Lucem
Ten Thousand Club
Previous: I see Sue qualities and I'd like more detail about her ability to quickly analyze a foe to make sure it's not OP. I'm not so sure about the flying machines, since it contradicts that wind is overlooked and given no importance. If people saw others flying in the sky, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't overlook it. I'm also not keen on flying being preset whatsoever, unless it's with a contracted beast.
There's no detail about the raid that killed her loved ones, which is pretty important. I'd also like information on why she wanted to follow in her father's footsteps. Just saying he died doesn't give much information on that. Also, if she was near death before she was found, why would she be determined to follow in his footsteps. In a situation like that, it doesn't make sense.
How did she survive for those two weeks she was alone? She was near death after two days before being found, so how did she manage two weeks? When she met Erina, how did they not get caught stealing sooner and how did they do it in the first place? It doesn't seem very likely that two weak and hungry little girls could evade capture for that long.
Why was the orphanage owner like that and why did he treat them badly? How did nobody find out about this? Surely someone would've taken notice. Why wasn't Erina scared? She's in the same position as everyone else, so why did she not show fear?
For the end of the history, how did Erina carry Wynn so far? Again, it doesn't make much sense. How did Mr. Slohr find out they left? How did Erina get Wynn on a boat? Did nobody notice what was happening to them? Wouldn't someone have stepped in? Wouldn't the shipowner see there was somebody getting on his boat? If Slohr had already caught up, how did Erina hold him off? When was Wynn asleep? How does a broken leg prevent her from seeing what happened to Erina?
For the Wind abilities, no making the air super cold or super hot and other things of that nature. How does Wind redirect water?
After Revision: I see Sue qualities and I'd like more detail about her ability to quickly analyze a foe to make sure it's not OP.
When she met Erina, how did they not get caught stealing sooner and how did they do it in the first place? It doesn't seem very likely that two weak and hungry little girls could evade capture for that long.
Why was the orphanage owner like that and why did he treat them badly? How did nobody find out about this? Surely someone would've taken notice. Why wasn't Erina scared? She's in the same position as everyone else, so why did she not show fear? If the town was so corrupt, why didn't those of higher power put a stop to it?
For the end of the history, how did Erina carry Wynn so far? Again, it doesn't make much sense. How did Mr. Slohr find out they left? How did Erina knock out a grown man with a plank of wood? How did Erina get Wynn on a boat? Did nobody notice what was happening to them? Wouldn't someone have stepped in? Wouldn't the shipowner see there was somebody getting on his boat? If Slohr had already caught up, how did Erina hold him off? When was Wynn asleep?
For the Wind abilities, no making the air super cold or super hot and other things of that nature. How does Wind redirect water?
Most of the new additions seem just to focus on Wynn's parents and more detail about the raid. Besides that, I don't see much change from last time.
There's no detail about the raid that killed her loved ones, which is pretty important. I'd also like information on why she wanted to follow in her father's footsteps. Just saying he died doesn't give much information on that. Also, if she was near death before she was found, why would she be determined to follow in his footsteps. In a situation like that, it doesn't make sense.
How did she survive for those two weeks she was alone? She was near death after two days before being found, so how did she manage two weeks? When she met Erina, how did they not get caught stealing sooner and how did they do it in the first place? It doesn't seem very likely that two weak and hungry little girls could evade capture for that long.
Why was the orphanage owner like that and why did he treat them badly? How did nobody find out about this? Surely someone would've taken notice. Why wasn't Erina scared? She's in the same position as everyone else, so why did she not show fear?
For the end of the history, how did Erina carry Wynn so far? Again, it doesn't make much sense. How did Mr. Slohr find out they left? How did Erina get Wynn on a boat? Did nobody notice what was happening to them? Wouldn't someone have stepped in? Wouldn't the shipowner see there was somebody getting on his boat? If Slohr had already caught up, how did Erina hold him off? When was Wynn asleep? How does a broken leg prevent her from seeing what happened to Erina?
For the Wind abilities, no making the air super cold or super hot and other things of that nature. How does Wind redirect water?
After Revision: I see Sue qualities and I'd like more detail about her ability to quickly analyze a foe to make sure it's not OP.
When she met Erina, how did they not get caught stealing sooner and how did they do it in the first place? It doesn't seem very likely that two weak and hungry little girls could evade capture for that long.
Why was the orphanage owner like that and why did he treat them badly? How did nobody find out about this? Surely someone would've taken notice. Why wasn't Erina scared? She's in the same position as everyone else, so why did she not show fear? If the town was so corrupt, why didn't those of higher power put a stop to it?
For the end of the history, how did Erina carry Wynn so far? Again, it doesn't make much sense. How did Mr. Slohr find out they left? How did Erina knock out a grown man with a plank of wood? How did Erina get Wynn on a boat? Did nobody notice what was happening to them? Wouldn't someone have stepped in? Wouldn't the shipowner see there was somebody getting on his boat? If Slohr had already caught up, how did Erina hold him off? When was Wynn asleep?
For the Wind abilities, no making the air super cold or super hot and other things of that nature. How does Wind redirect water?
Most of the new additions seem just to focus on Wynn's parents and more detail about the raid. Besides that, I don't see much change from last time.
