What washes up on tiny beaches?
Microwaves.
Microwaves.
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When a centaur goes to get a prostate exam, do they see a doctor or a vet?
It's your birthday?
Oh, shoot, umm...
Birthday related pun.
Best birthday wishes to you, sir.
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday!!
Heyo! Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday!
I once farted on an elevator.
It was wrong on so many levels.
There are so many different scams on the internet now days.
If you send me $19.95, I can tell you how to avoid them.
If spiders were the size of cats, would that be less scary or more scary? On one hand, it would be much harder for one to get into your house. But on the other hand, when they do get in, it is a serious case of 'oh, shit!'.
Do you know what you call it when two different kinds of pie get smooshed together?
A Venn Pie-agram!
How Frozen should have ended:
"Hello, Elsa, my name is Charles Xavier."
This is the first year that I am not going to be taking my vacation to Fiji due to the Coronavirus.
Usually I don't go because I'm poor.
I'm starting to think that the phrase "Hindsight is 2020" was actually a message from a future time traveler trying to give us a warning.
Do you remember Gollum from the Lord of the Rings series? His favorite kind of bird turns out to be a Smea-Gull! Ha!
Me: I'm addicted to buying old Beatles albums.
Friend: Sounds like you need help.
Me: No, I have that one already.
When the Lego stores reopened, it was a real big deal. People were lined up for blocks.
While I was out and about, I dumped a whole bag of M&Ms into my mask and I was eating them like a horse.
There are good things about this pandemic after all.
If you are really ugly but have pretty eyes, this is your time to shine.
Whatever the opposite of "I have my shit together" is, I'm that.
If there is one important thing that I have learned during the Covid-19 scare is that Bigfoot's real name is Daryl.
Back before I married my wife, I had to ask her how I could possibly trust her when she runs away every time I untie her?
Why is it that there are 500 shopping carts at the store and I keep picking the one with a wobbly front wheel that sounds like a squealing pig being roasted alive?
Good news! The end of the quarantine has just been announced!
Octembuary 54th!
Save the date for a giant block party!
I'm not saying that its hot outside, but two hobbits just threw a ring in my back yard. -
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