Character Critique Thread

[Teh Frixz]

I can assure you if there were similar issues on other characters, I'd bring them up as well. 

 

[Gus]

I can assure you if there were similar issues on other characters, I'd bring them up as well. 

I can vouch!

 

[The J]

I haven't put forth any ideas for concessions or changes yet because it has seemed like there's nothing you guys would accept about this character, but I can do most of this.

Let's not exaggerate mate. People are suggesting improvements, modifications, and cuts, not just saying the character is awful. The criticism so far has been constructive and helpful.

 

[Wixard]

mind control? If it is not in the manual, it ought to be. But that is pretty basic RP etiquette, I'm told. (I'm an old fart who is used to pen and paper gaming, and have had to learn the hard way what not to do.)

Mind control is not actually something that I want, I guess I should make a point of saying that.

 

[D. Rex]

Mind control is not actually something that I want, I guess I should make a point of saying that.

One thing we have to consider is what can be done with a power. While something might not be an intended effect, if it CAN technically do something, (regardless of the player going to do it or not) then we have to take notice and take it into consideration. 


For example.  When I finish Salem, I will also likely get flak for the potential of being able to control the robo's.

 

[Wixard]

One thing we have to consider is what can be done with a power. While something might not be an intended effect, if it CAN technically do something, (regardless of the player going to do it or not) then we have to take notice and take it into consideration. 


For example.  When I finish Salem, I will also likely get flak for the potentiometer of being able to control the robo's.

Yeah, have to work in a way to not do that

 

[Gus]

It might be helpful to note that while we DO have a nanite based character "Lazarus" he squeaked in on the basis that he was an accidental circumstance.


Nanite tech has the potential to raise people from the dead. Death in this RP is supposed to be permanent.  The conceit of the lazarus character is that an experimental Nanite was used on an old man and deemed a failure because he died.


But when the nanites repaired his faulty A6G23 gene, it activated a low level energy field, which sparked the nanites themselves into sentience.


So now they operate the dead body like a puppet, repairing it constantly and posing as human. 


It doesn't give him any superpowers except regeneration,(EDITEDTOADD:AND HEALING!) and he can barely walk (and he's creeeeeeeeepy!)


So that is our baseline for nanites in this RP. It is marginally better than a wheelchair, and you are not actually alive anymore just a shell.  


Lazarus doesn't even have an internet connection. He has to google by hand with shaky old dead hands.

 

[welian]

@Wixard Since your character's main stat is Intelligence, I've used my almighty database to look up what other characters have high Int.

• Jordan Brahn at 9 points and thus is at the top of the list, is a C rank. His main power is general hyper-intelligence, and his two supporting powers are photographic memory, and basically having the biological equivalent of a quad-core processor for a brain. He's just good at multitasking. He's only a C rank because intelligence is a very passive ability that is not inherently destructive.
  
• Allen McNabb, aka Lazarus, has 7 in intelligence. He is actually a sentient swarm of nanobots inhabiting a dead body, and is either an S rank or an Experimental class robot, depending on how you count him as a character. His "power" is that the nanobot swarm can heal their host body, and other biological system. Lazarus' intelligence reflects its existence as a a swarm of tiny robots.
  
• Also at 7 points is Kyle Keysor, who is pretty much an A rank dreamweaver. Since intelligence is a stat is not about book smarts, but rather, the ability to remember information, pattern recognition, visualizing three dimensional objects, and other similar tasks that you would come across in a standard IQ test, it makes sense that someone with the ability to create constructs from his dreams would also have high intelligence.
  

If you give me a little longer, I could actually crunch the data and give you the mean and median stat distribution for all the officially accepted characters thus far.

 

[Wixard]

Lazarus doesn't even have an internet connection. He has to google by hand with shaky old dead hands.

K well that's kinda hilarious. My character treats her nanites like remote controls...so if she actually died they'd stop. 

 

[Wixard]

I could actually crunch the data and give you the mean and median stat distribution for all the officially accepted characters thus far.

Doesn't the ranking system make that irrelevant? S rank characters would have 25-27 stats, regardless of what the other characters had.

 

[welian]

Doesn't the ranking system make that irrelevant? S rank characters would have 25-27 stats, regardless of what the other characters had.

Nah, because there's like, seven stats and distribution within each stat is different.


For example: There are 46 characters in the database. The average (mean) Intelligence score of all of these 46 characters is 3.4. The median in 3. The standard deviation is approximately 1.67. Considering that a 2 is considered average in any stat except energy for an unpowered human, this is not too far off from the actual population in the roleplay's setting, which I think is kinda nifty!

 

[Wixard]

That's pretty interesting

 

[Meredith]

Doesn't the ranking system make that irrelevant? S rank characters would have 25-27 stats, regardless of what the other characters had.

Supers are ranked in-game mostly by how destructive their power would be.


You just have to remember - Aegis is not about having powers. It's not about winning the game. It's a school roleplay - a realistic, slightly futuristic, life game. They just.. happen to have superpowers.


Here goes my thing:


So this is a bring-back character from when I was in the game before. She's already been accepted at this point, but I'd still like to hear some feedback on her.


Because she's been played, it's hard to adjust major things, but I'd like a bit of suggestion on what to change/how to expand with her. 

 

[Wixard]

Made some edits:


Cybermind


Cyberpathy is telepathy with computers. Being a cybermind means that your brain also behaves like a computer, thinking faster and multitasking better than a normal human. She can feel the locations of nearby devices which project a wireless signal, and interface with them at will. For devices without wifi capability, she has to touch them in order to interface. Once connected, she can quickly analyze a device's hardware and code, learning to manipulate it at an accelerated pace. This allows her to bypass security systems and control machinery with her mind. The more complex a system is, the more concentration it requires. A system capable of sentience or high levels of adaptive learning is entirely too complex for her to control.


Supporting powers

• Nanite Host: Asa's body is host to a colony of nanites that maintain her health and repair damage. She can use small groups of nanites to assist her in performing medicine on others. Nanites can perform simple tasks without much conscious thought from Asa, but complex surgical proceedures require her full concentration.
  
• Digital Learning: Asa can download and store information directly from the internet. She has compiled a detailed medical library which she uses primarily for first aid and microsurgery. Asa's first aide techniques may negate the need for a hospital visit entirely, depending on the injury.
  

 

[Lemon Boy]

@Wixard


Already loving the edits, they look like a giant leap in progress! 


Keep it going like that and you'll have a character in no time


Think you can make some edits to her weaknesses as well to account for the new version of powers?


Also, this might just be a personal problem, but If you're keeping it, would you be able to further elaborate on the "Bionic Diet" bit?


I have a bit of difficulty understanding it and what she actually needs to do to fulfill her diet. Does she eat a certain type of food and if so what types or does she have to do something with the Nanite's to ensure they keep her well sustained?

 

[Wixard]

I really hate the name bionic diet *thinks*

 

[Wixard]

Limitations:

• Hyperfocus: Controlling technology requires a lot of focus. For example, while 'seeing' through a network of camera's Asa may lose track of her what's going in on her immediate vicinity, much like wearing a VR headset and headphones. Similarly, she may forget to watch where she's going or other ordinary things while she's focused on technology. When manipulating a particularly complex system, she may even fail to notice if she becomes injured.
  
• EM Vulnerability: Asa has heavily modified herself with technology on the cellular level. Strong magnets and EMPs can injure and disorient her, or completely incapacitate her.
  
• Digital Hardware: While she has a strong immune system/firewall, Asa can be infected with computer viruses. Until she can delete the virus, it can cause physical symptoms of sickness.
  

 

[Wixard]

As far as nanite origins, the criminal heritage backstory strikes me as interesting. Does Aegis...rehabilitate? Or would someone like her be locked up and the key thrown away?

 

[Lemon Boy]

@Wixard Aegis can rehabilitate, though the criminal being rehabilitated would have to stay at a surveillanced house, tracked and something also along those lines. 

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

So... Not to intrude, but, how does Vivian stand?


I'm thinking that dropping a couple of points out of INT and putting them into energy and defense or just getting rid of them to drop down to D Rank might be appropriate, atm.

 

[welian]

You're not intruding! Let me check some shenanigans, and get back to you with an update.

 

[Wixard]

So... Not to intrude, but, how does Vivian stand?


I'm thinking that dropping a couple of points out of INT and putting them into energy and defense or just getting rid of them to drop down to D Rank might be appropriate might be appropriate.

You...have two eyes.

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

You...have two eyes.

DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT IT'S EMBARRASSING

 

[Wixard]

Rearranged points to get her down to rank A, put in personal details.

 

[D. Rex]

Rearranged points to get her down to rank A, put in personal details.

Looking over your CS again, and it is a big step in the right direction.


Let's see now.... 


The powers and limitations section are much more within the realms of acceptance.


Regarding the powers, I would like to see more details on the nannite regeneration. Such has how fast she can heal because of them. Such as would a gash repair before the eyes or take an hour? Could she regrow lost limbs?


Regarding the digital learning. Does it work like the matrix and she can learn kung fu via a simple download? Also, will she be bound by the limit of knowledge vs experience? For example she may know how to perform brain surgery, but she wouldn't have the practical ability and steady hands. If so, it would be a great addition for an extra limitation. As those you can have as many as you want. 


Regarding limitations. Would an EM attack destroy the nannites in her body? And would that leave her without them permenantly.


Regarding clarification of the digital hardware. Is this in reference to how her mind works in a firewall defense around her mind directly? If so, would someone like Salem, who operates be hypothetically able to dive into her head and mess around? I think that could create some amusing games.


Alrighty! Onto the personality section!


First and foremost. Her being Autistic needs to be explained in more detail, as well as how it affects her and how she deals with it. It needs much more of a mention than a side comment. If you can portray a mental disorder accurately and well, then go for it, otherwise I would suggest going without it. Having character with mental disabilities comes with its own set of problems, and is not something I believe should be added to a character lightly. I tell you this because how it is detailed in the CS, and showing me that you can make it work, will be something that I will definitely be looking at in regards to acceptance. For me, this also applies to cases such as narcissism, PTSD, depression, and other such things. While I am not against them, I like many others, have seen where such traits have become issues due to poor execution.


The personalities themselves! I would like to see it in the format like the other CSs.


Trait: description


Makes for easy understanding for skimmers and critics. 


As for the history, I wI'll wait for you to proclaim you are finished with it before I pass any criticism on it for now. (Cause I haven't the time atm xD )