What kind of math is a tree's favorite?
Twigonomitry and Square Roots! Ha!
Twigonomitry and Square Roots! Ha!
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If there is a 'Heavens No!' and 'Hell Yes!', why not a 'Purgatory Maybe?'
I don't want to make anyone jealous, but I just found out that I can still fit into the scarf I wore back in high school.
I ran into a cable repairman on the street yesterday. He asked me what time it was, and I said, "Between eight am and one pm."
I once saw a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.
Did you hear about the cat that drank five bowls of water really fast?
He set a new lap record.
I finally finished writing my new book on penguins.
My publisher said it would have been better if I had written it on paper.
An interesting fact is that while some giraffes can grow up to eighteen feet, most only have four.
I was watching an Australian cooking show and the audience applauded when the chef made meringue.
I was rather surprised; I thought that Australians boo meringue.
A lot of my friends have such huge bucket lists. Mine just seems to pail by comparison.
Whomever said, "Out of sight, out of mind," never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
The other day, I yelled into a colander and strained my voice.
"Exclusive "Flying In A Blue Dream" Studio Footage for Anniversary"
Hey, bud! I don't know if you've ever seen this, but you're the biggest Satriani fan I know so here you go! =)
Double negatives are a real no-no in English.
You always hear stories of people spiraling out of control. Does anyone ever spiral into control instead?
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but no one got it.
How did the crew on Noah's Arc see in the dark?
They used flood lights.
If you think about it, a kangaroo is just the T-Rex version of a deer.
What do vegetarian vampires eat? Blood oranges!
It turns out that the answer to my problems was not at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.
Sending out a salute to all those veterans that have stepped forward to serve their country on this Veterans Day, no matter what branch you were in or how long you served. Thank you for your service!
I wonder what people that type 'u' and 'r' instead of 'you' and 'are' do with all that extra free time.
You know you are old when you clean to the music you used to get drunk to.
Does anyone know the proper ratio of gunpowder to essential oils? I want this bath bomb to be perfect.
Hey! No pun this time - if all goes well, there's going to be a game called Robin Hood - Sherwood Builders!
So, so... we... get to build... Sherwoods?! Woo! Watch out world! 8D
I can't be the only one who wants to build his very own Sherwood! -
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