Our Secrets ((GxG))

[Memster101]

(( Cool :3 I'll have to ask my general practitioner ^^))


I nodded some, hoping that if that happened, the officers would be around to help Mir through her anxiety attack. I hated the idea of not being there with her...of leaving her alone. There were only a few times she hadn't been able to come and see me when I was having my own episode and that was because her parents were being well, her parents, or she had no way of getting to me. Of course...all of those times I had ran to Jess, which probably didn't say a whole lot about me. Swallowing some, I ran a hand through my hair and took in a deep breath. God this wasn't going to be a fun while. I saw Mir's eyes start to feel with tears again and took her hand, kissing the back of it.


"While we're at the hospital, we should probably see if we can get your inhaler refilled. You need to start keeping that on you..." I scolded gently, smoothing her hand against my cheek while still being able to kiss it. "I worry...What if you have an attack and I'm not there to help calm you down?" That was a very real possibility, especially considering my new activities that I'd be taking up most likely within the week. "I'm sure Rosaline and Lori know how to help...but we should probably talk to them about the things that help you calm down."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah ^-^


Oh, and I'm going to be at a friends house from tomorrow until Sunday. I'm not sure if I'll be able to get on during that time. ;w; ))


I pout a bit at Teag's scolding but then let out a short sigh and smile when she starts kissing and nuzzling against my hand. "You're too good for me." I say, just lowering my head a bit. "I mean... Honestly." I shake my head, then reach forward to grab her other hand and bring it to my own lips, kissing gently. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Teag.. And I'm so proud of you for coming as far as you have... With your recovery and everything, I mean. I know I give you a hard time about Jess, but that's because I hate her very being for trying to steal you away from me... I know she'd be much more to your liking, that you wouldn't be scolded so much and you would probably have way less stress in your life..." I kiss her hand again, leaving her palm against my lips as I continue speaking. "But.. You stay with me. And you only go to her when I'm too stupid to be around, so... Thank you.... Thank you for letting me trust you, and letting me love you."


I finally look up at her with a more genuine smile, squeezing her hand gently within my own. "I love you so much more than words could ever say... And I can never tell you just how much you mean to me, and..." I'm cut off by the tears starting to leak down my face, falling onto my love's palm. "You mean so much to me... Just thank you... For everything..."

 

[Memster101]

(( Oooh, fun! Any special plans or just hanging around??))


My heart clenched at her words, wondering if she'd still say the same things if she knew what I was planning. How could she? I was technically going to go behind her back... And what did I say when she asked me about where all the money was coming from? It would be so hard not to get hooked back on the pot, or whatever else Jess had me sale... What would I do then if I did? I hated to think about just how disappointed she would be in me... Hell, how disappointed Lori and Rosaline would be...My eyebrows drew up together in anxiety and I could only hope she took it for being lost for words to what she was saying. It was very sweet...and amazing. God if I managed not to fuck this up...There truly might be a God. When she started to tear up, I gently wiped away her tears, my expression softening. "You know the exact thing applies to you, Mir," I murmured, leaning over the table to kiss the corner of her mouth. I wasn't sure if my mouth was still nasty from my little attack.


When I sat back down, I left our fingers laced together, gently rubbing my thumb over the backs of her knuckles. I was about to bring up the money fact, curious to what she was thinking, but just then the waitress came back with our food. The tray she had it balanced on in one hand and with the other she started to pass out the plates, having separated it knowing that we were sharing. "Well, can I get you girls anything else?" She asked, tucking the now empty tray under her arm. "No thanks..." I gave her a parting smile and she nodded, giving one of her own before scampering off to another table. Glancing down at the food, my stomach gave a timid rumble, seemingly confused if it should be hungry or nauseous again at the fumes coming off it.


A frown touched my lips and I pushed the plate towards Mir, snagging the toast to pick at. I tore a little piece off, slowly putting it into my mouth and chewing it for awhile. Once I was fairly sure that I wasn't going to instantly throw up again, I swallowed. Now that the waitress was gone, I could bring up my question... "You know that when your parents' rights are taken away... they won't pay for your phone bill or anything else...right?" I asked, idly smooshing at the bread while I waited to see what my stomach did with what I had just put it in.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Just hanging around, probably.. We may play video games or something, but that'll probably be about it.


God I've just become braindead.. I apologize for this reply. x.x))


I can't help but smile again at Teag when she kisses me. Even though I could still tell there was a faint bit of leftover from her nauseous trip, it was still nice...Only because it was her lips, of course. Anyone else I would've pushed away and gagged, even if it was a bit of an over reaction. My girlfriend is the only one I'd ever allow to kiss me with pukey lips. Even if it's still pretty gross...


When the waitress comes I smile to her and shake my head while Teag answers her verbally. She seemed nice enough... I feel like I 'should've' been afraid of her as well, like I should be afraid of everyone... And it's rather strange that I'm not. I don't really understand it, but... Whatever.


Teag's question catches me a bit off guard, though... "Of course I know that..." I almost felt offended that she'd think I didn't know... Though, deep down I know that's only an over reaction. "But, it's not that big a deal..." I shrug, picking up my fork and taking a bite of egg. After swallowing I speak again, my stomach groaning happily at the food it's received. "I thought I'd told you before... But you might've been high-" I didn't mean that to sound as accusatory as it probably did, it was just an observation I'd made in the moment. "-but, when my grandparents died.. They left me a bunch of money. It's in an account that only I can access, and they set for me to be able to when I turned 16. I've never touched any of it, but I've been putting money in from Christmas and birthdays, as well as babysitting, ever since I was about ten. I've got around fifteen or so thousand in there.." I blush a bit. I hadn't planned on telling her the next part for awhile longer, but.. I figure now must be as good a time as any. "Actually... Before all.. This, I'd been planning on getting a job and putting my paychecks in as well... And by the time we both turned 18, I was going to buy us a house somewhere near the university we want to go to..."

 

[Memster101]

(( That sounds fun? xD All my friends and I ever do usually is just drive around...and depending on the friend I usually end up getting high >> I'm such a home body and there's nothing to do in Utah so xD Maybe now that I won't have to deal with my job I'll go on some hikes and such by myself in the mornings or somethin >> and it's not bad! ))


My eyes narrowed faintly at the accusation and I dropped my gaze to the somewhat flattened bread. Though while it was probably true...That didn't hurt any less to hear it come from her mouth. Shifting in my seat, I unlaced our hands to tear off another small piece, but made no move other than to squish it further into a little ball. I blinked some at the statement, raising my eyes back to her. While I had known she was saving money, I'd never thought it'd be even close to that amount. After a moment or two I found my voice. "An apartment will be cheaper..." I murmured, setting the main piece of toast down on a napkin to further squish at the ball. I felt irritated with myself, not really a new feeling. While I had been fucking around, Mir had been patiently saving up money. Even if it was before we had even met, it still angered me to realize just how much of my life I'd been wasting.


I leaned back in the seat, staring moodily at my bread ball, as I thought. Throughout highschool, Mir had been fairly close to a straight A student. Not only could she get all the scholarships she wanted, especially once she was emancipated, but she had the money apparently to do it too. Unlike me...At least with the majority of my highschool experience, I had been lucky to pass my classes. Things had gotten considerably better since Mir and I got together, but by then, my GPA was too wrecked to get me much of anywhere. There was most likely no way I'd ever get a scholarship for anything and I definitely didn't have the money or the grades to get into college. What Mir didn't know is I had no plan on going to college, at least not for a long while. So while Mir went to school...I'd probably be working my ass off at some half-rate job...or selling.


Even being the moochy, ex-druggy, I was I was too proud to let Mir buy much of anything for me, let alone a home. We had always fought over her letting me buy stuff, even on important things like anniversaries or birthdays...so this wasn't going to go well at all. "If we end up buying anything, you're not buying it all. We're going to go half...if that," I stated, not bothering to look up at her. "I'm not going to let you pay for everything...Lord knows I've let you done it far too long and far too much."

 

[Zotohxan]

((That'd be nice. -w- If she were coming to my house we'd probably go hiking, but to my knowledge, there's no where really to go out at her place. ))


I let out a sigh at Teag's reaction, shaking my head just a bit. I didn't like when she'd pulled her hands back, as it honestly sort of felt like her pulling away from me in general... But I know that's stupid... She wouldn't be upset with me over that, would she?


"Teag, I... I just don't want you to feel as if you've got to do anything... Regrettable in order to pay 'half' or whatever..." I lower my head, knowing she probably wouldn't like my choice of words. "I love you. And we're going to be married someday anyway, so.. Why not start with 'what's mine is yours' now? We already do it with clothes and basically everything else, so.." I trail off, still not looking up at her. My hands fidget under the table and I don't notice when my nails start faintly scraping at the bandage Teag had but on my cut earlier.


Before I know it I'd scratched it open again, making me wince in pain. My hands jump apart and I hope Teag doesn't notice... I quickly lift my hand to take another bite of the food before me, ignoring the throbbing in my hand as it moves.

 

[Memster101]

(( I feel you >< Oh! What did your boss say about work??))


I set the little bread ball inside another napkin, which I smooshed up even more before setting it off to the side. Trying another little bite of bread, I let it mull around in my mouth a few moments before swallowing. "Even at that, I plan on splitting the rent in half...food, etc. It's only fair," I replied, resting my cheek in my hand. "It's just not something I'm okay with...I don't know why, but I want you to spend your money on you...You've got at future." I shook my head, my hand smoothing from my cheek to the bridge of my nose to pinch there against the headache that was starting to form. My eyes flicked up when I saw her wince and a frown touched my mouth.


"How's your wrist?" I asked her, trying to be nonchalant about it. The bandage on her wrist was somewhat ripped, whether it being from her or her earlier account with Clark, I didn't know. "Another thing we should probably do while we're there is have them stitch that up...It'll heal faster." Today was sure going to be a busy day...I'd be glad when we got home and I could finally take a bath and/or just go to sleep.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aha, funny story... Basically this is what happened-

Spoiler

Today started out as one of my bad days.. Meaning I was incredibly depressed right off the bat, and my anxiety was already skyrocketing. Well by being at work for about an hour, I was already trembling so bad that a customer had asked me if I was okay. I then found out we were having some sort of corporate(?) inspection today,and asked my boss to call someone in to replace me. I told him I'd stay there until they got there, but I wouldn't be able to handle being there with all that stress. Long story short he lied and said he'd find someone to call, yelled at me when I asked about 30 minutes later if he'd found anyone. I ended up having a massive breakdown(spotty vision, trembling, sobbing, hiding in the back room) for about 15 minutes before being called up by my boss and he started ranting and yelling at me for being 'immature', and kept telling me how I had to 'act okay' and said I wasn't even trying. Which only made my breakdown that much worse. In the end he kept saying how he couldn't run a business with someone like me so I said "This is why I've been trying to quit!" And he just said, "Fine then! Just fucking quit!" So I nodded, clocked out, and left without another word to anyone.

Short version? I'm no longer working there after having a massive breakdown and having my boss yell and curse excessively at me.))


I sigh when Teag insists upon helping me to pay or everything, but just nod in agreement. I don't really think I have the mental strength at the moment to argue anymore.. And I don't want to, really. I just want to enjoy a little while with my girlfriend. Today has been pretty awful all around, and I just want a few minutes where she and I can be happy together... But I don't get that right now, because I'd tipped her off to my wrist.


I wince at her mention of it, lowering my head a bit more as more tears fill my eyes. I feel more than ashamed to have hurt myself like this... Especially after seeing Teag's struggle. It was stupid... But, it was a last resort. Does that really make it any better, though? I mean.. Even though right now I don't see ever feeling that hopeless again, whose to say it won't happen one one of these days Teag sees herself unable to come to me? What if it's late at night and I wake up from a nightmare? What if I can't calm myself down, and it becomes a last resort again?


I hate this... Feeling so victimized by a piece of freaking metal. It's not right... And I hate myself for ever pressing that blade against my skin, I don't understand how Teag doesn't hate me as well... She stopped for me... And for herself as well obviously, as that was my intention to get her to stop... But she always says how it was for me. Yet here I was, feeling sorry for myself and getting afraid over stupid things, and I did the very thing she'd fought so hard against.. The thing I helped her fight against, the thing I saw her cry over.. I watched as she relapsed back into cutting, back into drugs and alcohol to have some sort of release aside from the blood one she'd create. I can't believe I was so weak...


Without noticing it, I'd pulled my wounded wrist against my chest and started whispering apology after apology, hunching over the table just slightly. God, how broken would I have to appear before the universe is through punishing me for...Whatever?

 

[Memster101]

(( Oh shit =/ Well I'm glad you got out of there...He sounds like a fucking dick. Are you doing any better now?))


I dropped my eyes back to the bread when I heard her start to mumble apologies, wishing she would stop. At least when I had cut... I had owned up to it. Sure...cried like a little baby, but eventually sucked it up. Even now I'd never promise not to cut, knowing it was one I couldn't keep. "We'll get it stitched up and that'll be the end of it," I finally said after a moment or two, deciding I was done with the toast. Instead of picking at it, I just settled on smooshing it now, suddenly wanting to just go home and curl up in bed. I wanted to get away from it all...from Mir as horrible as it sounded, for just a second. Long enough that I could cry my eyes out, hit a few things, maybe even cut or get high. Or even all of the above really. It was all I could do to hide the anxiety that was building up inside of me from her and I hated that I felt that way.


Pulling out my phone, I glanced at the time. It had been a little over a half an hour since we'd left the station and I wondered how long it would be until Rosaline and Lori were off. Chewing at my lip, I pulled up Jess' number, making sure to angel my phone so that Mir couldn't see who I was messaging. Unfortunately, keeping a straight face was something I was very good at, and this was what I did while I texted Jess. I asked her if she was free tonight to go smoke some, figuring I could sneak out while Mir slept, or even just meet her outside and take it back inside. My thumb rubbed between the send and delete button, wondering if I could really commit to this. It turned out... I could. The message sent, I turned my phone off and resumed my punishment of the bread.

 

[Zotohxan]

((thanks, I'm pretty glad too... He's not usually that bad, but he has his moments. x.x And I am. I got to talk to one of my friends and she helped me to feel a bit better. ^-^


Unfortunately.. I must now call it a night. I took some medicine earlier and it's kicking my ass xD So, good night, hope you sleep well! c: ))

 

[Memster101]

((That's good And you too! Hope you sleep well!))

 

[Zotohxan]

((Hope you have a good day~ -w-))


At hearing Teag's words I abruptly stop my apologies, suddenly feeling like I was just annoying her. Though the tears continued to fall down my face, I don't raise my head or make another sound. I try taking deep breaths to calm myself but it doesn't seem to be working, at least.. Not until my phone vibrates in my pocket, making me gasp and jump a bit in shock. It only takes me a moment to realize what it is and I hastily pull it out, furrowing my brows at the unknown number. "I-I think it's Rosaline and Lori.." I say softly before hitting the green answer button.


"Hello?"


"Miranda?" The voice sounded familiar, but distorted, the way phones seem to do.


"Yes?"


"It's Rosaline, we're in the red car right outside the cafe if you two would like to come on out, and we'll get you over to the hospital."


"O-Okay.. Thank you." I then hang up and quickly wipe the tears away from my face before looking up at Teag, "They're in the car right outside..." I then lower my head again as I head up to the front to pay for our food, then wait for my girlfriend by the door.

 

[Memster101]

((Mine isn't starting out too great but it's all good. I hope you have fun at your friends!))


I sighed when I realized I had upset Mir even more and waited a moment or two before following after to the door. I caught her hand and gently pressed a kiss to her lips, hoping that the mix of gum, coffee, and toast had more or less killed the taste of bile. "I love you..." I murmured softly, squeezing her hand. "Don't forever forget that..." We left the cafe and entered the cool winter day once more and stood for a moment or two, trying to locate the car. There were a few red cars out an about in the parking lot, but only one that was idling, so I led Mir over to that, waving some.


"Did you girls get something to eat?" Lori asked when we piled into the back seat. turning around some to smile at us. I nodded, returning the smile some. "Yep, all good and full." Nodding approvingly, the raven-haired woman turned back around and I closed the door so we could head off. It took a conscious effort for me to buckle my seat belt, knowing there was no way in hell I'd have gotten away with not wearing it, and squirmed uncomfortably, giving it light tugs as Rosaline pulled away from the parking lot and onto the street.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, I'm sorry.. I hope yesterday got better, and today has been good! ;w; and I am -w-))


I didn't have time to respond to Teag inside the cafe, so once we were buckled and on the way towards the hospital I just squeeze her hand and lean over, resting my head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm such a nuisance..." My voice is soft, but I know she heard me. I hate the weakness in my voice, but sadly. I feel as if it'll be there for awhile. "Thank you for not leaving me, love..."


I had the urge to tell her she could just leave when we get to the hospital, but I really don't think I'd be able to handle it... But, either way... It's not all about me. Yeah matters most to me right now, and she's obviously not up for all this. So instead, I just lean forward a bit and speak to Rosaline and Lori. "When we get to the hospital.. Could one of you come with me, and the other take Teagan back home? She needs to get some rest..." 'And deserves some time away from me,' I add to myself, but don't dare voice it in fear of everyone's reactions.

 

[Memster101]

(( It was a little better Today wasn't all that great >< And that's great! I'm glad you're having fun! ))


I shook my head, not wanting to argue about it, gently smoothing my hand against her head. "I love you, darling. " I murmured, wrapping my arm around her shoulder. I blinked in confusion when she leaned forward, dropping my arm to her waist so she could do so. My eyes narrowed at her suggestion and I shook my head quickly, but wouldn't pretend I felt some relief at the suggestion.I sort of hated myself for that. "Don't you dare turn around," I said, turning Mir towards me. "It's nothing I can't stave off for a few more hours and there's no way I'm letting you do this alone...I don't want you to have another moment like you had this last week, do you hear me?"


I pulled her close, smoothing her hair down gently and buried my face into the cherry locks. "I'm staying, whether you like it or not. I want to make sure we get all the things we talked about done anyways..."

 

[Zotohxan]

((Gaah, I hope you're doing well now! ;-; ))


I lower my head, not saying anything in response as I just lean against my girlfriend's shoulder. I don't really know what to say... I just know.. Soon enough she's going to realize I'm just flat out not worth the trouble, and she's going to leave me. And I won't blame her at all... I just hope that when she does, she can keep herself clean. Won't go out and hang with Jess all the time to hurt herself, but I've got a sneaking suspicion that's exactly what she'll do. hell, I've got this horrible pit in my stomach which says the moment I'm not around her even tonight she'll run off to Jess.


Is it bad that I can't even find the strength to stop her? I feel horrible... Everything that's happened... I just feel so drained, if I could just pass out right now and go into a coma or something for years, I'd be perfectly content. It feels hard to worry about Teag right now, and I hate that. She's my girlfriend, and I want her to be safe and happy, but right now... I don't even have the strength to sit up on my own, none the less stop her from going to the girl she cheats on me with...


That thought hardly even hurts right now. The closer we get to the hospital, the more numb I feel. I already know... I don't need the stupid test, I'm pregnant. Why else would all this be happening? I don't see any other option... I'm pregnant, Teag is going to try to stay with me, but every chance she gets she'll go running to Jess. They'll get high and drunk and they'll have sex all night, then my girlfriend will sneak back home and lay next to me like nothing happened. That's what she always does... Sometimes she tells me about it, but other times I have to find out from the random hickies around her body even she doesn't know she has. Er, well... Doesn't remember getting.


I don't realize as tears start falling down my face all over again, and I hate myself for snuggling more against Teag in search of comfort... I shouldn't love her. I really, really shouldn't. She puts herself into positions to cheat on me, knowing that seven times out of ten she won't stop it. That sometimes, she'll initiate it. She hurts herself by putting all those drugs into her body, and still does all this even though she knows how bad it hurts me... I shouldn't love her. I should want to leave her as fast as possible, but I don't. I do love her, and I don't want her to leave... She's the only person who's ever understood me, or at least tried. She's really my only friend, and I need her. Even if she has Jess, and doesn't need me.

 

[Memster101]

(( I'm doing okay. How was your sleepover??))


Thankfully, Rosaline listened to me and didn't make any attempts to bring me back to the school for my car. A glance at the time assured me I was still safe from being towed for a good while, but I'd be stressing about it on our way back from the doctor's office. I held her closer when I noticed her starting to cry, gently wiping away her tears with my thumb. The closer we got to the hospital, the more I'd wished I had let the officers drop me off. I What if I couldn't handle the news? There would be no time for me to work through how I felt because Mir was coming home with me. Sure, I could call Jess and get drunk, do all of those things I had contemplated, but then what would happen when Mir woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack? Would I be able to hide whatever I was on from her? It would be unfair of me to not give her my full attention, especially with what she was going through...I just didn't think I could do it...


By the time we pulled into the hospital parking lot, my heart was pounding away in my chest and I was having issues keeping my breath at a regular pace. I kissed Mir's head before we all got out of the car, meeting her on the other side to take her hand. "So do we just walk in and say we need to have an ultrasound or something done?" I asked, a frown touching my lips. I honestly had no idea what went into all of this. Normally you'd just take a home one...but this might be a different case. They had to scan for STDs probably...things of the like. My free hand found its way to the bridge of my nose and pinched there in one of my useless attempts at keeping the already horrendous headache at bay.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Good! ^-^


And it was awesome! x3 We pretty much just took a bunch of walks and dressed up with random costumes. ))


Rosaline gets out and locks the car, walking to Lori's side and taking her wife's hand while smiling sadly to Teag and I. "We already called and told them we'd be coming. They got a private room set up... They're going to take some blood, a urine sample, they'll have to do a vaginal ultrasound as well as a pelvic one, and they're also going to have to do a vaginal exam; which is actually going to be their first step."


By the end of Rosaline telling me everything they're going to do, I'm trembling horribly and the tears just simply won't stop. "I don't wanna do this..." I whimper, hiding a bit behind my girlfriend. I know I'm probably being immature and clingy, but... This whole thing terrifies me to no end. I don't want to be here, I don't want to have anyone look down there, I don't want them touching down there, or putting anything in there. I just want to go home... To cuddle into my Teag's arms and pretend that none of this is happening. Why can't I just do that?

 

[Memster101]

(( That's fun! Just for fun or are you trying to figure out halloween costumes??))


By the end of Rosaline's speech even I was feeling completely awful about the endeavor. Under normal circumstances I'd be uncomfortable with the process, but I could imagine what Mir was feeling with what had happened to her. Lori smiled almost as equally as sad as Rosaline, smoothing a hand through her hair. "I know it's scary and this is the last thing you want to do, Miranda...but the sooner you get it over with, the least time you'll have to worry about it. We made sure to call in a female doctor to do all the tests and informed them that they should remove any males from the areas you'll be in, to the best of their abilities at least...These women who will do your tests will do it with the utmost care and empathy. Both Rosaline and I will be right outside of the room and Teagan will be allowed to come in with you if that's what you want. We could also come in, but understand if you'd rather we not."


I chewed at my lip some as Lori spoke, glancing back at Mir before gently pulling her into my side so she wasn't so vulnerable to the elements and people walking around. "I'll be there with you every step of the way, Mir. I'll make sure that the doctors give you some time if you need it and that no one hurts you. You're going to get through this...I'm right here with you and I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you," I promised, gently brushing her hair from her face and attempting to wipe the constant stream of tears away.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Aah, no. It was just for fun, as neither of us are really going to get to do anything much for Halloween. x3))


I nod, appreciating everything the three were saying and doing to try and help me through this, but... It doesn't make the fear and pain any less... I just wrap my arms around Teag and gesture toward the huge building in front of us, already anticipating the horrid sterile smell and whiteness everywhere. Even though I didn't spend a lot of time in these places as a child, I still hate them... I always have. "Let's go then, I guess..."


I absolutely hate how weak my voice sounds, and how badly I'm still trembling. Rosaline still holds Lori's hand as they lead us into the hospital, the sliding doors moving aside to let us in, and instantly the smell of chemicals and illness hits me like a ton of bricks. I choke up a bit, having to pause in my walking before I can head off again. I glance over at Teag, feeling bad that she had to be in here with me.. She should've just let them take her back to her car. She's going to resent me now, especially if I am pregnant. It'll be a child coming at a time we're not ready, a child she'll in no way want... But a child I can't just get rid of. So, she'll get rid of me, I just know it.


"I love you..." I whisper to her, desperately wanting her to stay with me, regardless. "I love you so fucking much." With that I surprise even myself, as I've never been one for cursing much... Especially not such harsh words. But right now, I just really want my girlfriend to know how I feel... Distantly I can hear Rosaline telling the nurse who I am and what I'm here for. I see the brunette giving me a sad smile before picking up the phone before her and calling someone, but I'm too faded out in my own panic to pay anymore attention... The next thing I know we're walking again, walking back toward what I suspect is this 'private room' Rosaline mentioned...

 

[Memster101]

(( Oooh, that's fun still And how come? Just nothing going on or? ))


As we walked, I drew Mir even more into my side, despite how difficult it made it to walk. I wasn't the biggest fan of hospitals either, because unlike Mir, I had spent a lot of time in them when I was younger. Before Mir and I had met the morning of the vomiting incident, I had tried numerous times to take my life... Aside from the fact that I wasn't really mentally there most days during school, I was then not physically there either. In total from all my visits, I had spent upwards of half a year on suicide watch, seventy-two hour holds, and in-patient care. And it had all been in this hospital, expect for the in-patient care... Pressing a kiss to Mir's temple, I tried to keep my emotions at bay, not wanting her to have to stress over anything more that she had to worry about. Maybe during something that wasn't too scary, like the blood or urine test, I'd go outside for a smoke or hurry to go get Mir's inhaler refilled.


My eyes widened some when Mir swore and I swallowed some, smoothing my hand against her hair. While swearing, especially the cruder words, were like a second langue to me, Mir hardly ever swore. "I love you too, Mir...more than anything," I murmured back, giving her a brief hug before we entered the 'private room.' It looked different than any rooms I had ever been in, but there was a bed with some holders to place your feet in for the vaginal exam, along with an ultrasound machine. I swallowed and squeezed Mir gently, eyeing the brunette woman who sat next to the bed. She couldn't have been much older than Lori or Rosaline, but her face was soft and compassionate. Even if it was a very unfortunate event, it seemed like a daily routine to her.


Standing up, the woman took the few steps to be within hand shaking distance to us. "Hello, I'm Dr. Callaghan. I'll be doing the majority of your tests today..." She greeted, holding her hand out. I briefly shook it, introducing myself, before letting her turn her attention to Mir. "And you are?" Her voice was gentle, but prompting. It reminded me of being wrapped up in a warm blanket or being held by your parents when you were little and sick. I hoped this would help Mir through the torture she was about to go through.

 

[Memster101]

(( Allo??))

 

[Zotohxan]

((Yeah, there's really nothing around here. x3


What're you doing for Halloween? o: ))


Even though the woman's voice was fairly comforting, it did nothing for me as I saw the machines all around. I hold myself a bit closer to Teag then reach out and weakly shake her hand, "My name is Miranda Carson..." I quickly bring my hand back down, feeling a bit uncomfortable even by the doctor.


"Miranda, sweetie, why don't you go ahead and sit down while we let the doctor explain everything a bit more?" It was Rosaline who suggested it and even though I didn't really want to hear anymore, I know it'd be better than just going into all this practically blind... "Alright..." I pull Teag along with me, selfishly not wanting to be alone right now. I know this is hard for her, too... All of it, especially being back in this hospital, but.. I just need her right now. I'll have to do something really special for her to make up for all of this.


I move to sit sideways on the little bed with the stirrups, and watch as Rosaline and Lori introduce themselves as well to the doctor. Thankfully they're allowed to stay in the room as long as I'm comfortable. I think that I want Teag with me the whole time, but for the stuff where I'll be... Exposed, I'm probably going to ask the older women to leave. It's not that I don't trust them, because I do, but... it'd be horribly awkward for me.

 

[Memster101]

((Uhmm. I don't think I'll be doing a whole lot. I went to a party last night and my coworkers might be doing one but I'm not sure if that's on Halloween or not... xD I'll probably do nothing >> ))


"Pleasure to meet you, go ahead and take a seat on the bed while I explain everything," Dr. Callaghan offered, gesturing towards it. I lead Mir over to the bed, helping her up onto it while I leaned back against it, on hand gently resting on her thigh. Lori and Rosaline took a seat on some of the chairs that lined the room, taking each others' hands. "So, we'll have to go through a few things today, which I'm sure you're aware of...We'll do a general physical to make sure that you weren't harmed- aside from whatever damage may have obtained during the rape-, an ultrasound to see if there's any signs of pregnancy yet, blood and urine tests, and of course...a vaginal exam just to make sure there wasn't any extensive harm..." As she said this, the doctor kept her tone soft and her hands clasped lightly in her lap.


"And if you want, Miranda, we can get the exam over with right now. Of course, if you'd rather wait, that's fine too." I looked over at Mir, smoothing her hair back from her face. I knew that all of us waiting for her decision would probably make her anxiety worse, but it wasn't one I could make for her. "Before we do any of that though, I'll need you to change into one of the hospital gowns, just to make everything a lot easier for us." A frown touched my lips at the thought of having to have her so exposed to the elements, but there was no way of getting around it really.

 

[Zotohxan]

((Doing nothing on Halloween sucks. x'D It's my favourite holiday, and yet I haven't been able to do anything for the past several years... ;w; ))


I nod slowly, hardly even conscious to the decision I'm making as I take the gown from the doctor and turn to look at Teag, my eyes asking her silently what my lips can't seem to form the words for. I want her to help me... Thinking about all this, it's making it hard for me to even move... I feel like I if I say anything, or move too much, my composure will crack wide open and I'll be left a sobbing, broken mess like I was this last week without my girlfriend, like I was when she found me.


I walk toward the corner sectioned off with a curtain and wait for Teag to hopefully understand what I was asking and follow me. Even though we're all women out there, I still can't say that I feel particularly comfortable undressing and baring everything to strangers. Even though I'll be doing essentially that when the doctor does the exam, I just... I don't know... I just want to go home. I want to pretend like none of this ever happened, and continue being happy with Teagan. If only it could be that way...