Fantasy Beyond the Third Sky

[DergTheDergon]

oops, I just realized @VioletShadow posted again xD . No notif, just looked at the tab to reread some stuff and rate some stuff and bam, new post. Thx rpn. I will still wait however ^-^

 

[Scrapmaster]

i'm sorry! i did totally read it, i just forgot to tell you what i thought. i think my internet was dying at the time, haha.
but yeah! i did really like it. i found it incredibly interesting - it used a lot of the aspects i liked about mythology to make it compelling. i especially liked the lore about the era of the gods. that idea in particular was really cool. what did you want critiqued about it?

Possibly any plot holes that might confuse you. My writting is not exactly stellar.


That and the feel of the stories. Did they feel interesting? Did they not? Those types of critiques.


I had an epiphany where I got the idea of writting lore for my characters would help me improve my english and general writting.


Any feedback is appreciated guys.

 

[MsPolite]

Where finally done, I hope I did the miss anything and I hope yall like it

 

[Scrapmaster]

Uhhh @MsPolite


Tolan literally german supplexed the commander angel(thr one with the red name and speeh color).


You kinda ignored that fact...; _ ;


Costos the commander I think.

 

[MsPolite]

Uhhh @MsPolite
Tolan literally german supplexed the commander angel(thr one with the red name and speeh color).


You kinda ignored that fact...

Supexed?

 

[MsPolite]

Uhhh @MsPolite
Tolan literally german supplexed the commander angel(thr one with the red name and speeh color).


You kinda ignored that fact...

Oh crappie totally forgot x ( sorry Ima go and change it

 

[MsPolite]

@Scrapmaster I fixed it. Happy? =)

 

[MsPolite]

@Scrapmaster hello?

 

[Scrapmaster]

I am now thx

 

[Rustic]

sorry for the wait, @Jofune Tsurabisu! i'm not sure how it happened, but i've been surprisingly busy this week, and i wasn't home until now to make this. (and i managed to post in character sign-ups - i finally felt your pain, derg. ;- by the way, @NeverBetter, is there anything we need to know regarding changes to the town before i post next?

 

[VioletShadow]

@MsPolite Which angel was the one that gave Nio a death stare? And are the angels seriously going to leave without explaining anything? They didn't even get to achieve what they wanted, what was the whole point of the conflict and pain?


I'm confused by this casual ending...

 

[NeverBetter]

sorry for the wait, @Jofune Tsurabisu! i'm not sure how it happened, but i've been surprisingly busy this week, and i wasn't home until now to make this. (and i managed to post in character sign-ups - i finally felt your pain, derg. ;- by the way, @NeverBetter, is there anything we need to know regarding changes to the town before i post next?

Not at the immediate time, other than the fact that the farmer who owned a bunch of Muro's kind and the kind themselves were destroyed as well, of course.

 

[MsPolite]

@MsPolite Which angel was the one that gave Nio a death stare? And are the angels seriously going to leave without explaining anything? They didn't even get to achieve what they wanted, what was the whole point of the conflict and pain?
I'm confused by this casual ending...

They left because there's nothing to be said. You know when you fight with a friend or something you know and it gets more and more intense till you think it might come to blows. Sometimes you just gotta leave. One angel is down they others need to help Consilium. They achieved what they wanted. Plus Xenith knows, and that's all that matters. Oh and Belluam gave the death stare. Also remember they are just as confused as everyone. So far everyone has pretty much acted on impulse and urges because that's all they have. They don't javelin alloy memories to think back on alloyed deal with.

 

[Rustic]

Not at the immediate time, other than the fact that the farmer who owned a bunch of Muro's kind and the kind themselves were destroyed as well, of course.

oh, okay! was just making sure, because my next post will put us in the town proper, probably. is the inn and stuff still there? or, what is still accessible?

 

[MsPolite]

oh, okay! was just making sure, because my next post will put us in the town proper, probably. is the inn and stuff still there? or, what is still accessible?

Oh if you can make a comment about three angels (one being carried) going into the town. Just like an observation that will be much appreciated

 

[Scrapmaster]

Hanz's human appearance looks like this, for reference.

Spoiler

Anyone can spare some blood for Tolan? xD

 

[MsPolite]

Hanz's human appearance looks like this, for reference.

Spoiler

Anyone can spare some blood for Tolan? xD

Bro, the healing, please no. I know he is trying to help but


1. The frost was already melted,


2. Novice healing can not Healy damaged wings. Wings are delicate and easily hurt.


3. The if it could be healed easily by novice healing Belluam or Caedes would have done so.

 

[MsPolite]

@Scrapmaster oh and Caedes or Costos would have pushed hanz away.

 

[Scrapmaster]

he said he'd try to help, but alright.


Christ can't reason with angels...

Spoiler

Tolan: dude they won't even explain why they did what they did, the leader deserve to have her wings fucked.


Me: alright now that's unkind.


Tolan: THEY ATTACKED AND LEFT?! They acted just like internet trolls!


Me: maybe they had a reason.


Tolan: One which they don't want to explain to make things...you know...BETTER?!


Me: They'l do it when they think they should


Tolan: Fucking A man.

 

[Scrapmaster]

There, edited.


Sorry for trying to help

 

[MsPolite]

There, edited.
Sorry for trying to help

Bro it's coo. Remember we are making a story and we need to distance ourselves from our characters. I personally would have loved the help but would my angels? They are upset, tired and see everyone as an enemy right now

 

[DergTheDergon]

@VioletShadow you going to post? Or are you waiting for NB as well?


Btw morning everyone it's 1 pm here but I'm just now awake enough to function xD . I friggin love Saturdays, and Sundays too of course.

 

[VioletShadow]

@VioletShadow you going to post? Or are you waiting for NB as well?
Btw morning everyone it's 1 pm here but I'm just now awake enough to function xD . I friggin love Saturdays, and Sundays too of course.

I was just finishing Nio's post, when you posted this xD


It's annoying how I only have enough time to do one character's, this has happened multiple times now. It's so INFURIATING!

 

[DergTheDergon]

I was just finishing Nio's post, when you posted this xD
It's annoying how I only have enough time to do one character's, this has happened multiple times now. It's so INFURIATING!

Ah, I was about to ask why you didn't post as Xenith but, mystery solved. I shall be patient. I've decided to hold off on making my other character for similar reasons, I pretty much know that the moment they're accepted I'll be trying to introduce them and include them in every one of my posts, which was hard enough for Xai'Kah but this character will be an all new race and have a lot more to thier character than he did tbh. I feel like it'd be easier to manage after all this angel businesses plus Jah'Ri and Xenith's moment is over, at least.

 

[DergTheDergon]

@VioletShadow btw I can definitely sympathize with Nio, hell just like he pointed out Jah'Ri was being rather selfish. I'm honestly kinda dreading the seemingly inevitable fight between the two now.