What did the therapist say to the unicorn?
You need to believe in yourself.
You need to believe in yourself.
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I bought a pair of shoes from the local drug dealer. I don't know how he laced them up, but I've been tripping all day.
Over the past year, I have found that my fetishes have been getting more perverse. But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized that I had hit rock bottom.
I went into a pet store and asked to buy twelve bees. The store manager counted out thirteen and handed them to me. I said that it was one too many, and he told me it was a freebee.
The other day, I was washing my car with my friend. Finally, he says, "Can't you just use a sponge like a regular person?"
I once ate a frozen apple. It was totally hard core.
If towels could tell jokes, they would probably have a very dry sense of humor.
I went out today and bought a boat, because it was for sail.
In the Soviet Union, can you buy coffee at Tsarbucks?
There are three main symptoms of laziness:
1:
What do Olympic runners eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a four leaf clover?
Cluck of the Irish!
Do you know why chicken coops have only two doors?
Because if they had four doors, they'd be a chicken sedan!
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
Do you know what rock group has four men that don't sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What washes up on tiny beaches?
Microwaves.
When a centaur goes to get a prostate exam, do they see a doctor or a vet?
It's your birthday?
Oh, shoot, umm...
Birthday related pun.
Best birthday wishes to you, sir.
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday!!
Heyo! Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday!
I once farted on an elevator.
It was wrong on so many levels.
There are so many different scams on the internet now days.
If you send me $19.95, I can tell you how to avoid them.
If spiders were the size of cats, would that be less scary or more scary? On one hand, it would be much harder for one to get into your house. But on the other hand, when they do get in, it is a serious case of 'oh, shit!'. -
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