Character Critique Thread

[DamagedGlasses]

Good to hear Character Committee!

 

[welian]

@DeKay Make sure to add the stat totals in the sidebar!

 

[Malikai]

@KingHinkWait what happened?  Did I miss a message?

 

[Necessity4Fun]

Wait what happened?  Did I miss a message?

Your character has been approved!
HURRAY!!!

 

[welian]

@too much idea For Naran, remember that characters are limited to two supporting powers. It may be helpful to think about which of those four are actually secondary abilities in and of themselves that help her primary power work better, and which are just explanation of what her powers can do. As far as the limitations go, the only one listed that isn't a limitation of her power, is the limiter itself. That can be removed. I also think, like some of the others, that her power seems more of an energy type power than a physical strength power, but I won't make any judgement on that until the secondary powers are sorted out.


For Tomoko, since her application was posted in August and your writing has improved a lot since then, I think you should read over her profile and check if there are any revisions you'd like to make before I re-review her.


@Lazy Rocktime FINISH HIM.


@The One Eyed Bandit I'd consider renaming her power to something more like "Action Delay", which is a little more descriptive. Outside of that, I think Vivian looks fine. I'm waiting to see what the rest of the character committee thinks.


@The J Since Hadrian is an A-rank, it may be beneficial to think up one or two more imitations of his powers, just to go above and beyond in making sure he's a a balanced character. Ironically, I'd also say he has too many negative traits. I think it's just because you use two words to describe each trait, and they tend to be positive/negative pairs. Under "Other Notes" for appearance, I think it'd be a good idea to describe any permanent injuries or scarring that he already has because of his powers.


@KingHink ALSO FINISH HIM. The power looks fine though, but the IT major in me says you may want to confer with Wikipedia to create slightly more accurate technobabble for his powers.


@Lioness075 Remind me which characters you wanted me to look at first?

 

[Necessity4Fun]

@Lioness075 Remind me which characters you wanted me to look at first?

Lara and Piper, pretty sure :3

 

[D. Rex]

@welian superpower wiki is kinda.. wikipedia... 


But! I can't use techno babble because I don't understand it anymore than Salem does! 8D


@DJ MagicHat said he will tutor me.

 

[Lioness075]

@Lioness075 Remind me which characters you wanted me to look at first?

Well, Piper first. I was informed I will need to do another 5 posts with Piper before I can bring in Lara next. Piper seems to be my most popular of the two, so I shall bring her in first. ^^

 

[Gus]

@The J Since Hadrian is an A-rank, it may be beneficial to think up one or two more imitations of his powers, just to go above and beyond in making sure he's a a balanced character. Ironically, I'd also say he has too many negative traits. I think it's just because you use two words to describe each trait, and they tend to be positive/negative pairs. Under "Other Notes" for appearance, I think it'd be a good idea to describe any permanent injuries or scarring that he already has because of his powers.

Just a quick note welian. Hadrian is actually C rank now. 


He just forgot to change the total at the bottom from 24 to 18. But the stats add to 18


@The J you should change the 24 to 18 at the bottom of the stats. and change rank from A to C

 

[yoikes]

I will say to not forget to fill in the Heroism points.

Oppsies. Will do!

1 hour ago, welian said:



For Naran, remember that characters are limited to two supporting powers. It may be helpful to think about which of those four are actually secondary abilities in and of themselves that help her primary power work better, and which are just explanation of what her powers can do. As far as the limitations go, the only one listed that isn't a limitation of her power, is the limiter itself. That can be removed. I also think, like some of the others, that her power seems more of an energy type power than a physical strength power, but I won't make any judgement on that until the secondary powers are sorted out.




 






 

Alright, i'm going to review her power again \o/

1 hour ago, welian said:



For Tomoko, since her application was posted in August and your writing has improved a lot since then, I think you should read over her profile and check if there are any revisions you'd like to make before I re-review her.




 






 

Hurrah!


No, she's good !

 

[Lemon Boy]

Critique away my friends, would love to add any potential improvements to the Papercut Queen!


Also, I'm well aware that I currently lack the amount of CCP'S needed to make her, but that'll be quickly remedied by prompt creation.  


Would really love some general feedback on her, though, I want nothing short of perfect before bringing her in! 

 

[lazee]

I finished him, but my GOD DID I DO A BAD JOB AT IT. Be gentle with me.

 

[Lemon Boy]

@Lazy Rocktime


Heyo, liking the character idea. I certainly agree with Musician that her and Jennifer would make for a very cool duo. 


Only some very minor problems with it from what I can see.


Firstly, this one is more Lore nitpicking than anything but changing it would probably do some good.  "It would appear that, against all odds, he has inherited powers of ice from his father."


The wording on this is a bit off in that It's explicitly stated powers are not based on genetics. HOWEVER, a simple fix for this would be that he "Seemingly inherited the powers of ice from his father." or something along those lines so It looks more like a coincidence rather than something genetic. 


Secondly, his stats. You say he can create various constructs and even make ice that's far more tougher than the regular stuff, but I fail to see that image when he has a measly two points in his energy stat. Unless you want him to have some really weak ice constructs, I'd certainly recommended amping up the Energy stat and removing some points from the other stats. Heck, I can see him more as a higher B or lower A rank rather than a C personally. The changing of rank is more of a suggestion and personal opinion than something you actually need to do, but you definitely need to add some more points to his energy so his powers have the same "Umpf" that you describe in the description.


Other than that, love the concept and like the idea, hope he get's in!

 

[The J]

@The J Since Hadrian is an A-rank, it may be beneficial to think up one or two more imitations of his powers, just to go above and beyond in making sure he's a a balanced character. Ironically, I'd also say he has too many negative traits. I think it's just because you use two words to describe each trait, and they tend to be positive/negative pairs. Under "Other Notes" for appearance, I think it'd be a good idea to describe any permanent injuries or scarring that he already has because of his powers.

He's actually a C-rank now, after recommendation from Gus. As for the negative traits, is it alright if I keep them? I really like showing that each part of his personality has both an up- and a downside. I can add a single positive trait however, if that's alright.


I'll get those scars done.


EDIT: You know I actually have a few traits I'd like to add. Is that ok?

 

[welian]

Stick to the four most major traits and one name for each trait, but feel free to go into further detail in the trait description.

 

[The J]

Stick to the four most major traits and one name for each trait, but feel free to go into further detail in the trait description.

I've done that, anything else?

 

[Necessity4Fun]

Hey, it's me! Surprise :3
So this is a concept I've been thinking about for months, and working on for three weeks (thought most of the writing happened this week)

Somethings I might need help on:
- Vocabulary (always)
- Physics stuff (I used wikipedia and what I recalled from highschool but, IDK I might have slipped somewhere)
- I'm not sure if main power and sub power 2 should have their locations swapped... (I mean, It makes logical sense to me, but it might not to others...)
- History is huge sorry, I binge wrote it right now and it may be mixed with some stuff that should go in relationships afterwards... (I'm too lazy to do relationships at midnight >w<)


I think that's it?
Oh-Oh! I don't plan on bringing her this episode, so please prioritize other characters over her! >w<




PS: As KingHink brought to my attention, the hearts I used for the status get replaced by emoticon black hearts all the way on mobile... It's supposed to have pink in there BUT Android is dumb. Sorry about that mobile users >.<

 

[Lemon Boy]

@Necessity4Fun


She seems pretty solid and I like the concept in general.


Well balanced character right off the bat power & stat wise, interesting history without being overly snowflakey to the extreme.


Kek, get fucked potential sexual assaulter. 


Basically has my own personal approval, don't see a thing for her! 

 

[Gus]

First glance, I concur with St. St.


i will take a closer look as soon as I am able, but I have about six hours of driving today, and hoping to finally see the new starwars movie too. (Plus do some posting I did not get to do yesterday!)


I will try to have as thorough a take on her as I had for Kendrick before though, by the end of the day.

 

[The J]

- Physics stuff

1) Blasts: you say she can't be destructive with the blasts, but can push with them. As it is this makes little sense, and I think What If? Explains thus best: https://what-if.xkcd.com/87/


TLR, normal electromagnetic radiation would vaporize you into plasma before it pushes you with meaningful force. This can be solved by just saying it's a hard light blast or something though, so no biggie.


2) If she's using the light bending for invisibility, she could allow only light that goes into her pupils trough, that way she can be essentially invisible and still see.

 

[Gus]

1) Blasts: you say she can't be destructive with the blasts, but can push with them. As it is this makes little sense, and I think What If? Explains thus best: https://what-if.xkcd.com/87/


TLR, normal electromagnetic radiation would vaporize you into plasma before it pushes you with meaningful force. This can be solved by just saying it's a hard light blast or something though, so no biggie.


2) If she's using the light bending for invisibility, she could allow only light that goes into her pupils trough, that way she can be essentially invisible and still see.

Yay! A fellow physics geek!


Have you read the James Kakalios book?

 

[The J]

Yay! A fellow physics geek!


Have you read the James Kakalios book?

That's me! I love applying physics to superpowers, especially when I can calculate stuff. My favourite one I've done is probably approximating how much iron you could cover your skin with if you took all of the iron from your body. Turns out, less that a millimetre, even if you have impurities!


As for the book, nope. I don't really read nearly as much as I used to, so I've missed out somewhat on perhaps more mature literature than stuff like Ranger's Apprentice, Skulduggery Pleasant, and other Young Adult / Teenager stuff.

 

[Necessity4Fun]

1) Blasts: you say she can't be destructive with the blasts, but can push with them. As it is this makes little sense, and I think What If? Explains thus best: https://what-if.xkcd.com/87/


TLR, normal electromagnetic radiation would vaporize you into plasma before it pushes you with meaningful force. This can be solved by just saying it's a hard light blast or something though, so no biggie.

Oh okay! Thanks for that clarification~ I just uhh, I'm not sure where you're telling me to edit exactly... May I please have further directions? OWO7


That was a nice read btw =^-^=

2) If she's using the light bending for invisibility, she could allow only light that goes into her pupils trough, that way she can be essentially invisible and still see.

I get your point, but I still think I'm going to leave that the way it is, for a set of reasons:

A) It amuses me. Just think about it, someone is coming through the door, and she hides herself from sight, but can rely only on sound to pinpoint whether or not they're gone. I can see someone smart tricking her with that.



B) 'Splitting the stream' would probably require extra focus, and she's already doing a lot keeping the light from reaching the person she's hiding. Picture trying to maintain your attention in the light that's going two different directions, that sounds like a lot to keep track. Could be something to work on with training tho, pushing it farther an farther until she's able to withstand all those tasks at once.


C) Juliana doesn't understand jackshit about Physics. She barely passed in the subject at High School, probably having been approved by council once or twice. She certainly does not remember anything that she studied after the tests >w< Most likely her worst grades are from Physics...
I strong believe that if she ever got asked how rainbows are formed her reply would be something like "There's rain and then the light goes through the water and then BANG you have a rainbow", and if asked where the colors of the rainbow come from, she wouldn't know what to reply...

This got me headcannoing a commonwealth scientist trying to explain her powers mechanics to her and being met with a blank stare that says 'I don't follow... Can't you like, say it is words I can understand?". I foresee lots of frustration XD She most likely only understands very basic outlines on how her powers work. "Uh? Why do the light enters white and gets out in colors? I have no idea, but it's so cool!"



So yeah, she's your average teenager girl that engages in futilities, with a side of easily excited tourist that exclaims 'OMG' at basically everything.

Which means she's the type of person I don't get much, cause I'm not a girly girl. I'm going to have so much fun~~ OWO
(Why did I even type this much? XD)

 

[The J]

May I please have further directions?

My point is that light is so bad as pushing things, it would blow things up before it pushed a human enough for them to even notice. I recommend saying that the light blasts she produces are made of a sort of hard light, which acts as a solid in terms of shoving people, or at least imparts a lot more kinetic energy into them compared to the amount of heat energy.

 

[Necessity4Fun]

My point is that light is so bad as pushing things, it would blow things up before it pushed a human enough for them to even notice. I recommend saying that the light blasts she produces are made of a sort of hard light, which acts as a solid in terms of shoving people, or at least imparts a lot more kinetic energy into them compared to the amount of heat energy.

Ohhhhh! Okay. That makes a lot of sense >w<

Everything has been properly edited now.


Kudos to @Gus that whilst editing the vocabulary ALSO decided to input the power changes in : O
Really, SO MUCH efficiency!!!! QUQ Thank you so so much~~~