Fandom Housetrapped (A Homestuck AU)

[JackOfHearts]

"Jack, that's the kind of thinking which your quest is supposed to erase. You don't do it for the payoff, you do it for yourself."

Jack rolls his eyes.


"I wasn't talking about payoff, I was talking about plot significance. That was a question aimed towards your sprite, not you, although I can see how you made that mistake considering I was looking at you and not your sprite."

 

[magnadeus]

Jack rolls his eyes.
"I wasn't talking about payoff, I was talking about plot significance. That was a question aimed towards your sprite, not you, although I can see how you made that mistake considering I was looking at you and not your sprite."

"But I kno-"


SNOW(SPADES): Yeah ok, we get it. You're smart and all, but seriously. Let him listen.


SNOW(SPADES): We shouldn't tell you, but sprite shenanigans aren't my deal.


Janet could practically hear Droog facepalming.


SNOW(SPADES): Your quest is integral for you to become the best you you can be.


SNOW(SPADES): Personal growth and whatnot.

 

[JackOfHearts]

Jack gave Janet's sprite a confused look.


JACK: Wait, seriously? Is that ALL the quests are for??? That's fucking stupid! I've seen dumb plot reasons for quests existing in games, but this REALLY takes the cake. I mean, if this is only for personal growth and shit, then that means that it has NOTHING to do with a greater overall plot except for possible minor things!





Meanwhile, the cloaked figure watches with a smile.


???: He's really going to screw this timeline over unless he does this quest, but it's so fun to watch him be an idiot.





Meanwhile, inside of Jack's house Jacksprite was screwing around and rearranging random stuff, making a complete mess of Jack's house.

 

[magnadeus]

(

Jack gave Janet's sprite a confused look.
JACK: Wait, seriously? Is that ALL the quests are for??? That's fucking stupid! I've seen dumb plot reasons for quests existing in games, but this REALLY takes the cake. I mean, if this is only for personal growth and shit, then that means that it has NOTHING to do with a greater overall plot except for possible minor things!





Meanwhile, the cloaked figure watches with a smile.


???: He's really going to screw this timeline over unless he does this quest, but it's so fun to watch him be an idiot.





Meanwhile, inside of Jack's house Jacksprite was screwing around and rearranging random stuff, making a complete mess of Jack's house.

(My posts are going to slow down cuz I'm on my phone also can't bother with colour)


SNOW(SPADES): Dammit no.


SNOW(SPADES): Jack, you are quite honestly a short-sighted temperamental little brat.


SNOW(SPADES): Somebody like that doesn't have the patience to initiate the Scratch. Don't ask what that is, that's up to your sprite.


SNOW(SPADES): You need the things you lack,in summary.

 

[JackOfHearts]

Jack frowns.


JACK: You're calling ME short-sighted? This coming from the person who idiotically caused HIMSELF to get prototyped with SNOWMAN! Ughh. Whatever this stupid quest entail's, it had better not take long.

 

[magnadeus]

Jack frowns.
JACK: You're calling ME short-sighted? This coming from the person who idiotically caused HIMSELF to get prototyped with SNOWMAN! Ughh. Whatever this stupid quest entail's, it had better not take long.

(SNOW)SPADES: I like this guy.


"AHEM ANYWAYS LET'S GO AND GET THAT QUEST DONE." Janet grabbed Jack's arm and flew at high speed away from the sprite. Best not to provoke them. "There's a...moving thing! That might help!"

 

[billthesomething]

Dan rubbed his eyes as he rose from the bed. he let out a sigh remembering on having to hit Janet to keep her in one world hopefully she wouldn't remember that, while he was totally down with exploring Derse with beastsis he was going to show her that awesome bakery.


but Auntie told him to hit anyone who was able to be awake and on Derse at the same time, why? he didn't completely remember. "Sup Spriterbro did you find out what my quest was?" he greeted Monk with a grin. Monksprite shook his head "No Daniel I Have Not. But I Have Come To The Conclusion That It Might Have Something To Do With The Music We Have Been Hearing Recently" Dan raised his eyebrow "Music? What Music?" Monk pointed at Dan's headset and did a motion for him to remove it. Dan did and his ears were immediately assaulted with what sounded like nails on a record player. he could hear music under it, but it was too drowned out by the scratching noise. Dan placed his headset back on and he no longer could hear the music "so am supposed to show these Xenos true music or something?" Dan grinned "Cool" he opened up Pesterchum on his Alienware Phone


TheJuggaMancer [TJM] Began Pestering ComfortedBeasthood [CB]


TJM: i found out what my que?t i? bea?t?i?


TJM: well according to monk?prite anyway


TJM: am gonna be a D.J


TJM: i ?hit you not


@Magnadeus

 

[JackOfHearts]

(SNOW)SPADES: I like this guy.
"AHEM ANYWAYS LET'S GO AND GET THAT QUEST DONE." Janet grabbed Jack's arm and flew at high speed away from the sprite. Best not to provoke them. "There's a...moving thing! That might help!"

Jack frowns, a bit annoyed that Janet had just dragged him away like that.


"Ok, first, I kinda wanted to talk to your sprite a bit more since mine's a dick and won't tell me jack shit. Heh, punny. And second, I don't see any moving things."

 

[magnadeus]

Jack frowns, a bit annoyed that Janet had just dragged him away like that.
"Ok, first, I kinda wanted to talk to your sprite a bit more since mine's a dick and won't tell me jack shit. Heh, punny. And second, I don't see any moving things."

"Oh I'm sure you did. But you heard him! We have to get your quest done! Anyways, by moving things I mean consorts. They're the animals of your land. You really don't see any?"


Janet suddenly heard a notification from her TechPhones.

Dan rubbed his eyes as he rose from the bed. he let out a sigh remembering on having to hit Janet to keep her in one world hopefully she wouldn't remember that, while he was totally down with exploring Derse with beastsis he was going to show her that awesome bakery.
but Auntie told him to hit anyone who was able to be awake and on Derse at the same time, why? he didn't completely remember. "Sup Spriterbro did you find out what my quest was?" he greeted Monk with a grin. Monksprite shook his head "No Daniel I Have Not. But I Have Come To The Conclusion That It Might Have Something To Do With The Music We Have Been Hearing Recently" Dan raised his eyebrow "Music? What Music?" Monk pointed at Dan's headset and did a motion for him to remove it. Dan did and his ears were immediately assaulted with what sounded like nails on a record player. he could hear music under it, but it was too drowned out by the scratching noise. Dan placed his headset back on and he no longer could hear the music "so am supposed to show these Xenos true music or something?" Dan grinned "Cool" he opened up Pesterchum on his Alienware Phone


TheJuggaMancer [TJM] Began Pestering ComfortedBeasthood [CB]


TJM: i found out what my que?t i? bea?t?i?


TJM: well according to monk?prite anyway


TJM: am gonna be a D.J


TJM: i ?hit you not


@Magnadeus

CB: Well, you certainly have your tastes in music.


CB: Good on you, I suppose.

 

[JackOfHearts]

"Oh I'm sure you did. But you heard him! We have to get your quest done! Anyways, by moving things I mean consorts. They're the animals of your land. You really don't see any?"


Janet suddenly heard a notification from her TechPhones.


CB: Well, you certainly have your tastes in music.


CB: Good on you, I suppose.

Jack frowns.


"Maybe I'm just looking right past them, but I don't see anything... Oh wait, is that one?"


Jack points at a salamander consort somewhere below.

 

[magnadeus]

Jack frowns.
"Maybe I'm just looking right past them, but I don't see anything... Oh wait, is that one?"


Jack points at a salamander consort somewhere below.

"Yup. My sprite's legendary knowledge tells me that they know the solution to your problem."

 

[JackOfHearts]

Jack stares at them.


"...So I'm supposed to ask a bunch of FUCKING SALAMANDERS about how to MELT THE GODDAMN WORLD?... You do realize how stupid that sounds. Honestly I'd rather just ask future me for help. He's been following us for a while now, you know."


If Janet bothered to turn around just then, she'd see the mysterious figure floating behind them.

 

[magnadeus]

Jack stares at them.
"...So I'm supposed to ask a bunch of FUCKING SALAMANDERS about how to MELT THE GODDAMN WORLD?... You do realize how stupid that sounds. Honestly I'd rather just ask future me for help. He's been following us for a while now, you know."


If Janet bothered to turn around just then, she'd see the mysterious figure floating behind them.

"What the f-





WHOOSH





huh? I just heard something. Was that him? Seriously, please don't let it be him. Once is enough."

 

[JackOfHearts]

"What the f-



WHOOSH





huh? I just heard something. Was that him? Seriously, please don't let it be him. Once is enough."

Jack rolls his eyes.


"Yes, it was him. If he wanted to...err... I was about to say kill us he already would, but he kinda did kill me. Sort of? Wait, is he trying to help or hurt?????????????"

 

[magnadeus]

Jack rolls his eyes.
"Yes, it was him. If he wanted to...err... I was about to say kill us he already would, but he kinda did kill me. Sort of? Wait, is he trying to help or hurt?????????????"

"Hurt, hurt, hurt. I don't know what happened to you, but an exact replica of you went through some shit, and now we have a time travelling universe jumping psycho to deal with."

 

[JackOfHearts]

"Hurt, hurt, hurt. I don't know what happened to you, but an exact replica of you went through some shit, and now we have a time travelling universe jumping psycho to deal with."

Jack shrugs.


"Hey, at least if he's me I'll know how to fight him. I usually prefer to go with knives, quickly running in, stabbing, getting out. If he's anything like me, his fighting pattern's probably the same-"


A pumpkin falls out of nowhere and lands on Jack's head.


"...OWW."

 

[magnadeus]

Jack shrugs.
"Hey, at least if he's me I'll know how to fight him. I usually prefer to go with knives, quickly running in, stabbing, getting out. If he's anything like me, his fighting pattern's probably the same-"


A pumpkin falls out of nowhere and lands on Jack's head.


"...OWW."

"What? Why did you say ow? What happened? Did he punch your past trail?"





Janet pondered how stupid that sounded.





"Ok, I've been watching too much Midnight Crew."

 

[JackOfHearts]

"What? Why did you say ow? What happened? Did he punch your past trail?"



Janet pondered how stupid that sounded.





"Ok, I've been watching too much Midnight Crew."

Jack smiles.


"You can NEVER read too much Midnight Crew. But, did you seriously not see the fucking pumpkin that just landed on my head before bouncing off and splatting on the ice below."

 

[magnadeus]

Jack smiles.
"You can NEVER read too much Midnight Crew. But, did you seriously not see the fucking pumpkin that just landed on my head before bouncing off and splatting on the ice below."

"What pumpkin? I'm pretty sure there was no pumpkin, and there never will be one around here. That is ridiculous, Jack."

 

[JackOfHearts]

Jack looked down at the ice. The shattered pumpkin was...gone?!


"What...the...fuck?!?!?!?! I'm getting time trolled by MYSELF HERE?!?!?!"

 

[magnadeus]

Jack looked down at the ice. The shattered pumpkin was...gone?!
"What...the...fuck?!?!?!?! I'm getting time trolled by MYSELF HERE?!?!?!"

"Uh...huh. Listen, let's just ask the salamander what the quest is."

 

[JackOfHearts]

"Uh...huh. Listen, let's just ask the salamander what the quest is."

Jack nodded and divebombed straight into the Salamander.


".....................................Flying is difficult."

 

[magnadeus]

Jack nodded and divebombed straight into the Salamander.
".....................................Flying is difficult."

Janet gave him a strange look and decided not to do that. Instead, she floated down, as slowly as she felt was necessary.


"Well, go on. Ask."

 

[JackOfHearts]

Janet gave him a strange look and decided not to do that. Instead, she floated down, as slowly as she felt was necessary.
"Well, go on. Ask."

Jack stared silently at the salamander for a moment.


"OkyoustupidfuckingsalamandertellmehowthefucktounmelttheicealloverthisgoddamnplanetorI'mgoingtostabyouuntilyoudie."

 

[magnadeus]

Jack stared silently at the salamander for a moment.
"OkyoustupidfuckingsalamandertellmehowthefucktounmelttheicealloverthisgoddamnplanetorI'mgoingtostabyouuntilyoudie."

"YOUMUSTMEETTHEPHAESTUSANDASKHIMFORTHECHOICE." The salamander replied, mocking Jack's speech.





"Jack, did you just say unmelt?