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School Daze

Quinlan didn't answer the first question. Since he didn't know exactly what Tegan was dealing with, it was almost like he knew nothing. He couldn't even bring himself to look up at Tegan. He just stared at his hands in his lap. The bus stopped and Quinlan listened to the kids getting off the bus.


Then Tegan asked why he cared. He was quiet for another moment. "Be-Because I-I, um, I-I th-thought th-that, um, that maybe we were, um, maybe a-almost, um, f-friends." He said quietly. Was he wrong? Had he read the signs wrong and thought something that was totally incorrect? God, he could be such an idiot sometimes. He didn't look up still, he couldn't.
 
Tegan scoffed as the bus rolled up to the school, his hair hanging over his eyes. A shadow fell along his cheeks, causing his face to darken. "You think we're friends?" He asked before standing up and walking off the bus, letting the conversation linger behind him. He could feel his insides ripping apart as he left Quin in his web of disgusting lies. Guilt sank like a rock in his gut, remembering the almost-kiss that had clung in the air between them. Why was he doing this to himself? Why was he jeprodising everything over a simple boy?


He felt his face burn red as thoughts of the cute male continued to swim in his brain. The image of Quinlan slipped between the dark emotions that flung themselves through his chest like darts. His mind reeled back to the terrible moments before sleep. He pressed his wounded forehead tightly against his blue locker, the cool metal feeling nice against the burning gash. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the trembles that shot through his arms. He couldn't face Quin, he didn't want to, for fear of spilling everything he'd worked hard at. Green eyes glanced up at the clock on the wall.


8:33


He plucked the red notebook from his back pocket, flipping to the middle page and began to scribble. His eyes darted around the hallway, letting him soak up everything around him.


The white-haired man opened his locker, grabbing his english book before wandering into Ms. Darwin's class, careful to avoid Quin.


He picked the last desk in the far right row, his arms rested over his textbook letting his chin rest on his folded hands. He closed his eyes, trying to clear his thoughts.
 
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Quinlan wasn't sure how to react. He sat frozen for a moment before hurrying off the bus. He stared at the ground as he made it to his locker. Opening it, a few tears escaped his eyes. He brushed them away as he got his things for class. He was such an idiot. Why did he have to go and think it? No. It would have been fine if he just hadn't said it out loud.


He closed his locker softly and started to class. When he got there, he saw Tegan. The moment he saw him, he looked down again. He sat in the other back corner of the room. He slumped in his seat and kept his eyes glued to his desk. He had already lost the one almost-maybe friend he had. One day. That was all it took for Quin to screw it up.


Why could he never do anything right? His dad was mad at him, Tegan probably was never going to talk to him again, and he was still worried about Tegan. Everything seemed to have somehow made almost-sense and now it was falling apart again. He should have left it alone on the bus. He felt like crying again and his eyes started to fill with tears again.
 
Tegan's gaze filtered through the room, noting everyone who was in his first class. He began to recite their names, like a simple nursery rhyme.




Terra Huges, Jack Pickles, Derek Pinensky, John Ackerman, Karel Princeton, Devon Yate, Peeter Schaffer, Kiki Akene, Lenny Jash ,Gregory Zaffure, Christan Gilbert, Sarah Hubert, Zane Pastrozi, Quin--

​



His heart leaped into his throat when the boy walked in. Their eyes locked for a quick moment before Quin quickly adverted his hues to the floor, hanging his head low. For some strange reason, seeing his torment made his chest tighten. He watched the boy walk slowly across the room, his brown hair fallen over his face. Tegan bit down on his lip hard, his stomach lurching when the boy wiped tears from the corners of his arms. He quickly looked away, letting white hair fall over his cheeks, blocking his vision.


Ms. Darwin began class by passing out assignments and making everyone get into pairs to work on the project. "Now everyone pick partners." She said clasping her hands together joyfully, her coffee fueled explination still hanging in the air. Tegan had fallen asleep with his face in his notebook, completely oblivious to the objective that had been given.
 
Quinlan sat in his desk, hoping that someone - anyone - would pick him for his partner. He looked up from his desk to see that everyone else had paired off already. He looked around, trying to find the one person left without a partner. He purposely avoided looking Tegan's way. However after searching the room, he realized there was only one person left. Tegan. He couldn't do this. He'd made himself look like an idiot enough for the rest of his life.


Then he got a pointed look from Ms. Darwin. She was going to make him do this. He closed his eyes and gathered his things. Then he slowly walked across the room and stopped silently next to the one person he didn't think he could talk to right now. The other seemed to be asleep, which made it worse in Quin's mind.


He gathered the little bit of courage he had left and lightly tapped Tegan's shoulder. "U-Um, T-Tegan?" His voice was quiet and Quin didn't even know if Tegan could hear him. "We, um, w-we're s-supposed to, um, s-s-supposed to b-be part, um, partners." He didn't want to do this. He was sure that after the bus ride confession that Tegan would have never wanted to talk to Quin again. Clearly he hadn't felt the same way Quin had and Quin didn't know if he ever did.
 
Tegan stood in the school's hallway, all the lights were off. He looked around, trying to find some source of light. His hands were in his pockets, like there was nothing wrong with being in the school after hours. He stalked down the hallway, whistling as he strolled. His tune echoed off the walls, turning a corner. He collided with something tall, falling to the cold floor. The man stood up, brushing his hands over the back of his pants to get the dust off. He glanced up, seeing a white haired boy staring back at him. His eyes grew wide, when the identical figure pointed a chunky black .45 at his face. Someone stood behind him, poking their small head out from under his elbow. Green eyes shone back at him as the small figure behind the Other-Tegan pulled on his black shirt. "U-Um, T-Tegan?"





"U-Um, T-Tegan?" a soft voice brought him back to the present. He could barely make out what the boy was saying. His eyelids fluttered open, dropping as he regained consciousness. "Mm..?" He asked sweetly, not lifting his head from the desk.


Everything flooded back to him, he realized he'd been scrawling in his notebook before falling asleep. Panic settled in. He slammed the notebook shut quickly, awake and alert in seconds. His head snapped up, eyes darting to Quin. His gaze fell on the male's pale lips, causing his heart to ram against his chest. His body suddenly calmed, looking over the boy's features. He kept his bored facede, trying hard to suppress the burning that began to form along his cheeks. "What is it?"
 
Quinlan jumped a bit when Tegan slammed the notebook. He couldn't help but notice how he was almost protective of it. He mentally shook his head. Now was not the time to be curious about what Tegan wanted no one to see. He looked down at the floor. He still wished someone would have asked him to be their partner. He didn't hate Tegan, he just hated himself for actually thinking he had a chance at making a friend. He was definitely an idiot.


"We, um, w-we're supposed to, um, to be p-partners." He repeated quietly. He couldn't afford to get any bad grades either. If he did his dad would find out and he'd be even more mad at him. He had to keep his grades high. He tugged nervously at the ends of his sleeves. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous. It was just a class assignment and everyone else had partnered up. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything.
 
Tegan looked around the room, confusion obvious on his bruised face. He shook his head slightly, blinking a few times before returning his vision to the small boy in front of him. The way he was nervously fiddling with his sleaves made a small hint of a smile curve up the man's lips. He's kinda cute. Tegan cleared his throat, trying to brush the thought out of his mind as he wrapped the red binding around the small notebook and slid it into his pocket. He stood up, and walked over to a desk. He slid his hands over the wood moving the tabletop right next to his, all the while keeping his gaze locked on the boy's face. The metal pegs created a loud screachy noise as they shifted across the granite floor. He sat down silently and patted the seat next to him. "So what's this project?"
 
Quinlan looked at the ground as Tegan looked around. He still sort of wanted to know what was in the notebook, but he was far too afraid to ask. It seemed really special to Tegan and Quin didn't want to make him mad. His face grew red as Tegan's eyes stayed on his face. He didn't need to look up at him to know that he was watching him, he could feel it. The screeching sound of the desk made him close his eyes and almost cover his ears. Loud, high-pitched sounds like that made him feel more on edge than normal. He hated them and tried to avoid them at all costs.


He sat down in the seat. He looked down at the sheet Ms. Darwin had handed out and managed to explain the assignment to Tegan. Maybe he could do this. He could talk about school work. School work was easy and uncomplicated. He never over-thought school work and there were no mixed signals about it. Quinlan definitely liked school work better than talking about anything else. However, no one else seemed to ever agree with him. That was just part of the reason why he never spoke to anyone else.
 
Tegan glanced down at the paper, leaning closer to Quite. He let his arm brush against his as he read through the instructions. The objective was to write a paper in the perspective of an object. Tegan drew a blank when it came to school now, he had gotten a D in every class since the end of freshman year. He glanced up at Quin, his face close with his. "Are we suppose to act like we are the object?" He asked, his voice wavering in pitch as his gaze locked with the brown haired kid's. He swallowed hard, unable to move his body away from the other's
 
Quinlan felt his face get warmer when Tegan's arm brushed his. He tried to shrink in on himself so they weren't touching, but he didn't know why. Maybe it was because of what Tegan had said on the bus. It was hard enough from Quinlan to talk to Tegan as much as he did and, for the first time in his life, he had put himself out there in ways he never thought he would. Only to be rejected in a way that seemed really cruel. He tried not to think about it anymore. He had to focus on the assignment.


Then Tegan asked a question. For the first time, Quinlan looked up at him. He locked his eyes on Tegan's for just a moment before going back to the paper in front of him. "Um, y-y-yeah." He managed a small nod.
 
Tegan nodded, leaning his shoulder a little closer to Quin. For some reason he liked the feel of this boy's body close to his, as long as it was under his control. Everything had to be under his control. He pursed his lips, sighing slightly. "So I guess we have to work together on this." He said, a small pang of excitement barely detectable in his tone. He lifted his pencil to the paper. "So, what are we? Are we a bat smacking a baseball? Are we a book? You decide." He said softly, trying to make up for his terrible attitude earlier. He lowered his head, his nose barely brushing Quin's ear.


"I'm sorry about this morning, it wasn't fair of me to put you in the crossfire." His voice was genuine. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around this boy, and sink deep into the earth's crust with him. They could curl up together under the school, wrapping themselves in a blanket of damp roots; where they'd slumber until the human race vanished. They could burrow their way back to the surface and spend their days in peace, free from worry. Free from hurt.


He continued to stare at Quin, like he was the most breathtaking creature he'd ever seen. His eyes were hungry, for what he couldn't comprehend.
 
Quinlan kept his body close to himself. He nodded slightly when Tegan said they had to work together. That was the point of the assignment. He wasn't sure what object they should be and he wasn't sure he wanted to be the one to pick. When he worked with other people, usually they came up with all the ideas and Quin just wrote them down. He tried to think, until Tegan's face moved closer to his ear. His face went redder when Tegan apologized.


His head tipped forward a little bit more and he just nodded a bit. He didn't think he could say anything, but he felt he had to at least acknowledge that he heard it.


"U-Um, I-I th-think th-that, um..." Quinlan tried to think of something. He didn't want to think of it, it felt weird. "U-Um, a-a, um, book." Technically he hadn't thought of it, so he felt okay about saying it.
 
Tegan sighed softly, his breath falling over the smaller male's cheek. His eyelids drooped as a smile broke across his face at the sight of Quin's red cheeks. He lifted his fingers, brushing them gently over the warm pink skin. "Calm down." He mused, using his other hand to jot down the main idea onto his paper. His handwriting was atrocious, but it was still legeble. He slid his thumb along the other's jaw, losing himself in the feeling of Quinlan's flesh. "We're a book, what kind of book?" He asked, pencil ready. A thought popped into his head, and he began writing. "How about, we're a textbook that wants to be a novel." He asked, his words somewhat reflecting his own feelings, only swapped. He was a dramatic story, wishing to be normal and boring. There was no normalcy for someone like him, not anymore. He felt his heart act up as he moved his hand to the nape of Quin's neck, lightly running his fingers down the vertebrae under his hairline.
 
Quinlan continued to stare down at his hands in his lap. He did try to calm down, but he couldn't. Not with Tegan so close. He didn't want to think about Tegan being nice again and making a mistake like he before. It was still too hard to think about the bus ride and not want to cry but he had to.


His heart was racing the more Tegan touched his skin. He tried to focus on Tegan's words, but then his hand went to Quin's neck. He felt himself stiffen a little bit. He still wasn't sure how to react to it, didn't want to be wrong about anything again.


"O-Okay." He nodded a little bit, it was a good idea too.
 
Tegan nodded, scrawling across his paper for a few moments before clearing his throat to read what he'd come up with aloud. He continued to stroke the boy's skin, not realizing how innapropriate his action was considering where their strange companionship stood. He lifted the page between him, pressing his chin softly to the male's head. "Life in a school is boring, and that's putting it lightly. I drift from student to student, enduring their harsh pencil-marks and unsteady hands ruffling through my pages. Some days, while they sleep along my cover, I dream of being a story. I wonder what it would be like, to be exciting and dramatic. My pages would never be defiled, my words never scoffed at. Someone would devour the sentances between my spine, enjoying what I have to offer to the world. My tales would be full of magic, burning curses and conquering knights. Never again would someone fold over my corners to cheat on their assignments. Alas, this is reality, not fiction. I'm not a book of importance, but I fill heads with knowledge. I keep the students on their feet, full of information they need for the future. I guess being a textbook isn't so bad after all." He finished, placing the paper into Quin's hands before moving his hand under the male's chin, filling his face up towards him. He gazed into the boy's eyes. "What do you think?"
 
Quinlan closed his eyes as Tegan continued to touch him. He wanted to know how he could do this after saying they weren't friends earlier. It completely confused Quin and he tried not to read into it too much. He managed to listen to what Tegan had written and tried not to think about how close Tegan was and how fast his heart was beating.


Tegan stopped talking and Quin opened his eyes. He looked at the paper before Quin's face was made to look up at Tegan's. Even just looking at his face made him feel upset again. Tegan was looking right at him. He wasn't used to people looking right at him and his face grew brighter.


"I-It, um, i-it-it's, um, g-good." He said finally.
 
Tegan ran his thumb over the small boy's lips, softly trailing it over his chin before realizing what he was doing. He dropped his hand, his smile dissapearing. He lifted his fingers to the wound along his forehead, remembering his disgusting image in the mirror. He felt his cheek, where the bruise had turned a bright yellow-green this morning. He looked down at his desk, shame sinking into his chest for the things he was doing to the poor boy. He knew his constant pushing and pulling at the male's heartstrings was eventually going to lead to Quin abandoning him. He buried his face in his palms, images from the night before slamming against the back of his eyes. "I'm sorry." He said softly, not specifying what he was sorry for. Truth was, he was apologizing for everything. For the way he acted, how hard it was to be around him, for being so weak. Pain swelled under his sternum, ripping the rest of the loose stitches that had pieced him together. He fell apart, silent tears dropping from his wrists onto the desk. He tried to cover his expression with his floppy white hair.
 
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Quinlan felt his heart racing as Tegan kept touching him. Then he looked down when Tegan stopped. When he heard Tegan apologize, Quinlan looked up again. Tegan looked really upset. Quin ignored the fact that he was still upset about what happened earlier. Tegan was...he was crying and Quin felt he had to make sure he was okay.


"I-It's, it's okay." He said quietly. He knew that even if he didn't feel okay, he had to put Tegan first. He always put someone who was hurting before himself. He put everyone before himself, it was something that sometimes ended up making him hurt more but he never changed it even though he could have.


"What's wrong?" He asked quietly, gently. He didn't want to make Tegan mad, but he wanted to see if he could help in any way.
 
The teenager struggled to gain his composure. The room was full of mingled voices spouting out different ideas for the english exercise. He was greatfull that this outsider was the only person who was seeing his demineior shatter. He wiped the back of his pale hand along his eyes, making sure to swipe the salty water away. He didn't know how to form the words, unsure if he could even unravel something so tightly locked up in his black vault. How could he begin to explain the horror? Define his constant flow of conflicting emotions? "I... can't tell you." He finally said. Afraid of what this kid might think of him. Would he think he was disgusting? Would he shy away from him like a disease? He didn't want to find out.
 
Quinlan waited quietly. He was starting to wonder if Tegan would even tell him what was wrong. He wanted to help if he could, he felt like it was the least he could do. Even if Tegan didn't think they were friends, Quinlan couldn't ignore the fact that Tegan had noticed him when no one else would.


He had to do something. Then Tegan said he couldn't tell him. "O-Okay, you, um, y-you don't have to." He wasn't going to push him into saying something he didn't want to. He knew he had things he didn't want anyone to find out. He just wanted to see if he was okay. He was still worried about Tegan but he wasn't going to make him tell.
 
Tegan glanced sideways at the clock, his heart rammimg against his chest.


9:32


The bell rang.


The white haired boy grabbed his notebook, adverting eye contact with Quin as he rose. He gripped quickly signed his and Quinlan's name on their paper and walked quickly to the front of the room. He handed Ms.Darwin the page and bound for the door. All the while, the only thing running through his mind was He cares... why? All I've done is put him down as soon as I pick him up. He turned the corner, avoiding his locker. He continued down the hallway, eventually breaking into a jog. He kept his mind pinned on getting out of the cluttered building. He swam his way through the sea of bodies, names popping in his head as his gaze fell along their faces. The walls gave in, suddenly he felt like the lockers narrowed. He struggled for air, his eyes now pinned on the back door.


Tegan slammed his body against the glass, the heavy metal groaning as it opened. He stumbled outside, the sound of chatter flying away with the wind. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself.
 
The bell rang and Quinlan looked down to gather his things. Before he could do much, Tegan was already gone. He stood up and walked out of the room. He managed to see Tegan in the crowd and he was about to follow when Tegan started to run. Quinlan looked down at the ground, it looked like Tegan wanted to be alone. Or away from Quin.


I really am in idiot. He thought to himself as he walked to his next class. He had, for some reason, let himself get his hopes up that maybe Tegan had changed his mind. He clearly didn't want to be friends. As Quinlan entered he room and got his violin out, he tried not to think too much about it. He was going to be as nice to Tegan as he could and maybe Tegan would change his mind.
 
Tegan wandered down the path, towards the front of the school where Jacob often lingered in hopes to catch him ditching gym. To his relief, his friend stood with his back against the old sign, a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth as he set up a line of white powder. The white-haired man glanced at his features, his eyes bloodshot and dark. "Hey Jake, have you been crying?" He asked, his own red eyes wide.


The black hues looked up at him, his face frozen in a nonchelaunt expression. "I should ask the same with you, what the fuck happened to your face?" He asked, his thumb trailing over Karma's forehead. The action caused Tegan to shudder and pull away. "Don't touch it." He commanded, green eyes now full of anger.


Jacob raised his hands surrendering. "Sorry, someone's touchy. Is everything okay at home? Did Jase do this to you?!" His voice raised, anger overflowing. The male knew almost everything about Tegan's checked up world, almost.


The white-haired boy didn't say anything, just plucked the straw from Jacob s hands and snorted the white powder up. His heart racing as the drug entered his bloodstream. He grabbed his red notebook, trying to recall the events prior to this meeting.


"So you have it all planned out?" Jacob asked, taking a puff of his cigarette before placing his similar blue pad next to Reagan's hand, his fingers lingering against the male's skin.


Tegan just nodded.


They spent the rest of the hour smoking and snuffing up cocaine, like every other day.
 
Quinlan focused on playing the songs during the period. He felt how his bow moved, his fingers pressing themselves against the tiny metal stings. He took extra care of cleaning the violin strings today. He just wanted to focus on something besides Tegan. He had never met someone so confusing before. He kept thinking that they were almost friends maybe and Tegan did something to shatter the thought.


It didn't matter, Tegan kept taking a notice in him and despite the confusion, Quinlan never had anyone notice him before. He walked through the halls, going to his next class. He sat in the back corner like always, getting out his things for this class.
 
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