I once built a model of Mt. Everest. My wife asked me if it was to scale. I said, "No, its to look at."
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Do you know how Viking ships would communicate with one another?
Norse Code.
What did the doctor say to the gingerbread man?
"Sore knee? I suggest you try icing it."
Do you know why ringwraiths don't like being called 'nazgul?'
Because it's so wraithist!
I want to combine alphabet soup and a laxative. I'll call it 'letter rip'.
If Ani is short for Anakin, what is Luke short for?
A stormtrooper.
Someone here in the city has been stealing t-shirts according to size.
Apparently, he's still at large.
I have some trained racing geese for sale.
If anyone wants to take a quick gander.
If you love someone, set them free.
If you hate someone, set them free.
Basically, set everyone free and get a cat. People are stupid.
If you are afraid of Santa, does that make you Claus-trophobic?
A lot of people thought that Frankenstein's Monster had a bad temper, but in reality, he was surprisingly level headed.
If I ever have twin daughters, I'll name the first one Kate.
And the second one Duplikate.
Here's a fun fact: When a short person waves at you, its called a microwave.
When two chickens talk to one another, do they use fowl language?
I was asked what the most illegal thing you can do with 1.00 U.S.
I said get 100 pennies, put them in a sock, and beat someone to death with it.
I want to know, why it is that my clothes only get stuck on the door handle when I'm in a bad mood?
It is fairly easy to keep a woman from eating a Tide Pod, but it is hard to deter gents.
I made some clown shoes today.
It was no small feet.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel in his hat.
The bartender asks, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Arr! I've got a bounty on me head!"
97% of people are stupid.
Thank God I'm in the other 5%.
You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying, "I just find it funny how..."
Because there is a 99.9% chance that she does not find it funny.
I wonder if the receptionist at the sperm bank has ever used the phrase, "Thanks for coming."
What is it called when someone from Apple gets fired?
Apple Turnover!
What's the best part of a waffle? The 'W'. Without it, the rest is just awful.
Y'know, its been months since I bought the book 'How to Scam People on Line', but I still haven't gotten it yet! -
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