Calvin Klein and Cigarettes

He wouldn't be able to hang with Craig. Modelling is giving into the system. Calvin Klein is a brand. Brands give into the system. Brands conform. If he did hang out with Craig, he'd just end up whining at him the whole time xD I fear I prefer punk Oscar, sorry Hipster!AU :P


Which he will do. Repeatedly. Until Keegan cries/Craig pries him off of his cold dead corpse.
 
Oh god you are right. Craig's gotta model with hemp clothing then. Oh god the itch.


Either way I am imagining Oscar writing in a diary: "Dear Harold (because 'Diary' is too mainstream), my life is dull in comparison to these uncultured robots of society. Here is my daily poem: The government is a lie. It's not enough to keep asking why. I found some new vegan bacon. I can't cook but Craig can." (that rhymes.)


Aw. How sweet. Craig will just make sorry bacon.
 
Ocean butt will be the last of his worries.


And oh, that poem brought a tear to my eye - truly magnificent. Though cooking may also be mainstream, Oscar's hipster morals will be tragically compromised for the superior priority of food. The vegan thing probably wouldn't last either once he discovered that vegan bacon tastes like cardboard.


I'm just imagining the two of them trying to feed bacon to Keegan's corpse, Craig mumbling 'sorry' whilst Oscar's just muttering various condemnations to hell. Fortunately, the neighbours will have mistaken the screams for Craig's singing.
 
Next time they go to the beach ocean butt won't be missed.


Stoves are too mainstream. Cook over a fire. And that's where Craig loses it and throws the apron at Oscar to cook.


Like throwing flowers on a coffin. Except they'd only throw the vegan bacon because normal bacon is too good to waste.
 
Oscar cooking is a dangerous game to play xD I hope Craig doesn't mind a burned down apartment.


And god, the worst part about being killed by these two wouldn't, you know, be being dead, but the fact that you were killed by such losers xD
 
Oscar would set boiling water on fire and Craig would just be standing there with a fire extinguisher, putting it out whenever he set anything on fire. Sets ice cream on fire, a sandwich, an apple, all things that shouldn't randomly catch fire.


Oh god you're right. Craig would suggest they use their best buddy power rings (that he finds in cereal) to kill Keegan and Oscar over here just goes all dino punchy on him.
 
Craig would just have to say "oh hey Oscar, how about tonight you-" and the stove just ignites. I hope he understands how dangerous asking Oscar to cook with him tonight is.


I can just imagine them doing this


drunk and Craig genuinely not comprehending why the cereal rings aren't actually magical and Oscar casually calling Keegan a variety of dinosaur related insults without being able to pick one.
 
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Oh god, poor Oscar will die if Craig is not there to look after him. He just thinks it and Oscar ignites on fire.


Idk if you've seen that gif. These two boys, one in the front is acting like a dinosaur, then the one in the back opens an umbrella to look like those dinosaurs with the neck thing. I really picture them doing that when drunk.


 
I googled: "Dinosaur umbrella gif" and found it.


http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Umbrella_a5b15a_1649705.gif
 
Yeah, Oscar would have to live on takeout if Craig wasn't there, and even that would start smoking ominously when he thought about reheating it or something xD


o___o that is exactly the kind of dumb stunt they'd pull xD Craig could film it on his phone and his model friends just wouldn't get why it was so awesome, or why they're both so prone to referencing bloody dinosaurs =w=
 
Craig would leave him sticky notes everywhere. Directions for how to use things. Though the oven/stove sticky note will just say: "Don't even try. <3 Craig."


Oh god, I was thinking about putting Craig with a nice guy. A decently normal guy, then he drives the poor guy crazy with his awful singing, his dino references, that video.
 
Craig would probably return to Oscar with more sticky notes on than off him, clingfilm stuck around a limb and half his head, and probably one less finger than he started with, vaguely passed out on the floor from the blood. It's a miracle he didn't manage to kill himself with that peeler tbh.


=w= poor, confused nice guy, having to put up with these two shitheads. They'e both too weird to live, but too rare to die :P
 
And he'd be on fire. Oh goodness, Craig strives on keeping Oscar alive. That's his lively hood. So young, but has to take care of a hard core man baby.


Craig will try to make him into another Oscar.


"We are going out to a fancy dinner no we cannot wear the super cereal rings."


"But... but what if we must fight off the dinosaurs."


Gosh darn it Craig, this is why no one will date you.
 
Sorry, I had to run to get the skewl bus xD


And Oscar tries to insist that he's fine without Craig, and that he should go out and find his 'the nicest guy' as he casually continues to burn away.


It's not even that these two are perfect for each other any more. It's because literally no one else on the planet could put up with their shit for long xD If even Craig's godlike looks can't keep a man tied down though, imagine how poor Oscar fares >w<


It has now become important to me that at some point in time Craig and Oscar go out to a fancy-as-fuck restaurant wearing cereal rings and probably a dinosaur T-shirt on Oscar's behalf.
 
Ooh, I kissed the grass the moment I graduated high school. Don't gotta ride that shit no more heeeell yeess.


That's pretty much it. They are undateable. Craig gets so many offers, but a few weeks in he tries to get them to wear the cereal buddies ring and they leave. The good ones tolerate it for a few more weeks before breaking.


I think while they are at the diner, Craig will have the most stereotypical romantic meeting ever. Bump into each other, both say sorry at the same time, laugh it off, say sorry again, then the other guys helps Craig up.


Oh god they go on a movie dinner date. The opening premier of that new Disney Jurassic Park. They go into a five star restaurant still wearing the 3D glasses, in their dinoshirts and matching cereal rings. Of course Craig is Ranger Rice Chex tho.
 
I'm free in seven months, by which point I will be too busy punching the air to kiss the ground, but it's a nice idea xD Consider me jealous though :P


Poor baby Craig. Probably Oscar's fault for cruelly forcing him to watch so much shit tv and films >w< And oh lordy, Oscar's just going to end up sat there watching the god damn romantic comedy he always knew Craig was in unfurl, and struggling between being happy for his adorable friend and feeling protective as hell because the last guy was bloody Keegan. And not jealous at all.


And Craig somehow still manages to look attractive as hell, so the matredee begrudgingly lets them in because Craig's ass is a commodity he wouldn't pass up on. Also Ranger Rice Chex. Who wouldn't want them in their five star restaurant?
 
Be strong. Carry on. College (if you plan to go) is no better. Well it's slightly better. If there is a dining hall on campus you just eat pizza until you cry and go to the clinic on campus after a week of being there because that's all you ate. I see those memories like war flash backs.


Oscar just screams no homo the whole time. But he'll be so sad when Craig isn't there to cuddle him anymore, or watch dino videos with him. Oh god so sad, Oscar asks him to play a dino video game and Craig is just like: "Pfft no bitch, bae is coming ovr."


Everyone will be jealous of Oscar, shocked that he got the boy with the booty while everyone else got second rate booty.
 
Thanks for the pep talk xD Glad it doesn't involve... well, certainswords we shall refrain from using in case the cops come after us again this time =w= and yeah, for some dumb reason I wanna go. But if there's pizza, it's not looking so dumb after all. You fought for your country good out there solider. Now the pizza cones call you on.


Cuddle buddy deprivation will lead to symptoms such as substituting Craig for a pillow, talking to the tv screen as he has to play single-player, which is never as fun, and binge-eating crap and being sad because god dammit at least Craig eating it too made him feel less guilty. Bae will probably be frightened off by the mysterious energies emanating from the sofa as Oscar mopes.


Going out with Craig clearly has it perks, booty jealousy and fancy restaurant entrance being the least of it >w<
 
College. The best/worst years of ya life. You get to be a kid for 2-5 more years! While getting into crippling debt and sorrow. I'm sure Oscar is loving school. xD


Omg if I make new bae vegetarian, Craig will latch on to the no meat thing and Oscar won't get bacon. I'm doing that. I think it would be best if Craig has almost no shame around Oscar and just overly super cuddles with new bae on the couch next to him. Oscar is just there, emitting bad juju and Craig is just all squealy happy with bae.


He'll be best bae. Oscar will just get a huge present of dollar bin shitty movies they can watch and pizza cones. I think I'll make Craig a huge Christmas fanatic. Decorating, ice skating, drags Oscar out to do all that fun holiday stuff. Making candies, but not letting him do anything, singing Christmas music, MAKING HIM WEAR MATCHING LIGHT UP REINDEER SWEATERS.
 
Crippling debt and sorrow! YAAAAAAAAAAY! You sure know how to sell it :P And I'm sure Oscar will appreciate trying to pay it all off with his shitty career options >w<


Torn between deciding that the new bae is a lovely person, who devil spawn because who the fuck dares take away bacon. New bae will be playing a dangerous game, coming between Oscar and bacon is... unwise. Hopefully Craig and Bae will notice they are awakening Oscar's inner demon :P And then Oscar will get cravings and try to cook bacon on his own and Bae will have to be made aware that you do not let Oscar cook under any circumstances.


Nothing says punk rock like fairylights woven into knitted wool over your chest. And then Oscar will try to resist the festive cheer, because that shit ain't punk rock either, but end up getting dragged into it head first by Craig and end up being sad when he can't wear his lameass light up sweater anymore when the festive season ends.


p.s. Craig's 'Oscar's straight, he won't care lol, right?" or whatever closing is so evil xD Dammit man, let him have his bisexual panic in confused chaotic peace :P
 
I will be a terrible alumni one day. xD


Craig will be so smiley and happy in public but whispering to Oscar: "You put those god damn antlers on or so help me god I will stable them to your head." Smile smile happy cutie Craig. So cute when he catches his little Oscar the Grouch under the mistle toe. "Craig no, this is not hardcore. I'm punk rock. I swear."


I found a picture of Oscar: http://thefeaturedcreature.thefeaturedcreat.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/No-stop-touching-me-I-am-the-night.jpg


I am trying to harden his soft soul. So I will definitely give him more thoughts like that. Maybe to the point where they fight about it? I figured if I gave him these thoughts now, one day they will slip out and fight fight fight fight but wait, it's a confession!
 
Hopefully they'll never hire you to recruit new students or anything :P Though you'd have Oscar's vote by now -w-


At which point Oscar will pretend to act all tough and begrudging whilst genuinely fearing for his life, especially since Craig knows how to wield a knife (and a staple gun) a hell of a lot better than him.


And hey. It's not gay if the mistletoe commands you, right?


NO HOMO.


That picture is too cute and too accurate for me to handle. My family thinks I've gone mad due to evil cackling. Dammit Craig, do you want Oscar to have to convert to being a hipster?!?! Do you want to wear hemp clothing!?!?


This fight fight fight oh wait it's a confession! thing sounds adorable, and unfortunately a whole lot like a thing that would happen with these two :P They can't even do their own epic romance the standard way -w-


Also adorable waiter is adorable. Though probably secretly evil, right? Right? Oscar has good reasons to be guarded, RIGHT? I feel like Oscar's bi panic is going to be way too prominent soon -w-
 
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Oh totally no homo. It's what the mistletoe commands. Craig will just put one in every single doorway and have one on a stick and string. Maximize the number of kisses he can get.


Well with those retro Christmas sweaters he will totally be very hipster. Oh god, waiter is going to be a super hipster. Just. You. Wait.


I don't know how I'm going to have them break up. Maybe he'll be so perfect and so wonderful, that it looks like he has no flaws at first. Maybe he has a problem with Oscar being there and invites Craig to live with him but Craig says no?
 
Oh woe is Oscar! He'll be do disappointed he has to kiss Craig every time he goes through a door. The fact that he keeps going into different rooms an unusually large amount means nothing I tell you.


The Super Hipster has been found. All Hail the Super Hipster. xD I look forward to witnessing his true hipsterness. Hopefully it will discourage Oscar & Craig from defecting :P


Aww, at which point Oscar would feel like Craig was only staying because it is a legitimate possibility that he'd die without him, so he gets all 'you should totally go, I'll be fine' whilst you know, internally mumbling 'pleasedon'tleavemeIthinkI'minlovewithyouhelp'. xD
 
Oh man. It seems like Oscar will need the mistletoe stick then. Then Craig will just be the ass that follows it as if it were a carrot.


I think for a while I'll have Craig follow in his hipster foot steps.


Omg he moves in with hipster for like, five hours and comes back because he forgot something and Oscar is just in the middle of the floor crying and there is burnt bacon everywhere. From that point forward he knows that he can't leave Oscar. <3


I think we should give Oscar a stalker.


 
Sorry it's a bit short compared to my previous posts.


I think testing Oscar's gayness might be fun.
 
I could definitely imagine Craig having a hipster phase. Oscar will just take the absolute piss though, given that he works for a branded underwear company. He'll just go round demanding of Craig if he's brought down the Capitalist Tyranny yet, and if his butt feels good in that hemp underwear we all know he has to wear :P


Keegan


That was a joke, I promise xD And Oscar just wouldn't get that he was being stalked. He just doesn't see how he could be stalk-worthy material. He'd probably assume they were stalking Craig and end up confronting them about trying to hurt/creep out his wicked cool bestie :P


It was adorable and holy flippidy shit- Oscar in a gay bar. I didn't know I needed this until now.

139448_600.gif

I'm very down indeed with testing Oscar's gayness. Anything to push the bisexual panic into overload -w-
 
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