Sherwood

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

I love how when you go up to a dog and push it over onto its back, their eyes light up as they think, "Oh, wow! Belly rubs!"

Push over a cat and try to scratch the belly and you might just activate the murder button and get the living crap chewed and clawed out of your hand. Be warned.

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

If you ever get in a fight with your significant other, the two of you should breathe in the helium from a balloon and continue to argue. Whomever laughs first loses the argument.

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

Do you know the difference between a cat and a comma?

One is a pause in the middle of a clause, and the other has claws at the end of its paws! Ha!

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

Blood is thicker than water, but syrup is thicker than blood. This means that pancakes are more important than family.

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

Is it weird that people will run from the rain but will soak for a long time in the bathtub?

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

If you think about it, the process of singing a birthday song and cutting a cake is extremely Satanic.

Consider this:

A small crowd of people are huddled around a small object on fire, chanting rhythmically a repetitive song in unison until the fire is blown out and a knife is stabbed into the object in order to have the object cut up and the crowd consume it.

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

Anyone familiar with Greek mythology?

I think that Zeus got a lot more open-minded after having Athena.

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

What kind of math is a tree's favorite?

Twigonomitry and Square Roots! Ha!

Sherwood · Dec 24, 2021

If there is a 'Heavens No!' and 'Hell Yes!', why not a 'Purgatory Maybe?'

Sherwood · Dec 19, 2021

I don't want to make anyone jealous, but I just found out that I can still fit into the scarf I wore back in high school.

Sherwood · Dec 19, 2021

I ran into a cable repairman on the street yesterday. He asked me what time it was, and I said, "Between eight am and one pm."

Sherwood · Dec 18, 2021

I once saw a theatrical performance about puns.

It was a play on words.

Sherwood · Dec 18, 2021

Did you hear about the cat that drank five bowls of water really fast?

He set a new lap record.

Sherwood · Dec 18, 2021

I finally finished writing my new book on penguins.

My publisher said it would have been better if I had written it on paper.

Sherwood · Dec 18, 2021

An interesting fact is that while some giraffes can grow up to eighteen feet, most only have four.

Sherwood · Dec 18, 2021

I was watching an Australian cooking show and the audience applauded when the chef made meringue.

I was rather surprised; I thought that Australians boo meringue.

Sherwood · Dec 10, 2021

A lot of my friends have such huge bucket lists. Mine just seems to pail by comparison.

Sherwood · Dec 10, 2021

Whomever said, "Out of sight, out of mind," never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Sherwood · Dec 10, 2021

The other day, I yelled into a colander and strained my voice.

Purr · Nov 23, 2021

"Exclusive "Flying In A Blue Dream" Studio Footage for Anniversary"

Hey, bud! I don't know if you've ever seen this, but you're the biggest Satriani fan I know so here you go! =)