Fandom Qᴜᴀʀʀʏ ᴀᴛ ᴅᴀᴡɴ, 𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙤𝙧. [IC]

[sunshineysoul]

MOOD: gay panic meets goth girl defense

WRITERS: @hotsauce + sunny!

LOCATION: The Village

basics

MENTIONS: N/A


INT: Miriam and Leilani

tags

TL;DRMiriam and Leilani "recognize" each other from high school. Miriam thinks Lani is scared of her, when in reality Lani is doing Lani things and panicking over a pretty woman.

tl;dr

MIRIAM X LEILANI

better run for the hills, run for the hills, run

Leilani breathed out as she had waved the last of the campers out of the lodge. Arts and Crafts went off without a hitch or hiccup, aside from maybe the occasional camper getting a new paint stain on their skin or clothes. As soon as the campers were out of ear shot, she walked over to the radio and turned down the music; there was only so much uplifting, bubble-gum pop music that Lani could take at one time. Especially with the current state of affairs that the counselors found themselves in. And especially Lani.

Her hands rested on her hips as she surveyed the room. She had no idea how she did it, but the large majority of her campers never seemed to have a problem not making a mess. There’s always a bit of accident when it comes to painting, but Leilani never had too much trouble cleaning up after everyone. As she looked around the room, she looked at everyone’s painted rocks, drying in the sun. There was so much personality in each and every one of them, there was a small part of her heart that swelled with pride. Seeing such young people, just like she was once, being able to tap into the creative part of their minds, and funnel it into something they could physically make.

Glancing at the watch on her wrist, Lani knew she should hurry and clean her area. It was still fairly early in the afternoon, but she wanted to take some time and walk the camp grounds. With all the turmoil sturred in her relating to Renee’s disappearance as well as the disappearances of two other counselors, she needed to ground herself, or clear her head, or hell just distract herself with something. The longer she thought about Renee, the more her heart tightened and her stomach tied in knots. The secrecy of their relationship was eating her alive, she knew how her friends thought of Renee, how much of a bully she was to all of her friends. And yet she couldn’t help but have felt love towards Renee. Sure Renee was a bully to her too in the beginning, but the more they spoke, the more time they spent together, the more Leilani realized that Renee was just misunderstood. Renee didn’t know how to handle her emotions, she didn’t know how to express her thoughts and feelings. But Leilani felt she came to understand her. To her, Renee was a beautiful masterpiece, full of complexities beyond the naked eye. It truly took experienced eyes, someone with a head and heart for acquired tastes, someone who knew the history and context behind the painting, to truly appreciate it.

And though her heart screamed, she couldn’t tell anyone. It was a secret she had to keep to herself, for the sake of her friendships, and for the sake of herself. If word spread enough, it would get back to her father, and that was truly Leilani’s biggest fear. Her father’s intolerance mixed with his temper spelled nothing but danger for the artist.

So she chose to suffer in silence. And if she was going to do that, she needed to take a walk around the damn camp ground from time to time.

Leilani shook herself out of the spiral she was falling down. After turning to her radio and pushing a few buttons, some more refreshing music started filling the room. It was different than the pop she had earlier, more heavy in a sense, but somehow still refreshing for Lani.

She made quick work of cleaning up everything, emptying out the cups of paint water into the dirt outside, ensuring all the paint brushes were clean, and throwing away all the used cups and plates. Carefully, she made sure to line up all the freshly painted rocks outside the lodge on a large stump. It was a stump that got good sunlight most of the day, and she knew from past years that the rocks always dried and set beautifully after a day on the stump.

Once the Arts & Craft room was back in order, Lani wanted to get some fresh air. She checked that everything was in her bag: pocketbook, spare candy bars, a few pencils, a stray marker, and the random tape she found earlier. After turning off the radio on the shelf, she made her way out of the lodge and began following the beaten path.

Miriam sighed with relief once all of the kids had run off to their next activity or free time, whatever the case may be. She hardly cared, so long as she knew that she was done–and to a lesser extent, that the kids were away from the mystery of the woods, a mystery she longed to explore, but not just yet. Right now, she needed a quick rest before she embarked on her little sleuthing journey across the camp, determined that she could find some sort of evidence that would let her know the truth behind the disappearances. Between her affinity with the beyond and her keen observational senses, Miriam was more than certain that she would find something. Or at least, that was what she told herself. If she were to help these people, it would be embarrassing for her to fail in such a boring and mundane way. If there was anything to be found, Miriam would find it.

With that thought, she walked back in the direction of the cabins. She was already tired from having to interact with several unruly children–already one of her least favorite activities–and she figured a brief respite would do her good. As she traipsed through the campgrounds, she again wished that she had thought to bring more comfortable footwear; as cute and alternative as her boots were, they were not the most comfortable option she could have chosen. But sneakers were ugly and didn’t match her aesthetic–even black ones made her look (shudder) athletic. Not to mention the way that she had to pick up her long, flowy black skirt a few times when the terrain got more muddy or dirty. Clearly a long skirt was not the best choice for her first day, either. But who cared? They said beauty was pain, after all, so Miriam must look gorgeous.

As she was deep in thought, she realized that she was nearing the Village again, smiling softly with a bit of relief that she could rest her feet for a little while before she set off to examine the campground and familiarize herself with the territory. But as she neared the little cabins, all neatly tucked away like something out of a movie, she noticed a familiar figure nearing the area as well. Miriam had known that it was entirely possible for her to come across someone she knew from high school or just around the town here, considering that she and Nic both lived so close to the campsite itself, but she had been hoping that she wouldn’t meet anyone she knew. Yet here was someone who already struck a chord of recognition in Miriam, which made her frown slightly. This girl had gone to her high school, hadn’t she? She was a little younger than Miriam, if she remembered correctly, just a girl she’d thought was pretty, albeit probably not someone who liked the black and blue-haired mystic, considering the amount of times Miriam had caught her staring after her goth makeover. Great. The last thing she needed right now was someone who already hated her; she was plenty capable of making enemies without the lingering high school tension.

But if this girl was around back before the disappearances of the Evergreen sisters, it would be helpful to get a rapport going. She highly doubted that she’d get a response about the missing girls from someone who only knew as a newcomer, and probably a witch or demon worshipper at that, if the rumors that had reached Miriam herself were anything to go by. Might as well start off on the right foot. She was going to rest after this anyway, so what was one more awkward social interaction?

“Hey,” she called as she got closer, giving a half-hearted wave. “Is this your first year as a counselor here too?”

Leilani’s head as involuntarily torn from watching the ground as she walked to someone calling out to her a few feet in front. It took a few paces before her feet stopped and she took in who was speaking to her. Someone familiar, someone with a striking enough look that Lani would never forget. It was a girl who went to her high school when Lani first moved from Hawaii. There was a small smile on her lips as she realized her gothic look hadn’t changed from the last time she remembered. She never remembered ever actually speaking to this girl, but she always kicked herself looking back. But now here she was, actually talking to her?

“Hi!” Her greeting came out a bit too perky to be even remotely believable, but Lani tried to continue on as if nothing was out of the ordinary. “Oh no, this is actually my third year being a counselor, and eleventh year at camp total! Not that you asked that last part…” Lani’s voice became increasingly quieter towards the end of her statement. Why was she nervous to speak to this girl? She wasn’t intimidated, and even if she was, Lani was normally great at speaking to new people! Was it because this was someone she knew in high school? And who knew the kind of rumors that had been spreading around about her in high school? Get it together Lani, she probably doesn’t even remember you, just chill the eff out. “But it’s your first year! How exciting! Are you enjoying it here so far?” The nervousness was almost as noticeable as stink-lines coming off a pile of garbage; her tell? Lani’s hands would not stop jittering; fidgeting with her watch, wringing her hands together, picking at the dried paint on her shorts, her nerves were running the show, but Lani still did her best to be “normal”.

Miriam raised an eyebrow at the other woman’s display, hand on her lips as she tried to parse out what was happening. She was certainly friendly enough; she seemed quite personable, in fact, but her obvious nervousness made me Miriam bite back a sigh. Not another person who had doubtless fed into the rumors about her being crazy. And here she was starting to think this summer camp might not be so bad after all. Why else would this girl be nervous? Miriam started to narrow her eyes before catching herself. Even if she’s freaked out by you, no need to be a bitch. Besides, you want to be friends if you’re going to get any information out of her, don’t you? And that was that. She could be nice…when she wanted to. And there was a part of her that felt almost guilty that her mere presence freaked this girl out so much. She tried not to care what others thought about her, but she didn’t like when people were afraid of her, for god’s sake.

“Exciting, yeah,” she echoed half-heartedly, wondering distantly if she would get in trouble if she smoked in front of the kids. Luckily, she didn’t have any cigarettes on her at the moment since her dress lacked pockets, but that was probably for the best anyway. She really needed to kick the habit. “You’re basically a camp veteran then, huh? Well, isn’t that something.” She thought for a moment, considering. “It’s been fine so far. I’ve never actually been to a summer camp before, so it’s definitely new.” That much was obvious, given how little her outfit suited this particular venture. But she refrained from adding snarky comments about her appearance to the conversation. She rather liked her style, so it didn’t really matter. She was going to wear her makeup and goth clothing every day if she could help it, practicality be damned. “I’m guessing you like it a lot here, if you’ve been coming back for so long.”

Lani felt the smile on her face grow, “Oh, yeah I guess you could call me a veteran,” the more she talked about the good things at camp, the more the nervousness calmed in her voice “This place became a second home to me when we moved here from Hawaii. School was kinda sucking and it was nice to reconnect with nature out here,” her hands still fidgeted, but not nearly as much as in the beginning of their interaction. This familiar counselor continued talking as if she didn’t know her, so maybe Lani was in the clear after all, “And then I made pretty good friends with people here, I honestly think I became closer with my camp friends than anyone at school. Mr. Evergreen’s been doing a great job running the camp,” she tried to continue highlighting the good parts of camp. If anyone were to ask, she would say it was to steer suspicion away from the disappearances, but honestly it was her own way of clearing her head and calming her nerves. If she thought about good things, then everything would be okay.

Well, for a camp that had two disappearances, this girl sure seemed to think highly of it. That spoke for something, and did make a small spark of suspicion find its way into Miriam’s chest. The other counselor was sure talking up the camp, almost like she was dependent on it for something. Though despite the thread of distrust that Miriam innately had for the nervous woman, she couldn’t help but feel in her gut that whatever had happened, it wasn’t her fault. But Miriam was sure this girl knew something. And she was sure she knew this girl.

“Speaking of school, did you go to Fairview High?” Miriam asked, examining her nails as she did so. The black paint was a bit chipped on her left pinky, annoyingly, but otherwise the color remained intact. She glanced up after a moment, wondering if she needed to add some sort of explanation for her question in case she was mistaken. Though she doubted that she was. “You look like someone who went there a few years ago.” She shrugged. Someone who definitely thought I was crazy, she added mentally, though the girl’s nerves had seemed to calm down the more she talked about camp. Maybe avoiding the topic of Miriam helped. She held back a snort at that. Of course it did. What nice, normal person would want to be associated with the local crazy goth girl?

[color=#83aabe[i]Shit. [/i][/color]Leilani did her very best to hang on to the smallest bits of calm she had found in the false reality of this counselor not remembering her. She took in a shaky breath before responding, “Yeah, I did! I’m guessing you did too?” Yep, play dumb, the thing you do best.

Interactions like this truly made Lani despise herself, and the facade she kept up for everyone around her. The constant fear of her true self being exposed wore away at her every day. Most days it was easy, being able to simply play the part she had so carefully constructed and rehearsed for years on end. Then there were a few days here and there where a wrench was thrown into her performance, an attempt to throw her off her balance; and truth be told it often worked, whether there was intention behind it or not. It had always been hard for Lani to keep her cool in high-stress situations, which never paired well with her anxiety telling her that the most mundane interactions were indeed high-stress.

Another deep breath filled her lungs and rushed out through her nose. If you can just keep it together, stop acting like an idiot, then it’ll be fine.

Yeah, this girl definitely thought Miriam was crazy. She got all cagey and uncomfortable the moment the topic of high school was broached. Not that Miriam blamed her for it; she has hated high school herself and didn’t enjoy discussing it either. She just had to be sure that she wasn’t actually going crazy when she had recognized the other counselor.

“Yeah, you got me,” she smirked. “I went there, too. High school was such a shit show.” She laughed. “Oh, my name’s Miriam by the way.” In case she only remembers me as “witch girl” or something. Though that hopefully wasn’t the case.

Miriam, that’s pretty, Lani thought to herself before she realized she should probably introduce herself as well, “It’s very nice to officially meet you, Miriam! I don’t remember if you were in my class or not, but I’m Leilani,” her smile was genuine, almost wanting to reach out her hand for a handshake, before realizing that would be really weird of her to initiate. Instead, she shoved her hands into the shallow pockets of her shorts. Her fingers ran into something hard and cool, smooth on one side and rough on the other. She pulled it out of her pocket and saw it was a painted rock; one with a light blue background and a black smiley face, it was one she had made when ensuring the paints were mixed well enough. Lani’s genuine smile morphed into a more giddy grin as she held the rock in the middle of her palm, extending her hand out to Miriam, “You want a painted rock? I made it before the hoard of campers came to Arts & Crafts,”

Miriam blinked, surprised at the gesture. A gift? Instantly she was suspicious. Was this some sort of prank? But Leilani’s beatific grin suggested otherwise. Either this woman was a really good actor, or she was genuine. And as much as Miriam didn’t trust anyone besides Nic at this camp, she wanted this interaction to be genuinely positive, so she could at least accept the rock since nothing about it lept out at her for being an immediate red flag. She gingerly took the rock from Leilani, her fingers brushing the other counselor’s palm briefly as she did so. She tried not to think about the contact, holding the rock in her hand since she didn’t have any pockets to drop it into.

“Thanks, Leilani,” she responded, repeating her name to ensure she remembered it. It sounded familiar, but she knew they hadn’t shared any classes, or at least not that Miriam remembered. Something told her that she would recall interacting with Leilani. “So is that your job this year, then? Arts and crafts?” She could easily picture this sunshiney girl leading the children in an artsy activity like painting rocks, shepherding them like an older sister. She clearly enjoyed her job. So she probably wouldn’t appreciate Miriam poking around about the sisters. Maybe that could happen later, then; as much as she would not have admitted it, she was actually not minding the conversation just chatting with Leilani.

“Yeah!,” Leilani did everything she could to keep her mind off the small tingle that surged through her body at the slight graze of Miriam’s fingers on her palm. Attempting to bring her arm back to her side at a very normal pace, she tried to focus on talking. The conversation was turning towards art, definitely something Leilani could talk about, “It’s the only job I’ve had at this camp. Being a bit of a self-proclaimed artist, I really enjoy helping little ones find their creative spirit,” Her smile had previously faltered when Miriam plucked the rock out of her hand, but it quickly went back to genuine, “That sounds like I’m really stuck up and stuffy, I’m not a real artist by any means,” Lani quickly tried to recover the fumble or misstep of words she had imagined, “I’ve just always enjoyed drawing and painting and any venue of art, really,”

Miriam scoffed, glancing from the rock she was holding to Leilani. “‘Real artist’ is anyone who makes art that they put their heart into,” she responded emphatically before looking away, slightly embarrassed by the outburst. She was quite passionate about art herself, though she’d never admit it. And it was much easier telling someone else they were an artist instead of saying that she was one when she hardly felt her own shitty paintings warranted the title for her. “Anyway, I don’t think you’re stuck up or anything, so don’t worry about that. It’s good that you get to do what you love.” And she meant it. Part of her was jealous that Leilani had so clearly found her passion, though she admittedly quite enjoyed her job of being a hairstylist as well. She just wasn’t as sure that the nature counselor job suited her as well as art clearly suited her companion.

“And the rock is cute.” She gave the other woman a small smile, being genuine in her compliments. She really shouldn’t get too close to anyone here for fear it would impede her investigation, but she supposed having a friend here would be helpful. Besides, it felt nice when Leilani’s nerves eased. Maybe she wasn’t hated after all.

A new kind of smile danced on Leilani’s lips as a subtle tint rose to her cheeks and her eyes sheepishly “checked her watch”. Lani would be dumbfounded to explain why she had that response to a simple compliment over a small rock, but she chalked it up to her emotions being haywire anyways and cleared her throat to speak. “Well, thank you, it’s not my best work but I wouldn’t call it my worst either,” Somehow emboldened, Lani’s eyes looked back up to Miriam’s simply admiring how her dark makeup, however intense, seemed to only enhance the beauty she knew Miriam had. “So where are you headed now? Maybe I could walk with you to make sure you don’t get lost? Not that I think you’d be easily lost, I just figured maybe you’d want some company? But it’s okay if you don’t too! I won’t be offended!”

… Way to keep it cool, Leilani….

Miriam blinked again, surprised at how quickly Leilani could go from nervous to bubbly to nervous again, though admittedly she seemed like a very bubbly person in general. Maybe she was still freaked out by Miriam; she was certainly staring at the goth girl’s makeup hard enough that Miriam could sense she was being judged. Every time she thought someone was being friendly, they looked a little too hard at her lip ring or excessive use of dark eyeshadow and decided she was weird or creepy. She suddenly felt even more tired. Leilani was so sweet; Miriam really didn’t want to deal with the sort of too-friendliness from trying to hide one’s nerves. As genuine as her fellow counselor seemed, something about Miriam clearly made her anxious. It hardly took a genius to put two and two together to see what it was.

“I appreciate the offer, but I was just going to take a short nap in my cabin.” She punctuated this with a small yawn. “Though if you’re dying to show me around, I guess I do need to know where things are at some point.”

“Oh! Well it certainly doesn’t have to be right now… I wouldn’t want to keep you from your beauty sleep! Not that you need beauty sleep, because you’re incredibly pretty. Shoot, I didn’t mean that to be weird, sorry, I’ll let you get to your nap.” by the end of yet ANOTHER outburst, Lani was clenching her teeth together in a desperate attempt to shut herself up. It was truly a blessing that she had such an absent homophobic father. If he ever paid any attention to her interactions with pretty girls, he’d have her figured out an in instant.

“It was nice officially meeting you, Miri,” Leilani said to Miriam as she began to turn on her heel.

Miriam was seriously having trouble figuring this girl out. On one hand, it seemed like Leilani liked her enough, but her nervousness made Miriam seriously start to doubt that. Even if she seemed genuinely nice, Miriam wasn’t used to clicking with such bubbly personalities so quickly. In her experience, more friendly and extroverted people seemed to either avoid her or get weird around her, probably due to her reputation preceding her around these parts. But at the compliments, she was thoroughly confused.Does she actually think I’m pretty or was that just her being scared to offend me? Does she think I’d curse her if she says something that could be perceived as mean? Or, more likely, she was a people pleaser. Miriam had certainly met a few of those before, and so far the art counselor seemed to fit the bill.

At the use of the nickname, though, Miriam couldn’t help the warmth on her cheeks. No one called her that except maybe Nic or Miriam’s mom. It felt oddly intimate; a fitting end to a similarly confusing interaction. But…pleasantly confusing? Was that even a thing?

“Um, thanks?” she responded, raising an eyebrow. As Leilani turned to leave, she added, “Yeah, nice meeting you too. See you around, Leilani.”

code by valen t.