Character Critique Thread

[welian]

@The J Yo! I finally got around to reading Hadrian's sheet. : )

• Stats: If you haven't already, I suggest taking some of Gus's comments into consideration, and moving one or two stat points to better reflect his regenerative powers.
  
• Backstory: I enjoy Hadrian's backstory, tragic backstories can be hit-or-miss in roleplays, but you've given him solid motivation for becoming a hero and getting his Blue Card - something that surprisingly few characters are working toward in-story. Maye Hadrian will be able to convince a few others to consider a life of public service?
  
• Powers: Compared to how much you wrote to describe his primary power, his secondary powers and his limitations look pretty scant. I suggest adding a few more details to them. And, if you can, maybe find another name for his power that's a bit more descriptive (but that's just a minor quibble).
  

 

[Lioness075]

Just going to throw this out there as a reminder: I want to bring in Lara and Piper for Episode 4.

 

[Gus]

Just going to throw this out there as a reminder: I want to bring in Lara and Piper for Episode 4.

I will remind folks in the character committee 

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

Yo waddup.

 

[simj26]

Yo waddup.

ORE NO STANDO: ECHOES ACT 2

 

[Malikai]

Hello everyone!  I've just been given posting rights,  so I can finally post my character here. :Ghost:

 
​

 

[Gus]

Hello everyone!  I've just been given posting rights,  so I can finally post my character here. :Ghost:

 
​

Welcome KM!  I already started some discussions in the character committee yesterday. Generally positive reaction. One area you might want to fiddle with is stats.


1 is below average for normal human. 2 is average. 3 is the limit for normals.


4 is super, 5 is exceptional super, 6 is Very Powerful, 7 and 8 are into wtf territory, and 9 is off the scale.


So energy stat is a little higher than you probably need. Green Lantern would probably only be 7. 8 tops. 8, to me, would be more like Firestorm, or if you're marvel fan, maybe cyclops? 9 is like Adam Warlock WITH the infinity gauntlet. But maybe ALSO cyclops because off the scale is off the scale, you know?


Meanwhile, you have a BUNCH of below average stats to pay for it. So I would suggest dropping energy to maybe 6 or 7 which is still crazy powerful, Dr. Strange level constructs, and put two or three more into not being a scrawny sickly kid with a thousand allergies...


Does that help to clarify stat system? Analogy to comic books works for me, but some have found my explanations confusing...


In any case, cool character, cool  background, motivations, etc. Look forward to writing with you!


-Gus

 

[Malikai]

Welcome KM!  I already started some discussions in the character committee yesterday. Generally positive reaction. One area you might want to fiddle with is stats.


1 is below average for normal human. 2 is average. 3 is the limit for normals.


4 is super, 5 is exceptional super, 6 is Very Powerful, 7 and 8 are into wtf territory, and 9 is off the scale.


So energy stat is a little higher than you probably need. Green Lantern would probably only be 7. 8 tops. 8, to me, would be more like Firestorm, or if you're marvel fan, maybe cyclops? 9 is like Adam Warlock WITH the infinity gauntlet. But maybe ALSO cyclops because off the scale is off the scale, you know?


Meanwhile, you have a BUNCH of below average stats to pay for it. So I would suggest dropping energy to maybe 6 or 7 which is still crazy powerful, Dr. Strange level constructs, and put two or three more into not being a scrawny sickly kid with a thousand allergies...


Does that help to clarify stat system? Analogy to comic books works for me, but some have found my explanations confusing...


In any case, cool character, cool  background, motivations, etc. Look forward to writing with you!


-Gus

Thank you for your response!  Sorry for quoting you, the site isn't letting me tag you for some reason.  Again, thank you for the compliments.  As for the stats I suppose I misunderstood.  I did want him to be immensely powerful, but Dr. Strange is quite powerful enough.  To me it made sense to have him as weak in strength and defense seeing as he grew up without any proper nutrition to grow up healthy.  I'm going to wait to change it and see some more responses first.  Thank you for your advice. :Ghost:

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

ORE NO STANDO: ECHOES ACT 2

Maybe if she took like, superpower steroids.

@The One Eyed Bandit


You seem to have accidentally switched the character's eye color and hair color by mistake!  I can't wait to read her history when it is finished.

 

[DamagedGlasses]

Finished and ready for anyone to look at it.

 

[Malikai]

@The One Eyed Bandit


You seem to have accidentally switched the character's eye color and hair color by mistake!  I can't wait to read her history when it is finished.


@Kingmalikai


As I was told by the GM, your character should have four personality traits total.  Two of them are neutral, one of them is positive, and one of them is negative.  Your character seems to be lacking a negative personality trait.

Unless I'm mistaken, the last personality trait is negative.  It essentially says that when JJ decides something he'll go through it even if it's the wrong thing to do.  All that matters in his mind is what he believes, and unless somebody manages to somehow convince him he's wrong then he'll continue doing it.  I can change it if it's not strong enough.

 

[Malikai]

@Kingmalikai perhaps you could simply reword it.  I got a strong impression that it was a positive trait.

Yup, no problem!


EDIT: Also, @Gus I changed my stats if you want to check them out again.

 

[Gus]

@Kingmalikai looks good!


on the question of negative trait, maybe a different title would make it clearer? 


Assertive is is almost always a good connotation. 


What you actually describe sounds more like 'dogged' or 'stubborn'


maybe inflexible, bullheaded, obstinate, hard headed...?


sumppin like that.

 

[The J]

@The J


Character committee was looking Hadrian over earlier today. Here are some thoughts we kicked around:


Given the imperfect regeneration, maybe dial his strength health and defense down a bit, and increase will to compensate? (Or even reduce him a rank. Lower rank characters are more common and easier to get approval.)


The thinking here is that the way you describe him he is more like John McCain (Die Hard) than Wade Wilson (Deadpool)


I see the connection to regeneration and super strength mind you, wolverine has superhuman strength because the healing factor makes working out incredibly effective.


But what you describe is unique, and that is a good thing. Maybe make him a twisted mass of scar tissue with strength, defense, and health just barely over the human norm, but a crazy high will stat to indicate his enormous potential to push himself to go on in spite of terrible pain and horrific damage. And there is cost to that. Due to imperfect regeneration, he'll never fully get better. Just good enough to go on.


How's that sound?

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]It’s not so much that the power itself is regeneration. It’s more allowing him not to [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]need [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]regeneration, because of his physiology. It’s optimised to make him able to abuse it however the hell he wants, and to make him have none of the usual human weak points - cut his throat, the blood plugs it nearly immediately, and arteries grow redirect the blood flow. In essence, that’s not so much regeneration as needing a hell of a lot more whacking to keep him down. Save for his brain, most attacks short of cutting a limb off will be pretty ineffectual.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]As for the John McClane comparison… perhaps it’s an apt metaphor, but not so much a direct parallel - McClane is still human, after all.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]The super strength itself is not solely due to the regeneration. The slow regen ability just lets him put on muscle faster than most.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]His main ability, let’s call it physiological compensation, or PhC for short, is what makes him so damn strong. He can abuse his endocrine system (adrenaline and testosterone, mainly) to strengthen him by removing the usual limits the body puts on its muscles to avoid them tearing. Most muscles can only pull, not push. His do [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]both.[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px] You know how non-muscle cells can use their internal structure to change shape? Even that contributes a little bit![/SIZE]


[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]I do like the monstrous appearance idea. Perhaps the PhC compensates for a while, making him end up monstrous, but the slow secondary regen is also imperfect - it restores him to full working order, but everything ends up looking messy and gross regardless. Skin becomes just as strong as before, but is covered in keloids, stretched and pale areas, blemishes, and other unsightly recovered wounds. Maybe a bit of shattered bone lodged under the skin, forming a lump. You get the idea. He’s at full capacity after enough time healing, but he sure as hell looks otherwise.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]For now I’d say he just has some less-obvious scarring, but in the future he’ll gradually get worse. Maybe he’ll accidentally grow extra limbs that keep growing back one day![/SIZE]


[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]The stats: honestly I think health should be bigger than willpower, because it’s not his brain that keeps him going, his fighting spirit (though that helps), but his power, and how his body works. It’s also worth noting that the pain isn’t a problem, as a secondary power of his is pain nullification, though that again is also boosted by his primary power. Adrenaline is a great painkiller![/SIZE]

@The J Yo! I finally got around to reading Hadrian's sheet. : )

• Stats: If you haven't already, I suggest taking some of Gus's comments into consideration, and moving one or two stat points to better reflect his regenerative powers.
  
• Backstory: I enjoy Hadrian's backstory, tragic backstories can be hit-or-miss in roleplays, but you've given him solid motivation for becoming a hero and getting his Blue Card - something that surprisingly few characters are working toward in-story. Maye Hadrian will be able to convince a few others to consider a life of public service?
  
• Powers: Compared to how much you wrote to describe his primary power, his secondary powers and his limitations look pretty scant. I suggest adding a few more details to them. And, if you can, maybe find another name for his power that's a bit more descriptive (but that's just a minor quibble).
  

Yo yo!


Stats: addressed above.


Backstory: Sounds like a cool idea. My general plan for Hadrian's character development is that he'll initially reckon he's just fine as is - he'll stubbornly refuse to admit he's doing anything wrong. Gradually, however, he'll mellow out, becoming a much better team player and far more reasonable, though he'll still keep his personality traits somewhat, perhaps with less of the negative sides.


Powers: Understood, will do, and will do.

 

[Gus]

[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]It’s not so much that the power itself is regeneration. It’s more allowing him not to [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]need [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]regeneration, because of his physiology.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]The stats: honestly I think health should be bigger than willpower, because it’s not his brain that keeps him going, his fighting spirit (though that helps), but his power, and how his body works. It’s also worth noting that the pain isn’t a problem, as a secondary power of his is pain nullification, though that again is also boosted by his primary power. Adrenaline is a great painkiller![/SIZE]


Yo yo!


Stats: addressed above.


Backstory: Sounds like a cool idea. My general plan for Hadrian's character development is that he'll initially reckon he's just fine as is - he'll stubbornly refuse to admit he's doing anything wrong. Gradually, however, he'll mellow out, becoming a much better team player and far more reasonable, though he'll still keep his personality traits somewhat, perhaps with less of the negative sides.


Powers: Understood, will do, and will do.

Sounds cool! Thanks for getting back to us. I like the feel of this character. Good clarifications too.


I would still suggest bringing him down to B rank, as one of the troubles this RP can suffer from is Power Creep. Extreme powers are supposed to be extremely rare. Also the 'takes a licking and keeps on ticking' approach works better as an underdog, you know?  Lastly, since we don't have a fighting system in this RP, stats don't matter for survival OR for combat. What happens in a fight is what the participants negotiate out of character.  You won't die unless you choose to write that. So don't be afraid to have slightly lower stats. They are purely descriptive, not mechanical, if that makes sense.


I would think about maybe health 4 strength 4  (comparable to captain america basically) and bump defense up to 5. That would get you under the wire for B rank. Why increase defense? Because what you describe of his PhC is his ability to take a hit and shrug it off. At 4 health he will ALSO recover quite quickly (again, as quickly as you choose to write it so, within reason) But at 5 defense, he'll have much more of an 'ain't no thing' attitude towards wounds. Not that he doesn't get hurt, but that they don't slow him down. That's still a Defense thing. 


To be honest, I do have trouble seeing him as less than B rank, but C is just barely possible, as described? Put health at 3 to reflect scarring, then drop will and agility to 2 maybe? Or keep will at 3 and drop agility to 1! That, I could see. Clumsy could be fun to write for a character like that: Oops, I got hit by a car again. Crud. Also, having bits of bone in the wrong place might reasonably make you clumsy.  


C is a good place to start I started with a C rank character. He appeared to die at the end of episode 2, but he is back now, and on a mission. He was tons of fun to write, and I am happy to be writing Luc again, especially the consequences of his brush with death. I like the idea of a C rank Tank. Keep in mind: this is a free form role play. To an extent, your character is just what you write. If you write him as a tank, then they are a tank. But the more underdog you make him, the more consequential the overcoming of obstacles, you know?


Looking forward to writing with you, J.

 

[The J]

Sounds cool! Thanks for getting back to us. I like the feel of this character. Good clarifications too.


I would still suggest bringing him down to B rank, as one of the troubles this RP can suffer from is Power Creep. Extreme powers are supposed to be extremely rare. Also the 'takes a licking and keeps on ticking' approach works better as an underdog, you know?  Lastly, since we don't have a fighting system in this RP, stats don't matter for survival OR for combat. What happens in a fight is what the participants negotiate out of character.  You won't die unless you choose to write that. So don't be afraid to have slightly lower stats. They are purely descriptive, not mechanical, if that makes sense.


I would think about maybe health 4 strength 4  (comparable to captain america basically) and bump defense up to 5. That would get you under the wire for B rank. Why increase defense? Because what you describe of his PhC is his ability to take a hit and shrug it off. At 4 health he will ALSO recover quite quickly (again, as quickly as you choose to write it so, within reason) But at 5 defense, he'll have much more of an 'ain't no thing' attitude towards wounds. Not that he doesn't get hurt, but that they don't slow him down. That's still a Defense thing. 


To be honest, I do have trouble seeing him as less than B rank, but C is just barely possible, as described? Put health at 3 to reflect scarring, then drop will and agility to 2 maybe? Or keep will at 3 and drop agility to 1! That, I could see. Clumsy could be fun to write for a character like that: Oops, I got hit by a car again. Crud. Also, having bits of bone in the wrong place might reasonably make you clumsy.  


C is a good place to start I started with a C rank character. He appeared to die at the end of episode 2, but he is back now, and on a mission. He was tons of fun to write, and I am happy to be writing Luc again, especially the consequences of his brush with death. I like the idea of a C rank Tank. Keep in mind: this is a free form role play. To an extent, your character is just what you write. If you write him as a tank, then they are a tank. But the more underdog you make him, the more consequential the overcoming of obstacles, you know?


Looking forward to writing with you, J.

That sounds fair enough. I'll do the stats as you ask for with a C rank. A clumsy, reckless tank will be amazing fun, it's a fantastic idea.


"Ugh, did I get shot again?" "HEY WHO PUT THAT CAR THERE?"

 

[Gus]

That sounds fair enough. I'll do the stats as you ask for with a C rank. A clumsy, reckless tank will be amazing fun, it's a fantastic idea.


"Ugh, did I get shot again?" "HEY WHO PUT THAT CAR THERE?"

Wheee! Fun times!

 

[The One Eyed Bandit]

Viv's done, yo. (sans spellcheckin' ;P, it's late)

 

[Teh Frixz]

As of right now, @The J, I don't think I can in good taste approve Hadrian without some development on the character side of things. While interesting, Regeneration and healing powers are astonishingly dull in a RP sort of sense. It's a very self inclusive power that doesn't lend itself to active RP and is fairly heavily overused/overdone. I mentioned the character coming off like a costco brand deadpool. But I do like the 'never as good' idea of things and I think delving into that aspect could really make the power a bit more interesting. 


Character wise though, I'll need to see some changes. I've seen I think a dozen or so Hard to kill sarcastic jokey guys and they never last more than 2-3 posts. Can we rework the personality? Maybe throw in some living family members, make him less of a loner, have some humanizing elements, maybe damage to his mind from poor brain regeneration, anything to make the concept a bit more sweet and less bland. 


Good luck! 

 

[Lioness075]

Any critiques for Piper or is she close to being accepted now? *hopeful*

 

[Gus]

Any critiques for Piper or is she close to being accepted now? *hopeful*

Discussions are positive. Not sure where the threshold is for acceptance tbh, as I am new to the committee. I will say she is near the top of the approval ratings though!

 

[The J]

As of right now, @The J, I don't think I can in good taste approve Hadrian without some development on the character side of things. While interesting, Regeneration and healing powers are astonishingly dull in a RP sort of sense. It's a very self inclusive power that doesn't lend itself to active RP and is fairly heavily overused/overdone. I mentioned the character coming off like a costco brand deadpool. But I do like the 'never as good' idea of things and I think delving into that aspect could really make the power a bit more interesting. 


Character wise though, I'll need to see some changes. I've seen I think a dozen or so Hard to kill sarcastic jokey guys and they never last more than 2-3 posts. Can we rework the personality? Maybe throw in some living family members, make him less of a loner, have some humanizing elements, maybe damage to his mind from poor brain regeneration, anything to make the concept a bit more sweet and less bland. 


Good luck! 

I've already explained that it's very different to regeneration in the usual sense. It's not that he undoes damage to himself, it's that he makes the damage not matter nearly so much, while still taking it on. You might say it's apples and oranges, but it's a meaningful difference. A regenerator will probably keep going and going, whereas it's in Ajax's best interests to use his strength to end the fight quickly, and his power can let him do so recklessly, letting him be more effective with that very strength. If the fight drags on, he'll start getting more and more hurt - his very nature means that he's not going to be particularly careful.


I never said he was sarcastic, just that he likes to joke around. He's not cynical like your classic archetype, and he's not hiding how broken he is with it like someone such as deadpool might, he's just doing it to lighten the mood. He always did it back when he was with his little brother, to keep them both going when it was hard, and the habit stuck.


I chose to make him an orphan with some thought behind the decision. It's not just a matter of convenience or something to make him easier to write for / portray. It's to make it more pertinent that he lost his brother. He had been alone before his brother, so he attached extremely strongly, and loved him dearly. It means that when he lost him, there's nothing that could have hurt him more, and his loss is the main driving force behind who he is. If he's not an orphan, then he wouldn't be so listless before he found out that his brother died. He wouldn't have been nearly so likely to have been out in danger on the streets for them to struggle on together, forming a stronger bond, or for the brother to get taken and Hadrian stabbed. Much of the making of the man wouldn't be nearly as powerful as it is as I have him now.


Brain damage might be cool though. I'll stick some of that in there in a bit.

 

[Lioness075]

Discussions are positive. Not sure where the threshold is for acceptance tbh, as I am new to the committee. I will say she is near the top of the approval ratings though!

Hype!

 

[Wixard]

Any thoughts?

 

[Gus]

Any thoughts?

First thoughts: Probably want to scale that back a bit.   Total control of advanced technology in a futuristic setting is a bit OP in principle, and furthermore, we have two robot characters, so it is tantamount to mind control which is outlawed.  Also, S class is usually for second characters or later. Starting characters are required to be students and preference given to lower ranks. Precognition also, even in a very mild form, is outlawed.


(Precog is what got my first character rejected, even though I insisted I would only use it for fiddly little stuff and no major plot things. Welian rightly rejected me on grounds of sounding like a nutball.)


Technopathy, I think is ok. @KingHink is doing a different take on the same idea. Take a look at his submission for a more 'low key' approach to that power maybe?