hard and I'm doing exactly what legs are supposed to be doing––being fucking useless in a fight." Okay, even she knows she's just being stubborn about this, but this won't stop the pirate from throwing her little fit just because she didn't get to be the top half of the robot. "And what fucking pirate stories are you reading!? When the fuck have I ever said arrgh!? And we don't fucking go on treasure hunts––we fucking rob cargo ships, mostly." Searching for treasure would be fucking pointless. Especially on Juno's garbage planet where she's more than likely just to come across, you guessed it, garbage.

Now while Juno had been prepared to just sit there and let Brurrangus tear them apart, the robot, once again, insinuates that they're girlfriends and the faerie uses her single braincell to come up with her first good idea. (Now just how to make it seem like it was Juno's idea because she doesn't exactly want to go along with the faerie's plan.) "Please, like it's fucking great for my reputation to be caught with someone like you."

Alright, as much as she'd love to continue bickering with Ol––the faerie, the giant mutant shark is not about to wait for them to finish their conversation (fucking rude). The pirate sighs and gets up from the ground, their giant fighting robot following suit. "And just to get one thing fucking clear," Juno says, lowering herself into a squat position, "I'm not fucking doing this for you. This is because that fucking robot is an obnoxious fuck and I'm fucking sick and tired of being stuck on this gameshow. You better fucking cube us out of here after you fucking realize this entire thing was a fucking hoax, bitch." On the last word, Juno pushes off the ground and sends the robot skyrocketing through the air. As it soars Juno is somehow also suspended in midair within the bot. Once it reaches its peak height, she reaches backwards to grab onto her ankles, forming an arrow with both her body and the bot's, aiming straight for that little fuck gameshow host.

"Haha," the robot laughs nervously, "Uhh, you gals are planning on taking out Brurrangus, right? Because it sure––"

Crunch!

Heh.

Confetti cannons explode through the arena, the cube audience goes wild with cheers, and their faces are once more displayed across the jumbotron––this time with 'winners' stamped across the foreheads. Their fighter robot poofs out of existence, leaving Juno flailing in the air as she falls towards a well-placed life raft. Naturally, the faerie falls on top of her and the crowd 'awws.' Once the jumbotron has finished showing their faces, it puts together a montage titled 'Ono's Classic Moments.' (How the fuck did that shiny little fuck put this together so fast?) It starts with Juno picking up the faerie's limp body back when she crashed on her ship; Juno saving O-something from the nightmares; the faerie throwing a snowball at Juno; them basking in the wreckage of the destroyed candy house; them chasing each other on aquatic sea creatures; etc., etc., etc.

"What. the. fuck." Juno is far, far too creeped out to say anything more than that and her stupor is only broken when she notices an orb floating down towards them. It's shiny, opalescent, and Juno reaches for it before it comes down to the faerie's level. The orb or whatever pops in Juno's hands and a voice, the dead robot gameshow host's voice, announces, "CONGRATULATIONS, HANDLERS! You have won the super special, super precious, and some might even say priceless prize that is..." the audience does a drumroll, "Friendship."
 
Lettie claps her hands excitedly (the fighter robot following her lead, girlishly tapping its hands together as Juno makes it stand) as by some miracle, the pirate actually decides to go along with her genius plan. Knowing them, the argument could've lasted long enough for Brurrangus to punch them and their bot into the atmosphere. Then they'd have loser splashed across their foreheads again and that'd be totally unacceptable! Because the faerie is not a loser. "Yes!" She cheers under her breath, pumping her fist and failing to realize that, yes, the fighter bot mimics this action as well. Then she flips her hair (the bot doing this too despite not having hair) and inhales a steeling breath in preparation as the pirate uses the bot's legs to launch them into the air. To make their bot look even more powerful, the faerie smirks and t-poses as they go down, down, down and kick the host robot's lights out. Hell yeah! She's so high off the drama and the action that she doesn't even panic as the bot poofs away and she lands on top of Juno in the conveniently placed life raft. (If anything, she's just content to be landing on top again, after having her poor wing crushed one too many times.) Thinking outside of the box! Yep, that's her! The jumbotron amends the wrongfully placed 'loser' label over her head with 'winner', confetti sprinkles in her hair and... and then there's the footage?

Heh. Lettie almost laughs at the broadcasted footage of herself decking Juno with a snowball (thank goodness someone got that on camera) but only almost, because there's no ignoring fact that all of this footage of them across different worlds is fucking creepy. How did they get it in the first place? Who is they? And who knows how much blackmail material these robots have on them!? They don't seem particularly malicious in nature, but...

Scrap that. These robots are malicious fucking monsters that deserve to be beaten into heaps of scrap metal and no one can convince her otherwise. Why? Because friendship. Yes, friendship. What the fuck do they mean, friendship!? Lettie and Juno are not girlfriends, let alone friends! They spent more than three days together and the pirate couldn't even commit her name to memory! Her vision doubles and she lets out a shaky little laugh, on the verge of full-blown hysterics.

"...And a trillion gold coins?" Lettie finishes hopefully, containing her rage behind a pleasant little smile for the cameras. She is this close. This. Close. To snapping. She punched a shark for this!

"Friendship." The dead robot's voice repeats. "Just friendship."

"Okay." Lettie sucks in a sharp breath, making a tent with her fingers. Breathe in. Breathe out. Nope. Doesn't help. There's no gold in sight. The dream is dead. Then she gives up on peace, balling her hands into fists and throwing them down. "Then you're a fucking liar, you cowardly piece of junk! Why don't you come back to life so I can kill you again!?" Then she addresses the audience, which is still clapping. Or rather... the robots clap and the cubes play audio recordings of some other audience applauding. "We're not friends!" And they didn't win shit! The sound the audience makes completely drowns her out, though, and they obliviously go on clapping.

Lettie got on some level that the promise was too good to be true. She wouldn't pay off her debts like this. But still! She would've taken bogus robot currency over nothing. To cheer herself up, she could've treated herself by shopping in whatever robot shops they might've had in this robot world. (Hell, she'd even take a physical copy of that footage they got of her decking Juno with the snowball so she can watch it when she needs a reason to smile!) Instead, she's left with friendship. And where Juno's concerned, she doesn't even have that. "Stupid... fucking..." The faerie kicks the side of the lift raft and continues to mutter angrily under her breath.Then eventually the rage phase passes and she sulks instead. "We need to get off this scammy world."

Noticing the airship nearby, Lettie hops a few times (causing the raft to wobble) and waves her arms over her head to get Marjorie's attention on deck. She doesn't have the energy for theatrics, but she bolsters them up with her desire to leave. She needs to rest in her own bed for a while, lounge around sadly (but also elegantly) like the slighted beauty she is. This entire day has been one massive error. (It's fair to say this week has been an error... and if she thinks even further back? She can go as far as to say that her life altogether has been a massive error.)

"Marjorie, you have the cube, right!?" The faerie cups her hands around her mouth and yells out to the skeleton. And Marjorie... shrugs?

"What do you mean--" Lettie supplies the rest of the sentence by mirroring a shrug back at Marjorie. The skeleton just shrugs again. "Didn't it fall on deck after we landed!?" She laughs nervously. "No, it's fine. It's fine. Surely one of the crew members must know where it is. Start paddling, Juju! We'll go ask them. It's got to be on board somewhere."
 
Okay. Okay. Juno has had a pretty shitty life. This is not a huge secret––one need only look at the planet she grew up on and they can easily come to the conclusion that anyone who grew up on that shithole easily had a shitty life. (And since discovering that there are, in fact, worlds outside of her own she knows that the goddess must hate everyone who was born on Juno's planet. There's no other explanation for there to be such a shit place other than for the goddess to have a place to send those she hates. Had the goddess liked Juno, she might have given her a cushy life as a killer whale; or maybe an ice giant; hell, she wouldn't necessarily be mad had she been born on Faerie World. But no. She got the garbage dump of the universe and this whole expedition must be about letting Juno know just how deeply hated she truly is. As if she didn't know that already. As if [redacted] didn't tell her that enough growing up.) However, seeing the faerie get so upset over their bullshit prize (that Juno totally called, by the way)? It almost makes up for her entire life being such a massive stain. In fact, a rare grin breaks across the pirate's face before she straight up bursts with laughter, going so far as to keel over witnessing Olette get so worked up over this. "I fucking told you, bitch!" she gasps out between bellyfuls of laughter. "And yet your desperate ass was so fucking determined to win, ha! This is what you get for being such a fucking nuisance."

Yeah, yeah... okay, the next time the faerie has a terrible idea Juno might just go along with it just to watch it inevitably blow up right in her fucking face. After all, the pirate has tears streaking down her face from laughing so hard. (When was the last time she even laughed this hard?) When the pirate starts to recover from her spell, she straightens up and wipes the tears from her cheeks, "Yeah, yeah, sure whatever you want bugsy––just cube us out of here at any––" point is how she would have finished. Would have, but then discovers that bugsy doesn't even have the aforementioned cube to cube them off this 'scammy world.' "Wait, wait, wait––you don't have it?"

Crap. Shit. Fuck.

No, Juno doesn't think her crew has it. Mostly because she think they're incompetent, but she also just has a feeling about this. Marjorie would have said something. She would have kept it safe and then made a big show of handing it to the faerie, because it's hers or something stupid like that. (As if everything on that ship doesn't belong to Juno by default. Her ship, her fucking belongings. That includes anything that 'guests' lose on her fucking ship.)

Juno looks up at Marjorie and her suspicions are confirmed when the skeleton only offers a shrug. "Fuck." That's about when she looks around and realizes just how... cube-y this planet is and how all these fucking cubes look the same. They look the same and they look like the cube. "Fuck," she repeats, groaning. "You fucking lost the cube. I bet you fucking pushed it into one of those lava rivers on the last shitty planet you took us to." Yeah, it must have blipped them off of volcano world and then fallen right over before it could land on Juno's ship. (This ignores the fact that the cube has always been with them during a blip, but so what? It's not like Juno understands that little death box and the faerie clearly doesn't either.) "If Marjorie doesn't fucking have it..." she doesn't dare finish that sentence. But then she considers the look on the faerie's face if she does and decides to bravely go forward. "Then it's fucking gone. She knows where everything on Lady is almost better than me." (In rare moments, Juno can admit the usefulness of the crew and it is true that Marjorie is the most helpful of the skeletons.)

"Captain!" Abigail shouts from above, "You have so many cubes now! Congratulations are in order!" The skeleton then sweeps up some confetti that must have blown up onto the ship and sprinkles it down over the duo. "Shall we all join you to celebrate this cube-cess? Succ... Succ-cube? No, no––cube-cess was much better. Ah, trust your guns, Abi."

Juno slaps her palm to her forehead and grumbles quietly. (She pretends to not see the ship descending and the skeletons madly racing to get off and explore cube world.)

Now that the robot game show host is dead, she finds that her previously confiscated items have been restored to her belt. And, slowly, as the gameshow winds down and the exit theme music plays, the entire staging sinks into the ground and disappears. The life raft, too, sinks out of existence and the robots in the audience disappear, leaving only their cube companions to clatter onto the shiny metal floor, that is also covered in cubes of all shapes and sizes. Juno picks up a pebble sized one and flicks it at the faerie. "Just pick a fucking cube, faerie. I'm sure any of them will do." She flicks another cube at her. "They're all fucking identical so it shouldn't fucking matter." This time when Juno flicks another cube at O-something? The cube splits into two more cubes. In fact, several of the cubes around them are starting to divide and create more cubes.

"Oh, fucking great. Can't you control your fucking magic?" Except that, maybe it's Juno's magic acting strange because as soon as that accusation flies out of her mouth, the cubes immediately surrounding her start to multiply. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

A screen pops up in front of them that reads,
"Peace, love, rock n' roll
and that'll get you back to ol'."

"That doesn't even make any sense!?"
 
The good news is that Juno has finally stopped laughing at Lettie's expense. (But the joke's on her, because technically she's laughing at her own expense, too? Wouldn't it have been nice to have won something other than fucking friendship!? That whole thing was a colossal waste of both of their time. But she digresses.) The bad news? The cube is for suresies missing if the accumulation of Juno's different phases of realization means anything at all. And then she goes on to blame the whole entire thing on the 'fucking faerie', because of course she does! That's her response to every problem in existence, apparently. (If Juno stubs her toe and Lettie's not even in the room with her, she would not be surprised if the pirate found a way to blame that on her too.) Fucking typical!

"No, no, no. You don't get to pin this one on me! This whole thing started when you held the cube over your head like a complete neanderthal and handed it off to Albert!" Lettie feels tempted to recreate the entirety of volcano world for the pirate, with gesticulated theatrics and everything, because apparently her attention span is short as fuck. If the faerie had grabbed the cube first, none of the events that transpired afterwards would've happened at all. (Instead, the cube would be safely inside of her purse and not... missing. Probably.) "And need I remind you that you're the one who had it last? I fucking saw you drop it! If it landed in lava then it's all your fault!" She pauses, then, giving that sentence a little more thought. "Which... it totally didn't. Because if the cube can transport your whole-ass ship and crew, then of course it transported itself too! You need to give cubey more credit than that, Juju."

"You hear that, cubey!? I appreciate you! I always have. The centipede woman didn't know what she was talking about back there!" Lettie cups her hands around her mouth, calling out to the unresponsive sea of cubes. The woman implied she didn't value it-- and yes the cube was annoying and unpredictable-- but it's also her only key to survival in this world. Meaning that it is valuable as fuck!

Damn. Lettie really should've named the fucking cube when she still had the chance. What? It wasn't that weird. Then she could dramatically call out for it, like one might call out for a lost pet, and then their odds of finding it might've skyrocketed! But it's here on this world. It has to be... somewhere. That's good, right? Except for the fact that this world is full of fucking cubes, as Abigail so helpfully points out to them with a rain of confetti. Misinformed confetti. Because if the amount of cubes could drop to one (the one), that'd sure be swell.

"Hey! Stop-- stop that!" Lettie swats at the tiny cubes the pirate keeps flicking at her like a kitten attacking a scratching post. "That's not how it works! ...Probably." Probably. That's the best she can do, though, because she still hasn't really studied the thing yet. Then the cubes proceed to do the exact opposite of what she wants and multiply as if to throw another middle finger up at her. With horror, she holds her head in her hands and looks around Juno's feet as they start piling up. "Shit, shit, shit!"

Unfortunately, arguing isn't going to distract her from her problems this time. Arguing isn't going to help them find the cube that's actually going to get them off of this world! (This world that's apparently designed to piss her off in every which way, considering now it's shoving a message unrelated to their problems in their faces. Rock n' roll? Why!? To quote the pirate herself, none of that makes any sense! It's only serving to stress her out more.) If they get stuck here, then Juno's genuinely the only other person she'll have around for company. Then they'll end up killing each other. There's no other scenario she can imagine. No! She can't accept that, all right? She needs to think. Think, think, think.

"Okay... I have a theory. This is obviously the cube's family! It's a... a... reunion! That's right. It's just having a quick visit and it'll be back soon. And uh. They love rock n' roll?" Lettie scratches her cheek awkwardly. Yep. So smart. "That or the cube really did fall into lava and now we're on a world full of it's ghost... and it's going to torment us for fucking eternity for killing it."

Scarily enough, Lettie finds the second option much more viable than the first. Especially with the inclusion of the game show designed to piss her off and the way the cube is clearly multiplying to haunt them now. She laughs nervously and starts to backtrack towards where the airship had been before.

"Nah! That's, heh, ridiculous! It's gotta be around here somewhere. It must've missed the deck and, uh, landed someplace below where the ship was when we got here. So we just gotta retrace our steps and..." Lettie starts to set out to do exactly this when a wall of cubes sweeps in her path, blocking her from doing so. "Wha--!?"

These walls proceed to spread around them, the multiple cubes creating a cube-shaped structure that houses Lettie and Juno in. One of the cubes in front of them flickers to life like a television screen while another by their feet opens up and... a microphone flies out at Juno?

"Not so fast! Rock n' roll!" A robotic voice sings. It sounds like it's really enjoying itself. Probably the only one on this miserable world who is. (Well... maybe with the exception of Abigail and the other skeletons. Speaking of which... another screen flickers to life, showing the whole crew rushing to take their seats in a brand new arena. What?) "It's tiiiiime for karaoke or die!"

Die? Ah... that's when she realizes the cubes walls are slowly closing in on them. Which means they'll... get crushed. If they don't fucking sing. Gulp.

"What a lovely duo you are! Sing a duet for us and you might just find what you're looking for!" Another microphone is belatedly spit out of the ground, hitting Lettie square in the forehead. What the fuck!?
 
"QB!?" Yes, she misheard 'cubey.' "You've given that fucking thing a fucking name? Have you lost your marbles––it's a cube, not a pet." The pirate conveniently glosses over the part where the faerie points out that she's technically (technically) the last person who touched the cube. As if that matters when it belongs to the faerie and she should look after her dangerous objects better. From a certain angle one could say that it was fucking irresponsible of her to let go of the cube in the first place––especially if she knew Juno wouldn't be able to handle it properly. All fingers point back to the faerie when you do the simple fucking math. "And if your precious cube always teleports itself then why the fuck didn't Marjorie find it, huh? Got an answer to that? I'm waiting, genius." The way she says genius makes it sounds like dumbass interestingly enough.

As is the pirate's signature move, she crosses her arms and rolls her eyes. "Goddess, the cube isn't fucking sentient, dingus!"

Juno should probably be focusing her energy on the rapidly multiplying cubes, ones that seem as agitated as they both are (but, hey, that's just a coincidence, right?), but bickering with the faerie is one thing she can do to fucking distract herself from the fact that they are going to be crushed by a sea of cubes pretty soon. "Wow. Just when I think you can't be that much more of an airhead, you prove me wrong, bugsy. Should I fucking applaud your single brain cell for trying to be intelligent?" Those theories of hers are the product of a woman who has fucking lost it. Like, yeah, Juno's fucking worried about the cube but she's also worried about the cubes and doesn't think they should be theorizing about why they got trapped here! That's not going to stop the cubes from... cubing all over the place.

And it only gets worse when the cubes start to stack on top of each other to box them in. (If Juno didn't have claustrophobia before, she's certain she's going to develop it soon. Especially if she's stuck in this thing with the fucking faerie.) When the microphone flies out from the ground, the pirate has no clue what to do with it or what's expected of her, and it just falls onto the ground and rolls away until it hits a wall. "Karaoke? Who the fuck is that?" It doesn't exist where Juno is from, because she is from a goddess worshipping society. They don't worship false gods like Karaoke. ...And apparently Karaoke wants them to sing.

"Oh, fuck no! I don't sing."

"Follow along with the red dot!" The disembodied robot instructs, completely ignoring Juno. On the TV screen a countdown clock flashes and as the number dwindles down to zero, her microphone flies up from the ground and attaches itself to the pirate's hand. A steady drum beat reverberates through their shrinking box; the red dot starts bouncing on the screen and a second later it's bouncing over the lyrics:
Hello again
Friend  of a friend, I knew you when
Our  common goal was waiting for the world to end
Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend
You crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again.

When Juno doesn't sing along with the red dot, a spray bottle appears and starts squirting water at the pirate like she's a cat that needs to be trained. Instead of cooperating, the pirate scowls and tries to detach the microphone from her hand. This results in two things: the walls closing in faster and a small shock coming from mic (amplified by the water that hit her). “I am going to crush every last one of you––“ she seethes, kicking and banging her fists against the cube wall, trying to get it to budge. It doesn’t do anything other than continue to shrink the box. Well, it also punches Juno in the gut and… and somehow that gets the pirate to back off. “I’m crushing that fucking cube for taking us here,” she informs O-something once she's backed away from the wall, rubbing her stomach.

“Less talking, more singing! You’re losing points, homo pirate and zoraptera! Ju-no, start the next verse!!”

At this point, it should be a surprise to no one that the 'homo pirate' is as stubborn as a mule. Their invisible host must understand this because spikes now line the walls that are closing in on them. That seems to motivate the pirate into compliance. "F-fuck, fine!" The pirate squeezes the microphone like she's trying to crush it and starts singing the second verse:
Got balls of steel
Got an automobile
For  a minimum wage
Got real estate––

"Olettie-ettie-ettie, now you come in!" the robot instructs. Then as the verse transitions into the second hook, a guitar appears in the faerie's hand and Juno is set up behind a drum set. "JAM SESSION TIME!! BONUS ROUND, DOUBLE POINTS!! SAVE YOUR SOULS AND DRIVE OFF THE WALLS!! MAKE SOME NOIIIISE!!"
 
"No you're not. The cube's more powerful than you." Lettie supplies matter-of-factly when Juno claims that she is going to crush the cube. Sure the pirate's got those stupidly buff arms of hers, but the cube's the cube. And as she watches the cubes many siblings (or so she assumes) closing in around them, the way they create this entire karaoke death trap scenario along with interactive props... it's fair to say that they're not to be fucked around with. (And please. Juno's fists don't even leave a dent in the cube wall! So yeah, she's pretty confident in her assessment on this one.) There's no reason to fail here, though. It's just singing, right? And once she joins in, their score's going to skyrocket! Because-- drumroll please-- the faerie's a goddamn beautiful singer. Never had time to genuinely try out the whole band thing, but... while she's here and has the resources, she might as well go all out! She can sing and dance to save her life. In a way, she's been doing that for as long as she can remember.

When the robot tells the faerie to join in, Lettie smirks and glyphs herself into a stylish pink skirt accompanied with a band t-shirt. It makes for cute but casual stage wear! Perfect for karaoke. (Yes, this might be her third outfit change since she woke up on the ship but like... no one's stopping her?) Alright, alright, alright. She's ready for this. She was born for this, baby! She's a star and she's going to fry all these robots circuits with her amazingness.

With that, Lettie closes her eyes and holds the microphone up, prepared to handle her own solo with the eloquence and grace the pirate couldn't muster. (Look, it's up to her to pick up the slack here!) As she sings, she steps from side to side in a little dance, drawing her hips in little circles that causes her skirt to swish appealingly around her thighs. Then she shakes her shoulders and flips her hair.

"I'm buying it all up in outer space
Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend
You crack the whip, shape-shift and trick, the past again."

The spikes are growing smaller, the cube-walls moving slower. (Because clearly they need to stop to listen and appreciate the faerie's lovely voice!) Lettie's so lost in her killer performance that the spirit of said performance, uh... compels her to steal the whip from Juno's belt as she sings about whips? She proceeds to wave it with a flourish the way a dancer might wave a ribbon. She doesn't fully understand the gravity of what she's done until she opens her eyes again and sees the pirate's face. Hehe. Whoops! As much fun as it'd be to continue to taunt Juno with her own weapon, she tosses it back immediately as she continues to sing on without missing a beat. (What? She's not going to destroy this gig with a petty argument! She does have some standards. And when it comes to putting on a show, there are some lines the faerie will not cross!) Thankfully before this can descend into an argument anyways (because Juno is still Juno and obviously does not have these standards), the instruments materialize and do a stellar job of keeping their hands occupied.

"I'll send you my love on a wire." ("Ju-no! Remember, this is a duet! Back her up! Sing the oohs!" The robot voice insists at the sight of the 'oohs' coming up on the karaoke screen. As it says this, the squirt bottle floats around like a threat.)

"Lift you up, every time, everyone, ooh, pulls away, ooh
It's a mechanical bull, the number one
You'll take a ride from anyone
Everyone wants a ride, pulls away, ooh, from you."

Lettie strums on the guitar without hesitation when the jam session begins, continuing to sway and hop as she does. As she does this, she finally looks around them and pays closer attention to the walls. They seem... slower. Considerably less dangerous. (Like, it'd be a damn tragedy to crush a rising star such as herself.) But she supposes whether they stop completely or not will depend on how well Juno does on the drums. Ugh. Getting stuck with the pirate in karaoke must be the equivalent of whatever the nerds in class felt when they got stuck with her on group projects back in her school days. Which is to say that she almost feels sorry for them now.

"Look. It's working, Juju! Just do what you do best and hit those drums!" Lettie recommends. "Not too hard though. If you break them with your stupid muscles we might automatically lose or something. Or worse... we'll have to pay them back for the drum set. They're fucking expensive, you know! And then you'll be wishing we won a trillion gold robot coins."
 
Singing. Performance. Music. None of these are familiar to the pirate. They are only familiar in that she knows what each is by their dictionary definition and that she has seen a handful of shows. (Shows being a relatively loose term. Some might not count drunken bar performances as real shows, but the pirate isn't pretentious or picky.) Needless to say, she feels so far removed from her comfort zone, she may as well be in outer space. Her discomfort is probably obvious with how she tightly fists the microphone in her hand and stands so stiffly that one might wonder if she's turning coal to diamonds in her ass. This kind of performance is just not her thing.

... But clearly the faerie is having the time of her life.

Good for her, Juno guesses. (Also, what the fuck, did the faerie change her outfit again!? Goddess, no wonder she's so fucking useless––her magic is clearly limited to aesthetic changes and nothing more. It's not even a reach for Juno to make this assumption or jump to this conclusion given that this is all she has seen of O-something's magic.) ...Even so, the pirate has a working pair of eyes and, um, is it her fault her eyes fell to Olette's skirt when she sashayed her hips? She gulps and, for a brief, brief moment she forgets that she hates the faerie. She forgets that she thinks she's nothing more than a bug waiting to get squished. Her thoughts are melted and reduced down to, 'Fuuuuuuuuck.'

That, uh, gets her to relax.

It's probably just the weird lighting in their box prison, but the pirate's cheeks do appear to be an unmistakable shade of rosy red when the faerie dances over to her, singing her part of the song. (No, she doesn't notice her swipe the whip from her belt.) Juno isn't even pretending to mumble the words to the song. She's far too consumed watching the faerie toy with that ribbon or whatever. 'Fuck. Fuck that's hot.' It's so easy to imagine this little number with less clothes, and she almost does, but then the whip almost hits her in the face. Shockingly, when the whip is tossed back to her and she puts together what happened, she's too stunned to even react appropriately (chew the faerie out/threaten to kill her/you know the drill). It also doesn't hurt that the memory of the faerie's little dance is still playing over and over again in her head, temporarily disabling her wrath.

Still dazed when the drum set appears in front of her, she just slumps down on the stool, almost missing her oohs in the song, but somewhat keeping up with the disembody voice's instructions. That seems to appease the angry squirt bottles since they don't soak the pirate, but she's pretty sure they're going to dump on her when she realizes she needs to play the drums. Drums that she definitely doesn't know how to play. (Excuse her for not having a childhood that had extracurricular activities outside of 'survival.') However, their intuitive host must guess this because the drums and cymbals start to light up according to the beat, cluing the pirate in on the ones to hit. She'd ignore this, to spite the faerie specifically, but... she may or may not still be suffering from that gay spell Olette cast on her earlier. That's probably why she makes eye contact with the faerie, flexes her (stupid) muscles, and winks (all while wearing a grin that borders between dopey and shit-eating). "Sure, should be fuckin' easy, princess."

Once Juno actually starts beating on the drums? The cube-made walls start to crumble; the blocks scatter across the ground and reveal the arena they had only seen from the screen inside their box––it's brightly lit, audience applause is supplied since most of the skeletons can't speak (they're soulless bones), and three jumbotrons display the performance from all different angles. Juno, naturally, does not register any of this. Though in her defense, she is focused on her task (as well as stealing glances at the faerie, but she'll deny that if you ask). That's probably why she misses the cube descending from the sky, each of its faces shining a different color in tandem with the beat.

The song finishes and as it does, the cube lands on O-something's shoulder. Before Juno even spots the cube or notices that it's chosen bugsy, the robot voice echoes through the arena, "Coooongratulations! You two have just barely passed our handler compatibility test! Now the responsibility is forever yours to watch after your cube and assist it on its mission. Be warned: the road ahead is dangerous and you may die, but you also might live and we would love it if you could live."

Juno opens her mouth to protest and the robot hurriedly continues, "It is too late. The bond is sealed! The deed is done, now go have fun!"
 
Thump, thump. Lettie's heart and brain stutter in unison when the pirate hits her with a flex-wink combo out of nowhere. Ah. Muscles. Buff, stupid... arms. So ho-- wait, wait, wait! What the fuck was that! (Scratch all of this. Every part of it. The faerie doesn't stutter and especially not over grumpy, homicidal pirates. And especially not in the middle of a performance-- one which she'd absolutely been killing, by the way! How does she know she's been killing it? Well, she's Olette Lycoris Radiata for one. Duh. Enough said! But if anyone's wondering, there is another reason as well. That being that Juno was so taken with her dance that she'd forgotten to blow a fuse as usual over her whip.) Okay. Maybe there are several rational reasons why the faerie's heart and mind are not stuttering... but that doesn't change the fact that when she twirls herself around with a flourish and attempts to distract herself by strumming on her guitar, the only image floating around in her head are those stupid muscles. To make matters worse, the memory of being held in those arms just yesterday also crams its way in there. Maybe she wasn't held like a princess (the way she deserves, cough, cough) but that doesn't change the fact that they felt sturdy, supportive, and oh-so... oof. Snap out of it, Letts! Snap out of it now!

Miraculously, Lettie still manages to keep the show going even with Juno's stupid buff arms occupying her every thought. (She may or may not be daydreaming about what it might be like to stage dive into those arms as incentive to finish strong. Damn. Damn. Had she met the pirate in a club and now as a captive on her ship, she might've even dared to think that she was kinda--) It speaks to her experience that she still finishes her final dance move of the night with enviable swagger, sweeping herself into a badass finishing pose. And then-- as if blown away by her kickass radiance-- the cube walls themselves are blown away with a massive pulse of energy.

Lettie hardly has time to catch her breath or bask in the (rightful) applause for her artistry before the cube perches itself down on her shoulder like a little bird. Her eyes widen, watching as the faces change color the same way she changes her hair.

"Wow, cubey! I didn't know you came equipped with party mode." Lettie observes with awe. Then she shakes her head at a rapid pace, as if to shake these thoughts from her head to recognize what is truly important here. She takes the cube into her hands and peers quizzically at it and then at all of the other cubes. "Anyway, don't make me worry like that! Where've you been? Is this your family or something?" Then she proceeds to furrow her brows and purse her lips.Thinking back, she totally heard that host robot refer to the cube as their boss. She tries to compute all the individual pieces she's garnered so far in her head. What's the angle here, aside from getting them to let loose?

Handler compatibility test? Barely passed!?

"Excuse me!? What do you mean barely passed!? I killed that performance." Lettie lambasts, setting one hand on her hip as she clutches the cube tightly in the other. Belatedly, the particularly more dire implications also sink in and her expression twists into a whole new level of horrified. Because there are words like responsibility and forever being thrown around-- and compatibility in regards to herself and the pirate of all people! Is this disembodied robot voice implying that she's stuck with Juno until she dies on some harebrained mission... because they say so?

Lettie opens her mouth at the same time Juno does to protest. But the bond is sealed, apparently. The bond. The fucking bond!?

"Time for your complimentary photo! Strike a pose!" Before Lettie can do as instructed to ensure that she looks good, the flash is already going off and blinding them. A drone buzzes as it efficiently prints a photo, which flutters down and lands at their feet. In the picture, the faerie and the pirate stand side-by-side wearing those matching slack-jawed expressions.

"...No. No, no, no. There's been some kinda mistake. I mean, look at us! We're not even remotely compatible." Lettie laughs incredulously, talking to the cube in her hand. If the cube is the boss, then it makes perfect sense to talk to the cube, okay!? It's not weird. "You've seen this for yourself!"

There's no response. One by one, the lights on the robot flicker out and a vast projection of a night sky stretches over the world. It's gradually casts the once annoyingly bright world into deep darkness. (At the same time, neon-colored arrows that scream 'nightlife' light up to direct the skeletons safely from their place in the auditorium back to the ship. Signs that say things like 'farewell for now' and 'see you next time' appear all around them.

"Ah, there are the stars of the evening! Olette, where do I even begin? You have the voice of an angel." Majorie cheerfully ignores the arrows and approaches them instead. "And captain! My, my, my. You were wonderful, too. To think I'd be present to see the day you finally performed on stage." The skeleton brushes a finger under her empty eye socket to catch a non-existent tear. "I'm so proud of you. It builds character to leave your comfort zone, it really does. And what was that I heard about going on a mission? How exciting!"

That's when another neon sign flickers to life in front of them. It says 'have a nice trip!' An similarly neon hand also waves at them as a finishing touch.The faerie can only find the capacity to blink at it. Once and then twice.

And then the cube begins to light in in Lettie's hand, so bright it practically burns her skin. "Oh shi--"

Blip!
 
"Here we fucking g––"

Blip!

Having been through this enough times, Juno just crosses her arms and waits for them to get dumped on her ship. Surprisingly, when they do arrive on the new world (and back on Lady), they both stick the landing for the first time ever. (The drum set and guitar are also transported with them, interestingly enough.) But Juno can't even fully enjoy that because she's fucking processing the fact that they're stuck. They're stuck together. The cube is holding them hostage and she is being forced to waste precious resources on this never ending expedition. Fuck no. Fuck that. "Give me the cube." She's going to crush it. "Give it to me before I crush you." (Ah, so much for that momentary lapse of peace. What was that? Five minutes of not bickering? Bringing the days total to five minutes of not bickering?) "Don't even try to start with me that it's a living thing or whatever––your mistake for getting attached to a metal box. It needs to be fucking destroyed."

The temptation to tackle the faerie and wrestle the cube from her does cross the pirate's mind. It also passes through her eyes as sparks dance through them like lightning behind thick clouds. But before she can even place one foot backwards to prep for launch, Marjorie comes between them with a casual wrist flourish, "Ah, this photo of your first date is so cute! Or was this your..." The skeleton scratches her head and starts counting on her fingers. "Nevermind! This is the perfect picture to capture your budding love, ahh." She sighs wistfully, clutching the photograph close to her ribcage. Then she waves goodbye at the pair. "Tata, captain and Olette! It looks like you have a visitor."

A what?

Distracted for the zillionth time today, Juno looks over her shoulder with a question mark clear on her face. She doesn't see anything. She doesn't even feel the presence of anything. In fact, finally looking over the world that they've landed on... It's dark. When the pirate looks up, she guesses that's because they're in a cavern of sorts that is dimly lit with torches and glowing bugs. It's hard to make out, but the cavern walls do also appear to be covered in weird geometric patterns (glyphs). Though the pirate's attention is ultimately stolen by these two practically florescent bugs that are floating high above their heads; they only look to be the size of coins from where Juno stands, but she'd guess that up close they're probably the size of a houses. So imagine her surprise when the two bright bugs blink and, while pupil-less, shift violently over to the faerie and necromancer. That actually causes her to jump backwards, almost stumbling into bugsy (she does elbow her accidentally).

The outline of some giant creature can barely be made out in the dim lighting, but it becomes abundantly clear that this being is huge when it pries itself from its position in the cavern wall, causing dust and sediment to burst free as the giant does. The two florescent dots blink once more and the thing leans forward, confirming Juno's suspicion that the lights are about the size of a house. Somehow, despite being so bright, it's not blinding to stare into them. The thing frowns and when it speaks, its voice booms and shakes more sediment from the ceiling. (The torch lights flicker but remain steady, though the lightning bugs all scatter.) "Harbingers of death and destruction! How dare you enter my domain and threaten my denizens with your foul, tainted magic. Have you not already done enough damage to this world? Is it not enough to see our civilization retreat underground after you killed the Great Star?"

"..." Okay, the pirate has given up on having any sort of expectations of what they will discover on these different worlds, but this? This really was not on her list of things she suspected she might encounter. (Though maybe it should have been given that this is, what? The third angry giant they've run into?) "I've never fucking been to this shithole, bitch. So I'd fucking be a little more careful with your fucking accusations. Now, fuck off before I punch you in the nose." Yes, Juno is having a hard time adjusting to not being the tallest most ripped person in the room. (Not that she can tell whether or not the thing has muscles, but it's not like that matters when her own muscles probably cannot hold a candle to this thing's pinky flex.)

"Blasphemer! This is no 'shithole'––this was once a place of beauty until you and your partner arrived and laid this land to waste two and half thousand years ago. Now we live in squalor. I shall let you take no more from these lands I have sworn to protect." The thing's eyes glitch out, showing only static, then it tilts its head back, briefly lighting up more of the cavern (and that's when Juno realizes it's not just a dirt cave, there seems to be old wiring and circuit panels lining the walls as well). It raises its giant hands and plugs them into either side of the cavern wall. Its head tilts back down with the eyes glowing bright red. ('Danger,' they say without needing words.) Before the pirate can even guess what the thing is doing, electrical cables start slithering onto the deck of the ship and going in to lash at the faerie and pirate!

'Fuck.'
 
"No way!" Lettie wraps her hands protectively around cubey and immediately holds it as far away from Juno's reach as she can. "Last time you had cubey, you handed it off to Albert!" Gulp. That look the other woman shoots her, all lightning and fury? Yikes! Um, so question. Can she glyph her pocket dimensional purse faster than the pirate can tackle her? Maybe? Either way, she's afraid that theory is about to be tested. Granted she's also got another theory that the cube can't be crushed at all-- because it's too powerful for that-- but she doesn't want to test that one out. At least not until she knows she's on a world she'd be content living out the rest of her days on! Anyways, does it look like she's been enjoying the cube's antics? Roping her onto some mission with a homicidal pirate, dropping them on one death trap world only to bail them out and whip them off to another? No! But she still got her wits about her. She sees what's really important here-- which is that the cube's her only ticket home. (Although there may be an alternative means, if that cowboy was any indicator. Even if she finds some alternative way to get home, though... arriving woefully cube-less will land her in boiling hot water, thin ice, what have you. The corp has a whole brick-sized stack among their mountains of paperwork about their precious relics and artifacts. Let's just say those old crones would no doubt prefer to see her faerie dust show back up with the cube than to learn that she survived and stars forbid lost it. Especially this one. A tool that allowed her to traverse other worlds... it goes without saying how valuable this is to them! More valuable than the life of one inconsequential little faerie. What are faeries for on Avangeline, after all, if not trivial sources of mischief and entertainment? Worst part is, this isn't even scratching the surface of the shit she'll be in when-- if-- she makes it back!) "Don't you want to make sure you're comfy living out the rest of your days on this world first!?" That's a good fucking point, isn't it? A reason for some fucking thought before choosing violence like always!

Thankfully Marjorie comes in for the save, even if it is to... ugh, misinterpret their entire relationship, just like everyone else has thus far. Seriously!? Where does it come from? Why does everyone they meet keep saying that!? (Except for Sir Regis. Sir Regis knew what was up. What a good, flying shark. Even the centipede woman saw reason eventually. Ah... is that guilt she's feeling now? Nope! Not the time for that, thanks.) Lettie grabs hold of some priorities for the first time ever, though, recalling the absolute peril her life was in the last time she lost the cube. She glyphs her purse into existence and chucks the cube safely inside. There. Now there's no risk of it falling into lava or into the wrong hands for that matter!

The faerie proceeds to open her mouth to inform Marjorie that there is no such 'budding love' between them when... something else speaks instead. Their unseen guest, which finds another way to mislabel them. Lettie swallows hard and steels herself at the sight of the creature gradually revealing itself to them. Harbingers of death and destruction does have a nice (and somewhat accurate) ring to it. As it accuses them of crimes they did not commit (this time) and she doesn't want to be punished for it. Curiously, she furrows her brows and she peers up to study the glyphs on the walls, attempting to read the symbols that she recognizes. It's composed of a lot of basic, technological magic, the types of glyphs that preserve and generate energy and light when the elements otherwise render them useless. Hm. The patterns resemble constellations, much like the common magics on her world, indicative of their devotion to their 'great star', which...

Apparently Lettie should never trust Juno to speak for them first, though, because rather than giving them the opportunity to clear up this misunderstanding, she naturally chooses violence.

"This is always how it starts." Lettie hisses at the pirate through clenched teeth. "Stop it, Juju! One punch to the nose and we land ourselves in deeper shit than we're already in."

But of course, Juno's threats are already the equivalent of throwing a punch at the giant and Lettie exasperatedly throws her hands up in the air. Why is this her life? Why did the cube think this was a good idea? Not only pairing them together, but also sending Juno to these worlds where her first and only instinct is to punch with those stupid, stupid buff arms of hers!? Now they're totally going to get crushed. They've plunged down into the realm of deep shit now and there's no way an apology will slap a bandaid over whatever some thousand-some year scars this creature is holding onto.

"Hey! Do I look like I'm two and a half thousand years old!?" Lettie protests with reason, frantically framing her hands around her pretty, youthful face. "I can't speak for Juno here, but I'm pure as freshly fallen snow!"

Unfortunately, the faerie's beauty (however legendary) is not going to save them now. Now when those wires start to crash onto the deck around them. On impact, they flicker with dancing waves of electricity and leave ominous cracks in the wood. Lettie dives out of the way, rushing across the deck to find something to hide behind. Shit, shit, shit!

"You can tie up the pirate to make sure she stays put, I seriously wouldn't blame you and actually strongly recommend it. But I swear I won't do anything to you! We-- we don't have to fight! We'll just chill here peacefully and wait for the cube to take us someplace else!" Lettie tries her negotiation thing. And sure, violence has already been chosen... but she thinks she's got some good points to make, okay? If there's even a slim chance that she can turn this around, she's got to take it. Especially if the glyphs and the current state of this world is any indicator. "Besides, do you really have the resources to spare on fighting us in the first place?"
 
Thinking... Negotiating... Those are all time sinks that can get you fucking killed out on the ground, so why would the pirate ever choose something that's slower than her fists or the crack of her whip? In the end, those are the only two things keeping her alive and she isn't about to try out some new strategies on these new worlds. If there's one truth of the universe, it's that being the biggest, baddest motherfucker out there is the only way that one can hope to survive and, eventually, gain enough respect that anyone would think twice before messing with them. Sure, they haven't been on any one world long enough for them to gain such a reputation (or so she assumes), and that doesn't mean she has to turn a new leaf and become a little bitch like the faerie is suggesting. What's the point in that? Dying? Yeah, Juno may hate her life (and maybe herself) but to give up and let the bastards win? Not going to fucking happen. The pirate plans on living long enough to feed each of those fucks their own tongues. In order to accomplish that, she's got to survive. She's got to fucking punch, whip, and slash her way through this utter torment so that she can eventually find some new planet with new bastards to serve and punish. While the faerie is apparently choosy about finding her new home, Juno isn't. And why should she be? Literally any planet is better than her own––she fucking considered living on lava world before it turned against her (for entirely unknown reasons, too). (This is also to say that the pirate does not plan on doing anything that the cube tells them to do. Assist it on its mission? Uh, no. Unless the glorified die starts paying her, she's not working for free like a fucking chump.)

The faerie throwing her under the bus while cables slither and spark over the deck of the ship is hardly surprising. (Thank fuck the ship is wood––wait, no it isn't? Or it's not supposed to be... and yet it's undeniable that they aren't getting electrocuted and sent straight to the Eternal Flame with the cables snapping at them. That's where they'd be were the ship metal like it's supposed to be. What the fuck, faerie!? Can she at least ask before changing the aesthetics of her fucking property!? The answer to that is definitely no seeing what she's done to Juno's clothes and her 'what's yours is mine' mentality.) Anyway, Juno rolls her eyes and clamps down on her jaw. There's a real fucking temptation to let those cables dust the faerie, but she's got the fucking cube in her magic circle of hers so... Juno's hand is forced on this one.

Especially when the thing's eyes fade into a darker, angrier shade of red. "After all these years you still try to play the role of the good one? The kind one? Oh, a fool I may have been all those eons ago but I have learned not to trust the colorful one." And, rather than the cables focusing on Juno, they prep to launch at the faerie.

"Ugh, great negotiation skills, snowflake. You pissed it off even more," the pirate complains, rushing to step in front of bugsy. "Stay behind me and you might fucking live to see your dream fucking world for early retirement." At this point, fighting is a thoughtless ordeal for Juno. It's second nature and she doesn't need a moment to strategize the best course of action. In a fluid motion the whip is pulled from her belt and transformed into a giant two-handed sword, its blade resembling something closer to a giant curved cleaver than a typical broadsword or the like. Perfect for slashing and hacking. With a thirsty grin on her features, she steps forward and swings the blade, easily cutting through the cables. If the cables are connected to the thing, it doesn't indicate that it's been harmed at all and there isn't the time for Juno to really investigate how her adversary is fairing when it keeps sending more of those metal snakes towards her (and the faerie).

Though the crew are useless bones, they do join in on the fight––hacking at the cables, tying them together, and (in Philip's case) crushing them. Some even jump onto the giant thing and beat on its eyes. This causes the beast to unplug from one wall to try and wipe away the skeletons. Half the cables go out of commision and that gives the pirate an idea. "Uh, Ol.. Oli... Olevender," sounds fancy enough, so the faerie shouldn't be too mad she's not using Olette, "If you haven't already stolen my fucking bombs, taken 'em and see if you can get the thing to unplug from the wall. Better yet, try to explode its fucking head. I don't fucking care, just try to be fucking useful for once!" Yeah, the pirate doesn't think that the faerie is battle competent (and fighting in a giant robot doesn't count), but she does remember her seeming to know what to do with a fucking bomb. Surely, she cannot fuck this up. (Juno will just peacefully ignore the fact that she is a disaster magnet.)

"Why must you continue to threaten these lands? What else is there for you to take?" the thing sounds as though it is weeping, but it's hard to empathize for two reasons: (1) she's Juno and empathy is for suckers and sick fucks and (2) the thing is still fucking attacking them! So of course, the pirate ups the ante. Having momentarily created enough space between herself and those electric cables (miraculously avoiding getting electrocuted), she reaches into her pocket to scatter bones pieces across the deck. She clips the giant cleaver to her back and puts her arms out to her sides, palms facing the techno-creature. She then swoops her arms upwards, crossing them over one another, and the scattered bones react by floating in the air then growing into stakes that all shoot at the thing's eyes. However it turns in time to only be hit in the cheek and then its head snaps back to look at the pirate. Uh-oh... "You and your wicked magic! Let's see how the ghost of the Great Star judges you."

The glyphs on the wall start to glow, faintly at first but brightening as the thing becomes more agitated. It's probably nothing to worry about. Probably. The sound of the place whirring to life also isn't a big deal. Surely. Fuck. "If there is darkness in your soul, let the light wash it away!"
 
"I think you're glitching out, bro! 'Cause I've never met you before in my life!" Lettie cries out, dodging one of the incoming cables by the skin of her teeth. "Hey, watch it!" And then she has to dodge another. And another. Okay, what!? Why does this thing have it's non-existent heart set on attacking her right now? And she nearly let herself feel bad for provoking this thing into expending whatever little remains of their world's resources to fight a pointless fight against them. Nearly. Now that it's outright attacking her, though? And aiming to kill at that? Oh, it's on. She'll make it regret tearing down her opportunity to talk things through and rightfully earn her title as a harbinger of death and destruction. She laughs darkly. "You know, I'm only good and kind 'till you piss me off."

Honestly, hasn't the faerie earned the right to be a little pissed by now? Maybe a little pissed that she'd been sent off into that testing chamber completely unprepared for just how volatile their precious relic was in the first place? Sure, she'd tuned the spiel out thinking it was business as usual... but shouldn't she have been equipped with some safety gear? Maybe set up with an extra dimensional bag for some necessities in case she fell off the face of Avangeline for a month or so? And a month is optimistic at best. There must be as many worlds out there as there are stars in the sky! The trial and error it'll take before she makes it back home is-- no. She can't even think about it right now. She can't. Or she'll freak. Ha. Hahaha. (It's nice to be reminded of how expendable she is, isn't it? Fuck. Is anyone even trying to search for her? What's their protocol for disappearances? Will she be compensated for her trouble? Not like she'd know what this entails, since it's never fucking happened before... at least as far as she knows.) Since then she's broken her wing, been held captive by a homicidal pirate who has threatened to tear her wings off and straight up murder her on multiple occasions. Oh-- and also has the charming habit of blaming every possible catastrophe under the stars on her. Just like big old red-eyes here. And she's had it.

Lettie is genuinely this close to summoning a tornado of butterflies to blow this thing to smithereens when Juno steps in front of her, stopping her.

Refraining from making a comeback for once, the faerie just rolls her eyes when the pirate turns her back and brandishes her whip. Fine! She'll let Juju and her stupidly buff arms take over for her, then. What? It's not like she's not giving up out of fear or something silly like that. She could've fought. Would've scared everyone shitless by projecting all her rage into her magic. Because hell hath no fury like a faerie scorned! (Yes, that is how the saying goes.) She's not small, frivolous, or insignificant and she'd make them see that. Uh, one day. Buuuut so long as the other woman thinks she needs protection, she may as well take advantage of the benefits that come along with that in the meantime. They're stuck together for the long haul. And if Lettie conveniently forgets the fact that Juno captured her she can even admit that it's kind of nice to have a stupidly buff bodyguard.

Okay, and as much as Lettie wants to keep up her air of being overall unimpressed by the pirate's admira-- bloodthirsty display, she can't help but let her eyes linger as Juno's whip morphs into a sword and she starts hacking into those cables without even an ounce of hesitation. Whew. The graceful way she cuts through her adversaries and that wicked little smile-- (Uh. What does smiling have to do with fighting? No, her stupid smile is irrelevant!) Ahem. It makes sense to respect a woman who knows what she's doing, right? It's totally normal. Even if that woman happens to be a homicidal pirate. That she hates. And she has to study her in case she ever tries to pull these tactics on her. Obviously!

"Olevender? You're reaching, Juju. That's not even a real name." Lettie flips her hair, averting her eyes so she doesn't get caught staring. Not that she's doing anything wrong by staring. Just because the pirate is protecting her now doesn't mean she's dumb enough to let her guard down! Regardless, her gaze flicks back to meet the pirate's when she asks her to take her bombs. With a devilish grin, she reveals two she's taken already before helping herself to those that remain on the other woman's belt. Then she sighs, looking up at the thing. It'll take some climbing to aim for the head. "Yeah, yeah. It'd be easier to be 'useful' if my wing wasn't broken! We should really look into getting a medic on board."

Lettie doesn't stick around for much longer than that, though, climbing the mast to give herself a better vantage point for a headshot. Yeah, a butterfly might landed with more accuracy and less effort on her part... but she's got an act to uphold here! And if things are looking particularly dicey, she can always send a butterfly out as a failsafe.

"Ah!" Lettie's foot slips and she hugs onto the mast as the ship trembles violently. The walls are glowing and the world itself is humming. The faerie takes her shot and throws one of the bombs as far as she can-- and although she aims for the head, it bounces off and lands closer to some plugged in cables before it actually explodes. Before she can see what kind of damage it does, a blinding light sweeps over them, blanketing everything in sight with a snowy white that reminds her of the first world she and Juno got trapped on. Except this isn't snow. No, instead it's kind of like the ship is trapped in a pure white box. They're surrounded by pure nothingness as far as the eye can see.

The faerie climbs back down to the deck, squinting at their new environment. Their adversary is nowhere in sight. (But just because they can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there.) On occasion the blank slate of a world around them glitches and shivers with static.

"Their tech's seriously outdated. This was... probably a simulation once?" Lettie tries to reason through the weirdness. Considering Juno didn't know what karaoke was, she figures she ought to try to explain what she thinks she knows about all of this. "But it's totally broken." The walls shudder with static again, as if to confirm this fact. She shakes her head, resigned. "If we find a weakness in the wall we could probably break through it... but in a place like this it'll take a shitload of trial and error."

With a frustrated sigh, Lettie tosses one of the bombs overboard to see if it does any damage. When it explodes, the white walls turn a horrific shade of red.

"Be judged." The voice thunders in with a thick coating of static. The nothingness flickers again. And then before either of them can react, hundreds of giant eyeballs open up on walls. They wander around restlessly before settling down to stare upon the faerie and the pirate. (Strangely enough, one of the eyes is not like the rest. It blinks rapidly and glitches out, turning white, and then blue, and then red...) "Judge-- judged."
 
"Hey, it's not my fucking fault your name is impossible to remember," she says to Olette, matter of factly. (It does actually bother the pirate that she's accidentally remembered the name and she does not want the faerie to know that she knows it! So she's just not going to say it ever or even acknowledge that she knows it. The faerie might get the wrong idea if she were to; might start thinking that the pirate actually cares about her and if she thinks that, then she might think the pirate's gone soft, and she might then try to take advantage of that softness. Not that Juno is going soft or anything––the faerie would be a fucking idiot to think she is (so maybe it's not a reach to assume she would arrive to that conclusion)––but she doesn't need that smear on her reputation. Nope, she's a hardened pirate with room in heart for only herself.)

When she looks over her shoulder to see if the faerie is following her instructions, she wishes she could create body doubles just so that one of them could fucking tackle the fucking faerie. "Stop stealing my shit, you piece of shit!" Just!!! How the fuck did she already steal two of her bombs without her fucking noticing!? What is she going to have to do to keep Olette from her possessions? Put them all under lock and key? Ugh, she somehow doesn't think that will stop the pastel thorn in her side, but she is actively thinking of ways to fucking guard her shit. (Yeah, maybe she'll start putting blood wards on her shit––that outta keep the little bitch out.)

"Goddess," the pirate rolls her eyes when the faerie suggests hiring a medic, "Why the fuck was magic even wasted on you?" Like, sure, until a few days ago the pirate hadn't know that magic outside of necromancy was real, but she also hadn't known that there were some magic users who are absolutely useless with the gift (the faerie, cough, cough). But Juno supposes that not everyone can be as innovative and genius as herself. (Of course the desperation that had inspired such innovation is not one that she wishes to relive, remember, or recall. So she doesn't. She mostly pretends it had been her own magical prowess that led to her figuring out how to reverse engineer necromancy and use the principles to invent a new necromantic discipline to aid in healing. Like, as far as she knows, she's the only necromancer on Desdemonia to have figured that out.) Which is to say, yeah, she could totally heal the faerie. She'd need some time to figure out the nature of the faerie's bug-like wings, but she has little doubt she could trace the deadened parts of her crushed wing and resurrect them. There's just no good reason for her to do that or let on that she could. As of right now, it would just be a waste of her magic. "I am sure there is a way for you to repurpose your disaster magnetic magic to fix your wing if you really put your heart into it. I believe in you, Orlovskaya," she encourages insincerely as she continues to slice through the endless cables.

Endless fucking cables, to be precise. Just, how is this thing not at all affected by any of Juno's attacks? Why does it feel like it's impossible to slow this red eyed thing down? Juno isn't giving up, just to clarify, but as sweat soaks through her shirt and drips down her back, she's starting to put more and more hope that her idea to blow the bitch up will work and won't, you know, just result in more fucking cables trying to rip her up. 'C'mon, faerie, don't fuck this up––'

Ba-boom!

For a second the pirate is convinced that faerie actually decided to blow her up as a blinding white light sweeps over the room. Except, she realizes she's still breathing, not feeling any pain, and that the sweeping light has simply washed the entire room in white. So she's not dead. Her scarred brow arches as she scans this new, odd landscape. The hacked cables have all disappeared from the deck and, obviously, that giant thing is gone as well. Still, Juno keeps her weapon at the ready not at all trusting the emptiness of this space. Cautiously, she approaches the railing of her ship to peer over the edge, noticing the way the entire expanse ripples with static. "A simulation?" she repeats dumbly, looking back at Olette. (She tries to ignore the embarrassment creeping in her stomach when the other woman casually mentions that this technology is outdated, because where this is outdated to the faerie? This is the most advanced tech the necromancer's ever seen. She's not even sure her world had such technology before the Calamity.) She rubs the back of her neck, trying to follow along with whatever it is Olette is saying. Part of her wants to believe that the faerie is just bs-ing her, but she doesn't really believe that is the case at all (unfortunately). "We're... fucking trapped."

And before she can elaborate on that genius hypothesis, the faerie decides to drop one of her bombs, triggering an entirely new glitch. When the one million eyes all blink to life and stare them down, Juno glares at bugsy. "Look who's fucking choosing violence now! You better hope this is a fucking improvement."

(It's not.)

It obviously isn't when yet another disembodied voice starts talking them, saying something about judgment. "Great. Fucking great. Fantastic even," the pirate mutters under her breath, trying to figure out just how to prep for whatever is about to happen. The thought to just start tossing bombs and launching cannonballs at the enemy does occur to Juno, but it also occurs to her that that might be a waste of her fucking resources. It might also just trigger a whole new series of issues that they distinctly do not need. (She doesn't even dare consider turning to the cube, since all it does is fling them from one disaster to the next. Something, something the devil you know or whatever.)

Upon their judgment, the hundreds of eyes peel away from the walls, slowly circling around the pirate's ship and though it's slow, it's no less dizzying to look at. Strangely, the single red eye seems to infect those around it and more start to turn red; it's like watching a virus spread. The circling red swarm of eyes start to speed up until they're a blur and practically blinding. The word "Judged," continues to be repeated to the point where Juno questions if it even is a word. "What the Hell." (She's trying to spice up her catch phrases.) The pirate grips the railing with one hand and uses her other to cover her wide eyes from the light. (Goddess, where the fuck are a pair of sunglasses when you fucking need them?? ...It might occur her to ask the vain faerie with aesthetic magic for a pair, but she refuses to ask her for help. She's also going to pretend the thought to ask hadn't even occurred.)

Everything then goes black.

The lights go out all at once and Juno wonders if the simulation broke some more, but that theory is quickly disproven when a pair of massive red eyes face the pirate's ship. Fuck. "If we get vaporized, you should fucking know that green is not your fucking color. You looked like a splotch of mucus." Priorities, right?

"Judgement." The voices says, talking over the pirate, while its eyes give the impression of a death-glare. "The handlers are found guilty on multiple accounts of planetary tampering, including magic siphoning. Project Genesis to be terminated. End of message. Goodbye." The glowing eyes close, plunging them into darkness once more. Then a countdown clock displays on the wall, counting down from two minutes.

"What––I don't fucking know how to siphon magic! Or fucking planetary tampering," Juno insists, watching the unfeeling countdown dwindle closer down to zero. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 'Think, Juno fucking think. Olette said something about... A weakness in the walls?' Of course, she doesn't forget that the faerie's explosion had done nothing more than land them in deeper shit (and she's too panicked to point this out at the moment). So exploding shit is out of the question. ...But if Marjorie installed those specialized spark cannons like she fucking asked... Well, it's better than nothing. "Faerie, would... How precisely do we need to hit the walls' weakness? Is it possible to just fuckin' supercharge an area? Shut the entire place down as a result?"
 
"A simulation. It's essentially a technological representation of something... but what?" Lettie muses automatically when Juno asks, bringing a hand to her chin. She's too curious to be a little shit know-it-all about it at this point. Hm, hm. It's apparent that this technological beast had an ambition when it (presumably) created this place. But to make it a blank slate? It comes across as sloppy, incomplete, or broken on some level. At least until those freaky fucking eyes start to show up everywhere. Oooookay! So there is some sort of function to this place. And that beast was very adamant on judging them when it sent them here in the first place. "This could be a failed attempted at recreating what their world was like before it was destroyed. Or maybe they made it in the image of their horrifying 'Great Star' to scare off intruders like us." Only an overpowered god, goddess, or a mockery of one could possess that many unsettling fucking eyes. "Either way, this world is running on generated magic, Juju. Which means they're going to run out of it eventually." She purses her lips, confident in her assessment. "They're trying to stall us with this nonsense because they know they can't hold out forever."

Then everything goes dark. And while Lettie's observations might have had some merit, the simulation hit them with a curveball. A curveball in the form of murderous red eyes and a countdown.

"...Or they're gonna to fire us down immediately with the big guns. Right." Lettie stares into the red eyes, on the verge of hyperventilating. Makes sense. They're desperate. But... is this where it ends for her? Killed off on some rundown world for no apparent reason, shackled with crimes she never committed? (Sure, sure. She's not a perfect little darling, having committed her fair share of crimes... but none of those that this thing is accusing her of! Her hacking mostly involves stealing glyphs for dazzling new clothes and shoes. Well. Maybe they are sorta guilty of the planetary tampering stuff? She and Juno swung through various worlds with all the grace of a wrecking ball. Heh. Oops. Magic siphoning, though... where the hell did that one came from?) Who else but herself and Juno are around to be judged by this thing? The skeletons, maybe? Or... even the cube itself? Is cubey being judged? But cubey is a cube. A hella powerful cube equipped with everything from world travel to party mode, but still... "You can't judge us without a proper trial, asshole!"

The countdown continues to tick down unfeelingly in spite of Lettie's protests, though, and her heart races faster alongside the endless dance of the milliseconds counting down to their inevitable deaths. Shit shit sh-- green? Splotch of mucus!? Why, that insufferable pirate! With that, the faerie shoves all of her fear into the fires of her rage and lets it burn.

"Oh yeah? Well, only the realest badasses can rock the color pink!" Lettie claims hotly, gesturing meaningfully to her lovely pink hair. Then she glyphs Juno's outfit to be pink again, specifically to spite her. "You, though? You act like you're fucking afraid of it! Is that what it is, Juju? Are you afraid of a little pink?" The faerie then proceeds to turn everything she can see pink. Crates, the sails, ropes, even Phillip. The skeleton delightedly hops with a loud 'thump', bringing oversized hands to an oversized jaw in glee. Hehe.

"Miss Olette! Can I be purple? It is such a regal color. And Abigail would like to be blue." Marjorie waltzes over to them upon noticing Phillip's transformation. Lettie nods and does just that. Welp. Even if they die, at least she'll be the prettiest, most popular person aboard this ship! Take that, Juno! Suddenly the skeletons are clambering over each other (and themselves) to chime in with their requests to be made over, signaled with their uniquely excited hand language. She giggles at the sight. "Awww, you guys! Alright, alright! One at a time."

While some part of Lettie is done enough throw her arms up to party and distract herself by making over the skellies until they all get blown to bits, Juno's question does reach her. And a question that isn't punctuated by a signature threat at that? Blinking bewilderedly, she turns to look point blank at her then. So the pirate... actually listened to her for once? Didn't just discard it to whatever trash pile her words (and name) were apparently designated to rot in her brain? Maybe it's for that reason that she actually humors it with a legitimate answer of her own.

"Well... we haven't explored the entire perimeter yet. There's no way of knowing the scale of this place... unless I run a scan." Lettie answers, waving her hand lightly to ask the skeletons for a little patience. That must be why it's now showing them an environment, but rather solid colors-- like white before and now, black. It gives them very little perception of just how large it is. "But theoretically, yeah. That'd be possible. Depending on how hard you can hit it, you could probably get away with hitting close to the weak point rather than hitting it directly." She hums, "Unless you're capable of hitting it in every direction at once, though, I'll also need to find out where the weakness is so we get it right on the first try. Otherwise we might trigger another defense mechanism... for all I know, the countdown could automatically drop to zero as a failsafe. And then ka-boom!"

Many of the skeletons react to the faerie's theatrics by bringing their hands to their faces or waving their arms frantically in the air.

Lettie turns to Inez, all business now. "...Hey, Inez. Will you grab me my goggles and the largest mirror you can find? You gotta hurry. We don't have much time."

"Sure! But only if you give my bones a sassy cheetah print pattern. I believe it will make me feel like a 'badass'." Inez strikes a killer pose. Lettie nods sagely, finding this request perfectly reasonable, and complies. And then, with a strut worthy of a supermodel, the skeleton sets off to complete her task.

"So what's the plan, Juniver? How do you propose we hit this thing?" Lettie crosses her arms, setting her sights on the pirate. With a little sigh, she glyphs Juno's clothes back to black. If the pirate feels like a badass in black, she'll let her have that. Besides, she clearly knows what she's doing because she looks pretty damn good in-- nope! Nope, nope, nope. Obviously the adrenaline of a close-to-death experience is impacting her ability to form coherent thoughts. That's all this is!
 
'Generated magic?' Though the necromancer doesn't voice this question, it's written in her eyes. The thought that magic is something that is generated is not one that Juno has ever considered before. Before, she has mostly assumed that magic is... well, magic. There is no need for explanation beyond that. It exists and can be used. Of course, thinking on the faerie's implication more deeply, she can see the parallels between how her people have come to use magic and perhaps this planet. After all, her people learned to harness the energetic expulsion that comes from death to resurrect corpses, siphon spirits, create wards, and so on. Death is her source of magic. (She wonders what this planet might have chosen as its own source. A week ago she would have thought that magic can only come from death, but adventures with the faerie have told her otherwise––magic is more than death. It can be ice, sugar, fire, fashion (unfortunately), robots, and now whatever this is.) The pirate scratches her chin as she mulls over these revelations, not even bothering to question the faerie's authority on the subject––either she's that desperate or Olette is that convincing. Jury is still out on that one. "Genesis does mean beginning, so I guess trying to recreate their first world makes fucking sense," the pirate shrugs. "But it's not our fucking problem it got wrecked in the first place. Bet they were like any other greedy hellscape and burned down their forests for fuel money. We sure as fuck shouldn't be getting blamed for that."

However, before they are able to establish some rare temporary alliance, the faerie chooses anarchy and insubordination. "Change me back, you bitch!! I was offering you some valuable fucking feedback so that in your next fucking life you don't make the mistake of going green! You're fucking welcome!" Not only does she change the pirate's clothes fucking pink, she starts flooding the ship in pink and then even washes the colossal skeleton she made with it. This chain of events causes her idiot crew members to all demand makeovers of their own!

Though Juno should have given up hope that the faerie would remain focused on their need to fucking survive, Olette surprises her once she finally registers the question that the pirate asked. She even turns Juno's clothes back to their comfortable shade of black. Good. Juno hates pink. (It does look nice on the faerie, and that's why she didn't say anything about that shade, but she won't say anything now lest it go to the faerie's head and she lose focus yet again.) (Also, another thing while we're listing out things that Juno doesn't want to admit, but she finds it attractive that the faerie isn't fucking deadweight and apparently actually knows something about magic even if she sucks at using it herself. But that's entirely off the fucking record.) "Lady is a fucking airship, in case your weird little eyes hadn't notice. I've gotta be able to fire in all directions if I wanna stand a chance against assholes with armadas." To punctuate what she means, she pulls a device from her pocket––a screen-less brass box with toggles and buttons–-and flips a switch to activate the cannons. Ten pop out to line the perimeter of the ship and four others emerge out of the hull and deck each. She hits another switch and gears start to turn on the side of the cannons, steam hisses out, and, once the cannons are booted up, sparks start flying around them as well.

At that moment, Inez comes back with the faerie's goggles strung around her neck and dragging a large mirror across the ship's floor. Where even did she–– "That's my fucking mirror!?"

"It's your effing gym mirror, captain. I figured that since you are not using it currently, then it is fine for Miss Olette to use," the cheetah clad skeleton shrugs and places the mirror in front of the most popular person on the ship. "Besides, we will die if we do not let her use it. My psychic tells me so."

Honestly, with the countdown clock, you know, counting down, Juno doesn't push it. She just tosses up her hands and shakes her head disapprovingly. For once, she decides to focus her priorities on the right thing: survival. Well until... "Juniver?" she seethes, so close to taking this bait and losing her focus. She manages to reel it in when she notices they've only got 45 seconds to pull this off. "Nope. Noo. Not even fucking going there––you're not distracting me, faerie." And Juniver is actually preferable to Juju, so she won't try to hate on it too much. She pinches the bridge of her nose, collecting her waning patience before she returns to business mode. "The plan is to shock this fucker to oblivion, if we're lucky. Pretty sure I can divert all our power to really pack a punch." The only issue with that being that they will lose power to fucking fly. But between flying and living? She'll make some tough fucking sacrifices. It's their only fucking option. She hits some buttons on the remote so that the cannons reposition to point at various areas of the room. "Just run your fucking scan and tell me where to shoot, Opal."

"P-prepare to perish," the voice cuts in, sounding full of static. Though Juno doesn't take that to mean it's crapping out. Not when the ticker goes from 40 to 30––skipping several precious fucking seconds!

"Fucking hurry!"
 
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