Beta
RPN's Most Hated
Way to use epic foreshadowing.Wiseman said:
Naruto: Contract for Outcasts OOC
- Thread starter Wiseman
- Start date
TagochiRein
Member
I see. I'm finishing my new character sheet. I'll post soon
HaruAketchi
The Scales
Name: Yuki Aburame
Nickname/Alias: Swarming Death
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Height:5,9
Sexuality: He has no preference, he will sleep with anyone for the sake of science.
Village of origin: Leaf
Former Clan/Bloodline: Aburame
Former Position: Scientist
Chakra Nature: Fire, Earth
Specialty: Yuki is a very defensive fighter, he rarely uses his hands always relying on his bugs or ninjutsu to fill the gap. he is not very skilled at taijutsu. he is moderate in genjutsu. he often uses his bugs to surround himself in order to block any oncoming attacks. He also has an extremely large chakra pool, filling in his little to no knowledge of taijutsu.
Appearance: He has shoulder length grey hair. its not very visible because he wears a long (dark grey) trench coat that drags along the ground. it has a hood and he is rarely seen without it. the sleeves of his coat extend just below the middle of his thumbs. his face is not visible due to the shadow cast by his hood. his pants are a dark black and his shirt is white, (only visible when he removes the cloak.) he wears this cloak to conceal his bugs. he has on circular prescription glasses.
Personality: Yuki has a very unique personality. he is not one to barge in to affairs that are not his own. he is very observant and not talkative whatsoever. most people would consider him strange or insane but he disagrees. he is always observing others and adding his findings to his journal. so in short, he is very judgmental.
History:
yuki was born in a back alley within the leaf village. his parents abandoned him and to this day he doesnt know who they are, the only remnant he has of them is the nest of bugs that he inherited from them, and a note with his name on it. it wasnt long before he was discovered by someone and taken to the aburame clan. no one wanted to take him in, most people had enough grief with the ninja war and their own families. then someone stepped up, it was a very elderly man in about his sixties. "give me the boy, ill make sure hes taken care of." and from that day yuki had something he could call a family. once yuki was able to speak and understand words the old man made it clear that he wasnt yuki's father, and let him know of the true story. the man began training yuki very early in his childhood. to ensure that he knew how to use his insects, and wasnt eaten alive by them. but even then yuki hated fighting.
when he first started out in the ninja academy he wasnt very fond of battle, and instead of fighting with his bugs he would just talk to them. he was picked on by the other students, until one day... he was surrounded by his childhood oppressors, and by this time he'd endured years of their torture. he had failed the chunin exams 6 times and no one knew of his potential. the other children began throwing rocks at him and calling him names, "bug boy!" "cockroach!" was what he kept hearing. after a couple minutes of this he decided enough was enough. he fell to his knees in agony, writhing from all of the built up emotional distress. he let out a shriek of anger and pain then in an instant his enemies were coated in a thick layer of insects; the skin being picked off of their bones. he enjoyed their screams, took pleasure in their pain, and in a matter of seconds all that remained were their barren skeletons. a demented smile stretched across his face. he just sat there, rocking back and forth, laughing. night fell and the old man went looking for him. "yuki, yuki?" he found him, and wasnt suprised at all of what he did. the man knew yuki was being picked on, for not fighting, for not having parents, and for being flat out weird. the old man hid the bodies, not blaming yuki at all for what happened. the genin were reported missing, but their bodies were never discovered.
he grew into his adulthood still being a genin. soon enough the officials took interest in his obsession with dead beings. he was offered a spot with the scientist of the leaf village and eagerly accepted. he worked in harmony with his fellow scientists and even thought he had made some new freinds, until someone brought up that incident. he lost it, his bugs went wild devouring all of their living tissue and leaving lifeless corpses in its place. when the anbu black ops arrived he was sitting in the middle of the lab adoring his bugs as they crawled up and down his arms. "why yuki?!!" he was asked as he was presented to the hokage to receive judgement. "its just and experiment.....and you all are the test subjects..." yuki let out a sinister laugh then grew quiet once again. this statement angered the hokage. "you will face execution in the morning tommorow. i front of the whole village!!" yuki accepted his fate with no remorse, he had nothing to live for anyway.
it was later that night when yuki someone walking down the halls of the prison. the man wore a long, hooded dark cloak. there were bugs swarming around him, and yuki knew exactly who it was. it was the old man, and he was an elder in the aburame clan, and being one of the four noble families it wasnt hard to get Clearance to the prison. the old man stretched his hand out and touched the cell door. in an instant the kichaku were swarming gate, eating away at the metal. soon enough the door fell with a loud thud. "theyll be coming soon." the old man said. "yuki always remember.." he said as he took the coat off. "when no one else loves you....i do." he threw the cloak onto yuki then dispersed into a swarm of bugs and flew away. yuki embraced the coat for a moment then put it on. he quickly escaped the prison, fleeing from the village.
Theme Song: [media]
Nickname/Alias: Swarming Death
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Height:5,9
Sexuality: He has no preference, he will sleep with anyone for the sake of science.
Village of origin: Leaf
Former Clan/Bloodline: Aburame
Former Position: Scientist
Chakra Nature: Fire, Earth
Specialty: Yuki is a very defensive fighter, he rarely uses his hands always relying on his bugs or ninjutsu to fill the gap. he is not very skilled at taijutsu. he is moderate in genjutsu. he often uses his bugs to surround himself in order to block any oncoming attacks. He also has an extremely large chakra pool, filling in his little to no knowledge of taijutsu.
Appearance: He has shoulder length grey hair. its not very visible because he wears a long (dark grey) trench coat that drags along the ground. it has a hood and he is rarely seen without it. the sleeves of his coat extend just below the middle of his thumbs. his face is not visible due to the shadow cast by his hood. his pants are a dark black and his shirt is white, (only visible when he removes the cloak.) he wears this cloak to conceal his bugs. he has on circular prescription glasses.
Personality: Yuki has a very unique personality. he is not one to barge in to affairs that are not his own. he is very observant and not talkative whatsoever. most people would consider him strange or insane but he disagrees. he is always observing others and adding his findings to his journal. so in short, he is very judgmental.
History:
yuki was born in a back alley within the leaf village. his parents abandoned him and to this day he doesnt know who they are, the only remnant he has of them is the nest of bugs that he inherited from them, and a note with his name on it. it wasnt long before he was discovered by someone and taken to the aburame clan. no one wanted to take him in, most people had enough grief with the ninja war and their own families. then someone stepped up, it was a very elderly man in about his sixties. "give me the boy, ill make sure hes taken care of." and from that day yuki had something he could call a family. once yuki was able to speak and understand words the old man made it clear that he wasnt yuki's father, and let him know of the true story. the man began training yuki very early in his childhood. to ensure that he knew how to use his insects, and wasnt eaten alive by them. but even then yuki hated fighting.
when he first started out in the ninja academy he wasnt very fond of battle, and instead of fighting with his bugs he would just talk to them. he was picked on by the other students, until one day... he was surrounded by his childhood oppressors, and by this time he'd endured years of their torture. he had failed the chunin exams 6 times and no one knew of his potential. the other children began throwing rocks at him and calling him names, "bug boy!" "cockroach!" was what he kept hearing. after a couple minutes of this he decided enough was enough. he fell to his knees in agony, writhing from all of the built up emotional distress. he let out a shriek of anger and pain then in an instant his enemies were coated in a thick layer of insects; the skin being picked off of their bones. he enjoyed their screams, took pleasure in their pain, and in a matter of seconds all that remained were their barren skeletons. a demented smile stretched across his face. he just sat there, rocking back and forth, laughing. night fell and the old man went looking for him. "yuki, yuki?" he found him, and wasnt suprised at all of what he did. the man knew yuki was being picked on, for not fighting, for not having parents, and for being flat out weird. the old man hid the bodies, not blaming yuki at all for what happened. the genin were reported missing, but their bodies were never discovered.
he grew into his adulthood still being a genin. soon enough the officials took interest in his obsession with dead beings. he was offered a spot with the scientist of the leaf village and eagerly accepted. he worked in harmony with his fellow scientists and even thought he had made some new freinds, until someone brought up that incident. he lost it, his bugs went wild devouring all of their living tissue and leaving lifeless corpses in its place. when the anbu black ops arrived he was sitting in the middle of the lab adoring his bugs as they crawled up and down his arms. "why yuki?!!" he was asked as he was presented to the hokage to receive judgement. "its just and experiment.....and you all are the test subjects..." yuki let out a sinister laugh then grew quiet once again. this statement angered the hokage. "you will face execution in the morning tommorow. i front of the whole village!!" yuki accepted his fate with no remorse, he had nothing to live for anyway.
it was later that night when yuki someone walking down the halls of the prison. the man wore a long, hooded dark cloak. there were bugs swarming around him, and yuki knew exactly who it was. it was the old man, and he was an elder in the aburame clan, and being one of the four noble families it wasnt hard to get Clearance to the prison. the old man stretched his hand out and touched the cell door. in an instant the kichaku were swarming gate, eating away at the metal. soon enough the door fell with a loud thud. "theyll be coming soon." the old man said. "yuki always remember.." he said as he took the coat off. "when no one else loves you....i do." he threw the cloak onto yuki then dispersed into a swarm of bugs and flew away. yuki embraced the coat for a moment then put it on. he quickly escaped the prison, fleeing from the village.
Theme Song: [media]
=========================================
Equipped Weapons/Items:
Kunai x 20,
shuriken x 30,
250 ft wire roll.
=========================================
Kunai x 20,
shuriken x 30,
250 ft wire roll.
=========================================
Last edited by a moderator:
Beta
RPN's Most Hated
Bloodline abilities are indeed Kekkei Genkai.
Mind making that uber-paragraph into two or three? A massive wall of text like that makes me cringe.
Mind making that uber-paragraph into two or three? A massive wall of text like that makes me cringe.
HaruAketchi
The Scales
no prob, so how is this charrie?
Beta
RPN's Most Hated
I will reserve my review for after the GM has said his peace.
HaruAketchi
The Scales
i see.
Beta
RPN's Most Hated
You're missing a Theme Song, though. :3
HaruAketchi
The Scales
is the ninja jam necessary?
Beta
RPN's Most Hated
Is it on the CS? *seriousface*
HaruAketchi
The Scales
ok, look now.
Beta
RPN's Most Hated
... seems legit, I suppose.
HaruAketchi
The Scales
thanks, i feel like this rp will make me a better writer. i was gonna quit after my first charrie was turned down but my freind, the samurai one. convinced me to try again.
Wiseman
Junior Member
Beta, Chill and stop playing mom, let me take a look at the sheet before you start criticizing them. I dont mind walls of text if the content is good, so please dont make people alter their sheets before I can look at them.
HaruAketchi, I'll take a look at your sheet and let you know when Im done.
HaruAketchi, I'll take a look at your sheet and let you know when Im done.
Beta
RPN's Most Hated
I wasn't berating or playing Mommy, bro. I was asking if said wall of "Not gonna read massive wall of text" could be put into a form that was more pleasing to the eye.
Wiseman
Junior Member
If all you did was request a better format, then I apologize.
HaruAketchi, The Aburame clan does not use a kekkei Genkai. Instead, newborns are offered to insects as nests for a swarm or hive, and the chi;d and insects grow a symbiotic relationship which allows them to use many Jutsu like techniques without the use of hand signs or Chakra conversion. These techniques must be taught to the child as they grow older, and are specific to the type of insect that lives inside the ninja.
So the first question that comes to my mind is why you were not immediately taken in by the clan in order to train you in how to use your insects. It would not be hard to identify the kid with the insects coming out of his skin and crawling around in his eyes, and without the proper training you may very well risk being eaten alive by the swarm within you. Either way, to learn your bug techniques, you need to be in the Aburame clan itself, you cant just wing it.
Second, why was he allowed to get away with killing several Genin? Why did the Genin make fun of him for being a bug boy, the Aburame clan is one of the four noble clans of konoha, and are of much higher station than most other ninja clans. I just find it a bit weird that they would single him out for this. But what cant be excused is killing all those Genin without some sort of punishment or penalty, at least. That by itself is almost enough to force him into becoming a rogue nin.
Lastly, they wouldnt just exile him from the village of they thought he was dangerous, especially considering how the hokages tend to act, and the fact that your character is carrying several secret bug techniques with him which he could betray to the enemy. They would either kill or at least imprison him for his crimes, not let him go. He would have to break out of their grasp and become a missing nin.
Fix these things up for me and I will let you know if there is anymore editing to be done.
HaruAketchi, The Aburame clan does not use a kekkei Genkai. Instead, newborns are offered to insects as nests for a swarm or hive, and the chi;d and insects grow a symbiotic relationship which allows them to use many Jutsu like techniques without the use of hand signs or Chakra conversion. These techniques must be taught to the child as they grow older, and are specific to the type of insect that lives inside the ninja.
So the first question that comes to my mind is why you were not immediately taken in by the clan in order to train you in how to use your insects. It would not be hard to identify the kid with the insects coming out of his skin and crawling around in his eyes, and without the proper training you may very well risk being eaten alive by the swarm within you. Either way, to learn your bug techniques, you need to be in the Aburame clan itself, you cant just wing it.
Second, why was he allowed to get away with killing several Genin? Why did the Genin make fun of him for being a bug boy, the Aburame clan is one of the four noble clans of konoha, and are of much higher station than most other ninja clans. I just find it a bit weird that they would single him out for this. But what cant be excused is killing all those Genin without some sort of punishment or penalty, at least. That by itself is almost enough to force him into becoming a rogue nin.
Lastly, they wouldnt just exile him from the village of they thought he was dangerous, especially considering how the hokages tend to act, and the fact that your character is carrying several secret bug techniques with him which he could betray to the enemy. They would either kill or at least imprison him for his crimes, not let him go. He would have to break out of their grasp and become a missing nin.
Fix these things up for me and I will let you know if there is anymore editing to be done.
HaruAketchi
The Scales
no ever knew it was him.
ok, so i can justify everythng except him being an orphan. i never thought about him being trained with the bugs. so the reason he was never prosecuted for the first murders is because no one had any proof that it was him. the evidence there was against him was that they were killed by insects. and about him being made fun of, even shino is made fun of a couple times being called weird for playing with bugs, and he lives a normal life. so someone like yuki who didnt would suffer much more hardship, considering that he was very strange, and lived in an orphanage. and the reason he was let go is because they didnt blame him for these crimes. he was deemed insane so technically it wasnt his fault anyway. they figured he would be less of a threat outside the village so they let him go.
Wiseman ok ive edited. i think i fixed it.
ok, so i can justify everythng except him being an orphan. i never thought about him being trained with the bugs. so the reason he was never prosecuted for the first murders is because no one had any proof that it was him. the evidence there was against him was that they were killed by insects. and about him being made fun of, even shino is made fun of a couple times being called weird for playing with bugs, and he lives a normal life. so someone like yuki who didnt would suffer much more hardship, considering that he was very strange, and lived in an orphanage. and the reason he was let go is because they didnt blame him for these crimes. he was deemed insane so technically it wasnt his fault anyway. they figured he would be less of a threat outside the village so they let him go.
Wiseman ok ive edited. i think i fixed it.
HaruAketchi
The Scales
ok, thanks.
Humor
The Fool
Character Sheet
Name: Uzumaki, Rikato
Nickname/Alias: Kusemono Uzushio (Villain of the Whirlpool)
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Height: 5'11, 6'0 on a good day
Sexuality: Male
Village of origin: Uzushiogakure
Former Clan/Bloodline: Uzumaki Clan
Former Position: Third in line for the head of the Uzumaki Clan.
Chakra Nature: Wind, and Earth
Specialty: F?injutsu The art of sealing and using summons for combat. Drunken fighting style and well trained in many martial arts turning them into his own style (along the lines of capoeira fighting. Fighting style is pretty much Tenten.)
Appearance:<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2013_04/57a8bd94748e8_Narutochar.3.png.c0b31d2cb2ffa8a02102b34864a9a992.png" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="363" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2013_04/57a8bd94748e8_Narutochar.3.png.c0b31d2cb2ffa8a02102b34864a9a992.png" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p> (just change headband icon to whirlpool)
Personality: Lazy and does not like to be bothered, he is a hot head and can be easily angered by others. His heart and passion are what fuels him throughout his entire life. At times he may seem like a fool but his combat prowess is not to be underestimated. A calculatingly cold tactician in the worst sense of the word. Flipping his switch to that becomes a dangerous endeavor to most as he pursues his goal even at the cost of his own body.
History: Being born in the head house of the Uzumaki Clan he was the third child. Having already an older brother he was put on the back burner of the clan. Being the youngest was his gift and his curse. Without the watchful eye's of the clan on him he was allowed to live life away from the iron hand of his father. He was groomed to be a high ranking Shinobi that would bring honor to the clan instead of leading it. Having a particular inkling to martial arts he stood out among his class in hand to hand combat as well as weapon training. His father started to notice his youngest son as he began to out perform his fellow classmates and becoming a chunin in the first attempt. After A year of missions Kirato was being eye'd by the village leader as a candidate for the special task force the ANBU. His father at this moment began grooming him to be apart of the clan. His father believed in strength in having strong allies, Kirato's father arranged his marriage to the head of the Namikaze's daughter. Kirato voiced his protest to the deaf ears of his father and other clan members. Believing he was just a tool of the Uzumaki he began to hate his birth name and forsake his family who only used him when they needed him. Kirato wanted to get away from his clan, but also believed in taking something that was important to them. During the night Kirato snuck into the Uzumaki Vault where the treasures of the clan was. Grabbing a few scrolls in an attempt to steal them, he was met by his father. During the fight trying to escape Kirato dropped all but one scroll, the sealed scroll of Jeegan Hachishima Tora (Eight striped Tiger) a Chakura J?rui (chakra beast). He finally thought he got away when his father stopped him once again... In a final showdown Kirato was defeated by his more experienced elder. With much pleading Kirato begged for a life where he could be like the wind it was either that or he welcomed death. His father approached the bleeding Kirato who lay on the floor the scroll next to him. In a single action he took his sword and sliced a line through his headband and vanished into the night.
Kirato has never summoned Jeegan to this day, for a respect to his clan and father. Stealing it was enough.
=========================================
Equipped Weapons/Items:
(Weapons are sealed in scrolls.)
F?ma Shurikenx8
Shadow Shuriken x30
Throw and return Shadow shuriken x5
Makibishi x100
Cattropes x5
Shuriken xalot...
Kunai xalot...
Senbon xalot...
Exploding Sphere x25
Kama x2
Kusarigama x5
wakizashi x3
Katana x2
Tri chained staff x1
Naginata x2
Smoke pellets x3
Explosive tagged Kunai
Tonfa x2
Staff x1
Scroll of Jeegan
=========================================
Special Traits (Optional)
Clan: Uzumaki
Description: Have highly resistant bodies and has a large chakra pool
Jutsu:
Generic Sealing Technique
Adept Sealing Technique
Earth Shadow Clone (He can only make a 3.)
Name of Technique: Winds of Change
Type of Jutsu: Support
Rank: D
Range: short to long
Nature Type: Wind
Handseals: Dragon serpent Rat
Description: Changes the air flow around causing the wind to move objects in the air in the direction that it is blowing
Weakness: It serves no offensive purpose or does any damage.
Name of Technique: Intoxicate
Type of Jutsu: Support
Rank: F
Range: Short
Nature Type: Wind
Handseals: Serpent
Description: A slight amount of chakra emits a pheromone to simulate the sense of being drunk
Weakness: User gets a slight buzz- drunk Can be canceled by recast.
Name: Uzumaki, Rikato
Nickname/Alias: Kusemono Uzushio (Villain of the Whirlpool)
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Height: 5'11, 6'0 on a good day
Sexuality: Male
Village of origin: Uzushiogakure
Former Clan/Bloodline: Uzumaki Clan
Former Position: Third in line for the head of the Uzumaki Clan.
Chakra Nature: Wind, and Earth
Specialty: F?injutsu The art of sealing and using summons for combat. Drunken fighting style and well trained in many martial arts turning them into his own style (along the lines of capoeira fighting. Fighting style is pretty much Tenten.)
Appearance:<p><a href="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2013_04/57a8bd94748e8_Narutochar.3.png.c0b31d2cb2ffa8a02102b34864a9a992.png" class="ipsAttachLink ipsAttachLink_image"><img data-fileid="363" src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2013_04/57a8bd94748e8_Narutochar.3.png.c0b31d2cb2ffa8a02102b34864a9a992.png" class="ipsImage ipsImage_thumbnailed" alt=""></a></p> (just change headband icon to whirlpool)
Personality: Lazy and does not like to be bothered, he is a hot head and can be easily angered by others. His heart and passion are what fuels him throughout his entire life. At times he may seem like a fool but his combat prowess is not to be underestimated. A calculatingly cold tactician in the worst sense of the word. Flipping his switch to that becomes a dangerous endeavor to most as he pursues his goal even at the cost of his own body.
History: Being born in the head house of the Uzumaki Clan he was the third child. Having already an older brother he was put on the back burner of the clan. Being the youngest was his gift and his curse. Without the watchful eye's of the clan on him he was allowed to live life away from the iron hand of his father. He was groomed to be a high ranking Shinobi that would bring honor to the clan instead of leading it. Having a particular inkling to martial arts he stood out among his class in hand to hand combat as well as weapon training. His father started to notice his youngest son as he began to out perform his fellow classmates and becoming a chunin in the first attempt. After A year of missions Kirato was being eye'd by the village leader as a candidate for the special task force the ANBU. His father at this moment began grooming him to be apart of the clan. His father believed in strength in having strong allies, Kirato's father arranged his marriage to the head of the Namikaze's daughter. Kirato voiced his protest to the deaf ears of his father and other clan members. Believing he was just a tool of the Uzumaki he began to hate his birth name and forsake his family who only used him when they needed him. Kirato wanted to get away from his clan, but also believed in taking something that was important to them. During the night Kirato snuck into the Uzumaki Vault where the treasures of the clan was. Grabbing a few scrolls in an attempt to steal them, he was met by his father. During the fight trying to escape Kirato dropped all but one scroll, the sealed scroll of Jeegan Hachishima Tora (Eight striped Tiger) a Chakura J?rui (chakra beast). He finally thought he got away when his father stopped him once again... In a final showdown Kirato was defeated by his more experienced elder. With much pleading Kirato begged for a life where he could be like the wind it was either that or he welcomed death. His father approached the bleeding Kirato who lay on the floor the scroll next to him. In a single action he took his sword and sliced a line through his headband and vanished into the night.
Kirato has never summoned Jeegan to this day, for a respect to his clan and father. Stealing it was enough.
=========================================
Equipped Weapons/Items:
(Weapons are sealed in scrolls.)
F?ma Shurikenx8
Shadow Shuriken x30
Throw and return Shadow shuriken x5
Makibishi x100
Cattropes x5
Shuriken xalot...
Kunai xalot...
Senbon xalot...
Exploding Sphere x25
Kama x2
Kusarigama x5
wakizashi x3
Katana x2
Tri chained staff x1
Naginata x2
Smoke pellets x3
Explosive tagged Kunai
Tonfa x2
Staff x1
Scroll of Jeegan
=========================================
Special Traits (Optional)
Clan: Uzumaki
Description: Have highly resistant bodies and has a large chakra pool
Jutsu:
Generic Sealing Technique
Adept Sealing Technique
Earth Shadow Clone (He can only make a 3.)
Name of Technique: Winds of Change
Type of Jutsu: Support
Rank: D
Range: short to long
Nature Type: Wind
Handseals: Dragon serpent Rat
Description: Changes the air flow around causing the wind to move objects in the air in the direction that it is blowing
Weakness: It serves no offensive purpose or does any damage.
Name of Technique: Intoxicate
Type of Jutsu: Support
Rank: F
Range: Short
Nature Type: Wind
Handseals: Serpent
Description: A slight amount of chakra emits a pheromone to simulate the sense of being drunk
Weakness: User gets a slight buzz- drunk Can be canceled by recast.
Attachments
Last edited by a moderator:
Wiseman
Junior Member
Humor, I feel I should point out that you are possibly confusing the Uzumaki clan with the Namikaze clan. The Namikaze clan are the ones with blond hair (Naruto's dad was a Namikaze, Naruto's mom was an Uzumaki), and while the Uzumaki clan are known for the sealing techniques, longevity and special chakra, it is the Senju clan who inherited the full body of the sage. Though the Uzumaki clan is a distant relative of the Senju, they are still distant enough to intermarry. Unless you're ninja was a combo between a Senju or a Namikaze and an Uzumaki, then his hair should be red, like the hair of Kushina, Karin, and Mito Uzumaki.
You should also note that the Forbidden Scroll that Kirato steals cant be the Multiple Shadow Clone Jutsu scroll, also known as the Scroll of Seals, because it is not an Uzumaki Scroll, it belonged to the First Hokage and is kept and guarded at the Hokage's residence, not in Uzushiogakure. So instead of taking the shadow clone jutsu, perhaps you could make up your own custom Uzumaki Jutsu to fill in for it.
Lastly, Im afraid your sister can not be the jinchūriki, because Mito Uzumaki is stated as being the only Nine Tales jinchūriki before Kushina, and certainly all the way through all the ninja wars. If this wasnt so then your story would be permissible, but sadly the lore contradicts this plot point quite strongly and so I must ask you to change or alter it in a reasonable way.
You should also note that the Forbidden Scroll that Kirato steals cant be the Multiple Shadow Clone Jutsu scroll, also known as the Scroll of Seals, because it is not an Uzumaki Scroll, it belonged to the First Hokage and is kept and guarded at the Hokage's residence, not in Uzushiogakure. So instead of taking the shadow clone jutsu, perhaps you could make up your own custom Uzumaki Jutsu to fill in for it.
Lastly, Im afraid your sister can not be the jinchūriki, because Mito Uzumaki is stated as being the only Nine Tales jinchūriki before Kushina, and certainly all the way through all the ninja wars. If this wasnt so then your story would be permissible, but sadly the lore contradicts this plot point quite strongly and so I must ask you to change or alter it in a reasonable way.
Humor
The Fool
Yup yup fixing it up.
Beta
RPN's Most Hated
Jugo's clan is actually known for manipulation of Nature energy. Just putting that out there.
Humor
The Fool
tis fixed.
Wiseman
Junior Member
Humor, OK, everything is looking pretty good, the only problem is with your chakra beast. You can keep the beast and scroll, it can even still be a Tiger, but you will need to remove the part about it being the eight tailed tiger, as this names it as a tailed beast, and also there is already an eight tailed beast which is not a tiger. It can be the eight clawed, eyed, eared, armed, or whatever Tiger, just no eight tails, as this is take in the lore.
Also, do realize that you will be totally strapped with weapons if you choose to keep your current inventory, to the point even were it will weigh you down and impair speed and movement. If you understand and accept this conditions then you may keep your current inventory.
Also, do realize that you will be totally strapped with weapons if you choose to keep your current inventory, to the point even were it will weigh you down and impair speed and movement. If you understand and accept this conditions then you may keep your current inventory.