Character Critique Thread
- Thread starter welian
- Start date
Gus
Justice RIDES AGAIN!!!
oh and 'role's how you aim to fit in at aegis.
First character, as i noted, is required to be a student.
First character, as i noted, is required to be a student.
D. Rex
Magic Eight Ball
Well, I think my first thought would be that you should focus on either Cyber-mind OR telekinesis. As I dint think the character would get approved having both powers at once. Supporting powers generally have to be related in a strong sense. For example, a regenerator could have a supporting power of being a bit stronger, but a fire manipulator wouldn't be able to read minds.
As well, for stats, none of her powers really constitute as exuding energy. Psychic powers generally fall under will power. As well, there would likely need to be a listed reason why her health stat is so high.
The role basically asks where your character is.
Student at Aegis
Normal human
Teacher at Aegis
Villain
Knight of Raguel
Stuff like that.
Gus
Justice RIDES AGAIN!!!
I was answering the question from the CS. You put "what is this" by 'role'
That is what that is.
As for imports, all my characters have their original lives in Champions RPG on pen and paper back in college. All of them morphed a lot to fit the free form format. It happens. Adjusting to new circumstances has made them much more interesting than their source material, but maybe that is just old me being more boring than new me…
Wixard
Thinkerer
Health stat is high because of the blood nanites. Maybe I could find a similar way to justify the telekinesis? I could limit that to a utility power as well, not something she could do with large objects. TK is energy or willpower?
Gus
Justice RIDES AGAIN!!!
Wixard
Thinkerer
This takes place in the future and Asa's tech (nanites, supercomputers) already exists in the present. Nanites are a little basic, but that changes when you can control them with your mind and don't have to figure out how to program them.
Lemon Boy
~Brilliantly Bitter~
@Wixard Indeed Nanites and Supercomputers exist, but you'd have to be pretty goddamn rich to get access to them. Sure, technology has advanced but It certainly isn't to such a level that people go walking down the streets with their local mecha companion. She'd either have to make them entirely herself, which would still be quite expensive still. Unless she's the child of the richest person in the world, I'd personally suggest toning down her tech a bit.
Try to remember that you bend for the Rp, the Rp doesn't bend for ye.
Try to remember that you bend for the Rp, the Rp doesn't bend for ye.
Teh Frixz
That lady robot
So how in god's name did this self proclaimed supercomputer/nanite tech come into the possession of a 13 year old girl with there being heavy restriction on metahumans and arguably greater restriction on experimental tech. I'm going to need some serious retooling of the sheet to get approval. I also see that instead of a power, you have four powers. How did the nanites get in her? Where is all this high tech stuff coming from? Why is she allowed access to all this? Does she control via her own internal biologic internet? How does she have a callsign despite being underage for her blue card?
I think this is a classic case of trying to do too much in a character combined with most of this tech being outside the realm of what is feasible in the setting. It's what? 2040? I doubt in 20 years highly advanced nanites will be commonly injected into the teen populace. Adjust for the setting and then we can talk about narrowing down the character a bit to be more in line with the feel of the game.
I think this is a classic case of trying to do too much in a character combined with most of this tech being outside the realm of what is feasible in the setting. It's what? 2040? I doubt in 20 years highly advanced nanites will be commonly injected into the teen populace. Adjust for the setting and then we can talk about narrowing down the character a bit to be more in line with the feel of the game.
Wixard
Thinkerer
Calm down, please. I am trying to evaluate how much I'd have to change this idea in order to make it fit. I do that by pushing back to see how much leeway I have and tossing up different kinds of ideas and interpretations to see what is liked/accepted. If I can't get this idea to fit into the RP while still being the character I want to play, I'll just make a different character.
She has a callsign because there was a spot on the CS for codenames so I put something there. I didn't realize codenames were only for blue card peoples.
She is a student.
Nanites are easy to explain. Here's an example: she had a medical condition and an experimental procedure was used to treat it. Only, she kept the nanites afterwards because she could control them (which may have been overlooked by the doctors) and didn't want to get sick again. I can come up with a different explanation if you want, that one only took me three minutes.
There's no tech in her besides the nanites and the micromachines she makes with them (which don't do anything power/plot relevant, they're just there for flavor. Tech is mentioned several times to describe her abilities.
I have read that.
Gus
Justice RIDES AGAIN!!!
@Wixard
Who is not calm? You get feedback from the entire character committee and a GM you fight it every step and tell the GM where their lore is wrong. The character could be made to work, but as noted it would require a lot of change and you indicate unwillingness to do that. That is fine; as you say, make something else. As is, she is crazy op and not in flavor. So if she can't be modified, she is not a good fit.
Who is not calm? You get feedback from the entire character committee and a GM you fight it every step and tell the GM where their lore is wrong. The character could be made to work, but as noted it would require a lot of change and you indicate unwillingness to do that. That is fine; as you say, make something else. As is, she is crazy op and not in flavor. So if she can't be modified, she is not a good fit.
Wixard
Thinkerer
I created a character following exactly how the rules were laid out in the roleplay guide. I created an S rank character with off-the-chart level 9 intellect, as per rules. Unwritten rules appeared. Some people would think that's unfair, but I don't care if it is or not. What troubles me is that I neither know nor understand these rules.
You said she's crazy OP, but I ported her over rather than one of my others or making a new one because she fit within the system presented in the manual. So I think I'm asking the wrong questions. What is an appropriate power for 9 point intelligence?
You said that her tech is too advanced for flavor, but you have sentient robots which are way more advanced than anything that presently exists where as everything she has can already be made iRL. I'll admit to having some difficulty understanding that too. I'm not sure what the right question is here.
Lemon Boy
~Brilliantly Bitter~
@Wixard
I believe there's a small misunderstanding here.
We are not saying that the tech isn't too high tech, but saying that It would be highly unlikely that they'd have access to it. The robot Larry for example, is extremely high tech, but he also literally costed millions of dollars and was made by an incredibly rich man who can make it rain wherever he wants. It seems unrealistic that a thirteen-year-old, a minor, would be used for a medical trial including experimental tech.
I believe there's a small misunderstanding here.
We are not saying that the tech isn't too high tech, but saying that It would be highly unlikely that they'd have access to it. The robot Larry for example, is extremely high tech, but he also literally costed millions of dollars and was made by an incredibly rich man who can make it rain wherever he wants. It seems unrealistic that a thirteen-year-old, a minor, would be used for a medical trial including experimental tech.
The J
I'm trying, damn it
Put it this way man. You've been asked multiple times to change it, and nobody's going to back down on letting the character in without the concessions laid out. In the end, it's a little pointless arguing, as nobody will get anywhere. If I were you, I'd make another character - maybe a less powerful one too, to keep things interesting.
Lemon Boy
~Brilliantly Bitter~
@Wixard
I personally believe that and agreeing with @The J that creating an entirely new character suited towards this rp would be far better than simply trying to import one that was originally made for what I presume was a fairly different Rp in an utterly different setting. You'd have a far more easier time getting them accepted and would certainly save yourself some time in trying to modify an import to fit into a different rp.
I personally believe that and agreeing with @The J that creating an entirely new character suited towards this rp would be far better than simply trying to import one that was originally made for what I presume was a fairly different Rp in an utterly different setting. You'd have a far more easier time getting them accepted and would certainly save yourself some time in trying to modify an import to fit into a different rp.
D. Rex
Magic Eight Ball
@Wixard
Alrighty! From the top, let us discuss what you have so far of your character and what issues there are and why. I am keeping it brief cause my time is limited.
Powers: As it stands, as I understand it, she can: control machines with her mind, has super brain processing, internet connection, regeneration, telekenisis, and precognition.
This is really too much for a character. And really should be scaled down. While some of these can work together, when they are all combined like this it is OP. As I said before, a good idea for modification would be to focus either on the tech side or the telekenisis side. Given that she is more techy, I would suggest taking away the psychic powers entirely, including the precognition(even though it isn't psychic related in this case). The reason to remove precog in the current sense is because it will likely give more opportunity for things to happen around you and you to react to them, and would be less likely to effect other player characters.
This was your powerset would be much more manageable. Still a bit much, but much more easy to modify. Now, we have machine control, cybermind, internet connection, and nannites. Here you can scale down certain parts, such as restriction to machine control. Even with a 9 in int, your char still must have its limits for the sake of being feasibly playable. Keep in mind that many other players and characters exist in this rp, and the other players are taken into account when when a char is undergoing critique. Including how powers can effect other characters.
A good way to get a bearing is too look over the CS's currently accepted, there are ones with high intelligence that could give you a good reference point of what can be done.
While it can be made to work, it might be easiest to start fresh. Creating a character from the bottom up for Aegis. While imports are perfectly fine, it is much easier to adapt them when you are familiar with the roleplay. This would be my suggestion.
I will talk more about stats next, but I have to stop here for the time being. Got work to do. Hopefully I can be more detailed in my next statement.
Alrighty! From the top, let us discuss what you have so far of your character and what issues there are and why. I am keeping it brief cause my time is limited.
Powers: As it stands, as I understand it, she can: control machines with her mind, has super brain processing, internet connection, regeneration, telekenisis, and precognition.
This is really too much for a character. And really should be scaled down. While some of these can work together, when they are all combined like this it is OP. As I said before, a good idea for modification would be to focus either on the tech side or the telekenisis side. Given that she is more techy, I would suggest taking away the psychic powers entirely, including the precognition(even though it isn't psychic related in this case). The reason to remove precog in the current sense is because it will likely give more opportunity for things to happen around you and you to react to them, and would be less likely to effect other player characters.
This was your powerset would be much more manageable. Still a bit much, but much more easy to modify. Now, we have machine control, cybermind, internet connection, and nannites. Here you can scale down certain parts, such as restriction to machine control. Even with a 9 in int, your char still must have its limits for the sake of being feasibly playable. Keep in mind that many other players and characters exist in this rp, and the other players are taken into account when when a char is undergoing critique. Including how powers can effect other characters.
A good way to get a bearing is too look over the CS's currently accepted, there are ones with high intelligence that could give you a good reference point of what can be done.
While it can be made to work, it might be easiest to start fresh. Creating a character from the bottom up for Aegis. While imports are perfectly fine, it is much easier to adapt them when you are familiar with the roleplay. This would be my suggestion.
I will talk more about stats next, but I have to stop here for the time being. Got work to do. Hopefully I can be more detailed in my next statement.
Wixard
Thinkerer
What if it was a matter of life and death? Or an illegal experiment? Or her father/step uncle/whatever was stupid rich? What if she was raised by a criminal who used her for her ability to manipulate security systems, and she stole them while they were sabotaging a research lab for some nefarious third party with deep wallets?
There are some really interesting potential explanations, and I find your lack of imagination disturbing (character has an obsession with Darth Vader). But seriously, is it just that you don't want me to have them? Because then...I guess I'll stop trying to come up with explanations that fit your lore... *deflates*
Gus
Justice RIDES AGAIN!!!
Don't think of it as unwritten rules. AEGIS has been running almost a year on RPN now, and roots go back way before that. There is a set of cultural norms that have evolved here, and no manual can cover all the norms and mores.
Don't spit on the floor is not a law, it is a norm. Some people ignore it, and those people get shown the door, in my house. You say you don't understand. I am telling you it is because you are not listening. People are telling you the norms.
S class first character? Not against the rules. Frowned upon.
four or more unrelated powers? Actually against the rules. You get one power and two related supporting powers. It is on the CS.
mind control? If it is not in the manual, it ought to be. But that is pretty basic RP etiquette, I'm told. (I'm an old fart who is used to pen and paper gaming, and have had to learn the hard way what not to do.)
precog? Again, maybe not in the manual, but as I said, it was the reason my first character got rejected.
these are the norms. We are trying to tell you. I am seeing a lot of static back.
I don't like it, but I am calm as a cucumber, as they don't say.
Don't spit on the floor is not a law, it is a norm. Some people ignore it, and those people get shown the door, in my house. You say you don't understand. I am telling you it is because you are not listening. People are telling you the norms.
S class first character? Not against the rules. Frowned upon.
four or more unrelated powers? Actually against the rules. You get one power and two related supporting powers. It is on the CS.
mind control? If it is not in the manual, it ought to be. But that is pretty basic RP etiquette, I'm told. (I'm an old fart who is used to pen and paper gaming, and have had to learn the hard way what not to do.)
precog? Again, maybe not in the manual, but as I said, it was the reason my first character got rejected.
these are the norms. We are trying to tell you. I am seeing a lot of static back.
I don't like it, but I am calm as a cucumber, as they don't say.
Wixard
Thinkerer
I haven't put forth any ideas for concessions or changes yet because it has seemed like there's nothing you guys would accept about this character, but I can do most of this.