Sherwood

Sherwood · Aug 26, 2021

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel in his hat.

The bartender asks, "Hey pirate, what's with the paper towel?"

The pirate says, "Arr! I've got a bounty on me head!"

Sherwood · Aug 26, 2021

97% of people are stupid.

Thank God I'm in the other 5%.

Sherwood · Aug 26, 2021

You know a girl is mad when she starts off her sentence saying, "I just find it funny how..."

Because there is a 99.9% chance that she does not find it funny.

Sherwood · Aug 26, 2021

I wonder if the receptionist at the sperm bank has ever used the phrase, "Thanks for coming."

Sherwood · Aug 25, 2021

What is it called when someone from Apple gets fired?

Apple Turnover!

Sherwood · Aug 25, 2021

What's the best part of a waffle? The 'W'. Without it, the rest is just awful.

Sherwood · Aug 25, 2021

Y'know, its been months since I bought the book 'How to Scam People on Line', but I still haven't gotten it yet!

Sherwood · Aug 25, 2021

To the man on crutches that stole my camouflage jacket: You can hide, but you can't run.

shawn clown · Aug 20, 2021

nice background

Sherwood · Aug 16, 2021

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a guitar?

A bird that makes music when you pluck it!

Sherwood · Aug 16, 2021

When a cougar loses her hearing and needs a hearing aid, she becomes a Def Leopard.

Sherwood · Aug 16, 2021

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. Suddenly, one spots a tree that is draped in bacon. He says, "Look! A bacon tree! We're saved!" He runs up to it and is shot multiple times.

It turns out that it wasn't a bacon tree: it was a ham bush.

Sherwood · Aug 14, 2021

I stopped by a roadside stand that had a sign saying 'Lobster Tales $2'. I paid my two dollars, and the man behind the counter said, "Well, once upon a time, there was this lobster . . . "