'I’m sorry' and 'I apologise' mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
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Never trust stairs. They're always up to something.
My friend owned a bakery, but it burned down a week ago. His business is toast now.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
What did the boy with no arms get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding. He hasn't opened his presents yet.
I bought a boomerang the other day and forgot all about it, but it's coming back to me now.
What's worse than stepping on a Lego? Stepping on a landmine.
A photon is going through security. The security agent asks if he has any luggage. "No," He says. "I'm travelling light."
Call of Duty: WWII's zombie mode trailer is scary as fuck. I did nazi that coming.
People keep accusing me of stealing things. I don't steal; I merely permanently borrow.
It's hard to explain things to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.
Did you hear about the man who cut off his left arm and leg? He used a saw. It was really disturbing.
Having sex while camping is fucking in tents.
Say, do you actually roleplay? Just judging by your humor, i think you'd make a great Phantom (Main evil guy) for the Colosseum roleplay i have up
Why did the little pig squeal? He was going through the blades at the slaughterhouse.
Some people are like clouds. Once they fuck off, it’s a much better day.
Every sixty seconds in Africa, a minute passes.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because they can't change anything.
My lord of puns.
What's the best part of a terrorist joke? The execution.
If an illegal immigrant fights a pedophile, wouldn't it be called Alien vs Predator?
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
What many people don't seem to understand is that dark humour is like food. Not everyone gets it.
At first, I didn't know why everyone was talking about a plane and the World Trade Center. Then it hit me. -
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