Sherwood

Sherwood

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  • Sherwood
    A man and a young boy are walking along in the woods. The boy says, "Hey mister, its getting dark and I'm scared."
    The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
    Epiphany
    Epiphany
    Probably not a record for "Turn from funny to creepy" but it's probably close to a record...

    😬
    Sherwood
    Do you know what the difference is between a cat and a coma?

    The cat has claws at the end of his paws, and the coma is a pause at the end of a clause! Ha!
    Sherwood
    The fact that Hooters hasn't started a home delivery service called Knockers is a lost business opportunity.
    Sherwood
    I think we should start calling the Coronavirus the Cornholiovirus, since everyone is panicking about getting TP for their bungholes.
    Sherwood
    Fun studying tip for the upcoming school year: If you are a procrastinator, play Tom Jones' "What's New, Pussycat?" on repeat while writing your papers and do not turn it off until you are finished. It will help to motivate you to finish as quickly as possible.

    Expert level: Toss in the occasional "Its Not Unusual" every now and then.
    Sherwood
    Even if you don't like Halloween, you have to appreciate its position as the sole thing keeping Christmas from creeping ever earlier in the year like a cancerous growth. Thanksgiving tried, but was overwhelmed.

    The Goth kids have got to hold the line.
    Sherwood
    If 666 is evil, then 25.806975801127 is the root of all evil.
    LegoLad659
    LegoLad659
    And we all know money is also the root of all evil.

    Money = 25

    So I'm going to be rich in about three years
    Sherwood
    Me, to a friend during a sleepover: Wakie wakie, eggs and bakey!
    Friend: But I'm a Vegan.
    Me: Wakie wakie, vegetables and sadness.
    Sherwood
    Friend: What gives you butterflies, every single time, no matter how many times you do it?
    Me: Buying caterpillars.
    Sherwood
    Me, talking to my friend: Come on, lets get going.
    Friend: Where are we going?
    Me: Werewolf hunting.
    Fiend: Woooooo!
    Me, squinting my eyes: What the hell did you just say?
    Sherwood
    Nunchucks are illegal in some states, but not guns. I have a solution to that. Tie two guns together, and now you have gunchucks, and those are legal.

    You are welcome.
    Sherwood
    We need to stop giving serial killers cool names like "The Night Stalker" or "The Green River Killer". Lets remove the mystique. Make it sound less appealing. Call them stuff like "The Micropenis Maniac" and "Bobby the Dipshit Stupid Head Killer".
    Sherwood
    Introverts are like a slow website. It may be the coolest site, but people usually don't want to wait for it to open up.
    Sherwood
    Friend: You are now trapped in a fallout shelter with the last five people on Earth. What is the absolute worst thing to say to start a conversation?
    Me: So, how is your day going? Family doing well?
    Sherwood
    Can we please raise the IQ level of the lifeguards at the water park? I'm sorry, but I don't trust a 19 year old, 110 pound blonde named Mackenzie with the brains of a chicken mcnugget to save my life if something goes wrong.
    Sherwood
    Friend: I wonder, if all the US presidents were locked in a room together for 24 hours, what would happen?
    Me: The living ones would stare in horror at the dead ones.
    Sherwood
    DM: You triggered a trap. Roll a Dex Save.
    Me: A four, so I blew it. What happens?
    DM: Roll 3d6.
    Me: A seven.
    DM: Roll again.
    Me, wincing: fourteen?
    DM: Oooh. Ok, roll again.
    Me, picking up the dice and freezes: Wait, I'm rolling up a new character, aren't I?
    Sherwood
    If you think about it, DnD Mimics of today would be Amazon Prime boxes lurking on people's doorsteps.
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