Out Of Character

Ariesye said:
yeah, maybe not the best idea to have another character in my trailer xD


We shall see though }3
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No for your trailer you needed a lot of characters, I think. It made it more interesting. But they're not all coming to Beacon with you, so you can let them be for now XD.
 
Thanks for the kind words, I love everyone else's trailers too. Really like the whole idea of having trailers for our characters in the RWBY-style, I've never actually been in a RWBY RP that has done that and it's making me super pumped to start this RP up.
 
Behold my trailer, in its its glory and lack thereof.


Have to say I agree on the front of the trailers. Gives us a chance for showing off both fighting and writing style, and for some even some personality and / or backstory to the character.
 
@Ariesye I don't want to be "that guy" but I do have a minor gripe with your trailer. In dialogue, you seem to put commas after the " so, for example, one of your sentences is:


“Alright now”, he said turning to her


when it (and all the others) should be like this instead:


“Alright now,” he said turning to her
 
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Qro said:
@Ariesye I don't want to be "that guy" but I do have a minor gripe with your trailer. In dialogue, you seem to put commas after the " so, for example, one of your sentences is:


“Alright now”, he said turning to her


when it (and all the others) should be like this instead:


“Alright now,” he said turning to her


(at least i think)
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I actually think you're right, its a habit of bad training from my school that use to switch those for god knows why. I'll go back and flip them right. Language rules change way too much
 
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The Unamed Beast said:
how do you guys like my trailer?
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It wasn't half bad, though I feel like the combat could have been more detailed and interesting. Honestly, the small amount you've written of it doesn't exactly grab me, as there's no actual description of the fight save for a tiny bit at the start. Most of it is just she attacked them, they died, she attacked the, they died. The ursa could have been an epic battle, but it's a single line.
 
The Unamed Beast said:
how do you guys like my trailer?
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I think my biggest issue with it is pretty much along the lines of what J said, what could have been a dramatic moment is sort of cut down abrubtly when the death of her friend is only described as "struck down by Beowolves", and then what could have been rage-filled vengeance for her friend (or, however your character would have reacted) was sort of cut short too when it was just "killed them"
 
Qro said:
I think my biggest issue with it is pretty much along the lines of what J said, what could have been a dramatic moment is sort of cut down abrubtly when the death of her friend is only described as "struck down by Beowolves", and then what could have been rage-filled vengeance for her friend (or, however your character would have reacted) was sort of cut short too when it was just "killed them"
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Let's try not to dog-pile the poor beast with the same criticisms now.
 
@Ariesye Thank you : )

The J said:
Come at me, I'm always looking to improve!
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Eh, don't really have any problems with yours writing wise. The only "bad" thing about it is that not a lot of character-relevant stuff happens.
 
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Qro said:
@Ariesye Thank you : )


Eh, don't really have any problems with yours writing wise. The only "bad" thing about it is that not a lot of character-relevant stuff happens.
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Yeah, honestly I didn't feel like I'd given myself a way to do it. I could have had him interact with the girl, but any way I thought of doing it felt like it'd either drag on, or be entirely predictable.
 
Oh god no, I've just realised that we have a mass-liker in our midst. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
 
Uggghh It's been over a year since I've made any characters. Feel like trash trying to come up with stuff for Wynn.
 
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