Don't know you but I just wanted to let you know that your story for the October contest was excellent. Also, nice m3m3s, please share more with me.
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If you drive a stolen Tesla, would it be called driving an Edison?
*Visiting Grandma's house* Me: "Grandma, I'm full." Grandma: "Nonsense! Eat!" *Hands me enough food to feed the hungry kids in Africa*
THE STEAM SALES ARE HERE. I'M READY FOR A MIRACLE.
When you think about it, all ghosts are in spectator mode.
Some people are vegetarians not because they love animals, but because they hate plants.
Disregard this biological solid waste matter and vacate the premises.
Eat spaghetti to forget your regretti.
Once you grow up and are no longer covered by your parents' insurance, that means your manufacturer's warranty is over.
Today is my birthday. I suppose I should celebrate the fact that I am one year closer to dying.
Little known fact: Minecraft is actually the title of an obscure book written by Hitler about his love of knitting.
Vodka is made from potatoes. Potatoes are vegetables. Therefore, vodka is technically a salad.
*Gets banned, but not really* Mods: "IT'S JUST A PRANK, BRO!"
The storm outside is so intense right now. I guess it's a perfect time to brainstorm ideas.
It's called the circle of life because life is fucking pointless.
The best way to steal a girl's heart is to invite her over to your house, sit her on the couch, and slice her chest open and tear it out.
People who make food puns should pack up and goetta hell out of here.
Why is it so fucking hard for me to fall asleep
Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
I tried to catch some fog yesterday, but I mist.
I ran into my ex today. Now I have to clean her guts off my car.
Becoming a vegan is a huge missed steak.
If an eagle had a split personality disorder, wouldn't be called having an alter eagle?
If humans travel to another planet and find alien life there, aren't we technically the aliens?
If you shot an avocado with a Glock, would it be called making Glockamole? -
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