Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Zotohxan]

((Maybe you should try? o: Normally stuff you write in the middle of the night is either the best stuff you'll ever write, or some wretched conspiracy theory about the Moon landing being faked by marshmallow reindeer aliens.))


"Um.. Could we maybe change in a bathroom?" I ask sheepishly, knowing that Teag couldn't really be that comfortable with changing in front of all these people... I know how hard it is even with just me sometimes, so... "Oh, of course!" Rosaline says, walking to a locker and putting in the combination before pulling off the lock and opening it up. She pulls out a neon green t-shirt and hands it to me, and though it's not as covering as I'd sort of hoped, at very least it wasn't a low-cut thing...


I glance to my girlfriend, smiling as I see Harkin handing her a baby blue t-shirt in the same style. I wonder if they do like Teag and I... Having absolutely no clue after awhile what clothes were originally whose. They look about the same size, both only slightly bigger than Teag and myself thanks to their muscles, and the fact they're both a bit taller... But I know the clothes would still fit us without being horribly baggy. "Thank you." I say with a bit more energy than I'd asked my previous question with, earning smiles and nods from the couple before us. They then start back out of the locker room, everyone once more walking around me so there's no possible chance of someone touching me- something I'll eternally be grateful to them for- and leads us to the bathroom. "Here we are. It's a one-room thing instead of stalls, so you don't need to worry about anyone else coming in."


((And now I must go to bed... I'm so freaking tired x.x))

 

[Memster101]

(( Maybe I will :3 Certainly have enough time between getting to school and going >> And I was just about to call it a night. I hope you sleep well! ))


I let out a mental sigh of relief at Mir's request, squeezing her hand in gratitude. I nearly bumped into a few people, something that would have been completely mortifying, because of my refusal to look up and had to judge on when we stopped by Mir's slowed movements. I glanced at her briefly, happy to see her getting a little better. I knew once we got to the hospital, things would go back down the drain but until then I'd try enjoy this moment of happiness. I thanked Lori when she handed me the shirt and draped it lightly over my arm like a towel. Then after Mir had gotten hers, we ventured to the bathroom to change. The fact that it was a one roomed bathroom was even better. It meant more room to change in, along with the privacy fact. I gave a relieved smile to the two women before following Mir into the room.


I shut the door behind us, leaning back against it for a few moments, composing myself. "What do you want to do while we wait?" I asked her after I felt more steady on my feet, hesitantly removing the filthy shirt. A slight frown touched my lips at what I saw on my body but tried to push my discomfort away, pulling the blue shirt over myself. It was just the right amount of baggy, the sleeves just a little short for my taste. I tugged self consciously at them, wishing that they'd cover the scars on my upper arm more than it was able to do. "If I wasn't scared we'd sleep through the call, I'd suggest going over to that little cafe and having a nap."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Haha x3 You should do it on wattpad- I'd love to read it! ^-^))


I chuckle a bit and nod, just trying to make the most of this. I know I'm going to have another massive breakdown when we get to the hospital... No matter what the result of the test is, I know I won't be able to handle it. So until we go, I'm just going to try and be happy, for Teag's sake. After peeling off my own shirt and putting on the new one, I walk over to my girlfriend and gently lift up the sleeves, kissing the scars on both her arms before lifting my head and placing a short kiss on her lips. "You're beautiful, my love."


I then turn around and dump my shirt in the trash, honestly not wanting to have any reminder around of this day... Everything that came of it, except for being with Teag and getting away from my parents, has just been... Terrible. "Isn't there a bookstore around here?" I ask softly, smiling brightly. "We could go up to one of those? I haven't been to one in forever..."

 

[Memster101]

(( Okay, well I'll definitely make an effort to try and work on it :3 It's something that'd only be a short story so hopefully that won't be too hard xD ))


I held back the urge to push Mir's hands away, flinching back a little in protest as she kissed at my arms. Why did she say that I was beautiful? Especially when she looked at my scars. She knew it wouldn't hurt me of she told me that the scars were ugly...they were. She'd only be telling the truth. I managed to meet her lips slightly to return the light kiss before mirroring her actions to toss the shirt away. It wasn't anything I was partial to and I didn't really want to carry it around all day. Moving over to the mirror, I grimaced at my reflection, disliking how awful I looked. There were black swatches of bruising under my eyes from the sleepless nights, my eyes blood shot and wide in a deer-caught-in-headlights way, and my hair was limp and dry looking. Mir's hickies stood out again my ghost-white skin like neon signs. God I looked like I could pass for some zombie.


Shaking my head some, I pulled my hair back into a similar make-shift bun like I had done to Mir's, and turned back to face her. "Uhm, yeah... I think so. Not super far from here...a block or two." Leaning back against the counter, I rubbed idly at my eyes with the palm of my hand, wanting to bury myself in pain killers. "Want to go there?" The walk would be a bit unpleasant considering the facts we didn't have any coats on, but if we stayed close and walked fast we'd survive. Especially if I was puffing on one of those cancer-sticks. Maybe I could sit and flip through a book while Mir looked around. I'd hate to leave her alone like that, but I'd be doing good not to faint on the way to the store. The less energy I spent, the more time I'd have to get Mir settled at home before another fainting spell hit.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Good luck! x3))


I frown a bit when I hear how far away the book shop is, and quickly shake my head when she asks if I want to go there, "No.. Let's just go to the cafe you said before, the one across the street.. I don't really feel like walking that far." I smile sheepishly, then go up behind her in the mirror. I don't like the way she's looking at herself... I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her back against my chest and resting my head on her shoulder. "I don't care what you look like, Teag. Because I know how beautiful you are inside, and that takes away from any ugliness that could be shown by the scars, or messiness of your hair, or tiredness of your eyes... I love you more than anything, more than anyone. And I don't want you looking at yourself like you're anything less than my gorgeous girlfriend, the girl I want to spend my life with. The girl I'll someday have a family with. Because no matter what the years do to us, I know you'll always still be the same wonderful, worthy, beautiful girl I first fell in love with. The one I cleaned puke off of, the one whose blood I wiped away. The one who bandages me up and makes me comfortable, makes me happy."


I turn my head and kiss her cheek, squeezing her just a bit. "I want you to see yourself as I see you. And I'll work every day for the rest of my life to get you there... And when that day comes, you'll cry, unable to understand how you were ever able to see yourself as anything less." I wasn't really sure where all that came from... I just hated seeing her look at herself the way she was, and so... I didn't really think about my words, I just sort of let them out. Whether or not they struck any cords within her, or if they really made any sense was another story, though...

 

[Memster101]

((Yeah! Ugh. I was going to donate plasma today but I couldn't find my social security card cause my mom hid. So now I'm too ornery to go xD ))


I leaned back against Mir a little, not wanting to over balance her by putting too much weight against her with her weakened state. My eyes drifted down to her arms around me, listening to her speak with my lips pursed faintly. It was one thing for her to say it, and I knew she was telling me the truth, but it was an entirely other thing to try and convince me other wise. And Mir knew that, which confused me to why she praddled on. After her little speech, I nodded slightly and squeezed her hands. "Let's go to the cafe and get warm," I murmured, sliding my hand back into hers after stepping away. "Maybe get some coffee..."


A brief glance over Mir to check the state of readiness she was in assured me that we could head back out into the station. Once more I pulled Mir close, away from the other people, my arm moving around her shoulder after releasing her hand. Rosaline and Lori were chatting near by, presumably about another case from their expressions. I would have been fine slipping unnoticed, not wanting to interrupt, but we caught Lori's gaze and she smiled, beckoning us over. "Well don't you two just have the finest taste in clothing," She mused, giving a grin with was surprisingly similar to my own slightly crooked one. I managed a little laugh, semi-hiding behind Mir to block one arm from view while I tugged at the sleeve of the exposed one lightly.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Oh gosh x3 I'm sorry, maybe tomorrow or something? ;w;


Also, sorry if I randomly disappear.. I'm both cleaning, and I'll probably be taking some meds sometime soon, and I'll likely end up passing out. ))


I chuckle slightly, not saying anything about Teag hiding behind me as I know what she was doing.. She didn't want them to see her scars. But Rosaline seems to pick up on the action rather quickly and pulls her jacket off. It was large and somewhat poofy, black, with the police station symbol on the right breast pocket. But she hands it over toward my girlfriend, "Jacket?" She asks, thankfully not making a big deal of it, "It's pretty cold out there, after all."


((Aaaand, shitty reply. I apologize. 'w'))

 

[Memster101]

(( You're fine I might go and dye my rat tail again here soon or do some math homework. I will disappear later today though. I have therapy and my dad wants to go talk to the bank >< And it's fine ))


I took the jacket gratefully, slipping it on and relaxing some. Knowing me I'd probably just try and tough it out when we got outside, not wanting Mir to be cold. "Thanks. I guess we'll just have to tell everyone our moms are police officers," I mused half-heartedly, I zipped the jacket up, adjusting it so that the neck of the shirt was pulled up over my mouth. Another weird quirk of mine. I'd always have my shirt or jacket pulled up over my mouth if I was laying down or doing something that didn't require much talking. Lori took her own jacket it off, offering it up to Mir. "Why don't you take mine as well? It's a little warm in here anyways." Another smile crossed my lips, wondering how on earth we had gotten so lucky to get these two as Mir's officers.


When Mir put the coat on, I gave her hand a little tug. "Why don't we head out? Leave you guys to your work?" I suggested, eager to be outside. I was unfortunately already cruising for another smoke and my hands were getting a little jittery. "We're just going to be over in the cafe across the street, so if you want we can always just walk back when you two are ready to head out to the hospital?"

 

[Zotohxan]

((Ooh, have fun dying! owo Aaand, homework would probably be a good thing to do. x3 Good luck with therapy and the bank also!))


I chuckle a bit at Teag's musings, until a realization hits me... Since Lori and Rosaline are basically raising me now, my moms kinda are cops... That's gonna be a bit strange, considering Teag and I have both always strayed away from cops. I smile when Teag does her thing of zipping up the jacket around her mouth, then smile gratefully to Lori and put her jacket on. I feel Teag's hands shaking a bit and recognize it as her being far emotionally overdue for another cigarette. And just because of what we've both been though so far today, I'll let her without giving too much grief... I just won't like it.


"Sounds good, kiddo." Rosaline says with a playful wink before waving her hands dismissively toward us. "Go get all lovey dovey at the cafe and gross out some kids with kisses. Trust me, it's fun." She chuckles and I do as well, then wave goodbye to them and start out with Teag. When we get outside I watch for cars before taking us across the road, grateful beyond belief for the jacket so I wasn't freezing my butt off. "Want to go behind the building?" I ask, knowing that even though Rosaline and Lori let it go, a 17 year old smoking right outside of a cafe across the street from the police station probably wouldn't be the best idea...

 

[Memster101]

(( I didn't xD I'm torn between dying it rainbow again or just hues of green, purple, and blue >< And thanks ))


I smiled behind Rosaline's jacket at the banter, letting out a few chuckles here and there as well. "Aye, aye Cap'n," I mused, giving her a mock salute with my free hand. When we walked out into the cool air, I took a deep breath, relishing it. It was just the kind of slap I needed after today. I let Mir tug me along, making sure to pull her away some when someone got to near, but otherwise let her lead. For once I wasn't lost in my thoughts rather the dreary winter day when Mir caught my attention. Were my hands really shaking badly enough for her to notice? Under normal circumstances, meaning me being fed a little more than I currently was, I might have been able to keep it somewhat at bay, but my cognitive and motor skills weren't performing at top percentages. "Yeah...Thanks," I murmured, this time leading us to the back of the building.


Once there I leaned up against the back of the building, reaching into my back pocket to grab one of those cancer sticks as well as my lighter. "You can go inside if you want, Mir...I don't want you to sit out here and freeze." Out of courtesy to Rosaline, I pulled off her jacket, folding it and pinning it between my thighs so that the smell wouldn't get as badly on it. Instantly I was shivering, but I didn't mind. The harsh slap of cold sobered me some, helping to keep the blackness at bay. Making sure Mir was up wind from me, I stuck the stick in my mouth and brought the fabric of the shirt up to block the wind from the flame of the lighter. It was actually a trick Jess had taught me when I first started smoking. Once the cigarette was lit, I stuck the lighter back in my pocket, idly taking a drag.

 

[Zotohxan]

((*o* You should green, purple, and blue. That'd look awesome, I'm sure. -w-))


I shake my head, reaching out to take Teag's free hand, rubbing it with both of my own to try and warm her up. "I'm fine here, love." I say softly, smiling to her. "I don't want to go in there alone, and I'd much rather be out here with you." I lean over and rest my head against her shoulder, not caring about the rather putrid smell coming from the burning end of her cigarette. It's hard not to pull it away and take a drag to try and teach her a lesson... I really want to, to do anything to make her quit, but... Today has been hard. She gets a free pass.


My eyes close as I start to drift away into my thoughts, wondering how everything will work after today... At the end of the week... Four months from now... Nine months from now. Will living with a pair of cops really turn out to be a good thing? Or will it just make mine and Teag's relationship more difficult? Will they really accept and not judge us?

 

[Memster101]

(( I'll just have to buy more yellow then :3 Did you end up napping??))


I wrapped an arm around Mir's shoulders, rubbing lightly at her arm. "How do you feel about a pair of gay guys taking over your custody case?" I asked her, keeping my eyes on the street. Unlike Mir, I personally found the smell comforting. Who knew how many times I had called Jess in a fit and she had held me, soothed me, with one of these things between her lips? I flicked it, knocking the grey waste from the end. "I could have swore there were only five or so officially gay people here in the city, along with a lot of girls with low inhibitions while drunk." I grinned faintly at that, shaking my head some. It was amazing how many girls would deny having been with me, all for the fact they were scared of the consequences. Claiming it was the alcohol and blah blah blah.


I paused in my puffing and looked down at Mir, studying her, wondering what she was thinking. How would I explain where the money was coming from when I got the apartment? How could I keep it a secret and for how long? I swallowed and closed my eyes, trying to still my trembling as I waited for her to speak.

 

[Zotohxan]

((I did ;w; I was able to take a shower, then just collapsed onto my bed. x'D))


I snap out of my thoughts at Teag's question and short joke, chuckling a bit along with her. "I'm okay with that.. I mean, I know that no cop would hurt me, but.. It'll just be easier since I know they're not even into girls." I shrug a bit, then start to wonder what she was so in thought about. "Whatcha thinking about?" I ask, leaning up to gently peck her lips despite the cigarette taste there.


It gets me wondering... How many times had she kissed Jess with this same taste on her lips? How many times did the taste from Jess's mouth latch onto my girlfriend's body, down to her most intimate parts? How many times had flesh met flesh, lips upon one another with identical smell and taste coating their very beings? I look up into Teag's eyes, tears in my own. I want to question her, to know the answers to all these questions, but I know I won't like those answers when I get them... So for now, I just want to keep being happy with this girl... With the love of my life. I just want to pretend it's just her and I, that Jess isn't even a factor.

 

[Memster101]

((Sounds like a good time xD Are you going to be able to sleep tonight??))


I nodded in understanding, blinking when she kissed me. I kept it brief though, knowing she disliked the taste. My head leaned back against the brick of the building as a wave of memories hit me. Jess's mouth on my own, tasting that very flavor, her own shaky hands exploring my form. Both of our shirts long gone...I could still see the needle pricks lining our arms, slight bruising around our biceps from the rubber bands we'd use to expose our veins. Her mouth trailing lower...I jumped out of my thoughts as my cigarette drifted down, singeing through my jeans and against my skin. My nose scrunched up slightly in pain and I brushed at the hot area, trying to ignore the heat that was gather in other regions.


"Just about what's going to happen I guess..." I murmured, taking a short puff before pulling Mir closer to me. I needed to feel her against me. "It'll sure be a whole new experience being so close to cops..." A little chuckle left me and I took another, eager to get into the warmth of the cafe. Plus I could see Mir was getting a little chilly, her nose starting to run a little.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah, I'll just take some more medicine... I've got to get up at 6 in the morning again, after all. ;w; ))


I nod, smiling halfly, but not raising my head to really look at her. I don't really want her to see the tears... "Yeah, it'll be hard to get used to, probably." I shrug a bit, "But I know they're nice.. And they're going to help you too, so I don't really feel anything against them. I'm not scared of them like I normally am either." I realize that I'm ranting a bit and shut myself up, blink back the tears, and smile up at my girlfriend."Sorry, I didn't mean to get into all that." I chuckle a bit before laying my head on her shoulder. "You should hurry.." I reach up and wipe my nose, knowing that if I'm as cold as I am with a jacket on, she must be freezing.


((Ugh, I'm sorry.. I'm still kinda half asleep and didn't know what to write.))

 

[Memster101]

(( Oh dear >< Work again? And it's all good.))


I nodded some in agreement, sighing a little at her prompting. It wasn't much longer after her request before I did end up finishing the cigarette off, flicking it onto the ground. I snubbed the still glowing end out with the toe of my sneaker and quickly pulled the jacket on after separating myself from Mir. "Alright, let's go in." Once again I found her hand, leading us back around the building and into it. The strong smell of baked goods and coffee hit me like truck and I even stepped back some, feeling my stomach churn awake. My face paled as I became over whelmed with the scent and my stomach threatened to spill what little contents it had in it. Squeezing Mir's hand, I murmured something about having to use the bathroom and for her to get what she wanted, before darting into the restroom.


As soon as the stall door shut behind me I dropped to my knees, retching. I shuddered for a few moments as I clutched at the bowl of the toilet, feeling as if my insides were going to come out along with the food. A wave of blackness hit me and I barely managed to lean over far enough so my forehead met with my arm instead of the porcelain seat. I was not going to pass out face first into the toilet, that was for sure. Sadly, there was little rest for the wicked and as soon as my forehead met my arm, my stomach emptied again. "God fucking dammit," I whispered, my voice raw from the acid. I pushed back from the bowl onto my legs, groping blindly for some toilet paper to wipe my mouth off with. This happened once or twice more, I was more focused on not blacking out than keeping track, but once it stopped, I buried my face into the crooks of my arm, trying not to cry.


Thankfully no one decided to come in during that time so when I felt secure enough to stand, I was able to slip over to the sink without fear of being questioned. I splashed my face a few times with cool water before cupping some in my hand to rinse my mouth out with. Once I felt that my face and mouth were more or less clean, I straightened the jacket out, sadly proud that I had managed not to mess on Rosaline's jacket. After some brief searching through my pockets, I found a stick of gum which I popped into my mouth, hoping that'd disguise the taste of vomit to both myself and Mir.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yep... So fun. :^) ))


Once we enter the cafe Teag mumbles something about the bathroom and tells me to order, then rushes off. I know exactly what's happened, but decide not to go after her... I know that probably seems bad, but I also know she'd just feel worse if she knew I was worrying about her, if she knew I knew. So as much as it pains me, I allow her to suffer through it alone. Instead, I just sit at a small booth, knowing that way neither Teag or I would have to suffer through having our backs exposed where we couldn't watch them.


A waitress comes over, me being thankful it wasn't a man, and asks for my order. I ask for more time on the food but request two waters, and two coffees. Even if Teag can't keep food down right now, hopefully she'd be able to handle coffee. Maybe it'd even wake her up a bit more, so she wouldn't have to keep going through her dizzy spells? At least, not quite as much.


I pull out my phone, realizing that there's thankfully no messages from my parents of any sort. They're actually keeping to Rosaline and Lori's order, which is shocking... Normally they wouldn't be able to care any less about what someone said. If they want to harass me, make me feel like shit over something, they'd do it. No questions asked. Not by them... Not by me. I let out a sigh, pocketing it again and crossing my arms over the table, resting my forehead on them. I don't even hear as the waitress comes back with our drinks, only noticing them when the rich scent of coffee hits my nostrils.


When I look up to see the drinks I also see Teag coming from the bathroom, and give her a weak smile. I hadn't really realized with all the excitement before just how tired I really am... "Hey, love..." I say softly, gesturing to the booth across from me. "I got water and coffee for both of us.. Is that okay?" I hoped she wouldn't be angry over me ordering for her... I know she used to be upset when I'd order her food that she didn't want, but drinks are different, right?

 

[Memster101]

(( I bet >< When's your last day again??))


I twitched my lip in an attempt to smile, sitting down across from her. My head was pounding fiercely now and I would have killed for a pair of sunglasses to shield against the harsh light of the day. "Yeah...That's fine," I murmured, wincing at the pain that still resided in my throat. For a moment I eyed the sugar and creamer packets that laid in a basket that was on the table, silently debating if I dared to try and use any of it. There was no way I could drink black coffee though. I'd never understood how anyone could, that stuff was foul. Eventually I grabbed a few of the sweet-and-low packets, tearing the tops off and pouring them in.


The empty papers set neatly in the corner, I picked up the knife from one of the tableware sets, using it to stir the coffee while I tried to brace myself for it. "Your parents' haven't messaged you or anything...have they?" I asked while I watched the coffee spin idly. Quickly, I realized this was a bad decision and turned my gaze back to Mir. Out of habit I plucked the knife out of the coffee and licked the liquid off, something that would have been a teasing gesture under usual circumstances, before setting it back down on the table. If they had, Mir didn't look nearly as upset as I would have expected her to be.


There was another question... How long would it be before Mir's parents started to cut her off? Stop paying for her phone bill, her doctor bills, everything. There was another reason to jump into Jess' business...There was no way Mir would be able to pay for it all unless she got a job or Rosaline and Lori decided to pay for it...something I sure Mir wouldn't even consider letting them do. Plus, I didn't see Mir being mentally sound enough for a while to even consider getting a job. A lot of decisions were going to be have to be made within the next few weeks...

 

[Zotohxan]

((Well, it's supposed to be tomorrow... But my boss keeps adamantly refusing to accept my resignation, so... I don't know what's going to happen, honestly.))


I stiffen a bit at Teag's question. Not because they had as she may suspect, but because I honestly just don't want to think of them at all... "Um, no.. It seems like they're actually doing what Rosaline and Lori said, which.. is shocking, but.. I'm grateful." I glance down at my own coffee, then reach over to grab the creamer. Even though I've always had a slight obsession with sweets, I've never really been a fan of sugar in my coffee.. Just makes it taste off to me.


Then my mind starts reeling back to my parents. Specifically, to what my father said to me... What Teagan heard him say. What he'd often say, but never really acted like he'd carry out... What he seemed more than ready to act on for the first time. "Um.." I say, keeping my head down. I know I should address this... I just, don't really know how. "About.. What my dad said..." I take in a deep breath, holding my coffee mug tight but not moving to drink it yet. "He.. He's said that before, and.. Stuff like it... But, he's never actually done it, so you shouldn't be worried about that... He just gets angry and says stupid stuff..."


I hope she buys it... I hope she doesn't see the way my entire body has started trembling, or the tears that've built in my eyes. I hope she doesn't hear the lie in my voice. No... He's never physically acted on his 'threats', but I can remember when he'd walk around the house practically naked... or fully so, and claim that he thought I was gone... A few times, it was actually his friends I'd catch in such ways. Once, one of them actually came into my room and laid on my bed, blackout drunk. I remember screaming and pushing him out of the bed, only for my father to come in without a shirt and wake the man up, carrying him out.


I swear the man is messed up... I wouldn't be surprised if he'd sent the man in then, to do what the man last week did... He was just too damn drunk to go through with it, much to my relief.

 

[Memster101]

(( What the??That's stupid...I wouldn't show up after tomorrow,even if he schedules you. Also, I'm going to call it a night. I hope you sleep well! ))

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah, that's probably what I'll do. ;w;


Good night! Hope you sleep well!))

 

[Memster101]

((Oh! Question, so could you tell me more about estrogen blockers? I tried looking them up but didn't get a lot of useful information.))


My eyes narrowed faintly at the lie and I dropped my gaze to my coffee before she could see the slightly annoyed expression. "It doesn't take a whole lot to go from saying stupid things to doing stupid things, Miranda." There had been one night when I had snuck over, back in my more daring and stupid days where I was stuck between still just wanting to get into Mir's pants and actually growing to love her, and Clark and some of his friends had been over. All of them were completely plastered, not an uncommon thing in the Carson house hold, and I had been unable to sleep because of all the commotion. Mir had been fast asleep, exhausted from our earlier ventures despite not actually having sex. Clark and one of the men had been walking through the hall, idly chattering about certain "hot tail" they had seen recently when they paused in front of Mir's door.


"You know who's a hot piece of ass, Clark?" The man had asked, his voice slurred and hard to understand. Mir's father had asked who and the man replied, "That fucking daughter of yours. Wew-wee. I'd take her for a spin around town if you know what I mean." Instead of being coming outraged and beating the man, Clark let out a hearty laugh. "Damn straight...The things I could do to her." Even back then I had known he was no runner up for Father of the Year, but never would I have expected that reaction... The rest of the night I had laid frozen in bed, terrified for Mir. Occasionally I'd still recall the memory and a shiver would run up my spine. I wondered if it was something I'd have to mention to Rosaline or Lori...


The waitress came back, seeing that Mir had been joined, and flicked her notepad open. "What can I get for you girls? We have some pretty mean omelets." I wanted to say nothing, but I knew Mir would make a big deal out of it and that was the last thing I wanted to deal with, especially with my throbbing head. "Uhm...I guess I'll just have a normal breakfast platter....Some scrambled eggs, toast, bacon..." I replied, figuring I could either pawn most of it off onto Mir or maybe even Rosaline or Lori. The girl quickly scrawled the items down and turned to Mir, cocking her head. "And for you?"

 

[Zotohxan]

((I don't know a whole lot about actual blockers... As I said, the one I was on was technically birth control... From what I know though, it's just an inter-muscular injection that you'd get monthly or bimonthly or so, and it'd block off estrogen. It wouldn't increase testosterone in the body, but it'd basically stop anymore 'female' growth, and stop periods as well.))


I flinch when Teag says my full name, and instantly I know she lied.. Sure he's never done anything, but I know he's come close... Especially when I've been home alone and asleep, which is why I'd suddenly started locking my door. I can't really remember the excuse I gave Teag when she got suspicious over that, but it seemed to have worked... I could never tell her the truth, though. That my father's friend came in drunk one night, Howard I think his name is, and he climbed into my bed behind me. His arms had wrapped around my body, and he started kissing my neck. I remember screaming and trying to get away, but he wouldn't let me. At least, not until another of my father's friends, who was somehow sober, came in and threw Howard to the ground. He told me it was a nightmare, to go back to sleep... But I know it wasn't.


"Oh, um.." I pull myself from those terrifying memories to see the waitress and hear Teag's order. Knowing there's no way she'd actually eat all that food if her body is going through another fit, as I know it is, I figure I'll just share the platter she'd gotten. "I'll just share hers. Thank you!" I tried to make my voice steady, tried as hard as I could... But, I was just so freaked out over the memories that kept on resurfacing... I can't believe I'd opened myself up to remembering all that, it was stupid...

 

[Memster101]

((Oohhh. So did you just take birth control continually or?))


The waitress nodded, smiling as she put the pencil within the spiral spine of the notebook. "Alright, ladies. We'll have that out right in a jiff." With that she turned on her heels, heading off to the back to hand off the ticket to the grill. I sipped at the coffee, tucking my ankles under the chair. "How do you think you'll do being around Rosaline and Lori? Like if I'm not able to come and see you for some reason or other...?" I chewed at my lip, pushing my later annoyance aside. From my experience, there had been times when Jess had been locked down the entire night or day selling, trying to get rid of her product in case the cops decided to stop by.


I hated that I would have to leave Mir alone, to be with Jess of all things, but in the end...it was for Mir. Things would better if I did this....It was this, or strip. And I wasn't sure many people would want to watch some boyish figure girl dance around half naked....And prostitution was out of the question... I could never do that to Mir.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, no.. it's called depo-provera, and it's a biweekly injection. It's covered by most insurance, too! *o*))


I frown a bit when Teag mentions that she may not be able to come see me. I mean, I know she has her own life and wouldn't just be able to drop everything for me, but it still hurt to hear it come out quite like that... "I mean, I'll be fine... I handled stuff by myself this last week, so.. if there's a day or two I can't see you, I'm sure they can help me.. Right..?" I try to smile to her, but I just can't manage... After the memories resurfacing of Dad and all his friends, of the man, of Mark and the guys... The idea of not being able to be around Teag practically 24/7 just hurts too bad.


"But.. Thank you for being with me through all this, love." I don't really know what else to say... I manage a small, legitimate smile, but... It doesn't last long before my lower lip is quivering again. I tightly shut my eyes and silently curse myself for being so emotional lately. I almost wish that I am pregnant so I can blame it on that, but even I know it wouldn't be kicking in this fast... I just hate to think anything I've been through could have effected me this much. I really hate it...