Sherwood

I was watching an episode of the tv show Body Cam, where they show videos off of police body cams (thus the name) made during arrests and other intense situations. On this particular episode, one of the officers was a K-9 handler and had ordered his German Sheppard to attack a suspect. The bad guy shot the dog in the head, and I broke down in tears hearing the poor puppers crying out in pain. Lucky for the dog, he lives even with his eye being shot out, and is now a pampered house dog.

It was terrible to hear the crying dog. It really made me cry as I was sitting there, hoping that the poor pup was going to be ok.

What does it say about me that when I see videos of criminals or police being shot it doesn't bother me that much, but the blurred-out images of the dog getting hurt made me tear up?

Check out this one Kaerri found! =)

"How much does a roof cost?

Nothing - it's on the house"

Hey bud! Guess what?

My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

8D

Got another one for you, bud! This one really made me laugh!

My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Hey bud!

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

8D

If you were a spider, how would you wear your socks?

1. All eight feet matching,
2. Pairs with the opposite foot,
3. Total sock anarchy,

4. Or something completely different?

From Ubu:

Ah hem. The first poem is entitled, "Ode To A Field Of Daisies."

A field of daisies

On a sunny day

Reminds me

You have to take what you want

The world owes you nothing

Take

Take

Take

Thank you.

Aren't you going to clap?

(after) That wasn't much better.

This next one is called, "The Soul of a Poet."

The dying begins when you are born

They try to hurt you right away

with insults and cigarette burns

They will tear you down if you build yourself up

They will rip you your asshole if you get out of line

All of everything and everybody is against you

That is what living is

And dying is giving up

But we have no choice

You start dying as soon as you're born

I like the taste of honey

Thank you.

(after lack of applause.)

Is that it? I don't know if you even deserve another poem. But I'm feeling generous.

This one is called, "I hate you, Mommy."

I just adore the springtime

I love a good Cuban cigar

Sunlight is my favorite kind of light

Have you ever seen a butterfly

Come out of its cocoon?

Or a moth for that matter flitting around a light?

Or a sunset over a stark white beach

I hate you Mommy.

Thank you.

I bought a wig today for just one dollar.

It was a small price toupee.

I wanted to share that yesterday my wife and I celebrated our 26th anniversary! Miracles do happen. Proof is that Mrs. Sherwood has put up with my annoying self for all of these years. Love ya, babe!

A winter poem:

Shit, its cold.

The end.

Food for thought: Are mashed potatoes just Irish guacamole?

Your background is not very kid friendly. I like it

No one knows for sure what started the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral, but Quasimoto has a hunch.

What do you call a retired miner?

Doug.

I was going to cook alligator for dinner, but then I realized that I only have a croc pot.

What has fifteen actors, four settings, two writers and one plotline?

652 Hallmark Christmas specials.

I love how when you go up to a dog and push it over onto its back, their eyes light up as they think, "Oh, wow! Belly rubs!"

Push over a cat and try to scratch the belly and you might just activate the murder button and get the living crap chewed and clawed out of your hand. Be warned.

If you ever get in a fight with your significant other, the two of you should breathe in the helium from a balloon and continue to argue. Whomever laughs first loses the argument.

Do you know the difference between a cat and a comma?

One is a pause in the middle of a clause, and the other has claws at the end of its paws! Ha!

Blood is thicker than water, but syrup is thicker than blood. This means that pancakes are more important than family.

Is it weird that people will run from the rain but will soak for a long time in the bathtub?

If you think about it, the process of singing a birthday song and cutting a cake is extremely Satanic.

Consider this:

A small crowd of people are huddled around a small object on fire, chanting rhythmically a repetitive song in unison until the fire is blown out and a knife is stabbed into the object in order to have the object cut up and the crowd consume it.

Anyone familiar with Greek mythology?

I think that Zeus got a lot more open-minded after having Athena.